Ali Ranger51
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Poll: Should I have the kids from Alex's class go to the SAS in "Last Spy Standing"? Vote Now!
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Joined 03-30-10, id: 2308553, Profile Updated: 09-06-12
Author has written 7 stories for Alex Rider, and Ranger's Apprentice.

Hey everybody!

After a long absence, I'm back! Hopefully I'll be able to get back into the swing of things soon.

I will be updating The Black Castle on Mondays, with an alternate version each Monday. So, one week I update the normal one, and the next week I update the dark one, and the week after that I will update the normal one again, etc.

There are two versions of my The Black Castle story, the normal one and the dark one. The normal one is mostly in character and style with the RA books while the dark version contaions torture, dark thoughts and some out-of-character-ness. If you are confused about this, please send me a PM and I will try and un-confuse you.

My story Last Spy Standing has not been abandoned, I just need to actually plan out what is going to happen and get off my bum and actually write it.

I have a new story I have fully planned that I have started writing and uploading soon. It is called Will Lightfingers and is based (rather losely I'm afraid) on story idea number two from NoWordsDiscribeMe's Ranger's Apprentice story ideas.

I have some other stories floating around in my head for Harry Potter, and an Alex Rider and Ranger's Apprentice crossover, but I won't write any of them until I have done a lot of work with all my other fics. And if I do upload them sooner, they will probably only have sporadic updates. Sometime I will edit Coffee, the true price of addiction to add more detail and fix the spelling mistakes.

Basically, the thing that you should know about me as an authour is that you should expect updates when you least expect them. I'm unpredictable, and my muse jumps around randomly, causing chaos in my writing. I'm always writing something, just perhaps not what I plan...

I now have an account at AFF under the same name where I will post MA stories, and a Facebook account under the name Alison Rose where, if you're interested you can see how my writing is going, and little extra bits and pieces I might decide to stick up there. Feel free to add me!

My Facebook: www.facebook.com/alison.rose.1656

My Adult Fan Fiction: members.adultfanfiction.net/profile.php?no=1296920538


I love Ranger's Apprentice, Eragon, Harry Potter, CSI (NY, Miami and original), SVU and House. And many, many more. Honestly it would take up pages if I just listed them all here. (I'm a huge bookworm and forensic tv show nerd...)

I am proud to say that Fanfic has taught me more about what makes a good story, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure than 4 years of high school smart class english ever could. I am now a proud beta, (but unavalible due to RL issues at the moment) and still learning new things all the time.

I'm 18 years old, and have graduated High School with rather good marks, which will garantee me a place in University next year. Currently I'm on a school exchange for 9 months in Japan, somewhere I've always wanted to go. I plan to spend the year pre-studying for my course at University, as Medicine is very competitive, and writing. I hope to be able to not only write a ton of fanfiction, but write my own original novel too.

Survey Updated: 6/3

Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say?
"Aren't those pictures distracting?" Talking to my host sister about the playstation game she's playing like tetris, which has strange pictures of cartoon people wrestling behing the pieces...

Where are you?
The lounge, loving the heated floor as it's like -8 degrees celcius outside. and snowing

Look up, now look back. What did you see?
Snow. Lots of snow. It's covering everything. I don't get snow where I normally live in New Zealand. It's still new and amazing.

What's the last thing you ate?
An iceblock. It was mint and had chocolate chips in it. Yes, I'm slightly crazy.

What's your personality like?
A bit shy at the moment, as I can't speak japanese yet, and I don't really want to talk to people in case I make a fool of myself.

Who do you have a crush on?
No one! I'm completly free from the dramas of teenage dating!

What was the last thing you thought?
Hahahaha. (while reading my last post for above) I forgot that my ex-boyfriend was wearing drag at that Gay confrence.

You have a million dollars. What do you do?
Buy a super fast computer with a super fntastic writing program and super speedy internet access! Then buy online all the books I have ever wanted and lock myself into my room and NEVER COME OUT! Also buy a new notebook so that I can write down all my fanfiction ideas!

What are you eating/drinking RIGHT NOW?
Nothing. I have finished my iceblock, and chewing the stick isn't really good..

What are you thinking RIGHT NOW?
I'm hungry! Onaka suika!

What's it like being you?
Fantastic. I'm laughing at all my friend who went on to Uni, while I'm in Japan and get to write Fanfic and go to primary schools and play with little kids in the guise of teaching them english.

What are your thoughts on writing?
Love it! My spelling and grammar is getting way better! It just takes ages to get what you want to say on paper.

How tall are you?
I don't know. I wish I was shorter though, because then I could be more like Will!

What book are you currently reading?
A japanese Bleach manga. I can't understand it, and I'm translating every word in my dictionary, but it has pictures and I WILL be able to read manga by the tme I leave Japan.

What music are you listening to?
None... But I am listening to a wrestling game thing that my host sister is playing on the PS2 next to me. It's shouting in japanese, and I can't understand it.

What was the last website you visited before fan fiction?
Facebook. And before that hotmail.

What was the last thing you cooked?
I can't remember. My host mum cooks all my meals for me here.

What color are the walls of the room you are in?
Wooden slats. They're brown and stained, and actually look really good. So much cooler than paint.

Do you know who the governor of your state is?
No clue. Does Japan even have states?

How many different programs are open on your computer right now?
Microsoft Word, with the chapter I'm currently writing for the Black Castle, dark version, and internet explorer. You know, the importsnt things.

Have you ever been water-skiing?
No. Been sea bisciting though. It was really fun and I got brused really bad when I fell out. Don't ride an upside down sea biscut. Not smart. (It's fun while it lasts thought...) I'm going skiing tomorrow though.

What is the weather like?
Cold. I hate the cold. And it's snowing, but I love stomping around in the snow. What a dilemma.

Are you going an vacation this summer and where?
Technically, my entire year is a vacation to Japan. Yay!

Anything else?
Not really, but I'm glad to be back and active posting on the site.

This is How you KNOW you're obsessed with Ranger's Apprentice.

1. You can qoute almost all of the dialogue and you do so regulary. If someone from Ranger's Apprentice hasn't said it, it's obviously not worth saying.

2. You can hear Wills' voice in your head.

3. You just KNOW Halt's also in your head, telling Wills' voice to shut up.

4. You've memorized "Greybeard Halt" and sing/hum it all the time.

5. You brought a bow and arrow set and cried because you can't hit anything.

6. You actually dream about Ranger's Apprentice.

7. You're reading this right now.

8. You have a cloak and sneak around in it, trying to scare people like you're a ranger.

9. Your life goal is to become a ranger.

10. You read Ranger's Apprentice and now you think being short is SO COOL!!

11. You write fanfiction for Ranger's Apprentice.

12. You think it would be awesome to be Wills' apprentice.

13. Now you're sad because you aren't.

14. But you imagine yourself as his apprentice.

15. Now you're grinning like a moron.

16. The front left side of your brain is constantly saying, "Rangers Rangers RANGERS! MUST! READ! RANGER'S! APPRENTICE!!"

17. You'd LURVE to meet John Flanagan.

18. You happen to know that there's a contest to do so.

19. You're now jumping up and down, fangirl shrieking about meeting Flanagan.

20. You're going to enter the contest.

21. You're sad because the contest isn't being run for poeple in your country and you can't move to Australia before the competition closes.

22. You want to kill me for telling you about a contest you can't win.

23. You call John Flanagan "Flanny" sometimes.

24. You'd rather read Ranger's Apprentice than eat.

25. You'd rather read Ranger's Apprentice than breathe.

26. You always want to read Ranger's Apprentice.

27. You want there to be a Ranger's Apprentice comic book.

28. You'd actually tackle glomp someone if they had a Ranger's Apprentice comic book.

29. You'd cry with joy if you got to have a Ranger's Apprentice comic book.

30. You'd cry in despair if the comic book got damaged in any way.

31. You just KNOW that the Ranger's Apprentice books radiate power.

32. You accidently called your brother "Will" before.

33. You have a cat or dog named "Tug", "Abelard", "Shadow", or "Ebony".

34. You want to warp yourself into the Ranger's Apprentice world so you can replace Alyss.

35. You're smiling and nodding while you read this.

36. You CANNOT WAIT ANOTHER SECOND for the Ranger's Apprentice movie.

37. You want to see the Ranger's Apprentice movie in the theater the absoute seccond that it is released. Hello premiere...

38. You're going to spend the whole movie going fangirl and wearing your best ranger cloak.

39. You're going to have a hard time not fangirl squealing during the film.

40. You're going to have a super hard time sneaking your two knives into the movie theatre.

41. One of the reasons that you can't wait to see the film is so you can go fangirl and scream at your friends about how cute Will is.

42. You have been baned from travelling on aeroplanes because you refused to give up your bow and arrows/knives.

43. Your parents want you to shut up about Ranger's Apprentice already.

44. They really really want you to.

45. Now you're going to post this list in your profile with everything you've actually done or thought in bold letters.

46. You just hit copy.

47. Don't lie, you know you did.

48. You're thinking about Ranger's Apprentice again.

49. You even know the names of the background characters and have done all the internet quizzes to prove it.

50. Now you're sad because there are SO many other things that can prove you're obsessed with Ranger's Apprentice.

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love,
Your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home...

Favorite characters from random books, tv shows, movies, ect. in no particular order

1. Gibbs (NCIS)

2. Wolf (Alex Rider)

3. Catherine (CSI)

4. Abby (NCIS)

5. Stella (CSI:NY)

6. Alex (Alex Rider)

7. Fox (Alex Rider)

8. Beka (Beka Cooper)

9. Harry (Harry Potter)

10. Halt (Rangers Apprentice)

11. House (House MD)

12. Will (Rangers Apprentice)

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? (Six-Alex, Eleven-House)

Yeah there is only one (atm) but it is really good! i recomend that you read it but i can't remember the name. Not SLASH, just a crossover. Just in case you were confused.

2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot? (Four-Abby)

OMG Yes!!! i'm Bisexual and Abby is like my secret gay TV crush. LOL. i could never, ever dress that well!!

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? (Twelve-Will, Eight-Beka)

One of the most kick ass kids ever! After Halt killed Will of course.

4. Do you recall any fics about Nine? (Nine-harry)

Oh, I don't know, there might be a few, somewhere around the half a million mark...

5. Would Two and Six make a good couple? (Two-Wolf, Six-Alex)

LOLOLOLOLOL. Well if you believe some of the slash out there... Some of it is really good!!

6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? (Five-Stella, Nine-Harry, Ten-Halt)

Oh wow a hard one. Stella and Harry might be interesting. It's inspiring actually. I can NOT put Halt and Stella together though! Poor Pauline! Although Stella and Halt would make one kick ass couple...

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve in an awkward situation? (Seven-Fox, Two-Wolf, Twelve-Will)

0.0 ... 0.0 ... My brain has just malfunctioned... Will and Wolf!!!!!!!! What awkward situation? I'm thinking slash but that just is so WRONG! Hmmm, what awkward situation can they have? Wolf dissarmed and Will holding his saxe to his throat... that would be awkward to walk into. Then Will would have to threaten/kill Fox too... Nooooo!!!!

8. Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic. (Three-Catherine, Ten-Halt)

Catherine thought that this was just an ordinary crime scene. But then she watched a green cloaked man step out of thin air and turn the case upside down. Will the team catch the murder before he can strike again of will this be Catherine's last case? (OMG i am so getting attacked by the plot bunnies atm!)

9. Is there such a thing as One/Eight fluff? (One-Gibbs, Eight-Beka)

Fluff, I dont think so... They would certainly make an awesome crime solving duo though. Imagine what Gibbs could do with someone on his team that can talk to the dead!

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic. (Seven-Fox, Twelve-Will)

(I suck at titles...) _ (let's all just pretend that that line was the most awesomest title that you have ever read, ok?)

11. What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to go out with One? (Four-Abby, One-Gibbs)

Deprive Abby of Caff-Pow! and have Gibbs take her through the withdrawal. (I know, very 'House' but hey, what works, works!)

12. Does anyone on your Friends List read Three slash? (Three-Catherine)

Nope... (Note to self, look up Catherine Fem-slash.)

13. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? (Eleven-House)

Nope... :'(

14. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five? (Two-Wolf ,Four-Abby, Five-Stella)

OMG what a super awasome randomness combo of characters! A fic with even two of the above would be epic but if I was to write on with all three... *brain starts to smoke and emits a smell that is eerily similar to burnt sausages* OMG!

15. What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion? (Ten-Halt)

Me and my friend both agree on this. COFFEE! (I just finished a coffee fic about Will, Halt and Gilan and I am about to drink a steaming great cup of coffee!)

16. If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose? (Eight-Beka)

Hunts frantically for her iPod* Jeez I know that there would definately be a good one but I cant think of one off the top of my head... :(

17. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be? (One-Gibbs, Six-Alex, Twelve-Will)

Warning: Extreme Epicness with characters that totally kick ass and that could take over the world if they were ever set loose.

18. What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? (Ten-Halt, Two-Wolf)

Ashley (she's reading this over my shoulder) thinks: "Hey, I like my men strong, just like my coffee."
I think: ... *brain overloads trying to think up a line more epic than the one above*...

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off. (Who are Abercombie and Fitch? Serious. I live in New Zealand, so I don't know.)

If you have ever gotten so sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember what you were talking about in the first place, copy this onto your profile. (I do this a lot. I tell people my mind tends to jump as one moment I can be talking about Harry Potter and the next about cheese. It's the whole 3 degrees of seperation thing)

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever been forced to sit through a movie so old that King Arthur himself probably wrote the script, copy this.

If you get upset often because you can't become a knight, copy this to your profile. (Wish I was a Ranger... :(...)

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. (Glass door. Left a face imprint)

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can smell trouble a mile away, and still walk straight into it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (But you wouldn't know if I died would you? HAHAHAHA, I could be lying!)

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile. (WOW. Someone else actually does this. I am not alone!!)

If you trip over flat surfaces copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. (Blunt, Alan Blunt.)

If you have a wide range variety of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. (Karate, Reading and Piano)

If you call book characters "Cute" even though you've never actually seen them, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever cried because one of your charecters dies, copy this. (Cried for an hour in 'Halts Peril' before I got up the courage to turn the page and read something about a log. I was furious. Anyone who has read Ranger's Apprentice will understand.)

If you come up with stories faster than you can write them...crud...I just came up with another one.

If you talk to your book charcters copy this. (I mean honestly! They just have to open the door/run into the creapy forest/trust the evil guy, don't they?!)

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Oh, I'm sorry, it's just, there was a bug on your face and I just HAD to squish it!)

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you should be doing homework right now, copy and paste this into your profile. (It's a stats assesment.)

If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Always pick C.)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. (My worst is 'How do you spell THEY??')

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. (That's where all my stories live and mutate. Muwahahaha)

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile.

If you ran up a down escalator copy this into your profile (Did this at a McDonalds... A guy turned it off as I was half way down.)

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups..

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions? :)

Copy this and paste it on your profile if you think sarcasm is a conditioned reflex.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. (Forget the voices. I see the full motion picture!!)

95 of people would panic if the Jonas brothers stood on the roof of a 3 story building and said they were about to jump. If you are one of the 5 who whould get all of your friends, some popcorn, and a soda and scream "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!" copy this.

If you have ever wished you could talk to animals, paste this into your profile. (Like Daine!)

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever stared at something while you're walking and then walked headfirst into a pillar copy this into your profile (I did this once while looking at a sign. I walked directly into the sign. Forgot to duck... it was an H sign. My friend said it was H for "Hit Head Here")

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought your paper would protect you, you buttmuncher."

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when your crush rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to bury the body of the person that made you cry.

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Can't catch me!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Lose your stuff and tell you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Will keep a secret when you tell them one.
BEST FRIENDS: Will tell you a funny secret back to make you laugh.

FRIENDS: Stick around at a party until the cops show.
BEST FRIENDS: Stay with you when you get arrested for drinking the spiked punch and claim to be drunk too, even when they weren't.

FRIENDS: Say bye, when you move and forget you ever existed.
BEST FRIENDS: Stay in touch and even fly over to see you and mooch off your food, just like old times.

FRIENDS: Know when to leave you alone, and do.
BEST FRIENDS: Know when to leave you alone, but don't anyway.

FRIENDS: Are gone after graduation.
BEST FRIENDS: Turn up at your wedding.

FRIENDS: Know where your limits are.
BEST FRIENDS: Know where your limits are and try to get you to break them.

FRIENDS: Help you out in a rough situation.
BEST FRIENDS: Get themselves into a rougher one to try to get you out of yours.

FRIENDS: Defend you in a verbal fight.
BEST FRIENDS: Throw the first punch for you.

FRIENDS: Comfort you after a break up and tell you he's not worth the fight.
BEST FRIENDS: Will skip beside you singing "Someone's gonna get it" with a baseball bat.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this!

Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why don't we ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why dosen't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

If a person with multiple personalities theatens suicide, is that consisdered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed would milk come out of her nose?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why people appear bright until you hear them speak?

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

75% of people who read that tried to lick their elbow, and you are now smiling because that's exactly what you did.

Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

Things you are NOT allowed to do in Ranger's Apprentice, and what will happen to you if you do.(Blue Glass Rose came up with this, I just copied it and added a few of my own. Copied this from Alyss mainwaring. I'm glad to know that someone is obsessed with RA as me!)

1. You are NOT allowed to sing "Greybeard Halt". Halt will make you spend the night in a tree. A PINE tree O.O

2. You are NOT allowed to answer a question with another question. Halt will glare at you and make you feel stupid.

3. You are NOT allowed to say "But I thought..." Halt will say "you're and apprentice. You're not supposed to think" or "If you thought about it, you wouldn't ask"

4. You are NOT allowed to give Tug more than one apple a day. Halt will say "One is quite enough." Tug however, will tend to dissagree.

5. You are NOT allowed to question Halt's skills for ANY reason. Odds are he'll kill you. Painfully.

6. You are NOT allowed to tell anyone that Halt's not really grim all the time. He'll knock you into next week and then kill you.

7. You are NOT allowed to sing "We're off to see the wizard" on your way to visit Malcolm. He'll turn you into a lizard.

8. You are NOT allowed to send your Christmas wishlist to Erak. He'll brain you with a battleaxe. After stealing everything on the list.

9. You are NOT allowed to sing "Santa's comin' to town" when you see Erak coming. He'll brain you with a battleaxe.

10. You are NOT allowed to ask why, exactly, Keren's name is Keren. He'll hypnotize you.

11. You are NOT allowed to sing "Dude looks like a lady" when you see Keren. He'll throw a blue rock at you.

12. You are NOT allowed to hum the James Bond theme while tracking things with Halt. He'll shoot you with an arrow.

13. You are NOT allowed to hum alien music as you near Healers Clearing. Malcolm will kill you.

14. You are NOT allowed to use the "Green Giant" jingle when you see Trobar. He'll steal your puppy.

15. You are NOT allowed to to talk about your wonderful recipe for clam chowder in Skandia. You'll be brained.

16. You are NOT allowed to iceskate on the pond in Skandia. You'll be assigned to the paddles (But hey, at least you'll get to stare at Will)

17. You are NOT allowed to kill Alyss and Evanlyn when they stare at Will with you. Will will NOT marry you (Shame...)

18. You are NOT allowed to sing the munchkin theme song around Will. He'll shoot you.

19. You are NOT allowed to call Halt "Lucky the Leprichon" he'll kill you.

20. You are NOT allowed to ask Will about Crocodiles. He'll think you've gone mad.

21. You are NOT allowed to ask Halt to do an impersonation of Demo Man. He'll shoot you.

22. You are NOT allowed to switch Halt's coffee to decaf. You will die a slow painful death.

23. You are NOT allowed to oil the hinges on the door of Halt's cabin. He'll kill you if the intruders don't.

24. You are NOT allowed to threaten Will. Horace will challenge you to single combat and stick you with his dagger.

25. You are NOT allowed to ride Tug. He will throw you off and Will will shoot you for trying to steal his horse.

26. You are NOT allowed to write out the key to the Couriers Code. Crowley will rant and shoot you so full of arrows you will be remembered in death as 'The Porcupine'.

27. You are NOT allowed to fight a mad axeman with only your two knives. Gilan will throw you off a cliff so that he doesn't have clean up the mess.

A Mother's Teachings

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado hit it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Favourite Quotes... (in progress because I have so many)

"Sugar cubes are the key to hyperactivity."

"My name is Very Fucking Confused! What's your name?" -Adam ("Saw")

Jeff: "So you and your wife got in another argument this morning?"
Walter: "Yeah."
Jeff: "What was it about?"
Walter: "Oh, I dunno. She rolled out of bed, jumped on her menstrual cycle and ran my ass over."
Jeff: "I've never heard it put quite that way before."
Walter: "Oh, it even has a sound. It goes nag-nag-nag-nag-nag-nag BI-I-I-I-I-TCH bitch BI-I-I-I-I-TCH bitch BI-I-I-I-I-TCH..."

"Don't knock on Evil's door. Ring the doorbell then run like hell. He hates that." (Borrowed from the profile of Alyss mainwaring. I couldn't help it. Was so funny!)

Rangers apprentice:

Sir Norris: How do you think you can stop them attacking just by talking to them?
Will: I thought I would ask them not to, and then I was going to ask them to dinner.

Will:
Old Joe smoke's a friend of mine. He lives on bakers hill
Old Joe smoke never took a bath and they say he never will.
Fare thee well Old Joe Smoke
Fare thee well i Iay
fare thee well old joe smoke
I'll see you on your way

Old Joe smoke he lost a bet. He lost his winter coat.
When winter comes old Joe stays warm by sleeping 'mongst the goats.
Fare thee well Old Joe Smoke
Fare thee well I say
fare thee well old joe smoke
I'll see you on your way

Greybeard Halt is a fighting man. I've heard common talk
That greybeard Halt he cuts his hair with a carving knife and fork
fare thee well greybeard Halt
fare thee well I say
Fare thee well greybeard Halt
tomorrow's another day

Greybeard Halt he lives with the goats, thats what I've heard tell
He hasn't changed his socks for years but the goats don't mind the smell
fare thee well greybeard Halt
fare thee well I say
Fare thee well greybeard Halt
tomorrow's another day

Halt: (While the Scotti are planning to invade) There's already one ranger at Macindaw, for anything short of a full scale invasion, one is usually enough.

Will: that doesn't prove anything! she heard the whistle, thats all! you could have called out... Bread and Butter Pudding and she would have stopped!
Horace: Bread and Butter Pudding? Thats your segestion for a name is it? And you have the nerve to critisise blackie?
Will: (to the dog) Traitor.
Horace: Well thats a slight improvement on Bread and Butter Pudding isn't it Blackie?

Halt: (After Erak breaks a branch and gives away their position) I thought I told you to watch where you put your feet?
Erak: I did, but while I was busy watching the ground, I hit that branch with my head. Broke it clean in two.
Halt: (with eyebrows raised) I assume you're not talking about your head?
Erak: Of course not.
Halt: More's the pity.

House:

House: No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate.

House: (looking angry) What the hell are those?
Cameron: Candy canes.
House: Candy canes? Are you mocking me?
Cameron: (all wide-eyed and scared) No. I just... Its Christmas... and I thought...
House: Relax. Its a joke.

Wilson: (over a microphone with deep, gruff voice) House, this is God.
House: (Inside the MRI chamber) Look, I'm a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk during these things. Got time Thursday?
Wilson: Let me check. Oh, I got a plague! How about Friday?
House: You'll have to check with Cameron.
Wilson: Oh, damn it! She always wants to know why bad things happen. Like I'm gonna come up with a new answer this time.
Cuddy: (enters MRI room) House!
House: Quick, God! Smite the evil witch!
(Cuddy scolds House for hiding information)
House: (when Wilson remains quiet) God, why have you forsaken me?

Cameron: You really didn't know?
House: No, I didn't. And frankly, I'm angry! Which I'm guessing is the best response, but frankly I'll know better once you tell me what you're talking about
Cameron: Your birthday.
House: Oh... angry was a bad guess... Well, normally I'd put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the earth has circled the sun one more time. I really didn't think it was going to make it this year, but darn it, if it isn't the planet-that-could all over again!

Chase: How would you feel if I interfered with your personal life?
House: I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life.

Cameron: (out of the blue) He's black!
House: What?
Cameron: Foreman's black!
House: Really? (pretends to be shocked) How long have you been withholding that information?

House: He did, however get hit by a bullet. Just mentioning...
Cameron: He was shot?!
House: (rolling his eyes) No – somebody threw it at him.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Ask No Questions by Lil Lupin reviews
After Jack decides she's had enough, Alex is forced to live under the same roof as Wolf - fantastic. But what he discovers is a K unit that's falling apart. Can he pull the team back together? Or is what they've been through too much for even Alex to fix? AU, post-Snakehead.
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 17 - Words: 105,606 - Reviews: 855 - Favs: 703 - Follows: 969 - Updated: 4/13 - Published: 9/30/2009 - Alex R./Cub, Ben D./Fox, Wolf
Digging for the Bones by paganaidd reviews
Because of a student death, new measures are being taken to screen students for abuse. With Dumbledore facing an enquiry, Snape is in charge of making sure every student receives an examination. Abused!Harry. Character death. Sevitis. In answer to the "New Measures for Screening Abuse" challenge at Potions and Snitches. Yes, it is a "Snape is Harry's biological father" story.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Drama - Chapters: 59 - Words: 200,221 - Reviews: 5036 - Favs: 4,598 - Follows: 6,559 - Updated: 10/27/2013 - Published: 2/27/2011 - Harry P., Severus S.
Khaveyrim by In Defilade reviews
Spin-off AU of Per Ardua Ad Astra. Harry lost his magic and became an elite soldier. Ziva lost her sister and became a spy. Theirs is an unlikely bond, a friendship forged in fire, blood and loss that endures despite divergent commitments to duty, country or agency. First friends, who became comrades, then something more - something deeper. They are, and always will be 'khaveyrim'.
Crossover - Harry Potter & NCIS - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 88,195 - Reviews: 408 - Favs: 899 - Follows: 1,039 - Updated: 9/29/2013 - Published: 5/13/2013 - [Harry P., Ziva D.]
Hell is Other People by amitai reviews
After a series of attacks, Alex's entire class is sent to be trained at the SAS training camp, to give them a degree of self sufficiency to help them defend themselves. Unfortunately for Alex, he has to go with them... and not get noticed as 'different'. (Chapter 19 update: AT LONG LAST, THEY HAVE LEFT THE CAMP! Thank God.)
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 148,444 - Reviews: 3021 - Favs: 2,324 - Follows: 2,725 - Updated: 9/15/2013 - Published: 5/2/2007 - Alex R./Cub
Again and Again by Athey reviews
The Do-Over Fic - a chance to do things again, but this time-To Get it Right. But is it really such a blessing as it appears? A jaded, darker, bitter, and tired wizard who just wants to die; but can't. A chance to learn how to live, from the most unexpected source. slytherin!harry, dark!harry, eventual slash, lv/hp
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Supernatural - Chapters: 25 - Words: 226,768 - Reviews: 3339 - Favs: 4,343 - Follows: 4,568 - Updated: 12/18/2012 - Published: 5/25/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort, Tom R. Jr.
Letters: The Year With the Stone by TwilightRamblings reviews
When Harry Potter received his letter for Hogwarts, he hardly expected his cousin, Dudley, to receive one as well. And how will Professor Snape react to a Slytherin Harry? In answer to a challenge from Potions and Snitches.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 38 - Words: 227,749 - Reviews: 1013 - Favs: 1,472 - Follows: 1,212 - Updated: 6/6/2012 - Published: 7/23/2009 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Becoming by SensiblyTainted reviews
How much of what you are depends on your environment? If everything changed, who would you become? Harry Potter is about to find out. If it would save everything he loved, could he become a Dark Lord?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 26 - Words: 189,905 - Reviews: 1168 - Favs: 908 - Follows: 1,092 - Updated: 4/12/2012 - Published: 6/7/2009 - Harry P., Severus S.
Bloody Skies by Toki Mirage reviews
Being a gay Hero hunted by a crazy Dark Lord with delusions of immortality, a barmy old Headmaster who thinks it's his job to save the world, and the odd vampire trolling through the halls at night looking for a midnight snack isn't easy. Just ask Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 29 - Words: 332,494 - Reviews: 4800 - Favs: 4,639 - Follows: 4,140 - Updated: 2/19/2012 - Published: 2/24/2006 - Harry P. - Complete
Forget Me Not by Dark Raven Wrote reviews
Draco has finally met the one, the man he could see himself spending the rest of his life with in Harry Potter, but what happens when he discovers that Harry isn't capable of remembering him? Ever. DMHP non-magic AU Complete
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 12,821 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 2/11/2012 - Published: 11/22/2009 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
To New Heights by Sarruby reviews
Alex has gone on a life-changing mission and lost his part of his humanity; Ben is assigned as his handler. How will they both cope with these changes? No Maximum Ride characters.
Crossover - Alex Rider & Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Friendship - Chapters: 17 - Words: 40,131 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 227 - Updated: 1/2/2012 - Published: 2/22/2010 - Alex R./Cub
Holly by Hecateslover reviews
After Voldemort is gone, Harry struggles to find himself in a world with too many expectations. He just wants to be happy, is that too much to ask? Slow moving HP/SS. More warnings inside. Rated M for a reason. Complete!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 33 - Words: 124,945 - Reviews: 742 - Favs: 750 - Follows: 348 - Updated: 10/5/2011 - Published: 7/30/2011 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Past of Shadows by ObsessivelyOdd reviews
Bear has known Greg for about three months now - he works at his local pub. He's just a waiter. Pretty average really. But then... why do Wolf, Eagle and Snake all seem to know him?
Alex Rider - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 23 - Words: 34,271 - Reviews: 777 - Favs: 325 - Follows: 314 - Updated: 8/14/2011 - Published: 11/25/2009 - Alex R./Cub, Wolf - Complete
A Question of Honor by Victoria LeRoux reviews
When Will is found poisoned and dying, Halt may be the only one who can bring hope to the apprentice. Father/Son, Will-Whumpage,
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 14,875 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 87 - Updated: 7/23/2011 - Published: 11/14/2010 - Will, Halt
Revenge by Elfpen reviews
Gilan is given a special assignment to investigate trouble in the north. On the other side of Araluen, Will goes missing. Old foes re-appear, and they're looking for revenge. Trouble is brewing, and Gilan and Will are left fighting for their lives.
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Mystery - Chapters: 11 - Words: 26,502 - Reviews: 170 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 134 - Updated: 6/19/2011 - Published: 2/1/2010 - Gilan, Will
Breaking Forwards by lastcrazyhorn reviews
HP&OP. The professors no longer can scare Harry with talk of lost points, detentions or Quidditch suspensions. He's been beaten down for far too long, and he finally has reached his limit. Severus mentors, maybe guardian. Abuse, non-con, AU, evil!Ron
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Horror/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 28 - Words: 118,869 - Reviews: 854 - Favs: 1,297 - Follows: 970 - Updated: 4/23/2011 - Published: 6/28/2010 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
It's Not A Simple Life by multicoloured carpet reviews
Alex Rider is about to be exposed, and no one knows what to do.
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,677 - Reviews: 136 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 195 - Updated: 4/8/2011 - Published: 4/9/2010 - Alex R./Cub
Captured by EvIl.bUnNeHz reviews
What if, instead of escaping Morgarath with the Skandians, Will and Evanlyn were brought to the front of the armies, when Morgarath issued his challenge to Halt, will they survive? or is this it? Rated T for violence. Finally Complete!
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,883 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 3/10/2011 - Published: 4/25/2010 - Will, Halt - Complete
WWHI? Book 2 by Pendragon.P a s s i o n reviews
Eventually all Will could do was curl into a ball as a feeble attempt to protect himself. The man stepped back and looked at the sobbing boy below him. Will gets kidnapped in The Burning Bridge by Morgarath. plz RRR. relax.read.review.
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 27,110 - Reviews: 327 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 3/5/2011 - Published: 4/23/2009 - Will
Spartan Pride by Crowlows19 reviews
A threat sends five SAS units to Brookland School. Can Alex keep his greatest secret, one Blunt doesn't even know about, from being exposed not only to his classmates but to K-Unit? Discontinued and Rewritten.
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Crime - Chapters: 8 - Words: 25,958 - Reviews: 269 - Favs: 356 - Follows: 526 - Updated: 3/1/2011 - Published: 5/9/2009 - Alex R./Cub, Tom H. - Complete
Catechism by Dreamfall reviews
AU The Dursleys taught Harry to fear and hate magic and all things magical including himself. Now how long will it take the wizarding world see the damage done? And can they ever hope to fix it? Disturbing. WIP
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99,442 - Reviews: 1850 - Favs: 2,136 - Follows: 2,462 - Updated: 1/18/2011 - Published: 8/11/2004 - Harry P., Severus S.
Do you know who I am? by DreamingALife reviews
A new lunatic is out to take over the world. Alex decides to let him know what he's up against.
Alex Rider - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 603 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 185 - Follows: 27 - Published: 1/17/2011 - Alex R./Cub - Complete
Freaks Aren't Allowed by lastcrazyhorn reviews
After nearly freezing to death outside his relative's home, little Harry is rescued first by a spirit and then a snarky git! The adventure isn't over yet though, as Snape soon realizes that his charge's problems aren't limited to just frostbite. Childfic
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 21 - Words: 45,237 - Reviews: 1008 - Favs: 2,375 - Follows: 715 - Updated: 11/30/2010 - Published: 6/22/2010 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Descent into Darkness by Athey reviews
4th yr. Through an accident Harry and Voldemort's Horcrux begin to interact and Harry slowly begins to change. He becomes stronger & slowly grows aware of the sinister events that have perpetuated his entire life. Dark!Harry eventual LV/HP SLASH
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 267,992 - Reviews: 1226 - Favs: 4,385 - Follows: 1,099 - Updated: 10/2/2010 - Published: 7/21/2010 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Dudley's Memories by paganaidd reviews
Minerva needs help delivering another letter to #4 Privet Drive. At forty, Dudley is not at all what Harry expects. A long overdue conversation ensues. DH cannon compliant, but probably not the way you think. Prologue to "Snape's Memories".
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 6 - Words: 12,218 - Reviews: 261 - Favs: 1,132 - Follows: 170 - Updated: 9/16/2010 - Published: 7/14/2010 - Harry P., Dudley D. - Complete
A Lightning's Tale by Riddle Master 101 reviews
Harry Potter is abruptly thrown into a different world upon receiving his letter from Hogwarts. Danger stalks him at every turn, light and dark are locked in a constant, eternal battle, and weaving it all together is this substance called magic...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 109,871 - Reviews: 187 - Favs: 495 - Follows: 156 - Updated: 9/3/2010 - Published: 7/24/2009 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Deaths Door 1 by Foreverwolf reviews
Life has changed drastically for Alex. Can he keep up, or will he be lost to events beyond his control? Can K Unit be the ones to help him find his way? Strong Torture warning.
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 30,176 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 422 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 8/22/2010 - Published: 2/3/2009 - Complete
More Than Loyalty by Silver Dragon 475 reviews
Alex Rider isn't MI6's secret weapon. In fact, after being raised on a Scorpia training center by the most deadly assassin you could say he's the exact opposite. Unfortunately meddling seems to be MI6's specialty. How far will they go to bring him back?
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 8 - Words: 18,127 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 7/21/2010 - Published: 6/30/2010 - Alex R./Cub, Yassen G. - Complete
Harry Potter: Dark Memories by Blueowl reviews
Voldemort didn't just give Harry some of his powers that night. He gave him all of his memories. With them, his allies and friends, Harry shall change the Wizarding World like no one ever before. LightHarry. GoodDumbledore. Chaotic magic. COMPLETE!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 57 - Words: 301,128 - Reviews: 4011 - Favs: 5,310 - Follows: 2,849 - Updated: 7/14/2010 - Published: 7/13/2007 - Harry P. - Complete
The Wisdom of Drunks by prone2dementia reviews
Harry and Draco get drunk. There are consequences. 'Nuff said? A sequel to Fear of One's Own Darkness, no pairings.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,596 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 394 - Follows: 52 - Published: 7/10/2010 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Veela Struck by Lomonaaeren reviews
HPDM slash. Veela don't have destined mates, and thank Merlin for that. Draco wants to date Harry simply because he likes him. But Harry has excellent reason not to date him, and the discovery sends Draco on a journey he didn't envision. COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 34 - Words: 154,275 - Reviews: 1455 - Favs: 1,400 - Follows: 571 - Updated: 6/30/2010 - Published: 3/19/2010 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
Poison Pen by GenkaiFan reviews
Harry has had enough of seeing his reputation shredded in the Daily Prophet and decides to do something about it. Only he decides to embrace his Slytherin side to rectify matters.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 32 - Words: 74,506 - Reviews: 7611 - Favs: 12,559 - Follows: 5,719 - Updated: 6/21/2010 - Published: 12/3/2009 - Harry P. - Complete
Remembrall by Blizdal reviews
There are things Harry doesn't remember. Warning: child abuse
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,167 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 189 - Follows: 29 - Published: 6/21/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
My Tourniquet by They Call Me Alex reviews
I'm sorry guys. Really sorry. Being continued by Pendragon.P a s s i o n
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 15 - Words: 14,860 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 155 - Updated: 6/2/2010 - Published: 8/23/2009 - Complete
Sick Day by Elfpen reviews
The facts: One, Will is sick. Two, it's time for the annual Ranger Gathering, and Will isn't going to miss it. So, can the ranger apprentice use his honed skills, wit, and charm to pull a case of the flu unnoticed past Halt? Well, Will seems to think so.
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 17,249 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 221 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 5/29/2010 - Published: 7/8/2009 - Will - Complete
It Might Start Now by lookupatthesky reviews
Alex is in a completely white room. It's kind of intimidating, and the weirdest part is that a dead man is sitting across from him. "Hello, Yassen." The man smiles slightly and nods once. Alex sighs heavily, asking, "I'm dead, aren't I?" Oneshot.
Alex Rider - Rated: K+ - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,206 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 199 - Follows: 22 - Published: 3/20/2010 - Alex R./Cub - Complete
Mission Impossible: Coffee Addicton by Caramel Cheescake reviews
Will's got a problem, and Halt has to deal with it before it's too late... Made in collaboration with Rowana Renee' and if you're wondering about the switch/rope thing, check out 'Guardian Ranger' by Rowana Renee'. My first crack-fic, hope you like it!
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,247 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 5 - Published: 3/13/2010 - Will, Halt - Complete
Practicing Liars by Lomonaaeren reviews
HPDM preslash, Severitus, AU. Harry found out he's Snape's son in his fourth year, and concealed the truth from Snape. Now, in his sixth year, he's dodging Snape's suspicions about him and trying to figure out Draco Malfoy. Life is complicated. COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 212,833 - Reviews: 2641 - Favs: 2,688 - Follows: 1,213 - Updated: 3/13/2010 - Published: 10/8/2009 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Chance Meeting at The Ink Pot by teddylonglong reviews
Severus Snape meets a six-year-old Harry Potter at The Ink Pot and ends up buying a book for the child, unaware of the far reaching effects of his spontaneous kindness. Completely AU, partly OOC, partly childic, abuse!Dursleys, Changing POVs Sev/Harry .
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 17 - Words: 49,717 - Reviews: 694 - Favs: 850 - Follows: 570 - Updated: 3/3/2010 - Published: 8/30/2009 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Snarky Git Convention by Playing Hooky reviews
Gregory House and Severus Snape meet after several years of stalking each other. Who will win? No pairings
Crossover - Harry Potter & House, M.D. - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,398 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 14 - Published: 1/4/2010 - Severus S., G. House - Complete
Harry's New Home by kbinnz reviews
One lonely little boy. One snarky, grumpy git. When the safety of one was entrusted to the other, everyone knew this was not going to turn out well... Or was it? AU, sequel to "Harry's First Detention". OVER A MILLION HITS!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 64 - Words: 318,389 - Reviews: 10394 - Favs: 5,314 - Follows: 2,145 - Updated: 10/16/2009 - Published: 7/31/2008 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Drowning by RikkuAlaise reviews
Alex finds himself dumped and drugged in a tunnel, left to drown... until an unexpected saviour shows up. Yassen/Alex SLASH
Alex Rider - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 14,156 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 234 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 10/16/2009 - Published: 10/14/2009 - Complete
Echoes of Guilt by ObsessivelyOdd reviews
Wolf is feeling guilty. It takes an unusual visitation to snap him out of it. Rated T for language. One-Shot
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,347 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 10 - Published: 7/6/2009 - Wolf, Alex R./Cub - Complete
The Sorting Hat Song by Rainey Dae reviews
The hat's seen and done some nasty stuff. Ruined some lives, altered the future of the wizarding world, and come two words away from putting Harry into Slytherin. Then Tom lit it on fire... it never did work quite right afer that. Bit of language.HatPoem.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 164 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/21/2009 - Complete
The Devil's Heartbeat by Jake Caldefore reviews
Nonslash, House/AR crossover. Dr. Gregory House was never a patient man, and when he is given the job to diagnose one 'Alex Rider,' he can't believe that the kid could be so...vague. Full summary inside. Rated for language and violence.
Crossover - Alex Rider & House, M.D. - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,976 - Reviews: 240 - Favs: 251 - Follows: 506 - Updated: 4/19/2009 - Published: 11/29/2008 - G. House
Better Be Slytherin! by jharad17 reviews
YEAR ONE COMPLETED! As a first year, Harry is sorted into Slytherin instead of Gryffindor, and no one is more surprised than his new Head of House. Snape mentors Harry fic.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 51 - Words: 175,130 - Reviews: 7588 - Favs: 6,237 - Follows: 3,728 - Updated: 3/17/2009 - Published: 8/20/2007 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
The Laser Quest Thing by Crowlows19 reviews
Alex, K-Unit, and Jack go to Laser Quest. Alex beats Eagle at his own job. Set after Woes of Brookland. One-shot.
Alex Rider - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,414 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 177 - Follows: 29 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Alex R./Cub, Eagle - Complete
The Woes of Brookland by Crowlows19 reviews
When the Cherubs reappear Alex is forced to work with them in order to save his school. Will they get the job done in time? Sequal to One Strange Day.
Crossover - Alex Rider & Cherub - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 22,152 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 222 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 3/1/2009 - Published: 1/10/2009 - Complete
Finding Peace: DD2 by Foreverwolf reviews
Sequel to Deaths Door. Alex isn't sure what he's looking for, but with a little help, and a few hard learned lessons, maybe he'll figure out it's been there all along. WARNING: Torture in it's truest form.
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 9 - Words: 32,984 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 287 - Follows: 56 - Published: 2/12/2009 - Complete
One Strange Day by Crowlows19 reviews
Alex meets Cherub, reunites with K-Unit, and manages to yell at the Heads of MI6. One-Shot. Rating just to be safe.
Crossover - Alex Rider & Cherub - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,164 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 50 - Published: 1/1/2009 - Alex R./Cub - Complete
Choice is a Misconception by Scorpia710 reviews
Scorpia doesn’t take well to MI6’s threats regarding Alex. In response, they attack anyone he's ever known. Including K Unit. Wolf will have to put aside any grudges he still holds to keep Alex alive. But keeping him alive will be harder then they know.
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 15 - Words: 58,331 - Reviews: 677 - Favs: 542 - Follows: 262 - Updated: 8/27/2008 - Published: 2/16/2008 - Complete
Spies, Lies and Confusion by amitai reviews
SLASH, Crack!fic, threesome, and a tiny, insy James Bond crossover. Yassen Gregorovich was probably the last person Wolf had been expecting to see in his kitchen. Dedicated to Silver Queen, the poor thing, and M for a crack!ficcy reason.
Alex Rider - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,101 - Reviews: 121 - Favs: 225 - Follows: 42 - Published: 8/1/2008 - Complete
Letters from Boy by Serafin982 reviews
A phoenix delivers letters from a young harry trapped in the Dursleys abuse. One shot.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,184 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 170 - Follows: 54 - Published: 4/27/2008 - Complete
A Hero by Celebony reviews
Dudley begins to see his family in a different light. Warning: strong language and themes of child abuse. WINNER: Best One-Shot at Quibbler Awards
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 18,108 - Reviews: 1074 - Favs: 4,529 - Follows: 428 - Published: 4/2/2008 - Dudley D., Harry P. - Complete
Reading the Signs by goldencompass reviews
Harry is hurt and loses his voice. Will Snape help him find it? Not slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 50,699 - Reviews: 1394 - Favs: 1,856 - Follows: 788 - Updated: 3/16/2008 - Published: 1/14/2007 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Little Harry by Rulern Av Ost reviews
AU. No Magic. Harry Potter starts first grade one week later than everyone else. Going through the years with no friends, can be hard on a child. The bullying seems to have no end. What's a little boy to do? Oneshot. The sequel is now posted.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,812 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 262 - Follows: 31 - Published: 3/10/2008 - Harry P., Ron W. - Complete
Bloodhound by Adagio To A Wolf reviews
Bloodhound fanfic edition! Beka and her Dogs are chasing fake silver. Suspicions mounts as the scent points to her friends. All the while, Beka's magic is changing! Will she be the Bloodhound, and smell the rat amongst the Rats? Read Final Author's Note.
Beka Cooper series - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 37 - Words: 124,453 - Reviews: 573 - Favs: 270 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 1/20/2008 - Published: 11/17/2007 - Complete
A Working Day by amitai reviews
John and Helen Rider escaped Scorpia, and lived. John still works for MI6... but now he has bigger problems to deal with. Like, this Take Your Child to Work Day, for Father and Son, arranged by Alex's school. Chaos, anyone?
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,521 - Reviews: 257 - Favs: 310 - Follows: 360 - Updated: 9/30/2007 - Published: 10/25/2006
Equilibrium by Twinheart reviews
AU Snape.mentors.Harry fic. When Harry Potter comes to Hogwarts, Snape is forced to reexamine his initial impressions. Warnings: implications of : child neglect, abuse, manipulative Dumbledore, sedition. Not Canon.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 24 - Words: 74,846 - Reviews: 1257 - Favs: 2,399 - Follows: 656 - Updated: 3/29/2007 - Published: 10/20/2006 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Broken Mind, Fractured Soul by SensiblyTainted reviews
What if there was a darker truth hidden in Harry's story? Summer before third year, Harry begins to question his memory blanks. What happens when he finds himself before Snape for help? includes mentor Severus, MPD, child abuse, protective Remus
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 53 - Words: 398,027 - Reviews: 3635 - Favs: 3,346 - Follows: 970 - Updated: 1/16/2007 - Published: 8/11/2005 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Energy by Truenos reviews
AU Draco is the gorgeous heir to the Malfoy fortune. Harry is an orphan whom has belonged to Tom Riddle for most of his life. Can two people from different worlds save eachother? HPDM, Prostitution, abuse, drug use, slash
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 12,658 - Reviews: 255 - Favs: 222 - Follows: 361 - Updated: 12/10/2006 - Published: 7/20/2005 - Draco M., Harry P.
Helpful Hints for First Years by BajaB reviews
What things should First year students at Hogwarts know? A two chapter list fic of warnings and information vital to happiness and success at Hogwarts, or maybe not.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,244 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 186 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 10/2/2006 - Published: 9/25/2006 - Complete
Family Night by Celebony reviews
As Hogwarts starts a quarterly Family Night, Harry is determined take part. Facing the heartache of looking in all the wrong places, he'll have to discover the true meaning of family, and that sometimes it comes from where you least expect it. COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 33,312 - Reviews: 2017 - Favs: 3,165 - Follows: 508 - Updated: 1/6/2006 - Published: 11/29/2005 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Betrayed by kateydidnt reviews
In his fifth year Harry Potter was framed for murder and sentenced to Azkaban. Ten years later his innocence is proven. What will Harry do? Written PreOotP. COMPLETE!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 26 - Words: 102,138 - Reviews: 3659 - Favs: 5,125 - Follows: 973 - Updated: 7/15/2005 - Published: 4/1/2003 - Harry P. - Complete
Recnac Transfaerso by Celebony reviews
In a rash act of self-sacrifice, Harry saves a dying Muggle by magically transfering the man's cancer to himself. Now, going through his fifth year with a terrible secret, he begins to realize just what he's given up. H/G, R/Hr. Warning: abuse
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 232,551 - Reviews: 4111 - Favs: 4,029 - Follows: 634 - Updated: 1/11/2004 - Published: 6/25/2003 - Harry P. - Complete
Wishes are for Dreamers by Yih reviews
[Complete HPxSS] AU. The Make A Wish Foundation grants wishes for terminally ill children. The day of Harry's 18th birthday, he gets a wish of a lifetime granted to meet his idol, his inspiration the musical prodigy, Severus Snape.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 43,936 - Reviews: 989 - Favs: 1,002 - Follows: 123 - Updated: 11/4/2003 - Published: 7/22/2003 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
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Blood Money reviews
Ranger Meralon, of Norgate, has been taking bribes from Sir Keren for years. Why did this one have to go so wrong? It was supposed to just be a simple exchange of information. How could that have turned into High Treason? What on earth is Keren planning that he'd risk assassinating a Ranger to keep it a secret?
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,422 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 10/13/2012 - Published: 9/7/2012 - Will, Keren
The Black Castle Dark version reviews
Will and Evanlyn are captured after burning the bridge, and in a disasterous escape attempt Will is gravely injured. Evanlyn manages to escape, but she believes Will dead. Morgarath takes Will as a slave to his Black Castle. Torture. Dark thoughts.
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: M - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 31,599 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 123 - Updated: 10/12/2012 - Published: 1/22/2011 - Will, Morgarath
Will Lightfingers reviews
When Halt misses the Choosing Day ceremony, Will is left facing a life on the farms. What other option is there for Will than to run away? Will Halt be able to arrive in time to stop Will from disappearing? Where is Will planning to go? What kind of life awaits Will outside of Redmont and the Ranger Corps?
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,884 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 25 - Published: 9/7/2012 - Will, Halt
Last Spy Standing reviews
When Jack is killed by Scorpia, MI6 make good with their threat to reveal Alex to the world and Alex is sent back to Brecon Beacons to train and for protection. While the entire world is shaken from the revelation of the teenage super spy, Alex must deal with not only the new batch of SAS recruits, but assassination attempts and the ever interfering K-Unit.
Alex Rider - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 15,416 - Reviews: 137 - Favs: 240 - Follows: 438 - Updated: 9/6/2012 - Published: 5/22/2010 - Alex R./Cub
The Black Castle reviews
After burning Morgarath's bridge, Evanlyn and Will try to escape Erak's crew, but it goes badly wrong. Will ends up badly hurt, and Evanlyn leaves by herself, believing Will to be dead. Can Will escape Morgarath's Black Castle before it's too late?
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 27,359 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 6/30/2012 - Published: 1/17/2011 - Will
If You Jump reviews
When Will, broken after years of torture at enemy hands, threatens suicide, what is Alyss to do? Should she hold onto the one she loves, or would it be kinder to let him go?
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,862 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/29/2012 - Alyss, Will - Complete
Coffee, the true price of addiction reviews
Will, Halt and Gilan are on their way to the Gathering when Halt decides to take away Will and Gilan's coffee, saying that they have become addicted and that addictions are dangerous. How will Gilan and Will handle withdrawal? Birthday Fic for Werewolf 13
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,992 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/29/2010 - Will - Complete