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Joined 02-26-10, id: 2270534, Profile Updated: 10-26-11


Last night there was a big fight in our local fish and chip shop - a lot of fish got battered.

Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.
Man: No, it can't be for me, my name is Smith.

During WW II a German fighter pilot was shot down over England and he was captured by the British. He was hurt pretty bad, so the British doctor amputated his left arm. He requested that they drop his arm over his base in Germany. So the British did.

The next week they amputated his other arm and he asked the same thing. The British complied.

The next week they amputated one of his legs, and he again asked for them to drop it over his base in Germany. The British doctor replied, “Sorry Sir, we will do this no more!”

The pilot asked why not, and the British answered, “We think you trying to escape!!!.”

15 Things You Can Be Besides Team Edward or Team Jacob...

(Bold all that apply to you)

1.) Team Prime

2.) Team Gibbs

3.) Team Hot Rod

4.) Team Seekers

5.) Team Autobot

6.) Team Decepticon

7.) Team Maximal

8.) Team Predacon

9.) Team Gwen

10.) Team Trent

11.) Team Eva

12.) Team Chuck

13.) Team Bond, James Bond

14.) Team Anti-Twilight

15.) Team Harry Potter

15 Ways to Get Kicked Out of WalMart

1-Wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf

2-Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one.

3-Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price

4-Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some "musical devices"

5-When the intercom comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!"

6-Start a fish stick fight

7-Walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!"

8-(This requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming "The British are coming!!"

9-Walk up to an employee and murmur "Code red in aisle 3" and see what they do

10-Slip a bra and a lacey pink thong into a really macho-looking man's cart. (Just make sure he doesn't have any girls with him)

11-Attempt to fly off a high shelf

12-Throw confetti on random people walking into the store

13-Whisper "I know your 'little secret'" to people in the checkout line

14-Stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section

15-Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...They want me to take you aisle 8..

Flubbed Headlines

These are real goofed up Head Lines what do you think they were really trying to say?

JUDGE NOT CONVINCED MURDER VICTIM IS ALIVE (Isn't a murder victim dead in the first place)

11 HIGH STUDENTS SCORE PERFECT GRADE (And they said drugs hurt your grades)

MAN KILLED OVER PHONE(Parents should tell this to there teens to get them to stop texting)


MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH (Zombie workers on strike?)

Fun Things To Do In An ELEVATOR!

1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"

2) When the elevator doors shut, reassuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"

3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.

5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

11) Meow occasionally.

12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

18) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"

If you like being different and don't care what those jerks at school say put this on your profile and add your name below:Shadow Kitty 22, -Gasp- Dead Deer, Nightcrawler's Shadow, Blurr Fire, Haluwasa2, TeamGibbs4Ever,

this is this cat

this is is cat

this is how cat

this is to cat

this is keep cat

this is a cat

this is loser cat

this is busy cat

this is for cat

this is forty cat

this is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on.

Dog Vs. Cat


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I never the less must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.

However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'Good little hunter' I am.


There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'

I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage!

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.

I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.

He is obviously retarded.

A list of stereotypes that should stop. If you think they should stop too, post this onto your profile. And bold the ones you are if you wish:

I can't help pointing out MISTAKES, so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.

I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, so I MUST be a pussy.

I CRY EASILY, so I MUST be a wimp.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I don't CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I don't like THE SUN, so I MUST be an Albino.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I MUST be a homophobe.

I don't want a BOYFRIEND, so I MUST be lesbian.

I draw ANIME, so I MUST be a freak.

I dress in UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.

I got a CAR for my birthday, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I hang out with a former PROSTITUTE, so I MUST be a whore myself.

I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be gay too.

I would hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be gay too.

I support GAYS, so I MUST BE GAY too.

I hang out with TEENAGE DRINKERS and SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too.


I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I have A LOT OF FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I have hair that gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology, so I MUST be wrong or misguided.

I have STRAIGHT 'A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I love MARCHING BANDS, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I spot GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

I WATCH (or READ or WRITE) PORN, so I MUST be perverted.

I wear A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I wear BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I wear WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.

I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm a CROSS DRESSER, so I must be homosexual.

I'm a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I'm a FANGIRL, so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.

I'm a FEMALE NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants and ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay or just want to get into the girl cheerleaders' pants.

I'm a guy who wears TIGHT PANTS, so I MUST be emo.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape and want to get with every single girl I see.

I'm a LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm a MALE NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my penis.

I'm a NEGRO, so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm a PERFECTIONIST, so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.

I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs, wear black and date only other punks.

I'm a REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm a SKATER, so I MUST do weed and steal stuff.

I'm a STONER, so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be prude.

I'm a WITCH, so I MUST be and old hag and fly on a broomstick.

I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is a murderer.

I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.

I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world.

I'm an ONLY CHILD, so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be a nerd that does homework 24/7 and super sexy.

I'm AUSTRALIAN, so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love fried chicken, watermelons, kool-aid and believe that Jesus wuz a brotha.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a big butt.

I'm BRITISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers and talk with a funny accent.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against abortion.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a terrorist.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a cutter too.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have aids and be after every straight guy around.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I'm GOTH, so I MUST be mean and worship the devil.

I'm HAITIAN, so I MUST eat cats.

I'm HAWAIIAN, so I MUST be lazy.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm INTELLIGENT, so I MUST be weak and think I'm all knowing.

I'm into THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".

I'm JAMAICAN, so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I'm MIXED, so I must be screwed up.

I'm MORMON, so I MUST be perfect.

I'm MUSLIM, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN, so I MUST just need converting.

I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PAGAN, so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins and worship Satan.

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy and wear socks with sandals.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie and Hollister.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm SINGLE, so I MUST be ugly.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE, so I must be violent.

I'm STRONG, so I MUST be stupid.

I'm SWEDISH, so I MUST be a tall, white, blonde, blue-eyed, lesbian.

I'm TEXAN, so I MUST ride a horse.

I'm WELSH, so I MUST love sheep.

I'm WHITE and have BLACK friends, so I MUST think I'm black.

I'm WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a Satanist.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you are against racism, copy this onto your profile. THE ONLY RACE IS HUMANITY!

If you LOVE reading, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the world should have no violence, but probably will always have it, copy this into your profile.

If you think cancer is awful, put this in your profile.

Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, ect, copy this onto your profile. (I don't mind faux fur in the slightest, though! XD)

YOUR REAL NAME: Bond, James Bond

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): WHAT'S IT TO YA?

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):Pink Monkey

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): JEDIS ATTACK!

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Light Blue Coke

7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): BACK OFF!

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name): SO'S YOUR FACE!!!



You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
It's hilarious when people get hurt.

You've played with/against boys on a team.
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box.
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun.
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night.

Total: 6


You wear lip gloss/stick.
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner
You wear the color pink
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance.
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of everything

Total: 18

Result: Girly


"Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." - Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

"Good morning, Starshine. The Earth says 'Hello!' "- Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

"Guys, I'm going to kidnap the President of The United States."- Ben Gates, National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Chiron: This is a very powerful weapon.

Percy: It's a pen!~Percy Jackson and Chiron,Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

"Let's look death in the face and say 'whatever man'"~ Hurley, Lost

"This reminds me of a time..."~Dr. Donald Mallard a.k.a. Ducky, NCIS (ellipsis can be filled in with any random story that has nothing to do with the story line of NCIS what so ever!)

"McGeek"~Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo Or as he calls himself Very Special Agent Tony DiNozzo, NCIS (Referring to Tim McGee)

"Probie!"~Tony DiNozzo, NCIS (Yet again referring to Special Agent Timothy McGee)

"Baby, I am tied to a tree in a jungle of mystery and I just got tortured by a damn spinal surgeon and a genuine Iraqi. Of course I'm serious."~Sawyer, Lost

"What're you gonna do...SPLASH me??"~Sawyer, Lost

"Doctor playing golf! Wooo! Boy Howdy! I've heard everything. What's next? A cop eating a doughnut?"~Sawyer, Lost

Kate: "What do you want, Sawyer?"
Sawyer: "Freckles! I got so many answers to your question, I wouldn't even know where to start."~Sawyer and Kate, Lost

Sawyer: "You're in my light, sticks."
Shannon: "Lightsticks? What the hell is that?"
Sawyer: "Light, comma, sticks. As in those legs of yours."~Sawyer and Shannon, Lost

Sawyer:"Wait, what's going on?"

Walt:"Charlie and Claire. I think Ethan took 'em!"

Sawyer:"Ethan took 'em, huh."


Sawyer:"Took 'em why? And who the hell is Ethan? And why am I gettin' the evening news from a 6 year old?"

Walt:"I'm 10."

Sawyer:"Then it must be true!"~Sawyer and Walt, Lost

"Hey, Freckles"~Sawyer, Lost

Sawyer: (to Hurley, Charlie, and Aaron) "Well, if it ain't three mean and a baby, I counted Hugo twice.~Sawyer, Lost

Jack: (needs blood for transfusion for Boone, but Charlie only found out four) You only asked four people?

Charlie: I asked everyone. No one knows their blood type! I don't know my bloody blood type!~Jack and Charlie, Lost

Hurley: (out of breath) Did ether of you see a guy run through here... in a bathrobe... with a coconut?

Charlie:No...(cheekily) I saw a polar bear on roller blades with a mango.~Hurley and Charlie, Lost

Charlie: Guys, you have to look at this!

Jack: What is it?
Charlie: Claire's diary.
hold it out for them to read
Sayid: You read her diary?
Charlie: I know, I'm bloody scum... just read it!~Charlie, Jack, and Sayid, Lost

Charlie:(sees Claire writing in her diary) Dear Diary, still on this bloody island. Today I swallowed a bug. Love, Claire.~Charlie, Lost

Charlie:(talking to himself while Claire is in almost labor) I can do this, I kicked drugs, I can deliver a baby.

Claire: (gives Charlie 'What?' kind of look.)~Charlie, Lost

"We either live together... or die alone."~Jack, Lost

"That's why the Red Sox will never win the World Series"~Jack, Lost

"Don't tell me what I can't do!"~John Locke, Lost

(Locke says that he worked in a box company. After Locke remarks that it will rain in a minute, and it does.)

Boone: Did you learn that in the box company?~Boone, Lost

Charlie:"They'll find us. They have satellites in space that can take pictures of your license plate."
Sayid: "If only we were all wearing license plates."~Charlie and Sayid, Lost

Shannon:(To Hurley, talking about the census) You want my information? Name:Shannon Rutherford. Age: 20. Adress: Craphole Island.~Shannon, Lost

Shannon: (after Hurley informs her Claire has been attacked) What? I am so not moving to the rape caves!~Shannon, Lost

Jack: You picking up a little Korean there, Michael?
Michael: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know how to say "faster" and "idiot". ~Jack and Michael, Lost

Jokes about Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber used to be a Dog trainer. All he had to do was sing and any dog within a 34 mile radius would come flying.

Who's that girl singing?
Oh...Wait...That's Justin Bieber

I called Justin Bieber gay, and he slapped me with his purse.

90% of teens/preteens would breakdown if Justin Bieber was about to jump off a 6 story building. 9% of them would grab a lawn chair, some popcorn and watch. I am one of the 1% that would run up and push him off saying "Sorry you took too long!"

Justin Bieber's singing is the only thing that scares Chuck Norris.

95% of teens would cry if they saw the Justin Bieber at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this if you are part of the 5% that would sit there with popcorn and a camera and yell "JUMP B*TCH"

95% of teens would cry if they saw the Justin Bieber at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this if you are part of the 5% that would sit there with popcorn and a camera and yell "DO A FLIP"!

"Stop being mean to Justin Bieber, she has feelings too."

"Justin Bieber concerts end before 10 PM because he still has a bedtime."

"Don't worry, if we all die in 2012 Justin Bieber goes with us."

"Justin Bieber should sing about girls when he doesn't sound like one."

"Steve Urkel is more gangsta than Justin Bieber."

Justin Bieber is a good singer!


You know you live in 2011 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

EVER WONDER where we are headed...?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline: 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why 'abbreviated' is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why you have to click on 'Start' to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a 'Broker'?

Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a 'New & Improved' flavor?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport 'the terminal' if flying is so safe?

Why do etty, bitty, little paper cuts hurt so FREAKIN' much?

If they put warning labels on everything, why don't they put warning labels on warning labels?

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer:
'Do not use while sleeping'.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
'Directions: Use like regular soap'.
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
'Serving suggestion: Defrost'.
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom):
'Do not turn upside down'.
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
'Product will be hot after heating'.
(And you thought??...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
'Do not iron clothes on body'.
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication'.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
'Warning: May cause drowsiness'.
(And...I'm taking this because??)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
'For indoor or outdoor use only'.
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
'Not to be used for the other use'.
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts:
'Warning: contains nuts'.
(Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts'.
(Step 3: maybe, Delta?)

I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:
On a child's superman costume:
'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly'.

On a Swedish chainsaw:
'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals'.
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Find Me by xoJulia reviews
Emily Carson, a teenager in present-day New York City, comes across a notebook that leads her down road she never believed she could travel. this is more like a sequel to the movie .
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 31,485 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 4/14/2013 - Published: 1/4/2011 - Complete
One more day with you by Music of the wind reviews
What would you do if you had three days with someone you loved? That is the question Caroline, Ally and Aiden must ask themselves when Tyler is sent back for three days with no memory of what happened on 9/11/01.
Remember Me - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,437 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 8/24/2011 - Published: 4/29/2011
In Your Heart by foreverseventeen11 reviews
This is a story told from Ally's viewpoint. It tells how her life is changing only a short time after Tyler's death. This is my first story, so I really hope you enjoy it.
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,724 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 6/28/2011 - Published: 4/12/2011
Mr Monk Reunites A Family by Marie S Zachary
Lindsey can't believe her sister is dead and she even goes as far as to enlist the aid of the best detective in the world to find Suzzie. But their journey will take them a lot further then Lindsey or Monk could ever imagine
Crossover - Monk & Lovely Bones - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 644 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 4/14/2011 - Published: 6/17/2010 - Adrian M., Lindsey S.
Is it possible by kandy1043 reviews
A short story about the life of Tyler Hawkin's daughter.
Remember Me - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 578 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/12/2011
Big Brother by Mrs. One Direction reviews
Tyler and Caroline have been through a lot in their lives how does it affect their lives when their dad's habbit of not being there gets even worse?
Remember Me - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Tragedy - Chapters: 13 - Words: 10,657 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 2/12/2011 - Published: 7/2/2010
Caroline's Diary by MarySLi reviews
Two years after the incident, Caroline decides to write a diary in the form of letters to Tyler, describing her life after his dead. Not too good for summaries xd just read!
Remember Me - Rated: K - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,772 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 12/24/2010 - Published: 7/28/2010
12 Years Later by HarryPotter7881 reviews
What if Tyler Didn't die in the 9/11 attacks but what if he lost his memory instead. Ally never got over him and before he "Died" She got pregnant and had a daughter. And when he remember's he goes to find his Ally. I know i suck at summarys but read?
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,149 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 11/12/2010 - Published: 6/19/2010
Forrest Gump: 10 Years Later by Marissa of the Pen reviews
DRABBLE. Forrest recalls what happened in the past 10 years. Between the past and the future, Forrest recognizes life at its best, life, death, love, and loss and he wonders...why doesn't he run away from it all? Rated T for some language.
Forrest Gump - Rated: T - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 836 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/7/2010 - Complete
Why Edward Hates Blondes by Aradia Lestat-Ming Ue reviews
With Rensemee and Jacob's wedding coming up, Aro decides to send a Volturi guard to insure than Nessie learns how to be a real vampire. However, her arrival exposed secrets about Edward. Rated T: For Sexual Situations
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 55,138 - Reviews: 224 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 10/4/2010 - Published: 11/28/2008 - Edward
Dear Tyler by Future-Little-Mrs.-Teddy-Lupin reviews
I know its been done a lot, but i just had to do it.
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 698 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/12/2010
Tyler's Last Letter by Angelwiththeblackestwings reviews
What if Tyler's last letter was recovered from the wreckage of the Towers? What would he have written?
Remember Me - Rated: K - English - Family/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 737 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/31/2010 - Complete
Flowers For A Ghost by TheTwilightDiaries reviews
A story about if Ally died instead of Tyler, And how Tyler deals with the loss a year later... A story of Hurt, love, sadness and loss. Dedicated to the people who died in the Twin Towers September,11th 2001
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,359 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/28/2010 - Published: 8/5/2010
A Second Chance by Alagaesia girl reviews
What if Caroline had died instead of Tyler?
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,898 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 7/31/2010 - Published: 7/5/2010
It's endless, 1996 by AlIsBack reviews
A talk between Miguel and his current boyfriend David.
Philadelphia - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 622 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 7/31/2010 - Complete
My Last Goodbye by dazzleme15 reviews
A little insight into what I think of Tyler's last moments. On the short side. I was inspired by the UK dvd release. Give it a chance.
Remember Me - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,067 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/28/2010 - Complete
Love, Your Maestro by WriterLiz88 reviews
Caroline's thoughts on Tyler's death, through a letter. If you read, please take the time to leave a comment !
Remember Me - Rated: K - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 587 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/6/2010
A New Man by samanddianefan10 reviews
Joe does some reflecting on his friendship with Andrew and has a change of heart.
Philadelphia - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,169 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Published: 7/1/2010 - Complete
Twist by annabethchase96 reviews
Remember Me with a twist. Full summary inside. Rated T for language and mentions of rape
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,132 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 6/25/2010 - Published: 3/26/2010
The Sun Rises and Sets With You by Melissa Barsana reviews
What if Mike was never Mark? What if Mark Gold really was Ned's kid? What would've happened the day that Maggie told him that Stan dumped her? one-shot. R&R plz! :
17 Again - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 687 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 10 - Published: 5/25/2010 - Maggie, Mike/Mark - Complete
That letter by angelinthesky-121 reviews
A short fic on Michaels suicide letter. Sort of depressing, so rated T. *SPOILERS*
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 543 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/20/2010 - Complete
Last Portraits of My Brothers by NamelessForNow reviews
On 11th of September, 2001 Caroline couldn't concentrate on her lessons. A quick look at her thoughts that hours. Oneshot.
Remember Me - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 602 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/2/2010 - Complete
Worth The Wait by Morine123 reviews
After 28 years, Ally still hasn't forgotten about her first love. And he hasn't forgotten about her either. 28 years later, and they haven't seen each other, until a tragic cab brought Ally to Tyler.
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,767 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/30/2010 - Complete
Our Spot by BittenByBates reviews
The first time Tyler and Caroline went to their spot. One-shot.
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 671 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 4 - Published: 3/26/2010 - Complete
Years Later by BittenByBates reviews
Takes place in 2012, one shot. This is my first Remember Me fanfiction.
Remember Me - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 943 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/24/2010 - Complete
Mean Boys by alijazzy reviews
Forks High just got its own version of the Queen Bee royalty - only the reigning King is Edward Cullen! Bella Swan is the new girl from Africa - how far will her clueless upbringing fare in high school? Twilight-Mean Girls! Just poking fun! AH, OOC
Crossover - Mean Girls & Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,506 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 3/19/2010 - Published: 12/21/2009 - Bella
The Proposal HP Style by HeartOfLove reviews
The Proposal movie with Harry Potter characters in the scences Harry/Hermione
Crossover - Harry Potter & Proposal, 2009 - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,834 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/24/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
Killing Edward Cullen Buffy Style by missbrunettgirl reviews
Anti Twilight fanfic. Don't read if you are easily offended.Buffy is tired of all the fan girls attacking her when she is out slaying vampires so the scoobies come up with a plan! Hilarity ensues! Includes kidnaping of a certain author... R&R.
Crossover - Buffy: The Vampire Slayer & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,273 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/22/2010 - Buffy S., Edward - Complete
After She Left by openmymind reviews
a story from Jenny's POV after she leaves Forrest, after they sleep together. Will continue, through her pregnancy and building her life with Little Forrest. Please read and review! :
Forrest Gump - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,442 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 10 - Published: 12/21/2009
Sanctuary by AlkalineTeegan reviews
Tony seeks solace after returning from a funeral. He finds it not in a place but in a person and a thing. Spoilers for "Twilight" but really, who here hasn't seen that one?
NCIS - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 917 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 5 - Published: 12/2/2009 - Tony D., Leroy Jethro Gibbs - Complete
Regrets by lipstickdisaster reviews
A pair of blue eyes looked up at me and I felt a tiny heartbeat beneath my palm. And I realized nothing could be so small, so tender, so beautiful. How Mike felt when Maggie was born; based on the speech in health class. Short oneshot.
17 Again - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 393 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/13/2009 - Mike/Mark, Maggie - Complete
Health Class Alternate Plot by elLOCObanana reviews
What would have happened if Mark/Mike was really Ned's son and if so what is the reason that he moved in with his dad?
17 Again - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 708 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 8 - Published: 7/27/2009 - Mike/Mark, Stan - Complete
This Magic Moment by feltlikeamovie reviews
Basically my version of what happened during the first scene between Scarlett and Mike : Rated PG I guess, I hope you enjoy!
17 Again - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 826 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 5 - Published: 6/7/2009 - Mike/Mark, Scarlett - Complete
What I Wouldn't Give by TherealMrs.EdwardCullen94 reviews
Grey's Twilight crossover,Edward left Bella, Her and Jacob are married, what happens when Bella goes into labor and finds out her babies might not have the same father?, Grey's Up to date, Almost all human, Addison is visiting, Mark a vampire?
Crossover - Grey's Anatomy & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,991 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 5/2/2009 - Published: 4/26/2009 - Addison M., Bella
Twilight: the Abridged and Humorous Version by Abbey Mae reviews
Not in the mood to go through hundreds of pages of obsessive love to know what happens in the highly overrated and should-be hated Twilight series? Then just click here! Warning: Not intended for overly-defensive Twilight fangirls.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,929 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 3/14/2009 - Published: 3/5/2009 - Complete
Jenny's Letter by JillSwinburne reviews
After Jenny dies Forrest finds a letter addressed to Lietenant Dan.
Forrest Gump - Rated: K - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,491 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 115 - Follows: 6 - Published: 2/9/2009 - Complete
Blonde, I mean Edward jokes! by Truffle's Girl reviews
Haha! Lets all make fun of Edward! Another one of those ATM Anti-Twilight Movement stories
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 253 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/19/2009 - Complete
520 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts by MuffinMartians reviews
520 things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts. edit: There is now 521!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,817 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 319 - Follows: 37 - Published: 1/30/2008 - Complete