Poll: If I hypothetically write a Hetalia multi-chapter story, what America pairings would you like? Vote Now!
Author has written 75 stories for Harry Potter, Total Drama series, iCarly, X-Men: Evolution, Yours, Mine, and Ours, DC Superheroes, Runaways, Static Shock, Teen Titans, Lord of the Rings, Justice League, Hetalia - Axis Powers, South Park, Tokyo Mew Mew, X-overs, Smallville, Invader Zim, Code Lyoko, X-Men: The Movie, Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Avengers, and Merlin.
Update: Thank you for those who have reviewed This is How the World Ends, The Devil's Alphabet, iThink, Colors, Dog Days of August, Witchblood, Final Countdown, Next, Migraine, The Secret Life of Henry McCoy, Frankenstein's Monster, Viva la Vida, Cryo, Of Claws and Teeth, Neutrality, At the Speed of Light, Visiting the New World, Irony, The Ties That Bind Are Red, Over and Over, All We Need Is Love, A Smile A Day, Butterfly, Sugar, Baby, Ma Chérie Anna Marie, Devil in Disguise, Infinitesimal, The Dance, Cold as Ice, Time, Love the Way You Lie, Eat Pray Suck, Forbidden, Be a Man, Clockwork Angel, The High Road, The Low Road, Winter Joy, Homecoming Queen, A is for After, A New World, Early Morning Mischief with Alex Masters, Merry Mornings, Obsessed, Red Robin, Sharada, Smokes, The Fallen, The True Lord of the Lightning, Violet, Welcome to My Nightmare, Dursleys' Demented, Adventures in Single Motherhood, Asleep, Unrequited, When He Was Good, and Book of Adam: Swan Song Redux. It is great to know that people are reading the stories I publish on this website. So, thank you for the reviews! Seriously, you guys rock!
Update: My regular computer just crashed, and I probably won't be able to access the files that contain the stories I planned on posting. Terribly sorry for the inconvenience.
Update: Sorry I haven't been updating a lot lately; I've been really busy, but I am going to update more soon, so sit tight, the stories will come! Eventually. . . (Hey, this sums up everything!)
--Hi there, peoples! My pen-name's Eve-the-Charlotte, my real name's none of your concern, and it is truly a wonderful day to be alive! And that is a big ol' run-on sentence (not really, I think). So, here's my profile, hope you enjoy.
Quotes that I know and people will probably skip over because they don't care, unless they're like me and have no life whatsoever and actually take time to read the damn things:
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, sit back, and let the world wonder how the hell you did it.-Unknown
I didn't fall for you, you tripped me!-Unknown
Don't take life so seriously, it's not like you'll be getting out alive.-Unknown
Damn, Unknown's got some the best little advice sayings in the whole effing universe. A lot of funny shit, too.-Me
Zombies-Nature's way of pissing off science.-Unknown
Damn is my favorite written swear word, what's yours?-Me
Silence may be golden, but ductape is definitely silver.-Unknown
I wanna blow shit up with my mind.-Unknown
How about a nice cup of shut the fuck up.-Unknown (My answer to people before 0900 hours)
I am the Dread Pirate Roberts-your mom!
Work like you don't need the money. Love like no one has ever hurt you. Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. And live like this is paradise on Earth.-Unknown (Very profound!)
When I'm happy, I cry. When I'm sad, I cry. When I'm angry, I cry. I think I have some sort of hormonal imbalance.-Me (Too much estrogen in this girl. And, yes, I am female, can't you tell. Well, can't you!? *goes off to cry* Damn it!)
It rubs lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.-Eric Cartman, South Park
GODZIRRA!!-Random Japanese mob persons
Explosives Technician-If you see me running, try to keep up!-Unknown
Screw world peace, I want a pony!-Unknown
Instant Human, just add coffee-Unknown My family in the morning :)
If you can read this, you are within roundhouse kick range-Unknown
G_ F_CK Y_RS_LF. Care to buy a vowel?-Unknown
Mary had a little lamb. I ate it with mint sauce.-Unknown
Bad spellers of the world, UNTIE!-Unknown
I would tell you to go to hell, but I work there, and I don't want to see you everyday.-Unknown
333, I'm only half-evil-Unknown
Apple: I keep the doctor away!
Banana: I make fat people slip!
Grenade: I destroy infidels!-Unknown
I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk.-Unknown
667-Neighbor of the Beast-Unknown
People think it must be fun to be smart, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots of the world.-Unknown (So, so true.)
I love math! 11=11!-Unknown (Yay for people who really suck at math!)
Kneel before Zod!-Dru-Zod, Superman series
Bombing for peace is like fcking for virginity.-Unknown
I'm a little annoying like the Black Plague was a little cough.-Nightcrawler's Shadow (You rock!)
That movie has warped my fragile little mind.-Eric Cartman, South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.
Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
I don't listen to hip-hop!-Chef, Random Army General, South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.
Throw the switch, Mr. Garrison!
Hey, I'm supposed to be anonymous!-Mrs. Broflavski, Mr. Garrison, South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.
Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
You Bastards!-Stan, Kyle, South Park.
"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God, you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed it's war dept creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?"
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too."
"A bit of advice...don't ever apologize to no one for the way you look"
"Why So Serious"
Wolverine: "I know what you're thinkin', punk. Question is: 'Can I get Wolverine before he turns me into shih kabob with those claws?' Now bub, seein' that those claws are adamantium, the strongest metal known, and can slice through vanadium steel like a hot knife through butter, buddy, you gotta ask yourself: do I feel lucky?"
Wolverine: "I go where I wanna go..."
Wolverine: "Somebody wake me up from this nightmare, 'cause I've gotta be dreaming. Who do these genius spy catchers think they're dealing with? Winnie the Pooh?"
Wolverine: "Why do they always give the guns to the stupid guys?"
Wolverine: "@#ING UNICORNS!"
Wolverine: "Like my name-sake, I'm fast an' I'm mean, an' when I get mad -- people get hurt!!"
Wolverine: "A man comes at me with his fists, I'll meet him with fists. But if he pulls a gun - or threatens people I'm protectin' - then I got no sympathy for him."
Wolverine: "I am afraid to be alone with my own thoughts. I'm afraid of my own memories."
Wolverine: "Before setting out on revenge, first dig ten graves. Saves time later."
Wolverine: "I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice."
Wolverine: "You ain't seen a kill-frenzy until you've seen me get mad!"
"The Founding Fathers, in their wisdom, decided that children were an unnatural strain on parents. So they provided jails called schools, equipped with tortures called education." (Updike, John)
Stop, Drop, and Roll doesn't work in hell.
Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. And at the worst possible moment.
Suicide is a way of telling God, "You can't fire me! I quit!"
Congratulations, you fail at life.
Sticks and stones might break my bones...but a 50 foot fall will kill ya'll!
Every piece of paper has two sides...unless you use magic marker. Then you're screwed.
I use to have super powers, but then my therapists took them away.
I'm not late. I'm just early for tomorrow.
I hear voices and they don't like you.
Smile: it confuses the enemy.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.
Kinda hard not to be a smartass when you're talking to dumbasses all the time.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
You look familiar. Have I threatened you before?
Huh. Sanity. What would I do with something as useless as that? Lucky for me I never had any such thing
Those that ignore history are doomed to repeat it; those who studied history are doomed to know it's repeating.
No one leaves this world a virgin, 'cause fate screws you over.
I'm only afraid of knives when you're holding them.
I'm too tired to tell the truth.
I'm up, I'm dressed, what more do you want?
I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard; be evil.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all shut the hell up.
I have ADD, Attention Def-OMG! It's a butterfly!
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
Of course violence isn't the answer. 'Violence' is the question and 'yes' is the answer
Tell me your sob story... I need a good laugh.
That which doesn't kill you... Will probably try again
Sorry, no assholes allowed
Sometimes it's not a good idea to question your friend, just help them dump the body in the river and walk away
If carrots were drugged, bunnies would be fucked up
I didn't move up the fuckin' food chain to eat god damn carrots, so shut the fuck up, vegatarians!
Fuck politics, I just wanna burn shit down.
You say "weird" like it's a bad thing.
I'm so hot, I make fire Stop, Drop, and Roll.
Pardon me, but you've mistaken me for someone who actually gives a damn.
I'm sorry, they had to remove part of my soul to make room for more sarcasm.
What drugs are you on? And can I have some?
You're just jealous 'cause the voices talk to me and not you.
Just smile and wave.
Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.
This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force.
Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Warning: Survivors will be shot again
Always forgive your enemies... Nothing annoys them so much.
If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years.
If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
I want revenge. Is that so wrong?
I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser.
Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!"
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
How can I miss you if you don't go away?
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.
I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?
I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.
It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with.
The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.
So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.
Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.
Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Tell the truth and run.
Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.
This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public, and people still love us!
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.
When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.
I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes four muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head.
Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
"Love your enemies! It really pisses them off"
I’ve got problem for your solution…
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
"When all else fails blow shit up."
"I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly"
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
"Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again"
To put it nicely, I hope you choke
"True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream"
Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn
If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.
Don't take it personally... but you smell like an ice cube
"Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over."
"God made man, and then he said, 'I can do better than that,' and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns
"Wal-Mart, do they, like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton
"I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters
"Man must wait long time with mouth open for roast duck to fly in." - ancient Chinese proverb
Dealing with television network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks."- Eric Sevareid
“I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." --Jasper Carrott
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." --Will Rogers
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it." –Unknown
"Perfection is a waste of time." --Kim De Coite
Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work?' Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?'" –Unknown
"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable." –Unknown
"That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy." --Nora Ephron
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook
"A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." Herm Albright
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown
“He who laughs last didn't get it.” – Unknown
“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown
"Americans worship money. I have been looking for God all my life, and He is right in my pocket." -Chris Rock
Firefighter: At one point, we decided to fight fire with fire... Well... basically... your house burned even faster.
Don't own, originally from Raptor-Chick and Hazel-Star.
1. Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.
2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public
5. Do not go out in public.
6. Disregard above note.
7. Perform numbers 1 to 4. Note expressions.
8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9. Floor is slippery when wet.
10. Lake is slippery when dry.
11. Only talk to strangers you know.
12. Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.
13. For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.
14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15. Kill them for security purposes.
16. Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
18. The men in white coats are not your friends.
19. Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.
20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.
21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24. Always remember, um... um... Damn.
25. Train army of flying monkeys.
26. Goldfish don't like milk.
27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28. Find out who invented the word "pianoist".
29. People are staring at you.
30. So act insane.
31. People are weird, but not as weird as me.
32. Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.
33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.
34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible.
35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.
36. Never pet a wild dog.
37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.
38. Naked men dig parkas.
39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
40. You know what would look good on you?
41. Immolated cockroaches.
42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.
43. The size of Danny DeVito.
44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. OO
45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46. Stalking is fun. Do it more.
47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"
48. No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.
49. That way is rum.
50. Constipated people don't give a sh-t.
52. You cannot kill the snow.
53. The snow can kill you.
54. Grass can also kill you.
55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...
56. Catch and castrate leprechaun.
57. HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.
58. Staple paper in the middle of the page.
59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.
61. Pretend to be so around the n00bs.
62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.
63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
64. Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.
65. Remember to kill HIM...
66. Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.
68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.
69. Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.
70. Hide the bodies, otherwise peole ask embarressing questions.
71. Eat the evidence.
72. But not if it's broken glass.
73. When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.
74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.
75. Disregard last note.
76. Note reactions.
77. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
78. Stock up on ball point pens.
79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.
80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
81. Do not stick fingers into blender.
82. Blender... Bad... Ouch.
83. Blood loss is bad.
84. Find way to re-attatch fingers.
85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.
86. Answer every question with a question.
87. Ask people what gender they are.
88. Note reactions.
89. Refer to people as "mortal".
90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.
91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
92. Start by drowning them in fire ants.
93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.
94. Kill them.
96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.
97. Dunk head in boiling water.
98. Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.
99. Gullible IS written on the ceiling!
100. Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.
When you talk to yourself, you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine.
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
Your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
No matter where you are in a room, you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
You have strange nicknames and can tell a detailed story about how you got them.
You tell stories in your head, as if you're writing it down.
When someone asks you something about a book or its characters, you go off on a half-hour tangent about a plot-bunny that came into your head about said character/book.
You already know who your first book is going to be dedicated to.
When someone asks you what you want to be when you get older, there's no hesitation when you automatically reply, "a novelist."
You get sidetracked easily and often break off mid-conversation to talk about something else, but can sit and read/write for hours on end, no matter how much chaos is happening around you.
You don't want kids, because they would take away from your reading/writing time.
You put off homework/going to work so that you can finish reading/writing a story.
You talk about WWII/Nazis in class and start thinking about Grammar Nazis and how much you hate them.
Computer Related Random Things
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
If you think that writing fanfics are fun, put this in your profile!
If you're a slash fan, copy and paste this to your profile.
I've got a little thing to say to all my friends:
My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile
This, the thing below, will guide you through life.
A Good and Best Friend:
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.
A good friend has a long, normal conversation with you. A best friend has a pointless conversation with you that lasts all night and still has you laughing the next day.
A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.
15 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Wal-Mart
1-wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf
2-Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one.
3-Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price
4-Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some "musical devices"
5-when the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!"
6-start a fish stick fight
7-walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!"
8-(this requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming "The British are coming!!"
9-walk up to an employee and murmur "code red in aisle 3" and see what they do
10-slip a bra and a lacey pink thong into a really macho-looking man's cart (just make sure he doesn't have any girls with him)
11-attempt to fly off a high shelf
12-throw confetti on random people walking into the store
13-whisper "I know your "little secret"' to people in the checkout line
14-stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section
15-walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...They want me to take you away...to aisle 8..
MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. (I have proven this)
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair!).
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (well no shit Sherlock!)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a cup of noodles: "WARNING: product may be hot when ready" (Apparently we use ice cubes to cook noodles nowadays.)
A newspaper headline read: FIVE MEN DO THE WORST THING EVER. And then there was nothing more on the subject but a picture of a jail. Anyone else curious what the 'worst thing ever' is?
A computer packaging label read "WARNING! Contents are liable to overload. HANLDLE WITH CAUTION!". Don't computers need to be plugged in to overload in the first place?
On a package of sesame seed burger buns: "NOTE: ingesting sesame seeds will not cause sesame plants to grow in your stomach". Do I even need to say ANYTHING after that?
this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is an cat
this is idiot cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on.
My name is Sarah, I am but three. My eyes are swollen, I can not see,
I must be stupid, I must be bad. What else could of made my daddy so mad?
I wish I were better, I wish I weren't ugly. Then maybe my mommy would still want to hug me
I can't speak at all, I can't do a wrong or else I'm locked up all the day long
When I awake I'm alone, the house is dark; my folks aren't home
When my mommy does come, I'll try and be nice; so maybe I'll get just one whipping tonight
Don't make a sound! I just heard a car. My daddy is back, from Charlie's Bar
I hear him curse, my name he calls. I press myself against the wall.
I try and hide from his evil eyes. I'm so afraid now, I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping, he shouts ugly words. He says its my fault he suffers at work
He slaps me and hits me and yells at me more. I finally get free and run for the door
He's already locked it, I start to bawl. He takes me and throws me against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor with my bones nearly broken. And my daddy continues with more bad words spoken
"I'm sorry" I scream, but now its much too late. His face has been twisted into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain, again and again. Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops, and heads for the door, while I lay there motionless, sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah, I am but three.
Tonight my daddy murdered me.
Stop child abuse! It's wrong.
If you like being different and don't care what those jerks at school say put this on your profile and add your name below: Shadow Kitty 22, -Gasp- Dead Deer, Nightcrawler's Shadow, Eve-the-Charlotte,
Lunar Chasmodai's Eleven Commandments of Fanfiction (subject to alteration)
1) Worship thy Spell Check and thy Grammar Check, for they are thy Lord and Master.
2) Typing fanfiction in pink underwear is okay.
3) If there is no plot, that's okay. If there is no porn, that's okay. If there's no porn and no plot...
4) Thou shalt not speak ill of Pairings, merely leave That Place and never return.
5) Thou shalt not regularly use Numb3rs in thy Text, for it is Tacky.
6) Thou shalt neither enable the Bad Writers nor Flame them, merely attempt to help them become better.
7) Thou shalt not create Mary Sues, for They will bring Downfall to the Fandom.
8) Thou shalt avoid the use of Otaku Wapanese at all costs unless absolutely necessary. That is to say, Most Holy Satire.
9) Thou must make attempts to befriend other Writers in the Community.
10) Leave Reviews. Reply to Reviews. Always.
11) Write as you want, not as others want you to write.
The above is truth. Obey it, fool, so commands Mr. T!
Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God! ftw?
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
.eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI
Fun Things To Do In An ELEVATOR!
1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"
2) When the elevator doors shut, reassuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"
3) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut UP!"
4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.
5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
11) Meow occasionally.
12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"
18) Say "Ding!" at each floor.
19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"
A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love.
Even when you can’t see him God is there! If you believe in God, copy/paste this into your profile.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool!
YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY WHEN...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or MySpace.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
Copy and Paste:
Be Against Abortion!
You know what Mommy
You went to the doctor today.
I can hear that doctor again.
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
If you're against abortion, re-post this
A life is a life
born or unborn
perfect or imperfect
blind or not blind
deaf or able to hear
young or old
God didn't give it to us just to get
rid of it ourselves by
murder or abortion
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL
10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks.
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.
The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."
Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone.
I AM IN SIRIUS DENIAL! SIRIUS IS NOT DEAD! AND I WILL NOT LET YOU SAY OTHERWISE!
If all the world were apple pie,
And all the seas were ink,
And all the trees were bread and cheese,
What should we have for drink?
"Well-then-what-are-we-gonna-do-Smarty-Pants?"-Pietro, Of Second Shots and Summer Plots, by Mrs. Jean Grey-Summers
"I am legend."-Most awesome book quote ever.
"Ugh, goddamnit! Your mom!"
"Stupid website won't let me find an awesome Harry Potter story!"
"What's it about?"
"Harry turning evil and raping-"
"OMG! Evil computer! DIE!!"-this is a conversation between one of my friends and I, me being the one trying to find the story and my friend ending up to try to destroy the computer I was using. Maybe this is why my friends don't read HP fanfiction.
Girls don’t realize these things;
But most of all
Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there are never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes that mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'.
(\ _ /)
This is Mr. Bunny. Isn't he the cutest?
If you plan to be one of the best writers in the world some day, and know you can do it, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you constantly forget what you're about to say and are about to say, and I mean CONSTANTLY, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you DON'T check under your bed for monsters, but you DO check behind your shower curtain for monsters/ murderers/ Michael Jackson, copy and paste this on your profile. I do.
93 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy and paste this on your profile if you are part of the 7 percent that would be LAUGHING THEIR BUTT OFF!
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx, Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc. BookWormBandGeek, chocoholic123, beautyfrompain,Eve-the-Charlotte.
If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this on your profile.
If someone has ever said something to you that had NOTHING to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this onto your profile.
Did you know that electronic Elmos are just evil hobgoblin spirits in disguise?
Did you know that Disney World is just a human trap run by a mouse, and that one day that mouse, that happens to go by the name of Mickey, will one day trap us all with a free ticket day and then take over the world with his other animated cartoon friends?
If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a bag of Fritos:
Shadow's and Knight's Theory on the creation of dodge ball: We believe that in places like Rome or maybe Greece, they would put criminals in stadiums and then throw rocks at them. So our guess is Dodge ball derives from stoning people to death. Do you agree? Yes.
Where am I? - Paula Abdul
"If I'd had a normal life, I'd quite cheerfully go mad and fall over right now. But as I've lead an utterly ridiculous life, I'd have to say that we're apparently surrounded by alternate timeline versions of ourselves." (Nightcrawler, Excalibur #103)
Kurt: "I'll agree to you staying on the team. But if you ever-"
Remember there's a light at the end of every tunnel; just make sure it’s not a train. - Unknown.
The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY! - Unknown
I'm the girl who will burst out laughing in a dead silent room because of something that happened yesterday! - Unknown
If you can't be cool, be feared...my Mama always used to tell me that. - Toad (X Men: Evolution)
We humans fear the beast within the wolf because we do not understand the beast within ourselves. - Gerald Hausman
If music is the food of love...play on. - William Shakespeare
You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same. - Unknown
Men aren't worth your tears and the one who is won't make you cry. - Unknown
The closer you get to the light, the bigger your shadow becomes. - Unknown
Vertical - So vertical there is no horizontal. - Unknown
I am a pink flamingo on the great lawn of life. - Unknown
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." - Unknown.
"There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or you suck.” - Unknown
"Be a loser because 'cool' is overrated" - unknown
"Sometimes you need to be strong
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."- Unknown
"We may not make good decisions but hell, we make good stories."- Unknown
"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "- Bill Gates
"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "- unknown
"Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make good exercise."- Unknown
"Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face, when you push them down a flight of stairs.” - Unknown
"Women are like teabags, you never know how strong they are until they're put in hot water."- Unknown
"I like nonsense; it wakes up the brain cells."- Unknown
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."- Albert Einstein
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."- Unknown
"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits."- Unknown (Hell yeah!)
"Never memorize something that you can look up."- Unknown
"Your a good friend and all, but if the zombies come- I’m SO tripping you" -unknown
"Books never hurt anyone until you get hit by one" - kenshinlover13
Writing and playing Sims is just another way of saying you like playing God. -Nightcrawler's Shadow (Pretty much, yeah)
My father always used to say that, when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side. - Unknown
It is curious—curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.
Strength and courage aren't always measured in medals and victories. They are measured in the struggles they overcome. The strongest people aren't always the people who win, but the people who don't give up when they lose. - Ashley Hodgeson
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. -Dale Carnegie
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." - Milton Berle
It's not that you’re not supposed to live, you’re just supposed to be evil!" - Unknown
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives you apples, get pissed, throw a fit and demand that you get lemons instead." - Unknown
"What you've just said is the most insanely idiotic thing I have ever heard. At no point were you even close to something that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it." - Billy Madison (How I feel in school, sometimes)
I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned! - Chickens Everywhere
I don't wait for windows of opportunity, I just destroy the walls. -Nightcrawler's Shadow
Tough times never last, but tough people do. - Robert H. Schuller
Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to! Mine's going to say: Phoebe Buffay, buried alive. - Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe Buffay on FRIENDS
Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. - Kurt Cobain
No one grows up. They just learn how to act in public. - Unknown
If I had no sense of humour then I would have committed suicide long ago - Mahatma
Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. - unknown
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them. - unknown
Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise - unknown
If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun. - Unknown
Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them- unknown
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. - Unknown
There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives. - Unknown
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. - Unknown
That news traveled faster than heroin through an addict’s veins. - unknown
This is Latin 101. I reserve the right to overload your tiny little brain at my own discretion." Prof. Carolin Hardin, U of L
Don’t make me get my flying monkeys!”-unknown
Racism is wrong and never fails to destroy people in the long run. We are all children of God and in that aspect we are the same, even if we look different. If you are against racism, copy and paste this in your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile.
Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc., copy this into your profile. Did you know that to get the fur, they club, drown, and anal electrocute the poor animals. And why are they so cruel? Because they don't want to ruin the furs! Now copy this into your freaking' profile!
If George W. Bush is getting on your nerves for various reasons, copy and paste this into your profile. (And he isn't even President any more!)
Every time someone makes a salad, dozens of harmless vegetables lose their lives. So save a life, eat a hamburger!
If you really dislike homophobes saying that yaoi and yuri are unholy and that we're all going to hell, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think plagiarism is a stupid, pointless crime, copy and paste this into your profile, and add your name to the list: PhantomInvader, Nightcrawler's Shadow, Eve-the-Charlotte,
If you realize that this ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you don't believe this statistic, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or the Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "fudge", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile.
If you know the difference between "its" and "it's", copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid and obvious question, copy and past this into your profile
If you've ever answered a rhetorical question, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever pushed on a door that said pull, or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile
Too many people have died because of other's "needs" of fame and fortune. If you care, copy and paste this into your profile
I want child abuse to stop. If you do too, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever had a "yeah whatever..."moment, copy and past this into your profile
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list. SlightlyBroken (come on someone else has to have done this before too), Katerina, Gaara ish my sexeh beast, SlytherinXprincessX16, XxSandVillageGirlxX, LinkFangirl01, Nightcrawler's Shadow, Eve-the-Charlotte,
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb-war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in X Men (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you fill up the tab separators in your binders with doodles/love notes/confessions of love/any other X Men related thing you can think of about X Men or the X Men characters. Crazy is when you can open up an X Men comic and know exactly which part you're at by reading one bubble. Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny. Crazy is when you have OKD (Obsessive Kurt Disorder). Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!” Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence. Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it. Crazy is when you laugh at someone doing an ordinary thing like combing their hair. Crazy is when you can write a very thick biography about your favorite X-men character. Crazy is when you randomly shout out CHOCOLATE just to make your friend laugh. Crazy is when you sing the Muffin Song for an hour straight. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!
The Muffin Song:
Very BERRY CHERRY MERRILY MARRIED MUFFINS!!
Stuffy Snappy Whoppy Muffins
MUTANT PLOT MUFFINS!!
Crazy Undercover Detective Muffins
Vampire muffins that like to suck the blood out of the human muffins!
Slomping muffins that also like to stomp!
Unwillingly frozen muffins
Police Officer muffins that give the speeding muffins tickets!
The Muffin Song is by Sarcastic Ninja, who owns all rights to it. I just like it!
If you wish Miley would quit Disney, dump the blond wig, and get with a real record label, put this on your profile.
Once upon a time there was a girl who was beautiful, smart, strong, and perfect in every way. She went on Total Drama Island and was friends with everyone but Heather and Courtney, because they're bitchez. Duncan fell in love with her, and they're SOULMATES!! If you hate the Mary-Sue TDI fangirls, and all they're awful fanfiction, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Noah is in the closet, paste this to your profile
If you think Geoff is ruining (or will ruin) Bridgette's life by making out with her so much, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you hate immature Mary-Sue fangirls, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you can't understand what's so special about GwenxTrent, copy and paste this onto your profile, and hope GxT fans don't kill you.
If you think the producers forgot about LindsayxTyler being canon, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think Sadie needs to put more clothes on, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you love GwenxGeoff, put this on your profile. If you don't, watch "Trial By Tri-Armed Triathalon" again.
If you watched an episode of TDI (season 1) with Bridgette, and are freaking amazed how much Geoff has changed her, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you believe in God, paste this into your profile.
If you believe in Jesus, paste this into your profile.
If you're Anti-Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you now believe in were leopards, copy and paste this onto your profile.
"If the multitude of mankind knew of my existence, they would do as you do, and arm themselves to for my destruction. Shall I not then hate them who abhor me? I will keep no terms with my enemies. I am miserable, and they shall share my wretchedness."Frankenstein's Creature
"If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key."The Grinch
"My dreams were all my own; I accounted for them to nobody; they were my refuge when annoyed - my dearest pleasure when free."Mary Shelley
"People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy... and I keep it in a jar on my desk."Stephen King
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."Edgar Allan Poe
"I like to deal with EVERY aspect of our condition, and that means terror and humor in equal mix. Some books have more room for humor than others."Dean Koontz
"Though she be but little she is fierce."William Shakespeare
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”Dr. Seuss
"Who, Me? Why I'm The Cat in the Hat, there's no doubt about that. I'm a super fundiferous feline, who's here to make sure that you're...”meline"...”key lime"...”turpentine". I got nothing! I'm not so good with the rhyming, not really, no. Look, I'm a cat that can talk that should be enough for you people!"The Cat in the Hat
"This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll whisper "no.""Rorschach
"Did someone say chimichanga? Never mind. That was just the sound of my skull and brains healing."Deadpool
"I really like to mess with Disney. Seriously, slashing it up is fun and pairing Jim Hawkins with Ariel, Ling with Mulan, and LeFou with Belle? Classic." -Me!
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was
born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When
I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you
go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says, ‘If you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.’
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.
The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.
She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'
His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'
'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'
Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''
'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
'My mommy loves white roses.'
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.
I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.
And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
1) Repost this message, or
It happened just last week.
I was walking home from a friend’s house. I’ll admit it was late. I could have called my dad for a ride, but I only lived five minutes away.
As I came to the road, I looked both ways and saw nothing. I stepped forward.
I hadn’t taken more than two steps when a blinding light came rushing towards me. I was stuck. I couldn’t move. It was as though I had been glued to the road. The last thing I saw was the man driving. His eyes were bloodshot, tired…and in his hand was a bottle of beer.
Now, I lay in a hospital bed.
My back, legs and wrists are broken, as are several ribs.
My lung is punctured, it’s hard to breathe.
There is a large gash down one arm.
I’ve lost so much blood.
I always feel weak, tired.
I need help to eat.
I’m always in pain.
There are several tubes attached to my arms and chest.
I have several bandages and plasters.
I am hooked on a life support machine.
I’m glad they’re going to do it. My family knows the pain I’m in. They visit me everyday.
They’ll come to my side.
I’m grateful to them. They give me company, made the pain more bearable, but they know that I have no hope. I have had too much damage. Without the machine my heart will cease and my lungs will stop working.
...they’re going to pull the plug.
I know that I will die.
I know that I’m a hopeless case.
And accept it.
I lay gazing at the plain, white ceiling of the hospital ward, knowing it may be the last thing I ever see.
Copy and paste this if you hate alcohol and especially if you are against drinking and driving.
Now, on a lighter note, more quotes:
Reese’s Pieces, Coco Puff, mess with me; I’ll fuck you up.
One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
A good friend will say, "If you fall, I'll help you up." A best friend will say, "If you fall, I'm going to laugh so hard."
A good friend will call you on your birthday and wish you the best. A best friend will call and say, "You will die in seven days."
A friend will visit you if you're in jail. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be in the cell sitting next to you and say, "Dude! That was AWESOME! Let's do that again!"
If practice makes perfect and no one's perfect, why practice?
I called your brother gay and he hit me with his purse!
I'm nobody. Nobody's perfect; therefore, I'm perfect.
Saw it. Wanted it. Threw a fit. Got it.
You remind me of my husband except you're not buried in the backyard.
That's "Queen Bitch" to you.
There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
The statistics on insanity are that 1 of every 4 people has some kind of mental illness. Look at your three best friends; if they're okay, then it's you.
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.
My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.
When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.
The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid
If you can't laugh at yourself make fun of other people.
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Here is where you are
There is where you want to be
But you can't get there from here
Various Forms of Capitalism, with a New Cow Model:
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC -- You have 2 cows. You shred all documents that Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows, and attest that Enron has 9 cows.
Homer Simpson Quotes
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle - they're on TV!
Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.
Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.
What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
Lisa, vampires are make believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
Save me, Jeebus!
Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!
Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.
I don't hate your mother, I just won't be sad when she dies.
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain - remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually!
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You’re making a scene'.
I'm a 'Spalding Gray' in a 'Rick Dees' world.
Donut...is there anything they can't do?
Trying is the first step toward failure.
Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything!
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car!
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
It's like something out of that "twilighty" show about that zone.
Marge, you being a cop makes you the man - which makes me the woman; and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which (as we discussed) is strictly a comfort thing.
Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love...
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers?
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close!
Beer - now THERE'S a temporary solution.
How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's His Name? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those "Police Academy" movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing - did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze.
Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
You're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!
Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'
I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight!
Apu, you got any Skittle Brau? Never mind, just give me some Duff and a pack of Skittles.
You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.
Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Extended warranty? How can I lose?
Mmmmmm - 52 slices of American cheese.
Hey, I asked for ketchup - I'm eatin' salad here!
When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, you know like that movie... "Spaceballs". But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy".
I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!
Son, when you participate in sporting events - it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.
God bless those pagans.
Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night!
If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.
Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.
I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
With 10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!
All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
Woo hoo! 350 dollars! Now I can buy 70 transcripts of Nightline!
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14 of people know that.
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.
I hope I didn't brain my damage!
Nuts and gum, together at last!
We'll die together, like a father and son should.
Let us celebrate this agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays!
First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind!
Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer.
Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden.
Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.
You can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup!
I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!
Oh, they have Internet on computers now.
Marge I swear, I never thought that you would find out.
Books are useless: I only ever read one book, "To Kill a Mockingbird" - and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but what good does THAT do me?
Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!
I am so smart, I am so smart, S M R T, I mean S M A R T.
I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. See ya soon!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is. Ellen DeGeneres
My mom was a ventriloquist & she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father. Wendy Leibman
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? Warren Hutcherson
You can get every other flavor except coffee-flavored coffee! They got mochaccino; they got chocaccino, frappaccino, rappaccino, Al Pacino, what the fuck?! Denis Leary
“Obstruction of justice? No sir, we prefer to think of it ‘avoiding complications’.”
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
I'm not crazy; my reality is just different than yours.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
If you plugged your nose and your mouth while you sneezed, would it come out of your ears or would your head explode?
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
What you do on your own time's just fine. My imagination's much worse; I just never want to know.
Patrick: I'm mad. Spongebob: Why's that? Patrick: I can't see my forehead.
I was wondering why Frisbees got bigger as they got closer then it hit me.
Limiting the freedom of news 'just a little bit' is in the same category with the classic example a little bit pregnant.
I didn't vote and I didn't die! Fuck you P. Diddy!
We could all take a lesson from crayons: Some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors; but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
Intelligence is like a river. The deeper it is, the less noise it makes.
Homework is a perpetual cycle of boredom, yet I find it entertaining to finish it at the last moment
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
Did you know that when someone annoys you, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, but it only takes four muscles to extend your arm out and smack'em in the head?
Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Homophobia and You: They're people too! Stop the hate and spread the love!
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
I am the person who has lost the best, most understanding friend I ever had because her parents found out I was bi. (True story, added by BC)
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.
Don't go around saying that the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Humor is reason gone mad.
FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'it’s because your gay isn't it?'
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
REMEMBER WHEN ..
If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl)Pepper Lemon(Roshaun, Ronan) Second Daughter of Eve (Several, not telling.),Phish Tacko (Marty McFly, Klaus Baudelaire, Alex P. Keaton) Sugary Snicket (Danny Phantom/Fenton in my early FFN days, Durza, Dexter Morgan, Sirrus) FanofSnicket (Klaus Bauldalaire!!) Incy Little Spider (Randall off monsters inc.), Beastchicky (beast boy, Beetlejuice, jack spicer, toad (x-men evo), Nightcrawler, quicksilver, Lenny (shark tale), Ssnake, Scarlett (Hero), Reid (Criminal minds), the list goes on), Eve-the-Charlotte (Pyro, Wither, Elongated Man, Interia, Shiv, Jacob Black, Ferret, Fred & Geroge Weasley, Sylar, Mohinder Suresh, Merlin, Arthur Pendragon, Gambit, Forge, Toad, Steve "Leopard", Jimmy Osgood, the list goes on even longer. . . .)
If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "FUUUUDGE!", "CHEEESE!" “PUDDING!” or any variation thereof, put this in your profile.
If you listen to and talk back to the voices in your head and find nothing wrong with it because you know they're there, put this in your profile.
If you have ever yelled at an inanimate object copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever wanted an inanimate object to go die copy and paste this into your profile
If you think homophobia is wrong copy and paste this into your profile
If you think your house is haunted, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you love rain, copy this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Being unique is thinking outside the box, reading between the lines, coloring out of pictures, dancing to the tune of your own drummer, and having a heck of a better time than other people. If you're unique, copy and paste this in your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door.
I'm so gangsta, I carry a squirt gun.
A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it.
When life gives you lemons, squirt the lemons in Life's face
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not
I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Slinky Escalator = Endless fun
''Of course women have a higher tolerance for pain. We have to deal with men.
As we grow up, we learn that the one person that wasn’t supposed to let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame your new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt, because every 60 seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back. Find someone who calls you beautiful instead of hot; who calls you back when you hang up on them; who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the one who kisses your forehead; who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats; who holds your hand in front of their friends. Wait for the one who turns to their friends and says “That’s her.”
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
If Superman's the world's biggest boyscout, why is Batman always the one who comes prepared?
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental
Please select from the following options:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and
If you believe you’ve been possessed, press 6 three times.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
"Russia is... a riddle, wrapped up in a mystery, inside an enigma." - Winston Churchill
"You lack hatred." - Itachi - Naruto
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy
"The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night." - Otto von Bismarck
"The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out the window." - Robert Paul
FANFICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile.
RUSSIA(IVAN BRAGINSKY): MY ANTI-DRUG. Because All will become One with Russia.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile
Recent studies show that 70 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 30 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile
If you have ever choked on air (or any other substance you thought impossible to choke on), copy this in your profile.
A Psychology Major's Prayer
Dear God, why am I on this bike?
-Tino (Finland), Hetalia: Axis Powers fanfic "Treatment"
If you love God with all your heart, and are not afraid to tell the world. and are 100 percent proud of it. copy this into your profile.
Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...
He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...
He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...
He had no army, yet kings feared him...
He won no military battles, yet he conquered the World...
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today
Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...
If you believe in God and Jesus Christ his Son
then copy and paste this in your profile
If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says...
" If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."
And now, on a different note. . .
North Italy (Vargas Feliciano)
() You were bullied a lot in your childhood
(8/10) for North Italy
South Italy (Lovino/Romano Vargas)
(X) You love tomatoes
(8/10) for South Italy
() You're very stoic and serious
(6/10) for Germany
Japan (Kiku Honda)
(X) You're very mature
The United States of America (Alfred F. Jones)
(X) You love hamburgers
(7/10) for America
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland (Arthur Kirkland)
() You like tea
(4/10) for UK
France (Francis Bonnefoy)
(X) You're very affectionate (to family and friends. . .)
(7/10) for France
Russia (Ivan Braginsky)
() You had a very sad childhood.
(5/10) for Russia
China (Wang Yao)
(X) You're very mature
(9/10) for China
Austria (Roderich Edelstein)
(X) You are very well-raised
(8/10) for Austria
Canada (Matthew Williams)
(X) You're often ignored by people
(8/10) for Canada
() You smoke
(6/10) for Cuba
Hungary (Elizabeta Hédeváry)
(X) You have a potty-mouth (What the %&%$ are yo talking about you &% go %& with your *&% mom in a castle so *&* far away no one can hear you &%& mickey mouse &%%!)
(9/10) for Hungary
Prussia (Gilbert Beilschmidt)
() You're quite mean-spirited
(5/10) for Prussia
Sweden (Berwald Oxenstierna)
(X) You wear glasses
(6/10) for Sweden
I’m Chinese, Japanese, and Hungarian! Woo-hoo! If you think this is a fun little quiz, copy and paste, peoples!
"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research." -Unknown
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings." -Unknown
"Pride in oneself is not necessarily egotism if it is justified and tempered with due humanity." -Unknown
Now I know how far you'd go
To be the next freak show,
-American Psycho, Treble Charger
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