if you are reading Ninja of the XIII or know about Kingdom Hearts please vote on my poll. i need more than one vote. if you are a person who voted THANK YOU!! please review (bangs head on wall) REVIEW! REVIEW! you could say this is the worset story EVER, but i will be happy you reviewed. TWO VOTE! PLEASE REVIEW YOU VOTE OR USE MY POLL!
Things a girl needs to know:
1.) How to make food that kicks butt
2.) A boy isn't worth the tears, just let go of him, love doesn't come for a few years yet.
3.) We can do anythign that boys can do, but we take it and make it better than before
4.) Our tears are the most precious things in the world, don't show them to anyone you don't care about.
5.) We are flexible and beautiful, don't call yourself ugly or fat!
6.) Make us mad, you better prepare to met your maker!
7.) Girls are way better ninja's than boys
8.) We don't need men to protect us, we can kick butt already!
Tell her how you admire her. Always tell her you love her at all times. When she’s upset hold her tight. Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with. Play with her hair. Pick her up tickle her and wrestle with her. Just talk to her. Tell her jokes. Bring her flowers just because. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Throw pebbles at her window at night. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Sing to her no matter how awful you sound. Get her mad at you. Then kiss her. Give her piggy back rides. Push her on swings. Tell her she looks beautiful. When she’s sad, stay on the phone with her, even if she’s not saying anything. Look into her eyes and smile. Kiss her on her forehead. Slow dance with her even if there is no music. Kiss her in the rain. And when you fall in love with her…tell her
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet and so are you!
The roses have wilted,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
and my dagger's stained red.
THINGS TO PONDER:
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
Who's the fool who said "nothing's impossible"? They never tried slamming a revolving door...
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
-Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
-Please select from the following options menu:
-If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
-If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
-If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
-If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
-If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
-If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
-If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
-If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
-If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
-If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
-If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
-If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
-If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.
16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance to the Prophecy".
7.Don’t use any punctuation.
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Specify that your drive thru order is "To Go"
10. Sing Along at the Opera
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON I WON!!"
14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they’re loose!!
15. Tell your children over diner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It’s called therapy.
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
to the top
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Highlight what applies to you (when you read mine, remember i am a girl)
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/stick. (Depends how lazy i am but i usally don't)
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink. (Barf)
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport. (I don't really care)
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. (i don't even own one)
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars (I like the Wookey(the big hairy one) and R2D2)
You were in gymnastics/dance
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up
You smile a lot more than you should. (i am the person who ALWAYS smilies)
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can. (if i was in a dress it would be kill me now)
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid. (I cut off the hair)
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it. (i like to close my eyes and put makeup on my friend)
Like being the star of every thing (BIG ATTENTION HOG)
Score: 9 out of 25
YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
You love jeans. (i would die without them)
dogs are better than cats(completly)
It's hilarious when people get hurt. (Unless I'm the one who got hurt.)
You've played with/against boys on a team.
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck
You own/ed an X-Box.
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid. (I LOVED THEM AND STILL DO)
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. (the sad part is that is wasn't too long ago)
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night
You love to play fight
Score: 17 out of 25
I should have been born a boy! darn!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
If you like the cold and to walk in the moonlit night,copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever laughed out loud when you were thinking something funny and people looked at you with a weird face,copy this to your profile.
If you have ever been so wrapped up thinking about anime,anime fanart or anime fan fictions that you zone out and come back to reality 5 minutes or later with no idea whats going on,copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever accidentally put your homework in your refrigerator, put this on your profile. I AM REALLLYY STUPID!
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, Neopet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.
When a gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things.
That was totally me!
who do you think is the worest member in the Organization?
(marluxia, pink hair is just creepy)
who is your favorite member?
who's idea was it to let demyx in? and are they sane?
(idk, totally INSANE)
You know something works when it breaks
if you fail say i ment to do that
the only way to prove your evil is with a evil laugh
if i controlled history George Washington would be a pirate
when what your cooking starts foaming and growling you know its done
What to do at an airplane
1) get peanuts then ask the flight attendent if it contains nuts
2) Take over the speaker then burp the abcs
3) run over to a random stranger the say "i have missed you so much" and start hugging them
4) ask the passanger next to you if you're there yet
5) give someone the number to pizza hut then tell them to call you
6) ask a random stranger "where's the money?"
7) 5 minutes after the plane takes ask the flight attendent when they're going to take when they say it has already taken off call them a lair
8) pretend to be asleep then make loud snoreing sounds
9) shout at yourself about why pineapples aren't purple then cry about it
10) shoot spit balls at passengers then when they ask why are doing that call them crazy
Some of the most embarssing things i have done
1) fall off the top of my desk during the spelling bee the start laughing on the floor
2) while walking across a log in P.E. fell into the mud
3) frogot to dribble the basketball in P.E.
4) forgot to leave after lunch then getting lost in the hallways
5) going to the wrong class on first day at middle school
6) Bruning microwaveable popcorn and left the microwave on while it was smoking
7) walk up to a random stranger and start talking to them thinking they are someone i know
8) raming the door down with a toy jeep when i was five
9) tripping over imagineary dust in public
10) accidently prank calling my dad
Abortion is not a right! Abortion kills hundreds of living, yet unborn babies every year!! If you're pro-life,copy and paste this into your profile!
PUT THE MOST EMBARSSESING THINGS YOU HAVE DONE THEM OR IF YOU LAUGHTED AT MINE
Random mind brothering questions
1) if cyclops have one eye why is cyclops not spelled ciclops
2) if the line between instaneity and genuess is so fine how do i know when i have crossed it
3) how will we live through the unicorn invasion when the team up with the killer bunnies
4) if superman can fly why can't i
5) why can't i decide if i am indecisive
6) they say hard work never hurts anyone then why does it hurt me
my fav sayings
1) if life gives you lemonds sell them on ebay
2) when in doubt, use ducktape
3) ducktape the froce of the universe, will you chose the dark side or the use the force
4) 50 sarcasume 50 genus 100 insane
5) if you smile they know you have done something
6) some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty, i smash the glass and say "what glass?"
7) i can't lose my mind i never had one
8) if something doesn't work try again, you can only mess up so many times
9) if the blind lead the blind get someone else who can see
Copy and Paste Stuff
1) If you think that Roxas is not emo, he just looks sad sometimes because he has no clue what's going on, copy this into your profile.
2)If you cried when Demyx faded, copy and paste this into your profile. (I didn't cry but my best friend did and we started screaming and hugging saddly (If anyone asks i am a girl))
3).eliforp ruoy otni etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI
4) There are two types people
People who plant flowers
People who try to plant but kill flowers (TOTALLY ME CAN'T GROW ANYTHING!)
If you are a person who kills flowers then copy and paste this
"Everything has emotion. Without emotion, you'll be a nobody... Just like Vexen!"
there were 3girls
They were looking through peoples
The girl slowly came upon this one
It had creatures in the background and the man
looked like a psycho.
She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was.
Right then, an instant message came up.
SatanStalker: So how do u like my
XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway??
SatanStalker: Well, you should know;
youre looking at my MySpace right now.
XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro??
SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace.
XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make
any sense, how?
SatanStalker: I just do.
Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you.
Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say.
At the time the girl was wearing high
She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what
ever she could. Her and her friend started to get
XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living heck out of me.
SatanStalker: You should be afraid.
SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you
just said about me with your friend like a
They were in shock.
Her friend: Holy crap man just block him
hes a fing psycho!
The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes
SatanStalker: I am.
SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really
matter if you blocked me anyway; it wouldnt stop me
from coming to your house.
XxLoVemExX: What? My house?
SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its
not a problem.
XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out.
SatanStalker: Your screen name says
love me, trust me that wont be a problem.
SatanStalker has just signed off.
The girl and her friend were really
friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone.
They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight.
All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok.
Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was
still in the bathroom and was wondering what was up.
She goes and knocks but no one said
she opens it and finds her friend there on
the ground dead. She started to scream but when she
turned around he was there. News the next morning said that there was one girl dead in the bathroom;
her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head.
If you do not repost this in the next two
minutes here will be three men, one in your
one in your room, and one killing your parents at that
Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for?
Repost or you are going to die!
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted "Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
O.O I better put this on here!! That guy will pay though...
Your One and Only Wish
Do it one by one, don't look ahead!
1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, and green.
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California of Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one.)
Are you done?
If so, scroll down
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red: You are alert and you life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: you are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the one you love.
Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
3. If you're initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and you love life is soon to blossom
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If You were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will for very well for you and you will discover the you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr-June: you will have a strong love relationship that will no long but the memories will last forever
July-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.
5. If you choose...
Black: your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you and you will be glad for the change.
white: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.
8. If you choose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.
9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to you friends and you love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
10. This wish will come true only if you Re-post this bulletin in one hours and it will come true before your next birthday!
Too much of a good thing...
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. (i'm not even white)
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY, TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be a prude
I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly… or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the DEVIL
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self-control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my body.
I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE... So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippie
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan.
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be an OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.
I LAUGH A LOT, so I MUST have an EASY LIFE.
I have always loved this since I read it two years ago and i finally posted it.
To Every Girl:
To every girl that is SCARED to
put her heart out there again,
because she has been HURT
too many times or so badly.
To every girl that has been
because she's not a slut
who gives it up to any guy.
To every girl that
To every girl who
wants to be called
beautiful, not hot.
To every girl that will spend her
whole day looking
for the perfect present for you.
To every girl who gets her heart
broken, because he
chose that bitch instead.
To every girl that would die
to have a decent boyfriend.
To every girl who would just once
like to be treated like a princess.
To every girl that cries at night
because of another heartbreak.
To every girl that won't get
down on her knees open
her mouth just to get a boyfriend.
To every girl that
just wants to hold hands.
To every girl that
kisses him with meaning.
To every girl who
just wishes he cared more.
To every girl who would just
once want a guy to give their
jacket up when they are cold.
To every girl who
just wants him to call.
To every girl who lies
awake at night thinking about him.
To every girl that
just wants to cuddle.
To every girl that
just wants to sleep with
him without having sex.
To every girl who shows how much
she cares and gets nothing back.
To every girl that thought
"maybe this one could be the one."
To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff
when she actually doesn't think it is funny.
To every girl who is just
looking for that one and
only. and is having a rough
time along the way.
To every girl that doesn't want
a guy who just plays with her
emotions but actually cares about
how she feels.
To every girl who wants
words backed up with actions.
To every girl that fell for all the lies
only to find themselves alone in the end.
To every girl that gave her heart away
to have it shoved back in her face.
To every girl that has faith that
"tomorrow will be a better day."
And it will be.
If you are a nice girl put this on you profile under the title : "To every girl."
If you are a guy that thinks every girl should try to think about even a few of these things repost it as "I am looking for this girl" or if u have this girl put this on you profile under the title " I have this girl
No means No
"Can we have sex right now?
Girl: "Can we do what?"
Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?"
Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend..."
Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won't tell."
Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first."
Guy: "I'm not special to you?"
Girl: "You're my friend. That's all."
Guy: looks forward and keeps driving.
5 minutes pass...
Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh.
Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me.".
Guy: tries to kiss her.
Girl: screams, "Would you stop."
Guy: continues trying.
Girl: moves to the back seat
Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl. Starts to kiss her.
Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this."
Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." Moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants.
Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No, don't."
Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get".
Girl: crying, continues to fight.
Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down.
Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!"
Guy: puts his hand over her mouth.
An hour passes...
Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off.
Girl: sits on the corner of the seat, crying.
Guy: looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this. If you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek.
Girl: pulls back, "Just take me home, now."
Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home.
2 months later...
Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my time of the month in 2 months."
Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason."
Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive.
Doctor: "You are pregnant."
The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy in the school(which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her, "I'm telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you."
The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her virginity and got her pregnant...then he lied about it. So completely depressed...the girl commits suicide by drug overdose...
Girls, if this story touched you, put this on your profile under "No means no"
Guys, if this story pisses you off, put this on your profile under "I'll kill any fucker who does this to my girl or any girl"
Drink Driving is bad. (Not Mine)
She was drinking at a party
On a raging New Year's Eve
She had to be home early
She knew she had to leave
"Honey do you need a ride"
Her boyfriend sweetly said
She just smiled back at him
And quickly shook her head
"I've got to leave right now
So I'll just take my car...
But don't you worry, sweetheart
Cause I won't drive too far"
Unaware she'd been drinking,
He watched her drive away
She knew that this was wrong
But she did it anyway
"I only had a couple drinks
I know that I'll survive"
She kept saying in her head
As she went for this short drive
The alcohol took over her
She wasn't thinking straight
She assumed that there was no one
Who'd be driving out this late
She ran all of the stop lights
As she sped along the road
Never thinking of the pain
This night would soon behold
But out of nowhere, came a car
She screamed as headlights flashed
She flew out of the windshield
As both of their cars crashed
She woke up laying on the ground
Sirens screaming in the night
She was bleeding quite a bit
But she knew she'd be alright
With dread, she saw the other car
That had rolled down the hill
She knew this was her fault
As she started feeling ill
But when she saw the body
Tears started falling down
As she looked down to find
Her dead boyfriend on the ground
IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART.
Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
Friend: calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs.
Best friend: calls your parents dad and mom.
Friend: has never seen you cry. Best Friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on.
Friend: comes and visits you in jail.
Best Friend: is sitting with you in the jail cell saying
"holy crap that was fun"
Friend: never asks for anything to eat or drink
Best friend: opens the fridge and makes themself at home
Friend: picks you up when you fall
Best Friend: laughs at you and trips you again
Friend: asks you to write down your number.
Best friend: they ask you for their number (cuz they can't
Friend: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
Best friend: has a closet full of your stuff
Friend: only knows a few things about you
Best friend: could write a biography on your life story
Friend: will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
Best friend: Will beat up the crowd that the friend left you for
Friend: would delete this letter
Best friend: will send this back to me and all of their
You say BABY PINK
I say BLOOD RED
You say HANNAH MONTANA
I say THREE DAYS GRACE
You say ZAC EFRON
I say NARUTO
You say RAP
I say ROCK
You say Im WEIRD
I say YES I AM
92 of the teenage population has moved on to RAP.
If YOU are part of the 8 that still headbang and love rock then put this on ur site!
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage
If you think the word 'floccinaucinihilipilification' is an awesome word, copy this to your profile.
If you're as obsessed with Kingdom Hearts as I am, copy this to your profile
If you think nobodies do to have hearts, copy this to your profile.
If you like copying things to your profile, copy this to your profile
If you think Axel isn't dead and is just on vacation, copy this to your profile.
If you think Demyx is with Axel on vacation and isn't dead as well, copy this to your profile.
If you know Demyx is the hardest boss in Kingdom Hearts when you're fighting him in Hollow Bastion, and have died fighting him on numerous occasions, copy this to your profile.
If you cried when Axel sacrificed himself, copy this to your profile
If you should be doing homework right now... copy and paste this into your profile.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you."
Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration!
"He who laughs last didn't get it." - Unknown
"You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same." - Unknown
"When there's a will, I want to be in it." - Unknown
A friend helps you up when you fall a best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"
A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain a best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"
A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected a best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because you're gay isn't it?"
A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME , LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!"
Friends will ask you why you are crying but best friends already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.
She's my best friend, break her heart and I'll break your face!
I used to be normal, until I met those losers I now call my best friends!
A friend would call you a retard but a best friend would call you one and act like one with you.
A best friend is a girl you can call in the middle of the night and say you killed someone and she would say "Where should we hide the body."
A friend will laugh at you when you play the air guitar a best friend will be standing there next to you doing the drum beat on your head
A friend will know your favorite pop song a best friend will know your sercreatly into death heavy metal
Friends will love your mom, best friends will want to marry your mom so they can officiaclly be your father
A friend will start talking like you, with a best friend it will make no sense when you talk
A friend will try and find you a date to the dance, a best friend will be your date
A friend will tell you "yes you do look good in that dress!" a best friend will be telling you, in detail, how hidious you appear
A friend will take a bullet for you, a best friend will be the one pulling the trigger
A friend know of the guy you like, a best friend knows all twelve of them
A friend will keep track of the guy you like a best friend will track the guy you love
A friend will try and calm you down when your pissed, a best friend will be cracking jokes until your over it
My friends are people who would spend hours trying to drown a fish but I love them to death!
"Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."
"If you can't laugh at yourself make fun of other people"
To put it nicely, I hope you choke
"True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream"
used to be indicisive, now I'm not sure
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape
I like cheese. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, paste this onto your account!
If you think you should be able to watch what you want on TV without being called immature, copy and paste this in your profile.(Scooby Doo is what I like to watch and my brother mocks me for it.)
“They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you stood there and yelled 'BANG' I don't think you'd kill many people.”
“There are very few problems that can be solved by using a large amount of explosives.”
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time
"I'm not shy; I'm just quietly plotting your imminent doom."
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. Or combo of all four. How? He's gay and married to another gay guy and is a fictional character in a book that is soon to be a movie. yeah, I got skillz!
Friends will always be like "Well, you deserve better." Best friends will be prank calling him in the middle of the night, saying "You’re gonna die in seven days, BITCH!”
6 reasons not to mess with children:
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments withher five and six year olds
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Pessimism: Every Dark Cloud Has a Silver Lining, But Lightning Kills Hundreds of People Every Year Who Are Trying To Find It.
“I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.” -Mark Twain
"Some day we'll look back on this, laugh nerveously, and quickly change subjects."
"FAKE FRIENDS: will take away your drink when they think you've had enough. REAL FRIENDS: will look at you stumbling all over the place and say 'Bitch drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste'"
"Dear Santa I'm writing to let you know I’ve been naughty...and it was worth it YOU FAT JUDGEMENTAL BASTARD"
"MARRIAGE...Is finding that special someone you want to annoy the rest of your life"
"Mmmm...Nope. Even from this angle, your still retarded"
What doesn't kill you the first time will probably succeed in the second attempt
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for
the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the
heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask
where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to
search the entire room for the TV remote because they
refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your
cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you
Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking
after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and
where are they? They need their Ass Kicked!
5. When people say while watching a film "did
you see that?”
No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare
at the floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"...
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!’
Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been
anything before it.
If it's an improvement, then there must have been
something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!
What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks
"Has the bus come yet?”If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
PLEASE READ MY STORIES
"Merry Christmas to all and to all shut the hell up."
"My homework ate my dog!"
"My life is too much for me to keep up with. I want my sippy cup back."
"My mind works like lightning...One brilliant flash and it's gone."
"No need to suffer in silence when you can still moan, whimper, and complain."
"NO TRESPASSING. Violators will be shot; survivors will be shot again."
"Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool."
"Of course I don't look busy; I did it right the first time."
"Of course I'm out of my mind!...It's dark and scary in there..."
"Of course violence isn't the answer. 'Violence' is the question and 'yes' is the answer!"
"Only in America do drive-in ATM's have Braille lettering."
"Only in America do pizzas arrive at doorsteps faster than ambulances."
"Only in America do they sell hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight." (That's weird...The hotdogs I buy come in packs of seven...)
"Only in America is the slowest traffic time of the day referred to as 'rush hour'"
"Ow, my brain hurts."
"Please do not throw anything or anybody into the fish pond."
"Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
"Self Destruct in 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Have a nice day. (Explodes)"
"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."
"Smile. It confuses people."
"Sorry, mind closed until further notice."
"Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."
"Sugar is good for you."
"Take one step closer and I'll run away."
"Tell me your sob story...I need a good laugh."
"That which doesn't kill you...Will probably try again."
"The ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent."
"The newscaster is the person who says 'Good evening' and then tells you why it's not."
"The stupider people think you are, the more surprised they are when you kill them."
"There is a fine line between insanity and stupidity. Feel free to cross it!"
"There's too much blood in my caffeine system!"
"They say I have A.D.H.D., but I just don't understa- oh look! A kitty!"
"They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?"
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target."
"When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing."
"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it."
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?"
"You can't spell slaughter without laughter."
"You cry, I'll cry. You laugh, I'll laugh. You fall out of a window, I'll laugh even harder."
"Your chances of getting struck by lightning increase if you stand under a tree, shake your fist up at the sky, and yell, 'Storms suck!'"
"Your participle is dangling."
"You're not paranoid if they really are out to get you."
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will leave gashes that will fester for all eternity."
Always forgive your enemies, because nothing annoys them more
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day."
"Are you a side effect of my medication?"
People are like pennies, two-faced and worthless."
"Chaos...Panic...Disorder...My work here is done."
"Come talk to me when you have some money."
"Come to the dark side; we have cookies."
Don't drink and drive; you might spill your beer!"
"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself."
Eat right, exercise, die anyway."
"Fight Organized Crime: Abolish the IRS."
"For the record, I blame you."
"Gone to my happy place. Back soon."
"Happiness is like wetting your pants. Other people can see it and only you can feel it."
"Have a nice day but leave me out of it."
"Here I am. Now what are your other two wishes?"
"I did NOT escape. They gave me a day pass."
"Idiocy is the essence of the male mind."
"I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to."
"I don't get mad, I get even."
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
"If I die, I'm taking you with me! Oh...you're dying? Forget I said anything."
"If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', what's the opposite of 'progress'?"
"If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk."
"If you want breakfast in bed, go sleep in the kitchen."
"If you wish not to be destroyed, you will leave me alone."
I have a dream, and in it something eats you."
I have no idea what I'm doing out of bed."
"I like it in my happy place, for they know me there."
"I like stress. It makes me hurt people."
"I'm an angel! I swear! The horns are just there to hold the halo in place!"
"I'm not littering, I'm donating to the earth."
"I'm only afraid of knives when you're holding them."
"I'm too tired to tell the truth."
"I'm up, I'm dressed, what more do you want?"
"Instant Human: just add coffee."
"I put ketchup on my ketchup."
"Is there a hyphen in obsessive-compulsive?"
"It's bad luck to be superstitious."
"It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for."
"I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead."
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car."
"Jesus is my best friend, but he never lends me money."
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."
"Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard; be evil."
Lincoln's Gettysburg address had 272 words. The Ten Commandments had 296 words. The U.S. Department of Agriculture setting the price of cabbage has 15,297 words."
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98 percent
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96 percent
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100 percent
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103 percent
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118 percent
Advise that works 4 any Situation... In 4 easy steps
If someone asks you a question and want you opinion, here is what you do...
1.Think of an honest anwser
2.Think of the opisite of it
3.Say it out loud
4.Roll your eyes and walk away
Yes you have just used sarcasom Dont use it on adults, teachers or non- british people. They dont understand the humor