Author has written 4 stories for Twilight, Doctor Who, Vampire Diaries, and Torchwood.
╔══╦══╦══╗ ωє нανє вєєи ∂ιαgиσѕє∂
████ 30crazy (but in a GOOD way)
██████████ 80Harry Potter FanGossip girl addict
███████████ 90Twilight addict
╔══╦══╦══╗ You have been diagnosed
Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916
Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916
Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843
Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901
Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901
Bella Swan/Cullen: Clumsier than you since 1990
Renesmee Cullen: More special than you since 2008
DO THESE RELATE TO YOU??
AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder.
AV is Addicted to Vampires
LES is Love Edward Syndrome
OCD is Obsessive Cullen Disorder
WBWAVS is Wishing Bella Was A Vampire Syndrome
WIWAVS is Wishing I Was A Vampire Syndrome
JNJOCNRP is Jacob needs to jump off a cliff for non-recreational purposes
YKTCARS You Know that The Cullens are Real Syndrome
10 Ways to Annoy Carlisle Cullen
10. Tell him only to address you in a cute English accent.
9.Call him Carlisle, but be sure to pronounce the “s”. When he corrects you, give him a weird look and tell him the “q” is silent.
8.Ask if blondes really do have more fun.
7. Inquire as to what he actually does on his night shift on the hospital, with all the pretty nurses in the ER.
6. Instead of telling him to “get lost” in an argument, tell him to swim to France.
5. When he annoys you, respond with “times have changed, old man”.
4. Ask what type of superhuman power compassion is – what does he do in a fight? Love thy enemy to death?
3. Leap out from behind the desk in his study when he isn’t expecting it and spray him with Holy Water.
2.Call him McSteamy or McDreamy.
And the Number One way to annoy Carlisle Cullen?
1. Run around the Emergency Room screaming “I’ve been bitten! I’ve been bitten!”
10 Ways to Annoy Jasper Hale
10. Beg him not to eat you.
9. Inform him that he seems to be the “depressed” Cullen.
8. Go up to him, look him in the eye and ask if he is hungry.
7. Spell his name with two “a”’s (Jaspar) and call him Jaspar Cullen. When he objects, saying his name is Jasper Hale, wave your hand at him and tell him all that blood must have gone to his brain.
6. Tell him only girls feel emotions. Then giggle and run away.
5. Dress up in a cape and fangs and leap out in front of him when he is least expecting it, proclaiming you have come to suck his blood.
4. Send out waves of lust and see how he reacts.
3. When he gets too close made your fingers into the sign of the cross and cry, “The power of Christ compels you!”.
2. Splatter red paint all over his and Alice’s room and videotape his reaction.
And the Number One way to annoy Jasper Hale?
1. Whenever he says anything, snap to attention, shout “Sir, yes sir!” and salute, army style.
SIGNS WHICH SHOW YOU LOVE JASPER HALE
1. You giggle whenever you see Jasper written in any book or shown in a movie.
2. You have learnt by heart the meaning of Jasper in the Oxford dictionary - A reddish brown quartz.
3. You cry when you listen to songs which depict the past life of Jasper, before Alice.
4. You have slight jealousy towards Alice, because you feel you deserve him more.
5. You have watched many Civil War movies.
6. You call your boyfriend "Major".
7. You pay attention in History class when teaching about the Civil War.
8. You try to speak in a Southern Accent.
9. You call your friends darlin'.
10. You show off the crescent shaped scars you received from your brother/ sister and go around saying, "Jasper gave me a love bite"
11. You love hailstorms because they rhyme with the Halestorms which Jasper Hale creates in your heart.
12. You officially change your surname to Hale.
13.You write Jasper everywhere you find, even in your notebooks.
14. You try to use empathic powers on people (to no effect, unfortunately).
15. You always feel lusty whenever you think of Jasper at night.
16. You always blush when somebody calls you Mrs. Whitlock.
17. You dream fluffy scenes with Jasper
Lessons Learned in Twilight:
1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
Emmett's the strongest.
But only Jasper can sit in a corner and STILL make everyone feel jealous
I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
Whenever I'm out of town
I promise to obey traffic laws
For Charlies sake of course
And I promise to remember Jacob
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Carlisle
Whenever I am in the emergency room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Everytime there's a huge boom
I promise to to remember Rose
Whenever I see something that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful bronze hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my stomach isn't curled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
Yes, I promise to love Twilight
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the Twilighters know
~Copy and paste this on your profile if you're a true Twilighter/Fanpire/etc...~
If you're constantly thinking, "What would Emmett do?", then copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think that Midnight Sun should come out NOW, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of it's effects, copy and paste this into your profile cough, cough...Twilight.
If you think that TWILGHT is the best book known to woman (and man)...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you want to slice out Jacob Black's organs, throw them into a fire, and do a native dance around the fire, for what he did in 'Eclipse' copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think that Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Edward is perfect for Bella, paste this onto your profile no me cause im perfect for edward hes mine girls back off
If you hate Mike and you're not afraid to say it, paste this into your profile
If you think Jessica can be annoying paste this into your profile
If you think Jessica and Mike belong together because they're both annoying and stupid, paste this into your profile
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile
This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your
A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his brake wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love
"Psh, screw the Dark Side. So what if they have cookies? Come to the Light Side, we have Edward Cullen and Stefan Salvatore
R.I.P. Daddy's Little Cannibal. ~If you knew her or were a fan of her work, you know how hard this is. Her fanfiction was original and amazingly good, and her novel ideas were even better. She will be missed by everyone who knew her or knew of her; she was a legend.~
i might discountinue 20 years reunion send me a message if i should continue it.??
I'm a firm believer of death to Martha Jones!
Madame De Pompadour is a man eating slut
Steven Moffat classified Rose Tyler as the Doctor's "needy girlfriend," and that he had to hand it to the Doc for ditching her and 'palming her off on a copy of himself.' If this statements makes you very, very angry, join the club! (and copy this into your profile!)
i cant believe rose went with 10.5 how could she ?? gasp
10 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen
10. Sing “Discovery Channel” by the Bloodhound Gang in your head whenever he is near.
9. Hotwire his Volvo and take it on a joyride.
8. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically pedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.
7. Ask how Tanya is.
6. End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”
5. Call him Romeo both behind his back and to his face.
4. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”
3. Tell him his hair isn’t bronze, it’s ginger, and he should stop denying himself – he’s a ranga.
2. Whenever he leaves a room or says goodbye, get down on your knees and beg him not to go, not again.
And the Number One way to annoy Edward Cullen?
1. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna.
IF YOU HAVE EVER HAD THE SUDDEN DESIRE TO OWN A TAZER...
If yoo cant spel too sav yoor lyfe then putt thes in yoor profiele.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...
If you have deja vu a lot…
If you probably have a body in your closet…
If you have an MP3 and love rocking out to it…
If you would kill to have wings…
92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your ass off.
If you have ever been kidnapped and nearly eaten by evil flying squirrels before your vampire boyfriend saved you, then you found a flamethrower and vanquished the squirrels shouting “Die, squirrel beasts, die!”…
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer…
If you're random and proud of it…
If people mistake you for a vampire (cough cough or you are one cough cough)...
If people think you are mentally insane...
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation…
If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one…
If you have your own little world…
If you've ever talked to yourself…
If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination…
If you and your friend break out into song in a public area…
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it…
If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water…
If you haven't died yet…
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?"…
If you've ever attempted alchemy by clapping your hands or drawing an array
If you have ever had an unhealthy obsession with any -or all- of the Cullens and you don’t want to admit it even though you know admitting a problem is the first step to solving it but frankly you dont want the problem to be solved, copy this onto your profile
If you love Edward Cullen, copy this onto your profile
If you are addicted to vampires and would kill to become one, copy this onto your profile
If you’ve read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse over four times, copy this onto your profile
If you have ever tried to block your thoughts about how gorgeous Edward Anthony Mason Cullen is from said gorgeous Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, copy this onto your profile
If you think that TWILIGHT is the best book known to man...copy and paste this onto your profile
If you see a Volvo and think twilight...copy and past this into your profile
Weird is good, strange is bad, odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If your weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!
You know your addicted to Robin hood when...
1. Get unreasonably excited When your English teacher mentions euphemisms.
2. See a pigeon and think 'Lardener!'
3.. Are tempted to apply to Nottingham University for no other reason than its connection with Robin Hood.
4. Are tempted to say "They aren't crying, they're laughing on the wrong side of their face." when someone cries
5. Haved watched the Crafty craftsman, Honey euphemism, Booby & the Beast, Will and Djaq barn scene 'episode clips on youtube countless times.
6. Wish it was October already!
7. Have taken up writing fanfiction because you have so many ideas of possible situations for your favourite characters.
8. Yell at your family/housemates to shut up so you can watch Robin Hood and not miss anything, even if you've seen it ten times before.
9. Sulk when you discover Will/Allan/Much/Djaq doesn't have a character profile on your DVD.
10. Listen to songs and apply the lyrics to characters from the show.
11. Your wallpaper on your laptop is a character from the show.
12. Search obsessively for cast interviews on youtube.
13. Randomly hum the theme tune to yourself.
14. Suddenly know where Nottingham, Israel and Acre are on the map.
15. Have tried to find to find Sherwood Forest/Locksley/Acre on Google Earth.
16. Have made your own fan video and posted it on youtube
17. cant stop thinking about it
18.Have arguement in the middle of geography over whos fitter, Will or Allan
19.Write about them instead of doing a Charles dickens essay because you get distracted by his great great grandson
20. Cant do any work in ICT coz theres a picture on the wall of Robin Hood
21.Everytime someone says Baby you think about baby seth and the outlaws
22.In history your teacher says the cursades and you shout ROBIN HOOD WAS IN THEM!
23. The Slut in your form looks like Sarah the person Rob snogged in series 1 and you continuely point that out.
24. Everytime the Word Robin Hood comes up you jump for joy.
25. Your friends all think your mad because everything links back to it
I make my boyfriend suck on ice before he kisses me.
Mortality is overrated.
“If you ever kiss her again, I will break your jaw for her!” -Edward-Eclipse“
Body armor. Four thousand pounds of body armor. And missle-proof glass? Nice. What happened to good old fashioned bulletproof?
Jasper: My sexy war hero
Screw being a princess, I wanna be a vampire
“Edward, SLOW DOWN!” -Bella -Twilight
Do I dazzle you?When I hear Classical music, I think of Edward
“They are just stories Bella…” -innocent Jacob-Twilight“
My mortality, I’m putting it to a vote…” -Bella-Eclipse
“It’s Breakfast time for the human” -Edward-Breaking Dawn
“Aren’t you afraid you’ll hit a tree?!” -Bella-Twiligh
tObsessed? Nooooo Why would you say that?
'THE LION FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE LAMB...WHAT A STUPID LAMB,... WHAT A SICK MASOCHISTIC LION!!
I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me. Look after my heart - I've left it with you."
JUSt so i don't confuse you guys I AM TEAM EDWARD!!ahhhhhh now i have no idea!! i reread the series and idk i might go over to JACOB!! ahhhh
i kno my user is LIfesuxthnudie(jacob) but still edward is edward and we can argue until am right
When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. - Bella Swan
So, did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? - Mike Newton
Nothing compared to an iraitable grizzly. - Bella Swan
New Moon -
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lull, but pass it does. Even for me. - Bella Swan
Does my half nakedness bother you? - Jacob Black
When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything. - Edward Cullen
Bella: So let’s say my bad luck did crash the plane. What exactly were you going to do about it?
Jacob: But I am a werewolf and he is a vampire.
I don’t care who’s a werewolf and who’s a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too. - Bella
A guy and a girl were speeding over 100km on a motorcyle.
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.
The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.
She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'
His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'
'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check
'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'
Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''
'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
'My mommy loves white roses.'
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.
I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.
And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message, or
Love vs. Sex
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
She ended up staying longer than
As she walked along under the tall elm
When she reached the alley, which was a
However, halfway down the alley she
She became uneasy and began to pray,
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
When she reached the end of the alley,
The following day, she read in the
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
She felt she could recognize the man, so
The police asked her if she would be
She agreed and immediately pointed out
When the man was told he had been
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
She asked if they would ask the man one
Diane was curious as to why he had not
When the policeman asked him, he
Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly
heres an amazing story for you lovies out there!!
Strange and random things that made me laugh...
Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks.
Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.
Boys are like slinkeys. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?
If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.
Don't knock on death's door, ring the doorbell and run- he hates that!
My knight in shining turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
It's better to keep quiet and let someone think you're stupid, than to open your mouth and prove it.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious
If you talk about me i got some advice. click your heels 3 times and say 'i wish i had a life'!
OMG! i think i just saw a flying bird!
let me write that down in my 'things i dont really give f about' notebook.
yea you have the right to your own opinion, but i have the right to think your stupid.
i speak fluent sarcasm.
are yhu stoned
I don't obsess, I think intensely!
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda."
I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.
"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."
"Nobody move! I dropped my brain."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
Education is important; school however, is another matter.
I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist.
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?
There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.
Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.
High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.
It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House.
I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
I do not deny everything!
Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage.
Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us
Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.
Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over...
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
The road to success is always under construction.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.
I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.
Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape
Don't take life to serously, no one gets out alive anyway
I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now!
SHUT UP VOICES!! or I'll poke you with the Q-tip again...
If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends
Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do
Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died
Everyone Is Entitled To Their Own Opinion, It Just That Your's Is Stupid
Man Invented Language To Satisfy Their Deep Need To Complain
Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet!
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
"Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for."
"Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you."
"If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words."
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P
I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.
People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.
Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Something else that i laughed at :D
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Frito's! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?
Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do you call a girl that is named after her mother?
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?
More funny things i found :D These aren't mine by the way XD
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
15. The day you don't wash your hair is the day you meet a cute boy.
Even more stuff that made me think and laugh at the same time :D
Do not run in the school hall, gliding is more fun.
Officer, I swear to Drunk I am not God!
When life gives you lemons, spit the lemons in life's eyes.
Enjoying the "Great Outdoors" would be better if it were great.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
My heart? Yeah. It's not a playground.
Tears wash the windows of our souls so we can see ourselves more clearly. -Exodus 19:5
Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips.
We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls our good at one thing: Staying Strong.
Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird.
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! (OMC! Carlisle!)
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it all. And then some you don't want. -Daughtry
Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in hell would you keep looking for it if you already found it.
When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door.
Silence is golden but duck tape is silver
You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.
Behind every bitch there's a guy that made her that way.
Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it.
I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.
Dance like no one's watching. Sing like no one's listening.
Sometimes you've got to smile and walk away... Hold your tears in and pretend like you're okay.
Being mature is overrated.
Being weird is like being normal, only better.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.
Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!
Don't yawn in the shower. You might drown. -Bill Cosby
I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.
Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
Therapist = The/rapist (scary thought -shudder-)
Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! -Dory from Finding Nemo
I can resist anything but temptation.
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
One day we're going to look back at this, laugh nervously, then change the subject.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide.
I don't obsess, I think intensely.
Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.
24 Things I owe to my Mother
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
6. My mother taught IRONY.
7. My mother taught me about THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
14. My mother taught me about ENVY.
15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
17. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way!"
18. My mother taught me about ESP.
19. My mother taught me HUMOR.
20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
21. My mother taught me GENETICS.
22. My mother taught me about MY ROOTS.
23. My mother taught me WISDOM.
24. My mother taught me JUSTICE.
It's funny how 'hello' is always accompanied with 'goodbye'.
Bella: Do I ever cross your mind?
Bella: Do you like me?
Bella: Do you want me?
Bella: Would you cry if I left?
Bella: Would you live for me?
Bella: Would you do anything for me?
Bella: Choose--me or your life
Edward: My life
Bella runs away in shock and pain and Edward runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
I love this I found it online and i decided to put it here.
my fav doctor who couples
my least fav doctor who couples
My Fav Gilmore Girls Couples
Rose: Really though, Doctor, tell me...who are you?
The Doctor: 900 years of time and space, and I've never been slapped by someone's mother.
Rose: You've got the moves... Show me your moves.
Rose: You'll find your feet at the end of your legs. You may care to move them.
Rose/Bad Wolf: I can see everything. (The Doctor raises his head.) All that is... all that was... all that ever could be.
The Doctor: Rose, before I go, I just wanna tell you: you were fantastic, absolutely fantastic. And you know what? (pause; Rose shakes her head; the Doctor grins) So was I!
The Doctor: I'm having a neuron implosion... I need...
The Doctor: It's very well behaved this place. I thought there'd be happy-slapping hoodies. Happy-slapping hoodies with ASBOs. Happy-slapping hoodies with ASBOs and ringtones.
Mickey: I'm their man in Havana. I'm the technical support, I'm... oh, my God. I'm the tin dog.
Rose: How many of us have there been, travelling with you?
Rose: Only an idiot hangs the union flag up upside down. Shame on you!
Rose: (sing-song voice) You'll have to get a mortgage!
The Doctor: If you get back in touch, if you talk to Rose... just tell her... tell her I... Oh, she knows. (He falls.)
The Doctor: I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi gods and would-be gods; out of all that - out of that whole pantheon - if I believe in one thing, just one thing... I believe in her!!
Toby/The Beast: I shall never die! The thought of me is forever! In the bleeding hearts of men - in their vanity and obsession and lust - (Rose picks up the bolt gun) Nothing shall ever destroy me. Nothing!
The Doctor: There's a lot of things you need to get across this universe. (indicates) Warp drive... wormhole refractors... (Rose holds her hand out.) You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold. (He notices Rose's outstretched hand and takes it, grinning.)
Rose: Who's gonna hold his hand now?
The Doctor: But here she is: Rose Tyler. (The Doctor looks Jackie up and down.) Hmm. She's not the best I've ever had. Bit too blonde. Not too steady on her pins. A lot of that. (He mimes chatting. Jackie glares at him. Yvonne laughs.) And just last week, she stared into the heart of the Time Vortex and aged fifty-seven years. But she'll do.
Rose: If these are gonna be my last words, then you're gonna listen. I met the Emperor, and I took the Time Vortex and poured it into his head and turned him into dust. Do you get that? The God of all Daleks, and I destroyed him. Ha!
Rose: I made my choice a long time ago and I'm never gonna leave you.
The Doctor: I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye.
Rose: I lo-- (Pause. She takes a breath.) I love you.
The Doctor: Well, sometimes I have guests. I mean some friends, travelling alongside. I had - there was recently a friend of mine. Rose, her name was, Rose. And... we were together. Anyway.
Tim Latimer: He's like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night and the storm in the heart of the sun. He's ancient and forever. He burns at the centre of time and can see the turn of the universe... and... he's wonderful.
Son of Mine: He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing - the fury of the Time Lord - and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden. He was being kind. He wrapped my father in unbreakable chains forged in the heart of a dwarf star. He tricked my mother into the event horizon of a collapsing galaxy to be imprisoned there, forever. He still visits my sister, once a year, every year. I wonder if one day he might forgive her, but there she is. Can you see? He trapped her inside a mirror. Every mirror. If ever you look at your reflection and see something move behind you just for a second, that's her. That's always her. As for me, I was suspended in time and the Doctor put me to work standing over the fields of England, as their protector. We wanted to live forever. So the Doctor made sure we did.
The Doctor: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect... but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.
The Doctor: I tracked you down with this. This is my timey-wimey detector. Goes ding when there's stuff. Also it can boil an egg at thirty paces. Whether you want it to or not, actually, so I've learned to stay away from hens. It's not pretty when they blow.
The Master: And so it came to pass…that the human race fell and the Earth was no more. And I looked down upon my new dominion as master of all and I thought it… good.
The Doctor: Oh, no, of course. You mostly went hands-free didn't you? Like, "Hey, I'm The Doctor. I can save the universe using a kettle and some string! And look at me, I'm wearing a vegetable!"
Donna: You want to mate?!
Donna: You fought her off with a water pistol? I bloody love you!
Donna: Blimey, a real proper rocket! (to the Doctor) You've a got box, he's got a farrari!
The Doctor: (to Jenny ) You're an echo, that's all; a Time Lord is so much more. A sum of knowledge; a code; a shared history... a shared suffering. Only it's gone now. All of it. Gone forever...
The Doctor: (struggling) Salt! I need something salty!
Donna: (carefully) The thing is, Doctor... no matter what's happening - and I'm sure it's bad, I get that. But... Rose is coming back. Isn't that good? (The Doctor does not react for a moment. Then he looks up, eyes shining.)
Donna: Why don't you ask her yourself?
The Doctor: What do you think?
Rose: When I stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me? Go on, say it.
The Doctor: I just want you to know, there are worlds out there, safe in the sky because of her. There are people living in the light, and singing songs of Donna Noble; a thousand, million light years away. They will never forget her, while she can never remember. (visibly upset) But for one moment... one shining moment... she was the most important woman in the whole wide universe.
Wilfred: I'll watch out for you, sir.
You know what Mommy
You went to the doctor today.
I can hear that doctor again.
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried post this in your profile
What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:
When she walks away from you mad, follow her
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this ice ice _ --ummm still not cool, even then.
You remember watching:
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You said "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
when everything was settled by:
when cops and robbers was a daily activity.
when we played Hide and go seek until our legs grew numb.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching:
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching:
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs" :)
one word. . . Furbies.
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Before the pants were wore down at your knees...
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkman.
You had slap bracelets!
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
The last line makes me sad...
If you have any of these same traits just paste it onto your profile.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews.
If you ever read past two in the morning.
If you are team Jacob.
If you have your own little world.
If you can appreciate Edward Cullen, please leave the vicinity.
Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over
50 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME UNTIL YOU READ THIS:
1, What color is your toothbrush?
2, Name one person who made you smile today:
Robin hood bbc reruns classic
3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning:
On the bus to school sighs
4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
On my computer reading fanfic
6, Have you ever been to a strip club?
I'm a 13 year old girl course not
7, What is the last thing you said aloud?
8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
9, What was the last thing you had to drink?
10, Do you like your wallet?
...It's purple of course
11, What was the last thing you ate?
choc chip ceral
12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
13, The last sporting event you watched?
ummmm netball? maybe
14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
15, Who is the last person you sent a text message too?
My bestie Lucy
16, Ever go camping?
Used to, but then i grew up and didn't want to share a tent with my step;dad who snores louder than a volcanic explosion
17, Do you take vitamins daily?
18, Do you go to church every Sunday?
Some times not usually im priest is evil to meeeeeeee
19, Do you have a tan?
No, I'm pale as fuck
20,Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
OMG! I DON'T KNOW... DON'T MAKE ME CHOSE!
21, Do you drink your soda with a straw?
no, i pour my soda in a glass
22, What did your last text message say?
23, What are you doing tomorrow?
ummm homework (hell)
Steven Moffat classified Rose Tyler as the Doctor's "needy girlfriend," and that he had to hand it to the Doc for ditching her and 'palming her off on a copy of himself.' If this statements makes you very, very angry, join the club! (and copy this into your profile!)
If you are feeling very not-nice things towards River-Song because of the above statement and the fact Moffatt will be in charge of Season Five and on, copy this into your profile.
Aaand, if you want to join the rebellion of fanfictioners that are going on a mission to threaten Moffatt out of writing River-Song/Doctor romance... oh c'mon, people, you already know what to do.
Russell T Davies is evil and a genius. Mainly because he's brilliant and tries to hide it behind cruelty and coldness (towards, mainly, the poor Doctor and Rose). If you agree that Davies is an evil genius but has good intentions, copy this into your profile.
And for the record Mr. Hot Shot Russell T. Davies director producer man
Strike 1: You sent Rose Tyler to a parallel universe
Strike 2: You killed Owen once
Strike 3: You killed Owen again and you murdered Toshiko
...You are just one cruel, twisted yet somehow brilliant for making the show what is, but nonetheless sick man aren't you?
If you agree, put this on your profile.
If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.
If you constantly update your profile, put this in your profile.
Whovian and PROUD OF IT!!
If you're one of the smart beings who knew that Rose would return someday, put this on your profile.
If you are obsessed with FanFiction, put this into your profile.
If you are a complete spelling/grammar/punctuation freak, put this in your profile.
If you've actually stopped reading a story because of the terrible state of the grammar, add this to your profile.
If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like, two reviews, add this to your profile.
Draco Malfoy 85%Lord Voldemort 75%Ginny Weasley 70%Ron Weasley 65%Severus Snape 65%Harry Potter 65%Remus Lupin 65%Albus Dumbledore 55%Sirius Black 50%Hermione Granger 35%
A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."
Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it? Repost this if you truly believe in God.
Favorite quotes from AVPM:
Hermione :This year I plan to study a lot.
Ron : Ginny this is Harry ...Harry Potter
Dumbledore : My name is Albus Dumbledore. You may call me... Dumbledore. I suppose you can also call be Albus, if you want a detention! Nah, I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus
Cedric : Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders!
Dumbledore : 10 points to Dumbledore !
Dumbledore : Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met.
Malfoy: Rumbleroar is the head master at Pigfarts. He's a lion, who can talk.
Voldemort: Just relax with the 'Dark King' ok? I watch you wipe your butt daily, you can call me Voldemort, we've reached that point.
Voldemort: I believe everything has its place, Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their and so do your dirty clothes! Namely a dresser!
Voldemort : Quirrell, man , listen ! I may just be a parasite on the back of your head, literally devouring your soul every time you take a breath but even I can see you’re a to good guy to not have a bit of fun once and a while ,you deserve this.
Draco : You know who I think the ugliest girl in this school is? That Hermione Granger. You know what I'd give her, on a scale of one to ten? One, one being the ugliest, and ten, pretty? I would give her... an eight. Eight-point-five or a nine. But not, NOT about a nine-point-eight. There is always room for improvement. Not everyone can be perfect, like me. That's why I'm holding out for a ten. Because I'm worth it.
Ginny- *screams while handing Yule wreath to Harry*
Ron : The only two girls I know that don’t have dates are Ginny and Hermione. And I’m not going with my stupid sister.
Goyle : Oh, Goyle Rules !
Hermione : I used to think looks weren't important, and now I think they are more important than anything
Harry: I was wondering if you has heard of something, uh, Voldemort is back, Cedric is dead, Professor Quirrell was crazy, and I have to save the world! did you hear that Hermione?!
Ginny :Uh Harry, we kiss at the Yule ball and I thought we’re gonna be together forever ,and we’re not.
Voldemort : Now two people are mad at me.
Harry : Harry Potter loves Zac Efron more than anyone in the world.
Malfoy: I want Hermione Granger! And a rocket ship.
Harry: I love all of you guys, except you, Draco, I can't fucking stand you.
Dumbledore : Harry is time you should know all the things you should know seven years ago that really would had help you along the way
Harry: So you're like a clairvoyant, you can see the past, present and future all at the same time?
Malfoy: Do we have to fight? I'm tired. Can't we just be death eaters?
Dumbledore’s Will : In the event of my death, Gryffindor wins the house cup, Hogwarts goes to Harry Potter, my chocolate factory to Charlie and The Toom Town to The Toons
Harry: All the professors are dead ,so butter beer is on me !
Favorite quotes from AVPS:
Snape: Where did the poster of Headmaster Zefron go?
Ron: Red Vines...What the hell can't they do?
Lupin: Oh shit! You guys are kids! I've got to watch my damn mouth around you little bastards! I'm sorry. Shoot!. I've got to watch my damn mouth around you little bastards.
Lucius: Why else do you think you have such a little d? IT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE A FuCKING ELF!
Harry: *under invisibility cloak* But Sirius I don't think I'm in any kind of grave danger...
Lupin: There's no way we're losing to Slytherin, Ravenclaw or Jigglypuff.
Umbridge: Did you get mah text?
Lucius: You'll pay for this!
Snape: Why that's absurd!
Draco: But as consequence... My father...
Malfoy: But my father has captured Harry Potter, and I had to seek help. I'm going to come at him with every second year spell I know. We're talking... Squishy-Tushy charms... Tickling hexes, and maybe... If I'm feeling especially cruel... a Bubble Head charm...
Lupin: My transformation... It's beginning! SPEED...OF A WOLF!
Seamus: So, you guys evuh hear the one ‘bout Serious Black and Flitwick’s littuh brotha? So, Flitwick’s littuh brotha’s walkin’ down the streets of Londuhn… And Serious Black, ‘e’s in this STORM DRAIN… Dressed as a CLOWN. An’ ‘e’s like, “Yo! Hey! Flitwick’s littul brothuh! Down ‘ere in this storm drain! It’s me! A clown!” And Flitwick’s littuh brotha’s like, “Yeah chap? Wutchoo want?” And Serious Black’s like, “Oh, Flitwick’s littul bruhva, you gotta get down this storm drain with me, ‘cause you’re. Missin’. Out! We’ve got a CARNIVUHL down ‘ere! We’ve got LOADS of cottuhn candy, and balloons!” And the kid practically flips, ‘e goes, “I gotta get down there… That sounds like a RIGHT TREAT THAT DOES!” So! ‘E reaches down his arm, right? But Serious Black… He grows ‘is mad teeth and ‘e BIOTES THE KIDS ‘EAD OFF! And two days latuh…That kid died.
Seamus: I heard one time, a dementor kissed her...And. IT. DIED.
Snape: SIRIUS BLAAACK! SSIIIRIUUUSSS BLAAAACK! SIRIUUSSSS BLA- ohp! Checkmate! SIRIUS BLACK!
Lupin: How much no proof is there now? Ah-ah! *throws down corpse* What you're looking at is the corpse of Peter Petigrew. The man thought to be killed by Sirius years ago! Can I get a time of death on this please?
Malfoy: I… am a racist.*Dean Thomas stands up, offended* I despise gingers, and mudbloods, I hate gryffindor house, and my parents work for the man who killed your parents, do you want to be my friend?
"Any happy little thought?" The students chorus together.
Remus: Ah shit.
Cho: To bad you were joking Professor. Because I could have been your greatest adventure.
Malfoy: You know, using the potty is a GREAT time to socialize! You just look over to the stall next to you, and you just have a right chat with your neighbor! 'Oh! Hello there! First time using the potty too, eh? Pfffft. Good luck, my man.
Draco: Hey, Potter. Potter. Potter.´
Umbridge: "So tell me sorting hat, are you team edward or team jacob?"
Harry: “I got this scar when I was a baby. I was in the car with my parents when we crashed… into a crocodile. My parents got eaten, but then the crocodile took out a knife and gave me this scar. “
Lucius: “She choreographed an affair behind my back with someone I trusted, someone I may have even loved….”
Draco: “Daddy! Daddy! You came to love me!!”
Everyone: Hermione can't draw. Hermione can't draw. Hermione cannot draw. She only reads books so she cannot draw, even if she's reading a how-to-draw book
Ron: "HERMY-ONE'S A BUTT"
Dumbledore: Don't you GET it, you crazy bitch? I'm GAY!
Draco: And he'll say, Draco, you god damn little poofer!
Ron: Favorite Amy Mann song on three. 1,2,3-
Harry/Ron: Red Vines.
Harry: In a cupboard under some stairs.
Ron: that's so cool!
Snape: "I wanted to take your mom's boobies and put them on my face, and go: BLGHBLRRGHBLRBGHLRGHBL!!!"
Umbridge: I don't approve of your hands on approach, Lupin
Everyone: "Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love, and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts!!"
If your friends don't really like DANNY PHANTOM, but you don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If mythical creatures exist (dragons, unicorns, phoenixes, hippogriffs, etc.), copy this onto your profile!
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.
My WIZARD can beat up your VAMPIRE!!!
Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
Never knock on Death's door... ring the bell and run away... he hates that.
Best friends. We're the ones who Practically live at each other's houses, Stay up all night talking about absolutly nothing, Dance until were out of breath, Laugh at the stupidest things, and still find a reason to love each other, even though we're complete idiots.
2+2=6, I rock at math!
You call me crazy, I've been called worse by the voices in my head.
Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
I live in my own little world. But it's ok, they know me there.
My name is Apollo
I use to fly
higher and higher up in the sky.
But now I'm a prisoner to my grandfather
for he killed off my mother and father.
Now I sit in a bronze cell
listening to torture too bad to tell.
My twin sister sits next to me and cries
wondering why all of those people had to die.
And all because we could not stand
with our children hand and hand.
My name is Apollo
and now I must go
But thank lord Kronos
for all the torture you know.
And hope the world will never knows this
but for now enjoy your young bliss
and remember through all of this.
Love all you know and don't think of this.
My name is Apollo master of the sky
and please my children don't ask why
I predicted this would happen and I will explain.
But this is a warning you must remain
alert but calm
and tell me when something is wrong.
But until that dark dark day
feel free to run around and play.
An AMAZING poem by KG of Shorty and KG Inc.
…In Remembrance to Severus Snape….
….A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor…
...without all the red and gold crap.
…In Remembrance to Fred Weasley…
…Who fought bravely to the very end….
…And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half…
…And will loyally await his soul mate and brother…
… with many jokes…
...he's got forever to think of them, right?
…In Remembrance to Dobby…
…Who was more free and full of love…
...than any elf, and most humans.
….In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin….
...the last real Marauderer...
…who was not just a wonderful father…
….a incredible husband and brave hero…
...as well as a freakin' awesome werewolf.
….In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks…
…who died for ‘the greater good’…
...and would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora.
…In Remembrance of Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody….
…who’s motto ‘constant vigilance’ kept him alive…
...and scared the crap out of some kids too.
…In Remembrance of Tom Marvelo Riddle a.k.a. Voldemort….
…who was pretty cool, and cute when he was younger…
…but who got his ass thoroughly kicked in the end
…In Remembrance of Albus Dumbledore…
…whose past and wisdom confused us…
…whose seeming betrayal shocked us…
…but actually who turned out to be an okay guy in the end...
...despite the whole 'almost killing Harry' thing.
In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange…
… because it’s was awesome how Molly slapped her with that Avada Kedavra!
She deserved everything she got and more.
…In Remembrance of Colin Creevey…
…who we really didn’t know too well…
…but took a lot of pictures and died fighting in a war…
…so he must’ve done something good…
…besides stalking Harry.
…In Remembrance of Hedwig…
...Harry actual first friend…
...who lived and died soaring.
the thing you just read is propriety of xINFRAxREDx but I agree with it all
When life hands you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads
Your shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark
People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.
Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side
Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk. They spend the second half telling us to sit down and shut up.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.
Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over...
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
Sometimes I wonder "why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
Name: Georgia Louise Hannon (though i wish i was a weasly)
Age: 14 on may 5th 2011
Weight: 80 pounds?
Eye color: blue-green
Hair color: a billion shades of dark brown
Hair length: just below th shoulders
Hair type (Curly, wavy, etc...): straight
Usual outfit: dark blue jeggings, blue green checkered top (tied at chest), brown riding boots, emerald locket with pictures of me and Draco, hot pink Darren Criss-like sunglasses
Song: Starkid, Wrock (parselmouths especially), Glee or Wicked:)
Book: Team Potter, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Wicked,
MovieHP, PJO, Mean Girls and chronicles of narnia
Websites: a LOT
TV show: Full house, make it or break it, and GLEE!!! (best TV show EVER!!!)
Musical: AVPM/AVPS and Wicked!
Quotes: I have a lot
Sports: quidditch, swimming, horseback riding, gymnastics, cheerleading
other: Gryffidor Courage:), my friends (not so much now), reading, writing, drawing, listening to music, watching the three shows I listed as favorites, playing on the computer
Song: There are a few... anything JB, or Rebecca Black *shudders*
other: my friends (for now), James (my brother), Voldemort, Death Eaters, hypocrites, people who care too much about blood status...
The Percy Jackson pleadge:
I promise to remember:
I promise to remember Percy
RIP Bianca Di Angelo. You were the best sister anyone could have. Nico lives well and we will remember you when we see a girl raise her younger sibling.
RIP Zoë Nightshade. You deserve to be remembered. We promise to remember you whenever someone is punished for fallowing their hearts.
RIP all of you who died after Kronos' raid of camp. We will remember you all when one dies for the safety of their homes
RIP Charlie Beckendorf, you helped save the world. We will remember you when someone is amazing with metal.
RIP Selina Beauregard. You are with Charlie and a true hero. We will remember you when we see true beauty.
RIP Lenus, you are a true hero. We will remember you when we see laurels.
RIP, Ethan Nakamura. You were a hero. We will think of you when we think of true balance.
RIP, Luke Castellan. You are loved by all. Whenever we see someone make a bad choice we will remember you.
Others to remember:
Calypso, we will remember you when someone is punished for their families crimes.
All unclaimed demigods. We will remember you all when people are abandoned by their parents.
Minor gods and goddesses. We will never forget you when we think of the gods.
Yes we promise PJO has changed our views on life
The Harry Potter Pledge
I promise to remember
I promise to remember Harry
When someone grows up with no love
I promise to remember Ron
When someone is jealous
I promise to remember Hermione
When I meet someone with wisdom beyond their years
I promise to remember James and Lily
when someone dies before their time
I promise to remember Dumbledore
At the thought of the greater good
I promise to "Solemely Swear That I Am Up To No Good"
for Gred, Forge, and Padfoot of course
I promise to remember Moony
And fight for human rights
I promise to remember Snape
When My heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Narcissa
When I'd do anything for family
I promise to remember Dora Tonks
When someone is hyper
I promise to remember Hedwig,
who lived and died soaring
I promise to remember Percy
When ambition gets the best of me
I promise to be careful, and remember CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
For Moody's sake, of course
I promise to remember Hagrid
When one is wrongly blamed
I promise to remember Neville
when I stand up for what is right
I promise to remember the Marauders
When a friend says "Call me and I'll be there."
Yes I promise that I will
remember Harry Potter
Wherever I may go
RIP Lily and James Potter who died long before their time. We will remember you when anyone dies before they should
RIP Cedric Diggory who died just for being there. We will remember you when someone is fiercely loyal.
RIP Sirius Black who died protecting his family. We will remember you, as a prankster and someone wrongly accused.
RIP Albus Dumbledore, who died for the greater good. We will remember you when someone fallows the Greater Good.
RIP Hedwig, you lived and died soaring. We will remember you in cases of true friends.
RIP Alastor 'Mad-eye' Moody. Your motto "CONSTANT VIGILLENCE!" Lives on and scares the cr*p out of kids too. We will remember you when someone is truly brave and a good mentor.
RIP Peter Pettigrew who made a wrong choice. You will be remembered for exactly that.
RIP Dobby, a free elf. You will be remembered for disobeying your family for your heart.
RIP all of you who died during the battle of Hogwarts. We will remember you all when one dies for the safety of their homes
RIP Fred (Gred or Forge) Weasley. You died, your last laugh still etched upon your face. We will remember you for your laughter. "I solemly swear that I am up to no good."
RIP Remus Lupin, who dealt with unfair treatment. We will fight for human rights for you.
RIP Nymphadora 'dora' Tonks, who died for her heart. We will remember you for your bubbly personality.
RIP Colin Creevy. You are rarely remembered. You broke the rules to do what was right. We promise to remember you for exactly that. And for your picture taking habbit
RIP Severus Snape, a true hero. We will remember you for being loyal.
Others to remember
Alice and Frank Longbottom, you deserved a better life.
"Holey" George Weasley, you lost your other half.
Teddy Remus Lupin and Harry James Potter, you lost your parents before you could remember them. They died so you could live a better life.
Thank you Harry Potter, you changed our view on life
Ipod shuffle quiz: If my life were a movie
Opening Credits: Metamorphasis by Hilary Duff
Waking Up: Black horse and the cherry tree, KT Tunstall
First Day At School: Unwritten, Natasha Bedingfield
Falling In Love: I won't say I'm in love, Hercules
Fight Song: Mickey Mouse Club, Disney (WHAT? I love Disney!)
Breaking Up: I won't say I'm in love, Disney Hercules (AGAIN???)
Prom night: I'm Yours, Jason Mraz
Life: How to save a life, The Fray
Mental Breakdown: I won't say I'm in Love, Disney Hercules (AGAIN???)
Driving: Rock this world
Flashback: Fifteen, Taylor Swift
Getting back together: Poker Face, Lady Gaga
Wedding: Why not (Remix), Hilary Duff
Birth of Child: Crazy, Gnarls Barkley
Final Battle: Innocence, Avril Levigne
Funeral Song: My life would suck without you, Kelly Clarkson
Go The distance
"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
If you want things to be different, perhaps the answer is to become different yourself.
The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives and the dreams shall never die.
Some men see things as they are and say, "Why?" I dream of things that never were and say, "Why not?"
Dreams are the touchstones of our character.
The most pitiful among men is he who turns his dreams into silver and gold.
Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies.
People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right.
You don’t forget the face of the person who was your last hope.
Don’t say goodbye because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting. - peter pan
If you live to be 100 I hope I live 100 minus one day so I never have to be here without you. - Whinnie the Pooh
I am who I am. Your approval isn’t needed.
Whoever said anything is possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain, cherish the memories, ignore the pain, love and learn, forget and forgive because you only have one life to live.
You know something sad I know more about Harry Potter than American History.
"In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day."- Percy Jackson
"Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can." Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?" Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?" "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries." Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."...I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand." "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said. "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."
"If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself."
"She glanced at the minotaur horn in my hands, then back at me. I imagined she was going to say, You killed a minotaur! or Wow, you're so awesome! or something like that.
"I am never, ever, going to make things easy for you, Seaweed Brain. Get used to it."
“You idiot” Annabeth said, which was how I knew she was overjoyed to see me conscious.
“It’s stopped raining.” “It’s been known to do that”
“That looks like the crucible.” “That is the crucible.”
"wheat, oat and alfafa."
Fang: "Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What have you been eating, rocks?"
Be yourself & I promise people will enjoy it; & if they don’t forget them.
Giving up doesn’t always mean your weak sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
Out side of a dog a book is a mans best friend. Inside a dog it’s to dark to read
I wasn’t sure where the Latin came from but I think I meant “eat my pants”- Percy Jackson
We do not use the “C” word to describe the lord of the sky.
“You have evil thoughts for a goat” “why thank you”
“Your nuts Grover” “yeah, nuts and berries”
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving”
Be who you want to be not what others want you to see.
The truth will always set you free but it won’t always make you happy
If one can not enjoy reading a book over and over again then there is no use reading it at all.
“Your back”, she had shouted, “and your short again.”
Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them
It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities
Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.
If you want to see the true measure of a man, watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.
A perfect life is one with flaws as is a perfect person
The thirst for knowledge is dangerous when taken to far
Fear of the name only increases fear for the thing its self.
Let us dare to be ourselves for we do that better than anyone else
The greatest revenge is to accomplish what others say you can not do
The past was. Tomorrow maybe. Only today is.
In life, as in baseball sometimes getting on base is as important as hitting a home run.
Sometimes the most forceful statement you can make is to remain silent.
You can’t change that which you don’t accept
The great black dog looked up at Dumbledore, then, in an instant, turned back into a man. Mrs. Weasley screamed and leapt back from the bed. “Sirius Black!” she shrieked, pointing at him.“Mum, shut up!” Ron yelled. “It’s okay!” Snape had not yelled or jumped backward, but the look on his face was one of mingled fury and horror.
Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.
You say Twilight
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.
It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Cheese. milk's leap toward immortality.
Lifes Tough, get a helmet.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers?
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies or TV shows. If you agree, copy and paste. (or both... Kurt and Blaine from Glee...)
If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Ga Nat Nat, Evil Older Sister, Frozenfan, Emerald Bear, Kyprioths Shadow, Ebony Rayne, lillypop, An-Jelly-Ca, Emerald Enchantress.snickerdoodlepurplebunnies, JJ-000-JJ, cto10121, Marlicat, Call me Mad ~Elf~, Artemis GOH, Vampire luverxoxo
Try not to cry:
Mummy... Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told all his friends it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack,
Mummy, i was a good girl, i did what i was told,
I went to school, i got striaght A's, i even got the gold!
When i went to school that day,
I never said goodbye.
I'm sorry i had to go, but Mummy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another.
All because, Johnny got the gun from his brother.
Mummy please tell daddy; that i love him very much.
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; that it wasn't just a crush.
and tell my little sister; that she's the only one now.
And tell my dear, sweet grandma, that i'll be waiting for her now,
And tell my wonderful friends; they're always the best,
Mummy, I'm not the first, i'm no better than the rest.
Mummy, tell my teachers i won't show up for class,
And never to forget this; and please dont let this pass,
Mummy, why'd it have to be me? No one through, deserves this.
But Mummy, it's not fair; i left without a kiss.
But Mummy, it's not fair; i left without goodbye.
I think i even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mummy, im slowly dying with a bullet in my chest,
But Mummy, please remember i'm in heaven with the rest,
When i heard that great, big crack i ran as fast as i could.
Mummy, listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, i wanted to tried things that were new.
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, on that trip to the new zoo.
i wanted to get married, i wanted to get a kid.
I wanted to be an actress, i really wanted to live.
But Mummy, i must go now. The time is getting late,
Mummy, tell my Zack i'm sorry to cancel the date.
I love you Mummy, i always have, i know you know it's true.
And Mummy, and i need to say is; "Mummy, i love you."
In memory of the Columbine & Virginia Tech,
Students Who Were Lost,
If you pass this on,
Maybe people will cry,
Just keep this in your heart,
For the people who didnt get to say "goodbye."
Now you have 2 choices,
a) go and copy and paste this to show that you care, or,
b) Ignore it and prove that you are heartless.
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded
whole thing on Vampire Diaries (TV) Quotes!
Damon: I'm Damon, Stefan's brother.
Damon: Great gal. She's got spunk. You, on the other hand, look pooped
Caroline: Cocky much?
Stefan: It's time for you to go.
Damon on Stefan's journal: Very Emerson, the way you reveal your soul. So many... adjectives
Damon: It's cool not growing old. I like being the eternal stud.
Damon: You really need some human blood. It might even the playing field... football reference! Too soon?
Damon: What's so special about this Bella girl? Edward's so whipped!
Caroline: They look so cute together.
Zach: You don't visit, Damon... You appear. Periodically. Reminding me that this isn't my house, that you're only allowing me to live here ... allowing me to live.
Damon [to Vicki: You just don't wanna die, do you?
Damon: I'm getting really bored and impatient; and I don't do bored and impatient.
Damon: Is it skunk? Saint Bernard? Bambi?
Elena: If you wanted me dead, I'd be dead.
Vicki: Why do I need to pee? I thought I was dead.
Vicki: You did this to me out of boredom?
Damon: Come on Vicki. Live a little. No pun intended.
Elena: You did this. This is your fault.
Damon: Why are you so mean to me?
Damon: Does it get tiring, being so righteous?
Lexi: The famous Elena?
Damon on coffee: It does dead flesh good
Damon: I'll adopt the Stefan diet, only nothing with feathers.
Damon: I could rip your heart out and not think twice about it.
Damon: We're a team. We could travel the world together. We could try out for The Amazing Race!
Stefan: How are we supposed to find this person?
Damon: You have to be invited in.
Logan: I'm inflicted.
Damon: I was ambushed.I was shot.Now, I'm vengeful.
Damon: I don't side with anyone. You piss me off. I want you dead
Elena: This is kidnapping.
Elena: I saved your life.
Damon: You're not the worst company in the world, Elena.
Damon: You okay?
Damon: It's not like we all hang out together at the vamp bar and grill
Stefan: I'm talking about Atlanta.
Alaric: First person account of the Civil War? That's like porn for a history teacher.
Bonnie: You tried to kill me.
Stefan: He posed as a pizza delivery boy last night.
Damon: If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
Damon: I really like this whole menage a team thing. It has a bit of a kink to it
Damon: Is she hot?
Damon: The only one I can count on is... me.
Damon to Anna: Damn, you're strong for a little thing
Damon: I mean this sincerely: I hope Elena dies.
Stefan: Anna took Elena.
Damon: I didn't compel you in Atlanta because we were having fun. I wanted it to be real. I'm trusting you. Don't make me regret it.
Elena: Damon gets what he wants, no matter who he hurts in the process.
Elena: What do they want with him?
Damon: Am I leaving anything out?
Damon: I get it. He's the reason you live. His love lifts you up where you belong
Alaric: She's human.
Damon: If I had a good side, not a way to get on it.
Damon to Alaric: Guess what? Everyone hates me. But you can't deny: we were bad ass!
Damon: I haven't hunted a human in... God, way too long.
Damon: Turn it up a little bit. It's not annoying yet
Elena: How long until he's back to normal.
Stefan: I really liked you better when you hated everybody.
Damon: Have I entered an alternate universe where Stefan is fun?
Damon: We have a problem, Stefan. And when I say problem, I mean global crisis
Stefan: I'm clean.
Damon: You're playing house with half a tomb of really pissed off vampire. What did you think was gonna happen?
Damon: You seem awfully chipper lately. Less doom and gloom. More pep in your step
Damon: Why don't you just walk up to Sheriff Forbes? Ask her to tap a vein?
Damon: Well, well, he's a liar and a thief.
Damon: You spent the last century and a half being the poster child for Prozac. Now you want me to believe this new you has nothing to do with human blood.
Damon: John, I do whatever I can do to help make this town safe. Even if it means spending time with you.
Pageant contestant: Just because my DUI made my community service mandatory doesn't mean I was any less committed
Damon: I'll sever your hand, pull your ring off and kill you. Do you understand that?
Damon: Nostalgia is a bitch.
Damon: Today has been a no-good, very-bad day
Damon: I couldn't have him running around chewing on people with the town running around looking for vampires, could I?
Damon: Stefan likes puppy blood... little Golden Retriever blood with floppy ears. That's his favorite.
Damon: How'd you get this number?
Alaric: Can we not kill anyone tonight, please?
Damon: Let's not kill anyone tonight. Your words. Just pointing that out.
Damon: What did you think you were gonna find? Isobel with a cigar and slippers?
Damon: You brood too much... My actions, they belong to me. I own them.
John: What do you think your mother would say if she knew you were dating a vampire?
Damon: You successfully cured him of anything interesting about his personality.
Alaric: She threatened to go on a killing spree.
Damon: Stefan is different. He wants to be human. He wants to feel every episode of How I Met Your Mother
Damon: I do believe in killing the messenger. Know why? It sends a message.
Damon: I like being a living dead person.
Stefan: What proof do you have?
Elena : I think you should stop with the flirty little comments and the eye thing you do.
Jeremy: Let go of me before I cause a scene.
Damon: It's Founder's Day. I'm here to eat cotton candy and steal your girl
Damon: You have no sense of humor.
Damon: Life sucks either way, Jeremy. At least if you're a vampire, you don't have to feel bad about it if you don't want to
Damon: I'm not a hero, Elena. I don't do good. It's not in me.
Damon: Somewhere along the way, you decided I was worth saving. I wanted to thank you for that.
quotes I HATE, :(
Trees can die. No one will care." loggers. umm i care
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place.
Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Don't hate yourself in the morning- sleep till noon.
Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.
Don’t mess with me; I've got a stick.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
If you don't like me, thats okay. Newsflash honey, I don't live to please you.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the heck you did.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with!
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
Toes arent needed for balance. They are just a helpful tool for finding items in the dark. Painfully
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling toward Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in your fruit salad.
"Evil beware, we have waffles." ~Raven, Teen Titans
"The saviors are always hit the hardest." ~Moi
"Well that's a whole lot of useless." ~Devin Levin
Kid Flash: "You here to help us or fry us?" Superboy: "Huh. I don't seem to have heat vision, so I guess helping is my only option."
Kevin: "I think we should get back in the car." Ben: "And run away?" Kevin: "And run it over."
If like is the opposite of dislike, is aster the opposite of disaster?" ~Robin
"Let's kill these bitches." ~Dane Cook
"Lasers! He has lasers!" ~Nightwing
"Please don't send me to Hell. I'm too cute to go to Hell." ~Kasta Evanson
McGee: "Anyone else see what happened right there with Abby?" Tony: "Yeah, she stole my dollar."
River Song: Do you have a problem with archaeologists?
The Doctor: I'm a time traveller. I point and laugh at archaeologists.
The old lady's eyes narrowed. She glanced at the Doctor. "Who's she? Your floozy?"
The Doctor looked at Martha, his face adopting an expression of wide-eyed innocence. In an equally innocent voice he asked, "Are you my floozy, Martha?"
"I'm nobody's floozy," Martha said, bridling.
"She says she's nobody's floozy," the Doctor said.
--from the Doctor Who novel, Forever Autumn.
Rachel: I think you and I are more similar than you think. Kurt: That's a terrible thing to say. Glee
Kurt: You, like everyone else at this school, are too quick to let homophobia slide. And your lessons plans are boring. Glee
Finn: Are you sure we should free 300 live doves indoors? Won't that get messy? Kurt: That's why we feed them glitter. Glee
Arthur: I warn you, I've been trained to kill since birth. Merlin: Wow. And how long have you been training to be a prat? Arthur: You can't address me like that. Merlin: Sorry. How long have you been training to be a prat... my lord? Merlin
John: What are you doing?
Sherlock: Nicotine patch. Helps me think. It's impossible to sustain a smoking habit in London these days.
John: That's good news for breathing.
Sherlock: Ah, breathing. Breathing's boring.
Neal: Whatever I did I have proof I didn't do it.
Agent Smith: We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that we're asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice. Neo: Yeah. Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about, I give you the finger [He does] and you give me my phone call. The Matrix
"Is this really how you go through life? Nearly knocking people over and not even noticing them? "Well, maybe the driver saw green and thought it meant 'go'." ~Elphaba and Fiyero, "Wicked" (musical)
-"I'm the other daughter, Elphaba. I'm beautifully tragic." ~Elphaba to Madam Morrible, "Wicked" (musical)
-"I'm sorry, did I scare you? I seem to have that effect on people." ~Elphaba to Nessarose, "Wicked" (musical)
-"I don't cause commotions. I am one." ~Elphaba to Fiyero, "Wicked" (musical)
-"Well, what could he have gotten me? I clash with everything." ~Elphaba to Nessarose, "Wicked" (musical)
-"Well, we can't all come and go by bubble!" ~Elphaba to Glinda, "Wicked" (musical)
-"Elphaba, where I'm from, we believe all sorts of things that aren't true. We call it... history." ~The Wizard to Elphaba, "Wicked" (musical)
-"I don't understand why you can't just teach us history, instead of always harping on the past." ~Galinda to Dr. Dillamond, "Wicked" (musical)
-"Don't wish / Don't start / Wishing only wounds the heart..." ~Elphaba, "I'm Not That Girl"
-"So if you care to find me / Look to the Western sky! / As someone told me lately: / Everyone deserves the chance to fly!" ~Elphaba, "Defying Gravity"
-"Just for this moment, as long as you're mine / Come be how you want to, and see how bright we shine! / Borrow the moonlight until it is through / And know I'll be here holding you... as long as you're mine!" ~Elphaba and Fiyero, "As Long As You're Mine"
Where's the toilet?" "Right where I left it." "That's a toilet?!" "What, never seen a squat toilet before?" -- Vassar and Hanks in Carpe Diem
"Patience, grasshopper. Good things come to those who wait." "I always thought it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave'. No wonder I've been so confused all my life." -- Maia and Simon in The Mortal Instruments; City of Glass
"This is Berk. It snows nine months out of the year and hails the other three. The food that grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so." -- Hiccup inHow To Train Your Dragon
"Does anysing on you vork properly?" "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony." -- Ter Borcht and Iggy in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
"Do we have a plan B? Or C? Or even Z?" -- Iggy in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
"This is my brain: O This is my brain after making out with Fang: • It's very sad." -- Max in MAX
"If by 'superior' you mean completely inadequate in every way, then, yes, Omega is far superior." -- Max in Saving The World And Other Extreme Sports
"I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -- Iggy in The Angel Experiment
"You could have gotten us killed!! Or WORSE ... expelled!!" -- Hermione Granger in Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone
"Eventually, they will come up with a plan. Everyone will feel that they have been treated unfairly, but they will be happy that their neighbors feel the same. And that is the nature of a compromise. Now let’s go eat an awful lot." – Ripred in Gregor and the Code of Claw
"The shortest distance between two points is always under construction." -- Anonymous
"There is always someone, somewhere, that's worse off than you." -- Home on the Range
"NOTICE: thank you for noticing this notice. Your noticing it has been noticed." -- Anonymous
"The clouds I can handle, but I can’t compete with an eclipse." -- Jacob Black in Eclipse
"Shut up, Jacob. I mean … shut up, most high alpha." -- Leah Clearwater in Breaking Dawn
"Pinocle is, along with gladiator fighting and Pacman, one of the greatest games ever invented by man." – Mr. D. (Dionysus) in The Lightning Thief
"Even strength has to bow to wisdom sometimes." -- Annabeth Chase in The Lightning Thief
"IF WE DIE FOR THEM I’LL KILL YOU, HARRY!!" -- Ron Weasely in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
"If you die on me I’ll never speak to you again SO THERE!!" – Dinny in Marlfox
"I held you in my hand, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful." -- Ian O'Shea in The Host
"So here's what I don't get: I want to be popular and I'm not. Fawn doesn't care about being popular and she is. Perry Keet is just in the wrong place at the wrong time and he gets 5.2 million. How is that fair?" -- Lily Watson in Trial by Journal
"PLEASE. LET US LEAVE. WE CANNOT STAY HERE. EARTH DOES NOT BELONG TO THE GORG. EARTH BELONGS TO THE CAT." -- random Gorg in The True Meaning of Smekday
"I'm trying to prove to you that I'm a decent person. Telling you I saw you naked when I was another species does not help my case." -- Sam Roth in Shiver
"Books are more real when you read them outside." -- Grace Brisbane in Shiver
"I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them." -- Isaac Asimov
"There's always someone who secretly believes in legends; or at least parts of them. Those are the people who will look beyond the obvious and see things in this world that are truly wonderful . . . But they won't say anything, even if they do. Because the rest of us who view the world as logical and scientific wouldn't see the truth if it was posted up on a billboard." -- David Lawson in Wings
"Reason and love keep little company together nowadays." -- Nick Bottom in A Midsummer Night’s Dream
"Here is all you need to know about men and women: Men are dumb and women are crazy. And the reason that women are crazy .. is that men are dumb." -- Anonymous
"We're all gonna die .. but I got a helmet." -- Anonymous
"Procrastinators unite ... tomorrow." -- Anonymous
"Everything we could have ever wished for in a Dragon Rider we have received in Eragon! He exists! He is powerful! And he has embraced our people as no other Dragon Rider ever has!" – Orik in Brisingr
"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye with them." -- Anonymous
"If at first you don't succeed, figure out what made you fail and kill it." -- Anonymous
"Amateurs built Noah's Ark. Professionals built the Titanic." -- Anonymous
"When you understand math, the world becomes so much more ... disturbing." – my friends math teacher
"Fear is your friend. When you feel it, run." -- Matt in The Rules of Survival
"Everybody is insane. When we realize that the world will be a better place." – my friend Michelle
"There's nothing better than cold hard logic when you've got a good hissy fit going." – Max in The Angel Experiment
"Honesty is good. Except, of course, when it's better to lie." – Max in The Angel Experiment
"Iggy, I need you. I love you. I need all of you, all five of you, to feel whole myself. Now get up, before I kill you." "Well, when you put it that way ..." -- Max and Iggy in School’s Out -- Forever
"I think I'm Angel. And my dog isn't stupid. You're the stupid one, to think you could fool us. I can read minds, you idiot." – Angel in School’s Out -- Forever
"You know, it sounds like you guys didn't think this all the way through. You plugged us into an equation and predicted outcomes. Well, I got news for you, nimrod. In this equation of yours, we're variables . We're going to vary . What you sick jerks don't seem to get is that I'm an actual person . She's real too. She's a person. All of us are! And I'm done jumping through your hoops. You can tell yourselves that you're doing this all to save the world, but really you're just a bunch of psycho puppet-masters who probably didn't date enough in high school." – Max in School’s Out -- Forever
"... How could you tell us apart?" "She offered to cook breakfast." -- Max and Fang in School’s Out -- Forever
"Fairness does not mean everyone gets the same, fairness means everyone gets what they need. And the only way to get what you need is to make it happen yourself." -- Julius Cane in The Red Pyramid
"When someone says I forbid it, that's a good sign it's worth doing." -- Sadie Cane in The Red Pyramid
"Would it be better to live in a world of ignorance and happiness or a world of truth and pain? Well, I would pick whatever world had McDonalds." – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
"Why can't you just lie and cheat like the others? Can't you see that's better than being nice one minute and then turning around and selling us out? It may be very Cahill, but it stinks. Grace had a saying: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I'll conk you with this pet carrier!" -- Dan Cahill in one of the 39 Clues books
"Any idiot can do the right thing. You know what's hard? Doing the right thing when you've been hardwired to do the wrong one!' -- Dan Cahill in one of the 39 Clues books
"Isn't that just like a Cahill? Why say something when you can turn it into a feng shui puzzle at theGreat Wall of China?" -- Nellie in one of the 39 Clues books
"Everybody's getting Terminator but us!" "Why would only two seats be showing something different?" "There's an international conspiracy to bore me." – Dan and Amy Cahill in one of the 39 Clues books
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." - Lily Tomlin
"'Nice job, dork!' one of the girls yells down at me. 'Way to wreck the party!' I pick myself up and find myself a little unsteady. 'Thank you,' I say. 'I am available to ruin any party for a small fee.' It occurs to me that this might be a valuable service to offer. Perhaps I will put an ad on Craigslist." – Hank in The Half-Life of Planets
"I want to be just like you when I grow up!" – my 8th-grade Web Action teacher (to me)
"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? I just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda." – Anonymous
“Sometimes, life gives you grape juice and still expects you to make lemonade.” – me
“Duct tape is like the force, it has alight side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.” -- Anonymous
“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.” -- Anonymous
“Don’t mess with me; I've got a stick.” -- Anonymous
“They say guns don't kill people, people kill people. Well I think the guns have to have something to do with it, because if you just stood there and said BANG I don't think you'd kill too many people.” -- Anonymous
“Slinky + Escalator = endless fun” -- Anonymous
“When you smile at me, I know you must be plotting something that I'm involved in.” -- Anonymous
“When it rains on my parade, I bust out the Slip'n'Slide!” -- Anonymous
“The good news: I was right. The better news: You were wrong.” -- Anonymous
“For me, Crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (I find that I am a very tough opponent).” -- Anonymous
“War is not the answer. War is a question. The answer is yes.” -- my friend Lilah
“There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.” -- Anonymous
“There's always a light at the end of the tunnel... of course, it's usually the oncoming train” -- Anonymous
“Some people are like slinkies, they're good for nothing, but they sure make you laugh when you push 'em down a flight of stairs.” -- Anonymous
“A word to the wise isn't necessary; it's the stupid ones who need advice.” -- Anonymous
“Don't follow in my footsteps; I walk into walls.” -- Anonymous
“The shinbone: A device used for finding furniture in a dark room.” -- Anonymous
“Sometimes I wonder ‘Why is that frisbee getting bigger?’ then it hits me.” -- Anonymous
“People who say anything is possible, haven't tried to slam a revolving door.” -- Anonymous
“You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.” -- Anonymous
“It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt ... then it's hilarious!” -- Anonymous
“I know it's going to be a bad day when I fall out of bed and miss the floor.” -- Anonymous
“I'm the type of person who walks into a door and apologizes. A good friend finds your prince charming. A best friend finds him, kidnaps him, and brings him to you.” -- Anonymous
“I was uncool before being uncool was cool.” -- Anonymous
“Can I get caller ID for the voices in my head?” -- Anonymous
“Chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!” -- Anonymous
“I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!” -- Anonymous
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing!” -- Anonymous
“A good friend picks you up when you fall down. A best friend picks you up, then trips you again.” -- Anonymous
“There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you lose the argument that it becomes weird.” -- Anonymous
“Hate: A special kind of love we give to people who suck.” -- Anonymous
“Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was blamed.” -- Anonymous
“Life is like an avocado. Why? I have no idea.” -- Anonymous
“Keep the dream alive- hit the snooze button...” -- Anonymous
“When in doubt, use explosives.” -- me
“People who think they know everything annoy the ones that do.” -- Anonymous
“The early bird gets the worm, but the second bird gets his cheese.” -- Anonymous
“I'd kill for a noble peace prize.” -- Anonymous
“I'm very open-minded to new things, as long as they are similar to the old ones.” -- Anonymous
“A rich person is the same as a poor person with money.” -- Anonymous
“I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to.” -- Anonymous
“I before E except after C has been proven wrong by science.” -- Anonymous
“You're unique, just like everyone else.” -- Anonymous
“If you borrow money from a pessimist, he will not expect it back.” -- Anonymous
“The last piece of ice will always stick to the bottom of your cup.” -- Anonymous
“I'm in my left mind, and it's pretty crowded.” -- Anonymous
“Once you go fangirl you can never go back.” -- Anonymous
“My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.” -- Anonymous
“MENstrual pain, MENstrual cramps, MENtal anxiety, MENopause... godamnit... all of our problems start with MEN!” -- Anonymous
“When life gives me lemons, I throw them back and demand DONUTS!” -- Anonymous
“Minions wanted. I pay in donuts.” -- me
"Don't piss me off, I am running out of places to hide bodies!" -- Anonymous
“Forecast for tonight: Dark.” -- Anonymous
“Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted: I am Napoleon! Another one said: How do you know? The first inmate said: God told me! A voice from another room shouted: I did NOT!” -- Anonymous
“When in doubt, poke it with a stick.” -- Anonymous
“How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.” -- Anonymous
“Time is money, money is the root of all evil, and knowledge is power. Therefore, procrastination is the key to world peace.” -- Anonymous
“Kids are the future. Be scared. Be very scared.” -- Anonymous
“I've heard that its possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it.” -- Anonymous
“No, I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.” – Anonymous
“When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really, who likes lemons?” -- Anonymous
“When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.” -- Anonymous
“When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.” -- Anonymous
“I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” -- Anonymous
“I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.” -- Anonymous
“I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! But not my brain. I need that.” -- Anonymous
“Three wise women would have stopped to ask for directions, got to the stable on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, cooked the dinner, and there would have been peace on earth.” -- Anonymous
“The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.” -- Anonymous
“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” - Robert Bloch
“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.” - Louis Hector Berlioz
“Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.” -- Anonymous
“There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.”
“Would I get in trouble for something I didn't do? ... Good, cause I didn't do my homework.” -- Anonymous
“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” -- Anonymous
“The words ‘school’ and ‘fun’ should not be used in the same sentence. It does against the laws of the universe.” -- CrazyNerdyFangirl in her story The Life and Lies of Edward Cullen
"The meaning of life is life." – Cleverbot
"We can't get married!" "Why not?" "I smoke! I smoke all the time!" "I don't care." "I'm fickle. I've been living with a saxophone player for 10 years." "I forgive you." "I can never have children." "We can adopt some." "Oh, screw this ... *rips off wig* ... I'M A MAN!" "Nobody's perfect."
“Oh, look, he just landed on that house over there. Hey, I just stated the obvious. Ooh, look, a chair!” – Tom in Eddsworld: Zanta Claus
“Always tourists. Never girl scouts.” – Lucius in Eddsworld: Hello Hellhole
“I’m afraid I cannot let you pass.” “Oh? And why is that?” “Because I am an asshole.” “Well, that seems perfectly reasonable – SHOVE!” – Giant Talking Lemon and Tom in Eddsworld: Tom’s Tales of Awesome
“Oh my God, is that a chair?! … Man, I love this chair … Okay, I’m bored now … Let’s go play Tetris … I love Tetris … Hey, is that a lamp?” – Tom in Eddsworld: Tom’s Tales of Awesome
“Actually, don’t thank God. That Christian fanatic’s ego is big enough as it is.” – Earth in Earth: An Unconventional Story Told in anUnconventional Wayby an Unconventional Being (an original story of mine)
“Because I am a gullible idiot, I will let you into the abbey.” – Father Abbot in Redwall the Abridged Series: Episode 1
“Stop all this talk of slavery! Haven’t you rats ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?!” “No, I don’t listen to hip-hop.” – Matthias andClunyin Redwall the Abridged Series: Episode 1
“He’s British. Just ignore him.” – Matthias in Redwall the Abridged Series: Episode 2
“I was having a staring contest with the tapestry! And I was winning, too!” –Clunyin Redwall the Abridged Series: Episode 6
“IF YOU RATS DON’T GET INTO SHAPE I’LL KILL YOU AND THEN BURY YOU AND THEN DIG YOU UP AND CLONE YOU AND THEN KILL YOUR CLONES!” –Clunyin Redwall the Abridged Series: Episode 6
“They’re the double agent … because there’s two of them!” –Clunyin Redwall the Abridged Series: Episode 6
“Nothing about Communism makes any sense. Why should this be any different?” – a shrew in Redwall the Abridged Series: Episode 7
“Do I look like the kind of guy who has no plan?” “You’re the one who leapt into my mouth.” – Matthias and Gingevere in Redwall the Abridged Series: Episode 7
“This is fun in a boring, stupid way.” – me (during gym)
“Now, I have a very hard, complicated task for someone. Nobody has done it right yet today. I need you to find theAtlantic Ocean.” – my 8th-grade history teacher
“I forgot something in my locker.” “What? Your brain? “NO! My homework!” “Oh, sorry…” – a boy and a substitute teacher
“*phone rings* Phone! I'll take it! *glares accusingly at kids in 1st row* *phone rings again* … It's mine. *picks up phone* … Yeah, this really wasn't the best time to call … I'm standing in a room full of kids who I just accused of having a phone in class, when really it was mine … I know, they're never gonna let me forget this …” – my 8th-grade history teacher
“Why are you a Republican?” “Because I can't stand Democrats.” “Okay, why can't you stand Democrats?” “They have no brains, only ideas.” “How is that possible?” “Believe me, it's possible.” – me and my dad
“’Well-intentioned but sometimes misguided… wow, that’s a nice way to say ‘stupid’ …” – my 8th-grade history teacher
“And then, the world exploded.” – my friend Katie
“I like people with anger issues! They make me feel calm!” – one of my friends
“How did he do that?” “It's called a BRAIN.” – kid and teacher
“Your hobbies are running around with giant pointy sticks and hitting people with stuffed animals! That's not normal! There's something wrong with you!” “No DUH.” – me and my sister
“Shush! I am pondering how to make this binder clip into a fatal weapon!” – my friend Lilah
“Awkward silence! A gay baby is born!” – me
“TERRORITS!” – my friend Kris (after an acorn hit the roof of the car)
“Percy needs directions!” – my friend Lilah (about The Lost Hero)
“Is your refrigerator running? WELL YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!” – Anonymous
“MY MOTHER’S BROTHER’S SISTER’S COUSIN’S AUNTIE’S UNCLE BARNEY’S FATHER’S MOTHER HAD A COUSIN FROM CALARDI!” – Gaelic Storm in Raised on Black and Tans
“Telling someone you love them is the equivalent to shooting them with a rifle in the middle of theSaharaDesertwhile force-feeding them monkey brains during the Apocalypse.” – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
“I don't know why girls are all, "I want to be like Romeo and Juliet!" I mean, I hate to spoil the ending, but they die.I mean, seriously. Girls need lives. Badly. I'm sure they're somewhere on Ebay.” – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
"Mhmmm. I believe you. Completely. One hundred percent. Now shut up and let me ruin your life." – Max in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
"Always better pissed off than pissed on." – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
"You assaulted an un-armed teenager, you snuck out in the middle of the night, and you, you…I don't know what else you did but I bet it has something to do with why the national debt is so high!" – Max in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
"Bacon is edible sex." "You know, Iggy, that takes the cake for the most random comment I have ever heard in my entire life. So why exactly are you thinking of bacon – and edible sex, for that matter?" "I was thinking of what could cheer you up. Naturally, I thought of sex, bacon, and cake." "You are a very simple person." "I never said I wasn't." -- Iggy and Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
“Men don't shout for anything, unless it's for a second helping of meat.” – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
"If you give me the camera, everything will be so much easier! World hunger will stop, nuclear weapon production will cease, and Miley Cyrus will stop singing! We'll all be saved!" – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
“'Interesting' is the word we use when we don't want to say 'Jesus Christ, we nearly died back there'.” – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
“Dear God, Iggy must be rubbing off on me. And honestly, I can think of nothing scarier in this universe.” – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
“How about you give me a blow?" "Sorry, I choke on small objects." – weird pedophile guy and Max in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
“Fate is a jackass.” – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
“Just so you know, trying to get on Max's good side is about as hard as making Iggy choose between a pound of bacon and a trio of Russian playboys. In other words, impossible.” – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
“God bless Google. Where would we be without it? We'd probably be some cannibalistic Neanderthal society.” – Fang in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
“Does everything make you hungry?” “Yes … except for when I'm not hungry.” – me and my friend Kris
“My new favorite animal is the farting toilet.” – me after encountering a toilet that made a farting noise when it was flushed
“Why are you so happy, Coach?” “”It's raining … we have the entire gym for once … nobody has misbehaved yet …” “But it's only, like, two minutes into class!” “That’s a record!” – gym teacher and boy in her class
“If I get sent to a mental instability hospital I'm blaming it on you.” – my friend Kris (to me)
“Hey.. If I die I wanna get burned alive... then at my funeral everyone must be naked... And they must play "Ding Dong the witch is dead!" and they must serve doughnuts ^_^… Oh! And I would like to be buried in the backyard. In a cardboard box.” -- my friend Kris
"Hi. Adam's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak slowly and I'll stick your message to myself with a magnet." - Adam Young
“SOMEBODY HELP ME, I’M BEING SPONTANEOUS!” – Adam Young
“Reality’s a lovely place, but I wouldn’t want to live there.” – Adam Young
“If the bombs go off, the sun will still be shining because I’ve heard it said that every mushroom cloud has a silver lining.” – Adam Young in Cave In
“There are sailboats throughout this brilliant sky, but you cannot pick them out if you can’t fly. I’m glad the Earth doesn’t care if I go up there. If you want to, just ask me and I’ll take you along.” – Adam Young in Sailboats
“I don’t need to taste to believe … what’s December without Christmas Eve?!” – Adam Young in Peppermint Winter
“You know you’re pathetic when you accidentally stab yourself with a safety pin, hard enough so that it draws blood. That's right, a SAFETY PIN. Sorta defeats the purpose, doesn't it?” – my friend Michelle
“It’s surprisingly hard to nod while face-palming. Don’t ask how I know that.” – me
“Where do you live, anyway?” “In a cardboard box!” “Do you?” “Yeah! It's got 30 inch plasma TV and everything!” – a random person and my friend Lorcain
“Do you have any spare missiles?” – my friend Lilah (to me)
“Guess what?” “What?” “I have pants!” “Oh my God, me too!” “The difference is … I’m not wearing mine!” – a boy and a girl at swim practice
“Hi.” “Hi.” “What’s up?” “Not much.” “Cool.” “Cool.” “That was the boringest conversation I ever heard in my entire life.” – two random people and me
“Please … open … your … FACE!” – a boy in my 8th-grade Chinese class
“What’s up?” “Not much.” “No, no, no. When someone asks you, ‘What’s up?’, you must say either ‘The sun’, ‘The moon’, or ‘The ceiling’ depending on where you are and what time of day it is.” “Oh.” “Let’s try this again … what’s up?” “The sky.” “Ooh, even better!” – me and my sister
“Can you, like, hold this chair for a second?” – me to my friend Hannah
“Okay, who died?” – me
“OH. MY. GOD. It just hit me why Edward can't read Bella's mind. SHE DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN.” – my friend Lilah
“I couldn’t believe it when I found out that Jace was Clary’s sister!” “So he’s a girl, too? Wow, never saw that one coming.” – two of my friends (about the Jace/Clary pairing in The Mortal Instruments) (yes, she originally meant to say “brother.”)
“Stuff happens and it is ish.” – my friend Hannah
“Life fails in general. That is my conclusion for the day.” – my friend Hannah
"In order to not be forgotten when one is dead and rotten, one must either write something worth reading or do something worth the writing." -- Benjamin Franklin
“You know life sucks when your teeth hurt too much to bite into a piece of chocolate.” – me
“Braces are instruments of torture, and orthodontists are torturers. And there are no exceptions to that rule. NO FNICKING EXCEPTIONS.” -- me
“No questions, please. We just want to go back to our hotel room and have some serious sex.” – Russel in Stripes
“What do you call that sorry state of a hair cut living atop your head?” “Sir, I call it Steve, sir!” – Sergeant Hilary and Tom in Eddsworld: Moving Targets
“Did you seriously just flood the house to make a bad pun?” “Worth it.” – Matt and Edd in Eddsworld: Comic No. 155 – Water
"The existence of monsters results in monstrous consequences." -- Edward Cullen in Eclipse
"Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV on the other hand..." -- Edward Cullen in Twilight
"Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving." -- Edward Cullen in Twilight
"I've decided that as long as I was going to Hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." -- Edward Cullen in Twilight
"I made the cowardly lion look like the terminator." –- Bella Swan in Twilight
“I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures.” –- Bella Swan in Twilight
"Holy (insert swear word of your choice here.)" – Fang in The Angel Experiment
"Those wacky Brits called fries 'chips'. And potato chips were 'crisps'. And cookies were 'biscuits'. I had no idea what real biscuits were called. Wangdoodles?" – Max in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
"She's incorruptible." "At least by power. You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes" – Max and Jeb in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
“You... are...a... fridge...with...wings...We're...freaking...ballet...dancers!” Fang in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
"I'm hit, Max. They got me. I guess I'm gonna live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse, huh?" “Okay. In my experience, if you're really hit or seriously hurt, you don't say much.” – Total and Max inMAX
"South America. It'll be warm. They have llamas. You like llamas." – Max in MAX
"Optimism is overrated, Max. It’s better to face realitly head-on." – the Voice in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
"I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahs!" – Gazzy in Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
"Have you guys been playing in the toxic waste again? Been bitten by a radioactive spider? Struck by lightning? Drink a super-soldier serum?" – Fang in The Final Warning
"Your middle name is 'Charging Off.'" – Total in MAX
"Fang could turn men gay, but he wouldn't be gay with them. It's like a hit and run thing." -- EdwardAddict
"It's lucky it's dark...I haven't blushed so much since Madame Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs." – Dumbledore at some point in Harry Potter
"I believe misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat." – Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business." "Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git." "Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor." -- The Marauder’s Map in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
"I want to fix that in my memory forever, Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..." – Ron Weasely in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"Aaaah, when twoNeptunesappear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born." – Ron Weasely, at some point in Harry Potter
"Give her hell from us, Peeves." Fred and George in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
"So, people, let's try to calm down a bit. Things are bad enough without inventing stuff as well. For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That's a Basilisk, listeners. One simple test: check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it's safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do." -Fred Weasely in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
"Your mother was a Hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!" -- The French Taunter in Monty Python and the Holy Grail
“I fart in your general direction!” -- The French Taunter in Monty Python and the Holy Grail
"DOOMED! They're all doomed. Notice I didn't say what kind of doom it was, so whatever happens to them, I will have predicted it. How very wise of me.” – Angela in Eragon
"And I'm his Doctor! Therapist! Boss! Slave-Master! Thing!" – St. Fang of Boredomin A Day of Therapy
"I swear to drunk I'm not God!" – a person whose name I believe is Andrew …
Can you tell me where the produce section is?” “*shrugs*” “Can you tell me where the bathrooms are?” “*shrugs*” “Can you tell me anything?” “*shrugs*” -- Fang and a Wall-Mart customer in St. Fang of Boredom’s Job Listings
“I believe, if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Then try to find someone who's life's giving them vodka, and have a party." --Ron White.
"My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil." -- Anonymous
"I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck." "How lucky can they be? They're dead!" – Mulan’s mom and grandmother in Mulan
“You don’t meet a girl like that every DYNASTY.” – the Emperor in Mulan(I love the way he says this line)
"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." -- Ronald Reagan
“But you can’t buy happiness.” “That’s not necessarily true. I once met a very nice stripper named Happiness.” -Fang and Iggy in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
Wham!“GO TO HELL.” Bam!“NEVER TOUCH HER AGAIN.” Slam!“YOU’RE CREEPIER THAN EDWARD.” -Fang beating up a pedophile in Phoenix Fanatic’s Diary of a Lovesick Mutant
"Canadians must have invented Pig Latin." "Why do you say that?" "Everything in that language ends in 'eh'!" – a person whose name I believe is Jessica …
“Come on, Gazzy, you've faced Erasers, mutants, robots, Max when she's angry, ninjas, pirates, vikings, and demon mutant zombie evil overlords from Hell and outer space before … okay, maybe not that last one … but even so, you can face a bunch of high school kids.” “But high school kids are scary!” – Gazzy in my fanfic, Something Romeo-And-Juliet-ish
“HOLY SWEET WHALE CARCASS!” – a random seagull in On the Rocks
“I hate you.” “I love you, too.” – me and my friend Lilah
“Go to hell.” “Don’t rush me.” – Paige and Adam in Stolen
"You're catching on! Fang! I'm so proud!" "It was sarcasm." "Oh. Well, damn. I thought for a second ..." "Don't think, it's bad for you." "Oh yeah. Right." – Iggy and Fang in my fanfic, The Perverted Facts of Life
"It's disgusting and wrong!" "Just like me!" "That might be the first true thing you've said all day." "Thank you." "It wasn't a compliment." "… Oh." – Fang and Iggy in my fanfic, The Perverted Facts of Life
"That makes no sense." "Your FACE makes no sense." "Your MOM makes no sense!" "I'm telling Max you said she made no sense." "What?" "You heard me." – Fang and Iggy in my fanfic, The Perverted Facts of Life
"How can you take her side?" "Maybe because I actually have brains inside my head?" "I have Bacon inside my head. I PWN your brains." – Iggy and Fang in my fanfic, The Perverted Facts of Life
"So this is some kind of religion?" "Only the BEST RELIGION EVER! Wanna convert? We have Bacon!" "... Maybe ... NEVER ..." "Have it your way ... NONBELIEVER." – Fang and Iggy in my fanfic, The Perverted Facts of Life
“Don't huff and puff and blow the house down, Fang. That's my job.” – Iggy in my fanfic, The Perverted Facts of Life
“What side of the car are you getting in?” “The side of death, doom, destruction, and … waffles.” – my mom and me
“What color is the uniform?” “Matte black.” “Okay, I’m in.” – Holly and Vinyaya in Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony
“What are you afraid of? It’s just a rear end.” “Yeah, maybe. But it’s smiling at me.” “Perhaps it’s happy to see you. You don’t want to be there if it gets angry.” – Mulch and Doodah Day in Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony
“A tank? You sent them a tank?” “You’ve hacked into the audio feed? What else can that phone of yours do?” “It can play solitaire and minesweeper.” – Artemis and Foaly in Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony
“How did it go? Your first lengthy conversation with a girl you own age.” “Fabulous. We’re planning a June wedding.” – Butlerand Artemis in Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony
“NEVER TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT! Unless, of course, it’s easier.” – me
"Today was a strange day. I felt good, then I felt 'good' and now I feel bad. I feel vegetable." -- Adam Young
“There are ten types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.” – Anonymous
“People above you, they never want to share power with you. Why do you look to them? They give you nothing. People below you, you give them hope, you give them respect, they give you power, cause they don’t think they have any, so they don’t mind giving it up.” – Bean in Ender’s Shadow
“If he passes your exacting intellectual and personality requirements, it is quite possible that for a miniscule portion of the brass button or toilet paper budget of the I.F., his physical limitations might be repaired.” “I never knew nuns could be sarcastic.” “I can’t reach you with a ruler. Sarcasm is my last resort.” – Sister Carlotta and Graff in Ender’s Shadow
“He gives the right answers, but they aren’t true.” “And what test did you use to determine this?” “He committed murder.” “Well, that is a drawback.” – Sister Carlotta and Graff in Ender’s Shadow
“Do you realize that there is no way you could have survived for three years as an infant?” “I guess that means I’m dead.” – Sister Carlotta and Bean in Ender’s Shadow
“Are they all short like you?” “I used to be taller, but I asked too many questions.” – random kid and Bean in Ender’s Shadow
“Nero Boulanger.” “French? Or just hungry?” – Nero and Dimak in Ender’s Shadow
“So he unnerved you.” “He would unnerve anyone. He’s cold, sir. And yet –“ “And yet hot. Yes, I read your report. Every scintillating page of it.” “Yes sir.” “I think you know that it is considered good advice for us not to get crushes on our students.” – Graff and Dimak in Ender’s Shadow
“It’s a hellish place, from what I hear. The kids are vicious. They make Lord of the Flies look like Pollyanna.” “When did you read Pollyanna?” “It was a book?” – Graff and Sister Carlotta in Ender’s Shadow
“And here I thought my clearance level would open any door.” “We invented a special new category of security, called ‘Not for Sister Carlotta.’” – Sister Carlotta and Graff in Ender’s Shadow
“That’s what I expected. The only process you’ve mastered is elimination, and the only reason you’ve mastered it is because you can do it in the toilet.” – Ender in Ender’s Game (and Ender’s Shadow)
“Why do you call him Wiggin?” “Cause we’re not friends.” “Oh, so it’s Mr. Wiggin and Mr. Bean, is that it?” “No. Bean is my first name.” “Oh. So it’s Mr. Wiggin and Who The Hell Are You.” “Got it.” – Nikolai and Bean in Ender’s Shadow
“So Ender, the nice middle-class American boy, kills the kid who wants to beat him up in the bathroom. And Bean, the hoodlum street kid, turns a serial killer over to law enforcement.” – Graff in Ender’s Shadow
“Your teacher is the Mazer Rackham?” “You know how they say he’s a brilliant hero? What they don’t mention is, he’s a complete hard-ass.” – Bean and Ender in Ender’s Shadow
“They don’t understand that, yes, humans will always act to preserve their own lives – except for the times when they don’t.” – Bean in Ender’s Shadow (about the Buggers)
“Are you questioning my badass-ness?” – Puck in Glee
“Would you like that with or without zombies?” -- anonymous
“There's always the ‘Have you ever seen a little boy naked?’ comment.” – anonymous (about how to deal with a stagnant conversation)
Why is that when someone invents a girlfriend, they're always fromCanada? Why aren't they ever fromUzbekistan?” – Gordan Corman
I once walked in on my parents. It was like watching two walruses wrestling.” – Sue Sylvester in Glee
“When man first discovered how to run faster than pigs, we had bacon.” – a radio commercial
“You know you’ve been reading too much strange Maximum Ride fan fiction when someone tells you to say five things that would make you do a double take and the first two that pop into your head are, ‘Iggy in spandex’ and ‘Iggy cooking Bacon naked.’” – me (after it happened to me)
"I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night, I'll steal away into your home and punch you in the face.” – Sue Sylvester in Glee
"Nerd? We prefer the term intellectual badass." -- anonymous
"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.” – Paul Beatty
“Do you believe in love at first sight? Because if you don't I can walk by again.” -- anonymous
“IF YOU DON'T PUT MY PENS BACK, I WILL CONSUME YOUR SOUL. Thank you for understanding.” – a note on a desk
“No, no, no, I will not be buying any hatchets – not unless I get a clear shot to your groin.” – Sue Sylvester in Glee
“My favourite animal is steak.” – Fran Lebowitz
“Dylan is two percent bird, and ninety-eight percent Backstreet Boy.” -- axisfiraga
“Today, my friend slapped me for writing a sappy love poem about my crush. I wasn't. I was writing a poem to bacon. His name just happens to rhyme with it.” -- Shadowleaf264
“What’s the plan?” “It involves us not dyeing!” “I like that one!” – Roxanne and Megamind in Megamind
“*crowd presses in on Megamind*” “*whips out gun* BACK! BACK, YOU HORRIBLE MONKEYS!” “I’m sorry, he’s not used to positive feedback yet!” – Megamind and Roxanne in Megamind
"Do you EVER think about anything but food?" "Yes. I think about sex." “What about both at the same time?" "That, my good miss, is what we know as 'bacon.'" – Katie Gardener and Travis Stoll in FlyingSolo365 / Lilah Espinoza’s Red Vines
"It's not a good vacation unless you've emotionally traumatized a local." – Magnus Bane in MorbidMandy’s Snapshots
“You know your swimming pool needs cleaning when the neighbor kids ask if they can jump on your trampoline.” – Adam Young
“Every now and then I announce “I know you’re listening!” to empty rooms.” – Adam Young
“Bullies! Yellowbellies! Come closer and Toothless’ll fry you to a frazzle! Toothless’ll drag out yer guts and play ‘em on a harp! Toothless’ll … Toothless’ll … well, you just better not come any closer, that’s all …!” “Oh, very brave, Toothless. If you shout louder they might even hear you.” – Toothless and Hiccup in How to Train Your Dragon
“I bet you could catch more fish than any of the others on Thor’sday Thursday if you wanted to.” “Twice as many. But I don’t want to.” –Hiccup and Toothless in How to Train Your Dragon
“He says he comes in peace. He’s still going to kill us, though.” – Hiccup in How to Train Your Dragon
“How to Train Your Dragon. YELL AT IT.” “And … ? Yell at it, and … ?” “That’s it. YELL AT IT.” “There’s nothing in there about the Seadragonus Giganticus Maximus in particular?” “Not as such. Just the bit about yelling at it, really.” – Gobber and Stoick the Vast in How to Train Your Dragon
“Of course I remember it! It was on the 400th anniversary of the defeat of the Spanish Armada!” – my 8th-grade history teacher (when asked if he remembered the date of his wedding)
“The sword is usually mightier than the pen ...unless you happen to sharpen the pen to a fine point, dip it in poison and throw it accurately at your opponent.” -- EZReader111 on deviantART
“Holy frick. Fnick. Sweet whale carcass. Thing.” – me (when my younger sister showed me her insanely easy math homework)
“Life’s just a bunch of experiences, you know? You don’t get a medal at the finish line for being good. You just get dead.” – Puck in Glee
“How's your life going?” “It smells of roast beef and cabbage.” – me and Cleverbot
“Children are everything. The rest is … nothing.” “Except when I’m hungry. Food is something!” “You’re always hungry.” “Food is always something!” – Mrs. Arkanian and Stefan in Shadow of the Hegemon
“Why don’t you shut up and find things out when they matter?” “Because I’m a cheerful, talkative extrovert who likes to make friends.” “You’re a bossy, nosy introvert who likes to piss people off.” “Oh, you actually did some research!” – random woman and Petrain Shadow of the Hegemon
“Ender Wiggin may have saved your asses against the Buggers, but I’m the one who’s going to save humanity’s collective rectum from its own colostomy.” – Peter Wiggin in Shadow of the Hegemon
“It might not be Achilles who took the other kids.” “It might not be gravity that holds us to Earth, but rather an unknown force with identical properties.” – Bean and Sister Carlotta in Shadow of the Hegemon
“Don’t tell me you’ve actually read Nietzche and Derrida. Or Aquinas, for that matter.” “You don’t have to eat the entire turd to know that it’s not a crab cake.” – Sister Carlotta and Bean in Shadow of the Hegemon
“But he might be no better than Achilles!” “I know of several ways already that he’s better than Achilles. First, he’s not trying to kill us.” – Sister Carlotta and Bean in Shadow of the Hegemon
“Why keep the others, when I can have the best?” “Are you flirting with me?” “I don’t flirt.” “I forgot. You shoot first, and then flirting isn’t necessary.” – Achilles and Petrain Shadow of the Hegemon
“That’s one way to conquer the world. Kill everybody one by one until you’re the only one left.” – Petrain Shadow of the Hegemon
“He has to look like an ordinary kid his age. He should be spending time with friends. Or with girls. Or with friends looking for girls. Or with friends trying to distract themselves from the fact that they can’t find any girls.” – Sister Carlotta in Shadow of the Hegemon
“If something’s going to be blown up, let it be a restaurant. They carry insurance for that sort of thing.” – Mrs. Wiggin in Shadow of the Hegemon
“I do believe that the two most arrogant boys in the world have finally met, and they don’t much like what they see.” – Sister Carlotta in Shadow of the Hegemon
“Since this seems to be tell-Peter-he’s-stupid day, let’s hear your plan.” “Well, I was wrong. He actually can listen to other people.” “I told you.” – Peter, Sister Carlotta, and Bean in Shadow of the Hegemon
“Hard to believe, Suriyawong, but yes, I have weaknesses.” “Growing pains?” – Bean and Suriyawong in Shadow of the Hegemon
“They intend to rule from the Indus to the Mekong. But the Indian army is the main objective. Once that is destroyed, there is nothing in their way.” “And all this we deduce from the fact that a certain Catholic nun was on the airplane?” – Bean and a random general in Shadow of the Hegemon
“I’m doing lots of things.” “Besides arranging for us to get past stupid security guards with bad ID?” “Already I’ve started two wars, cured three diseases, and written an epic poem. If you weren’t so self-centered you would have noticed.” – Bean and Petrain Shadow Puppets
“Staying alive is all I’ve ever wanted to do with my life, dear child.” “But in the end, you’re going to fail at that.” “Most of us do. All of us, actually, unless Sister Carlotta and the Christians turn out to be right.” – Bean and Petrain Shadow Puppets
“So you love me.” “I’m a raging mass of hormones that I’m too young to understand. You’re a female of a closely related species. According to all the best primatologists, I really have no choice.” – Petraand Bean in Shadow Puppets
“*kisses Petra* I’ve wanted to do that practically the whole time we’ve been traveling together.” “I could tell. From the way you never gave even the tiniest sign that you knew I existed, except as an annoyance.” – Bean and Petrain Shadow Puppets
“You must be the soldier in Bean’s army who was assigned to show Achilles around.” “Only he didn’t have the foresight to push Achilles out an airlock without a suit. Which I think shows a shameful lack of initiative on his part.” – Petraand Bean in Shadow Puppets
“Actually, Peter sent me along to keep [Bean] under very close surveillance.” “You seem to be the right person for the job.” “She’s not that good. I’ve come close to noticing her several times.” – Petra, Ambul, and Bean in Shadow Puppets
“How the hell did you get so much taller than me?” “Steroids.” “And I stretch him on a rack every night.” – Ambul, Bean, and Petrain Shadow Puppets
“I’m a Battle Schooler. We had classes in doing the impossible. I got A’s.” – Ambul in Shadow Puppets
“She hates him? She never said anything about that.” “To you.” “So she’s told you she wants to kill him?” “Of course not. If she had, I wouldn’t have mentioned it to you.” – Peter and Mr. Wiggin in Shadow Puppets
“You survived. The others didn’t. Why was that, do you think?” “I hid in a toilet tank.” -- Anton and Bean in Shadow Puppets
“You both give off enough pheromones to fertilize the eggs of passing birds.” – Anton in Shadow Puppets
“The only people who think children are carefree are the ones who’ve forgotten their own childhood.” – Mr. Wiggin in Shadow Puppets
“There’s only this brief window of adolescence where extravagantly romantic remarks are taken for poetry.” “Such is the power of hormones that we absolutely understand the biological causes of our feelings, and yet we still feel them.” – Bean and Petrain Shadow Puppets
“Being alive is good.” – Peter in Shadow Puppets
“You were wrong, Theresa: he does have balls.” “Not enough of them, apparently.” – Mr. and Mrs. Wiggin (about Peter) (after Peter stripped in front of them) in Shadow Puppets
“How many times are you two going to have to save me from myself before this whole drama runs its course?” “I think … six times.” “No, eight.” – Peter, Mr. Wiggin, and Mrs. Wiggin in Shadow Puppets
“I suppose this proves I’m not in Kansasanymore.” “I don’t believe that you have ever been in Kansas, Mrs. Delphiki.” – Petraand Ivan Lankowski in Shadow Puppets
“Armeniais in no danger from us.” “Unless, of course, we provoke the Azerbaijanis. Which we do by breathing, I must point out.” – Alai and Petrain Shadow Puppets
“I’m going to get our babies back. And kill Achilles while I’m at it. And I’ll do it soon. Before I die.” “That’s good. It will be so much harder for you to do it afterward.” – Bean and Petrain Shadow Puppets
“Well, excuse me for not thinking like a paranoid spy.” – Mrs. Wiggin in Shadow Puppets
“Was catching me doing something naughty so important they’d risk a shuttle and its crew just to catch me? I find that quite … flattering. Sort of like winning a Nobel Peace Prize for scariest villain.” – Achilles in Shadow Puppets
“You’re Greek and I’m Armenian. Of course we need to raise our children to speak Portuguese.” – Petra(to Bean) in Shadow Puppets
“You argue like a debater. You don’t actually have to have an idea, you just have to have a seemingly clever refutation.” “And you argue like a nine-year-old. Sticking your fingers in your ears and going ‘La la la’ and ‘same to you.’” – Petraand Peter in Shadow of the Giant
“This is great. You don’t even need her in the room with you and you can still carry on an argument with her.” – Peter (to himself) (about Petra) in Shadow of the Giant
“Just a minute, Suri. He’s killing somebody.” – Petra(about Bean) in Shadow of the Giant
“Trust no one that you haven’t bribed within the last half hour.” – Vlad in Shadow of the Giant
“Carn Carby is in Australiawhere they may or may not have a military but nobody cares.” – Vlad in Shadow of the Giant
“I’m glad to know that Russians haven’t forgotten their sense of humor.” “Everybody knows a few dozen Estonian jokes.” “What do Estonians tell jokes about?” “Estonians, of course. Only they don’t realize that they’re jokes.” – Peter and Vlad in Shadow of the Giant
“You’re in bed so deep with the I.F. that Chamrajnagar thinks you’re a hemorrhoid and wakes up scratching at you.” “You have a vast untapped potential as a poet.” – Bean and Graff in Shadow of the Giant
“You think only a genie could get me to India?” “Alive, yes.” “Then I must contact my genie.” – Alaiand Ivan Lankowski in Shadow of the Giant
“No woman in her right mind would ever marry you and have your babies because NOBODY COULD STAND TO RAISE THEM. You will have the most hellish children. So have them in a colony where there’ll be someplace for them to go when they run away from home about fifteen times before they’re ten.” – Petra(to Dink) in Shadow of the Giant
“That’s rude, to speak in a language he doesn’t know.” “Ah. I’m glad to know that the concept of rudeness does exist in Armenia.” – Petra and Bean in Shadow of the Giant
“You and Graff have so much paper on Alaithat you know when he scratches his butt.” – Peter (to Mazer Rackham) in Shadow of the Giant
“I don’t want him killed.” “No, I want him killed slowly.” – Bean and Petra in Shadow of the Giant
“Kiss the babies good-bye.” “I will not! Do you think I want them to have nightmares of a giant bending over them and trying to eat them?” – Mazer Rackham and Bean in Shadow of the Giant
“Petra, you’re behaving very badly.” “No, Mrs. Delphiki. This is only slightly badly. Petra’s a trained soldier and the fact that I’m still standing –“ – Mrs. Delphiki and Peter in Shadow of the Giant
“Biographers were always irritated when their subject turned out to be alive.” – Peter in Shadow of the Giant
“I have the reflexes of a cat. A dead cat.” – a person that I know
“It’s all fun and games until I walk into the room.” “Well, at least you admit it.” – two people in my 8th-grade Foods class
“I prefer to be the noisiest thing in my environment, thank you very much.” - Sadie Kane in Throne of Fire
“Two farewell gifts from two gorgeous guys. FML.” - Sadie Kane in Throne of Fire
“So, Russia. By driving up an empty staircase.” – Carter in Throne of Fire
“So, let me get this straight. We break into a heavily guarded Russian national museum, find the magicians’ secret headquarters, find a dangerous scroll, and escape. Meanwhile, you will be eating chocolate.” – Sadie (to Bes) in Throne of Fire
“Now, you’ll answer my questions.” “Oh, very well. I like Brazilfor the World Cup. I’d advise investing in platinum and small-cap finds. And your lucky numbers this week are 2, 13–“ “NOT THOSE QUESTIONS!” - Menshikov, Set, Menshikov in Throne of Fire
“What kind of magician makes deals with Set? Well, except for us. That’s different.” – Carter in Throne of Fire
“I really HATE that name. Why couldn’t it have been Glorious Day? Or the Rockin’ Red Reaper? That’s rather nice.” – Set (referring to his true name) in Throne of Fire
“I could deal with attracting attention as an oddity – an American/British girl travelling alone with a boy who did not look like her brother. In fact, that’s pretty much the story of my life.” – Sadie in Throne of Fire
“Katrina came to a screeching halt. You may protest that camels can’t screech. You are quite wrong. As she reached the top of a massive sand dune, Katrina made a wet screechy sound much worse than a car’s brakes. Hindenburg came to more of a farting halt.” – Sadie in Throne of Fire
“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to find your mummy and draw a mustache on your portrait!” – Sadie in Throne of Fire
“I just bared my soul and you’re thinking about rocks?” - Walt (to Sadie) in Throne of Fire
“A woman like that deserved a chance at happiness in the next world, even if she couldn’t pay. We have quite enough snobbery in this world without exporting it to the hereafter.” – Sadie in Throne of Fire
“Felix had unleashed a squad of penguins on another magician, who cowered in a magic circle with some sort of posttraumatic stress, screaming, ‘NOT ANTARCTICA AGAIN! ANYTHING BUT THAT!’” in Throne of Fire