Conscience calls, I don't want to invest my time here anymore. I took a break, looked at how many hours I spent here and decided it was too much.
Thank you all for lending a helping hand, for what you guys could and were willing to provide. I went through some rough emotional times at home and I did find escape here, once. I loved talking with all of you and would have loved to meet with those that I talked with most in person. Still kind of do. I wonder how you grew over the years. I never thought I'd be where I'm at today, certainly.
Not entirely sure what to say. I want to pursue different interests, and I dont want to be ashamed of why. I'm choosing to focus on growing in my relationship with Jesus, and to accrue wisdom through that process instead of looking for the same circle of reasoning that I distilled from gleaning through the dross that makes up this site.
There were good times, and bad times, and entertainment abounded. But I stagnated in so much and lost so much time. I was introduced to new concepts, but there was no follow up. I couldnt learn skills to back up those concepts, and it caused me to suffer even though I could comprehend new ideas rapidly.
If you somehow stumble across this page.. I'll be praying for you. I don't know where you're at in your life. Stable, happy, unstable, faking that you're happy... Theres so many more walks of life, some with more hardship than others. You all introduced me to that, and as someone that was isolated for a good chunk of their formative years, it helped ease me back into society later. Not fully, but it was better than nothing. Still, in the middle of all this, I was in a position to hear something I hadn't since before fifth grade.
I learned that the God of all things was waiting for me to look up from my computer and realize that He values me so much, that He would exchange His own life for my own. His own life, more infinitely valuable than some random sinner in my own eyes, brought out and exchanged for my own without a second thought. I used to live in fear of a God that would squish me like a bug if I stepped out of line, and despaired. Now, I know a small part of who it was, exactly, that saved me from a worse fate than that, from apathy and selfishness and death. And now I want to learn more, about the qualities of the God that can show such utter love while never contradicting Himself that I can't write it out fully here.
This site was a help and a hindrance, but for all the help I've recieved, I'm realizing it was more of a hindrance than a boon.