Southamerican Eggplant
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Joined 03-10-10, id: 2284794, Profile Updated: 10-13-14
Author has written 9 stories for Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Halo, Elder Scroll series, and Transformers/Beast Wars.

We are Southamerican Eggplant, a hive-minded entity composed of international vegetables.
Edd. Writer/character creator. Trying to pay for surgery to become a horse.
Jam. Character creator/editor. Stays hydrated.

Edd's tumblr.
Jam's tumblr.
Our AO3.

Characters:
Volt. Indigo Decepticon motorcycle with a penchant for exploding heads. Excellent sniper, terrible people person.
Kickstand. Indigo Decepticon motorcycle who is more than happy to beat you to death with your own limbs. Likes violence, not much else. Is a major ass.
Eliza Cousland. Redheaded Grey Warden in possession of a soft heart and more freckles than anyone has a right to have.
Susan Hawke. Freakish giant (with gorgeous hair) with a big sword and an even bigger thirst for alcohol. Will smash a man's head between her enormous thighs.
Mary FUCKING Shepard. Rule-breaking, ass-smashing, gun-slinging captain of the Normandy. Outer space redheaded redneck. Legally changed her middle name to FUCKING.
Redka. Pint-sized pyromaniac Dunmer girl. Once a cabbage farmer, now a treasure hunter/outlaw/mercenary/cabbage stew connoisseur. Will chew on any and all Thalmor eyes.
Frande. Skinny, bony little Breton with the approachability of a rock. He doesn't like anything half as much as he likes being on his horse. Getaway driver for Redka and Jdar.
Moham'Jdar. Something of a father to Redka and Frande. Main occupation is smashing his head against hard objects in frustration and giving Frande different types of wedgies.

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Into The Unknown by Mystic Potato reviews
The Arbiter is bored one day when a mysterious and sexy stranger (Master Chief) displays interest in him. Romance ensues... EDIT: This isn't joke fiction. This is my magnum opus.
Halo - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 787 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/12/2013 - Master Chief/John-117, A. J. Johnson, Arbiter, Cortana - Complete
In The Breaking by Mystikwriter reviews
Time passes in skips and starts, but the agony is constant, never abating, swelling beneath his skin until every breath is wrapped in a scream.
Dragon Age - Rated: T - English - Angst/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,394 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/6/2013 - Fenris, Danarius - Complete
Transformers: Juxtaposition by Vaeru reviews
Sparkbearer Saga: Part I. G1-based AU. A car wreck on a rainy night leads to the oddest partnership imaginable. A disembodied voice, possessed cars, alien robots, kidnapping, rescue, abduction, sparks, keys, and tomato sandwiches... Read if you dare.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 40 - Words: 122,996 - Reviews: 1757 - Favs: 1,238 - Follows: 629 - Updated: 8/2/2010 - Published: 3/30/2007 - Sideswipe, Ratchet - Complete
The Sundered Sword by callalili reviews
It’s a draining thing, a demon’s kiss—-even from a demon who looks like a girl he used to love." The Tower is crumbling, and Cullen is caught in a demon's cage. /One-shot.
Dragon Age - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,749 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 5 - Published: 12/5/2009 - Cullen - Complete
Always by callalili reviews
He's a Templar, meant to guard mages and to guard against them, and the first part of his duty is no less important than the second. Cullen/Amell, written for Bladesworn.
Dragon Age - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,769 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 5 - Published: 11/20/2009 - Amell - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

For Fear of the Dark
He is Optimus Prime, and it is his duty to protect. Short Optimus/Elita drabble, set on Cybertron.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 125 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/11/2014 - Elita One, Optimus Prime - Complete
In the Rain reviews
Her shirt buttons are slick with blood. He sees her chest, clammy with rain and skin sliced to chilly ribbons. The Inquisitor is wounded, Cullen wonders why it is that there's never a guarantee of tomorrow. Short Cullen/Inquisitor drabble.
Dragon Age - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 180 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/27/2014 - Cullen, Inquisitor, Trevelyan - Complete
Forsworn
Redka shrugged. Life was precious. There was no time to regret- not this. Not anything. Not even Frande.
Elder Scroll series - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,781 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/19/2014 - Complete
Lone Wolf reviews
Six never truly knew what being a lone wolf meant. Not until now, anyways.
Halo - Rated: K - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 656 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/7/2014 - Emile-A239/Noble Four, Catherine-B320/Kat/Noble Two, Carter-A259/Noble One, SPARTAN-B312/Noble Six - Complete
Thorn in My Side reviews
Shepard is trapped in a hospital room with her thoughts, with a man she hates, and some truths she'd rather not confront. Mary Shepard is steel, but Saren Arterius is gravity itself.
Mass Effect - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 935 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/7/2014 - Shepard (F), Saren A. - Complete
I am Yours reviews
There are little parts of Fenris' body that are open to Hawke, and only to Hawke.
Dragon Age - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 299 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/10/2013 - Fenris, Hawke (F) - Complete
Fingers, Sovereigns, and Sacks reviews
Susan creaked up the stairs with a burlap bag slung over her shoulder. She headed to the sitting room where Fenris usually slept and eased open the door. He lay slumped over a table with a wine bottle loose in his grip. He looked to be asleep. Time to change that. OLD WORK.
Dragon Age - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 671 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Published: 2/24/2013 - Fenris, Hawke (F) - Complete
Cracks in the Fountain reviews
Fenris considered himself an expert at slipping away in the night. Susan was a light sleeper, always had been as far as he could tell, and he wasn't about to wake her up with uncomfortable twitching. So he slipped out of the room, creeping silently down the stairs and out the back door. He sat by the fountain in the back yard. She found him, like she always did.
Dragon Age - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 724 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Published: 2/24/2013 - Fenris, Hawke (F) - Complete
Checking In reviews
Alistair rested his chin on his knees. He wondered if Eliza had as much trouble sleeping as he did. He had never heard so much as a peep from her tent, though he did know of some Grey Wardens who seized up in their sleep, unable to make a sound while gripped in the throes of their nightmares...Oh. That was a terrible thought. What if that were happening right now? OLD WORK.
Dragon Age - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,665 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/5/2012 - Alistair - Complete
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