My Name Is NOT Jessica
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Poll: Ah, the eternal question: Fang or Iggy? Vote Now!
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Joined 03-19-10, id: 2294824, Profile Updated: 01-18-14
Author has written 7 stories for Maximum Ride, and Twilight.

Hi kidlets

I created this account when I was eleven, maybe twelve. As I'm writing this I'm fifteen. I haven't been on here in at least two years - I just stopped coming, and eventually forgot the password.
Well, today I busted back in. Reset my password (I don't know why that didn't occur to me before). I knew what was waiting for me would be a goldmine of cringe... But oh my god, sweet tits, it's bad.
No one ever thinks that they're going to change in two years - but trust me, you are. It's just growing up - and that's not to say that I'm *too mature* to write fanfiction now. It's just that my interests have changed. Since the last time I updated a story, I've been in and out of therapy, I've dyed my hair at least four different colors, I shaved half of it off, I got into punk rock, I wanted to kill myself, I saw my favorite band live and decided not to. I'm gonna be a sophomore in September.
Look, I don't really know where I'm going with this, but at the risk of sounding attention whorey, I'm a way different person from who I was last time I was on here. Maybe that's just because I'm older now or maybe it's because my brain went rogue and tried to destroy me at some point and I don't think anyone could come out of something like that exactly the same as the way they went in. I'm okay now, but the way I was this time last year, I wouldn't wish it on, like, like, Catherine Hardwicke.
Originally I was going to delete everything - stories and one shots and profile and everything, and only keep the account to review friend's stories now and then. But sitting here now reading back through the insane rambling and horrible awfulness of my tweenage self, I mean, I remember this stuff. And yeah, it reeks of the stench of cringe, but you know what? I had fun doing this shit. Fanfiction was something that I was really happy when I was doing it. My interest waned before it could be contaminated by depression and all that fun crap.
So while I'm not going to be writing here anymore, and what I've already posted makes me want to puke all over everything I have ever loved (though that's mostly because I was eleven when I wrote it urghrghr), I'm going to keep my profile and stories untouched for the nostalgiagoggles they provide. I hope you're still young enough to enjoy em, and if not I hope you get that I enjoyed writing em.
You can find me on my Instagram (but I hope to god if you're from Instagram you haven't found me here).
Keep it real, friends.

Rusty
7/10/13


BRIEFLY KNOWN AS "YAMS YAMS YAMS" AND "TIC-TACS AND LEMONADE" RESPECTIVELY

Name: Jessyka, NOT Jessica!

Nickname: Snow

I can be found on Youtube under the username -redacted- My email is -redacted-. My -redacted- is right here. This is my -redacted-. -redacted-.

I made my icon myself, using MyWebFace! If you can't read it 'cause parts of it got cut off, or if you feel like reading it twice, it says "Yet Another Girl Fallen Victim To The Pyromanical Charms of... IGGY"

Reading: Now You See Her by James Patterson (GO JP!!)

Listening to: PARAMORE!

Writing: Winging It

Me in a Nutshell (Hey, that sounds naughty!): Future artist/psychologist/paranormal investigator and current Maximum Ride F.R.E.A.K. (Fanatic Radical Extreme Addict Kid) , I go to junior high school in a really small New York town. I'll read anything I can get my hands on, and when I'm not reading, I'm writing or drawing! I have a huge crush on Zak Bagans from Ghost Adventures. I am totally going to marry him. I was part of the Advanced Art program in my school, until it got CANCELLED (I'm still mad about that one.) My star sign is Capricorn and my secret weapon is Google. There are seventy or more OCs living in my attic, along with Iggy from Maximum Ride. I pulled a Saint Fang and kidnapped him. My current theory is that I bought him from a vending machine for twenty-five cents. Reviews make my soul jump for joy and flames make me cry in the emo corner. I have ADD. It's not all it's cracked up to be, more like being chronically bored. I also have insomnia, which is much more fun than it sounds. Sleep is so boring. Catchphrase: That sounds naughty!

Friends on Fanfiction: KaylaAnonymous, JPfreak100, HolyFangTard (They're actually the same person.), Nudge153, Shojo-Chan, ShadowOfHades, PartyLikeAMutant, ShutUpAndLetMeGo

Friends Who May be Mentioned in my Fanfics: Kayla "Max" "Mega-Me" "Sushi" "Sunshine" "Face" "Emo Face" "Kaylers" "Kaylers McFly" JPfreak100, KaylaAnonymous -- Close enough to be my sister. And we argue like it too!
Jasmynn "Jaybrams" "Jables" "Jayb-Jayb" "Bo Razmynn" "Little Red" "Cupcake" Nudge153 -- She's insane. And REALLY loud.
Nichole "Snickers" "Bacon" "Fnichole" "Nicocaine" -- Let's hear it for the bad influence! Golly, a real live emo person is mah best friend!
Dustin -- A guy friend... He's effing hilarious.
Dwight "Tubby D" "Man-Boobs" "Flab Attack" -- One of Dustin's friends. Even more perverted than him, but not very funny.
Josh "Flandre" -- Another guy friend. He's even more effing hilarious than Dustin!

Appearance: I'm an average height, but I wish I was short so I could wear a shirt that said 'I'm not short, I'm fun size!'. I've got mostly fair skin with freckles. Choppy layered, side banged hair with psychotic colors. Mainly platinum blond with purple streaks and red-brown underneath. Think Luna Lovegood gone neon punk with a little Kristen Stewart thrown in. It gets in my eyes ALL. THE. TIME. My eyes are my favorite thing about me. They're, like, a gray-green with tawny near the pupil and gold flecks. Or hazel. Whichever.


Stories

Chasing Yesterdays -- Adopted by KaylaAnonymous. Go!

A Gigantic Abundance of Random Crossover Crap -- I should really stop neglecting this story...

Me And Iggy -- Drabble, drabble, drabble. Probably going to be updated the most 'cause it's so easy to write.

Winging It -- I will begin the fifth chapter. Soon. Any day now. Promise.


Favorite Books

Maximum Ride by James Patterson

Going Bovine by Libba Bray

Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling

Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer

The Gemma Doyle Trilogy by Libba Bray

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

The Haunting of Alaizabel Cray by Chris Wooding

Cindy Ella by Robin Palmer

Geektastic: Stories from the Nerd Herd edited by Holly Black and Cecil Castellucci


Favorite Music...

Too many to name... Just check my playlist (Link at the top)


To the members of Project Aero:

We get where you're coming from, with the whole "ridding the world of bad fanfiction" thing, but you've gone too far. Calling someone a miserable excuse for an author because they didn't follow some obscure rule? Even if their story is well-written? Yeah, not on our watch. To be honest, I don't think you know what being an author IS. It's not about following someone else's rules; it's about making your own. After all, rules were made to be broken.

--Fang's Army
Founded by My Name Is NOT Jessica and KaylaAnonymous


Before We Go Any Further...

(Cue slow piano music)

I have something important to bring to your attention.

"Let's eat, Grandpa!"

"Let's eat Grandpa!"

Punctuation saves lives.

Check Twice, Save a Life.


You could call them Geek Creds.

I am the girl who locked herself in the bathroom at Friendly's and refused to come out until she'd finished reading The Deathly Hallows

I am the girl who got in a screaming match on the street over Team Edward versus Team Jacob.

I am the girl who argued with random strangers over “Severus Snape: Friend Or Foe?” at the mall.

I am the girl who burst into tears at Subway when she finished reading Freak The Mighty.

I am the girl who forced her mom to drive her to the mall so she could buy Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports the day she finished School’s Out -- Forever.

I am the girl who was once literally bored to tears in school.

I am the girl who never sleeps at night.

I am the girl whose brother tried to start a mosh pit at her first school dance.

I am the girl who found out about The Atlantis Complex over GoogleBuzz.

I am the girl who decided to pull a Saint Fang and kidnap Iggy.

I am the girl who can fall asleep while listening to screamo at full blast on headphones on a school bus full of screaming people.

I am the girl on youtube who gets in comment wars constantly.

I am the girl who nicknamed someone named Arnold “Enrique Fillippe Junior Cortez”.

I am the girl with heavy metal in her blood.

I am the girl who held a funeral for her laptop.

I am the girl who is severely romantically-challenged.


37 Secrets About Yourself.

(Be honest no matter what.)

1) Have you ever been asked out?
Yup, thrice. One I turned down, One lasted three days, and the last one dumped me for my best friend.

2) Where did you get your default picture?
I made it myself!

3) What's your middle name?
Ugh, Rose. It's the same as my best friend Kayla. And we were born at the same hospital. Exactly four weeks apart. And we're almost like twins. Hell, maybe we are twins and our mom was in labor for four weeks.

4) Your current relationship status?
Single and freaking proud of it!

5) Does your crush like you back?
Eh, he's oblivious to me.

6) What is your current mood?
Staring in awe at Rambo's big nose!

7) What color of underwear are you wearing?
Ooh, I'd give that question a 10 on a scale of one to creeper! Blue.

8) What color shirt are you wearing?
A shirt I made myself that says "THE FLOCK" on the front, and on the back it says "Snow: O.C. Iggy is awesomer than cupcakes!".

9) Missing something?
My Burt's Bees blemish stick! *Wails in anguish* It REALLY worked and now it's gone and I have a huge zit!

10) If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
I would've NOT lost my blemish stick.

11) If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
A falcon! I'd be all like "CAW!" and small mammals would screech in terror!

12) Ever had a near death experience?
Maybe.

13) Something you do a lot?
Doodle. WAY more than I should.

14) The song stuck in your head?
Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright.

15) Who did you copy and paste this from?
Journey21

16) Name someone with the same birthday as YOU?
I don't know any! How 'bout same star sign? NOSTRADOMUS!

17) When was the last time you cried?
A few months ago at the theater. I went to see Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, and it got to the part where Dobby died... I loved that little elf!

18) Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Yeah, with middle school chorus. Never solo.

19) If you could have one super power what would it be?
Flying. So typical of a Maximum Ride Freak. But honestly, who wouldn't want to fly?

20) What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Hairstyles. I likes 'em on the longer side. But I'll settle for bee-yoo-tiful eyes instead!

21) What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Actually, there aren't any Starbucks in walking distance. And I can't drive. And my mom wouldn't take me because she thinks lattes are overrated. But she is SO wrong!

22) What's your biggest secret?
Do I have to have a big secret? I'm an open book. Mostly.

23) Favorite color?
Yellow!

24) Do you still watch kiddie shows?
Define 'kiddie'. I watch cartoons, but not little-kid shows.

25) What are you?
Your worst nightmare.

26) Do you speak any other language?
I'm learning French

27) What's your favorite smell?
Pumpkins... Sweet Gooseness, I love pumpkins!

28) Describe your life in one word what would it be?
LA-DI-DAH!

29) Have you ever kissed in the rain?
I've hugged in the rain.

30) What are you thinking about right now?
Milk.

31) What should you be doing?
Something constructive.

32) Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
My older brother. He's a Metal Snob. Need I say more?

33) Do you like working in the yard?
When I was younger I liked driving the lawn mower in circles while singing Happy Birthday in Spanish.

34) If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Ride. Jessyka Ride. Hey, that's got a nice ring to it!

35) Do you act differently around the person you like?
No, not really.

36) What is your natural hair color?
My natural haircolor is ash blond, but last October I tried to dye it black, and it's dark blond right now.

37) Who was the last person to make you cry?
Whoever made The Deathly Hallows movie. Or would that be blamed on J.K. Rowling?


MAXIMUM RIDE FAN QUESTIONS:

1. Do you think Iggy is hot?

TOTALLY!

2. Did you cry when Ari died?

Yeah, but only the second time (Does anyone else realize how completely messed up that sounds?)

3. Do you think Fang is hot?

Not as hot as Iggy.

4. How do you pronounce Ari's name?

Arr-ee.

5. Do you laugh every time you read the name Mr. Chu?

No. Why?

6. -SPOILER ALERT- In MAX, did you laugh hysterically when Total started talking about marriage?

It was cute!

7. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you squeal at all the faxness in MAX?

Hypothetically.

8. Did you angrily throw your book across the room when the flock split up?

I would've, but I was afraid I'd hurt the book.

9. Who is your favorite character?

Iggy! Then Max, then Jeb.

10. Do you like Jeb?

Jeb rocks my socks.

11. -SPOILER ALERT- Were you making a genuine "WTF" face when Max and Fang grew gills?

Yep

12. Did you think MAX was better than TFW?

Um, yeah!

13. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you get slightly fed up with Nudge and Angel's slight attitudes in MAX?

Angel. Not Nudge though.

14. Which book is your all time favorite?

Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, definitely.

15. If the flock had a theme song, what would it be?

Through the Fire and the Flames by Dragonforce or Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan. Or By Myself by Linkin Park. Or -- Well, most of Linkin Park, even A Thousand Suns.

16. Have you ever imagined the flock as a band playing whatever song comes up when listening to your iPod?

Only ALL THE TIME. Iggy could totally be Chester Bennington!

17. Who do you think the voice should be?

What kind of question is that? It's not a matter of who it should be, it's who it is. And honestly? I have no idea.

18. Do you think one or more members of the flock should learn to play an instrument?

For the sake of Fanfiction, yes.

19. What bugged you the most about TFW?

Have you noticed that if you re-arranged the letters of TFW it comes out to FTW or WTF?

20. MIGGY or FAX?

FAX is my drug. Except now I can't read any Fax 'cause that will make me think of how it ended and I'll cry.


YOUR REAL NAME:

Jessyka

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus -izzle):

Jesizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):

Yellow Falcon

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name and a fancy name):

Rose Brielle

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):

Red Dr. Pepper (WTF?)

7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name):

Esomlje

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name):

Rose

9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets):

Black Sly


1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4.

"The pigeons were swarming -- thousands of them dive-bombing the spectators in the stands, attacking the other chariots." -Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?

Air

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Disaster Date

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:

9:12

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

9:14

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

My brother practicing his bass guitar... Sounds like Black Sabbath to me

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Earlier today when my Dad was making hot dogs on he grill

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

My deodorant... I know, that's really weird.

9. What are you wearing?

My favorite outfit -- A black Linkin Park shirt, a black and green hoodie, and jeans. And a bandaid on my foot. (That part's not my favorite...)

10. Did you dream last night?

Yes! Me and my friends were all acting like those people from ANGEL, the brainwashed ones? And we owned a zoo. And we were being all cheerful when these zombies came and we had to fight them off, but Jaybrams got bitten so we had to drown her. We were quite positive about it. I think there was also a love triangle at some point.

11. When did you last laugh?

Just now, talking to Kayla on AIM.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

A Twilight poster, a Hunger Games poster, a Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I poster, and a ton of fan art and other assorted drawings.

13. Seen anything weird lately?

If you were with me when I was on the phone with someone once, this is what you would hear: "Have you tried a blowtorch? Try a blowtorch, it works like a charm. . . . Uh, I can't, it got eaten by a sheep. A cannibal sheep. . . . Well, it was a blowtorch-sheep hybrid. I have six of them."

14. What do you think of this quiz?

This is a quiz?

15. What is the last film you saw?

Pirates of the Carribean: On Stronger Tides. Or is it STRANGER tides, I can't tell...?

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

...A latte. Then I'd buy Wal-mart so I can get richer, but put someone else in charge of it so I don't have to work. Then I'd launch a clothing brand!

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:

I've got new socks on!

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I'd give myself wings and end world hunger.

19. George Bush:

Gobble gobble whopper whopper!

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

Max, Piper, or Nieka.

21. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Linkin, James, or Miles.

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Sure, why not?


LIST TWELVE OF YOUR FAVORITE BOOK CHARACTERS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER (CUT AND PASTE)

1. Iggy

2. Max

3. Jeb

4. Ella

5. Ari

6. Fang

7. Nudge

8. Gazzy

9. Angel

10. Dr. Martinez

11. Dylan

12. Harry Potter (Ooh, wild card!)

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

Fang/Dylan?! No and no. Uh, they kind of hate eachother.

2. Do you think Four (Ella) is hot? How hot?

Sorry, I don't play for that team.

3. What would happen if Twelve (Harry Potter) got Eight (Gazzy) pregnant?

Then we would live in a messed-up crossover fic where it was physically possible for dudes to get pregnant. When they're eight.

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine (Angel)?

Why, yes. Yes I can. ;D

5. Would Two (Max) and Six (Fang) make a good couple?

Yes! Absolutely!

6. Five/Nine (Ari/Angel) or Five/Ten (Ari/Dr. M)? Why?

I've actually read an Ari/Angel fic. Granted, it was written on a dare, but still...

7. Is there any such thing as One/Eight (Iggy/Gazzy) fluff?

Knowing fanfiction, probably.

16. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

Shrugs* Last October?

(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (7). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (6), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (12).

Iggy and Nudge are in happy relationship until Angel runs off with Nudge. Iggy, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Dylan and a brief unhappy affair with Fang, then follows the wise advice of Ari and finds true love with Harry Potter.

That's just... weird.

18. How would you feel if Seven/Eight (Nudge/Gazzy) were in a fight?

I would give Nudge a gasmask, Gazzy some earmuffs, and send them on their merry way.

19. What would you think if you found (5) (Ari) was a really good friend of a sibling or relative of yours?

Happy that I even knew anyone from Maximum Ride, then weirded out because Ari's supposed to be dead.

20. How would you react if you saw (8) and (11) (Gazzy and Dylan) in a closet together with a rubber ducky?

How could I see them in a closet unless I was there with them? ...Oh crap.

21. How would you feel if (2) dissed you in the worst possible way ever?

I would laugh because I didn't know Jeb could diss people!

22. You just came home from school and all of your friends hate you, your teacher just gave you an F on the most important project of the year (just imagine it happened for the smart alecks out there), and your parents have grounded you as your teacher had already called and told them of your grade. You open the door to your bedroom and you find (10) rummaging through your stuff. What do you do?

I'd just be like, what up Dr. M?

23. What would you think if (1) was emo and had tried to slit his/her wrists? If (1) is already emo/slit his/her wrists already, what would you think if (1) became the most optimistic person in the world?

I'd think Iggy talked to Fang too much

24. What would you feel this second if (4) gave you a daisy right now?

Gosh Ella! I already told you I don't play for that team!

25. (6) has just stolen your hairbrush. What is the first thing you would say?

My hairbrush is neon pink. Think day-glo. Fang would not steal my hairbrush.

26. (7), (9), and (4) have banded together at 3 in the morning and starts to sing the most annoying song you know as loud as they can, waking you up. What is the first thing you think?

Strangely, Ella, Nudge, and Angel are most likely to do that.

27. (2) and (11) are your teachers. What would you do?

Jeb and Dylan! Yay! Time for a crash course in mix'n'match DNA and cloning!

28. What would (8) say if (1) and (5) got married?

Gazzy would snicker and ask to be the ring-bearer. But why does it seem like Iggy would be the one in the dress?

29. Would (2) most likely be related to (10) or (9)?

Jeb has slept with Dr Martinez. That would be weird. Probably Angel.

30. What would (6) most likely be buying at Target?

He'd ask what aisle the Voices were in...


IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, playlist, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

Opening Credits: Scars -- Papa Roach

Waking Up: Welcome to the Family -- Avenged Sevenfold

First Day At School: The Catalyst -- Linkin Park

Falling In Love: 1985 -- Bowling for Soup

Breaking Up: A Really Cool Dance Song -- Bowling for Soup

Prom night: B.Y.O.B. -- System of a Down (Okay, that's... a wild prom...)

Life: The Anthem -- Good Charlotte

Mental Breakdown: Savin' Me -- Nickelback

Driving: Wretches and Kings -- Linkin Park

Flashback: Holiday -- Green Day

Getting back together: St. Jimmy -- Green Day

Wedding: Shake It -- Metro Station

Birth of Child: Misery Business -- Paramore

Final Battle: Love Drunk -- Boys Like Girls

Funeral Song: Enter Sandman -- Metallica

Final Credits: Fucking Perfect -- P!nk


1) Are you wearing braces? -No, but I might get them soon.

2. What kind of cell phone do you have?- Um, I'm supposed to have a cell phone? I'd have, like, four contacts on it.

3. What color is your purse/wallet?- Um, I'm supposed to have a purse? I don't even have money to put in it. I'd just use it for notebooks and pens.

4. What is your body's best feature?- My hair or my eyes.

5. Do you hug teachers often? Nah. They're creepy.

6. What is your birthday?- January 14th

7. What is your favorite name for a girl?- Nieka, Maximum, Astrid, Piper...

8. For a boy?- James, Miles, Linkin...

9. What is your favorite movie?- The Uninvited.

10. What color shirt are you wearing right now?- Black

11. Who is your favorite celebrity?- Zak Bagans!

12. Look back at #10. Did you have to look to see what color shirt you were wearing?- Nope

13. What is your favorite subject in school?- French

14. What is your favorite teacher's name? (last only, or initials)- Hand

15. What is your dream career?- Freelance artist!

16. Do you like to volunteer?- Yeah, sure. Except I have ZERO people skills.

17. Are you active in a church/youth group?- Um, no. I'm agnostic.

18. What is your favorite number?- 3, 7, 21, and 56

19. What is your favorite fruit?- Pomegranates. Wait -- is pumpkin a fruit? 'Cause I love pumpkins.

20. What is your favorite store?- Hot Topic... 'Cause I'm goffick. JUST KIDDING! God, that fic was such a fail.


Got a problem with me? Solve it.

Think I'm trippin'? Tie my shoes.

Can't stand me? Sit back down.

Can't face me? Turn around.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

How to Lose a Girl in 10 Days by ablondeinaunionjack reviews
When Lissa comes back into Fang's life, she proves surprisingly hard to get rid of. But Max is coming back in ten days...so he enlists the help of the Flock. Chaos ensues. Can they get rid of Lissa in time? Currently taken down, pending rewrite.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 87 - Reviews: 396 - Favs: 132 - Follows: 128 - Updated: 4/1/2013 - Published: 3/27/2010 - Fang, Lissa - Complete
St Fang's Poetry Corner by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
So, I got bored in Spanish class. Out of boredom, I decided to write some Fang-related poetry and other little writings. I learned one thing fo attempting this: I am no poet. At least it's kinda funny. Narrated by me and Fang! Fang: Not again...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Parody - Chapters: 45 - Words: 101,661 - Reviews: 1321 - Favs: 237 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 10/28/2012 - Published: 1/7/2009 - Fang - Complete
Midnight snacks by Rainbow Pills reviews
Max should really lay off the Midnight Snacks. She has a crazy nigthmare that causes her to wake up in cold sweats. Comedy.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 472 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/19/2011 - Complete
Ze End of Fanfiction by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Inspired by 'The End of Ze World' video by AlbinoBlackSheep. How our beloved Fanfiction site will come to an end...
Crossover - Misc. Books & Misc. Movies - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 648 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/10/2011 - Complete
TAE Bloopers by Aleria14 reviews
Have you ever wondered what screw ups the MR characters made while making the first book? Well, here's your chance to find out. The Flock could never get it all right on the first try, and they enjoy being difficult for the directors. Some Fax. R&R
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 14,809 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 2/12/2011 - Published: 3/31/2010
Amazing Cliches by rainbowstrike reviews
This parodies the many over-used fanfiction topics that I've seen around here. Stupid, random, & OOC in a good way :D. Hopefully I can give you a good laugh. Rated T because I dunno what will pop out of my mind at times. Chapter 35; A/N Chapter of doom
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 35 - Words: 31,205 - Reviews: 856 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 12/19/2010 - Published: 7/10/2009
Flock Madness by Claire Ride reviews
The title used to be Elevator Madness. In this story the flock gets into some...interesting situations. Tons of pranks and random comedy! Read people!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 39,071 - Reviews: 299 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 11/15/2010 - Published: 8/22/2009 - Angel, Max - Complete
Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
Ever wonder what it's like to be inside Fang's head? Follow Fang's diary as he attempts to tell Max he loves her in just one year, while also trying to save his neck. It's hard to be a guy...Fax. Complete.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 62 - Words: 239,551 - Reviews: 8262 - Favs: 1,862 - Follows: 720 - Updated: 6/12/2010 - Published: 6/2/2009 - Fang, Max - Complete
Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock by IndifferentIgnorance reviews
The flock have come to stay for summer, so Ella decides to write a blog while they're invading her house and eating her cookies.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 21,936 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 5/4/2010 - Published: 4/26/2009 - Ella - Complete
The Adventure of the Science Llamas by Tally XD reviews
This is a really weird spoof that Ni and I wrote on Flockforum Chat. It is in complete caps lock, but that makes it better. It includes Pluto, tea parties, slash, toes, colors, science, llamas, and it's pretty funny. And weird. Story type 'normal? Lol.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 628 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/2/2010 - Complete
Nudge Ends the World! by penspunk reviews
Max gets into a rant about how Nudge is going to bring about the end of the world. Oneshot. Hilarious. Read on.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,258 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 2/24/2010 - Published: 6/2/2009 - Max, Nudge - Complete
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Winging It reviews
Snow and Livvie were the Institute escapees. Now they're forming a Flock of their own. But can they really trust an ex-Eraser, a boy with his mouth sewn shut, a girl with a dagger, a Generation Omega gone insane, and a girl bent on revenge? T for language
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,521 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/2/2012 - Published: 10/29/2010
This is Not a Bomb, I Promise reviews
I got bored one day, so I started talking to Iggy. Next thing you know, there's an earthquake, some reviews, and another chapter. How did this happen? I don't know! It's Maximum Ride, it's random. What more could you want?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,591 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 7 - Updated: 10/22/2011 - Published: 6/23/2010 - Iggy
Maximum Ride: A Christmas Carol reviews
On Christmas Eve, Fang gets a surprise visit from someone from his past. What follows is a supernatural adventure he won't soon forget. Humor/Parody. OOC. Written around Christmas last year.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,042 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/13/2011 - Fang - Complete
Crossover: Setting the Example for True Insanity reviews
What happens when The Flock meets Bella and Edward, then Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter and Katniss Everdeen pop out of nowhere? Inludes many OCs and LOTS of OOCness and tons of randomness. Rated T for Tater-tots.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,841 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 4/30/2011 - Published: 4/18/2010
Chasing Yesterdays reviews
Adopted by KaylaAnonymous. Don't worry, she's good! I promise.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,635 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/11/2011 - Published: 4/30/2010 - Max, Fang
What I've Done reviews
Basically it's a song fic to Linkin Park's What I've Done of when Ari finds his expiration date and turns good. It's... different than what I normally do... One-shot. Rated T 'cause, well, it's Maximum Ride, people! It's a teen series.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 544 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/8/2010 - Ari B. - Complete
Beware: Angel's Mind reviews
A rare insight to the mind of Angel! Find out the REAL reason she joined Dr.Gunther-Hagen! See her plans for world domination! See people barfing sunshine and gumdrops falling from the sky! Really, it's just...insane. One shot. Rated T becuz I say so.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 663 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/8/2010 - Angel - Complete