Author has written 2 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and Young Justice.
i like PJO. currently working on a story with a friend hopefully it will be up soon. i have a bf and am NOT looking.
i read a lot of the PJO storys u guys write and would like to shair how and when i review them: when i read a story i liek to read the whole thing b4 i review it. i dont send feedback on every chapter. normally its the last chap.unless i have been reading the story or if the chapter was really good.
O u see feedback from me and its only the last chap. posted DO NOT THINK IT WAS BAD READ THE REVIEWS AND LISTEN TO THE READERS. trust me im a Dr.
but u should still listen to me.
There is nothing to fear but fear itself. and spiders. Right Athena?
Im not random u just cant think as fast as me.
Im not as random as u think i salad...
songs for later chapters in Love At Camp Half-Blood:
THE MORSE CODE:
ELECTION - RESULTS:
A DECIMAL POINT:
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER (I love these, they're f*ing hilarious)
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS WHEN:
1.You buy everything you see with an owl or trident on it.
2.You yell “Burrito Fight!” whenever you’re in a Mexican restaurant.
3.You checked to make sure your vice-principal doesn’t have a tail.
4.You know which pages the good parts are on.
5.You suddenly hate thunderstorms.
6.You start hearing Percabeth in every song you hear.
7.You started calling your dog Mrs. O’Leary.
8.You start figuring out who your godly parent is. (Poseidon or Athena)
9.You never looked at a ballpoint pen the same way again.
10.You have a plan to get out of school early on May 5th so you can buy The Last Olympian, read it, and still have time to do your homework.
11.You ask the cashier at the store if they stock Mythomagic cards.
12.You start doing pro/con lists in your head. During Math. When you’re supposed to be taking notes.
13.You start spelling character names out of your spelling words.
14.You start loving blue plastic hairbrushes and anyone who wields them.
15.Each day you check every fan site you know of for new information.
16.You try to figure out how much food dye you need to turn chocolate chip cookies blue. (Thank you food coloring!)
17.You make references to it in school reports and/or to friends that haven’t read it.
18.The first thing you ask someone when you meet them is, “Have you read PJO?”
19.On your trip to Washington D.C. you thought of Annabeth every time you saw a monument.
20.You yell “Mizzenmast!” whenever you enter a boat.
21.You dream about PJO every night.
22.You curse a god/goddess a lot. (I say, "Oh my Gods" and "What the Hades?" a lot)
23.You have one (Or more) pictures relating to PJO in your room
24.You know PJO better then most sane people (Along with most people, period.)
25.You have links to every great PJO site
26.You add things to the list every day
27.You know what you would do if you were Percy
28.You argue with your friends about if Nico should turn evil or not
29.At least half of your friends have read all the PJO, or are going to in the very near future (I keep re-reading The Last Olympian)
30.You wish you could find a rainbow to see if Iris messages work
31.For April Fools, you put a piece of paper over a card/cards and told your friends that they were Myth-O-Magic cards and they understood
32.Your friends all have a godly parent, and so do you, and your family, and your extended family, and your far, far, far away cuzs'
33.You are trying to learn Greek.
34.You keep thinking about one of the PJO books when you go on a trip.
35.Every language you know is some form of Ancient greek.
36.You shriek everytime you see a guy with black hair and green eyes.
37.You have an instant crush on Nico! Okay I don't, but Nico is Beast!
38.You just have to research more about greek mythology (Did that. Know almost everything now.)
39.You call up the Camp Half Blood number in LT.
40.You want to learn Latin
42.You copy/paste this onto your profile
43.About 75-100 of your fics are PJO related, even if it is a cross over
44.You have taken every test you can find about what demigodly parent you would/do/should have, and your friends have as well or are going to
45.You make sure all of your friends (Or most of them), have an idea about what you say when talking about PJO
46.Your friends (At least one), think you are obbsessed with PJO, and you agree
47.A friend (or more), think you should start taking pills and/or going to a mental doctor, because you are so obsessed
48.You have one or more things related to PJO on your school stuff, and if someone asks you why, you tell them
49.You have something on your school things (Or home things), that says 'Daughter (Or son if you're a guy) of God/goddess', and you don't even try to hide it, even if it says daughter of Name of unliked god/goddess
50.You’re nodding and smiling when you read this
51.You were so busy reading that you missed number 41
52.You are planning on adding a lot more things to this list
53.You have done at least 15 (Or more) of the above things
If you've ever started reading FanFiction from the moment you come home from school at four until 4 am when your mother threatens to donate your computer to a charity shop, copy and paste this on to your profile.
If you have ever yelled at the book you were reading because the characters did something stupid post this on your profile
If you've ever run into something big and obvious in public, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.
Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If Fanfiction is your way of escaping reality and the rest of the boring people in the world and truly "unleashing your imagination" then paste this in your profile and add your name: Emerald Princess 14, StardustFromThePlanetGallifrey, NarnianLady, KingdomHeartsNerd, Lady Alice101, TheOnlyMarauderette, ChildoftheSeaGod
If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. (My friends think I am abnormal 4 this one, but I take that as a compliment)
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile
When you steal your friend's pen you believe it's justified because your dad is the god of thieves, and you thought it was Riptide and had to check to make sure Percy was still alive.
You write fanfiction constantly, even when you're not at your computer.
When your mom grounds you from the computer, you blame it on a combination of Nemesis, Hera and Hermes' little joke.
You want Hephaestus to fix your iPod when it breaks. (More like my laptop.)
You give all your siblings and/or friends god parents (Aphrodite, Hephaestus, Hermes, and Hades)
You call the "Ares kids", or school bullies, Martians.
You quiz fellow fans on the minor gods and win
You spend time doing pointless research, just because Rick Riordan linked it on his site.
You still think Thuke could happen. (Eh, no. I don't really mind Thuke, even if I'm more of a Thalico person, but no, that's done for.)
You imagine the gods alone, and what they really do on the Superbowl.
You think Percy's extended family needs extensive therapy.
You have a countdown to the Demigod Files because of the mention of Percabeth.
You want Kronos buried under Witchita, Kansas in a safe deposit toothpick box. No one will ever look there, and hopefully he'll be too tiny to bother the locals.
Your mother thinks you need (I did one time, and my mom looked at me all weird) to get a boyfriend, as does your father to cure your obsession.
You blame your little brother's desire to turn off your Internet in the middle of this review on Hermes' anger that you've joked about all of them.
You imagine random unwritten PJO moments during class and laugh. When one brave soul unaware of your obsession broaches the question of why you were laughing, you try to explain.
They think you are nuts because you are laughing at Hades' wild card of Nico
You think of creative names for Percy besides Seaweed Brain, such as kelphead16 because his head is full of kelp and there's an 85 chance he'll die at the age of sixteen.
You wonder if you'll be able to drive a car come your 16, provided Percy saves the world, because of that.
You know you're obsessed when you lose something, and say, "Come on Hermes! Give it back!!"
You think all the popular girls at your school are children of Aphrodite. And say to all the braniacs at your school if Athena is okay.
You go on YouTube and look at PJO themes for characters.
You read page 287 of BotL over and over again or say the lines in your head
Your internet homepage is Rick Riordan's blog.
You and your other PJO obsessed friend cracks up if any one mentions the word Canada or Canadians.
You and your PJO obsessed friend start a fan club with only you two in it.
You get other people obsessed.
You have constant vivid dreams about the fifth book.
You spend most of your time thinking what will happen in the fifth book.
You jump up and down at the idea of LT becoming a movie.
You know exactly what someone means when they say LT, SoM, TC, BotL, TLO, PJO and use it in conversations.
Your favorite quote of all time comes from PJO.
You and your friend has "diss-wars" using PJO CHARACTERS (My friend Athena is going to make up dumb, oh wait you already are).
When someone dies, you give them a sack of red rubber balls for Cerberus.
Every time you see a guy in a wheelchair you think "Chiron!!”
You find yourself saying things like "Oh my gods!" and "What the Hades?"
When your boyfriend dumps you, you take the oath of the hunters
You put an offering to Demeter next to your garden.
You go up to a teacher in a wheelchair and say, "I know who you really are, Chiron…"
You say "Maia!" when you are wearing shoes.
You Know You're Obsessed With Percy Jackson and the Olympians When...
~There’s a thunderstorm going on and you scream, “CALM DOWN, ZEUS!”
~Every time you use the Internet, you thank Hermes.
~When you see Harry Potter, you think of Percy with glasses.
~You burn food to see if it smells good.
~You see an owl, you go, “Hi Athena!”
~Everyone else is creating a Twilight family and you create a PJO family.
~You go on a cruise and you hope the boat isn’t The Princess Andromeda…
~You sometimes try to control water.
~You don't read anything but PJO for 3 months. Best 3 months of your LIFE!
~You've gone to Google maps and looked up Camp Half-Blood’s address.
~Even though not diagnosed, you claim you have ADHD or dyslexia and blame it on your God parent. I actually DO have A.D.D
~You yell "Annabeth!" every time you see a NY Yankees hat.
~You make the PJO characters on Sims, as Miis on the Wii, and other video games.
~Anytime you see an orange shirt, you look at the front of it to see if it is a Camp Half-Blood shirt.
~You are a PJO character for Halloween.
~Recite lines randomly from the books.
~When you see/hear about anything mythology-related, you talk about how it was in PJO (what page, book, etc.) and what happened to it.
~Buy anything New York or San Francisco-related.
~You are suddenly obsessed with Adidas shoes because they have the Hermes symbol.
~You claim that Percy IS real and lives in New York no matter how much your friends argue with you.
~You have dreams about PJO characters/events.
~You carry a ballpoint pen in your pocket.
~That every time you pick up a pen, you think it'll turn into a sword.
~In the beginning of your first History class, you burst out "Will we be studying Greek mythology?!"
~You pretend (or actually) faint when someone asks "Who's Percy?"
~When someone mentions the name Percy (like Percy Weasley) you scream "JACKSON!"
~You are known to scream names of the characters at random times.
~You've got any copy of any book in all your backpacks/binders in case of emergencies .
~You make a list of characters never to anger, like this one and why:
-Thalia- Want her for your friend, hate her for your enemy.Also shes a hunter, her aim with an arrow is very accurate...
-Athena- She scares Percy more than Zeus. Also, she cannot be distracted and her plans always work.
-Hades- Um, this one is rather obvious- also you might not be buried with a drachma in your pocket.
-Hermes- Cutting off your Internet access would be slow and painful torture. Also I blame the economy crisis on Luke's stealing federal funds.
-Aphrodite- She's preoccupied with Percabeth and trust me, I don’t want to waste her time!
~You write fanfiction constantly, even when you're not at your computer.
~You give all your siblings god parents
~You call the "Ares kids", or school bullies, Martians.
~You quiz fellow fans on the minor gods and win.
~You spend time doing pointless research at , just because Rick Riordan linked it on his site.
~You still think Thuke could happen. I don't support Thuke, but anythings possible!
~You plan several statements to avoid Apollo's lines and remember he's a player, should he ever hit on you, and several ways to get out of being cursed.Don't let Apollo hear you say that.
~You imagine the gods alone, and what they really do on the Superbowl.
~Your mother thinks you need to get a boyfriend, as does your father to cure your obsession.
~You read page 203 of BotL over and over again or say the lines in your head.
~You know exactly what someone means when they say LT, SoM, TC, BotL, tLO PJO and use it in conversations.
~You find yourself saying things like "Oh my gods!" and "What the Hades?"
~When your boyfriend dumps you, you take the oath of the hunters.
~You go to the empire state building and ask for the 600th floor. When the dude at the desk looks at you weird,you announce that you’re a demigod.Works every time.
~You put in grey contacts and pretend that you are Annabeth Umm, no, I love Annabeth as much as any PJO obsessive, but I don't want to be her.
~You curse out the gods when something bad happens.
~You watch the show and read the book every chance you get.
~You claim that you are a demigod and need to go to Camp in New York.
~You go to New York and ask for a man named Chiron and that you need to go with him.
~You look for a Latin teacher that is in a wheelchair and loves to throw Greek field days.
~You try to find Rachel and ask her for a prophecy.
~Every time a major water storm or earthquake happens, you scream at Poseidon Well no, unless I have a death wish.
~Every time something or someone dies that you are close to, you blame Hades.
~You’re in a running/swimming race, and you’re praying and sacrificing to Hermes/Poseidon.
~You think that your favorite singer is a child of Apollo.
~Someone close to you dies and you give them money (LOTS of it) just in case…
~You’re on a boat and you pray that Poseidon is in a good mood.
~You’re in the air (hang-gliding, cliff-diving, bungee jumping, flying, in a plane, etc.) and you hope Zeus is in a good mood and won’t blast you out of the air.
~You go to Aunty Em’s and say you’re camera shy.
~You find your true love and thank Aphrodite for sending him/her to you.
~You think George Bush is a son of Ares (he’s dumb and violent you know!). You really don't want to let Ares hear that. Unless you want an extremely painful death of course, but I doubt you do...
~You know Muse is the best singers. Get it, the Nine Muses??? What? I don- OH! I GET IT! Heh.
~Bring a blue plastic hairbrush with you everywhere.
~When it gets really cold randomly, blame Kronos.
~You get really mad at Hades when a family member dies.
~Every time you play dodgeball, you bring a suit of armor.
~You go to San Fransisco looking for the Old Sea Man.
~Whenever your Internet slows down, you yell at the sky and say "HERMES! WHY DO YOU LOVE ANNOYING ME?!"
~You pray to Athena when you don’t study for a math test.
~And when you flunk the test, you blame her irritation on Percabeth.
~You want Hephaestus to fix your iPod when it breaks.
~When someone gets married, you say: "I hope you shall not anger Hera" Ya, be nice to Hera if you're a newly wed, or engaged.
~You cried when you finished TLO.
~You eat, sleep, and breathe Percabeth.
~Every school book you own has PJO stuff scribbled on each page.
~You're in love with a fictional character. No, I love fictional characters but I'm not in love with fictional characters
~You and your BFFL call yourselves geeks because you sit around and talk about PJO.
~You own homemade replicas of things from the PJO series.
~You dream of going to Camp Half-Blood.
~If you want to push Rachel Elizabeth Dare off a cliff. Sometimes, If she tries to flirt with Percy though, Annabeth and I will set her on fire, and THEN push her off a cliff into Tartarus!
~ You buy everything you see with an owl or trident on it.
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts: (Oooo!! I love these!)
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. SHUT UP! NORMAN PWNS!
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms." But what if he is?
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive. DAMN IT!
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day." That. Was. EPIC!
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways. Dun dun. Dun-dun dun dun. dun. DODADO! DODAOOOO! DODADO, DODO! (Mission Impossible Theme Song.)
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor. BURN!
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!!!
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
30) I will not go to class skyclad.
31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.
35) I will not call the Weasley twins, "bookends."
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."
37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
43) I will not lick Trevor.
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
Other Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts:
1) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
2) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
3) I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him they're real animals
4) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches
5) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!"
6) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
7) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
8) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
9) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
10) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
11) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.
12) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
13) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays. SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
14) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.
15) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.
16) I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.
17) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
18) I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.
19) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
20)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
21) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
22) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
23) The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.
24.) I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".
25) When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
26) Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
27) A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.
28) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “
29) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
30) I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
40.) Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.
41) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.
42) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
43) I may not have a private army.
44) I must not substitute chocolate-flavoured laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.
45) Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.
46) I am not the wicked witch of the west.
47) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.
48) I will not melt if water is poured over me.
49) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.
50) I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.
51) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.
52) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
53) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.
54) - Especially not all of them at once.
55) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."
56) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos."
57) Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.
58) I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.
59) When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.
60) Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.
61) The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.
62) Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of Muggle firearms.
63) Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
64) I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
65) I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.
66) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
67) I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
68) I will not create a betting pool that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
69) Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
70) Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing Glimmer McSparkles.
71) Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".
72) I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.
73) However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
74) If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.
75) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.
76) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.
77) I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.
78) I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.
79) It’s not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says "All The Good Looking Ones Die Young" with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.
80) I will not yell "Hey look! It’s Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade
81) I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad, bad nightmare about Harry
82) I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall
83) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”
84) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.
85) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmancy exams.
86) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.
87) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants” I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
88) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.
89) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.
90) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
91) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
92) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.
93) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
94) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a Muggle car.
95) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.
96) When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”.
97) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.
98) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.
99) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S.
100) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
101) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
102) I will not refer to the Defense against the Dark arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
103) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
104) Do not confuse Aragorn, Eragon and Aragog. Ever.
105) I may not introduce Nagini to Indiana Jones.
106) Challenging Ron to a slug-eating contest is just mean.
107) Under no circumstances am I allowed to refer to Voldemort as "Baldy".
108) Even if he is.
109) I am not allowed to tell the first years to have a staring contest with the Basilisk.
110) I am prohibited from sprinkling glitter on Draco Malfoy, dying his hair, and call him Edward.
111) I am not allowed sell Mrs. O'Leary to Hagrid.
112) I will not give Professor Lupin a collar as a Christmas or birthday present.
113) Saying "I think I 'taw a puddytat!" every time I see Professor McGonagall is most certainly NOT allowed.
114) Offering Voldemort a colonial-era powdered wig (complete with ponytail) will not amuse him and I am not allowed to do so, even if he needs a new hair do.
115) I am not allowed to paint the school neon pink as the only person it will amuse is Professor Umbridge.
116) I must not introduce Voldemort to a psychiatrist as it is likely to result in him having a temper tantrum.
117) I am not allowed to introduce the Cullens to Professor Lupin.
118) I am not allowed to tease Professor Lupin about his 'time of the month'.
119) I shall not play match-maker for Voldemort on Valentine's Day because it will only make him cry when no one will go out with him because of his lack of hair.
120) I am not allowed to be a match-maker for Shelob and Aragog either.
121) I will not arrange a battle to the death between nine Hungarian Horntails and the Nazgul.
122) I will not scream, "HIS NAME IS EDWARD!" any time I hear the words Cedric Diggory.
123) I will not ask the centaurs if they know where Chiron is because I have found a demigod.
124) I will not shout at dinner times that Darth Sideous is Voldemort's uncle, even if they do look alike.
125) I shall not try to persuade everyone that Percy Weasley's true name is Percy Jackson and he slays monsters with a pen for a living.
126) I will not sing 'I'm a Survivour' after the Battle of Hogwarts.
127) No matter how fun it looks, I will not stand on a table and do the Macarena at the Yule Ball.
128) Professor Lupin is not the magical equivlant of Wolverine and I am not allowed to address him as such.
129) Even if I'm bored, I am not allowed to ask Snape what is the mysterious ticking noise.
130) I will not dye Harry's hair pink or give him brown contacts, just because I am sick of black-haired, green-eyed heroes.
131) Whether they owe me money or not, I am not allowed to sneak into Fred and George's dorm at the dead of night to die their hair blond, spike it unreasonably high, then call them John and Edward in the morning.
132) I will not send Voldemort white robes for Christmas and claim he changed his name to, "Voldy the White."
133) And when he wears them, I am not allowed to run around Hogsmeade screaming, "AHHH! It's an albino dementor!"
134) It is not tasteful to send Professor McGonagall a scratching post for Christmas.
135) Bringing a magic eight ball to Divination class will only get Professor Trelawney annoyed at your, "Lack of Inner Eye."
136) To which I am not allowed to reply.
137) I will not refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.
138) Nor am I allowed to have lightsaber fights with my wand and make whoosing noises.
139) "Because they both need to wash their hair," is not proof Professor Snape and Aragorn are related.
140) There is also no proof that Gimli and Flitwick are related and I am stop asking Flitwick if he's been swimming with any hairy women lately.
141) Singing 'Hungry Like The Wolf' in Professor Lupin's class is not a way to get extra credit.
142) I am not allowed to write on the wall in the Gryffindor Common Room, "I know where you live" or "I stole all your underwear!"
143) I am not allowed to replace the Bludgers with peas, tomatoes, plums or anything that is not a Bludger.
144) Portable swamps are not funny.
145) And I will not set off the above in Snape's sleeping quarters.
146) Or in the Slytherin's bathrooms.
147) In fact, I am not allowed to even buy portable swamps.
148) Harry Potter is not a Son of Poseidon and saying this everytime I see him will only result in him filing a restraining order against me.
149) My patronus is not a Nazgul.
150) Neither is my animagus form.
151) "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
152) It still is not appropiate, even if I have subsituted the flying monkeys with gummy bears.
153) I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble.
154) My professors have neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Sugar Quills.
155) No part of the school uniform is edible.
156) Nor am I allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.
157) I will not try to take house points from the first years for "being too goddamned short".
158) Especially as I am in no position of authority and Dumbledore would have to be heavily drugged before he would ever make me a prefect.
159) I am not allowed to wear singing holiday-themed ties and claim that they are officially part of my uniform. Especially not during June.
160) Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'.
161) Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'.
162) I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.
163)I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it.
164) I am to attend astronomy class and should stop yelling that aliens will abduct me if I do.
165) Hogwarts does not require a karaoke machine.
166) No matter how much I would enjoy watching Harry sing, "Saturday Night."
167) "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years.
168) I will not speak to Professor Snape with a Transylvanian accent.
169) Nor am I to ask if he is Carlisle Cullen's evil, unfortunate-looking twin.
170) I will not start a rumor saying that Professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while showering. Or for that matter doing any other activity.
171) Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other Klingon house is forbidden.
172) Voldemort does not wish to appear as the 'before' for a line of cosmetics. And no, he does not care how much money I make from it.
173) The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror".
174) Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is also inappropriate.
175) I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.
176) I will not sprend rumors that Legolas Greenleaf is his second cousin either.
177) Luna Lovegood is NOT always on "physicidelic mushrooms" and I should stop implying that she is.
178) The same goes for Professor Trelawney.
179) I will not get a tattoo of a smiley face on my arm and claim that it is the new Dark Mark.
180) When signing to all of these rules, I am not allowed to write in red ink and say that the Cullens lent me some grizzly bear blood.
181) I will not set my robes on fire to get out of potions.
182) I should not be a sports' commentator for Ron and Hermione's arguments.
183) Hogwarts does not need a "This many days since Harry has almost died," sign.
THINGS YOU MUST DO BEFORE YOU HIT 20: SUPERMARKET EDITION:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream;
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"