Author has written 3 stories for Naruto, Inheritance Cycle, and Gone.
July 22,1993 - June 1,2013
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, its really the BULLSHIT and the ASS KISSING that will put you over the top.
Things you shouldn't say to cops.
1. "Sorry about knocking up your wife."
2. "Oh, hey officer. Why'd ya wake me up? What? I've been asleep this whole time, I don't remember running over any crossing guards."
3. "How about I buy you a dozen donuts and you let me off the hook?"
4. "Is that a pistol in your holster or are you coming on to me?"
5. "Hey Ociffer! Whaddaya been upwards to, huh?"
6. "Oh, sure! You arrest me for drunk driving. But, when some other cop does it, you go get donuts!"
7. "You're a member of the force, right? So... where's the lightsaber?"
8. "I know that you'd much rather be drinking coffee right now, so, what's stopping you?"
9. "I'm just a student driver... Honest."
10. "So... About the whole 'You'll never take me alive' thing... That was just a joke..."
11. "Yeah, I'd like a large fries, A whopper, One milkshake... wait, no, make that two milkshakes, and a stack of flapjacks."
12. "So, I was going 120 in a school zone? Then you must have been going 125 to catch me. Good job officer... Good job."
13. "Bad boys, bad boys... whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"
14. "What do you mean 'stealing from the evidence locker is illegal'? You do it all the time!"
15. "Hell yeah! a 500 ticket! I finally broke my record!"
I have some questions...
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
If a cow laughs does milk come out its nose?
If the opposite of pro is con, then, what's the opposite of progress?
If #2 pencils are so popular why are they still #2?
When the "Psychic Friends Network" went out of business, did they see it coming?
Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
If the sky is the limit, then is space over the limit?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
Is "Cute as a button" supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?!
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think Ill squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"??
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons does morality come from morons?
If two wrongs don't make a right, why do two negatives make a positive?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Isn't it ineteresting how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts" Since when has a gift NOT been free?
If a turtle doesnt have a shell is he homeless or naked?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an S in the word Lisp?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
If vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge would they call it Fed UP?
If quitters never win and winners never quit how can it be wise to: "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?!
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them!?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
After eating do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
If olive oil comes from olives where does baby oil come from?
Why is it that when transporting stuff on a car its called a SHIPment, but if transporting stuff on a ship its called CARgo?