TopazV
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Joined 12-08-09, id: 2172936, Profile Updated: 08-07-13

I'm V.

I'm unfailingly sarcastic and snarky, but I usually keep it to myself. My RL face is all sugar. My brain is typically a bit more acid and smut soaked. Only in the FF world do I attempt to combine the two.

I read disgusting amounts of TwiFic. I am not ashamed.

I also write, but have yet to muster up the cahones to publish it. Eventually I'll either grow a pair, or drink just enough to get brave.

Bet on the latter.

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Slim Jim and the Lotto Girl by kitkat681 reviews
A choice between entering a sex shop or a 7-Eleven sends shy and quiet Edward Cullen's world into complete disarray and earns him the nick name 'Slim Jim'. How will his life ever be the same after he meets his Lotto Girl? Hilarity and ridiculousness all rolled into one sweet love story. Rated M for...you know.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 13,927 - Reviews: 647 - Favs: 354 - Follows: 595 - Updated: 5/12 - Published: 8/3/2013 - Bella, Edward
My Ex-con by counselor reviews
Edward is fresh out of the big house and Bella is his new boss.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,086 - Reviews: 10314 - Favs: 1,507 - Follows: 1,535 - Updated: 3/19 - Published: 2/8/2014 - Bella, Edward - Complete
High Anxiety by EdwardsBloodType reviews
Cute, trendy Bella returns home to escape the heartache of her past. She immediately befriends neighbors Jasper and Edward, bonding with them in the treehouse out back. Bella and Edward discover they have more in common than they ever dreamed of. AH A/U
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 36,423 - Reviews: 21256 - Favs: 11,721 - Follows: 7,461 - Updated: 2/3 - Published: 7/16/2009 - Bella, Edward
He Said, She Said by araeo reviews
Boy meets Girl and sweeps her right off her feet – which just happen to be slightly slutty when it comes to a certain tall, dark (and slightly gingered) piece of walking sex, who decides to pursue her without mercy. A fluffy novelette about a girl who does something questionably stupid, yet lucks out incredibly by finding her Mr. Right. All human. Utter nonsense.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 21,299 - Reviews: 703 - Favs: 629 - Follows: 430 - Updated: 1/9/2014 - Published: 12/17/2013 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Expectations and Other Moving Pieces by chrometurtle reviews
Everything I had done in my life seemed to lead up to this moment. The moment when I found myself bound inextricably to a man I didn’t love, trapped in a life I didn’t want. And if I left him, I would be entirely alone.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 46 - Words: 227,237 - Reviews: 15032 - Favs: 8,629 - Follows: 9,063 - Updated: 11/11/2013 - Published: 10/13/2009 - Bella, Edward
Suddenly by LyricalKris reviews
An apathetic actor. A young girl coming into her own. He was always larger than life to her. She was always just a child on the edge of his horizon. For both, love was a silly game other people played, until it wasn't.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 54,848 - Reviews: 4499 - Favs: 1,734 - Follows: 1,974 - Updated: 10/9/2013 - Published: 6/28/2013 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Tropic of Virgo by In.a.blue.bathrobe reviews
He's a young but jaded musician writing lyrics for his band, and she's a naive, frustrated poet looking to break out of her shell; their words collide online. What happens when they meet in high school, unaware of their literary connection?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 38 - Words: 150,800 - Reviews: 20124 - Favs: 13,022 - Follows: 5,421 - Updated: 9/9/2013 - Published: 3/4/2009 - Complete
Creature of Habit by EZRocksAngel reviews
Bella begins working for the elusive and distant Edward Cullen who she discovers is hiding behind an elaborate charade to maintain his secret lifestyle. Bella is determined to find out the mysteries of Edward Cullen but with what results? AU, OOC.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 33 - Words: 189,751 - Reviews: 14504 - Favs: 11,782 - Follows: 5,439 - Updated: 5/16/2013 - Published: 1/4/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
In Your Room by LayAtHomeMom reviews
After years of bedroom boredom with Missionary Mike, can Bella find the sexual salvation she's seeking in the arms of campus hottie, Edward Cullen? Rated M for Edward's dirty mouth, Bella's inner whore, embarrassing situations and lemons galore…
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 114,213 - Reviews: 3800 - Favs: 4,088 - Follows: 3,060 - Updated: 4/4/2013 - Published: 11/1/2012 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Breakers by les16 reviews
After spending 7 years in prison, Edward gets a new start in the fishing village of Corea, Maine. Can a little girl and her mom, Bella, see beyond his past and can they all find love again...or will the ocean swallow them whole?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 324,923 - Reviews: 7464 - Favs: 4,386 - Follows: 2,930 - Updated: 1/1/2013 - Published: 6/19/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Hardcover Paranormal Romance by badjujube reviews
Edward has an issue with Bella Swan that can't be found in the employee handbook. AU, goofy. Complete.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 41,720 - Reviews: 2010 - Favs: 1,181 - Follows: 1,201 - Updated: 11/12/2012 - Published: 2/11/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Fatty by kitkat681 reviews
Edward Cullen can't find something that's very important to him...his wang. But that's what happens when you are 363 pounds. Bella Swan is his only chance to live a real life and find what's missing and so much more. No angst, a tiny bit of drama. Rated M
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 53,040 - Reviews: 4742 - Favs: 1,886 - Follows: 1,898 - Updated: 9/9/2012 - Published: 1/1/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Animate Me by abstract way reviews
Professional animator Edward worships cartoon exec Bella from afar by day and draws her in his comic book late at night. When this Daffy Duck-loving geek comes face to face with his dream girl, will his fantasy world come to life? ...Note:The primary story of Animate Me was pulled and published. Thanks for 2 great years on fan fic.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 10,251 - Reviews: 11452 - Favs: 4,491 - Follows: 3,699 - Updated: 7/13/2012 - Published: 5/14/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
An Abridged Account by alchemilla mollis reviews
An Abridged Account of the Intimate History of Edward Cullen, as told to Bella Swan. Edward recounts a somewhat disastrous history of encounters with women through the 20th century, as Bella becomes more and more impatient to have an encounter of their own.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 145,536 - Reviews: 2025 - Favs: 1,199 - Follows: 1,174 - Updated: 6/4/2012 - Published: 6/24/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
St Andrew's Place by Lipsmacked reviews
Bella moves to Los Angeles to start a new life with Rose, Alice and Leah. Friends becomes lovers and all that good stuff. Femslash. BxLxRxA eventually BxL
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 94,494 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 266 - Follows: 68 - Published: 12/18/2011 - Bella, Leah - Complete
There Once Was a King by Brits23 reviews
Bella relies on pen and paper to inspire her in a monotonous world, but the written word is nothing without the right melody. She finds that melody in a man who breathes life into an endless sea of grey. He's everything-everything she can't have. CxB AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 18 - Words: 110,095 - Reviews: 1281 - Favs: 643 - Follows: 710 - Updated: 12/4/2011 - Published: 7/9/2010 - Carlisle, Bella
My Surreal Life by einfach mich reviews
AH, Slashy, Smutty fun written for the TwiKinkFest. Full summary inside.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,313 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 209 - Published: 11/18/2011 - Edward
Art After 5 by sleepyvalentina reviews
Bella Swan had life figured out until she met sixteen-year-old Edward Cullen. A few months and an intense emotional connection later, she finds herself on a journey toward self acceptance while questioning everything she'd previously accepted as true.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 55 - Words: 130,382 - Reviews: 12101 - Favs: 5,128 - Follows: 3,122 - Updated: 11/5/2011 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Vampire in the Basement by michellephants reviews
While hunting one afternoon, the boys stumble upon what appears to be a corpse. When they learn it's a severely broken vampire, they take him home to do what they can to help. But of course, fate has plans for this man. Canon Couples. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 164,189 - Reviews: 11472 - Favs: 9,032 - Follows: 6,576 - Updated: 10/30/2011 - Published: 2/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
V by MeteorMuse reviews
WINNER OF THE KAMA SUTRA AWARD FROM THE SHARE THE LOVE CONTEST. Bella finds herself attracted to Jasper, but being with him has some surprising conditions attached. She is surprised to find herself considering becoming roommate number V. VERY M. M/F/F/F/M
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,877 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 44 - Published: 10/17/2011 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
From the Cup of Duty by LadyExcalibur2010 reviews
Edward is a ruler in need of an heir. Isabella Swan comes from fruitful stock. A marriage made in heaven, right? Well...not quite yet. Sometimes duty brings an unexpected gift. Rated M for future lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 23 - Words: 75,939 - Reviews: 4913 - Favs: 5,298 - Follows: 2,839 - Updated: 8/4/2011 - Published: 5/3/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
America's Next Hot Model On Top by up2late reviews
2nd Place Winner for "Fiction Vs Reality" Contest! Bella's in the final weeks of competing on "America's Next Top Model" when she meets up with some hot male models. Can she mix a little pleasure with business? WARNING! HOT B/E/J 3some LEMONS! O/S
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 17,812 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 23 - Published: 7/5/2011 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
Heat by ArcadianMaggie reviews
Leah went from a young woman in love to the only female in a pack of mind-reading shape shifters, led by the Alpha Sam, her ex. Rated M. Contains mature content. See multiple warnings inside.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 17,282 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 24 - Published: 5/14/2011 - Leah, Sam - Complete
Miror Quaenam Sis Tam Bella by MeraNaamJoker reviews
Paul stops Bella before she can jump off that cliff and ruin her life. Complications ensue.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 15 - Words: 78,545 - Reviews: 1373 - Favs: 2,139 - Follows: 777 - Updated: 4/19/2011 - Published: 10/11/2010 - Bella, Paul - Complete
Rubbish by belladonnacullen reviews
Trash. Dirty. Filthy. Late nights. Early mornings. Finally open your eyes to see Edward staring back. It's hard to remember to take out the trash when you're a high-class hooker. Do you need help cleaning house? Let the garbage collector do it.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 52 - Words: 62,886 - Reviews: 2822 - Favs: 975 - Follows: 630 - Updated: 4/13/2011 - Published: 2/21/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Stranger Than Fiction by MasenVixen reviews
Six years after Edward left, Bella's written a bestselling book about a girl and the vampire who loves her. Edward returns to her, hell-bent on recapturing the happily ever after that he destroyed. AU. Rated M for lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 140,407 - Reviews: 8893 - Favs: 7,364 - Follows: 4,866 - Updated: 1/23/2011 - Published: 1/2/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
We Don't Break, We Bend by LyricalKris reviews
When the man who's supposed to love them hurts them, and the people who are supposed to save them won't listen, it falls on their shoulders to not just survive, but save each other.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 109,256 - Reviews: 872 - Favs: 862 - Follows: 315 - Updated: 11/4/2010 - Published: 11/13/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Raw and Rosy by tuesdaymidnight reviews
Jasper Hale hates his high school rival Edward Cullen with a passion. What happens when Jasper discovers Edward's little secret? Spank!Fic. AH/AU/OOC. Rated M. Contains mature content.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 19 - Words: 91,100 - Reviews: 3547 - Favs: 2,315 - Follows: 1,392 - Updated: 10/23/2010 - Published: 6/6/2010 - Jasper, Edward - Complete
The Blessing and the Curse by The Black Arrow reviews
By pretending she is falling for Edward, Bella is fulfilling Esme's dying wish. But sexy, possessive Edward can read her mind. Will she ever get into his? Can Bella forget the pain of her teenage years, and can she resist his relentless seduction? AH.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 140,448 - Reviews: 14209 - Favs: 15,210 - Follows: 8,266 - Updated: 9/10/2010 - Published: 5/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Brown Study by littlesecret84 reviews
Bella's dreams have a way of coming true. But what will she do when the man she dreams of appears in her life as a boy who is less than ideal? Will finding him mean losing her BFF, Jane? Does knowing the future change the present? Rated M for adult stuff.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 142,197 - Reviews: 7712 - Favs: 2,456 - Follows: 1,559 - Updated: 8/31/2010 - Published: 12/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Simple by SubtlePen reviews
When you’re too broken to acknowledge you have a heart, what do you do when it starts beating? AU/AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 24,786 - Reviews: 324 - Favs: 341 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 6/19/2010 - Published: 7/7/2009 - Complete
The List by LauraACullen reviews
Four weeks before her wedding to Edward, Bella is frustrated. She knows there's little-to-no chance of getting him to bend his rules and boundaries now, but there's no harm in fantasizing about what could happen later. So she begins compiling a list...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 28 - Words: 195,361 - Reviews: 2899 - Favs: 5,152 - Follows: 1,874 - Updated: 3/18/2010 - Published: 3/19/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Difference Between X and Y by LyricalKris reviews
Man or woman, friend or lover. When you don't put a label on it, you can just sit back and enjoy the ride, because when it comes down to it the only real difference is an X or Y. Edward/Bella/Jasper O/s.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,690 - Reviews: 214 - Favs: 426 - Follows: 126 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Edward, Jasper - Complete
Mind Over Matter by SubtlePen reviews
Set in the 6 week 'blank period' at the end of Eclipse/beginning of Breaking Dawn, between the newborn battle, and the wedding. Bella and Edward expand and deepen their physical relationship in preparation for their impending marriage. AU, CITRUS!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 73,980 - Reviews: 741 - Favs: 690 - Follows: 291 - Updated: 2/19/2010 - Published: 10/25/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Daedalus in Exile by EZRocksAngel reviews
After leaving Forks, Edward follows a path of weakness and isolation while eventually seeking redemption from the only person who can absolve him. Alternate Universe, B/E
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 21 - Words: 86,525 - Reviews: 4745 - Favs: 2,330 - Follows: 1,317 - Updated: 2/15/2010 - Published: 9/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Emperors of Washington by gallantcorkscrews reviews
Edward is a killer. But it can't be explained away by his vampire nature. He's just a sociopathic, human teenager. CAN I MAKE A LOVE STORY OUT OF THIS? ExB.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 36,778 - Reviews: 2550 - Favs: 1,821 - Follows: 1,054 - Updated: 12/4/2009 - Published: 8/27/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Trip Home by mskathy reviews
When Bella takes a long overdue trip back to Forks, an unexpected detour helps her find her way home. AU/AH ExBxJ M for adult themes and lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 39 - Words: 223,360 - Reviews: 5777 - Favs: 3,871 - Follows: 2,082 - Updated: 11/20/2009 - Published: 11/28/2008 - Complete
Faking It by spanglemaker9 reviews
Half of Hollywood's most famous couples are faking it. That's how Bella Swan's publicist convinces her to pretend to date troubled Hollywood bad boy Edward Cullen. And she'll do anything for her band and her music.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 32 - Words: 144,679 - Reviews: 5743 - Favs: 9,429 - Follows: 3,151 - Updated: 10/30/2009 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Tuesday Night Poker by LauraACullen reviews
One-Shot "For the Love of Jasper" contest entry. Lifelong friends Jasper, Edward, and Emmett find themselves alone for their weekly poker game, which quickly evolves into something quite unexpected. All Human, Slash, Adult themes.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,170 - Reviews: 161 - Favs: 356 - Follows: 67 - Published: 9/27/2009 - Jasper, Edward - Complete
Scotch, Gin, and the New Girl by wtvoc reviews
Les Liaisons Dangereuses, je crois. We were Cruel Intentions. We are Gossip Girls. We do not care. At all." all-human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 115,359 - Reviews: 3878 - Favs: 3,953 - Follows: 1,808 - Updated: 7/31/2009 - Published: 9/27/2008 - Complete
Bella Swan: Kidnapper by Kambria Rain reviews
Um. Hi. I don’t really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 74,736 - Reviews: 8711 - Favs: 14,175 - Follows: 2,938 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Red Line by WinndSinger reviews
Edward is an exotic male dancer. Bella is a college student studying psychology and needs a subject to do her thesis on. Bella pays Edward to belong to her for 2 weeks so she can study him. Things soon get very interesting between them.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 40 - Words: 351,671 - Reviews: 19444 - Favs: 12,199 - Follows: 5,576 - Updated: 5/1/2009 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Edward, Bella