Copy and Pastes
-If people tend to misunderstand you copy this to your profile.
-if you have ever annoyed people just for fun copy this to your profile.
-If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile
-If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.
-If several inanimate objects hate you post this on profile.
-Fancy a challenge? Try this: I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile!
-"I walk, talk, eat and sleep on earth, but I live my life in a completely different world." If this sentence describes you, copy and paste on your profile.
-92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile
-The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.
-93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" copy this into your profile
-If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
-If you are against fur coats or killing animals just to look good, copy this onto your profile.
-If you laugh at the stupidest things, copy and paste this into your profile.
-The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism
-Raise awareness for global warming! If you think that we need to act quickly to stop global warming, copy and paste this into your profile
-If you think cancer is awful, put this in your profile.
-If you are addicted to FanFiction, copy this.
-If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you think Ferncloud has had too many kits to remember, copy and paste this into your profile. (99 of Ferncloud's kits on the wall, 99 of Ferncloud's kits...take one down; pass it around, 98 of Ferncloud's kits on the wall!)
-I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes funny if you leave it out for too long. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!
-93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, Battleground Heart, Kaity the Chameleon, xX-Arianna-hime-Xx,Seppaku, Amanemanga, Rethira, -Purple Smile-, Atra Luminarium, Ginger Guardian Angel, HorseLuvr14, Brandymydog, AquaFreez, Timekeeper Violeteyes
-If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
-If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
-If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile
-If you don't watch Laguna Beach, O.C., or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile
-if you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile.
-if you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile.
-if you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.
-if you think ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder and are likely to have it copy and paste this into your profile
-If you have Twilight and New Moon memorized, copy this into your profile. (My friend said I had to read them if she had to read Harry Potter, and I have a great memory... that part of my life sucks)
-If you think I am an absolute obsessed geek because I have the above, copy this and the above into your profile. :D.
-If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.
-If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile
- If you use exclamation marks just because they make you sound all hyper like Alice and they're 'pretty' copy and paste this into your profile!!
if you're one of those people that hate those people who's profiles are like 80 billion pages long but you have a friking long profile anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you’re one of those people who can literally stay on the computer for hours on in if only you weren't forced to get off, then copy and paste this on your profile.(I could do this for days!!)
-If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile
-If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.
-If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.(they have the problem not me, k?)
-If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile!
-If you've ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile.
-If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile
-If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself copy this into your profile.
-If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile
-If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile
-If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile
-"Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!"
-If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.
-Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
-If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.
-If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.
-If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into your profile
-If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
-If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
-98 of the internet population have a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.
-If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile.
-If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile
-If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
-If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
-Did you know... kissing is healthy. Bananas are good for period pain. It’s good to cry. Chicken soup actually makes you feel better.94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers. Lying is actually unhealthy. You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes. It’s actually true; boys DO insult you when they like you. 89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move. It’s impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed. Chocolate will make you feel better. Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. A good friend never judges. A good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any. Boys aren't worth your tears. We all love surprises. Now... make a wish. Wish REALLY hard!!WISH WISH WISH WISH Your wish has just been received. Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...Your wish will be granted.
1. YOUR REAL NAME: Aelys
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME :( first 3 letters of real name plus izzle):
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):
Red Cat (Not bad)
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name):
Leigh Harbison (Okay, I guess)
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name):
6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):
Black Water (That's a dumb way to find your Superhero name)
7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your mom's maiden name, 3rd letter of your dad's middle name, 1st letter of a sibling's first name, last letter of your mom's middle name):
Eyiusse (How do you say that?)
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name):
Ann Marie (Nice)
9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (Black and the name of one your pets):
Black Snowflake (Made up last part, I'm not using my pets' names' they suck!)
10. Find the third letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they spell?
lldiyainad (What on earth?!)
A fraction of a second
I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me, "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you do have enough money?''
"OK" he said "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me! I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article: 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunken man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to recover from the coma. Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message.
2) Ignore it as if it never touched you. have a heart
Try Not to Cry
Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, and I even got the gold!
When I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye.
I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Zack, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.
But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try
I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest
When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could
please listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college; I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married; I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, and I know you know it’s true
And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"
In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech
Students Who Were Lost
Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.
If you pass this on,
Maybe people will cry,
Just keep this in your heart,
For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".
Now you have 2 choices,
1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as
"Try Not To Cry"
2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how
cold-hearted you really are...
It’s ok to cry, I cried, so can you
If you almost cried while you read this copy this to your profile, and add your name to the list; Mysterious Miracle, Silverdiamond23, Peridot Tears, Katie Ladmoore, Moonstream-Warrior, Spottedpaw13, Time Keeper Violeteyes
HOW COULD YOU? - By Jim Willis, 2001
When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- But then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.
My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.
Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.
There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the 2 nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago & made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads & asked "How could you?"
They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.
When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.
As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"
Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty?
If the story above affected you as much as it did me, please copy and paste this onto your own profile.
My mother taught me...
1. My mother taught me RELIGION.
A friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying either, "We really screwed up," or "That was fun!"
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it!
-A world wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
“Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”
The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn’t know what ‘food’ meant. In India they didn’t know what ‘honest’ meant, In Europe they didn’t know what ’shortage’ meant. In China they didn’t know what ‘opinion’ meant. In the Middle East they didn’t know what ’solution’ meant. In South America they didn’t know what ‘please’ meant, and in the USA they didn’t know what ‘the rest of the world’ meant.
-God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.
-I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready-made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!
-For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favourite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favourite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is also wondering, "Is there a letter in the alphabet that can't be pronounced without another, other than E? Like... B would be... be or bee..." Crazy is when you run into a wall on accident and then run into it again on purpose. From Pepperwhisker; Crazy is when you constantly think about conducting world domination (and enjoy the thought). Also from Pepperwhisker; Crazy is when you threaten your little sister and her friend with the biggest kitchen knives just for taking your picture. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!
Who’s laughing now, seriously, I’ve lost track
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest telling us to sit down and shut up.
I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the w's
A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.
Boys are like Slinky's. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you more, you throw them back, because really, who likes lemons? And when it gives you even more, squirt them in their eyes and see how much life likes lemons then.
Guns don't kill people. People kill people.
If guns don't kill people, then can I blame all my misspells on my pencil?
I know I just said 'Guns don't kill people. People kill people.' But I think that guns help! I mean, not much would happen if you just sit there and yell 'BOOM'
My friend overheard some people talking about me. How weird I was, how creepy, how wrong. But I just said 'I feel sorry for them' because I have a friend who told me, while their friends would sooner be the ones saying it.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend/girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed.
I used all my sick days so I called in dead.
You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to.
The extinction of the dinosaurs was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
When in doubt, make words up!
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!
If you're going to be two-faced sweetie, at least make one of them pretty!
Don't worry about the end of the world coming today- it's already tomorrow in Australia.
Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid!
Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies! Oh, that red stuff leaking out of them?...That's cooking oil.
Before you criticize a person, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes!
An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!
Two things are infinite; infinity, and human stupidity. Not so sure about infinity...
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?
I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly
Don't hit kids. Seriously, they have guns now.
WARNING- lost kids will be sold to the circus
If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So SHUT UP!
I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework.
WARNING- stop throwing your cigarette butts on the carpet! Seriously, the cockroaches are getting cancer!
There are three kinds of people- those who count, and those who can't.
Warning: trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
If I throw a stick, will you go away?
The grass may be greener, but it's just as hard to mow!
If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I like you. When I rule the world your death will be quick and painless.
If someone told most people they were weird, most people would disagree. I would ask what their first clue was.
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking
At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and she got away.
Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.
Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in heck would you keep looking for it if you already found it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious!
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P
I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.
Your shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark
Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum?
People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.
Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.
An atheist is a person who believes in not believing anything.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
What to Do During an Exam
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go ice skating.)
15. Show up completely insane (completely insane means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. (I would never do that.)
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. Act spazzy
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
34. Fake an heart attack. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply.
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
37. If your answers are on a scan tron sheet, fill it out in pen.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girly-girl nearby.
39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your pencil. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.
42. Dress like the professor.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.
P.S. don't actually do this during a test, it would be hilarious, but you do have a permanent record ( if your still in school, that is).
Over there is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your
Ways to make sure you're insane
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom, don't disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks, once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions switch to espresso.
Finish all your sentences with, "In accordance with the prophecy"
Ask your dog if it's comfortable with it's name. Repeat with cat, until people ask if you're alright.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk
Specify that your drive-through order is, "to go"
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because your not in the mood.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I WON! I WON!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!!"
10 Ways To Be S-T-U-P-I-D:
1. Ask For Directions To A Place You're Already At.
TO ANNOY YOUR PARENTS!
1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
23) MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24) CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.
25) GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26) WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27) WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28) LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29) WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30) TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31) ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32) ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33) ASK, "Did you feel that?"
34) TELL people that you can see their aura.
35) WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36) ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37) DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time...
38) START breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air
39) WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors
40) GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.
41) IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.
42) LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention.
Mental Hospital Phone Menu:
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 packets of gum and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking..
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed, or if you plan on doing any of those things!!
Stereotypes (Bold the ones that apply to you)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Girl: Choose--mine or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life
Perfect apple picker
Take Time To Read Each Sentence
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
this is person cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now read the THIRD word of every line :)
Which are you more like (Bold the ones that apply to you)
YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/chapstick.
Mostly Tom-boy, no surprise, to me and me alone.
This is ME!
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.
BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is,
Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15,Marigold Winters, Starthevampire, 'biggest-twilight-fan', LuvableLittleMonster, Bookworm14601, malec 4 eva, Time Keeper Violeteyes
For My Mothers
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday.
I am the girl kicked out of her home, because I confided in my mother I'm a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets, because no one will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of 27 years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had.
I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones.
I killed myself weeks before graduating high school.
It was just too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us because she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not even allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.
The court says I am unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until somebody told me only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't always have to deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most: love.
I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to the fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson".
THAT'S MESSED UP!
IF YOU BELIEVE HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG...REPOST THIS
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