Author has written 5 stories for Team Fortress 2, Invader Zim, and Left 4 Dead.
im a teenage readaholic with WAY too much time on my hands and an obsession with team fortress two, zombies, reading, and dragons. i believe the end of the world will be because the government screwed something up and released the zombie virus.
Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named aladdin. Snow white lived alone with seven men. Pinnochio was a liar. Robin hood was a theif. Tarzan walked around without any clothes on. A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party.
Sincerly, It's not our fault, it's how you raised us.
If you think rock paper scissors solves everything, copy this into your profile
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.(Tis Called krazyville)
If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you agree that rum is for drinking, not burning, copy and paste this into your profile.
I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, why aren't two mooses meese, or if two foots are feet, why arn't two footballs feetball? People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy this and put it in your profile
Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.
If you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the tv. copy this onto your profile
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. (gaara :3)
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile
98 percent of American teens have turned to rap music. If you are part of the 2 percent that still rock out copy and paste this into your profile.
If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile.
99 of the teenage population thinks that raver kids and rivetheads are weird, but if you are part of the 1 that love fucking techno music, copy and paste this on your profile
If you think rock paper scissors solves everything, copy this into your profile
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile.
If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile.
If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, put it on your profile.
If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.
If you get way to excited for books, movies, ect. to come out, copy this into your profile
If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.
If you wished you could either own or star in primeval copy and paste this onto your profile
If you've ever been in love with more than 1 person at one time copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have a enemy copy and paste this on to your profile
If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments, copy and paste this in you're profile.
If you've ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you have just two reviews, paste this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile
If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.
Ninty-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you are one of the two percent, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you don't watch Laguna Beach, the O.C. or the Hills religiously, never have, never will, copy and paste this onto your profile
If someone has ever called you weird, copy and paste this to your profile.
Chocolate chip cookies are yummy! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile
You know when you live in 2010 when...
1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or Myspace
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends...
5.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
9.) ...and you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity is to copy and paste this to your profile
My Favorite Funny Sayings/Quotes
You have the right to remain silent. Anything else you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, "So far, so good!"
You can't have EVERYTHING ... where would you put it??
Join the army! Visit exotic places! Meet strange people! ... Then kill them.
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
A day without sunshine is like ... well, night.
If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?
Love your enemies. It'll make them crazy.
Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in
I am so clever sometime i don't understand a single word I'm saying
Dogs have owners, cats have staff
Don't steal, the IRS hates competition
If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one.
How to Annoy People in Public Bathrooms
Cheer and clap loudly everytime someone breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
Drop a marble and exclaim, "Agh, my glass eye!"
Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds, and then drop a cantalope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
Say, "Now how did that get in there?"
Using a small squeeze tube, spread penut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall of your neighbor. Then ask, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
How to Annoy People in the Elevator
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
Ask, "Did you hear that cable-snapping sound?"
Bet the other passengers that you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Bring a chair along.
Grin at a passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!"
Have a picnic.
Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa, the Great Chief, and begin telling stories of your native island.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
Play patty-cake ... with the door.
Preach about the end of the world.
Pretend you're dead and collapse on the elevator floor.
Sing: "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerve's, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and it goes like this!"
Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
Tell the other passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another two minutes.
When the elevator door closes, bang on them, screaming, "LET ME OUT!"
How to Annoy the Pizza Guy
Call to complain about service. Later, call again to say that you were drunk and didn't mean it.
Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?"
Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred".
Learn the topping codes or abbreviations and use them instead of their real names. (Ex: pp instead of pepperoni).
Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream "GOODBYE!" at the top of your lungs.
Pretend that you were trying to call 911. When they tell you that you have the wrong number say, "Oh well", and start to order. In the middle of your order stop and begin to panic, yelling, “IT’S ABOUT TO BLOW!” and hang up.
Pretend you're flying a jet fighter in the Gulf War while ordering.
Rent a pizza.
When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
How to Annoy People on an Airplane
Ask the guy next to you to hold your dentures (senior citizens only).
Bring a cellular phone. Call God. Say, "The reception is much clearer up here..."
Call the stewardess "nurse".
Decorate. Bring a scatter rug and tiny draperies. Hang a "Home Sweet Home" plaque on the back of the seat in front of you. Invite your fellow passengers in for tea.
Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn't come out, 'cause they aren't really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die.
Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar.
Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet paper! Stewardess!"
Say, "Did you know every time a plane crashes, an angel gets its wings?" Then sigh and stare dreamily into the clouds.
Start singing the Shari Lewis theme, "This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because, this is the song that never ends..." Suddenly realize that you can never stop singing. Become very panicky. Scribble "Help me" on a piece of paper and hand it to the person sitting next to you. Claw at your throat and thrash around in the seat. Never stop singing.
Try to lead plane in song "Oh I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weiner".
How to Annoy People at a Funeral
Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream, "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.
Walk around tellin' people that you've seen the will and that they're not in it.
How to Annoy People at the Movie Theater
Before the movie starts, tape farrt cusions to various chairs in the theater room.
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts of the movie, cry during the funny ones.
Sit in the front row. The minute the movie starts, run out screaming.
Tell the man-selling-popcorn that the bathrooms are flooding.
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
FAKE FRIENDS: Say no when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog,
Keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog,
Now read without the word DOG
Read the second word of each line.
Read the first word of each line starting at the *BOTTOM*
Read this aloud
I am sofa king we todd did.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it
I love Jeff Dunham :D
i like pie.
That iz all.
krazy kitty out.