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Joined 03-21-10, id: 2296862, Profile Updated: 02-15-12
Author has written 5 stories for Naruto, and Kuroshitsuji.


Name: Melissa
Favourite colour: who knows i'm colourblind, but i think i like green :P
Favourite anime & manga: Naruto/ kuroshitsuji / Soul eater
Music: Heavy metal and rock
Favourite bands: Marilyn Manson, Emilie Autumn, Rammstein and system of a down.
Favourite manga characters: Hidan, Undertaker, Death the Kid and Grell Sutcliffe.
Random piece of info about me: i'm vegetarian! And a tree hugger! And i have 4 dogs, 2 guinnea-pigs, a bearded dragon and a crested gecko (called Jiraiya)

Just to clear this up i am English, i wear trousers, drink tea, eat scones and yes i constantly talk about the weather. Most people say that they are just stereotypes... they're not. I realised that i bring up something about the weather to about 3 people per day and i only drink tea from a cup and saucer although maybe thats just my picky taste...

Conversations that i overheard from various people around the country that i really shouldn't have:

- Woah! i just made my mouth bleed by impersonating a blobfish!

- Then they told me i had mallet fingers! And they just stuck a cone on the broken finger! All the doctors really did was just insulted the size of my 'sausage' fingers!

- Did you know that you can eat pigeons!? its amazing!

oh my jashin! me and my family were in the shop peacocks today, my sister went round the corner of the shop... moments later i heared a huge crash so went to investigate, i found my sister in a huge pile of underwear holding the bra rack. she had pulled off about 6 metal poles and created underwear mountain! My sister then left the shop swiftly and i had to go to the shop keeper with one of the metal poles to tell her it was broken! this is how the conversation between me and the shop assistant:

me: erm yes, hello well it seems your bra rack is broken (hands her the metal pole)

assistant: oh my gosh! ok i will see to it immediatly!

me: also i would like to purchase this bra

assistant: erm ok

( you know i think after seeing me buying underwear coincidentaly from the same place the big breakage happened, she kinda gathered it was us that broke it ...oh well)

love you The end2424... wait no im lying! ha!

Funny and kinda weird quotes me and my sister made over the years...

Spam...isn't that the chicken stuff you get in a can?

Ahhh the dog is raping my head!... is this even legal?!?

Hey, so my tech teacher was saying something about a fettish today... i thought that was a type of cheese.

Umm mum, i just got a text off nan saying she is stuck up a mountain in new zealand tring to escape a tsunami... i will tell her you say hi.

No willy boy! no more peni for you!

Hey what are you doing? picking my feet oh, ok.

Hey whats wrong you look terrified... i have just been mentally scarred by the powerpuff girls!

Ahh this bold man in tesco's just bought a 3 pack of shampoo!

Mine and my sisters insults and arguments that kind of backfired...

M: hey im eating chocolate!

S: your face is eating chocolate!

M: yes, yes it is.

S: hmm well that didnt work out as planned..well, can i have some?


M: ew that's ugly

S: Your face is ugly!

M: dude, your face looks like my face... HELLO we are sisters!

s: OH YEAH! i forgot.


M: go wash the dishes i did them last night!

S: bite me!


S: ouch! you just bit me!

Funny conversations between me and my sister...

so i was at work today (my sister works at the RSPCA) and this dog was humping my leg.

oh nice so what did you do?

I jabbed it with a coat hanger.

hmm, nice.

yeah but the owner didn't look to happy.


Hey how do so many Albino's get into England?

What are you talking about they were born here it's not a race it's a condition idiot!

oh really? i thought they came from albania.


umm, whats that?

a chicken.

yes i gathered it's a chicken, so why is it in your bedroom?!


umm why is the fish dead?

oh i accidentally bleached it.

so you left it in my bedroom!??!


eugh, what the hell is that?

i don't know... Lick it!


AAAH! what is that!

how the hell should i know it's in your room.

woah it's moving poke it with the jabbing stick! (you know that specific stick that everybody has to jab things with)

No you poke it!


Hey, shh can you hear that?


Theres a ghost in the house... and it's making cereal!?


My pig had to go to the slaughter house today.

aaaw i'm sor... wait what's that in your hand?



Hey whats that big cut on your arm?

The cockerel did it.

Did you call it a cock-head again?

...yes :(


Where is john? (my sisters friend)

locked in a cage in the corner...

Oh, ok so what have we got for lunch?



(talking to my sisters retard uh i mean friend..) whats the capital of china?

her answer was Matalan (but we all know it's tesco's!)

This is my mothers' motto: if it loud or broken then its Kayleigh (my sister). If its on fire or exploded it Melissa (me). If it smashed or shattered then its both of them. This just basically sums up my life... :D

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Under Their Skin: Akatsuki by Kita Kudai reviews
How to get 'under the skin' of the infamous Akatsuki! Twenty one easy steps.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 5,061 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 12/31/2010 - Published: 1/16/2009 - Akatsuki - Complete
Boarding Schools by shikamaru's fangirlxxx reviews
When Akatsuki high might have to close, the boys are not impressed at the prospect of being transferred to rival school Konoha High. Rated T for swearing. Contains lots of pairings eg. Kakuhida sasodei sasunaru shikatema Kisaita Kakairu Kankiba Peinkonan
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 37 - Words: 40,578 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 2/19/2010 - Published: 8/17/2009 - Hidan, Kakuzu
Cleaning House by Cattiechaos reviews
With nine men living under the same roof, cleaning was pretty much a lost cause.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,006 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/7/2010 - Hidan, Kakuzu - Complete
akatsukichat dot com by hallucinajenny reviews
Kakuzu is tired of his friends and is about to take drastic/lazy measures. But what is waiting for him when he signs on to akatsukichat? Rated M for yaoi, Hidan's mouth, and gore. Contains kakuhidan and other Akatsuki pairings.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,983 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 1/26/2010 - Published: 6/2/2009 - Hidan, Kakuzu - Complete
Matchmaking by Melby7777 reviews
Deidara is fed up with Hidan and Kakuzu fighting all the time, and has gotten an idea to end all the fights.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,602 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/28/2009 - Hidan, Kakuzu - Complete
Psychology for retards by LoneWolf KIA reviews
It finally happened! Following an unfortunate incident at a sushi bar, the Akatsuki are ordered into therapy! Never before have the 'minds' of the Akatsuki been so thoroughly probed! Reviews are much appreciated!
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,891 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/14/2009 - Akatsuki
What's Your Flavor? by Jaded Baby Blues reviews
The Akatsuki members discuss/argue about what kind of girls they like. Deidara wonders if the rest of them likes ogling at women as much as he does? And what kind of females can spark an interest in the eyes of the Uchiha? Rated for language. Crackfic.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,226 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/19/2008 - Hidan, Deidara - Complete
Salutation, Education by Novelist Pup reviews
AU: In which Sasori is the new Woodshop teacher with a bit of an attitude problem. And everyone wants a piece of him. :DeiSaso
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,824 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 377 - Follows: 35 - Published: 5/28/2008 - Deidara, Sasori - Complete
100 ways to piss off Jareth by IceCat Demon reviews
I got sucked up into the Underground... what do I do? WREAK HAVOC!
Labyrinth - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,163 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 5 - Updated: 3/26/2008 - Published: 3/21/2008 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Anything you say, Master reviews
Okay so Sebastian wants a well needed holiday, but the only way he can get one is by doing EVERYTHING his master says.
Kuroshitsuji - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 665 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/10/2012 - Sebastian M., Ciel P. - Complete
Whats that got to do with dissecting a frog? reviews
Sai takes a rather random liking to the red head sitting next to him and decides to do EVERYTHING in his power to make him love Sai back, even if it means carrying him home bridal syle in the rain. Poor gaara, all he wants is... not sai!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,347 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 1/10/2012 - Published: 1/31/2011 - Sai, Gaara
Kakuzu's revenge reviews
After 4 long years of Hidan...well being Hidan really, Kakuzu finally decided to get his own back. "My turn." he thought as the humurous revenge stirred in his mind.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,286 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 19 - Published: 10/17/2010 - Hidan, Kakuzu - Complete
Aliens! Gayers! It's sleepover time! reviews
Lee's having a sleepover, Gaara, Sasuke and Naruto are invited. Somewhere along the line Kakashi and Gai turn up and crash the party... quite literally. and no it's not a gaara lee pairing!...no matter how much i want it to be!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,410 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 6/5/2010 - Published: 3/24/2010 - Lee R., Gaara
What not to do to the Akatsuki reviews
50 things not to do if you value your life.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 874 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/24/2010 - Akatsuki - Complete