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Joined 01-19-10, id: 2223327, Profile Updated: 10-26-11
Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter.

I dislike slash for the same reason I dislike a lot of other fanfiction.

Yes, fanfic is there so that you can make your own changes to canon, whether those changes take the form of simple addition or continuation... or, actual alterations of the universe.

If you make a significant change to a character's background or behavior, or likewise alter the workings of the established universe, you must give convincing, satisfying reasons for doing so. You have to take the time, in story, to explain these changes.

If you fail to do this, the only readers that won't complain are those too lazy to write a review, and the ones that are too vapid to notice, too apathetic/complacent to be bothered by it, or so eager for the intellectual equivalent of reheated fast food you're serving up to ever dream of being offended at the notion of being fed blatant garbage and empty calories.

Harry is straight in canon. I don't care what kind of a numbnuts conspiracy monkey you are, you cannot argue that. JKR would have been more than happy to out him in an interview, were he actually a gay man resigned to marrying a woman just for the acceptance of his ersatz family.

Bearing this in mind, any imagined subtext of Harry's supposed homosexual leanings are just that, imagined. However, yes, you could try to stretch any would-be sub-textual clues into actual facts in fanfiction.

The problems flood in when you see that the vast and overwhelming majority of slash writers don't want to do the legwork necessary to realistically turn straight, canon Harry into gay Harry. They want instant satisfaction of their masturbatory and/or wish-fulfillment fantasies, not a hard slog through the landscape of writing a realistic story about an abused and neglected boy, who has the weight of the world on his shoulders and the eyes of a fickle populace scrutinizing his every move, discovering his own sexuality and his struggle to reconcile that with his loveless upbringing and the possibility that his homosexuality could make him even more hated than he already is -to say nothing of what his homosexuality could mean for the future of his family name, as the last Potter in a society that often values blood and tradition above all else.

This lack of effort to make the story BELIEVABLE is compounded by their incessant need to pair Harry with either scumbags whom he wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole, or with old men he has even less acquaintance with than interest. Seriously, Draco? Lucius, Snape, Remus, Sirius... VOLDEMORT!!!

What the abstract fuck?

This drooling, panting need to put leather pants on the villains is often the first and biggest rotting brick in the shoddy so-called foundation of nearly every slash fic ever.

And what attempt is made at explaining Harry's sudden and complete 180 in sexual preference AND his sudden attraction to people he wishes didn't exist and/or said people's miraculous transformation into good guys who no longer look like pale, scrawny rats; albino snake men, or greasy, hook-nosed troglodytes, with filthy oral hygiene?

None. The majority of the time, there is no explanation, justification, or even a "Tell, Don't Show" heads-up to let you know this is a complete AU where the villains are all bishonen, gay hobos frolic on Big Rock Candy Mountain, and -oh, by the way- Harry is a shirt-lifter who loves to bottom for the people who have collectively been ninety-seven percent responsible for making his entire existence a living hell.

And, yeah, why is Harry nearly always the bottom? Not just 'on the bottom' but an actual, 24/7 submissive. It can't be because he's "so pretty", since that's supposedly Draco's stock in (the rough) trade as well, yet he's still the one usually bending Harry over.

Although, considering the dubious efforts made at pairing him with a 'good guy' usually lead to him bottoming for Cedric Diggory during Harry's fifth year... Yes, Cedric, whose death is completely ignored, rather than the author even making the negligible effort to retcon it in an author's note. He's alive; don't question it. These people can't think the hard thoughts, because it would require them to remove at least one of their hands from their privates, or their page down key, and they can only do so much at once.

Of course, some pair Harry with Cedric during the Tournament... so you have the squick of socially-isolated, young, inexperienced, Harry being 'groomed' by a prefect, legal adult, and competitor in a potentially fatal contest.

No conflicts there.

Of course, I think Harry/Cedric is mainly just a way for the Twilight 'schlick-girls' to pair Harry and Edward Cullen without having to bother writing an actual crossover.

And the reasons for Harry/Cedric are every bit as valid as those for Bella/Edward.

Which is to say that, at best, there are no reasons and, at worst, it's equal parts lame and fucking creepy on every goddamned level.

So, yeah, Harry/good-guy isn't so great, either.

Most slash is just as fail-tastic as the fics that start out with Harry discovering his parents left behind a hidden bachelor pad with a widescreen plasma TV, Blu-Ray player, and a full complement of modern game consoles... even though they died decades before those things existed, just because the writer really wishes they had a mountain of free, hi-tech swag suddenly dropped on their doorstep.

Except that the slash is worse, for all the reasons listed above.

Not my words, but I agree with everything said.

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Awaken Sleeper by Water Mage reviews
For years Harrison Potter has been in a mental institution living dreams of magic, wizards, and dark lords. Eventually the dreamer has to awaken. His reality has to be accepted as fantasy. Although some things stay the same... Dresden Files xover.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Adventure - Chapters: 27 - Words: 194,549 - Reviews: 1878 - Favs: 4,033 - Follows: 4,030 - Updated: 10/4/2015 - Published: 4/7/2008 - Harry P.
Catalyst by jaded-alchemist reviews
In which Harry, Hermione, and Ron get sucked into Middle Earth by way of a defunct portkey on their way to the Quidditch World Cup. Set in the beginning of GoF/The Hobbit. Rated M for violence and language.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 27,119 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 206 - Follows: 308 - Updated: 5/27/2015 - Published: 9/2/2014 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., Gandalf
Thinking in Little Green Boxes by Diresquirrel reviews
A certain young wizard ends up at 4 Privy Drive instead of 4 Privet Drive. He is raised with loving care by a cuddly Merc with a Mouth. WARNING: now with 19.96% more Death Eaters and a Rodent of Death.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Deadpool - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 48 - Words: 103,699 - Reviews: 992 - Favs: 3,072 - Follows: 2,416 - Updated: 11/21/2013 - Published: 6/28/2010 - Harry P.
Extending the Boundaries by Orodruin reviews
As he begins to come into his own, Harry Hatake must find a way to make a name for himself and break out of his brother's shadow. But the past won't be left behind and with an old threat reemerging, Harry may find he needs more help than ever. SOI Sequel.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 8 - Words: 40,841 - Reviews: 329 - Favs: 819 - Follows: 1,142 - Updated: 9/14/2013 - Published: 12/6/2010 - Harry P., Kakashi H.
Harry amidst the Vaults of Stone by NothingPretentious reviews
Following the fall of Voldemort, it is up to the Gringotts goblins to carry out the terms of the Potters' will. What will happen when young Harry Potter - halfblood, Parselmouth, curse-scarred, outsider - is raised in the stalagmite city of Underfoot?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 28 - Words: 157,245 - Reviews: 2242 - Favs: 4,137 - Follows: 4,742 - Updated: 5/24/2013 - Published: 2/23/2011 - Harry P.
Uchiha Fukurou by ToBetasered reviews
Uchiha Fukurou was conceived when at the same moment, in another universe, Old Man Potter died.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 85,861 - Reviews: 2351 - Favs: 6,140 - Follows: 5,705 - Updated: 5/3/2012 - Published: 7/4/2011 - Harry P., Mikoto U.
Anything and Everything by Nugar reviews
AU It finally happened. Hinata was made heir to the clan, and Hanabi was going to be sealed. Desperate, she promises anything and everything to any man or being who can give her freedom. The Kyubi answers, and a deal is made.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 13,784 - Reviews: 192 - Favs: 427 - Follows: 455 - Updated: 6/25/2011 - Published: 4/1/2009 - Hanabi H., Kyuubi/Kurama
Darkly Dreaming Harry by Lineape reviews
Five minutes pass before the neighbors decide to call triple nine; another ten before the fire-engine arrives. The Dursleys were dead long before that. Psychopath!Intelligent!Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 37,801 - Reviews: 820 - Favs: 1,974 - Follows: 2,026 - Updated: 11/29/2010 - Published: 2/17/2010 - Harry P.
Sword and Magic by bluminous8 reviews
After a devastating battle in the Department of Mysteries, Harry Potter finds himself transported in a strange world in the company of Jedi Knight Aayla Secura. Is this the will of the Force that their two fates intertwine?
Crossover - Star Wars & Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 52,101 - Reviews: 450 - Favs: 2,914 - Follows: 2,993 - Updated: 10/27/2010 - Published: 9/26/2010 - Aayla S., Harry P.
The Dark Chronicles by SylvanDreamer reviews
Three babies. One misinterpreted prophecy. The wrong boy is chosen and that mistake could prove to be the undoing of the Wizarding World when the real savior is raised by the darkness. dark Harry. future slash. rewrite of previous fic.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 19,318 - Reviews: 152 - Favs: 299 - Follows: 419 - Updated: 10/22/2010 - Published: 9/19/2010 - Harry P., Voldemort
A Clock on the Face of Hell by IdSayWhyNot reviews
Fate was sealed that night. I was to live and fight, to breathe and conquer. The night I died and lived England celebrated the end of the nightmare that had yet to begin and praised the baby they would later fear and hate. I am Harry Potter. I am legend.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 52,514 - Reviews: 310 - Favs: 1,029 - Follows: 1,091 - Updated: 9/20/2010 - Published: 6/25/2010 - Harry P., F. Flitwick
A Darker Sort of Mage by MercuryPilgrim reviews
Hidden away in his tower, Harry Potter is a name unknown. The Dark One. The Illusionist. The Sorcerer. To the peasants in an age where magic was known and feared by all, that is who he is. To Merlin though, he is the Enemy. A Middle Ages fic. Dark!Harry
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,281 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 95 - Published: 7/27/2010 - Harry P.
The Raven's Anger by oso1991 reviews
He was abandoned by the Dursleys in New York City. Found by an Italian mobster surrounded by ravens, he grew to be the most powerful Don that New York ever witnessed. Absolutely ruthless and feared by all, what happens now when he is found by Dumbledore?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Crime/Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 48,849 - Reviews: 1036 - Favs: 4,165 - Follows: 4,015 - Updated: 7/24/2010 - Published: 2/9/2010 - Harry P., Daphne G.
Crack’d Mirror by cloneserpents reviews
What happens when a botched ritual switches a Harry from an evil mirror universe with our hero? Will the world survive? Post OotP Parody/Erotic Comedy Evil!Harry/multiple partners/femmslash
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 162,650 - Reviews: 476 - Favs: 2,106 - Follows: 1,677 - Updated: 6/9/2010 - Published: 1/31/2008 - Harry P.
What is in a Soul by KySinne reviews
Harry’s world is turned upside down as everything he knows is torn away from him. Golems, Time travel, Soul magic.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 44,580 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 369 - Follows: 497 - Updated: 5/6/2010 - Published: 4/10/2010 - Harry P.
Lost Time by Amerision reviews
After his last battle with Voldemort, eighteen year old Harry wakes up in the future. He’s older, next to a wife he never married and working as the Ministry of Magic’s finest expert in solving murders. They tell him that he won, but Harry knows better...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 37,094 - Reviews: 205 - Favs: 420 - Follows: 461 - Updated: 3/13/2009 - Published: 2/17/2008 - Harry P., Hannah A.
Magus Emissarius by ArchMagusNorth reviews
AU Harry Potter is created by Magic itself in the line of Peverell to bring balance on planet Earth. He is Quiet, mistaken to be autistic, but dangerous when needed, and is One of two candidates for "Chosen One" along with his twin sister. Powerful!Harry
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 11 - Words: 79,193 - Reviews: 860 - Favs: 2,139 - Follows: 2,557 - Updated: 2/4/2009 - Published: 3/30/2008 - Harry P., Luna L.
Compulsion reviews
Pre-Hogwarts - Albus Dumbledore decided that a little extra security would go a long way. What could be wrong about wanting them to raise him like a son? It's just a little compulsion spell after all, and Harry Potter must be protected.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,269 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 10/4/2010 - Published: 9/28/2010 - Harry P., Dudley D.
Orodruin (32)