Author has written 3 stories for Naruto, and Kane Chronicles.
It's not about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about
SCREAMING with the THUNDER,
running with the lightning,
and learning to dance in the rain.
I'm fifteen (and had this same profile layout for two years now), a Lion in the Chinese Zodiac, a Gryffindor, a Pices, a Daughter of Mars, and a Sand kunoichi gone rogue. My element is fire. My most-often used word is "fuck", followed swiftly by "indubitably".
Took a personality test that kinda kicks ass. Above are the results. Guys, take it, it's awesome!
Fanfiction is what literature might look like if it were reinvented from scratch after a nuclear apocalypse by a band of brilliant pop-culture junkies trapped in a sealed bunker. They don't do it for money. That's not what it's about. The writers write it and put it up online just for the satisfaction. They're fans, but they're not silent, couchbound consumers of media. The culture talks to them, and they talk back to the culture in its own language.
AU = Alternate universe. A fic in which characters are brought completely out of their canon universe and places in another.
UA = Universe alteration. A fic in which characters are placed in the same universe with changes made such as plot point, character development, or background.
And it All Comes Down To The iPod: The OC High School Akatsuki fic, originally a parody but it kind of got away from me. I named the OC Mari Sui to be a smartass, but actually the name 'mari' means 'rebellious', so it works out fine.
I can't friggin' believe that I actually have fans who are willing to draw pictures of my crap, but I do! :D There's no smilies big enough to express my joy! But anyways, here they are. I've given them names, by the way, and be warned, they are nerdy.
Deidara got his hair dyed pink by Mari by goldenlucario1: https://goldenlucario1.deviantart.com/art/Deidara-got-his-hair-dyed-pink-by-Mari-436493912?ga_submit_new=10%253A1393285778
Pink-Haired Dei by Chillybean:
Mari by blackcatgirl:
Mari Jamming Out by blackcatgirl:
Ninja Mari by Dapuddingz:
Mari Being Whimsical by Dapuddingz:
Kiss My Ass by Otanashi1262:
Mari and Joseph by Otanashi1262:
Mari With a Molotov by blackcatgirl:
Mari and Joseph, II by Good Boy-chan:
Deidara-Style-Hari by Human1123: http:// human1123.deviantart.com/#/d5ktjxb
(For Descendant of the Challenger)
As if the Music Ever Stops by Hiaru Uzumaki http:// theamayasakarutaexperience. webs.com/apps/photos/photo?photoid=183085312
THANKS SO MUCH YOU GUYS!!! Your fan art totally makes my day every time I look at them, I love EVERY SINGLE DAMN ONE and think that all of you are total badasses. :D
When Sufferings Collide: UUggghhghghgh. Guys, I don't even know what to do with that one. I started it when I was barely twelve years old, and I haven't written anything for it in over two years. I doubt there's going to be any more progress on it. I'm sorry.
Me and Blackcatgirl are working on a collaboration of our two fics. It's on her account and titled "Angels, Devils, and Ipods". Read her original fic ("An Angel, a Devil, and the Akatsuki") and mine (And it All Comes Down to the iPod)if you want to know what's going on in it. Please go read it, you won't be disappointed...And then, review it, so we won't be disappointed.
Descendant of the Challenger: Good old-fashioned OC/self-insert. (More of an OC than self-insert, but most OCs are really at least a little bit of a self-insert, so yeah. Also I'm rambling) The idea was gnawing at the back of my brain for months, so I went ahead and wrote it despite the rampant cliche I'd the genre. In any case, I'm going to be taking a closer look at the Chaos half of magic, as well as the order/chaos argument, which I felt the books could use more of. Besides that, there's action, bickering, and stupid jokes.
A funny thing I found about the best word ever:
Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word "fuck." Out of all the English words that begin with the letter "F", fuck is the only word that is referred to as the "F" word. It's the one magical word that just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.
Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German, the word 'flicken' which means "to strike." In English, fuck falls into many grammatical categories. As a transital verb for instance, "John fucked Shirley." As an intransitive verb, "Shirley fucks."
Its meaning's not always sexual, it can be used as an adjective such as "John's doing all the fucking work." As part of an adverb, "Shirley talks too fucking much." As an adverb enhancing an adjective, "Shirley is fucking beautiful." As a noun, "I don't give a fuck." As part of a word, "Abso-fucking-lutely" or "In-fucking-credible." And, as almost every word in a sentence, "Fuck the fucking fuckers."
As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of "fuck", as in these examples describing situations such as:
Fraud: "I got fucked at the used car lot."
Dismay: "Aw fuck it."
Trouble: "I guess I'm really fucked now."
Aggression: "Don't fuck with me buddy."
Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking question!"
Inquiry: "Who the fuck was that?"
Dissatisfaction: "I don't like what the fuck is going on here."
In Confidence: "He's a fuck off."
Dismissal: "Why don't you go outside and play 'hide and go fuck yourself?'"
I'm sure you can think of many more examples. With all of these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word? We say, use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately.
Say it loudly and proudly, "Fuck you!"
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Try to half-ass comfort you when you feel down.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink because they think it's polite.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask if you're alright.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have to be reminded not to tell.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will offer to pay when you have a drink.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will apologize when you forget lunch money and say that they don't have any left.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will smile and say "Don't worry about me" when they forget their lunch money, even if you didn't offer to pay.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will automatically tell you you're beautiful when you ask if something makes you look fat.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would tell you not to get a face-lift because you already look perfect.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Tell you your zits aren't noticeable.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh with you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh at all your jokes.
FAKE-ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
FAKE-ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
FAKE-ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
FAKE-ASS FREINDS: Help you up when you fall.
FAKE-ASS FREINDS: Let you share their umbrella in the rain.
FAKE-ASS FREIND: Wipes your tears when you're rejected.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Congratulate you when you get good grades.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Encourage you not to skip school.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will glare at the guy who dumps you and say "Forget him. You're too good for him."
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Crush on your older brother whom you absolutely despise.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot. (A lot meaning all the time...)
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (well no, but I've gone though A LOT of pencils)
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions.)
Smart-ass Comebacks to those Corny Pick-up Lines:
HE: Can I buy you a drink?
1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (Why wait that long?)
2. Thou shall not do drugs. (Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper. After all, money isn't a hot commodity for us teens)
3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Target has a better selection, and supermarkets are better for junk food)
4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (Being an arsonist is more fun. FIRE! And what kind of idiot gets arrested anyway?)
5. Thou shall not steal from your parents. (Everyone knows grandma has more money)
6. Thou shall not get into fights. (If you start it, then you were in it anyway and they're the ones who get into it)
7. Thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)
8. Thou shall not wear revealing clothes in class. (Hooters pays more)
9. Thou shall not think about having sex. (like Nike says, "just do it")
10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. (just leave 'em in the middle)
The Things That Effing Piss Me (and other readers) Off in fandom:
Despite that several of these probably apply to me a little, I'm still re-posting this because it is fucking true:
The pretweendom and under-eighteen-verse posters. Listen kids, here's some advise from someone who had the sense to read before I posted. Read before you post damn it! I had been on ff.net for almost two years before I posted a damn thing and that was because I didn't want to embarrass myself, and contribute to the utter juvenile bull that is flooding our site today. Before you even try to write a fic do your homework. And for those of you under the age of eighteen, lemons are not for you. They are not for you to read and they’re most certainly not for you to write. You are children! I am sick of reading lemons written by kids as young as sixteen and under. Stick to the pg-13 ratings and leave the 'M' for the adults.
Bad grammar: No one is perfect. I myself have some cringe-worthy errors in my writing but there are a few things that aren't applicable to fanfiction and literature by wider extension.
1. Textspeak or Netspeak. Dis iz literature ppl so dun fukin' writ lyk dis u moron.
2. Uncalled for fragmentation: Here's a hint people. Develop your sentences. Don't write. Like this. It is, fucking annoying. To. Read. And I. Will. Flame you. For it. If I. See you. Writing. Like this. You dumb, ass.
3. FULL CAPS IN SENTENCES: This is a shameless butchering of the English language. Caps are used for proper nouns or the beginning of sentences; not the whole fucking story.
4. It is unnecessary for you to curse every other word in your fic. We get the point without you using foul language got it? Good, moving on.
The dreaded AU High School fic: Ahh, the high school fandom that sadly shows no sign of ever dying. Hey you, Pre-teen still in the hell of High school! We have all been through it, no fucking need to go back! To make it worse it's like everybody just uses one of the same freaking four plots every time! Just so you know, they are a modern day murder of the overused 'Pride and Prejudice', Cinderella, Hot-Romeo gets the ugly Juliet plot line placed into the hell of high school. Seriously, it is mind numbingly boring and grates on the nerves of experienced readers and writers alike.
Over Emo-ness: Okay, another lesson for you. Emo is a term meaning Emotional. This does not have to include: Cutting, Black overkill, eyeliner, tattoos, raging against society and pathetic whimpering in a closet. The dramatic extent of emo-ness in fandom is pathetic.
Bad Japanese: Sweet mother in heaven! Japan should ban some of you people from their language. What the fuck, if you love the language so damn much why do you do you insist on abusing it? Okay, I've seen all sorts of Japanese used in fics. And it's almost all shit Japanese. I mean really shit Japanese. As in, "I-just-kinda-threw-some-stuff-I-saw-together-hope-it-fits-teehee" Japanese.
Some people might excuse it by saying, "Well, they're still learning. This is how they practice." They shouldn't be using the freaking language in fics at all! There are forums and chat rooms and pen-pal programs and websites, all geared towards learning Japanese. Welcome to the Internet, kids. It's a wonderful place. Let me introduce you to my best friend, Google.
And neither is 'Kawaii' a mandatory statement for fanfiction. Anyone, and I do mean anyone would probably be killed so fast it would make your head spin for calling Gaara 'Gaar-chan' regardless of if they are female, or male. The same also applies for most all males in the Naruto universe, because the suffix 'chan' is affixed to close, young females, pets, or female lovers.
Plot stealing: A word from a fellow author, plot stealing is one of the most irritating things you can do. If the story idea is not yours then it is just that, not yours. What is wrong with you people? Are you so unimaginative that this is the best you can do?
Under-developed Super characters: Okay, this is going to hurt. Your delicate little eyes may bleed but I really don't give a damn.
Someone does not become the most powerful being on the planet overnight you, inane, unimaginative, retard! If Naruto has an awesome bloodline ability, cool; we are seeing plot movement. If Naruto suddenly has 3 bloodline limits, absorbs Kakashi's and Itachi's sharingans, is the son of the First Hokage and Tsunade and miraculously is descended from Shinigami himself...Overkill.
Mary-Sues: Oh dear sweet unholy mother of fuck we can’t forget all your lovely super characters now can we? Listen here sweetie I’m sick of reading about your little super powered characters, or as I like to call them “Princess Sparkles.” How hard is it for you to make your character not the strongest/most beautiful person in your fic? Grow the fuck up kids, no one wants to read your pathetic fantasies. Or worse yet…self inserts.
Run of the Mill Creature fics: In the Narutoverse, If your Naruto suddenly wakes up one morning to find he has sixteen tails, four ears, and nine inch claws because he completely merged with both Kyuubi and Shukaku...get a life.
Rape-tastic stories: Rape isn't funny. Period. Not to mention it is offensive to those who have been, or have had someone they love raped. The amount of 'he/she-gets-raped-then-falls-in-love-with-his/her-rapist' stories is just astounding. It does not fucking happen you stupid, ignorant bastard. Yes, this is fiction but certain morals lines cannot be crossed.
Incest: Dear God what is wrong with you people? I can't even understand where this sick fetish came from but it is vulgar and disgusting. This is another one of those moral lines that should be respected. (I realize that this is an objective view and criticism is inevitable. Bring it.)
Bestiality. Again, remember that whole thing about moral lines? Yeah. Right here.
Over bashing: Yes, I will admit to having enjoyed a good Sasuke Ino, or even Mutsuri bashing fic, but over bashing is moronic. Making the one girl who likes your male character the source of all evil in the story is juvenile.
Leaving the worst reviews: "liek omg _ THAT WUZ SO KAWAII!!1 i luv inuyasha an miroku 2gether, their teh best lol _;; PLZ WRITE MORE!!"
Some people review everything like this. Everything. I don't care if it's the most typo-ridden, OOC, badly-written drivel that has ever graced the Internet, you think it is the best thing ever. And you will add it to your favorites list and surely read it at least once a week, because it features your favorite unlikely couple and that's all that matters.
I've had the poor luck to run across terrible fics, then glance at the reviews and see eight pages of naught but praise. If you're going to read a pile of shit fic, at least have the grace to know that's what you're reading. If you don't out-and-out flame the author, at least give them what we of the more-than-one-brain-cell club like to call "constructive criticism" and tell them how to improve their fic. For the love of god, don't encourage the bad writers! The type of reviewer that does is part of the reason why the rest of us have to muck through page after page of poorly-written crap just to find a single good fic.
The fics that are just terrible: This ties more into the ideas above, but I'd just like to expand on it a little bit. Many fics are what I like to call “Old Yeller” fics. They start out with a good idea, but after a while it just all goes to hell, and then it's time to take it out to the back yard and shoot it in the head. Tragic, but necessary.
Writing MPREG: For the love of God why? You do know that the characters you're writing are male, right? Men don't have the equipment for making babies, kids; I don't care how many times you've watched Junior. You're just writing it because you think that your adorable couple needs a baby to cement their relationship, and babies just have to come from the innards of one of them, or it just doesn't count.
Clothing: Listen here sweetheart, nobody gives a flying blueberry fuck what your character is wearing no matter how kawaii you think it is. So for the love of all that's good in the world shut your damn mouths about it and get on with the bloody story already!
Romance: All right Buttercup I need you to listen real close to this one: People do not fall in love the moment they meet. Shocking, I know. It must be hard to hear that Disney has been lying to you after all these years. So, now that you’ve been given a nugget of common sense lets talk. If I see you post a story where two characters fall in love in the first chapter I will flame you, and I’ll enjoy it too. Think for a moment princess, when was the last time you saw two strangers meet, tell each other their “tragic” life stories, and fall in love after one steamy kiss? I’m guessing never, and I might add that all of the above generally happens in a few hundred badly typed words.
Try to sit back for a moment and reflect on what it is to be human, and how being such drives you in what you do. After you do that try to think of a single good reason why one would want to suddenly throw themselves at a stranger like that. And by extension why someone would feel the need to spill their entire life out to someone they don’t know in a single sitting. Hell I wouldn’t give a stranger my phone number if I didn’t have a damn good reason to.
Review Whoring: I'll be honest here, I don't review for every story I read. Why you ask? Because most fics I've read lately have been oozing piles of putrid shit. If you're not going to put effort into writing then why the fuck should I put effort into reviewing? Here's a hint for your dumb ass's: If you're not getting reviews, or the majority of reviews you do get only say "UPDATE SOOON!!11!" Then the problem is probably you.
List fics: This is just pure laziness. If you can't be troubled to write out the actions you're naming off, then don't bother to fucking post it. That's without mentioning the fact that I'll report you faster then you can say "achoo" if I find a fic like this.
Song fics: Look here moron, lyrics that haven't been written by you are not allowed here. Why you ask? Because FanFiction.net does not have legal permission to use lyrics of song writers here. So be warned that if I find your songfic I will report you, and your fic will get pulled and your account suspended.
Chat Room Fics: Ah, the crem-do-la-crem of all fantards and thirteen year old kids. Look here sweetie, your "fic" is pure shit, and you're an idiot for thinking otherwise. Writing in "chat speak" makes you look exactly like the adolescent retard that you are. This is a site for writers, not for your inane attempts at humor, and guess what? I'm not the only person who thinks so. In fact the Administrators of the site agree; that's why those type of fics are banned. Shocking I know. Once again be aware that I'll report this shit wherever I find them and flame you for it while I'm at it.
Yaoi: Oh yes, I'm going there. Gather around children you need to hear this: You do not need to make the characters gay. I'm not even sure why you would want to, seeing as the majority of yaoi writers are young girls. Why is making characters of books, movies, and anime's even more unattainable then they already are sexy to you? What is the point? I get that odd pairings are fun, but the fact is that they're not odd anymore! In fact yaoi pairings out number the straight ones! What the fuck? Enough is enough already! And if anyone calls me homophobic for pointing out the obvious please do smack yourself, you insufferable failtard.
A final note: And above all remember this: Write like you have an education.
So there you have it; the things that royally piss me off in Fandom. If you happen to disagree, flames are welcome. Let’s see how well you can debate. Besides I'm always up for a good laugh.
LIKE IT PUT IT ON YOUR PROFILE HATE IT...well then why the hell are you still reading this?
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms.
2) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
3) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
4) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
5) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.
6) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
7) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.
8) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month".
9) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.
10) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches.
12) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!"
13) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
14) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.
15) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental.
16) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends".
17) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
18) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
19) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bamf!" every time I apparate.
20) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
21) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
22) I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
23) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
24) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.
25) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
26) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
27) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".
28) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.
29) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.
30) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.
31.)I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".
32.)House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
33.) Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.
34.)I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Claus.
35.) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
36.)I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing "I Will Survive" in the mirror, as it is disturbing.
37.) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
38.)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
39.) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
40.) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
41.)The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.
42.)I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".
43.)When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
44.)Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
45.)A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.
46.) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “
47.)I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
48.). I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
49.)Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.
50.) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.
51.) Calling the Ghost-busters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
52.) I may not have a private army.
53.) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.
54.) Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.
55.) I am not the wicked witch of the west.
56.) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.
57.) I will not melt if water is poured over me.
58.) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.
59.) I shouldn't use Photo-shop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.
60.) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.
61.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
62.) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.
63.) - Especially not all of them at once.
64.) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."
65.) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos."
66.)Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.
67.)I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.
68.)When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.
69.)Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.
70.)The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.
71.)I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
72.)Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.
73.)Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
74.)I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
75.)I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.
76.)I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paint-balling.
77.)I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
78.)I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
79.)Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
80.)Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.
81.) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
82.)Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin", despite all evidence to the contrary.
83.)I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.
84.). - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
85.)If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: "The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.
86.) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.
87.)I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.
88.)I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.
89.)I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.
90.)It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says 'All the good looking ones die young' with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.
91.)I will not yell "Hey look! It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade
92.)I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry
93.)I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall
94.) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
95.) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
96.) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
97.) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
98.) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
99.) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
100.) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
101.)I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
102.) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
103.) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.
104.) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
105.) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
106.) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”
107.) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
108.) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.
109.) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmacy exams.
110.) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
111.) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.
112.) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants” I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
113.) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.
114.) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.
115.) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
116.) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
117.) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.
118.) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
119.) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a muggle car.
120.) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.
121.) When fighting death-eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”.
122.) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.
123.) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons can not interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.
124.) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S. (OF COURSE IT IS! THEY'RE ALL IN DENIAL!!!)
125.) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
126.) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do (I am Australian, after all) I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
127.) I will not refer to the Defense against the Dark arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
128.) No, magic mushrooms are not magic, and I should not attempt to grow them under the pretense of extra-curricular study for Herbology.
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