corky7411
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Joined 01-02-10, id: 2201374, Profile Updated: 01-27-13
Author has written 3 stories for Morganville Vampires, and Twilight.

Hi to anyone that is reading this. I just wanted to say a few things about myself. My real name is Carly. Corky is just my nickname. I am now a Senior in high school. Yay for me.

Also I now have a account on FictionPress.com as also if you would like to read some other things of mine. It is under the same name Corky7411

Okay in regards to my stories. So i haven't updated because my best friend came to visit and I was busy for the last three weeks. And before that i had school and testing and teachers trying to throw as much work on me as possible at the last minute. But now that is all over and I now have a crap load of time to write. So expect updates really soon.

it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you. ( if this is true i have a lot of boys liking me)

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad, follow her
When she stares at your mouth, kiss her
When she pushes you or hits you, grab her and don’t let go
When she starts cussing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet, ask her what’s wrong
When she ignores you, give her your attention
When she pulls away, pull her back
When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying, just hold her and don’t say a word
When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared, protect her
When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steals your favorite hat, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay
When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up
When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand
When she grabs at your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers
When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does
When she misses you, she's hurting inside
When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away
When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers
When she re post this bulletin, she wants you to read it
Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go
When she says she's OK, don’t believe it, talk with her, because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her, call her before you sleep and after you wake up
Treat her like she's all that matters to you
Tease her and let her tease you back
Stay up all night with her when she's sick
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
Give her the world, let her wear your clothes
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her, let her know she's important
Kiss her in the pouring rain
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Whose ass am I kicking babe?"

Forever isn't as long as it use to be.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it

. My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

You're intoxicated by my very presence

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends ( i miss thoes days)

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. ( this so discribes all my guy friends)

Boys are like Slinky's... useless, but fun to watch fall downstairs

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject ( in my family is more like one day we will look back on this and laugh and then make fun of someone)

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I don't suffer from insanity,... I enjoy every minute of it

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth

I've got A.D.H.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have!

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

You call me a Bitch well a Bitch is a female dog. A dog barks. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. So thanks for the compliment :D ( this is something i would say)

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Your weirdness is creeping the voices in my head out.

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, off the occasional cliff and into sliding glass doors. ( for some strange reason all my friends have this problem)

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s he gonna do kill me?

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!

Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

mortal instruments:

"Is this the part where you start tearing off strips of your shirt to bind my wounds?" -Clary
"If you wanted me to rip my clothes off, you should have just asked."-Jace

"'We came to see Jace. Is he alright?' -Clary
'I don't know,' Magnus said. 'Does he normally just lie on the floor like that without moving?'"

""Not everything is about you," Clary said furiously.
"Possibly," Jace said, "but you do have to admit that the majority of things are."

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus put this on your profile.

My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile.

if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile

If you think that Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever walked into a wall b4, put this-This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever passed notes in class when you are allowed to talk copy and paste this into your profile. ( my friend alex sits next to me in english and me and him txt eachother. It kind of sad.)

Boys are like trees - they take fifty years to grow up.

friend helps you when you fall; a best friend says "Walk much, dumbass?"

A friend gives you their umbrella when it rains; a best friend takes your's and says "RUN!"

A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected; a best friend walks up to him and says "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A friend will bail you out of jail; a best friend will be in the room next to you saying "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

A good friend helps you when you fall. A best friend laughs and trips you again.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a brdge, damn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass.

You know you're insane when you talk to inanimate objects'

'Today I will be happier than a bird with a french fry!'

'Mommy, when I grow up, I want to be a total bitch just like you!'

'I'm not a vegetarian because I hate animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.'

'It's not PMS, it's you.'

'The key is to act suprised.'

'Oh please. i don't turn heads, I fucking break necks.'

'Enjoy jelousy. It's what makes a hoe like you talk about a bitch like me.'

'It's al fun and games until someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious.'

He said: I don't know why you wear a bra.You have nothing to put in it. She said: You wear pants, don't you?'

'You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you bitches are all the same.'

'Warning: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.'

'All you have to do in life is hang out with friends, party hard, and look twice as good as the bitch next to you.'

'It's a beautiful day.Now watch some asshole fuck it up.'

'You can call me an alcholoic, but I call it a damn good time.'

'I tried sniffing coke once, but the icecubes kept getting stuck in my nose!'

'I piss stupid people off.'

'Alcohol: Some of the best times you'll never get to remember.'

'If your package was as big as your ego, maybe then I'd be interested.'

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch and American Eagle said it was uncool to breathe anymore. Copy and paste this in your profile if you'd be part of the 8 percent laughing your head off.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you have an extremely long profile, copy this into it to make it longer

If you think the rabbit from the Trix commercial should go to the store and by his own box, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever heard voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile. ( inside joke between me and my friend maddy)

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence.

Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it.

Crazy is when you memorized every single line of the Kingdom Hearts series.

Crazy is when your so obsessed with Axel (KH 2) that you bang on the T.V. every now and then to see if he will come out.

If you have ever had a random song pop into your head at the most completely and utter worst time but you sing it anyway copy this into your profile.

If you hate girly-girls or people who think that they are everything, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile

If you've gotten completely zoned out of a conversation that you don't even remember what you were talking about copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ever got zoned out for more than five minutes copy and paste this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you like being utterly random copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventalated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile

If you can't walk up or down stairs without looking at them, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the conversation copy this on your profile

If you hate those mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing copy this on your profile

If you have ever crashed into a wall while sugar high copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head against a desk for no reason copy this on your profile

If you think the Co-co Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for a couple of scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this into your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO! SCREW YOU SCIENCTISTS SCUM!

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

If you have ever yelled at your television because a character or someone you don't like was on,copy and paste this to your profile

If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person."Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Which way does a compass point in space?

An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says "So far so good!"

If Fed ex and UPS merge, they would be called Fed UP.

I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it.

Never drink water...if it can rust iron, think of what it can do to your stomach.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done.

Scientists are complaining that the new Dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn't evolve for another million years. They're afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Your misery=My joy

In a dog-eat-dogworld the best thing to do is become a cat. If you think that I think that you think that I think that you think that I am totally spazzing out right now with the 'If you thinks' copy this to your profile already!

If you think that if girls should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever been watching a T.V show, and when the commercials came on you forgot what you were watching copy this into your profile.

The more you love someone,the more you want them dead.

And now I ask: what is wrong with worshipping Video game characters?

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Crazy is a relative term in my family!

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

All the good ones are either dating someone, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the SWAT team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

I read Eclipse and wanted to punch Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD. Then Bella did it for me.

"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics

If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable

Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese. There are five people in my familly so it must be one of them. It's ether my mum or dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu. But i think it's Colin.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

If dance were any easier, it would be called football.

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be "under par" in any thing else?

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

Yo Momma so fat she sat on the rainbow and skittles popped out

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. -

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?!"

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

Got a problem with me? Solve it.

Think I'm trippin'? Tie my shoe.

Can't stand me? Then sit down.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

In that song, She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain, who is "she"?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don’t even think about it.

She:
Do you love me?

He:
Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She:
Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He:
No way! I’m not that kind of person!

She:
Can I trust you?

He:
Yes.

After the marriage:
(read it bottom to top leaving out the last line)

Top 75 Most Annoying Things To Do In An Elevator

When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

Call the Psychic Hot line from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

Ask, "Did you feel that?"

Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

Swat at flies that don't exist.

Tell people that you can see their aura.

Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

Put police tape in front of the door before entering.

Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.

Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.

Throw a rave.

Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people

ask what you are doing, tell them you "Won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei."

Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".

Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.

Lean over to another rider and whisper 'Noogie patrol coming!'"

Have a heated debate with yourself.

Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.

Drum on every available surface.

Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.

Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.

Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.

Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.

Propose to the other passengers.

Challenge people to duels.

Sell girl scout cookies.

Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."

Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.

Shout "Food fight!"

Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.

Elevators were practically MADE for river dance!

Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"

Shave.

Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.

Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.

Practice your kung fu.

Make race car noises when people get on and off.

Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"

Fly a model airplane.

Do yoga.

Play the accordion

Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.

Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.

Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.

Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."

Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word.

Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.

Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.

Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic. (Vampires??)

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

Bibliophobia- Fear of books. -This would probably drive me to phobia listed above (Agateophobia-Fear of Insanity)

Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.

Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors. -That would seriously suck.

Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch. -Sorry Dutch people, but some people are afraid of you.

Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers. -What can I say?

Ergophobia- Fear of work. -Sounds like a good excuse to me.

Gerontophobia- Fear of old people. -I just I can understand this one, I mean an old lady with crutches... shivers

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. (Now this name is just mean!)

Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news. (Wow)

Nomatophobia- Fear of names.

Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.

I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.

Error: Press any key except... no, No, NO NOT THAT ONE!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Worry is the first time you can't do it a second time; panic is the second time you can't do it the first time.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them as much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When every thing's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die

Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Just remember; if the world didn't suck, we'd fall off.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

When the blind lead the blind, get out of the way.

Only the paranoid survive.

Dijon vu: The same mustard as before.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Don't worry; I forgot your name too.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Many people, when they run into a telephone pole, blame the pole.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead.

I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.

Never take life seriously; nobody gets out alive anyway.

Thank you for not annoying me more than you do.

Insanity: a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Normal people make good pets.

Better to understand a little, than to misunderstand a lot.

Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.

Why when two cars almost collide do the call it a near miss? Sounds like a near hit to me!

I didn't say it was your fault, I just said I was going to blame you!

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words

Don't worry about that hole in the wall. That's just where the bomb squad had to cut their way in.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

What do you call a male ladybird?

If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

Why do your feet smell while your nose runs?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

On a poster advertising footwear- 'These are built to British standards.' Scribbled underneath it- 'Yeah, so was the Titanic!'

What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.

Why do teachers tell us that violence is not the answer, and then force us to learn about wars that solved all of America's problems?

Why do people say ‘heads up’ when you should duck?

In Disney’s ‘Tarzan’, how come Tarzan doesn’t have a beard?

How come the words ‘thaw’ and 'unthaw' mean the same thing?

What would happen if you said ‘Hi’ to a friend on an aeroplane who’s name is Jack?

What does OK actually mean?

Wouldn't it be ironic if someone were to choke and die on a Life Saver?

When a car is for sale and it has a balloon on it, does the balloon come with it?

Does it really count in court when an Atheist is sworn under oath using a Bible?

Why is it that when we are humming, and we block our noses, the humming stops? Do we really hum through our mouths or our noses?

Are children who speak sign-language allowed to talk with their mouth full?

How fast do hotcakes actually sell?

What do vegetarians feed their dogs?

Do stuttering people stutter when they think?

Isn't it strange that Halloween is the one day a year that your parents tell you to take candy from strangers?

Who gets to keep the pennies in a wishing well?

How come popcorn isn’t a vegetable?

Why do people say; ‘You can’t have your cake and eat it too!’ Why would anyone buy cake if they couldn't eat it?

Why aren’t safety pins as safe as they say they are?

Why do companies offer you ‘free gifts’? When has a gift NOT been free?

Can mute people burp?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to say, “See the chicken over there?... I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt.”?

Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?

What was Captain Hook’s name before he got a hook for a hand?

What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it’s all about?

Why does the Easter Bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

Can you slam a revolving door?

What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?

Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils? (interesting question... I have a cross-eyed teacher and we listen to him better then anybody >.

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialised?

Why does it say ‘May contain traces of peanuts or other kinds of nuts’ on peanut butter jars? Surely anyone buying peanut butter would be well aware of this.

Why is it that people duck in the rain? Do they really think it will leave them alone?

Why can the saying ‘It’s all going downhill from here’ mean both that it will get easier, and it will get worse?

What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping? (nope they go chunky dunking XD)

You know how most packages say ‘Open here’, what is the protocol if the package reads ‘Open somewhere else’?

Why does mineral water which has “trickled through mountains for centuries” go out of date next year?

Why don’t you ever see baby pigeons?

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? How much more sour could it become?

How can there be ‘self- help GROUPS’?

How can someone ‘draw a blank’?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can’t you ever be whelmed just right?

How can something be new AND improved? If its new, there's nothing to improve upon.

If you feed a bee nothing but oranges, does it start making marmalade?

If a man is walking in a forest, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

Why do they sterilise needles for lethal injections?

If quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests? (when asked this question without thinking i yelled TESTICALS!... Akward moment.)

Where in the nursery rhyme, exactly, does it say that humpty-dumpty is an egg?

What came first, the fruit or the colour orange?

What's the opposite of ‘opposite’?

Do sore thumbs really stick out?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Is the fear of flying groundless?

Do mimes watch silent movies?

Why can wizards make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?

Do vampires get AIDS?

Why can you never get anything to rhyme with the word 'purple'? Or Oranges?

What came first, the fruit or the colour orange?

What's the opposite of ‘opposite’?

Do sore thumbs really stick out?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Is the fear of flying groundless?

Do mimes watch silent movies?

Why can wizards make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?

Do vampires get AIDS?

Why can you never get anything to rhyme with the word 'purple'?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Mondays are awful ways to spend 1/7th of your life.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid… but some abuse the priviledge.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk. They spend the second half telling us to sit down and shut up.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

Not all men are annoying… some are dead.

Just because you aren’t paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

Do not meddle with the affairs of dragons. You are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

When you don’t know what to do… walk fast and look worried.

God is older than dirt. Literally.

Puppies are the key to World Peace.

Doors are the source of all evil. Don't ask why, they just are.

The older people get, the more things they can get away with.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Hard Way To Learn A Lesson by Stephaniiie reviews
AU/AH Bad boy Edward needs to be taught a lesson. So his teachers come up with a plan- ‘marry’ him to the best behaved girl in school! How will his ego survive spending ‘eternity’ with Bella Swan! Little OOC. NOW COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 71 - Words: 279,757 - Reviews: 16108 - Favs: 7,603 - Follows: 3,483 - Updated: 1/15/2017 - Published: 6/23/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Happily Never After by Dark-Blood-Drop reviews
Shane, Eve and Micheal have a new visitor in town and her name is MiMi. She has set her sights on Shane and will stop at nothing to have him, even if it means ruining her relationships with all of her friends. MiMi aims to make Claire look like that bad guy and she is succeeding leaving Shane and Claire's relationship hanging in the balance. Lots of Swearing :
Morganville Vampires - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 17,740 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 7/27/2012 - Published: 1/24/2010 - Claire D., Shane C.
Once Upon A Twilight by ScarlettLovesRhett reviews
Cinderella.Bella's dad has just died and now she has to live with her stepmother Victoria and her daughters Rosalie and Alice.She is abused and is forced to be a slave.Will she get her story book ending? read and find out.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 52,319 - Reviews: 539 - Favs: 208 - Follows: 115 - Updated: 3/17/2012 - Published: 12/6/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Glass houses by vampiregirl2808 reviews
Shane POV of Glasshouse. Get into Shanes head. Does he like Claire from the begin?What was he thinking when he kissed Claire? What does he do all day? Find out what kind of person he really is! I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!
Morganville Vampires - Rated: T - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 5,194 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 12/3/2011 - Published: 1/24/2010 - Claire D., Shane C.
Mountain or Molehill? by PonandZi reviews
When Shane finds out about Ian and the Dead Girls' Dance, he freaks. Claire is sick of it and is ignoring him. What will it take to get her to talk? Is Ian still going to be a problem? Read and Review! And yes, I DO know that the summary sucks!
Morganville Vampires - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 13,571 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 4/30/2011 - Published: 12/23/2009 - Shane C., Claire D.
The Inevitable by 2gsdip reviews
-Eclipse in Edward's POV- I stared menacingly at my adversary. She wanted so desperately to end my reason for existence. A love for a love. But that would never happen. If my angel’s heart were to stop beating it would be at my hands and my hands alone.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 158,577 - Reviews: 710 - Favs: 457 - Follows: 349 - Updated: 1/24/2011 - Published: 6/11/2008 - Edward, Bella
Highschool cliques by Dimxan reviews
takes place in high school Zexion, an emo kid, develops a crush on a fellow classmate of his, Dimxan. but will he ever have the courage to tell her how he really feels when he can barely even get the courage to stand up for himself?
Kingdom Hearts - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,595 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/15/2010 - Published: 12/23/2009 - Zexion
Returned by menus7 reviews
Bella was forced to moved when her parents divorced now 7 years later she returns to Seattle to finish college. There she is reacquainted with Edward, her childhood boyfriend, who she learns has become a bit of playboy. E&B All human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,337 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 2/11/2010 - Published: 3/4/2009 - Bella, Edward
Romances by ILoveShaneCollins reviews
In the middle is pretty intense
Morganville Vampires - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 803 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 9 - Published: 1/12/2010 - Claire D., Shane C.
Love or Friendship by Mizz604 reviews
Edward and Bella become best friends because of their love for basketball. But Edward does not know that Bella is hopelessly in love with him. Will the highschool jock fall for his tom boy best friend? **All human and super cute
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 23 - Words: 30,903 - Reviews: 492 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 172 - Updated: 10/6/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Edward, Bella
Pink Fluffy Pencil Case by CrystalBrooke reviews
AH. No one talks to Edward Cullen. He's the weird emo kid with the sexy hair and black skinny jeans. He denies he wears guyliner, but he totally does. Bella is the new girl, and doesn't get why he hates her. Never judge a person by their pencil case...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 47,495 - Reviews: 2805 - Favs: 2,117 - Follows: 1,257 - Updated: 9/17/2009 - Published: 1/12/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Take A Chance On Me by Wonder Woman 82 reviews
Bella and Edward have been friends forever. He grew up in love with Lauren and Bella loves him. He doesn't know. What happens when they go to his brother's wedding and he is determined to win Lauren's heart? AH. Rated M for future lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 33,338 - Reviews: 269 - Favs: 384 - Follows: 169 - Updated: 9/12/2009 - Published: 6/16/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Heartbreak and Harvard by vampiregirl143 reviews
AH Edward and Bella have been best friends since birth, but Edward broke her heart on her 13th birthday. 5 years later with both of them attending Harvard in the fall will Bella find it in her heart to forgive him, or will it be heartbreak all over again?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 56 - Words: 122,032 - Reviews: 2025 - Favs: 1,378 - Follows: 699 - Updated: 8/2/2009 - Published: 1/11/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My Notebook Will Explain by notnowgarrison reviews
The juniors are given a pen pal project for the summer. Who is this mysterious "Insane of Mind" Bella keeps writing to? Who is "Quite Clumsy" Edward is falling in love with? What happens when they start pouring their souls out to each other? AH, OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 74,777 - Reviews: 1245 - Favs: 897 - Follows: 453 - Updated: 7/30/2009 - Published: 8/6/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
What I hate about you by yune19 reviews
What will happen when Bella Swan is forced to do a Literature project with proud and obstinate Edward Cullen?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 28 - Words: 73,832 - Reviews: 328 - Favs: 243 - Follows: 131 - Updated: 6/23/2009 - Published: 1/25/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Bleeding Love by zgirl21 reviews
Edward, Bella, and Jacob are childhood friends who are now college roommates. Edward, who only seems to care about one-night stands and his band, and Bella, studious and responsible, are always fighting...and Jacob? All-Human. E/B. Not for Jacob lovers.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 104,145 - Reviews: 1330 - Favs: 1,133 - Follows: 1,272 - Updated: 6/15/2009 - Published: 12/7/2008 - Bella, Edward
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

High School reviews
Claire and Shane have always hated each other, but what happens when they get paired up to do a project. Will they find friendship or something more.
Morganville Vampires - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 19,780 - Reviews: 190 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 98 - Updated: 4/14/2012 - Published: 1/20/2010 - Claire D., Shane C.
Never What You Expected reviews
Bella and Edward never got along,but that might change when they are forced to share almost every class together.Will Bella and Edward become friends and even find love. AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,719 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 2/25/2012 - Published: 10/22/2011 - Bella, Edward
funny lines reviews
just a few ines me and my friends thought were funny. i havent got all of them yet
Morganville Vampires - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 838 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 2/20/2010 - Published: 2/18/2010
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