Poll: This is a matter of great importance: Do you like waffles? Vote Now!
Author has written 19 stories for Maximum Ride, Danny Phantom, Chronicles of Vladimir Tod, Harry Potter, Inception, Artemis Fowl, Hunger Games, and Leviathan series.
Survivor of Mishapocalypse 2013*
I believe in Sherlock Holmes. Just wanted to let everyone know that before we began, just in case there was any question of where my loyalties lie.
Um, let's see...I guess I could talk about me in this next part?
Name: I'm not going to tell you. Call me Mad and we'll get along just fine.
Age: I'm between the ages of 5 and 105
Appearance: I am a female human being (Although it is questionable at times. The human part that is...). Is that enough for you?
Location: The Pit of Asylum found in Random Land
House: Gryffindor (I was really rather hoping for Ravenclaw.) My Pottermore name is WombatProphecy14631. PM me your name and we can be friends. :)
Tumblr (AKA soul-sucking instrument of DOOM): call-me-mad (I reall. Just reblog random stuff, so give me your url and I'll follow you)
Interests: Well, I obviously like to write. Why else would I be on a site like this? I like to read and play sports. I enjoy anything that makes you use that big thing in your scull. I have a slightly unhealthy obsession with the cartoon Danny Phantom. I also like bothering people and confusing them to no end.
Things that Bug Me Fanfiction Wise:
Unnecessary smut. Sure, I like smut as much as the next Catholic school girl, but do they really have to be going at it 24/7?
Bad grammar. I am well aware that I do not have the best grammar, but I at least try. I feel like some people don't even go that far.
Hiatuses. Actually, this isn't really much of a pet peeve, and I don't blame people who stop writing stories because I get it, I really do. BUT IT WAS SUCH A GOOD STORY WHY DID IT STOP?!
Too much action. It's not that I don't like I action, because I do, I just don't necessarily want to read it.
Um...that's all I can think of at the moment. Now, it has to be said that while these things irritate me sometimes, that doesn't mean I won't read it or even write it. I don't think any less of people who do read and write it either.
Other: My life long goals are to confuse people as best as I can (check), build a giant ladder to the sky so we can retrieve the ground before the gravity returns and we all fall to our deaths (long story), take over the world using colored duct tape and giant paper clips, and to invent a cure for writer's block 'cause it seriously sucks.
I have an invisable taser and more (invisable) weapons in my invisable weapons vault so FEAR ME! And stay away from my cookies 'cause they're mine!
If you ever find that you magically appear in my house please do what I say or else you will end up getting hurt. You see, I have monsters in the hall that are angry with my friend because she killed their brother, an imaginary ghost named Steve in my closet (Update: He actually came out of the closet last yeah, so now he sleeps on my floor), and dweedlemeedles (I don't even remember how that started) and voices under my bed that tell me not to listen to my teacher. Did I mention that I am slightly crazy?
Series I like:
Artemis Fowl, Chronicles of Vladimir Tod, Harry Potter, Maximum Ride, Darkest Powers, Mortal Instruments, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Hunger Games, Leviathan, Gone, Lord of the Rings, The Cronicles of the Imaginarium Geographica, and Twilight
One of my favorite books in the whole wide world is The Book Thief. If you have not read it I suggest you hurry on over to your local book store/library and do so.
Inception (best movie EVER!), Sherlock Holmes (the one with Robert Downy Jr.), Transformers (the first one), Iron Man, Star Treck (The new one), Alice in Wonderland, Horton Hears a Who, How to Train Your Dragon, Harry Potter (all but the Order of the Pheonix), Hunger Games, all three Lord of the Rings movies, Avengers, Newsies, The Rise of the Guardians
Danny Phantom, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Static Shock, Glee, Sherlock, Bones, House, Dance Academy, Merlin, Doctor Who, supernatural, Star Trek
Harry Potter: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Albus/Scorpios
Artemis Fowl: Artemis/Holly
Maximum Ride: Max/Fang, Fang/Iggy
Static Shock: Virgil/Richie
Danny Phantom: Danny/Sam, Tucker/Jazz, Tucker/Valerie, Tucker/Dani, Clock Work/Jazz
Sherlock: Sherlock/John, Lestrade/Mycroft, Lestrade/Molly, Molly/Irene, Molly/Moriarty
Glee: Puck/Kurt, Blaine/Kurt, Brittany/Santana, Wes/David, Nick/Jeff
Dance Academy: Ethan/Abigal, Sammy/Christian, Sammy/Ollie
Avengers: Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Black Widow/Hawk Eye
Avatar The Last Airbender: Katara/Aang, Katara/Zuko
Darkest Powers: Derek/Chloe
Mortal Instruments: Clary/Jace, Magnus/Alec, Simon/Isabelle
Merlin: Merlin/Arthur, Morgana/Gwen
Doctor Who: The Doctor/Rose, The Ponds, The Doctor/River
The Rise of the Guardians: older!Jamie/Jack
Star Trek: Kirk/Spock, Bones/Chekov
Supernatural: Castiel/Dean, Sam/Dean
Danny Phantom Beliefs:
Halfa's do breath and have heartbeats even in ghost form. It's just slightly slower than normal humans.
Danny is unnaturally light weight even in his human form.
Even though Danny is a "C" student he is still very bright and nearly as smart as his sister. He just doesn't have enough time to do his homework, doesn't get sleep at night, is rarely in class, and hardly ever finishes a test, so that is why he is just average.
Danny's temperature in human form is around 90 degrees in human form and 75 in ghost form. Both temps are unnatural (obviously for the human one) for the forms.
Ghosts bleed ectoplasm. Ghosts can eat and sleep if they want to.
Halfas bleed ectoplasm and red human blood in both forms. Mainly ectoplasm and a little human blood in ghost form and vise versa in human form. They have to eat and sleep no matter what form they're in, but it is not as necissary when in ghost form.
Danny has a lot of scars, mainly on his chest and back.
Danny heals faster than normal humans.
Danny could kick Dash's ass even in his human form and without the help of ghost powers.
Danny has a high metabolism. No matter how much he eats, he doesn't gain anything.
Dani is (somehow) Danny long dead twin sister. If you want an explanation for this belief please go read the A.N.I.E.L. Files. Once I figure out who they are by I will post it here. They are amazing.
About My Stories:
Okay, so there are a few of my stories that I look back on and cringe. Mainly my Harry Potter ones. And please don't take that as me telling you to read them. Because I really don't suggest that you do. What can I say? We have all been young and stupid. I could probably delete them, but that would require effort on my part and... yeah. 'Nough said.
I have always loved writing, and for the past few years it has been my goal to one day be a published writer. Well, I don't have a whole lot of motivation at the moment and I am rather lazy, so if you want to P.M. and give me prompts that would be fantastically appreciated. :)
That's all I can think of now. If you don't like "Copy and Paste" or quotes then I suggest you skip right to my stories.
“When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” – Sherlock Holmes
"So, people, let's try to calm down a bit. Things are bad enough without inventing stuff as well. For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That's a Basilisk, listeners. One simple test: check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it's safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do." – Fred Weasley – DH
*A SMALL BUT NOTEWORTHY NOTE* I’ve seen so many young men over the years who think they’re running at other young men. They are not. They’re running at me. – Death – The Book Thief
If they killed him tonight, at least he would die alive. – The Book Thief
*A LAST NOTE FROM YOUR NARRATOR* I am haunted by humans. – Death – The Book Thief
"Aaaah, when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born." – Ron Weasley – GoF
"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" – Dumbledore – DH
"In the end, it mattered not that you could not close your mind. It was your heart that saved you." – Dumbledore – OotP
"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.
"I believe Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat." – Dumbledore – TSS
"I feel like pudding, pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." – Iggy – AE
"I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahs!" – Gazzy – STWAOES
“You...are...a...fridge...with...wings...We're...freaking...ballet...dancers!” – Fang punching an Eraser with every word – SOF
“Did you know it wasn’t me, the other Max?” “Yeah.” “When?” “Right away.” “How? We look identical. She even had identical scars and scratches. She was wearing my clothes. How could you tell us apart?” "She offered to cook breakfast." – Fang and Max – SOF
“I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures.” – Bella Swan – Eclipse
"Holy (insert swear word of your choice here.)" – Fang – AE
“Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV on the other hand..." – Edward Cullen – Twilight
"Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving.” – Edward Cullen – Twilight
"DOOMED! They're all doomed. Notice I didn't say what kind of doom it was, so whatever happens to them, I will have predicted it. How very wise of me" - Angela – Eragon
Whoever had decided that school should start so early in the morning and last all day long needed to be hunted down and forced to watch hours of educational television without the aid of caffeine. – Vlad – The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod
“Fang, Fang, Fang, I love you. I love you sooo much.” “Oh, jeez.” – Fang and Max – STWAOES
“Pick a tree. I’ll go carve our initials in it.” – Fang – STWAOES
“I’m trying to keep my promise!” “When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie’s tree?” – Bella and Jake – New Moon
“That depends on how fast you drive…. Bella?” “Yes?” “How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?” – Bella and Alice – New Moon
“I hate you!” “No you doooooooon’t!” “You guys are crazy about each other.” – Max, Fang, and the Voice – STWAOES
"Well, think back. Have you ever let it slip that you'd like to go out in public with the words 'My Sweetheart' round your neck?" – Harry – HBP
“He sounds exactly like Moody. ‘Constant vigilance!’ you’d think I walk around with my eyes shut, banging off the walls….” – Harry – GoF
"This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this." – Harry – OotP
“Man you weigh a freaking ton. What’ve you been eating, rocks?” “Why, is your head missing some?” – Max and Fang – AE
“Ugly and no manners. He doesn’t have a whole lot going for him.” –Clover – Leven Thumps and the Ruins of Alder
“Isn’t that a house?” “Yes.” “Let’s see if someone’s there.” “My mother always encouraged me to go into strange houses.” “She did?” “Well, only on certain days.” – Leven and Clover – Leven Thumps and the Ruins of Alder
“Can you hear that?” “What?” “The sound of you making fun of my sense of direction.” – Leven and Clover – Leven Thumps and the Ruins of Alder
“If somehow we really do save the world, I’m going to be amazed.” “That’s so weird. I was thinking the same thing.” – Leven and Clover – Leven Thumps and the Ruins of Alder
“Are you okay?” “No. My head feels like it isn’t even attached.” “It is.” – Leven and Clover – Leven Thumps and the Ruins of Alder
“I still might kill you.” “I appreciate the warning.” – Geth and Ezra – Leven Thumps and the ruins of Alder. What’s sad is that they were both being completely honest.
“Isn’t curtsying what girls do?” “Great. No wonder they always made fun of me.” – Leven and Clover – Leven Thumps and the Ruins of Alder
“Yeah, it’s an off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell.” – Bella – Twilight
“Where’s the bloodshed I was promised?” “You were never promised bloodshed.” “You have no idea what I promised myself. Now, who can I set on fire?” “You can’t just set someone on fire.” “Wanna bet?” Ezra sets someone on fire. Another person puts out the fire. Everyone stares at Ezra. “What was that?” “What? I needed to win a bet.” – Ezra, Denis, and General Lank – Leven Thumps and the Ruins of Alder
“Shut up, please, Seth.” “Shutting” – Seth and Jake – BD
You know things are bad when you feel guilty for being rude to vampires. – Chapter 14 in BD
“Mom dropped him a lot when he was a baby.” “On his head, apparently.” “He used to gnaw on the crib bars, too.” “Lead paint?” “Looks like it.” “Funny. Why don't you two just shut up and sleep?" – Jake, Leah, and Seth – BD
Why didn’t I just walk away? Oh right, because I’m an idiot. – Chapter 10 in BD
“Did you know that ‘I told you so’ has a brother, Jacob? His name is ‘Shut the hell up.’ – Bella – BD
What do I look like? The Wizard of OZ? you need a brain? You need a heart? Go ahead. Take mine. Take everything I have. – Chapter 17 in BD
“Don’t be a prat, Neville, that’s illegal. They wouldn’t use the Cruciatus Curse on the champions. I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing…maybe you’ve got to attack him while he’s in the shower, Harry.” – George Weasley – GoF
“And you’re worried, not because you’re headed to meet a household of vampires, but because you think those vampires won’t approve of you, correct?” – Edward-Twilight
“Penguins. Lovely.” – Edward – Eclipse
"Next time you want to hit me, use a baseball bat or a crowbar, okay?" – Jacob – Eclipse
"Stupid shiny Volvo owner." – Bella –Twilight
“I’m really glad Edward didn’t kill you. Everything’s so much more fun with you around.”— Emmett Cullen
“This hostage stuff is fun.”— Alice Cullen
“I can’t imagine how awful that must feel. Being normal? Ugh.” — Bella Swan
"Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior." – Bella
"Go fetch a space heater... what am I a St. Bernard?" – Jacob – Eclipse
"I've been tortured, Alice painted my toenails!" – Bella Swan
"It's a good thing you're bulletproof." – Bella Swan
"Fall again, Bella?" "No Emmet, I punched a werewolf in the face." – Emmet and Bella – Eclipse
"You are bizarrely moral for a vampire." – Bella Swan
"What was he like?" "As a person? I really couldn't say, although I am well acquainted with tales of his atrocities. Every time Brom and I crossed paths with him, he was trying to kill us. Or rather, capture, torture, and then kill us, none of which are conductive to establishing a close relationship." – Eragon and Jeod –Brisingr
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." – Dumbledore – TSS
“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.” – Dumbledore – DH
“From now on, I don’t care if my tea leaves spell ‘die, Ron, die’, I’m chucking them in the bin where they belong.” – Ron – PoA
“Only time I've ever seen Dad as angry as Mum. Fred reckons his left buttock has never been the same since.” “Yea, well, passing over Fred's left buttock-” The twins enter the kitchen “I beg your pardon?” – Harry, Fred, and Ron – HPB
“Don’t think or judge. Just listen.” – Both Owen and Annabelle, just at different times – Just Listen
“Does anysing on you vork properly?” “ Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony.” “You are a liability to your group. I assume you alvays hold on to someone’s shirt, yes? Follow dem closely?” “Only when I’m trying to steal their dessert.” “Write that down. He’s a notorious dessert stealer.” – Max, Iggy, and ter Borcht
“Und you. You haf a malfunctioning chip, you get debilitating headaches, and your leadership skills are sadly much less than ve hoped vor.” “ And yet I can still kick you doughy Euro trash butt from here to next Tuesday. So that’s something.” – Max and ter Borcht
"Is dere anysing special about you? Anysing vorth saving?" “Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica." – Fang and ter Borcht – I ’m really starting to feel sorry for this guy
"Hey what’s taking you so long? What are you doing, shaving your mustache?" "I don’t have a mustache you idiot, and neither do you. Maybe, in a few years, we can always hope." – Max and Iggy
"Let's get out of here. An Ouija board just told me to save the world." – Max – AE
"Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren't missionaries." "No? Well, for God's sake, don't tell them. They'd be crushed. Thinking they're doing the Lord's work, and all." – Max and some FBI agent dude – SOF
"Can we see him?" "Ig, I hate to break this to you, but you're blind." – Max and Iggy
“Now, let's say they come and get us.” “And, like, the halls are full of zebras.” “And suddenly tons of bubbles are everywhere.” “And then everyone starts to eat beef jerky.” “Yeah. I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent, so people are choking and gagging and let's throw beef jerky right into their eyes! Now, that's a plan!” – Max, Iggy, Gazzy, Nudge, and Iggy again
I love Nudge, Nudge is a great kid, but that motor mouth of hers could have turned Mother Teresa into an ax murderer. – Max – MAX
"Oh, no – years of Max influence are taking their toll. You sound just like her. You're, like, a Maxlet. A Maxketeer. A...a..." – Iggy – MAX
“Oh goody, Yoda captured us” – Fang – I think it was Final Warning but I don’t know for sure.
If everyone fought fire with fire, the world would go up in smoke. – The Slippery Slope, Lemony Snicket
"It's Maria. I mean, let us go. Maybe we'll have better luck at the next site." – Artemis Fowl – TLC
"Excuse me while I get a tissue. Honestly, I thought you demons were warlike and stoic. This little guy sounds like one of those cheap romance novels." "The little guy who could fry your brain." “One of those cheap romance novels that I happen to adore." – Foaly and Qwan – TLC
“One damn minute, Admiral.” – Spoc – Star Trek, The Voyage Home
"Do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass! Please have a blade, please do, it's so delectable and so darn good looking!" "You can eat the grass?" "Of course you can! Everything in this room is edible, even I'm edible! But that is called ‘cannibalism,’ my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." – Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
"I am chief! Want big fire!" – Jack – PotC2
"Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed, before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed, or worse, expelled." – Hermione – SS
"She needs to sort out her priorities" – Ron – SS
"Why spiders? Why couldn't it be follow the butterflies?" – Ron – CoS
"Look, an undead monkey!" – Jack – PotC2
"Elizabeth?” Jack turns to his first mate “Hide the rum." – Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean II.
"I see...I see a light...hey conscience, am I dead?" – Dory – Finding Nemo
"I've never gotten 99 percent on anything! And I think I'm awesome!" – Morton – Horton Hears a Who
"It's just a straight plummet to certain death." – Horton – Horton Hears a Who
"I'm light as a feather!” A feather drops on bridge and one board falls “...heavy feather." – Horton – Horton Hears a Who
"Oh, we're doomed!" – Mayor Ned McDodd – Horton Hears a Who
"Um...you know I'm going to have to say no...do you know that feeling?" "Ah, ha, ha, ha...NO!" – Sally and Ned – Horton Hears a Who
"Sweetheart, you need to go to bed, Daddy's having a breakdown." – Sally – Horton Hears a Who
Everyone has broken out into song "I can't fight this feeling anymore!" – JoJo – Horton Hears a Who
“In my world everybody’s a pony, and they all eat rainbows. And poop butterflies!” – Katie – Horton Hears a Who
TV Shows/YouTube Videos:
“I don’t know why I find stupidity charming, I mean, he’s cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows…I guess that’s love for you.” – Kurt Hummel
“My body is like a rum chocolate soufflé. If I don’t warm it up right, it doesn’t rise.” – Kurt Hummel
“Hello. I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker.” – Kurt Hummel
“I don't see how lightning is in competition with an above ground swimming pool.” – Kurt Hummel
“I’m not a box. There are more than four sides to me.” Kurt Hummel
“I’m not saying I’m going to hide in a closet. I’m proud of who I am. I’m just saying that I love you more than I love being a star.” – Kurt Hummel
“Oh, Bambi. I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy.” – Kurt Hummel
“Did I miss the election for queen? Because I didn't vote for you.” – Kurt Hummel
“Every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion.’ – Kurt Hummel
“Mercedes is black, I'm gay. We make culture.” – Kurt Hummel
“Makeovers are like crack to me.” – Kurt Hummel
“They're going to throw fruit at us. And I just had a facial.” – Kurt Hummel
“No, she's dead. This is her son.” – Kurt Hummel
“I could totally sing this with Finn. But screw him if he thinks he's taking the Diana Ross part from me.” – Kurt Hummel
“I'm so depressed I've worn the same outfit twice this week.” – Kurt Hummel
“I have three gifts: My voice, my ability to spot trends in men's fashion and my ability to know when it comes from a bottle.” – Kurt Hummel
“When you're different ... when you're special ... sometimes you have to get used to being alone.” – Kurt Hummel
“It doesn’t take much courage for people to park their cottage-cheese behinds in their Barcaloungers and log on to the Internet and start tearing people down, does it? But you know what does take some courage? Standing up and singing about something.” – Kurt Hummel
“Finn, trust me on this, I've been planning weddings since I was two. My Power Rangers got married and divorced in so many combinations, they were like Fleetwood Mac.” – Kurt Hummel
“You're as brilliant and talented as you are irritating.” – Kurt Hummel
“That's why I like Broadway musicals. Because the touch of a fingertip is as sexy as it gets.” – Kurt Hummel
“I'm going to go back in there and get coroneted. I'm going to show them it doesn't matter if they're yelling at me or whispering behind my back. They. Can't. Touch. Me. That they can't touch us. Or what we have.” – Kurt Hummel
“Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton.” – Kurt Hummel
“You make this, and you die a legend.” “Can I pee first?” – Ken and Kurt
Finn: I don’t want to be the guy that just drives around throwing eggs at people.
“Have you ever kissed anybody?” “Yes. If by somebody you mean the tender crook of my elbow.” – Mercedes and Kurt
“You’re extremely talented, Rachel. Watching you perform is amazing. But sometimes it’s hard to appreciate what a good singer you are because all I’m thinking about is shoving a sock into your mouth.” – Kurt
“What's the worst thing a student at this school can do?” “Eat at the cafeteria?” “No. Be a disruption at the library. And I'm not talking about trying to check out a reference book. I'm talking about full-on chaos. Including getting your glee on in the stacks.” – Kurt and Tina
“You’ve got to respect her…and when things get serious…use protection.” “Does he mean like a burglar alarm or something?” – Burt and Brittany
“Lady GaGa changes her looks faster than Britt changes sexual partners.” “It's true.” – Kurt and Brittany
“So, is that a…men's sweater?” “Fashion has no gender.” – Mercedes and Kurt
Rachel (to Finn): …I was strangling you in my hands like a little bird. I get now that I have to open up my hands and let you fly free.
Mercedes: You can’t prove there’s no God…
“You and I are a little bit more similar than you think.” “That’s a terrible thing to say.” – Rachel and Kurt
“You, like everyone else at this school, are too quick to let homophobia slide. And your lesson plans are boring.” – Kurt
“Are you on anything? Cause this is chippy.” “You smell homeless, Brett. Homeless.” – Brett and Kurt
“Are you sure we should free 300 live doves indoors? Won't that get kinda...messy?” “That's why we feed them glitter, Finn.” Finn and Kurt
“When you call me 'lady' that's bullying and it's really hurtful.” “I'm sorry. I thought that was your name. As an apology, I'll allow you to choose from the following nicknames: Gelfling, Porcelain, and Tickle-me-dough-face.” “I guess I'll go with Porcelain.” “Damn! I totally wanted Tickle-me-dough-face.” – Kurt and Sue
“You want a piece of The Fury?” “The Fury?” “It’s what I named my fist.” “Well, with that level of creativity, you could easily become assistant manager at a rendering plant.” “I don’t know what that is, but if I find out it’s bad, The Fury’s gonna find you.” – Karofsky and Kurt
“Do you ever fantasize about your own funeral?” “No.” “I do. Finn throwing himself into the grave out of grief, and all of the heartfelt speeches, and the regrets...” “That's insane.” – Rachel and Kurt
“Protect him. That bird is your voice.” “Hey, I'll bring him to work with me. Weekends, I volunteer at a stray cat rescue. It's at the bottom of a coal mine. [dead silence follows] Um, it was a joke. I...I don't work at a coal mine.” – Wes and Kurt
“Someone special?” “No, just a friend. But on the upside, I'm in love with him and he's actually gay. I call that progress.” – Mr. Schue and Kurt
“So what brings you here? Are you looking for a teaching place where pencils aren't primarily used as weapons?” - Kurt
“Why hasn't Finn told me anything about this? I bring him a glass of warm milk every night, just in the hopes we may have a little lady chat.” “Warm milk? Really?” “It's delicious!” – Kurt and Blaine
“Blaine and I love football. Well, Blaine loves football. I love scarves.” – Kurt
“Ok, I'm all for flair but these Valentine's Day decorations are just tacky. I mean, what the hell is this supposed to be?” “It's clearly puppy love. It's cute. Come on!” “Ok, this is just creepy.” “Adorable!” “It's a simple excuse to sell candy and greeting cards on a holiday.” – Kurt and Blaine
“The Warblers are so concerned with image and tradition that sometimes I feel like we miss out on opportunities to step outside our comfort zones. When I was on New Directions we performed in front of hostile crowds pretty much anywhere we went. Mattress stores, shopping malls...I had a cat thrown at me in a nursing home once. But it gave us confidence, it kept us loose.” – Kurt
Kurt: I was devastated.
“No one here knows I'm gay.” “Can I be honest? Just with the hair? I think they do.” – Jeremiah and Kurt
“Ugh. Don't they have anything here that isn't covered with stupid little hearts? Gross.” “Well, you've certainly changed your tone.” “I don't think I've ever made that big a fool out of myself, which is really saying something because I've performed at theme parks.” – Blaine and Kurt
“Blaine and I have a lot in common.” “A sentiment expressed by many a hag by many dating a gay.” – Rachel and Kurt
“Are you ok? You kept making those weird faces the whole song.” “Those weren't weird faces. Those were my sexy faces.” “It just looked like you were having...gas pains or something.” “Great. How are we supposed to get up on stage at Regionals and sell sexy to the judges when I have as much sexual appeal and knowledge as a baby penguin?!” – Blaine and Kurt
“Ok, give me sensual...now sultry...Um, Kurt, they're all kinda looking the same.” “Because the face I'm actually doing is uncomfortable! This is pointless, Blaine! I don't know how to be sexy because I don't know the first thing about sex!” “Kurt, you're blushing!” “I've tried watching those movies but I just get horribly depressed and I think about how they were all kids once and they all have mothers and God, what would their mothers think? And why would you get that tattoo there?!” – Blaine and Kurt
“So...you're saying I shouldn't have sex?” “I think on your 30th birthday it is a great gift to yourself.” – Kurt and Burt
“What's going on here?” “It was Santana. She wants to be Prom Queen so she figures if we can get you back, we'll get everyone to vote for us.” “I'm both repulsed and impressed by her Lady Macbethian ways. Latina Eve Harrington. [Dave looks clueless] Ok, if you wanna be gay, you must know who that is.” – Kurt and Karofsky
“But you will listen to Barbra Streisand. Thanks, Puck. I'll take it from here. Nice effort but only I can lead this Barbravention.” “Is she HERE?” “This is a mall in Ohio.” – Kurt and Rachel
“Stop it.” “Stop what?” “I know Sam's cute but he's not worth losing Blaine over.” “Oh, how I've missed your insanity.” – Rachel and Kurt
“I'm crazy about you.” “So...I'll take that as a yes?” – Blaine and Kurt
Kurt: Ladies. I appreciate you welcoming me into the sacred inner sanctum that is the prom gown dry run.
“I have no criticisms. Go with God, Satan. Santana.” – Kurt
“I understand that cupcakes are really trendy right now. And I know that the making of a foie gras might be a little morose, but I would at least like to graduate high school knowing how to make some kind of plate.” – Kurt
“No need for half-off for my outfit.” “Because half of it is already off?” – Kurt and Burt
Kurt: There's simply nothing off the rack that is suitable for the young fashionable man in Ohio.
“I have done everything right. Now Blaine, I understand that after what you've been through, you're worried, but Prom is about joy not about fear.” – Kurt
“Get behind me!” “Wow, I feel safe.” – Danny and Sam – “Mystery Meat,” the first episode of Danny Phantom
"Awesome outfit man!" "Oh great, I blend." – Some random guy and Danny – Masters of All Time
“I don’t have to win; I just have to make sure you lose!” – Danny – whichever one has Pariah Dark in it
"Touch the box, and your pelt will adorn my fireplace." – Skulker
“Great, my voice is changing. Now I’m going through evil puberty!” – Danny – TUE
"Who’s Paulina?" "That’s a pleasant side affect" – Danny and Sam – Danny Phantom
“What makes you think you can change my past?” “Because I promised my family.” “Ha! You promised?” “Yes… I…PROMISED!”– Danny and Dark Dan –The Ultimate Enemy
"You haven't seen the last of me!" "Duh, I'll see you at dinner." – Danny and Maddie – Public Enemies
"Clueless1, this is Goth1, do you copy?" "Yes Goth1, I copy. Why am I Clueless1 again?" "Tell him Sam!" "Shut UP Tucker!" – Danny, Sam, and Tucker talking on the Fenton Phones – Danny Phantom.
"Good Boy!" voice drops to whisper "You'll be getting a raise in your allowance for this." "I have an allowance?" – Jack and Danny – Danny Phantom.
“It’s like a disco! Dang it.” – Sarah on her Random and Boring YouTube video
"You just sneezed - and flew ten feet in the air!" "Really? It felt higher than that." – Sokka and Aang – Avatar the Last Airbender
"Drink cactus juice! It'll quench ya! Nothing's quenchier! It's the quenchiest!" – Sokka – Avatar the Last Airbender
"Ghost directly ahead. You would have to be some sort of moron to not notice the ghost directly ahead.” – Fenton Ghost Tracker – DP
“If I see the Box Ghost one more time, I’m going to–”“BEWARE!” Danny sighs and puts down his sandwich “–sigh and put down my sandwich.” – Danny and the Box Ghost – DP
Sam taps at his window “Sam! You snuck out to see me! Oh, this is just like Romeo and Juliet, except I'm the one on the balcony and I can understand everything we're saying.” – Danny – DP Whichever was the first episode that had Ember in it
"I can explain.” pause “Actually, I really can't." – Danny – DP
"I AM NOT A FRUIT LOOP!" – Vlad – Danny Phantom
"Look at that guy! He's got that sissy stringy music thing." "We've been through this. It's a harp, and you know it." "Oh, right. That's a harp, and that's a dress." "Robe!" – Kronk's shoulder devil and angel – Emperor’s New School
“You call that a lane change!? F!" – Mr. Crocker – The Fairly Odd Parents
“So while we're waiting for the fish to bite what do you say we um…” reads Father/Son Relationships for Stupid’s “do a little Father/Son bonding, spend some quality time getting to know each other better.” “Are you reading that out of a book?” – Danny and Jack – whichever episode where Danny and Jack went fishing while all the guys in Amity Park disappeared
After Jack drops a fish that he found in his shirt “Repeat after me. Jack holds his hands a few feet apart.“It was this big!” – Jack – whichever episode where Danny and Jack went fishing while all the guys in Amity Park disappeared
After arriving in the Ghost Zone, handcuffed to Danny, and seeing Skulker “Ahhh! Huh? Help! Ahh! What is this place? Who's he? What's going on here?” “Okay, in order: this is the Ghost Zone, that's Skulker, Ghost Zone's greatest hunter, and other than you dislocating my shoulder, we're about to be hunted like animals.” – Valerie and Danny – Danny Phantom
“For you, I’m thinking a dog.” “Can I be a mongoose dog?” – Zim and Gir – Invader Zim episode 1
“Spooky hospital. Ghosts guarding the joint. Still, no sign that Danny's in any real danger yet” “(From inside the hospital) Let me go!” “Still, technically not a cry for help.” “HELP!” “Well, not a cry for me.” “TUCKER!” Ah, dang.” – Tucker and Danny – The one Danny Phantom episode where the kids get ghost powers from the bug bites.
“No one can stop me now!” “No one maybe. (In ghost form) But how 'bout two?” “Two or two thousand. You still can't get past my ghost shield!” “(In ghost form) Uh, dude, that only works if we're outside the ghost shield.” – Technus and Danny – Danny Phantom
"It's a giant mushroom...MAYBE IT'S FRIENDLY!! Hello giant mushroom! Mushy giant friend!" – Sokka – Avatar: the Last Airbender
“Give me one good reason why I should keep my ghost powers!” “You’re the target of evil ghost hunters! No, wait, that's a bad thing...” – Tucker and Danny –Phantom Planet
"Clockwork? You saved them? I-I-I don't understand." "The Observants look at time like they're watching a parade: One thing after another passing by in sequence right in front of them. I look at the parade from above. All the twists and turns it might, or might not take.” "You knew all of this was going to happen. All of it! Even this part.” "Everything's the way it's supposed to be. And here we are with you, a fourteen year old child, risking everything to save the people you care about. TIME IN! You've given everyone else in your life a second chance, why not you?" – Danny and Clockwork – Ultimate Enemy
“It’s human nature to be afraid of the dark, and we are the dark.” – Knighting Gale – Static Shock
“Remember, you have friends in the shadows of the night.” – Knighting Gale – Static Shock
"Dude, you called me a worm, like, three times. How could I miss it?" – Richie/Gear – Static Shock
“How are we doing?” “Things couldn’t get much worse.” A giant sea serpent pops out of the water “The universe just loves proving me wrong!” “You make it too easy!” – Sokka and Toph – Avatar: The Last Airbender
Fanfiction: (I just realized that perhaps I should have asked the authors if I could post these...)
"Will this make sense…when 'm sober?" "No.” – Kurt and Blaine – Keitorin Asthore’s The Sangria Incident
"Please, people don't need to know you personally to realise Wes is gavel-sexual and your relationship is more than the 'epic bromance' you declare it to be." – Kurt Hummel – keariel’s Making it Official
"Are we falling back to our habit of checking out straight guys?" "No. He's hot, but I'm not interested. Plus, the philosophy of every 'straight' boy at Dalton is 'I'm straight, but shit happens.'" – Mercedes and Kurt – heavenhelpmyheart’s Meet the Warblers
"Mercedes, if I wasn't gay, I'd ask you to marry me.” "You can still marry me if you want, white boy. As long as it means you not leaving me again, I'll look the other way when you're screwing the pool boy, who'll probably resemble a very fine-looking hobbit." – Mercedes and Kurt – Amethyst Archer’s Lovesick Puppies
"I'm good, Derek. Just emptying the gun. Is the second floor done?" "Yeah. You figured out how to work a gun?" "Yup!" "Oh shit..." – Derek and Chloe – Vamp-fan1987’s Knight in Shining Armor
“Hell. On. Earth,” Iggy snapped. “A ninety-year old lady verbally assaulted me and the cart wouldn’t stop squeaking. I need to blow something up. Excuse me.”– Iggy – BlueWingedKitty's Co Ed Shopping on fanfiction.net
Having that much power, it’s a burden. Isn’t it child? Yes it is. You don’t get it do you? I’m still here. I still exist! But so did he. And he wasn’t HIM. No escaping me now ghost boy! But he got away anyway. There are all kinds of prisons kid. And he would ghost through every one of them. What makes you think you can change my past? He already had. You can’t possibly win. I don’t have to win, he found himself thinking, a smile on his face as he flew through the air towards the ghost. He knew who he was. He knew what he was. I just have to make sure you lose. – Danny’s musings – Dibbzy’s You Can’t Possibly Win on Fanfiction.net
“Jack, have you seen Danny?” “Mm-hmm. He went into his lair with some sort of giant hairy monster.” “Oh. Do you know if the, uh, monster is staying for dinner?” “Beats me. It looked like it was in a hurry; it might just leave.” “Jack?” “Hm?” “When did talks like this become normal?” – Maddie and Jack – HiddenAuthor’s It’s In The Genes on Fanfiction.net
“I say we call the Fentons!” “I say whoever said that is an idiot!” – two random people – the second part of the one-shot called Oops in CatalystOfTheSoul’s Oneshots
“It’s terribly early to be shouting people’s names at the top of your lungs, Daniel.” “It’s awfully early to be blackmailing people.” – Danny and Vlad – Danny Phantom SG-1’s one-shot Don’t Say It
"And...you had to tie me up to ask me that?" "No. I just like tying you up. It makes me feel good on the inside." – Danny and Skulker – Danny Phantom SG-1’s one-shot The Ecto Shot
"I keep forgetting the most destructive ghost on the planet is little more than a high-school dropout." – Vlad – BarenOBeefDip’s one-shot Boredom
“Well, I’ll drop you all off now, seeing as the drama is over with. Next time make sure you get captured at more convenient hours.” – Mr. Lancer – Neko – Salosa’s Danny Phantom fanfiction To Be A Halfa
"I'm going to a friend's house. Bye!" "Jazz has friends?" – Maddie and Jazz – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
"Jazz isn't home. She went to a friend's.” "Jazz has friends?” "I know. I wondered about that too." – Maddie and Danny – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
"Who the heck are you? And how did you get into our house?" "Danielle, and I came through the window," "Oh, well have fun then.” – Danielle and Jack – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
“Note to self, do not touch doorknobs.” – Danny – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
"I'm going to a friend's house.” "You have friends?" "Of course I do!" "Honey, how long has Jazz had friends?" "I don't know.” "Note to Self, have Danny find out how long Jazz has had friends." – Jazz, Jack, and Maddie – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
"Sorry! It's just that I need help! Jazz didn't know what to do, and is out with her friends –" "Jazz has friends?" "I wondered about that too!" – Danny, Dani, and Sam – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
"Jack relax. It's only Danny and his clone.” – Maddie – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
"Tucker, you’re a girl repellent. How do you get rid of a girl?" – Danny – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
"I'm Danny Fenton's unstable clone!" – Danielle – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
"I AM THE BOX GHOST! BEWARE!" "WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!" – Danny and (obviously) the Box Ghost – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
"Last year, Tucker was in the dunking tank, and when somebody hit the lever, he dunked into the water, but he almost drowned. That was the day everybody learned that he couldn't swim!" – Danny – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
“Just to bug ya, who are you taking?" "I want to take Sam but – " "But what?" "I don't know if she'll say yes." "Clueless." "I am not! Wait, why do people call me clueless?" "Because Sam likes ya!" – Pretty much the only reason why I find this funny is because it takes place between Danny and his grandparents – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge
"Daddy, I want to join the war.” "Maybe some other war.” "NO! I want to join this war!" – Walker and his daughter, Sara – ghostanimal’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Walker’s Revenge Doesn’t it sound like some spoiled brat demanding some sort of toy?
“Ok, Jazz. It won’t be a joke then.” Danny walks behind Jazz “There, now you’ve really got a ghost behind you.” – Danny – MarinaLilychan’s Danny Phantom fanfiction April Fools Drama
“So, now about your issues with April Fool’s Day, what do you want me to do? And I’m really gonna have to learn about these ghost holidays and stuff, before I wake up one morning to find it’s ‘kill Danny Phantom’ day.” “Well, we’ll have to see about getting in that holiday, just for you, Whelp. But until then, this is what I need you to do…” – Skulker and Danny – MarinaLilychan’s Danny Phantom fanfiction April Fools Drama
“I said I would, but only because I’m sick and tired of the ghosts pulling all these pranks on me today. I mean, if they were trying to kill me, that’d be one thing. But this is just not fun!” – Danny – MarinaLilychan’s Danny Phantom fanfiction April Fools Drama
“Why didn’t the alarm clock go off?” Tucker sees the broken alarm clock and glares at Danny. “Do I have to get a new alarm clock every time Danny sleeps over?” – Tucker – Wing-edZenith’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Untrusted
“So, you going to come hang out with us at the Nasty Burger?” “Can’t. I have to work tonight. I think I’m cleared for tomorrow though.” “Dude, you have a job! What about you’re other job?” “I quit, the hours were lousy, the pay sucked, and the working conditions were terrible.” – Sam, Tucker, and Danny – Blue Beluga’s Danny Phantom one-shot Retirement Of course, that other job, the one with lousy hours and such, was his ghost hunting. Danny’s such an idiot.
“Look, I can understand your attraction. I myself happen to like how Danny looks as well. But he’s right. It’s still creepy to be making out with the clone of your best friend.” – Sam talking to Tucker – The one-shot entitled Creepy in Blue Beluga’s Dabbles of the Ghostly Kind This was messed up. Danny and Sam walk into Danny’s room to find Tuck and Danielle making out on Danny’s bed.
"They say that there's no fury like a woman scorned... Whoever said that probably wasn't thinking about Valerie Gray at the time. So there we were, dodging and weaving around each other’s attacks. To the spectators, it was a sight to behold. They thought it was all part of the show. Can you say 'confused'?" "Well, it was a fight worthy of a climatic movie battle. Either that or an action-packed cartoon." – Danny and Clockwork – Maetch’s Danny Phantom fanfiction Danny Phantom: Fresh Start
“Danny said we could split his stuff. Well that ten dollars is officially his stuff now. I want my share!“ “What makes you think he meant money? When a person dies, unless otherwise stated in their wills, the money ends up going to charities.“ “Well look here, that money can go into the Tucker’s Saturday Night Date charity. The treasury is in my pocket. If Danny were still alive, he’d want it this way. He’d want me to have fun with his money.“ “First of all, not gonna happen. Second, DANNY’S NOT DEAD!“ – Sam and Tucker – ABoxFullOfSharpObjects’s one-shot Oops
“Well what do you suggest I do?” “Not die.” “Right. Glad I keep you around.” – Harry and George – xHarryIsMyHomeboyx’s Harry Potter fanfiction Discover my Friend
"It'll be a nice change to get one who isn't trying to kill us.” "I don't know. I almost miss it. We've been here almost a whole week, and I haven't had to use the Invisibility Cloak once." "Just as well, mate. You'd need a Shrinking Potion to get all three of us under it now. Oh, cheer up. Maybe they'll find the one person left in the whole of the country whose actually a competent teacher and still hates your guts. There's got to be someone." – Harry and Ron – Nomad1’s one-shot Wouldn’t be the Same
“Love, are you gonna stand outside all morning, or come and have some mourning cake?” “I was thinkin' about getting the hose and flooding the Potter's garden.” “I will put your car in a tree!” – Dudley, Dudley’s wife Sue, and most likely Harry even though it doesn’t say – Gothicthundra’s Harry Potter fanfiction A Dudley Story
The Weasley brothers had definitely taken after their parents as far as children went. Between the five of them, they had eighteen children, Charlie being responsible for six of them. The family had once sat down and figured out how many Weasley’s would be at Hogwarts at one time and the number had been terrifying: Fourteen, plus the three Potters. Harry didn’t envy the Hogwarts staff. – A little paragraph in Aria Gray’s Harry Potter fanfiction But She Took Him
“For Merlin’s sake, I’m a werewolf, not a complete idiot. Contrary to popular belief, there is a difference.” – Remus – Pirate Perian’s one-shot Between Werewolves
"Fascinating. They seem to fear the Captain. Holly, I have a proposition for you. How would you like to spend the rest of your days, employed as my cerebral bodyguard? The benefits are endless. Negotiable work hours, incredible work bonuses and the privilege of living in my head. Consider it." – Artemis – Sakina the Fallen Angel’s fanfiction Artemis Fowl and the Other Hunter
Copy and Pastes:
7 Things I Hate About Everyone
Top Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage Is Wrong
1) Being gay is not natural. Real American's always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3)Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans
"Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."
"Some people are alive today simply because it is illegal to kill them."
"I used all my sick days, so I called in dead..."
“They say ‘Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps, 'cuz if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG' I don't think you'd kill too many people.
So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?”
"Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate."
"No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me!"
"You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!"
"When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really? Who likes lemons?"
"When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it."
"When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then."
"I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse!"
"Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over!"
"Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to."
"I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept."
"Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide."
"I used to see a shrink... until she said life isn't for everyone."
"The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide."
"Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend."
“Step one: Tell the truth. Step Two: Run.”
"If electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from?"
"Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?"
"You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder."
"I used to be normal... until I met those freaks who are my friends." (vice versa)
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!"
"When in doubt, make up words!"
"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!"
"You say I'm not cool. Cool is just another word for cold. If I'm not cold then I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thank you for embracing it!"
"Come to the dark side, we have cookies!"
"One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject."
"Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, teach them how to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks!"
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!"
"When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide."
"A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work."
"Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
"There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM..."
"Music is like candy – you throw away the rappers."
"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my readymade fist and say, ‘Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole!’"
"Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!"
"The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not."
"Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... though I'm not so sure about the universe."
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone."
"Do not take life too seriously; no one gets out alive."
"If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk."
"Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?"
“Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon."
"I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly."
"Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now."
"People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers."
"If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up."
"Yes, I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear, thank you very much."
"Please: Don't throw your cigarette butts on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer."
"There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't."
"Welcome to the internet, pants optional."
"Warning: Trespassers will be shot, Survivors will be shot again."
"Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself."
"History doesn't repeat itself. It yells, 'Didn't you hear what I just said?!' and lets the hammer fly."
"If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
I got these from Marlicat’s profile who in turn got it from 14hp1's profile. The next stuff, too.
where we are headed...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
Actual Consumer Labels (Although I am sad to say I have never seen any of them myself):
“Ignorance is having to squish the same spider 3 times before realizing that something is wrong.”
“Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China. They decided to become American citizens, and ‘Americanize’ their names.
"If I think, and therefore I am, am I just a thought?”
“Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window...”
“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity"
"Eat well, stay fit, die anyway"
"Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars and thought to myself, ‘Where the hell is the ceiling?'”
“There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those who want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!”
“Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?”
“At the drive-thru, when they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.”
"There is a fine line between insanity and stupidity. Feel free to cross it!"
"I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold."
If you have a profile, paste this on your profile.
.eliforp ruoy otni etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
Some people think that life is long. Others think that it’s short. If you believe that life is life and either way it’s gonna end so you should just go ahead and live it, copy and paste this to your profile.
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters. If you agree, copy and paste.
If Fanfiction is to you what Facebook is to other people, copy this into your profile.
If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.
If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.
If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
If you dislike those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this to your profile.
Copy and paste this to your profile if every time your friends ask you what you did this morning you reply with something about being on the computer.
Copy and paste this to your profile if you think that it’s normal to have other people not be able to read your hand writing, but when you can’t read it it’s sad.
Copy and paste this to your profile if you have ever burst out laughing at something that happened more than a month ago.
Copy and paste this to your profile if you were pissed when Danny Phantom was cancelled.
Copy and paste this to your profile if you think that Sam and Danny are perfect for each other and Valerie needs to BACK OFF.
Copy and paste this to your profile if you tend to talk to yourself.
Copy and paste this to your profile if you think that the kids should just give the dumb rabbit some Trix.
Copy and paste this to your profile if you think that those dumb kids should just leave poor Lucky alone.
Copy and paste this on your profile if you rip your hair out every time you see someone using the wrong spellings of your/you’re or there/their/they’re.
Copy and paste this to your profile if you think that the backspace key is one of the best inventions ever.
Copy and paste this to your profile if every time someone called you weird/crazy/insane you just laugh and ask them when they first noticed.
Copy and paste this to your profile if you are constantly using big words or making up your own.
If you believe in God, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen in love with/had a crush on a fictional character, copy this to your profile
If you are guilty of doing a British, Irish, Australian, Southern accent or Elvis impression, copy this in your profile.
If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this onto your profile!
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile
If you have ever tried to walk through a wall, copy and paste this into your profile.
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile
If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.
If you want to push a person of a cliff right now, but that person happens to not exist, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile (No! the doorway hit ME!)
If you ever were told to go somewhere and you forgot why and you had to go back to find out copy this into your profile!
If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear baiting, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.
85 percent of the people who read Harry Potter think Luna Lovegood is crazy. If you are a part of the 15 percent that thinks she rules, copy this into your profile
If you hate Nickelodeon for not advertising your favorite show enough, then copy this into your profile!
If you screamed and jumped around when Aang daydreamed about kissing Katara, because you thought it was real, then was angry when it was fake, copy and paste this on your profile, to spread the Kataang love!
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If people tend to misunderstand you copy this to your profile.
If you think some people on Fanfiction could be famous Authors, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy this to your profile.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.
You often say stuff like “have you ever noticed that ‘deliver’ could mean like someone’s liver?”
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..."
You live off of sugar and caffeine.
People think you're insane.
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then disappear off the face of the earth the next.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101
By: Emo Rose
REMEMBER WHEN ..
Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now
15 percent of every high school population is considered "Popular". 20 percent is desperate to become a part of the popular 15 percent. 20 percent couldn't care less. 15 percent realize that popularity doesn't matter. 10 are too busy worrying about their grades to care. 5 percent are goths, 5 percent can speak another language fluently, and 5 percent are too stupid to realize that no one likes them. If you are a part of the 5 percent who think the 'unpopular' 85 percent should rebel against the popular 15 percent, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Ocean's Nocturne of the COCA, luvablenerd, soraroxas365, Dying-Lunar-Mystery, HermyStar, Paegodude,Call me Mad
You know what Mommy
You went to the doctor today.
I can hear that doctor again.
Every Abortion Is Just:
One more heart that was stopped.
If you want abortion to end now, post this in your profile!
All the different lines Minerva McGonagall has made students write:
"If Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout ‘TO THE BAT MOBILE!’"
"I will not tell everyone that I overheard my sister saying, 'So I was like, 'Avada Kadavra!' and he was like, 'Dead.' "
"I will not ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling."
"I will not call Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret."
"Remus Lupin does NOT want a flea collar!"
"I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort."
"I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month."
"I will not say 'dude, get a life' to the Dark Lord."
"I will not ask Professor Snape why he stole Batman's cape."
"I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my calculus book."
"I will not spread rumors saying, 'When Voldemort goes to bed he checks his closet for Mrs. Weasley.' "
"I will not tell Penelope Clearwater that Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it dances naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy."
"I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard!" when sent to the headmasters office."
"I will not send You-Know-Who a letter saying, 'I have eight Horcruxes, take that Voldy!' "
"Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda."
"I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class"
"If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation and draw a Dark Mark on their arm."
"I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand."
"I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing."
"I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens."
"I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him that they are real animals."
"I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween"
"I will not teach the house-elves to impersonate Paris Hilton."
evaded death eaters...
killed by drapery.
-I have a lot to live up to you know. There are so many Gryffindor' to torture, and my minions can't do all the work. That's why I need milk. Because, ferrets with strong bones bounce a lot higher. GOT MILK? Draco Malfoy
-A puppy dies every time someone ships Harry/Hermione.
A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, “You will die in seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best friend Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
A good friend Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. A best friend Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds’ butt that left you.
A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions
A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
A friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.
A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.
A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.
A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.
A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life.
…In Remembrance to Severus Snape….
….A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor…
...without all the red and gold crap.
…In Remembrance to Fred Weasley…
…Who fought bravely to the very end….
…And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half…
…And will loyally await his soul mate and brother…
… with many jokes…
...he's got forever to think of them, right?
…In Remembrance to Dobby…
…Who was more free and full of love…
...than any elf, and most humans.
….In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin….
...the last real Marauder...
…who was not just a wonderful father…
….an incredible husband and brave hero…
...as well as a freakin' awesome werewolf.
….In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks…
…who died for ‘the greater good’…
...and would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora.
…In Remembrance of Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody….
…whose motto ‘constant vigilance’ kept him alive…
...and scared the crap out of some kids too.
…In Remembrance of Tom Marvelo Riddle a.k.a. Voldemort….
…who was pretty cool, and cute when he was younger…
…but who got his ass thoroughly kicked in the end
…In Remembrance of Albus Dumbledore…
…whose past and wisdom confused us…
…whose seeming betrayal shocked us…
…but actually who turned out to be an okay guy in the end...
...despite the whole 'almost killing Harry' thing.
...In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange…
… because it’s was awesome how Molly slapped her with that Avada Kedavra!
...She deserved everything she got and more...
…In Remembrance of Colin Creevey…
…who we really didn’t know too well…
…but took a lot of pictures and died fighting in a war…
…so he must’ve done something good…
…besides stalking Harry...
…In Remembrance of Hedwig…
...Harry actual first friend…
...who lived and died soaring.
-I got this off of Dark Side Of The Light Side’s profile