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Joined 11-05-09, id: 2137452, Profile Updated: 05-23-14
Author has written 41 stories for Metalocalypse, Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy XII, Ed, Edd n Eddy, Yu-Gi-Oh, Dresden Files, Harry Potter, Hobbit, Prince of Egypt, Assassin's Creed, Joseph: King of Dreams, South Park, and Snowpiercer.

Well everyone, I'm, uh, gomenasai I guess. Jeez, I really need to change that thing to something more, you know, modern.

As I'm sure all of you know, at least if you've spared the slightest glance to my stories, I write yaoi. So much yaoi. My preferred fandom is Metalocalypse, but I've also got stuff for FFXII, Kingdom Hearts, Bleach, Naruto, and Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney. And probably some other shit, but I don't look at my files often enough to know. To be perfectly honest, they scare me a little, because hey, there's probably some pretty bad porn in there, and I don't want to go near it.

A few people I know have equated me to Charles Foster Ofdensen, because, you know, I'm their CFO. I've also been informed that that's the only person I could ever cosplay as, since I have the same color hair, the same glasses, and literally all I'd need is a red tie since I already have a gray suit. Also, when I'm talking I admittedly say uh and ah a lot, and it's only when typing that I sound even moderately coherent.

Shit, I don't really have much else to say about myself, really. I'm honestly not all that interesting, obviously. Mostly I just do a lot of random stuff and write bad fanfiction in the interval. So yeah.

Ugh, what else, what else, what else... does anyone even give a quarter of a flying fuck? Probably not, so I'm going to stop typing now, and allow you guys to read some of the endless yaoi that rests on this page.

Or, I guess, on this one, which is my other fanfiction account that has the actual recent stuff I've done on it because I just sort of gave up on this website, I guess:

Cold Feet by Dwinip reviews
"Oh what the heck." Bilbo said to himself, carefully considering the invitation before sliding it gently into a crisp envelope. "It's not as if he'd ever come anyways." Sealing the envelope with red wax he carefully scrolled on its front: H.M. Thorin Oakenshield & Company, Erebor. :AU storyline. Post Battle of Five Armies. Everybody lives. Slow burn. Jealous Thorin:
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,998 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 143 - Updated: 3/14/2013 - Published: 2/8/2013 - Thorin, Bilbo B.
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Meeting a Dragon reviews
Smaug gets caught in a storm and crashes in the Shire, just outside Bag End. Bilbo and his family help him on Bilbo's request, and in exchange, Smaug warns them of a small orc troupe coming in their direction and kills them for the hobbits once he leaves. Imagine Bilbo's surprise when, many years later, he encounters the exact same dragon in a mountain he's meant to help reclaim.
Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,422 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 11/17 - Published: 11/10 - [Bilbo B., Smaug]
An Assassin's Past
After the events of the game, Malik begins to uncover Altair's past, his life before he was recruited into the Assassin's order. He takes it upon himself to uncover the rest and get revenge, until at last Altair discovers what he's been doing.
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 12,868 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 11/13 - Published: 7/28 - [Altaïr, Malik]
Rescue reviews
Altair is overwhelmed by a group of soldiers with impure intentions, and is rescued by Malik, who grew worried and came looking for him after not hearing anything to signify that Altair had completed his mission. Altair is disturbed by it all, and Malik comforts him.
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,520 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/13 - [Altaïr, Malik] - Complete
Learning reviews
Bilbo discovers that dwarven ideas of propriety are very different from a hobbit's, and so tells an inappropriate story that ends in a strange request from Kili, who wants the opportunity to be with someone physically before he reaches Erebor. He realizes greater feelings for Bilbo that cause him to attempt to court the hobbit, who is confused by it all but willing to try for love.
Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 43,779 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 11/4 - Published: 6/15 - [Bilbo B., Kili] - Complete
This is a Dresden Files Snowpiercer AU, with John desperate to get to the front to help his people, while Harry, the security and explosives expert he broke out of prison, just wants to save his daughter. I found the prompt for this on the Dresden Files Kink Meme, but for the life of me I can't find it again, so if anyone knows it, drop me a PM!
Crossover - Dresden Files & Snowpiercer - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,207 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/15 - [H. Dresden, J. Marcone]
Painting reviews
After seeing Ezio flirting with a Papal Guard in a small tavern Leonardo has been tasked to paint, Leonardo is forced to acknowledge the feelings he has for his friend. First, though he has to figure out why in the world Ezio was there, and what possessed him to act as he did.
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,188 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/15 - [Ezio A., Leonardo da Vinci]
A New Concubine reviews
Vayne goes to Rabanastre in search of a new concubine, and finds one in a gorgeous blonde desert boy. Basically PWP with Vayne and Vaan, with Penelo as an unwilling voyeur. Now with added eventual Balthier/Vaan.
Final Fantasy XII - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 13,909 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 8/3 - Published: 8/28/2012 - Balthier, Vaan, Vayne
Permission reviews
While Joseph is coming to terms with how the relationship between himself and his brothers has changed, Potiphar is desperately thinking of how to tell Joseph of his love for him, and how to make his family approve. For vampygurl402.
Joseph: King of Dreams - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,312 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 7/29 - Published: 7/3 - [Joseph, Egyptian Potiphar]
Gold Sick reviews
After reclaiming the mountain, Thorin falls under the thrall of his gold, and Bilbo is willing to do anything to restore his dearest friend to his former self.
Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 35,386 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 7/8 - Published: 5/12 - [Bilbo B., Thorin] - Complete
Best Friends
Kenny and Karen leave their house one night looking for a place to stay and find Cartman to be the only available option. When, later that night, Kevin comes to tell Kenny that he's found a new place for them, Cartman gets angry and wants Kenny to stay with him instead, as over the years he has developed feelings for his best friend. Kenny finds himself stuck in the middle.
South Park - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,893 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/5 - [Eric Cartman, Kenny M.]
Unexpected Love reviews
Thranduil has been bothered, of late; ever since he found himself with a collection of Dwarven prisoners, as a matter of fact. He has felt a stirring in his heart he has not felt for some time; his One is near, yet it is not one of his prisoners, but a hobbit who has been hiding in order to help them.
Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 38,542 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 127 - Updated: 5/27 - Published: 2/1 - [Bilbo B., The Elven King of Mirkwood] - Complete
Of Hobbits and Belt Buckles reviews
After Bilbo falls from his pony, Thorin insists on the hobbit riding with him. Bilbo, of course, is very annoyed by something prodding him in the back as they ride. When he mentions that Thorin's belt buckle was annoying him to Fili and Kili, the boys, of course, laugh. Thus starts a journey of trying to discover what is so funny about belt buckles, along with a journey to love.
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,812 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 21 - Published: 2/23 - [Bilbo B., Thorin] - Complete
A Different Evil Altogether reviews
Smaug doesn't want Erebor anymore, really; over time, it has grown quite dull. The only issue is, he can't exactly leave anymore, as he was bound there by a wizard as punishment to keep the evil contained there from spreading. Now, though, he has awoken, and that means that it has too; not to mention the fact that now Bilbo, who has also learned of this, must tell the dwarves.
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 27,795 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 2/17 - Published: 11/4/2014 - [Bilbo B., Smaug] - Complete
In Monteriggioni reviews
After Ezio comes to him hurt following his encounter with the Spaniard, Leonardo insists on accompanying his friend to Monteriggioni, plagued the whole way by his thoughts of loving him. Once there, a conversation with La Volpe leads to the realization that perhaps his feelings aren't as unrequited as he thought.
Assassin's Creed - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,293 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 4 - Published: 2/15 - [Ezio A., Leonardo da Vinci] - Complete
Return to Egypt reviews
Moses has been forced to return to Egypt because of his mission, but in exchange for the freedom of the slaves, Rameses has demanded that Moses become the prince of Egypt once more and remain at his side. Moses, seeing no choice, agrees and finds himself torn between what he thinks is right, and what he truly feels. Dedicated to vampygurl402.
Prince of Egypt - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 24,564 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 1/21 - Published: 8/30/2014 - [Rameses, Moses] - Complete
Wrestling and Metal Do Not Blend reviews
After a particularly ridiculous debacle involving wrestling (thanks, Murderface) the whole band is injured and, despite the free break from work, miserable. So, hurt and bored, the band members embark upon a quest to find other means to entertain themselves. Somehow, very few plans pan out.
Metalocalypse - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,515 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/21/2014 - [Toki W., Skwisgaar S.]
Why Not to Steal a Company's Burglar reviews
Bilbo's fascination with elves is becoming a problem in Rivendell because the elves seem to have a fascination with him too and it looks almost like they're attempting to steal the hobbit for themselves. This, of course, will not stand amongst the dwarves, who hae decided to do whatever it takes to make sure Bilbo leaves with them.
Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 24,908 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 115 - Updated: 10/29/2014 - Published: 8/5/2014 - [Bilbo B., Thorin] - Complete
To Love A Hobbit reviews
Bilbo has begun to seriously intrigue Thorin, after the Orc Incident, but obviously he can't admit that, being a Dwarven King, even if one without a mountain. Instead, he goes on in silence until Fili and Kili, being his loving and darling nephews, decide to help him out by pretending to court Bilbo themselves.
Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,174 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 160 - Follows: 43 - Published: 5/23/2014 - [Bilbo B., Thorin] Fili, Kili - Complete
The Oblivious Wizard and the Long-Suffering Mob Boss reviews
Harry refuses to work for Marcone one too many times, and so the mob boss uses coercion upon meeting Harry at the art gala. Harry cooperates to get the Shroud of Turin, but what he doesn't know is that Marcone wants him for far more than magic, and will certainly be doing all he can to trip him into bed. Set during Death Masks, but I cut most of the plot out, even though I love it.
Dresden Files - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 90,552 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 4/7/2014 - Published: 5/15/2013 - H. Dresden, J. Marcone - Complete
Chicago is Insane reviews
A visiting mobster sees something funny going on between Chicago's resident boss and a weird PI, and when he tells his Boss about it, he's tasked to investigate. That turns out to be a lot harder than it should be because obviously no one wants him messing around in this and why is that dog talking?
Dresden Files - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,437 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/27/2013 - H. Dresden, J. Marcone - Complete
Borrowed Time reviews
Sequel to Too Little Time. John has just found out that Harry is a ghost. He doesn't know whether to be thrilled or devastated. He still does everything he can to help, though, and finally gets to ease his regret and tell Harry just how he always felt. Harry doesn't know how to react, and it just adds onto the troubles he already has. Ghost story spoilers.
Dresden Files - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 23,203 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/27/2013 - H. Dresden, J. Marcone - Complete
Snow Harry and Prince John
Yet another dream has befallen poor Harry, and this one has shoved him right in the world of Snow White. He knows that this stuff is getting too ridiculous because a relationship with John is actually beginning to sound not ridiculous, and that just won't do. He might freak out a little. Also, this one is really high T, so treat lightly.
Dresden Files - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,052 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/27/2013 - H. Dresden, J. Marcone - Complete
Little Red Riding Harry
In a sort of continuation to Harry in Wonderland, Harry has another dream, this one where he's placed in the position of Little Red Riding Hood, and encounters John Marcone, the Big Bad Wolf, out in the woods as he goes to bring treats to his sick grandfather.
Dresden Files - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,210 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/27/2013 - H. Dresden, J. Marcone - Complete
He's My Little Brother! reviews
Harry Dresden goes to Zero for information on a current case, but he gets kidnapped and subsequently rescued by gentleman John. After this, he's brought back to Thomas, and John shows just how much he dislikes the thought of Harry and Thomas together, while Thomas continues to be certain that absolutely no one is good enough for his little brother.
Dresden Files - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 79,618 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 8 - Published: 11/27/2013 - H. Dresden, J. Marcone - Complete
Too Little Time reviews
Spoilers for Changes. Harry Dresden is dead. John can't believe it. It seems like just yesterday he had only met the wizard, found out he could live for hundreds upon hundreds of years. He thought he'd have more time. He'd never thought the ride could end so fast. Now it was all over. He'd lost his chance, but he'd make whoever did it pay.
Dresden Files - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,537 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/21/2013 - H. Dresden, J. Marcone - Complete
Harry in Wonderland reviews
Harry Dresden is dreaming. This is certain. He does not know who is making him dream this, but whoever it is will soon be a charred lump on the ground, because Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden is not Alice! He should not have to wear this stupid dress! And John Marcone shouldn't see that, even if it's not really him.
Dresden Files - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,321 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/21/2013 - H. Dresden, J. Marcone - Complete
A Wizard, a Boss, and an Enforcer What could go wrong?
Until being tasked to follow him and getting caught, Hendricks always thought Harry was just a lucky pain in his ass. He discovers that Harry was actually pretty cool, and they become friends, until Gard ruins it by telling him that both he and the Boss have feelings for him. Harry, being Harry, suggests a threesome. They're happy, until a face from Harry's past returns to ruin it
Dresden Files - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 56,183 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/21/2013 - H. Dresden, J. Marcone, Justin D. - Complete
Harry Dresden at Hogwarts reviews
Harry Dresden is asked to work at Hogwarts, and John Marcone, forever an obsessive stalker, follows him. Upon arrival, however, he's turned into an eighteen year old who lacks John's signature iron control, and really, really wants to get into Harry's pants.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Dresden Files - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 80,367 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 8 - Published: 6/23/2013 - H. Dresden, J. Marcone - Complete
To Love A Mage reviews
Yugi, during a duel in which his soul is trapped in the Dark Magician Girl's card, becomes acquainted with the Dark Magician, and the two begin to become friends. In later encounters, this friendship evolves into something more, much to the chagrin of Gaia the Fierce Knight, and a few more of Yugi's loyal, beloved cards. Suggestions for title appreciated.
Yu-Gi-Oh - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,450 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 5/15/2013 - Published: 1/5/2013 - Dark Magician/Black Magician, Yūgi M. - Complete
Growing Up reviews
I want to be young again, more than anything. I hate what's happened to us, and I want to go back... I want to be a kid again! But I can't. I'm all grown up now, all of us are, and I guess... I guess I can't change that.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,066 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/16/2012 - Eddy - Complete
The Battle over the Norwegian reviews
This is the sequel to The Jealousy of a Swede, and involves a full-on battle royale between Skwisgaar and Nathan! The whole Haus gets divided, with Skwisgaar and Pickles on one side, Nathan and Murderface on the other, and Toki in the middle! We'll finally see who really gets the adorable little Norwegian!
Metalocalypse - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,174 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 11/14/2012 - Published: 10/20/2012 - Toki W., Skwisgaar S. - Complete
The Jealousy of a Swede reviews
Seeing Toki and his interactions with his other bandmates has finally sent Skwisgaar to his breaking point! Watch as he confronts them all one by one, and everyone learns that you should not mess with a Swede's Norwegian!
Metalocalypse - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 14,013 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 10/2/2012 - Published: 9/6/2012 - Toki W., Skwisgaar S. - Complete
Of Sneaky Blondes and Regretful Doctors reviews
Roxas gets sick and goes to Vexen for care, but the doctor, desperate for the admiration he garnered as a human attempts to make him sicker. He, of course, feels guilty immediately and begins to fix what he'd done, but little does he know Roxas has a secret of his own.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,019 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/27/2012 - Roxas, Vexen - Complete
To Court A Blonde reviews
Xaldin, despite his claim to a silver tongue, has no idea of how to start a relationship, much less one with Roxas! His only hope turns out to be Axel, who promises his assistance in exchange for a pretty, pretty ruby.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,205 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Published: 8/27/2012 - Roxas, Xaldin - Complete
Beauty and the Beast reviews
Beauty and the Beast, XigRoku style. Plot changed some for convenience.
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,718 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/27/2012 - Roxas, Xigbar - Complete
Blame It On The Ice Cream reviews
This is the first story in a series I'm doing which pairs Roxas with every male Organization member. This one is Xemnas x Roxas. Xemnas goes on a mission with Roxas and becomes his permanent missions partner. Over time, he begins to develop feelings for the blonde, but it's all the ice cream's fault!
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,390 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/7/2012 - Published: 8/5/2012 - Roxas, Xemnas - Complete
Preklok reviews
AU preklok story set while Magnus is still in the band and they're just meeting Toki. Pairs are Skwisgaar/Toki and Magnus/Toki. The other members see Toki as kind of a little brother, like they do in the show. Last chapter contains a short, not very detailed lemon.
Metalocalypse - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 34,460 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 8/1/2012 - Published: 7/12/2012 - Toki W., Skwisgaar S. - Complete
At RockARoonie Fantasy Camp reviews
Magnus' point of view in Dethcamp. Magnus X Toki fic.
Metalocalypse - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,660 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/4/2012 - Toki W. - Complete
Toki's Worst Night Ever reviews
Poor little Toki comes home to Mordhaus one night drunk. Rated T for a few cuss words and implied sex that's only there if you squint.
Metalocalypse - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,420 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 10 - Published: 1/21/2011 - Toki W. - Complete
I Wish for a Heart reviews
Riku and Roxas talking to each other in poem format
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: K - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 182 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 10/24/2010 - Riku, Roxas - Complete
Being Metal reviews
Just a cute little drabble of Toki and Skwisgaar
Metalocalypse - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 196 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 7 - Published: 10/24/2010 - Skwisgaar S., Toki W. - Complete