Author has written 7 stories for Twilight.
I should be up soon but I have a class that's hard so IDK yet but hopefully I will. Ohhh... yeah ummm... IDK
I love to read and write (he he therefor this site) I'm hope to have fun with this, but you never know.Ok i have some other stories that don't fit fan fiction so I can PM them to you if you would like cause I like getting pointers from other writers. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT JUST MY STORY PLOTS!! I am doing this so I don't have to put that in every chapter it really gets anoying.
I'm Helping a friend and her name in here is Raven Twilight Lover.
A Loving Friend
Bella's pudding bowl-
All pics will now be on JazzWhitlockLovers profile she is letting me use her space
Agent Bella I love your profile so much I decided to put part on mine.
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an Amerian Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to berry the body of the person that made you cry.
FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs.
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will hide you from the cops.
BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they’re after you in the first place.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FRIENDS: Will help me find your way when I'm lost.
BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with your compass, stealing your map and giving you bad directions.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'M HOME
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say, "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"
FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this shit!
ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS:
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fing way Paper can beat Rock.
Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that sht up in 2 seconds. When I play rock, paper, scissors I always choose rock...
So then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "Oh st I'm sorry I thought your paper would protect you, ahole!"
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK,When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you'reWHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over. (This line just reminded me of something someone said about me and my brother)
I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.
94% of teenagers would cry if Edward Cullen tried to jump of a building. Paste this into your profile if you would be one of the 6% screaming 'jump Eddie jump!'
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver...
‘I'm still on earth because Heaven kicked me out and Hell is afraid I'll take over.’
Suicide hotline...Please hold
'Strangers have the best candy'.
'So, you're a cannibal?’
You're village called… They’re missing their idiot
‘You're just jealous because the voices only speak to ME!'
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you…
'Friendship is like peeing on yourself…everyone can see it, but only you can feel it'
Boys make good pets
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to…
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Muffins are just ugly cupcakes…
Don't follow me... I'm lost, too.
I wondered why the Frisbee was coming closer, and then it hit me.
Doctors say I have Multiple Personalities. We disagree with that.
When all else fails, add marshmallows.
We're so cool ice cubes are jealous
I'm not random. You just can't think as fast as I do
I don't know what your problem is but I’ll bet it's hard to pronounce.
When life gives you lemons, squirt them in the eyes of your enemies
I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.
I'm smiling because they haven't found the bodies yet!
I'm so gangsta I carry a squirt gun
I’m so ‘G’ I’m almost ‘H’
My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe
Don’t blame me. I’m just a visitor to this planet!
Too many freaks, not enough circus!
Purple headed warrior in the first New Cavalry.
...I ride Cavalry
How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Once you're in heaven, are you get stuck wearing the same clothes you were buried in for eternity?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
I told your boyfriend he was gay, and he hit me with his PURSE!
Why do I have to 'put my two cents in'... when it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
You say psycho like it's a bad thing…
A word to the wise isn’t necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice...
There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side
Don't touch the red button.
...Ooh, what does this button do?
I miss licking it; I miss sucking it; I miss slurping the sticky wet juices off of it; Damn it! I wish I didn't drop my Popsicle!
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird'
It’s not PMS. I just really hate you
I'm nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect!
Perhaps when you set out to make an impression, you shouldn’t have left teeth marks…
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two lefts will leave a damn good bruise…
I run with scissors. It makes me feel...dangerous!
WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE! ...Are you surprised we lied about the cookies?
‘Sanity is overrated.’
Nope, the Ninja costume doesn’t excuse it…you’re still a jack-off
DON'T DRINK WATER! Fish have sex in it.
Contrary to visual evidence, having your head up your ass does not leave you in the loop…
Leading by example means sometimes having to say you’re sorry
Death becomes you!
Those who think they know everything annoy those of us who do.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He's Lost?
I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing...
Getting better is for Rookies. I’m getting Awesome!
Nothing is impossible. Some things are just improbable.
Insanity at its peak is reality as we know it.
Do stairs go up or down?
Why be difficult when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
If everything seems to be going well you have obviously overlooked something
One night I looked up at the beautiful stars and began to think...where the HECK is my roof?
Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do, kill me?
Yeah, you have the right to your own opinion, but I have the right to think you’re stupid.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Some people are alive today simply because it’s illegal to kill them…
The dude that said ‘Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die’ obviously had low expectations from his caterer…
It takes 46 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone
Small appliances are hell bent on taking over the world! (A Quiet Girl exclusive!)
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening," and then proceeds to tell you why it's not.
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Some see the glass half full. Some see it half empty. Me? I just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn beer…
He was just checking for skin cancer… (A Quiet Girl exclusive!)
When you’re courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed…
Everything here is eatable. I’m eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies
Poke me. I dare you.
A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
‘Why yes, this is a beach ball under my shirt, why the hell would you think it’s a baby?’
‘I’m not fat! This is all stolen goods hidden under my shirt.’
Why is it every time I bend over, you start muttering travel plans for visiting the Grand Canyon?
I might as well sit on your face. I’m almost certain you have “Lazyboy” stamped on your body somewhere…
Just because you’ve appointed yourself ringmaster doesn’t mean I’m willing to let you turn my life into a three ring circus…
Tarzan, you’re not. But I’m certainly Jane. See Jane run…Run, Jane, run!
A guy with a nice ass is just Mother Nature’s way of reminding us to keep in touch!
Sure, children are a gift. Too bad there are no refunds or exchanges for when they turn into teenagers…
Whoever said it was better to give than to receive obviously was doing it with a biter...
You turned me inside out...ever thought of getting that thing reduced?
Being with you turned me into Helen Keller: Deaf to your lies, dumb for putting up with your shit, and blind for not seeing what an asshole you really were sooner...
Restraining orders are for under achievers...
The way to a man's heart isn't through his stomach. Straight through the chest with an ice pick is much more direct...
Thank you for caring about my feeling enough to only screw my ugly friends...
What I lack in selectivity, I make up for with tequila...
I may not be much of a catch, but you don't have much to offer as bait, either...
The last person that asked me how I was doing ended up needing anti-depressants, too...Do you really want to risk it?
Leave it to Beaver: Good TV or bad STD management? You decide...
No, when I said I liked a good Cocktail, there was no "in" in the middle...
I’ve missed you so much…So I’ve decided to take shooting lessons!
I heard you were coming…need a cigarette?
Some days I don't know which end is up, which could explain my well groomed crotch and the curly hairs in my toothbrush...
Ex marks the spot! (picture a police chalk outline of your ex's dead body underneath the caption and a red stain in the middle of it)
Somewhere in an alternate universe, you would actually make sense!
Be glad you're ugly…It saves me from having to lie when I say you make me look good!
33 Things to do in an Elevator:
-If you hate someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way you are a mile away from them AND you have their shoes.
-Wish for what you want...work for what you need
-When you love someone you can tell...when you're in love with someone, every one else can.
-They laugh because I'm different...i laugh because they're the same.
-Fear is the heart of love.
-A good friend will comfort you when you're boyfriend breaks up with you...but a best friend will go up to him and ask "It's because you're gay isn't it?"
-I'd rather be hated for who i am the loved for who I'm not.
-The TRUTH is that everyone going to hurt you...you just have to decide who is worth the pain.
-You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad- Aldous Huxley
- Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.- Vernon Law
-Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-Did you just call me a bitch? Well a bitch is a dog, and dogs bark, bark is on trees, trees are part of nature, nature is beautiful. So yeah, thanks for the compliment.
-BRB, I'm busy trying to jump off the roof with the kitchen broom.
Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
-BE nice to losers. one day they might be cool!
When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"
"We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."
I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow
"When there's a will, I want to be in it."
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
- "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
- Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
- He who laughs last didn't get it.
-Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
-I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.
-The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
-When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
-I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
"She's my best friend. Break her heart, and I'll break your face."
"I plan on living forever...so far so good."
"The greater danger for most of us is not that
Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?
There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
Your mom looks like Voldemort (oooooh burn)
Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Don’t mess with me I've got a stick
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?"
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