Lilith Luciferia
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Joined 01-14-10, id: 2216356, Profile Updated: 05-19-13
Author has written 1 story for Star Trek: 2009.

I am naught more than a snarky, creepy, nineteen-year-old Goth woman with an undying love for all things darkly elegant, morbidly strange, bleakly tragic, and weirdly beautiful. I am an atheist and a general skeptic, as well as grey-asexual. I adore the dark and morbid (I own my stereotypes), so I like to include elements of horror and violence in my stories along with the adventure and humor I love to write. Therefore, in essence I confess that I do not consider myself a terribly fascinating person.

UPDATE: 19 May 2013*

Contrary to what my years of publishing inactivity probably imply, I have not left the site, nor have I lost interest in writing. I've been going through a years-long writer's block which is absolutely ridiculous beyond words and for which I do not pretend to have a good excuse, but I assure you, the moment I have adequately-formed ideas, I will begin writing and publishing again. I will probably end up writing Supernatural stories, and I would like to do, at the very least, some more short Star Trek pieces. Hopefully this summer will give me some time to work myself out of my inert rut, since I've gotten so many requests to write more (for which I'm grateful and flattered) and since I badly want to do so anyway. In the meantime, I apologize profusely and appreciate the patience of those of you who keep me on your alerts list despite my utter incompetence.

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On Your Left by Unoriginality reviews
Bucky decides to get in on Steve's bad joke.
Captain America - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 103 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 6 - Published: 5/8/2014 - Steve R./Capt. America, Bucky B., Sam Wilson/Falcon - Complete
The Official List of Unofficial Rules by Saphura reviews
When a new crew member joins the Enterprise, they are sent a set of rules they won't find anywhere else.
StarTrek: The Original Series - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 83 - Words: 58,520 - Reviews: 1273 - Favs: 341 - Follows: 310 - Updated: 2/17/2014 - Published: 12/2/2010
The Quirks of Jim Kirk by Dark Satirist reviews
Jim Kirk has many quirks. Here are twenty-six completely unrelated, random, crackish insights to his life. Emphasis on crack. Contains some mild cursing, Spock logic, and McCoy's hyposprays.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 45 - Words: 51,544 - Reviews: 491 - Favs: 589 - Follows: 411 - Updated: 3/27/2013 - Published: 3/2/2010 - J. Kirk - Complete
Let's Celebrate! by Lampito reviews
Sam returns the the motel room to find Dean celebrating, on behalf of Bobby. He doesn't think it's a very good idea, so Dean has to convince him with his awesome powers of persuasion. And a bottle of very expensive booze... a one shot.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,014 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 8 - Published: 3/14/2013 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Of Pranks and Stolen Goods by eichenschild reviews
Bilbo learns a very important lesson: never trust two young dwarves that have 'mischief' written all over their faces...
Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,675 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/5/2013 - Kili, Fili - Complete
Do not speak to me of loss by Tia-Pixie reviews
Thorin is not a forgiving man, but he thanks Aule his nephews are. Weighed down by grief as they come closer to where he lost his family, Thorin overreacts to his nephews' joke on the hobbit and does something he shouldn't. Fluffy, angsty, all about Thorin and his nephews. COMPLETE.
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,427 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 18 - Published: 1/4/2013 - Thorin, Fili, Kili - Complete
An Uncle's Wish by Joeys Littlelady reviews
Thorin prays that no harm befalls Fili or Kili, of course he does, but if anything were to happen to either of his nephews he has one wish.
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Family/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,317 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 246 - Follows: 26 - Published: 1/2/2013 - Thorin, Kili, Fili - Complete
Pure Research by Lampito reviews
Maybe it's been exacerbated by his habit of hanging around with humans, but Gabriel can be insatiably curious about things that his siblings just don't understand. Nonetheless, they agree to help him answer a question that's been bugging him for quite a long time. A one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 832 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/2/2012 - Gabriel - Complete
EO Challenge: Height of Bad Manners by Dizzo reviews
EO Challenge: WOW Stave. Sam can't do much wrong in Dean's eyes, but there is one thing that Dean can't forgive; one very BIG thing.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 162 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 9 - Published: 8/19/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Johnathan Livingstone Angel by Lampito reviews
The Winchesters have finished a job at the seaside, they're unhurt, they're enjoying the sun, the surf, the bikini babes, the ice-cream... er, why is that frightened demon attempting to attract their attention? A one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,211 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/16/2012 - Crowley, Castiel - Complete
The Jump by Maknatuna reviews
The third story from the series 'How To Hug Your Angel'. This time Gabriel comes up with something awful... Rated M for language
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,082 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/13/2012 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
EO Challenge: Every Home Should Have One by Dizzo reviews
EO Challenge: WOW Trap. Congratulations on purchasing the Dizzocorp Inc. Happihunter Humane Hunter Trap.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 262 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 16 - Published: 6/17/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Pack Up Your Troubles by Lampito reviews
God is more disappointed than angry with his wayward Archangels, and decides to send them to Earth to learn to behave more like brothers. Tearfully, they beg him not to turn them into humans. And so he doesn't... COMPLETE. Now includes Special Bonus Feature: Missing Scene!
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 24 - Words: 70,837 - Reviews: 445 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 6/7/2012 - Published: 4/14/2012 - Complete
Long Arm of the Law by Scullspeare reviews
A spirit in a coastal Maine town once known as a smugglers' haven, has taken the law into his own hands. Sam and Dean set out to stop him, turning the spirit's wrath on them. Case-fic, circa Season 2. Plenty of bro-mos and equal opportunity whumpage.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 14,847 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 7 - Published: 5/26/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Why No Evil Lab Should Have A SelfDestruct Button by clair beaubien reviews
Maybe Dick should've left the tablet where it was.
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 264 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/24/2012 - Dick Roman - Complete
You Are What You Eat by Dizzo reviews
Great big scary spoilers for 7.22 and 7.23. Dean still hasn't quite grasped that Sam knows him better than he knows himself which is a good job really, because where Dean's stomach is concerned, common sense can take a hike!
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 610 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 6 - Published: 5/23/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Comfortable by kototyph reviews
Prompt from orbiting saturn: "Crazy!Cas doesn't need to sleep, but he likes to. He also likes to use Sam as his bed." Mild spoilers for 7x22 and 7x23.
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,319 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 12 - Published: 5/22/2012 - Sam W., Castiel - Complete
No place like home by Beckydaspatz reviews
E/O challenge, WOW: Crush, Impala POV, spoilers for the S7 finale promo, hope all who read enjoy!
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 165 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 8 - Published: 5/13/2012 - Impala - Complete
EO Challenge: Bard Day at Black Rock by Dizzo reviews
EO Challenge: WOW Crush. During their research, the brothers have an accident with an authentic Shakespeare manuscript. The great bard is not amused and exacts a unique and entertaining well, from a spectator's point of view anyway revenge ...
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 182 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/13/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
EO Challenge: Guilty Pleasure by Dizzo reviews
EO Challenge: WOW Remote. Additional challenge - use it twice in two different contexts. Sam comes back from the pizza run a bit earlier than expected ...
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 141 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 5 - Published: 4/22/2012 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
The Pie Trip by TheYmp reviews
E/O Challenge: Tight. A 100-word drabble. Sam suffers after Dean recovers from a visit to a bar. No spoilers. Happy Birthday to Vanessa Sgroi!
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 182 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/8/2012 - Sam W., Dean W. - Complete
Would You Like Lembas With That? by Lyrical Ballads reviews
[Discontinued] Haldir experiences the joy and pain of working in a fast food restaurant. Oh, if only he had gone to college.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 40,232 - Reviews: 200 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 2/2/2012 - Published: 7/8/2010 - Haldir, Faramir, Peregrin T.
I Gripped Him Tight by Lampito reviews
It's what Castiel did, while saving Dean from himself... no, it's NOT slash, you naughty naughty Destiel fans, get your minds out of the gutter at once. Now turned into a series of unrelated one-shots. Until someone slaps me to make me stop.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 10,029 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 10/11/2011 - Published: 5/24/2011 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Cas' Milkshake by zeppx reviews
It brings all the boys to the yard.
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 571 - Reviews: 288 - Favs: 1,270 - Follows: 95 - Published: 9/6/2011 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
EO Challenge: Being Dean by Dizzo reviews
EO Challenge: A collection of 'old' drabbles; formerly posted as 'One Hundred Words of Winchester'. I present our lovely boy being gobby, obnoxious, smartass, awkward, and slightly dippy ... basically, being Dean. Rated T though most won't need it.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 13 - Words: 1,709 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 7 - Updated: 6/27/2011 - Published: 6/24/2011 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Cornfield Madness by Tavia reviews
We're back! In honor of On Stranger Tides, I offer you a new chapter in the cornfield, featuring popcorn, bickering, and responses to the recent movie. CONTAINS SPOILERS!
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 81,630 - Reviews: 416 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 5/21/2011 - Published: 11/11/2003
Letters by ingrid-matthews reviews
Promptfic: Watson has to be away for a few days. Holmes writes ... and writes ... and writes ...
Sherlock Holmes - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,525 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/2/2011 - J. Watson, S. Holmes - Complete
EO Challenge: Happy Birthday by Dizzo reviews
EO Challenge: WOW - Card. A special double drabble to mark a special occasion - Bobby's birthday. The boys decide to do something nice!
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 249 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/28/2010 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
EO Challenge: Fleece and Quiet by Dizzo reviews
EO Challenge: WOW - Sweatshirt. Both brothers have a secret ... two related drabbles, one from each brother's POV. As there is no rating for bile-inducing cuteness, I'm gonna run with a K ... friends; you have been warned!
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 275 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 12 - Published: 11/14/2010 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Playtime by KLMeri reviews
AU. Fun times ensue at Little Star Academy and Pike begins to realize that while he may be the adult, he's definitely not the one in charge. - COMPLETE
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 38,827 - Reviews: 287 - Favs: 250 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 10/13/2010 - Published: 9/22/2010 - Complete
It Could Happen to You by KLMeri reviews
If Kirk, Spock, and McCoy were trapped on a deserted island, who would crack first? Three different takes.
StarTrek: The Original Series - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,391 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 24 - Published: 7/10/2010 - Complete
A Very Foul Mouthed Recap: SHERLOCK HOLMES by The Recapper of Badassery reviews
A recap of Sherlock Holmes. Is it accurate? BARELY. Is it fun? I HOPE SO. Is it safe-for-work? NOT UNLESS YOU'RE A SAILOR. Will it kill about an hour of your time? PROBABLY. Do you have that kind of time to waste? YES.
Sherlock Holmes - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 21,125 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 6/7/2010 - Published: 4/7/2010
Things the Crew Can No Longer Do by Kuroi Atropos reviews
50 Things that the Enterprise Crew are No Longer Allowed to Do - I know this has probably been done before, but I was in the mood for some comedy. Added Chap 2: The crew, headed up by Captain Kirk, plot their replies to the Admirals. I'm really done now.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: T - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,324 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 174 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 6/3/2010 - Published: 12/4/2009 - Complete
Things Holmes Has Ingested by pretend-to-care reviews
Holmes shares a discovery with Watson, leading the doctor to wonder just what else Holmes has nommed over the years. No slash, just a joyful romp through Holmes's insanity. Rated because the doctor is operating.
Sherlock Holmes - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,732 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 7 - Published: 5/31/2010 - S. Holmes, J. Watson - Complete
Ghatto! by Come Lady Death reviews
Data experiments with some slang terms. Random fun, stupid stuff late at night. No flames, please, just nice things. :
StarTrek: The Next Generation - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 478 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/17/2009 - Data - Complete
Has Anyone Seen My Red Shirt? by Ster J reviews
Kirk is searching for his holiday shirt as McCoy and Spock have to be creative in decorating the ship's Christmas tree.
StarTrek: The Original Series - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 316 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 10 - Published: 12/9/2009 - J. Kirk, Spock - Complete
Therapy by Chapin CSI reviews
First, Dr. McCoy tried a little Group Therapy to deal with certain pesky crewmembers, including Kirk and Spock. Now, he decides that "Laughter is the best therapy". One problem: Mr. Spock never laughs.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,182 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 11/28/2009 - Published: 7/13/2009 - J. Kirk, Spock - Complete
As I Lay Dreaming by Lil black dog reviews
A brief look at Kirk's thoughts several days after Spock's death in WOK.
StarTrek: The Original Series - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 420 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Published: 11/12/2009 - J. Kirk - Complete
Above and Beyond the Call of Duty by Closet Scrawler reviews
Kirk must rescue Spock from a diplomatic... error. -Not slash-
StarTrek: The Original Series - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,045 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 218 - Follows: 13 - Published: 10/25/2009 - J. Kirk, Spock - Complete
A Day in the Woods by Dana Katherine reviews
This is my version of the "An innocent conversation is overheard and percieved as something not so innocent" scenario. Hope you like it!
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 651 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 21 - Published: 10/17/2009 - J. Kirk, L. McCoy/Bones - Complete
Five and One: Spock Wins, Usually by Penbrydd reviews
For the crackmeme. Spock vs. Jim in TOS inevitably ends with Spock whupping the tar out of Jim. In the nu!verse, Jim gets one win. Sort of. In a way. It's like winning, but with more fail.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,704 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 8 - Published: 9/28/2009 - J. Kirk, Spock - Complete
LISTEN ALL Y'ALL by Fair Hearing reviews
Quote: "In TOS, The Shatnerian Kirk cannot say 'Sabotage.' Instead, we get 'Sabataage.'" A bridge-crew conference goes horribly, horribly wrong. This was inexplicably popular on the kink meme.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 662 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/12/2009 - J. Kirk - Complete
Eavesdropping by Carynna reviews
Scotty learns the consequences of secretly listening to the crew’s private conversations. Humor, oneshot.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 800 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/6/2009 - M. Scott/Scotty - Complete
Overheard by SciFanGurl1990 reviews
One-Shot. McCoy overhears an "intimate" conversation between the Captain and his First Officer.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 542 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 7 - Published: 6/8/2009 - J. Kirk, Spock - Complete
I Am Told by The-Warrior-Ielius reviews
Data truly never realized that he could, indeed, show emotion. Disturbance, sadness, want, friendship. Please R&R
StarTrek: The Next Generation - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 58 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/9/2009 - Data - Complete
Asking Jesus For Shoes by Alara Rogers reviews
On a trip to the 20th century, Q plays a prank on a group of humans. Picard is not amused. The deeply religiously sensitive may want to avoid this, although it mocks hypocrisy more than Christianity.
StarTrek: The Next Generation - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,153 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/3/2009 - J. Picard, Q - Complete
The Fellowship Academy by Faramir Fancier reviews
The Fellowship, along with other characters, decide to open a school. Not everything goes as planned, and what will happen on Open House Night? Features Aragorn teaching PE, Haldir, and everyone's favorite human, Boromir! Also includes Legolas.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 10,836 - Reviews: 134 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/9/2004 - Published: 6/12/2004
Chicken Noodle Soup For the Trekkie Soul by Tavia reviews
This is a Star Trek serial. About time I thought of calling it that. Gone on Indefinite Shore Leave
StarTrek: The Original Series - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 50 - Words: 137,732 - Reviews: 601 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 3/8/2004 - Published: 7/19/2002
Five Times Spock Scared Chekov reviews
and One Time He Didn't. Spock seems to frighten so many people without intending or realizing it. Here are related the tales of five times Pavel Chekov fell victim to this phenomenon, and one time Spock wasn't so bad. My first story. Reviews are adored.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 29,199 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 189 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 1/9/2011 - Published: 10/12/2010 - Spock, P. Chekov - Complete
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