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Author has written 3 stories for Twilight.
OKAY, I have been STILL getting messages about updating...but sadly...I am rather depressed and am having a hard time doing updates...it has been that way awhile...so I am going to explain some things, I know some people have seen the messages I am going to post here if you follow me on my Fanfiction faccebook.
Message One: April 2nd, 2014
People have been messaging me and sending me PM's asking why there hasn't been updates? well, simple really, I have been rather depressed and seem to want to sleep more than anything, besides going to work. I am typing...somewhat, I almost have a Onshot for Bunny WK done. ...but not much else.
So can people please stop sending rather mean and crude messages about how I am a horrible author for not updating? Or how I can't seem to finish anything...that really doesn't help with my depression AT ALL.
I have spent years on this site, and no matter what I do I tend to get horrible messages no matter what I do.
I have gotten Suicide notes, made for myself by other people. Got called all names in the books, been insulted, had my family insulted, freinds insulted and been told to go jump off a cliff somewhere multipul times.
I am trying to do my best on updates and making my reviewers happy and it seems lately that isn't good enough for anyone.
I love writing, but right now everytime I type it is turning into a chore,
Everyday when I go look in my email and see a review or a PM I cringe because I know I am going to end up in tears. I just don't understand what makes people want to say such cruel things to me, when I haven't done anything to them, let alone met them in person to make them hate me so.
Yes, I know my updates are slow...but that is mostly because of all the hate I am getting from everyone. It is hard to get ride of those negitive feelings you pile up on me.
Yes, I know I get a lot of good reviews/feedback...but one hate is more powerful then one good...
As of right now, I am really debating what to do with myself on fanfiction and other fanfiction sites.
I have made lots of friends on fanfiction, but right now I am starting to hate it. ...I am at a stand still on what to do...and I will try to figure things out.
I hope people understand that.
Message Two: April 3rd, 2014
After posting the message yesterday, I got a few PM's saying things like' You are going to let a few flamers bother you? That is stupid.' and I have to say that kind of ticked me off. I had a few messages like that. So, I am going to take the time to show you...a few key points on my time on fanfiction...
Eleven: The age when I found fanfiction.
Twelve: I found the Inuyasha fandom and started writing my own Inuyasha crossover fics, but not yet posting them on fanfiction.
Thirteen: Made my fanfiction account, and posted my frist fic, Inuyasha/Prince of tennis.
Fourteen: Got my frist flames...and after six months of flames I got my first 'suicide note' for myself, made by another person on ff.net
Fivteen: After a year of constant flamer, which I got about 4 or five a day, and a suicide note three or four times a week, I went on a six month break from fanfiction.
Sixteen: I Delted all my fics and made a new fanfiction account...during this time I also started beeing stlaked on every site I was on by this person(s) who where flaming me and sending me 'suicide notes' I got messages on deviant art, adult fanfiction, as well as my facebook page, which I don't know how they found.
Seventeen: Took a year break from writing, still getting flames but suicide notes stopped when I made new account.
Eighteen: Made a new account to get away from flamers, which is the current acount I have now.
Nineteen: Started getting flamers after seven months of new account.
Twenty: Started getting more and mroe flamers, multipul a day, and started getting nasty messages on how awful a writer I was and that i should quite, along with a lot of cuss words directed at me.
Still Twenty: About eight months in, started gettng Suicde notes for myself from mutlitpul people. Some where quite graphic on how I should kill myself, like jump off a bridge, or how I should hang myself and hope my parents find me so they know how much of a dissapointment i was...and some went into detail on how I should cut my wrist or kneck so i would bleed to death...because that is what I deserved.
Twenty One( My current age) Still getting detailed suicide notes, multipul times a week, and atleast five to ten flames a day, or PM's telling me how much of a wast of space I am.
So all in all...the end verdict:
Suicide Notes made for myself by others from ff.net: Over 2000...I have counted. I also have kept all of them, as directed by some freinds who said that i should keep files on all pm's, notes, and anything i get from them.
PM"s telling me to kill myself and detailed ways how I should do it: over 500.
PM's telling me to quite writing cause I am horrible at it: over 700.
Flamers telling me to quite writing cause what I am writing sucks:...over 10,000.
SO yes... A FEW flames are bothering me? Wouldn't it you?
I love writing, but I can only take so much. I want to be an author, have for years. Yes, my grammer and spelling aren't always the best, but I'll be damned if I don't try!
I try my hardest to do what I love, but I don't think I deserve anything these people are sending at me! And If I get a messages from people like yesterday saying 'it can't be that bad' or 'your are blowing things up more than it probaly really is' I am sorry to say I am not.
So I hope this ...helps those who messaged me yesterday understand...I wasn't 'blowing air' as you called it...or 'making things up' or even the best, 'You just like attention and want people to feel sorry for you'
One: I don't like attention. Sure I love reviews for my writing, but the attention from this...no. I am not that twisted, thank you very much.
Two: Why the hell would I lie or make things up like this?!?!
Three:...I am so done with people today!
Four: I hope you feel better about belittling my situation and flat out calling me an attention whore and a lier.
-An very emotional Yuki
I hope this explains some things. I have been having a hard time doing updates for years...If you notice all the stories...it is because I hope everytime a post a new one...maybe...just maybe it is going to be good enough I won't get such HATE on it.
I am tired of living up to those expectations...I love writing, I love fanfiction, but I am emotionally drained from this site. I have no confidence in any of my stories. That is why I have so many, and haven't finished them. It is another reason my chapters have slowly over the years gotten shorter...and shorter...and shorter.
I am trying to get back my confidence in writing again. It just may take a little time.
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