Author has written 9 stories for Naruto.
My main fic, Naruto Reads Naruto, has been taken down by FF . net admins for "violating community guidelines" (AKA, being a MST-fic). As I respect the admins' wishes, and also do not wish to be banned, I will not putting it back onto this site. If I find a replacement site, I will link it here. In all likelihood, though, I will not be continuing this story. You can find my writing for MLP:FiM fanfiction under the pen name Golden Vision on fimfiction . net.
Thank you all for being such a wonderful community over the past two years.
Hey everybody, Sage of Seals here, and welcome to my profile. I'm a high school student who's pretty much obsessed with manga, and that shows up pretty well here online.
My favorite manga/anime (at the moment) are almost definitely One Piece, Fullmetal Alchemist, Naruto, and Bleach. (in that order). Of course, my interest them is constantly going through ups and downs, what with all the new reveals and such, but... yeah. As for lit, some of my favorite series include stuff like the Dresden Files, Codex Alera (Jim Butcher FTW!), Pterry Pratchett, H2G2, WOT, and the Gone series. Definitely a fan of Avatar, at least for the animation, but I'm beginning to despise the Harry Potter movies for destroying all the continuity and self-respect the series has got.
Canon: Okay, so here's the thing: I like the series; I really do. But, you know when Hermione says in the first book, "Most wizards haven't got an ounce of logic"? I'm beginning to think that of Rowling, too. (No offense to her and her million-dollar franchise)
So, to sum it up, we've got-
An apparently(?) abused protagonist. (Never tells anyone else)
A ridiculously dysfunctional 'foster' family for him.
Two side characters, his friends, who are:
A 'know-it-all' bookworm, who is frequently undervalued in the books, and, though I'm not a shipper, ends up with the most ludicrous pairing EVER.
And, his OTHER friend who is there for...what? (Also a part of The Pairing of Insanity)
A teacher who, is very nice and is very well-educated on his subject, does not seem to understand the meaning of safety warnings.
Another teacher who, though is apparently very knowledgeable about his subject- we never actually see it in practice- is basically a child abuser. Are you s*ing me?
A third teacher, the protagonist's "Head of House" - and, by the way, the whole 'House' idea is totally *ed up - who is, throughout the entire series, completely ineffectual.
One who is freakin' DEAD, and teaches NONE of the subject material- or at least what it SHOULD be...
One who is basically schizophrenic, is ridiculously depressing and useless, and is only on as a charity case.
Several who...do pretty much nothing, actually. (And apparently ACTUALLY teach.)
This guy deserves special notice: I'm not sure if he's an idiot, or just the manipulating old bastard that 70% of all fanfic makes him out to be. The thing is, he:
a. Gave the Potters/Longbottoms the apparently WORST protection spell ever (Fidelius), along with horrible suggestions on how to use it- AKA, the 'You can be your own secret-keeper' fiasco.
b. Sent Harry to a place where he was almost GUARENTEED to be abused, mentally and/or physically (which, he admits, was his original plan), on the basis that it would be 'safest'. HELLO? Hogwarts, maybe?
c. Sent freakin' HAGRID- AKA, really nice guy, but not the best tour guide ever- to introduce Harry to the sights- and house prejudices- of the Wizarding World. (Seriously- he basically says that Slytherins are all evil, and literally says that Hufflepuff are: 'a load of duffers'.)
d. Brought the Philosopher's Stone to Hogwarts (apparently because the couple who had been holding it for bloody CENTURIES didn't want it), or at least a fake, and, as far as I'm concerned, set it up as a trap/training excercise for Voldy/Harry. I mean COME ON! The guy ADVERTISED it, and then made it so that a couple of 1st years could get through it, for God's sake!
e. Is apparently the worst teacher evaluator/employer ever, as well as the most horrible student-interface ever. (I'm looking at you: Snape, Trelawny, Binns...Quirrel, Lockheart, Fake!Moody, etc, as well as Mr. 'I Just Sit In My Office Everyday')
f. Couldn't be bothered to Legilimens his DADA applicants for years 1-4 (excluding Moony, of course).
g. Was apparently impotent during the ENTIRE 2nd book (which, by the way, I'm half convinced was also a test for 'lil Harrikins)
h. Was helpless (maybe) to safeguard the castle in book 3, and, in addition, didn't even bother to push for a trial for an innocent man.
i. Placed NO preventative measures on the Goblet of Fire.
j. IMMEDIATELY announced that Voldy was back, besides knowing that Fudge would rather crap himself in public than admit that.
k. Allowed for ludicrous amounts of government interference in a SCHOOL.
l. Is more focused than a single, abused student than the quality of education.
m. Not only allowed, but ENCOURAGED the existence petty and violent House rivalries.
To Be Continued...
Anyway, I've got a few main fics up right now (three have been discontinued/adopted, though I'm keeping 'em up):
A Memory Long Lost: My first fic, it got some attention, but unfortuantely I'm completely stuck on how to move it along. Expect no updates until at least fall, if not even adoption or discontinuation. The basis is that Naruto and Sasuke, while fighting Madara (everyone's dead) somehow get warped back in time because of the power of the (incomplete) Juubi. They wind up in the time period of the Yondaime- when he's a child. So, as young children themselves, they've got to grow up alongside their parents and mentors to put things right. But they're not the only ones who came back in time...
Edit: A Memory Long Lost has been adopted by Echo Uchiha.
The Curse of Immortality: My second story, it started out as a crazy idea. I mean, we've all seen stories where Naruto is immortal, but how many of them don't focus on "Naruto living in NYC omg!1!!" So, as an idea, I thought to make him come back in a time period only a few hundred years after his own. Unfortunately, I never got past the prologue. Discontinued.
Naruto of the Five Elements: This fic is pretty much my main focus, at this point. We all know how the Juubi/Rikudou Sennin was master of all skills and whatnot? And how, in half of all element!Kyuu fics, he's got power over all of them? Well, that's what's going to happen in this story. Kyuubi, seeing Naruto beaten and hurt, disgustedly sets its mind on having a strong vessel, and so gives its mastery of the five elements to the boy. Of course, it won't be that easy to use, and the other demons won't take too kindly to having a demon share its power with a mere mortal...
REBOOTED- SEE NARUO OF THE FIVE ELEMENTS V2 (WILL BE UPDATED SOON, I PROMISE).
Naruto no Hen'itai: Loosely translates to "mutant Naruto." Thought about it while reading X-men/Naruto crossovers, because it always seems as if Naruto only develops powers if he goes to Xavier and the rest, or vice versa. My original plan for it was to bring in Wolverine as a sort of mentor, but decided to leave him out because he really wouldn't be doing much other than saying "hello, you are mutants." So, instead, I'm using the plot of the comics/books/films/etc. very loosely, with the genin developing powers; however, there won't be any X-men canon, especially since I know zip about it. I'm going to try to give everyone powers fitting their personalities/abilities- for example, kitsune are traditionally shapeshifters, so... Anyway, remember how Orochimaru is obsessed with genetics/experimenting? Yeah... (Note: Due to time constraints, this may be updated very sparsely, along with Naruto of the Five Elements. I'm sorry, but I've just got so much on my plate- plus apparently much more popular fics- so I'll probably be able to update only once every month (and a half?). Sorry
Kami no Naruto: This is a trilogy of sorts, in which Naruto (three of them- parallel universes FTW) gains the favor- and powers- of three gods: Kami, Shinigami, and Inari. Right now, there are three stories: Kami's Messenger (Light), Shinigami's Warrior (Dark), and Inari's Guardian (Nature). Meanwhile, there is a reason why Naruto's getting a powerboost...but you'll have to read the prologue to find out the full reason! Muhahahahaha! (By the way, it's called "And Let the Chaos Come"- READ IT, DAMN YOU!)
Finally, there's "Naruto Reads Naruto", in which the Naruto crew reads fanfic and such about themselves. Self-explanatory, right? This is my most-loved fic, with over 750 reviews, and I'm focusing nearly all my time on it. Read it- just finished "One-Man Team" and "House of Cards", and just started "Yet Again".
Honorary Member of The Book of Log.
If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments
Position: Log Worshipper.
Possible Book of Log Positons:
Log Worshipper: Beginning position. No requirements
Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story
Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log
OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews
OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.
Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still reccommended.
Log excerpt number 231: if konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months.
Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:
For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.
For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five
For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten
For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall
For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant
If your log is defective you may call 1-800-BAD-LOGS to file a complaint. If
'and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy.
'as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.'
'you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads.
'and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend.'
'he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none.
'the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content.'
Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log.
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
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