Author has written 9 stories for NCIS, and Law and Order: SVU.
Trying to maintain some type of life outside the Internet. Dr. Pepper is my best friend. Support my friends 100% in what they do. I love them all. My cat is awesome, except when she decides to attack me . . . Rocky Road ice cream. Cookie dough.
Writing is awesome.
Troll of the Year Award goes to . . . Andrew Marlowe. Congratulations, fine sir.
Runners-Up . . . Gary Glasburg and Warren Leight.
NCIS, Law and Order:SVU, Castle, Bones. That's where it's at.
Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
Yell out what is going to happen.
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.
Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
Try to start a wave.
Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.
Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
Sing with the theme music.
Bring and use your own air freshener.
At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"
Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
When someone walks by you in the aisle scream, "Ahhhhhh! Bad Touch!"
Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.
Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
During a love scene, stand up and run to the screen shouting "Hooters!"
Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.
Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"
Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"
Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer’s name is going to be said.
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
Pass by a room that’s showing a movie you’ve already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.
Have you become a conspiracy theorist since you started watching? ... the CIA are watching you. NO! Don't turn around! they'll know that you know that they are watching you!
It's Amazing how your best friend
now becomes your worst enemy.
Lollipops turn into cigarettes.
When the worst things
War was only a card game.
Cheating only happened in games.
And goodbyes only meant until
A hickey was just a funny little word
You were only supposed to die from old age
Texting Never costed you your life
Swearing was only for adults
'Doing' something was never a gross term
Love was only from the people you care about
Suicide wasn't your thing
Cocaine used to be a pixie stick
Remember When the only older men you hung out with were related to you
When 22-year-old strangers never called you 'babe'
A pole was only for tetherball
Kidnapping only meant a kid was sleeping
O.J. was orange juice, not a killer
Video Games were the only violence you saw
When your bed wasn't meant for sharing
Hobos were just spiders
Hate only came from people you knew
You only got Mono from sharing lip gloss
16 year-olds knew better
Parents only gave you spankens
Your friends used to be nice to you
Crushing meant you liked someone
AIDS only exsisted in Africa
The only gun you used squirted water
Dancing was never dirty
Knifes were to cut steak
French Kissing was only in France
Boys only worried about sucking in sports
You knew that everytime you watched 'The Secret Life of the American Teenager' you would never do what Amy did
The scariest thing about Boys was rejection.
20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot
19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity…
Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
-Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dyslexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
"Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you."
"If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words."
"All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." ~ Walt Disney
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
. . . Furbies
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
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