Quotes:

- "No, I don't trust in god. He'll have to pay up front, like everybody else"

- "When people talk to God, it's called prayer. When God talks back, it's called schizophrenia"

- "Christ is so cool. He's born, i get presents. He dies, i get candy"

- "I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife"

- "Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from"

- "Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and i'm not so sure about the former" - Albert Einstein

- "She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon" - Groucho Marx

- "Americans will always do the right thing ...after exhausting all the alternatives" - Winston Churchill

(\_/)
(o.o) This is Bunny.

Funny Excerpt from Vapors by ElectraSev5n:

Omake

If Sasori had gotten her all the way to the cave before the anesthetics wore off…

Aiko blinked, having a hard time readjusting to being awake. ‘There are dead people hanging from strings and a wooden scorpion in an ugly housecoat talking to a metal-faced mirage. My keen intuition tells me it’s time to go home.’

“I see.” Pein said disapprovingly, looking at the slumped form of the confused girl his agent had apparently captured for bait.

It was a shame that Sasori had opted to involve more people than he had to. The jinchuuriki of the Tailed Beasts were a necessary sacrifice for a world free of pain and sorrow, but it was not strictly necessary to harm this child. However Pein disliked the practice, he had to allow his agents free reign in order to fulfill their assigned missions.

“I anticipate that I will be ready to perform the extraction before the end of the night.”

Pein blinked. The redhead girl had suddenly disappeared from his vision. “Did your prisoner just escape?”

Sasori slowly turned his head to the definitely empty place where he’d deposited his prisoner. The ropes she’d been tied with were even gone.

“No,” he deadpanned, moving to end the connection between him and his boss. “I’m in a cave. It must be the reception.”

“But-“

“You’re breaking up,” Sasori said hastily, cutting off the connection that allowed Pein to materialise.

We interrupt this profile for an important message to one who has passed on. He will be remembered dearly.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A moment of silence.

Copied from Hermionechan90's profile

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your nec k!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

Copied from Coolio101's profile

"This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read"

- Winston Churchill