Author has written 13 stories for Twilight, and Harry Potter.
Nicknames: Spence, Blondie
Favourite Food: Tacos and Nachos
Favourite Subject: Art, Math and L.A.
Hobby's: Reading, Writing, Hanging out with my mates, listening to music.
Worst Fear: Not Living and What Tomorrow Brings.
Origin: German, Ukraine, Russian, Irish and Polish
Favourite Bands: Linkin Park, Paramore, Evanescence, The Fray, Pink, Three Days Grace and August Burns Red.
Hair Colour: Dirty Blond
Eye Colour: Blue and Green.
have you done any of the following? if not, you better get started:)
Effective Ways On How To Annoy/Scare/Weird Out The Living Daylights Outta People (on elevators, in computer labs, etc.)
1. Repeat everything the person says in a question.
THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
17. Throw skittles at people and yell, "Taste the rainbow!'
18. Go the toy section, get a light-saber and start challenging people to a Jedi match.
19. Follow a random person and if they turn and ask why are you following me yell, "No I won't have sex with you!"
37 Things to do in an Elevator
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
If I could!
If I could hold your hand
So long ago you left
If I could walk beside you
So long ago you left
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
1. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire
2. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking
3. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado
4. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts
5. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
6. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping
7. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required
8. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use
9. On Sears hairdryer:
10. On a bag of Fritos:
11. On a bar of Dial soap:
12. On some Swann frozen dinners:
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
15. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
16. On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
17. On Nytol sleep aid:
18. On a Korean kitchen knife:
19. On a string of Christmas lights:
20. On a food processor:
21. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
22. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
23. On a Swedish chainsaw:
24. On a child's Superman costume:
25. On Back Pain Killers
I want everyone to try these, all right?
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy"
Ask your dog if it's comfortable with it's name. Repeat with cat, until people ask if you're alright.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk .
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme .
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because your not in the mood.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! they're loose!!"
A friend wants the money back that they loaned you last week. Best friends can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.
A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions
A friend will ask why your crying. A best friend will already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.
A friend always gives your stuff back when they borrow it. Best friends lose your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance
A friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away
A friend will help me up when I fall down. A best friend will point and laugh because she tripped me
A friend will bail me out of jail. A best friend will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up".
A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me
A friend never ask for food and call your parents Mr. and Mrs. and grandpa, grandpa, best friends are the reason you never have any food and call your parents MOM and DAD and grandpa GRAMPS!!
A friend asks me for my number. A best friend asks me for her number
A friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place
A friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.
A friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
A friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
A friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
A friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.
A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - dammit - run!"
A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A friend will be there to take your drink away when they think you’re had enough. Best friends will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Bitch, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"
Friends fade. Best Friends are 4 Ever.
Random Sarcastic Junk.
One day, I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, Then it hit me
Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks.
Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.
Boys are like slinkeys. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and let the world wonder how you did it.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up
Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?
If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.
When life gives you lemons, squirt them in the eyes of your enemies.
Don't knock on death's door, ring the doorbell and run- he hates that!
My knight in shining turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
It's better to keep quiet and let someone think you're stupid, than to open your mouth and prove it.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious.
if you talk about me i got some advice. click your heels 3 times and say 'i wish i had a life'!
OMG! i think i just saw a flying bird!
let me write that down in my 'things i dont really give f about' notebook.
yea you have the right to your own opinion, but i have the right to think your stupid.
warning: im sarcastic and i hurt peoples feeling sometimes, boo hoo. get over it.!
I don't obsess, I think intensely!
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda."
I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.
"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."
"Nothing worse than getting your pigtails shot off..."
"Nobody move! I dropped my brain."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"He who laughs last didn't get it."
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
-Education is important; school however, is another matter.
I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.
-Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!
-Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
-I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist.
-If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
-Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?
-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?
-There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.
-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.
-High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.
It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
-People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House.
-I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
-I do not deny everything.
-Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage.
Love me or hate me. Personally I could care less
-Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us
-Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.
-Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over...
-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
The road to success is always under construction.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.
I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.
Sometimes I wonder "why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Don't take life to serouly, no one gets out alive anyway
Life's tough...Get a helmet
I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now!
SHUT UP VOICES!! or I'll poke you with the Q-tip again...
If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends
Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do
Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died
Man Invented Language To Satisfy Their Deep Need To Complain
Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet!
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
"Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for."
"Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you."
"If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words."
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P
I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.
Shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark
Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum?
People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.
Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.
An atheist is a person who believes in not believing anything.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
There are no stupid questions – just stupid people.
My Mother Taught Me
1. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
6. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
14. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
18. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
19. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
21. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
23. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING.
"You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more.”
25. My mother taught me CONSEQUENCES.
"If you don't tidy your room, there'll be hell to pay."
26. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
a black man walks into A bar, a white man walks in and says
IF YOU HATE STEREO TYPES READ AND POST THIS!!
Bold those that fit you!!
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast (I will write them, just won't say them)
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
Dan't be an idiot and judges others when they can just turn around and judge you!
'Never Argue With A Woman'
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could startat any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
Reasons why girls are the best
1.We got off the Titanic first
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.(We don't usually picture guys naked we picture what it would be like to kiss you then get over it and move on.)
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
Random Weirdness That Hardly Links.
Regular lions say ROAARR.
Angry lions say BLARGAROARIMMAEATYOU
Sad lions say roooaaar.
Mountain lions say: OMGEDWARDCULLENRUN
You know you live in 2009 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you wierd, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have a tendency to talk/sing to yourself copy and paste this to your profile.
Have you ever tried having a thumb war with yourself?? I have. If you have just tried having a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you like chocolate as much as I do (which is ALOT), copy this in your profile.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this in it to make it even longer.
If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this into your profile
If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think those stupid kids should just give that god-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, then copy this into your profile.
If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turky Bird thing shoud go to rehab, copy this into your profile.
If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post this in your profile.
If you would love to have wings, post this in your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. (Gets really aggravating after a while...)
If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile .
If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and pastethis into your profile.
If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile. (Right after I finished reading the sign...)
If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile. (Stupid immobile walls...)
If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into your profile. (All the time...)
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Yup, usually during awkward or normal silences...)
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. (...twenty...)
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. (You're on it)
92 of teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle said it was uncool to breathe. if you are part of the 8 that would stand there and laugh you ass off, copy and paste this into your profile. (Every time... ;p)
If you have ever turned around and questioned how you got on those subjects after an entire conversation, copy and paste this in to your profile.
If you complian that your feet are cold and your mom tells you to put socks on and you dont just for the sake of being stubborn, copy and paste this to your profile. (...Guilty...)
If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile. (Only if the martians don't give them back)
This is about abortion...
You know what Mommy
You went to the doctor today.
I can hear that doctor again.
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Why America has some issues (One thing that America DIDN’T screw up-this list)
1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the drivewayand put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
~Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest telling us to sit down and shut up.
~ I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the w's
~ A true idiot climds a glass wall to see what's on the other side.
~You say I'm not cool. But cool is just another word for cold. so if I'm not cold, I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
~Boys are like Slinky's. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
~When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you more, you throw them back, because really, who likes lemons? And when it gives you even more, squirt them in their eyes and see how much life likes lemons then.
~Guns don't kill people. People kill people.
~If guns don't kill people, ten can I blame all my misspells on my pencil?
~I know I just said 'Guns don't kill people. People kill people.' But I think that guns help! I mean, not much would happen if you just sit there and yell 'BOOM'
~My friend overheard some people talking about me. How weird I was, how creepy, how wrong. But I just said 'I feel sorry for them' because I have a friend who told me, while their friends would sooner be the ones saying it.
~You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
~A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend/girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
~A good friend will bail you out of jail. But a Best Friend will be sitting next to you saying "Let's do it again!"
~Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed.
~I used all my sick days so I called in dead.
~Life isn't trying to pass me by; it's trying to run m over!
~You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to.
~The extinction of the dinosoars was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.
~Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
~When in doubt, make words up!
~The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
~If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!
~If you're going to be two-faced sweetie, at least make one of them pretty!
~Don't worry about the end of the world coming today- it's already tomorrow in Australia.
~Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid!
~Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies! Of, that red stuff leaking out of them?...That's cooking oil.
~Before you criticize a person, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes!
~An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.
~Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!
~There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in PIE, an so there is an 'I' in MEAT PIE and since MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
~Newscaster ase the people who tell you "Good evening" and then procede to tell you why it's not.
~Two things are infinite; infinity, and human stupidity. Not so sure about infinity...
~Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible? ~I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.
~Don't hit kids. Seriously, they have guns now.
~WARNING- lost kids will be sold to the circus
~If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So SHUT UP!
~I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework.
~WARNING- stop throwing your cigarette butts on the carpet! Seriously, the cockroaches are getting cancer!
~There are three kinds of people- those who count, and those who can't.
~Warning: trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
~Welcome to the internet! Pants optional.
~If I throw a stick, will you go away?
~The grass may be greener, but it's just as hard to mow!
~If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off. (Personally this is my favorite one!!)
~I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
~I like you. When I rule the world your death will be quick and painless.
~If someone told most people they were weird, most people would disagree. I would ask what their first clue was.
Some of my current goals in life are to attend Hogwarts, rule Narnia, and be claimed by a greek god.
girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
She ended up staying longer than
As she walked along under the tall elm
When she reached the alley, which was a
However, halfway down the alley she
She became uneasy and began to pray,
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
When she reached the end of the alley,
The following day, she read in the
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
She felt she could recognize the man, so
The police asked her if she would be
She agreed and immediately pointed out
When the man was told he had been
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
She asked if they would ask the man one
Diane was curious as to why he had not
When the policeman asked him, he
Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.
Boys are like slinkeys. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.
My night in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil.
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Oh, I have a photographic memory... it just hasn't developed yet
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!
Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the ambulance do."
When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide
You know the speed of light;so what is the speed of dark ?
We're not sarcastic-we're hilarious
We're not annoying-we're just cooler than you
We're not bitches-we just don't like you
We're not obsessed-we're just best friends
Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
Life was so simple when boys had cooties.
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.
No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.
Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick
Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone.
Tell the truth and run.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
I put the FUN in DisFUNctional :)
It's all fun and games until someone get hurt...then its hilarious.
I dream of a better tomorrow--when chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
My imaginary friend thinks you have seriouse problems...
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me!
I dont have a short attention span, i just...oh look, a kitty!
I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...
Whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Has anyone else ever wondered how Alcoholics Anonymous stays Anonymous?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to
There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. (Please don't tell my momma. she'll send me to the naughty carner:()
I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. If you can raed tihs cpoy and ptsae
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
You can't wait for inspiration; you have to go after it with a club.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?
"Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that."
If you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing
Live dangerous…Run with scissors.
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
Stop calling me crazy your annoying my invisible friend.
The worst time to have a heart attack is when you’re playing charades. No one will believe you.
I’m not sleeping. I’m just looking at the insides of my eyelids. ( my teacher threw a book at me to test this. . . . . hardcover)
1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well. Again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at you.
9. This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'
About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.
FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.
Try not to cry
Mommy... Johnny brought a gun to school.
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great huge crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
When I went to school that day,
I never said Goodbye.
I'm sorry that i had to go, but Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, it hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.
Mommy please tell Daddy that I love him very much,
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; that she is the only one now.
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; that I'll be joining her now.
And tell my wonder full friends that they were always the best.
Mommy I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest.
Mommy tell my teachers that i won't show up for class.
And never forget this, O please don't let this pass,
Mommy why did it have to be me? No one, though, deserves this.
But Mommy, it's not fair, i left without a kiss.
I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest.
But Mommy please remember I'm in Heaven, with the rest.
When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could
Please listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new.
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, on that trip to the zoo, I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, i wanted to live.
But Mommy i must go now, the time is getting late.
Mommy, tell Zack I'm sorry to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know thats true.
And now all I need to say is "Mommy I love you."
My name is sarah
child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!
The Uncurable Disease
Hi, my name is Kazu.
I like Writing and I like Athletics.
I am running down the road
I suddenly tripped over.
I come home with a scatch on my knee.
My mummy begins to worry.
I tell her I am fine.
She sighs and says ok.
I am at school.
When suddenly I fall and hit a tree.
I am sent to the sickbay.
Then I am sent home.
Mummy takes me to the doctors.
The doctors tell mummy something.
Mummy starts to cry.
I tell her it's ok.
I'm not going to die.
She tells me I am starting.
Starting to be slower.
I don't know what it means.
But I have become sick.
I tell mummy it's ok.
I will become better.
Mummy starts to cry.
Do I have cancer?
Mummy says no.
Then what do I suppose.
As a year had past.
I struggle to walk.
My speech is getting slower.
It's hard for me to talk.
My friends like to help me.
My classmates like to run.
But I have to sit down.
And watch them have fun.
Then one day my teacher.
Comes to see mummy.
Daddy comes out.
And starts to get all snotty.
The teacher tells my parents.
I can no longer go to school.
My motion is too slow.
I ask the teacher slowly.
I am sorry I am useless.
I start to cry and beg her.
I want to go to school.
The teacher gives a smile.
And tells me she is sorry.
The school cant really help me.
The words were so cruel.
The day I had to leave.
My friends and classmates cried.
The boys upon the windows.
Wave to me goodbye.
I smile and sit in the car.
I am taken to a school.
A school with special people.
Just like me and you.
I start to have some fun.
I made a lot of friends.
As many years passed again.
I talk too slow to understand.
I cannot run anymore.
And I struggle to even stand.
I cannot write in my diary.
My motion is too slow.
Then one day I am sent.
To the hospital again.
Now many years have passed.
I lie in a warm bed.
I cannot move my body.
I cannot move again.
I talk very slowly.
I cannot move my head.
My mummy sits there crying.
My daddy looks depressed.
I ask my mummy sadly.
Am I going to die.
My mother holds my hand.
Yells and starts to cry.
A few more years later.
I have to shut my eyes.
I cannot talk or move.
I seem to have died.
Copy and Paste this story about Kazu who was diagnosed with a rare uncurable disease, Spinocerebellar Degeneration, in your profile. This disease causes a failure of muscle control in their arms and legs, resulting in a lack of balance and coordination or a disturbance of gait. Support and send the message worldwide.
I didn't trip...
I was testing Gravity!
It still works
I'll watch the scariest movies and not even flinch...
But I'll SCREAM at the top of my lungs when toast, pops out of the toaster...
"A guy gave his girl 12 roses, 11 real, one fake. There was note, and it said, "When the last rose dies, that's when I'll stop loving you."-Unknown
When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him
Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.
Your friend is the person who knows all about you, and still like you.
Friends never make assumptions about you. They never expect a reason to go out with you. In fact friends only expect you to be you.
Don't be so humble - you're not that great.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
FATAL ERROR: Size of thought exceeds available memory.
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
The best things in the world are free -- and worth every penny of it.
Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind.
If i dont call you
When i walk away from you mad
When i stare at your mouth
When i push you or hit you
When i start cussing at you
When im quiet
When i ignore you
When i pull away
When you see me at my worst
When you see me start crying
When you see me walking
When i'm scared
When i lay my head on your shoulder
When i grab at your hands
When i tease you
When i dont answer for a long time
When i look at you with doubt
When i say that i like you
When i bump into you
When i tell you a secret
When i look at you in your eyes
When i miss you
When you break my heart
When i say its over
Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say?
My sister- No, Sweden, no
Where are you right now?
a chair in front of my laptop
Look up, now look back. What did you see?
the fantastic veiw that is the roof
What's the last thing you ate?
What's your personality like?
Cruel, but fair
What was the last thing you thought?
how to answer this question
You have a million dollars. What do you do?
read a book
What are you eating/drinking RIGHT NOW?
What are you thinking RIGHT NOW?
that, that wierd eyebrow commercial is messed up
What's it like being you?
depends if im in my own world or not
What are your thoughts on writing?
How tall are you?
5'1 and I'm only 15
What book are you currently reading?
What music are you listening to?
What was the last website you visited before fan fiction?
What was the last thing you cooked?
What color are the walls of the room you are in?
Do you know who the governor of your state is?
How many different programs are open on your computer right now?
Have you ever been water-skiing?
What is the weather like?
Are you going an vacation this summer and where?
9 Things I Hate About Everyone 1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
I went to a party Mom…..
I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I had a sprite instead.
I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would.
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.
I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
and the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.
Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
the kid that caused this wreck ws drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.
My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
this girl is going to die.
I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high.
Because he chose to drink and drive,
now I have to die.
So why do people do it Mom
Knowing it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing knives.
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave.
And when i go to heaven,
Put "Mommy's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
My breath is getting shorter,
Mom I'm getting really scared
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.
I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, "I Love you, Mom!"
So I love you adn good-bye
MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers)
If you believe you have a choice to live or die, than don’t drink and drive! You might just ruin someone else’s life including family and friends or you ruined your own Life! Don’t Drink and Drive!!
Copy and paste to your profile if you believe it.
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