Author has written 6 stories for Primeval, Twilight, and Hobbit.
Username: Secret-writer91 (Formally Wolfpack9610, Jayme112234)
Word Count: 272,355 August 2014, 329,309 January 2015
(Saw a couple other authors had this and liked it)
Fanfiction: Because 87% of all original endings suck.
Fanfiction: Because 95% of all plot twists are either predictable or stupid.
Fanfiction: Because my favorite characters always die.
Fanfiction: Because sometimes evil deserves to win.
Fanfiction: Because sometimes authors just don't know which of their own characters go together best.
Fanfiction: Because most authors aren't willing to write multiple versions of their stories just so we can see every possibility that arises.
Fanfiction: Because all stories shouldn't have an ending; there should always be another adventure.
Fanfiction: Because sometimes there's no one your age and gender who you can relate to.
Fanfiction: Because sometimes you want to be in that story yourself.
Fanfiction: Because sometimes you have no other way to express the ideas in your head.
Fanfiction: Because it's an escape.
14 Ways to annoy an Anti-Tolkien
1: Insult them in Elvish. Do not offer translations.
2: Tell them they’ll end up just like Denethor. Refuse to tell them what happened to Denethor.
3: Threaten to feed them to Shelob. Laugh evilly when they ask who Shelob is.
4: Quote Gandalf. Constantly. No matter how irrelevant the quotes are.
5: Say, "I would cut off your head for that, if it stood but a little higher from the ground" every time they insult LOTR/The Hobbit.
6: Play ‘LOTR in 99 seconds’ on a loop whenever they are around.
7: Walk barefoot all day. Say that you are getting in touch with your inner Hobbit.
8: Demand an explanation of why they dislike ‘the masterpieces of the esteemed Professor’ every time you see them.
9: Whenever they suggest doing something, refute it by saying, "One does not simply (insert verb here)".
10: Hum the Shire theme incessantly.
11: Whenever a plane flies overhead, shriek, "Wraiths! Wraiths on wings!" and go hide in a closet.
12: Base all English essays on the Lord of the Rings books or movies.
13: Constantly ask them what their elf eyes see.
14: Talk like Gollum.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (But, when else will I be able to do my hair?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (Ohhh...see, I thought different soap had different methods of use.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Aww, Damn! Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (I could make a snide remark about that, but I'm pretty tired.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (I'd say that method of ironing works very well.)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (That is correct, we need to stop them five year olds from driving them fancy cars.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Well, isn't that the intention?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (I had no idea there was an inbetween use.)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (..I have no idea what that means..)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Go figure...I wanted almonds!)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Good to know.)(Too bad about the other guy who everyone now calls 'Stumpy.')
On plastic wrapping: "Do not put on head...may result in suffociation." (But...suffocation is fun!)
On baby stroller: “Remove child before folding.” (*Sigh* If I must …)
On a brass fishing lure with a three pronged hook on the end: “Harmful if swallowed.” (I wonder who got to test that out?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD
For those who take life too seriously
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. (culture is a bacteria)
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair you brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
26. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your @ tomorrow.
27. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity, repost this one your profile!
1. Primeval Series - Rachel Colbrook:
Rachel Rae Colbrook - Nina Dobrev
The Rachel Colbrook Chronicles - Rachel Colbrook has always felt different. She doesn't know what it is but she knows that for some reason, she was meant for the world of the weird and wonderful. Working for a super secret government agency, Rachel knew she was bound to uncover some secrets. She just never expected for her entire life to be turned upside down by them. Stephen/OC. Becker/OC. Follows the full five seasons. REPOSTING.
2. Twilight - The Charmed Trilogy:
Aiden Ethan Matthews - Dean Geyer
Amelia Elizabeth Matthews - Rachel Bilson
- Aaron Joseph Lahote - N/A
Alicia Erica Matthews - Lucy Hale
Book One - The Power of Three - After the shock death of their grandmother, three siblings move into her home in Forks. However there is more to the trio than meets the eye and with Victoria still causing mayhem in the area there is a chance that the combined powers of both the Cullens and the Wolf Pack won't be enough to stop her. Eclipse. Paul/OC. Leah/OC. Embry/OC. COMPLETED.
Book Two - The Power of Love - Five months after they moved to Forks, the Matthews siblings are in for their biggest fight yet. Bella Swan has married Edward Cullen and fallen pregnant. How will this hybrid change things for the supernatural crowd? Will the baby bring up some bad memories for them? And what will happen when the Volturi learn about her? Breaking Dawn. Paul/OC. Leah/OC. Embry/OC. COMPLETED.
Book Three - The Power of Destiny - The Charmed ones thought that all of their problems were over after the defeat of the Volturi. Paul and Amelia are having a baby, Leah and Aiden are getting married and Embry and Alicia are focusing on graduating. However an old enemy is about to return and destroy the peace that the three witches have found. Post Breaking Dawn. Paul/OC. Leah/OC. Embry/OC. IN-PROGRESS.
3. The Hobbit - The Demi-God Tales:
Thalia Grace Hunter - Hayden Panettiere
Cornelia Jasmine Ashton - Naya Rivera
Paloma Annabeth Smith - Anna Popplewell
An Unexpected Journey - Princess Athena seeks out her grandmother to tell her one of her favourite stories. The story about the brave dwarf king, his company of twelve dwarves, the burglar hobbit, the witch from another world and their incredible journey across Middle Earth to reclaim their home land from a dragon. IN-PROGRESS.
There and Back Again - SEQUEL.
4. Twilight - Sophia Swan:
Sophia Noelle Hayward Swan - Blake Lively
- Mia Olivia Hayward Swan - N/A
Fiona Samantha Ashton - Emma Watson
- Austin William Ashton - N/A
Jason Oliver Scott - Chase Crawford
Love Comes from Unexpected Places - Charlie Swan thought that he had enough on his plate with his heartbroken and depressed daughter. The last thing that he expected was for his sister to send her disowned daughter to live with him. Sophia Swan is forced to move from New York to Forks with her newborn daughter after her parents threw her out. Will she be able to cope with Bella's odd behaviour? New Moon. Eclipse. Paul/OC. IN-PROGRESS.
Twilight - Jacob Black/OC.
Game of Thrones - Robb Stark/OC
Lorien Legacies - Four/OC
Night at the Museum - Ahkmenrah/OC
Twilight - Benjamin/OC
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