Author has written 5 stories for Twilight, Harry Potter, and Lord of the Rings.
I am female and far older than my years which is all anyone really needs to know. You may call me E.
My passion is books and reading, my main favorites consisting of Twilight, Harry Potter, The Black Dagger Brotherhood Series, Anything Cassandra Claire (City of Bones..etc..), and Lord of the Rings.
I am intelligent, reclusive, and introverted with a sarcastic wit. If you like Harry Potter, than you should know I'm a Slytherin, complete with a love of snakes.
I love to write, paint, sing, sketch, and dance. I hate people in general, but those who are my friends and family I am fiercely loyal to. I think writers should reply to reviewer's comments, it's only polite, and I love long, criticizing reviews.
You can find all my stories, especially ones that have been removed due to content, on Deviant Art. I'm also on Facebook. Friend me if you desire.
Oh, and I saw this and put it up for first time readers, because even I get confused sometimes!
AU - Alternative Universe
The Idiot's Guide to Flaming
Here it is ladies and gentlemen. I am going to personally hand out some tips on how to properly flame.
Now I will admit that I've only ever been flamed once, but let me tell you that it was a sore disappointment. I was waiting for my first flame and then when it came, it was a complete flop. I've seen an awful lot of poorly executed flames here and there and I think it's about time that people start spreading the word on proper flaming before one of these idiots hurts themselves. So here are the basic rules:
1) Please have a point. I can't stress this enough people. If you think something sucks, there has to be a reason. If you have no point then there's no point in reading your review.
2) Post some literary venture of your own before you attempt a flame. Think of it as your resume. We need to see some credentials damn it! You can't just walk in off the street! How do we know if you're qualified to be making this judgment? We can't let people go around writing these things all willy-nilly. If nothing else, it's bad form not to give us something we can flame you back for. (Remember, you only get the credit for this one if you're brave enough to sign in.)
3) Check your spelling and grammar. There's nothing worse then making a bunch of grammatical errors right in the middle of telling someone else what's wrong with their writing. You lose all credibility. Yeah... You hear that?... They're laughing at you!
4) Do it with style. You've heard the saying, I'm sure. 'If a thing is worth doing it's worth doing well.' If you're actually going to take the time to cut someone down, the least you could do is get their attention. A simple 'duh... it sucks George' is not gonna cut it. Seriously. If you intend to be mean, then at least try to come off like the villain, and not like one of his nameless henchmen. (think scathing)
5) Read summary warnings. Trust me. You don't want to go ripping on people for content that you were clearly warned about. That honestly only makes you look like an idiot. Wait, what's that?... Oh, they're laughing at you again!
6) Throw in some amusing word play. When you step into the arena baby, you want to show off your skills. A truly good flame entertains the crowd. That way people don't just plain hate you outright. You want them to almost look forward to more of your acerbic wit.
7) NO CAPS LOCK!!! OR REPETITIVE PUNCTUATION!!!. Not only does this make you look like a spazz, but it totally removes the element of surprise. It's far too unsubtle. The author will immediately take note of what's going down and possibly not bother to read at all, and that's no fun. The best flames are sneak attacks. You want to lull your target into a false sense of security.
8) Keep the cursing to a minimum. I know you may be tempted to show off that 'vast vocabulary' of yours. But while a single curse (or creative phrase) in the right placement can accentuate a point or give a flame some interesting flavor, an over abundance of cursing will make it seem that you're trying to cover the fact that you don't actually have anything relevant to say. Remember, there is in fact a difference between enthusiasm and Tourette Syndrome. (And those people have a real problem. You shouldn't mock them like that... you animal)
And last but not least
9) Think quality, not quantity. Try -as hard as you can, for the love of god- to refrain from overzealously spamming the author with mountains of inane reviews, especially for a fic that you know is already complete. You cannot automatically assume that your opinion is important enough to the author that they'll actually bother to read twenty-some-odd crappy (repetitive and/or conflicting) comments. -yawn- You have to earn that kind of importance through a demonstration of skill and intelligence. While one may be able to get away with the multiple review tactic if each review has real substance, generally one big well-executed flame at the end has much more impact.
There they are. Please feel free to rip them off and post them where ever the hell you like. Don't hesitate to let me know if there's anything that you think should be added to the list as well. I may think of some more later myself. Invariably you think of more of them when you happen to see a poorly executed flame. It's a real problem and we need to get people educated on the issue.
I'd like to finish with a moment of silence for all the poor, lame little flames out there who never really had a chance...
Links For My Stories
Harry's iPod Cases:
The New Student
Stories I Beta
Summary: "Would you like to come with me then?" were the fatefull words that would eventually lead to Harry's involvement with the Ring and the Fellowship. Struggling to regain his lost magic, Harry is thrown into a journey he had never expected, a journey that, in the end, would reveal a most strange connection. SLASH!
Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Harry P. & Legolas - WIP
"If you make Frodo a Jedi, you must give Sauron the Death Star."
The only reason that I talk to myself, is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
If you die, I'll find a way to bring you back and kill you myself!
Normal people worry me. :(
Those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do.
Don't regret doing things, regret getting caught!
Everyone in life has a purpose, even if it’s to serve as a BAD EXAMPLE!
I reject your reality and substitute it with my own. -Adam, Myth Busters
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
It's mind over matter. I don't mind, ‘cause you don't matter.
I went insane and all I got was this stupid jacket...
Curiosity killed the cat, but fulfillment brought it back.
I didn't create sin, I've just perfected it!
Join the Dark side, We've got Cookies!
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it...
If talking to your self is the first sign of insanity, what’s sign two?
Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.
Show me a sane man and I’ll cure him for you.
I’m already imagining duck tape over your mouth.
Until I was 13, I thought my name was shut up.
When you find yourself without a friend in the world, you know you have succeeded!
I’ve already won, so shut up and bow before me!
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives me lemons, I squirt lemon juice in life’s eyes.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
Don’t think of it as ditching school, think of it as a self approved field trip... :D
A friend will tell you he's not worth it. A best friend (or me) will call him and tell him he has 7 days to live.
"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay."
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
You have the right to remain stupid, anything you say can and will be ignored. If you can't afford an attorny well that's just too damn bad.
If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile.
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children. (So where did the gay people come from...)
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
Now, just a little hint. Reviews speed the writing process! Lol! They feed the insane workings of my mind! Muahahahahahahaha! Muahahahahahaha! Muahahahahahaha! (cough, cough, cough, Phlem) (pant, pant) It's okay. I'm okay. I meant to do that! (passes out from lack of oxygen) Oh, by the way, review please. I have cookies! But whether or not they are poisoned you'll just have to find out!
Oh, and it's a well known fact that reveiwers go to heaven! (possibly from said poisoned cookies)
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