Author has written 3 stories for Twilight.
Hey, I'm Hannah and I'm 15
TeamJacob2010 & HollieeLovee you guys rock!! :P
Life's a climb
Love, secrets and lies
okay so Elena and Kiara are kind of identical but there are some things that are different
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your services. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that god damned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
You can't have everything...where would you put it?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
The news presenter is the person that says good evening and then tells you why it's not.
If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.
Money is not everything, there is always master card.
Love the neighbor, just watch out for the husband.
Children in the backseat cause accidents, Accidents in the backseat cause children
If aliens are looking for intelligent life WHY ARE YOU SCARED?!
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes
The person who said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75 of the world's population.
if it weren't for elecrticity, we'd all be watching TV by candle light
im the kinda girl to laugh at something that happened... yesterday
I swear to drunk I'm not God
Nobody ever died of laughter.
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.
Its the friends you can call at 4am that matter.
A friend would offer their umbrella to you but a best friend would steal yours and shout run bitch run!
A friend would bail you out of jail but a best friend would be in the cell next to you saying 'that was freakin awesome let's do it again'.
If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!
If you have ever said ‘cross over to the dark side. We have cookies!’ to someone you know, copy this into your profile