hydroponic pharmaceuticals
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 02-01-10, id: 2239620, Profile Updated: 06-11-15
Author has written 14 stories for Hetalia - Axis Powers, Homestuck, Les Misérables, Mass Effect, and OFF.

Basic Information:

When I first started college to study music, all my advisors, deans, and teachers told me to drop out. I was too stubborn to listen, and stayed even when I could bear it no longer, even when I was driven out of my residence and my meal plans were refunded. An online test says that I write and speak English like an Afrikaner, though my family hails from napalm-shredded towns and cropfields inundated with Agent Orange. Sometimes I take those online diagnostics for mental illness that tell you that they're not a replacement for a good doctor, and I find myself checking off every single box before I close my web browser, too afraid of a reason for my sufferings.

I used to have a drive to create things, and these old fanfictions from my high school days are, perhaps, a testament to the fact that once I existed. I have loads of ideas, but the words come out dry and withered on the page, unoriginal and cliche, bogged down by a pain in my chest that cannot be lifted. The trope of the tragic artist is a lie--nothing beautiful comes from my psychoses, only tragedy for the ones left who still love me. All of my fan fictions are dead, so if you were hoping for a conclusion, I'm sorry.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus by The Carnivorous Muffin reviews
Lily is not quite a normal little girl. The Dursleys always say she's a freak just like her freakish parents, her uncle Death seems to be convinced she's the grim reaper, and her ever political and invisible best friend Wizard Lenin just thinks she should take over the world. On top of all that the secret society of wizards think she's Jesus. AU female!Harry among other things.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 30 - Words: 175,095 - Reviews: 2193 - Favs: 2,987 - Follows: 3,127 - Updated: 6/20 - Published: 12/8/2013 - [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.]
Seventh Horcrux by Emerald Ashes reviews
The presence of a foreign soul may have unexpected side effects on a growing child. I am Lord Volde...Harry Potter. I'm Harry Potter. In which Harry is insane, Hermione is a Dark Lady-in-training, Ginny is a minion, and Ron is confused.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 21 - Words: 104,212 - Reviews: 699 - Favs: 2,399 - Follows: 1,691 - Updated: 2/3 - Published: 9/7/2014 - Harry P. - Complete
Dumbledore's Next Great Adventure by dunuelos reviews
In a Universe where Albus Dumbledore responded differently, he dies as a respected figure on June 24, 1991. He then is asked to go to a new universe and fix the mistakes of his alternate. What a mess. No Pairings yet (Not Canon).
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 97,300 - Reviews: 1134 - Favs: 2,132 - Follows: 2,823 - Updated: 1/2 - Published: 11/5/2013 - Albus D., Harry P., Neville L., Hermione G.
Honey by Mark Geoffrey Norrish reviews
Voldemort persuades Harry to assist him in a war against unspeakable evil. Hermione gains a second father, and the Gryffindor boys discover that Animagus transformations are as hard as they sound. Meanwhile, the enigmatic, murderous Marionette Man unleashes destruction on the wizarding world. An AU fifth year.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 129,550 - Reviews: 192 - Favs: 306 - Follows: 250 - Updated: 6/30/2014 - Published: 5/6/2013 - [Harry P., Hermione G.] - Complete
Without Thorn the Rose by Threadbare Threnody reviews
A bittersweet coming-of-age story for fans of good writing. Lily died, and left James to raise a stranger's son alone. In the shadows of Azkaban, Harry learns from Dementors and Death Eaters, while in the caverns of the sea a mysterious power awaits the chance to steal his soul. Warnings inside.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 17 - Words: 90,814 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 521 - Follows: 327 - Updated: 6/4/2014 - Published: 3/13/2013 - Harry P., Sirius B., Remus L., James P. - Complete
Where No Shadows Fall by Saavik13 reviews
"If I do this, you won't have done anything, Harry. You won't exist. You'll probably never exist." Hermione coughed roughly, the damp irritating her lungs. "None of this will have happened." Hermione has lost everyone and everything in the war. Left with only one terrible choice, she honors Harry's sacrifice and goes back to change history. Reposted from AO3
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 85,847 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 317 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 3/12/2014 - Published: 3/11/2014 - [Albus D., Hermione G.] Voldemort, F. Flitwick - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

the king of shame reviews
He sees her everywhere he goes, and it drives him crazy. Garrus & f!Shep/every turian voyeurism for the kinkmeme.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,216 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 2/5/2014 - Published: 9/16/2013 - [Shepard (F), Garrus V.]
PURIFYING ROD reviews
The Batter "purifies" Zachary with something extremely long and hard. (the spiritual successor to "Baguettes and Other Types of Bread")
OFF - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 59 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/2/2013 - [Bat Batteur, Zacharie]
Conditioning reviews
Doc Scratch teaches the young Handmaid how to properly serve her future lord in a rather hands-on method. Doc Scratch/underage!Handmaid noncon.
Homestuck - Rated: M - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 967 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6/14/2013 - [The Handmaid, Doc Scratch]
Gorilla Warfare reviews
"Garrus makes the shitpost to end all shitposts." In a dark time of increasingly horrendously stupid Garrus-themed kink meme prompts, Commander Shepard takes it upon himself to stage an intervention.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 663 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/12/2013 - Garrus V., Shepard (M)
Ivan and Natalia's Magical Incest Adventures! reviews
"Incest is disgusting and anyone who condones incest, whether fictional or real, is a very sick individual!" Pranks are great. Pretending to incest is great. Pranks about pretending to incest are, therefore, doubly great. warning: contains incest
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,149 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 6/10/2013 - Published: 7/27/2012 - [Belarus, Russia]
Baguettes and Other Types of Bread reviews
A collection of assorted Valjean/Javert drabbles, varying in length and seriousness.
Les Misérables - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 527 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/26/2013 - [Inspector Javert, Jean Valjean]
Nocturne reviews
He was the conductor of his own symphony of shame. The needle lay in his palm.
Homestuck - Rated: M - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 363 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Published: 2/15/2013 - [Bro, Lil' Cal] Dave S. - Complete
Daddy Detested reviews
John is a... boy. And he hates his daddy. (PARODY/REWRITE OF DADDY DEAREST)
Homestuck - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 640 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/15/2013 - [John E., Dad E.] - Complete
Haloperidol reviews
Haloperidol: an antipsychotic medication discovered over 50 years ago. Adverse side effects often occur. Nothing is as it seems.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Horror/Family - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,002 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 2/15/2013 - Published: 1/8/2012 - [Russia, Belarus, Ukraine]
The Saga of the Target or Titty Time! A musical reviews
Russia, America, Ukraine, and Belarus decide to visit a Target. However, some of them may be hiding dark secrets...
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,639 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/4/2012 - [Ukraine, Russia] [America, Belarus]
Sexual Saturdays! reviews
March 18th. A fateful day with many fateful occurrences. Originally a chatlog by Konata101, RiYuYami, and The-Angelic-One. Fanficified by the illustrious cockrockets. NSFH, Russia England/America, BLUEBERRIES. You have been warned.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,054 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/9/2012 - [Russia, America, England/Britain] - Complete
Prypiat reviews
it felt like a sickle was cutting into her side. 471 words
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 455 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 5/8/2012 - Ukraine, Russia - Complete
becoming one reviews
like a snake, swallowed whole. words: 440
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 408 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/23/2012 - [Russia, Latvia] Belarus - Complete
Khaganate reviews
Where do nations come from? A short drabble
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 381 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/25/2011 - Russia - Complete