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Author has written 27 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Powerpuff Girls, Sky High, Teen Titans, Batman the Animated Series, Outsiders, Naruto, Princess Diaries, Hetalia - Axis Powers, Harry Potter, Homestuck, Animal Crossing, X-overs, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, Beelzebub/べるぜバブ, Ouran High School Host Club, Danny Phantom, and Dangan Ronpa Kibou no Gakuen to Zetsubou no Koukousei.
Favorite animal: POLAR BEAR!
Favorite food: Cheese toast. It's toast. And Cheese. Together.
My name is Lila, and I have a tendency to fandom jump wildly. My account is full of half-finished ideas and terrible old stories I can't bring myself to delete.
Funny things I heard at school
Student: Hope likes Djibooti.
"There's such thing as actual penguins?" - anonymous student
"Whole grain, gluten free, vegan, healthy crackers."
List of awesome sayings
Eek eek ahh ahh- The magic purple monkey of hope and wonder
With great power comes great need to take a nap - Nico Di Angelo
Ever notice how earwax looks like peanut butter? - Chowder
Rada rad ra rada! - Schnitzel
I'm a goofy goober, ROCK!! - Spongebob Squarepants
I do believe you've splashed Sulfuric acid on the Chippendale table. Personally, I prefer to use Lemon Pledge. Ah, well, what's a priceless antique in the pursuit of science? -Alfred
Well, everyone knows dancing is evil! Perry the Platypus, what are you doing? Stop with the conga line. We're doing the Macarena. -Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz
Sure I ate a lot of genetically modified hormone rich beef but I totally drank diet soda to balance it out!- Alfred F. Jones
Men should be like Kleenex; soft, strong and disposable. - Mrs. White, (Clue 1985)
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
A story that I found
While on a family outing at the lake, the husband returned to the camp site
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area, Ma'am," the game warden informed her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," the
The game warden scratched his head. "But I haven't touched you."
"That's true, but you have all the equipment, and for all I know
The game warden spit in the water, started his boat's motor, and
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
The Joker- BTAS
"In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out."
"Ladies and Gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, "Not very well". Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!"
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too."
"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"
"You can't kill me without becoming like me! I can't kill you without losing the only human being who can keep up with me! Isn't it IRONIC?"
"Don't touch me old man! ...I don't know where you've been."
"I may be crazy enough to take on Batman, but the IRS? Nooooo thank you!"
"You're going to melt just like a grilled cheese sandwhich!"
"Run run as fast as you can you'll not catch me I'm the Joker man."
"Dont get cute with me red he's ripping me off I'll protest yeah I'll sue then I'll rip his lungs out and I will too."
"I'd say ladies first, but since we don't have any, (chuckles) we'll start with you, Pam."
"Yeesh, Pengers! How corny can you get?"
"You're right Harley. Fish are disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a happy meal!"
"I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go!"
"Up, up, and away!"
"Aw, too bad, Bat-sap. But you should have remembered the old saying: Dying is easy, comedy is hard."
"Oh, I think I'm getting airsick."
"May the floss be with you!"
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Agateophobia- Fear of insanity. (Not me, dude.)
Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic. (Vampires??)
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Bibliophobia- Fear of books.
Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.
Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors.
Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch.
Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.
Ergophobia- Fear of work.
Gerontophobia- Fear of old people.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.
Nomatophobia- Fear of names.
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.
HOLY BOOK OF LOG EXCERPTS:
Honorary Member of The Book of Log.
If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments
Position: Log Worshiper
Possible Book of Log Positions:
Log Worshiper: Beginning position. No requirements
Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story
Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log
OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews
OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.
Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still reccommended.
Log excerpt number 231: if konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months.
Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:
For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.
For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five saplings.
For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten saplings.
For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling per square inch of detached log.
For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant twenty-five saplings.
'and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy.
and the ninja spoke: yea, thee and thine kin shall forever be blessed among me and mine kin. for thine bravery will never be forgotten.'
-book of the log, song of the willow, verses 1-4
'as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.'
-book of the log, chronicle of the replacement verse 3
'you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads.
you have been denied the log for a long time, sandwalker. we cannot force you to see the glory of the log, but know this. when the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the log will hear your prayers, and aid you.'
-book of the log, redwood journals verses 15-16
'and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend.'
-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle I, verses 78-82
'he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none.
-book of the log, wanderers saga, verses 7-9
'the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content.'
-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle II, verses 59-70
Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log.
For the log is with thee, my friend. The most holy of the forest, shall save thee. Shall be thy salvation! And yet, the log asks for nothing in return.
"Respect the sacrifice of the log that you may continue your life! You have been spared for another chance! Nurture the Life Giving Living Sap that flows within the depths of the LOG! For the log has saved countless and will save countless more!"
(Contributed by Margulide)
The log is my savior; I shall not char.
It burneth in my stead: it protecteth me from the flames.
It confoundeth mine enemies: it covereth mine escape.
Yea though I walk through the compounds of Uchiha, I will fear no katon; for thou art with me, thy bark and thy sap they shieldeth me.
Thou provideth me with shielding from the kunai of my enemies: from their shuriken and their wrath; my gratitude is never ending.
Surely splinters and termites shall folllow me all my ninja life, but I shall remain devoted to The Log forever!
(Contributed by Reader-Of-Many)
- Log Oath #23
"As the two titans clashed, the world stood at stand still. The black flame of the heretic Uchiha Madara blazing fiercely against the holy life-giving power of the Log Pope Senju Hashirama. As the ebony flame threatens to vanquish the divination of the Holy Log, it all came to naught as the Shodai Hokage drew all of his power to quench the abomination, thus ending the terror which threatened the continuity of the blessing from the holy sap."
(Contributed by Kaori)
"For as much as it hath pleased The Log of its great mercy to take unto itself the soul of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, branches to branches, trunk to trunk; in sure and certain hope of the return to eternal life, through our savior the Log, who shall change our vile body, that it may be like unto its glorious body, according to the mighty working, whereby it is able to subdue all things to itself. “
"As the seventh moon cycle passed, the Holy Log Pope begged for help from the gods, and his please was justly answered. Bathed in light, Hashirama Senju took up the powers of the log, and as the light left him, he saith, "Let there be logs."'
(Contributed by Desphere)
Birth of Konoha, verse 5
(Contributed by Djinn Crimsora)
“And lo, did the true friend of the Log gaze upon the land with a heavy heart. For there was nothing but death and devastation as far as the eye could see, and the blighted sand did not accept the blessing of the Log. No root, nor bark, nor sign of growth could combat the taint that filled the air.
But do not despair, true believers of the one true friend. For upon that wasteland the greatest ally of the Log did speak of hope. “There shall come a day that one of our flock will rise with the times, and bring the true word back to this land. He will know of our path and show it to others so that they may show it to others. Upon that time, this cursed land shall bloom in friendship and harmony.”
So we wait and plan for the day of enlightenment, upon which the truth will spread and shelter us in its all encompassing shade.”
Book of the Oak, A collection of musings of the Log Sage Kin upon the borders of Wind Country
(Contributed by AnothVortex)
The Holy Log and I
A beginners guide for the ways of the Log
This guide is for the beginning Log acolyte with a small amount of commandments and and tips to start with your training in to the ways of the Log
From the Book of the Holy Log these commandments were given to the very first Log Pope - a ninja called Woody - by the Great Tree of Life which still stands to the day in Rogugakure (Village Hidden in the Log), the epicenter of all Log believers.
1 Thou shalt never hurt a Log purposely.
2 Thou shalt take care of the Log and the Log shalt take care of thee.
3 Every 365 Moon Cycles thou shalt make a crusade to the Great Tree and make an offering so the Log will prosper.
4 When thou commits heresy thou will be transformed to a disgraced Log and will burn Eternally in the unholy fires of Hell.
5 When thou has died and lived the ways of the Log dutifully thou shalt take place in the afterlife in the Forest of Life.
These are the Primary Commandments and you must obey them always. When your training progresses you shall learn more of them.
Nevertheless here are tips to live by the Log:
1) Always use Rice Paper. Using Log Paper is frowned upon.
2) At least pray thrice a day to the Great Tree.
3) Try, with thy utmost effort, to spread the Holy Teachings of Log.
4) When evil is committed to an Log commit justice to the heretic. ( Keep in mind that 95% of the world are disbelievers and that these rules are not used in the government system so act discretely.)
5) When you make an offering to the Great Tree always be respectful , even if the Great Tree does not answer.
6) Thy will find a companion in a Log with which thee should go everywhere, and it shalt become thy travelers Log.
7) Where Holy life sap is spilled plant a seed there so a tree may prosper there.
8) When writing the apology to the Log who saved your life name at least 5 reasons why you could not act otherwise.
9) When a log Priest or Pope is nearby greet him and the Log he carries.
10) If you follow the ways dutifully the Log Pope may grant you with some life sap of the Greet Tree itself! Drink it and may you be closer to the Tree and the Log.
11) When one of the messengers of the Tree itself is nearby bow for him for the Great Log Sage will only grace the holiest of worshipers with his advice, whether through messenger or not.
12) Embrace the Squirrel Summons as your companions if they grace you with their presence
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE:
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
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