Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter.
Name: The Zeitgeist
Hello! Well, this is my utterly boring profile. Not sure what you were expecting to find by wandering here, but all you'll see is just a whole lot of opinion and conjecture. Oh, and ranting. This is where I go to rant at stupid shit that pisses me off in fanon and canon. If you like this kind of stuff, by all means continue.
Before you get your dose of pure brilliance (in the form of my opinions... duh...) there are a couple things I'd like to put out there. Disclaimers, if you will.
And now, a little diatribe that I have in regards to CU, etc, etc, etc...
This is for those groups on Fanfiction who spend significant portions of their time sniffing out "illegal" submissions, such as interactive fics, and the like. To understand exactly how big of a waste this is, we need numbers. The most popular genre in Fanfiction, Harry Potter, has nearly 700k submissions, followed by Naruto at 350k and then Twilight at 200k. The first 3 fandoms alone make the number of stories that need to be sifted through over a million. I am sure that once you take into account all other fandoms, the quantity of fics will total at approximately 2-3 Million fics. The reason I want to point this out is that over the last couple of years, there have been groups popping up that want to "clean up the site". Well, one of most organized and populated of these groups, "Critics United", has a mere 28 members. On average, they find and report 5-10 violations (that they list on their forums) per DAY. Being an optimist, I'll even give them a 100% success rate in getting those stories off of the site. If you are a member on fanfiction, you have obviously experienced the monotony of sifting through countless horribly written fics, most of which are under 10k words, and a good portion of which are "illegal". Mind you, this is conjecture, but I think a safe approximation of the number of "illegal" fics is, at least, 100k, with more coming in unnoticed every day. At their current sluggish rate, and falsely assuming that the status quo will only get better, then it would take them roughly (at best), a little over 27 years to clean this clusterfuck off. Even if you cut the illegal submissions down to a much more conservative estimate of 50k and triple the rate of removal, it would still take them 5 years to go through all this junk. So, in the best possible scenario, with the estimates being favorable to the point of being unrealistic- they will never accomplish their goal. If it should take them 5 years to clean up a site that is essentially in stasis, then even a fool can see that with the community growing ever larger, and the number of submissions being ever more, then what they are doing is a monumental waste of time. Best case scenario: more than 5 years if the CU really picks up it's pace, worse case scenario: more than 3 decades. My point? Instead of being proactive and doing something tangible and beneficial with their time, these cretins pore over the collective garbage and waste of Fanfiction, with no end in sight. I have an amazing idea- how about a job? Maybe help out at a soup kitchen? Learn a language? Hell, even playing a video game, I would say, is a better way to spend your time than burning it in an ever-growing bonfire of literary shit. But, I really don't think that these people do this crap because of what they say they do it for. Its quite obviously about power, about a sense of control. They like being able to go remove a pre-pubescent kid's badly written interactive fic that literally 5 people will ever see, pasting their bullshit reviews. They keep on propagating their self-righteous spiel, when in reality all that these groups are ever really about is themselves. Hey, if that is what you want to do after you come home from school or work, fine with me, but I just want to let you know that its pretty fucking pathetic, and that you are the laughingstock of the mature portion of the community. Cheers!
Shit from Harry Potter that is stupid, annoying, or just plain asinine (AKA My Harry Potter Rants)
Quidditch: This is by far one of the more stupid elements of the Harry Potter world. First off- brooms? Really? Was that really the most aerodynamically stable object that the magical folk of Europe could procure? Not to mention that your balls and general underside would be turned to black-and-blue jelly after more than two minutes of flying, but was it is actually considered a sport. Well, okay, with magic I suppose that your more tender parts wouldn't feel so bad. But to call it a sport? For crying out loud, all that you're doing is sitting and not falling off. You are literally not doing ANY work, of ANY sort. So it always annoys the hell out of me when generally reasonable FanFic Authors put something like this into their Fics: 'Years of playing Quidditch had toned Harry, making him lean and muscled'. The Seeker doesn't even do much, he just floats like a f*cking balloon. Case in point? IT'S NOT A SPORT! I've only seen it done well once, where the author actually had Harry train for the professional leagues, where you could "ramp" your broom to make it go much faster, and where it was actually strenuous, to a point. Having a shitload of enchantments on a broom to make it fly and to make you not fly off doesn't make it a sport. That's like calling a race car driver "toned and fit" because he drives competitively.
Completely ridiculous, if you ask me. And besides, from our profile of the Wizardring World, it is safe to assume that they don't like physical activity. Like, at all. They use MAGIC to do the dishes. Nobody like doing the dishes. But they get no exercise, at all, even something like that. A flick, and it is done. You don't need to walk anywhere, just hop into the floo. So please, don't talk about people manually holding onto a stick through out the force of a shitload of G's, and then getting tired of the simplest things.
The whole thing is Bullshit.
Ron: Seriously the worst friend that Harry could have possibly picked. Not loyal, 0 support for Harry when he really needs it, insanely jealous, and a host of other idiotic problems. Not only that, but he is also incredibly disgusting, apparently, and is very food-biased. He is abrasive, dumb, and an all-round horrible person. A really Gryffindor version of Malfoy, really.
Horcrux Inside Harry Lighting bolts are pretty cool. So plop one on this kid and call him a miracle child! He saved the world! 1-year old infant, took down the DARK LORD! But shit, the DL is back! Whatever will we do? Oh, sure, let's rely on this teenager not even out of school to save our asses! How is he going to do that? By sacrificing himself! Because, you know, human sacrifice, scapegoating, and magical spirit protection (apparently this always happens in the Wizardring World whenever you die for someone... Oh, wait, IT DOESN'T) are totally fine!
But why does he need to die? Because the killing curse broke off a chunk of the DL's soul! First of all, soul? Fucking really? They have immortal souls now? What, are Wizards different from muggles? I do not understand. So, apparently, the ANCIENT MAGICAL MYSTERIOUS PROTECTION ("Old Magic") from Lily (Because young adults fresh out of the equivalent of muggle High School know spells and rituals which the DL, who has been studying this for years, perhaps even decades, doesn't know) which deflects the curse. Ok.
So, Voldemort dies, right? Cast out of his body and all that? Yeah, but the is also another thing. Apparently, whenever someone is hit with the killing curse, a part of their soul immediately seeks out the nearest person to live inside their head in the form of an iconic, and VERy marketable lighting bolt in the forehead!
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