Jasmine19teamEmmett
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Joined 01-25-10, id: 2230399, Profile Updated: 01-26-10
Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.

Fine Bella you can have Edward Ill take Emmett

Name: Jasmine

Age:19

I live in Anchorage Alaska love it I'm a huge fan of : Twilight,avatar just saw the movie umm harry potter the movies not the books never read the books I love to read but unfortunately I saw the movie first and I think that ruins the books it makes me mad when people saw twilight before reading the books just saying oh yeah I was saying my fav things well umm... new moon is my fav book and movie and I love all vampire movies and the books vampire kisses hope they make it into a movie it would be awesome.umm ok thats all for now i guess. Ive never had a myspace or any of that stuff but im a huge fan of fan fiction and that's it k bye.

Advantages Of Being A Woman Why it's better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

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Don't I Know You? by Not All Heroes Wear Capes reviews
Edward can read Bella's mind, and always has done even though she lives in Pheonix, but here's the catch. Bella can read his too & knows what he is. They are best friends but have never actually met, so what happens when events take them both to Forks?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 12 - Words: 130,770 - Reviews: 1168 - Favs: 1,124 - Follows: 998 - Updated: 2/20/2011 - Published: 11/17/2009 - Bella, Edward
Sucks To Be ME by platowasabore reviews
Around the time that I found myself standing over the silently writhing Jared, the most popular guy in school, on the ground after i just kicked him in the groin one thought made itself most prominent in my mind 'Why me' Kim/Jared
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 40,972 - Reviews: 361 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 168 - Updated: 1/1/2010 - Published: 7/20/2009 - Kim, Jared
Help Me, Save Me by Not All Heroes Wear Capes reviews
When Edward left, he wanted Bella to have a vampire free life. But what if they weren't the only vampires interested in her? Her life is just one big disaster, but can the Cullens help her when she needs them most? When she is in a mental institution?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Supernatural - Chapters: 20 - Words: 141,927 - Reviews: 631 - Favs: 375 - Follows: 294 - Updated: 12/5/2009 - Published: 5/6/2009 - Bella, Edward
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Bella's Journey reviews
Its been 2 years since Edward left in new moon Bella is a drug addict and prostitute completely alone in the world.she decides she going to Alaska so the Denali family can help her find the Cullen's. I suck at summary's first fanfic. I don't own twilight
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,792 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 8/16/2010 - Published: 1/27/2010 - Bella, Edward
The Siren reviews
Bella is a human with the ability to make any creature love her by singing one day she decides shes going to pay the Volturi a visit with her many vampire guards. ooc no Edward maybe
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,184 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 11 - Published: 2/13/2010 - Bella