I'm a man of many different shapes, all of them round in one regard or another.

I've never been to Constantinople, which is a shame. Perhaps I'll settle for Istanbul.

I don't often stub my toe, but when I do I cry.

Writing stories is the worst and I don't recommend that anyone try it.

I'm the least interesting man in the world.

Although Chuck Norris can swim on land, I can swim in water and other liquids of similar relative density.

As I pirate, I've never had to brush my teeth. But I do so often to prevent gingivitis and halitosis. You're welcome.

One time, I got this close to touching a squirrel.

I look like the kind of person who spent their entire life in a room eating saltine crackers and now here I am.

I've shamelessly ripped off this profile style from boomvroomshroom, and there's nothing they can do about it.

I'm a rebel with a cause.

However, I'm neither a joker, a smoker, nor a midnight toker.

I am a proud citizen of the country of What, regardless of what Samuel L. Jackson says.

I've followed and favorited myself, but I still never know when new updates are going to be posted.

I'm a very private person, so never read any of my personal information.