Author has written 34 stories for Naruto, Harry Potter, Elder Scroll series, and Princess Tutu.
I know that not many people read profiles (although I do, because I like to know what sort of people are reading and reviewing my stories), so I won't be posting a lot of news on here. Below is a list of my (generalised) pet peeves. I also have a list of words, with definitions, that make me cringe when they are confused and misused. I know that English is not a pure language, but if it is your only language, you should be able to speak, read and write it without making such stupid mistakes. So please, have a look.
If you see anything you agree or disagree with, let me know.
Things that Annoy Me
- Stories where characters do stupid things that hurt the ones they love because someone threatened them. Seriously, if someone walked up to me and said ignore your boyfriend and be my girl or I'll kill him, I would ring the police after I kicked the dickhead in the balls. Come on people! Just because it's a fictional story doesn't mean it should be unrealistic.
- Stories that are AU and still have massive gang fights or murders with no consequences. That sort of behaviour will work (to a certain extent) in the Naruto universe, but even then, you can't just have a character murdered because you don't like them and let the murderer get off scot-free. There are consequences for crimes, people. If you dislike the character so much, why not just leave them out?
- Not knowing your subject matter. Not knowing basic information about your main topic and making it a large part of your story creates major plot holes. You may not care but it effects the quality of your work, and I, personally, will stop reading when I find this sort of thing. Research is important. You may ask, why should you research things when you're clearly writing for fun. My answer is this: People read your stories for fun! They derive their enjoyment from how good your story is. You write for your audience, if you lessen their joy, you lessen your audience.
- Criticism: Reviews are not meant to tell you your work is the greatest. Yes, it's nice when people say, "Hey, your story is great, I want to read more!", but if they say, "your story has potential, here's how to improve it." there is no call to say, "you're being hateful and I think you suck." Flaming is bad, constructive criticism is not. If you've been given some tips for improvement, don't jump on the reviewer. If you don't want to listen, ignore the review or tell them, I don't want to change my story. There is no need to be rude.
- Insulting or ignorant reviews that are left by people who either choose not to sign in or sign up. How are we, as authors, supposed to respond to your review if we have no way of contacting you for clarification?
- Writers who seem unable or unwilling to write coherent sentences, use the wrong spelling or the wrong words and then have messages at the bottom of the chapter saying: "I write for fun so shove off if you find problems because I don't care." Just because you write for fun, doesn't mean you can't write correctly. I recently came across a profile of someone who claims to be a 'beta' or editor for others, but surprisingly, their profile had a large message splashed across the top: "Don't point out my grammar mistakes. I have a good grasp of grammar but I don't use it.' Why should anyone trust you to edit their work, if you don't even bother with your own?
- Reading stories that have an excellent plot and storyline but fall down with either the misuse of words or the overuse of certain words. For those people for whom English is not their first language, you are to be commended for attempting to write in it, but there are people out there, and on here that offer themselves as editors. They're called beta readers, look them up. For those people who speak English and only English, you should be ashamed that you do not know your own language. Do something about it!
- Stories with an excess of plot twists. Try explaining the story to someone before you post it. If your audience starts rolling their eyes and you've not reached the halfway point, consider using some of those ideas in another story. Don't overcrowd your stories. Your audience will lose interest.
- Tense changes in the middle of stories. This is ridiculous. I don't care what you think, it is NEVER cool, or impressive, or well-written when this happens. Choose a tense; be it past, present or future, and stick with it throughout your story. While on things that change midway through a piece: point of view. Yes, the notoriously difficult POV. Two things here: 1) don't change it abruptly if you're writing in first person. It's confusing and reflects badly on your creative process. 2) If you are going to switch between characters, you don't need to put in a note that says so-and-so's point of view now. Just put in a line break; that's all that's needed. Personally, I'd rather read third person narratives and I will only ever write them, as I can switch between characters easily with out needing to change point of view. That's a tip for all you writers.
- It's probably obvious by now, that I have a serious obsession with correct spelling and grammar. In order to not appear as a complete neurotic freak, whose main aim is to drag others down, I will offer you all a tip. This is for seasoned writers as well as newbies, because everyone makes silly little mistakes (and some make big, stupid ones, but that's neither here nor there). After you have completed your chapter/story, read it out to yourself, out loud. Yes, it may take a while and you may sound extremely stupid reading to yourself (so it's probably not a good idea to do this during study hall or in the middle of the library) but this will help you catch those silly little mistakes: like a misspelled word, or a word that is missing completely. And by taking notice of where you're breathing, while you're reading, you can figure out if you need to change the punctuation. Remember, pauses require commas and breaths require full stops. It is important, if you try this, to make sure you don't skip over words while you're reading. In fact, it's best if you leave your work for a few hours or even days, so that it isn't over-familiar.
- People who write stories about animes, using original characters who have anglicized names. You're writing a story about characters from a different ethnicity; they have Japanese names. It isn't that difficult to look up another Japanese name to use for your own character. Baby name books and websites are everywhere, and will list not only the gender of a name but also the meaning. So, I see no reason why you can't take the little time it requires to do a search and find a more appropriate name for your character.
Below is a list of words that I have found mutilated on this, and other, sites. These words may sound or be spelt similarly, however confusing them in your writing makes it very difficult for your audience to understand what you're trying to say. These words are NOT interchangeable!!! Finding these words confused in many stories makes me cringe, and sometimes it also makes me laugh hysterically, particularly when you substitute synonyms. For instance: I recently read a story which featured the following mistakes:
Sasuke was in a fowl mood even as his muscles rippled under his taught skin.
Now with the substitution:
Sasuke was in a poultry mood even as his muscles rippled under his teaching skin.
I laughed heartily, which was obviously not the intention of the author of this little dramatic piece. Same thing for the poor sod who confused 'monogamous' for 'monotonous'. Had me in stitches.
This sentence should have read:
Sasuke was in a foul mood even as his muscles rippled under his taut skin.
affect: to act on or produce a change
effect: the change caused by an affect
affluent: quite wealthy and well-to-do
ally: a separate party who has agreed to give aid and support
alley: a narrow passageway between two buildings that connects streets
anecdote: a small story of a particular incident of interest; a short story which the teller believes to be of interest (sarcasm)
antidote: the cure for a poison
angel: a heavenly messenger, usually depicted with wings, a long flowing robe and surrounded by light
angle: the space between intersecting lines; also to fish with hook and line
bare: to be without covering or clothing
bear: to hold up or support, to carry or a member of the carnivorous family Ursidae
brazier: a grate or container for a fire
brassiere: an undergarment worn by women to support the breasts
break: to divide into parts violently; to discontinue abruptly; to disable or destroy
brake: any mechanical device or system used to stop the motion of a wheel, a motor or a vehicle, chiefly by means of pressure or friction
breath: (noun) the inhale or exhale of air
breathe: (verb) the act of breathing
brought: past tense of 'bring', as in 'I brought my painting with me.'
bought: past tense of 'buy', as in exchange for money, as in 'I bought a cake at the store.'
bout: a contest or period of time, rhymes with 'out'
canon: a standard collection of rules and/or facts
cannon: a heavy artillery weapon
cast: to throw or fling; also to direct, as in a glance; also to allot parts, as in for a play or movie; to perform a spell.
casted: the incorrectly used past tense of "cast"; this is NOT a word.
caste: any rigid system of social class and/or distinction
cease: to stop
seize: to take hold of
choose: to select or make a decision in favour of
chose: past tense of 'choose', rhymes with 'nose'
cloth: material made of various organic or synthetic products, used for linen, clothing, etc.
clothe: to cover with clothing
clothes: garments worn to cover nakedness
course: an advance in a particular direction, a route along which travel is taken (i.e. a race course) or a customary manner of procedure (i.e. a course of antibiotics or a three course meal)
coarse: of poorer quality (i.e. coarse manners), or made of larger parts or particles (i.e. coarse sand), the opposite to fine
cause: that which produces an effect, the underlying reason behind a change
'cause: a colloquial version of because, where the first two letters are dropped due to laziness or inherent illiteracy. Often spelt cos or coz which is incorrect as these are not words
casually: with a certain level of nonchalance, without ceremony
causally: not a word
causality: having to do with a cause
celibate: abstaining from a sexual intercourse and/or marriage
celebrate: to observe or commemorate an event or happening, usually with ceremonies/festivities/parties
check: to restrain or stop; to investigate or verify
cheque: a written order to allow a bank to make a payment on one's behalf
cleaver:a chopping knife, usually used for large slabs of meat
clever: mentally equipped to handle challenges
colon: a punctuation device (:); the section of the large intestine or bowel that joins the caecum to the rectum
cologne: a perfumed liquid, usually used by men after shaving, originating from Cologne (Köln) in Germany
conscience: the inner moral code which decides on the morality of one's actions
conscious: to be awake
console: to comfort a person who is upset or grieving; a gaming platform
council: a level of bureaucratic government; a group of people who govern
counsel: to give advice
corps: a military unit of ground combat forces consisting of two or more divisions and other troops; a group of associated persons working together
corpse: a dead body, usually of a human
crock: an earthenware pot or jar; a decrepit old person, ewe or horse; a ridiculous idea, theory or plan
crook: slang for a person convicted of a crime or suspected of criminal activities
croak: a low, hoarse and/or dismal cry, like that of a raven, toad or frog
creasing: to create a line or mark by folding or pressing
caressing: an act or gesture expressing affection, an embrace or kiss
curved: a continuously bending line, usually without angles
curbed: restrained or enclosed
despite: 'in spite of'
dispute: a disagreement
definite: to be clearly defined or determined
defiant: to be daring or bold, especially in the face of authority or standards
desert: a dry, arid plain, with little rain fall, usually associated with sand, e.g. the Sahara, the Kalahari, the Gobi, the Great Simpson, also the term used to describe one who has left his post with no intention of returning
dessert: the final course of a meal, usually consisting of sweet foods, such as ice cream or cake
dining: to eat
dinning: an incorrect spelling which seems prevalent among illiterate fanfiction writers, this is not a word
does: this is a question word, asking about the motion of doing
doze: to lightly sleep
dose: a measured amount given at a particularly time, i.e. a dose of medicine
dour: hard, severe, stern of expression
dower: the portion of a man's real property that is inherited by his widow
dragged: past tense of drag, to pull along with force
drug: a chemical substance given with the intention of preventing or curing a disease or to enhance the physical or mental welfare of a person or animal. Also a substance which alters perceptions and may have addictive qualities.
draw: to create a picture by the use of pencil or similar device; to cause to come in a particular direction
drawer: a sliding compartment in a piece of furniture; a garment for the lower part of the body with a separate portion for each leg
ethereal: light, airy, extremely delicate or refined, heavenly or celestial
urethral: having to do with the membranous tube from the bladder to the exterior that delivers urine.
far: a remote point, at a great distance; to a great degree
fair: a carnival; free from bias; the opposite of dark; pleasant or light
fare: the price of a trip, i.e. in a taxi; a word for food; to experience good or bad fortune or treatment
fir: a type of tree, usually grown in alpine regions around the "snow" line
fur: the skin of certain animals, whether on the creature or not, which has a soft, thick and hairy quality
furry: to be covered with fur
fury: extreme anger
gazing: staring at with admiration or wonder
grazing: feeding on grass or other similar plants, as cattle or sheep do; to touch or lightly rub in passing
gracious: disposed to show grace or favour; kind, benevolent or courteous
grateful: warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful
grate: a frame of metal bars, most often used around a fireplace as a guarding plate; also to have an irritating or unpleasant affect on feelings; also to rub together with a harsh sound; also to reduce to small particles by rubbing against a rough or serrated surface
great: unusually or comparatively large, either in size, dimensions, number or degree; notable, distinguished, important or remarkable
grating: a partition or frame work that serves as a guard or cover; an irritating thing that affects one or more of the senses
grading: to mark on a degree or scale
grown: having increased by natural development
ground: the earth's solid surface, firm or dry land; the past tense of grind
head: the part of the anatomy which contains the brain, skull and face, This one's self explanatory really.
heed: to follow advice or hints, cues or tips
heal: to cure illness or injury
heel: the part of the foot below the ankle
idea: a thought, conception or notion, the result of mental activity
ideal: a conception of something in its highest perfection
illiterate: unable to read or write
illegible: impossible to read or decipher
illegitimate: not legitimate/lawful, often used to describe children born out of wedlock (i.e. bastard)
image: a picture
imagine: to form a mental image of
inane: lacking sense or ideas, silly
innate: known but unlearnt
intimate: to make known indirectly
intimidate: to make timid or inspire fear
invisible: unable to be seen, not visible
invincible: that which cannot be conquered, defeated, beaten
isle: another name for an island
aisle: a passageway between seats in a church
know: to perceive or understand as fact or truth
now: at the present time or moment
no: negative response, opposite to 'yes'
knew: past tense of 'know' having to do with knowledge
new: previously unheard of, unused or unseen
law: a rule
lore: recognised "facts", origin unknown
liar: a dishonest person, one who lies
lair: the home of a creature or person (often with evil overtones)
lyre: a stringed instrument similar to a harp, often associated with Ancient Greece
licence: (noun) formal permission to do or not do something
license: (verb) the act of giving formal permission
lightning: an electrical bolt that appears as light, followed by thunder
lightening: to make lighter, either in terms of weight or brightness or of mood (i.e. to lighten the spirits)
limb: a part or member of a body, not associated as the head or trunk: an arm, a leg, a wing, a branch
limp: to walk without putting full weight on a particular leg, creating a wobbling gait; not firm
lose: to come to be without, having misplaced (rhymes with news)
loose: free from bonds, unrestrained (rhymes with 'noose')
massage: the act or art of treating the body by rubbing, kneading or the like
message: a communication of information, advice, direction or the like, transmitted through a messenger, device or agency; the moral or meaning intended by a book or film
massaging: the process of treating the body by rubbing, kneading or the like
messaging: though not technically a word, this has now come to describe the process of sending text messages via mobile phone or instant message programs
moisten: to make more damp or wet
moister: the incorrectly spelt version of the above, not a word
moisture: water or other liquid rendering anything damp
monogamous: having only one partner (i.e. in marriage) for the course of one's life
monotonous: unvarying in any respect; a limited pitch range; a single note being continually played
or: offering a choice, as in 'this or that'.
ore: a metal-bearing mineral or rock that can be mined
oar: a paddle used to propel and/or maneuver
awe: respectful or referential fear
peak: The top of a mountain
peek: to look, usually furtively
pique: to raise interest or to affect with irritation or resentment
populace: the common people
populous: full of people
practice: (noun) habitual or customary performance or activities
practise: (verb) to carry out or perform a habitual or customary activity
principal: the first or highest in importance, rank or value; a person or part which is first or highest in importance, rank or value
principle: an accepted or professed rule of action or conduct; a moral code
rabid: irrationally extreme in opinion or practice, furious or violently intense, also used to describe animals, mainly dogs, that have been infected with rabies, or some other disease
rapid: occurring with speed
reveling: to take great pleasure or delight (apparently this is American English, which is a misnomer. The correct spelling is revelling, with the emphasis "revelling")
revealing: to make known; also to lay open to view
read: being able to observe and understand, or to utter aloud something that is written
reed: the straight stalk of several species of grass that grow near or in marshy areas
road: a way open to the public for use by vehicles, persons or animals
rode: past tense of 'ride'
rogue: a dishonest or sneaky person
rouge: red cosmetic usually used on cheeks or lips
sauce: usually a liquid used to season food
source: the origin of an object or idea, the place from which it came
scoff: an expression of mockery, derision or scorn
scuff: to scrape with the feet
scarred: covered by scars
sacred: held and protected in reverence, usually religious
scrapped: past tense of 'scrap', having been broken up and/or discarded as useless
scraped: past tense of 'scrape', having removed the outer layer
sent: past tense of the word 'send'
scent: the fragrance or smell of an object, usually used for tracking
shudder: to tremble with a sudden compulsive movement, as from horror, fear or cold
shutter: a hinged or movable cover for a window; a mechanical device that opens and closes
sight: one of the five senses, being able to see
site: a physical place where an event took place or an object is located, as in: This is the site of the accident. or Always wear a hard hat on a construction site.
cite: to make reference to another work/author/object, most often used in academic circles
slaking: to satisfy thirst or desire or wrath, or a similar emotion or need
slacking: being lazy
snub: to treat with disdain or contempt
snuff: to inhale through the nose; a thing of little value that is left over; to extinguish (snuff-films: a film of a person's death)
sought: to look or search for something
sort: a type or to divide by way of a particular feature
sow: to plant seeds (SO); an adult female pig (SAU)
sew: to join or attach with thread
spit: to eject saliva and/or mucous from the mouth
spite: a keen, ill-natured desire to humiliate, annoy or injure another
staring: the act of gazing fixedly at an object or person, especially with eyes wide open
starring: normally used to describe the presence of a particular actor in a movie or play
stared: having gazed fixedly at an object or person, especially with eyes wide open, this is past tense on staring
starred: set or studded with stars, or presented as a star (as in an actor), or having luck or fortune influenced by the stars (see astrology or astro-divination)
staid: of settled or sedate character
stayed: past tense of stay, having remained in one place
stroking: to gently caress with the fingers
stoking: to poke a fire to increase its size, light or warmth
there: a place that is not here
they're: contraction, 'they are'
their: possessive, as in it belongs to them
through: in at one end/side and out at the other
though: used to complete a thought, meaning 'notwithstanding that', 'in spite of the fact that', 'even if' or 'nevertheless'
thorough: carried out completely and to perfection
thought: the product of mental activity
throw: to project or propel or cast away
tough: not easily broken or cut
tired: to be exhausted
tried: past tense of 'try'
to: expressing motion or direction toward something
too: in addition, also, furthermore, more than should be
two: second numeral, one plus one
tow: to drag or pull
toe: the appendages attached to the foot.
tomato: my dictionary says it's a fruit, you may debate that if you wish.
tomoe: a shape used in various religious icons, similar to a comma. It is usually found in groups of 2, 3, or 4, depending on the sect using it. Popular Anime usage is the Uchiha Sharingan from Naruto. See Tomoe
tome: a written volume forming part of a larger work, especially ponderous ones
tomb: a grave or mausoleum
venerable: worthy of respect
venereal: arising from or connected to sexual intercourse with an infected partner, i.e. venereal disease
vicious: disposed to evil, reprehensible, depraved, spiteful, malignant
viscous: sticky or adhesive
waste: anything unused, unproductive, superfluous or excess to requirements. Also to use up uselessly (That is such a waste) or to be reduced in substance (Wasted by disease).
waist: the section of the human body between the ribs and the hips.
were: past tense of 'be'
we're: contraction, 'we are'
where: a question of place, in or at what place?
wear: to carry or have on the body some form of covering
ware: a form of goods or merchandise that is for sale
wary: cautious and suspicious
weary: quite tired
warily: to regard or approach with caution and suspicion
wearily: to perform an activity with a degree of exhaustion
way: a manner, mode or fashion; direction; a path or course leading from one place to another
weigh: to find out the weight of something
whey: a watery liquid that separates from the curds during the cheese making process
wait: to stay or rest in expectation
weight: the measure of an item's heaviness
weather: the state of the atmosphere with respect to wind, temperature, cloudiness, moisture, pressure etc
whether: a word used to introduce a choice
whet: to sharpen by grinding or friction; also to make keen or eager
wet: covered or soaked with a water or some other liquid; moist, damp or not dry
which: a questioning word, beginning a question of what or who among a number of choices
witch: a female capable of or believed to be involved with magic
while: a space of time; to spend a space of time; during a space of time
wile: a trick, artifice or stratagem; to be crafty
whiled: having spent a space of time
wonder: to think or speculate curiously
wander: to walk, roam or rove aimlessly
wrench: the American word for a spanner
wench: a slang term for a woman, usually meant to be derogatory or insulting
your: possessive, it belongs to you
you're: contraction, 'you are'. (The apostrophe is telling you that there are letters missing.)
This mistake seems to be quite common, though I'm not sure why: physco'. This is not a word. I believe most times the writer is looking for the word psycho', a shortened slang version of psychotic, and are simply mixing the letters up with physical. That's my guess. I realise that it's difficult to sound out but you know what, there are these special books called 'dictionaries'. I have one which I refer to all the time and I'm not ashamed of that fact.
Just found another one, which is too complicated for me to leave as just a definition.
"Draco could barely believe how sexy Hermione Granger could dance when she was…inhabited."
I believe the word you're searching for is 'uninhibited' which means to be without restraint, a common occurrence when imbibing alcohol, rather than 'inhabited' which means to be lived in.
Monday, 15th August 2011 - I don't usually make notes like this, but for this glorioux occasion, I'm making an exception. Yesterday, I sent a rather long and detailed message to another author on this site, whose story was on my alerts list. The story, itself, was interesting enough, but I felt it was let down by the writing style; a great many plot twists, the inclusion of far too many characters that were not pertinent to the storyline and the confusing sentence style. I took it upon myself to tell the author this, in an attempt to help her improve. Imagine my surprise when I received, not one, but two emails today, telling me that she had updated. No reply message but two new chapters to what is already quite a long and convoluted story. So I opened one up and clicked on the link, and lo and behold, there's a charming little message to flamers, in general, accusing them of being dark fairies who have to hurt authors because they, themselves, are in pain. Rather than return my message like an adult, she chose to post a note to all and sundry. My ire was raised. I am by nature a dark and sarcastic person, so I thought it only fitting that I applaud her somewhat accurate, albeit deluded, description. BUT I WAS THWARTED!!!
So, this little message goes out to a childish little person, who cannot take constructive criticism, who chooses to block a helpful hand, and believes that anyone who is critical of others' work is only reflecting their own inner pain. I hope you never hope to be published, because, my dear, what is it you think an editor does?
Signed, The Darkest Faerie.
I cannot continue to ignore this. The rampant romanticism that has infected today's youth, to the point of ignoring common sense; it annoys me to no end. The following story, which has been posted on many people's profiles, is a classic example. It disgusts me. I would hope that it is not a true story, but someone's tasteless mock-up of a tragic accident.
Pure Love Story
A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle.
Girl: Slow down I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not, please, its so scary.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I Love you, slow down.
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gave him a big hug.
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself, it's really bothering me.
The next day in the newspaper, a motorcycle crashed into a building due to brake failure. Two people were in the crash, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that the brakes weren't working, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him she loves him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live, even if it meant that he would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, copy this to your profile.
This is not pure love! It's stupidity! You aren't necessarily going to crash and die just because your brakes have failed. Obviously he didn't know how to ride his bike correctly, which brings into question the legality of his driving on the road in the first place. Secondly, why the hell isn't his girlfriend wearing a helmet as well? And what kind of stupid girl takes the helmet off her boyfriend just because he says it's bothering him?
Doesn't being sensible and continuing to live make more sense than this romantic twaddle that leaves one person dead and the other in mourning for the rest of their life? Are there really people out there who think like this?
10th November 2012: I met Vic Mignogna today and he was really nice. My sister and I were up all night preparing for the encounter (yes, we bought his autograph at an anime convention) but I tell you, it was totally worth it. It was worth only having 3.5 hours sleep. It was worth driving over an hour and half to the city were the convention was held. It was worth walking over five kms in the rain, up and down hills. It was worth standing in line for over an hour, listening to teenage girls fan-gasm in front of us, squeal, giggle hysterically and cry. It was totally worth over 8 hours drawing pictures of his characters so that he could sign our montage. Because he is awesome.
I will point out, though, that he has an almost obsessive need to say the word 'cute'. We, my sister and I, are not 'cute'. We do not watch any anime that could be classified as 'cute'. Our drawings were not of any characters that could be categorized as 'cute'. All in all, our experience of him, the drawings, the line up and the convention, was not 'cute'. Even reading that word makes me shudder. That was the only downer that continues to bring me down.
Profile Update: 16th November 2014: It's been quite a while since I was on here. Some of you may have noticed that updates have been quite thin on the ground, er web. But I'm studying again so, as I continually procrastinate, there will be new material. I'm feeling extremely vindicated of late, with the ending of Naruto and the confirmation of three canon couples that I supported. But I do owe you, my extremely nice followers and reviewers, an apology. As many of you know, I endeavour to reply to all of my reviewers, and I'm sure it gives you warm fuzzies to hear from me. Unfortunately, at a time I am not entirely sure of, my email program decided any emails from fanfiction, including your lovely reviews, was deemed to be SPAM and I completely missed them. I am sincerely sorry. Feel free to point out any missed replies and I will make it up to you, with your very own, dedicated chapter/story. Now, I'm going to sit back and see how many of you read this and contact me to redeem this offer.