Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's tasteless, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
21) I am not authorised to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."
25) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see who will come out alive
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."
29) I will not tell Draco to “Make like a ferret and bounce”
30) It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin ‘Once you go black you never go back’
31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
33) I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new pussy cat?”
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends."
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."
37) I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of lessons and claim someone put the imperious cure on me.
38) I will not tell Ron and Hermione to ‘get a room’ whenever they start fighting
39) I will not tell Severus Snape he takes himself too seriously. Same applied for Minerva McGonagall.
40) Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying the library is closed for an indefinite time period funny in any sense. Nor does Hermione Granger.
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
43) I will not lick Trevor.
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
46) I will not refer to Lucius Malfoy as a pimp - even if he does carry a pimp cane
47) I am no longer allowed to use the words ‘pimp cane’ in front of Draco Malfoy
48) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
51) I will not tell the first years to build a treehouse in the Whomping Willow.
52) I will not tell Filch that Peeves has left. It is cruel to get his hopes up like that.
53) I am not allowed to skip through the hallways singing the "Wizards of Waverly Place" theme song.
54) I am not allowed to attack the new Head Boy with water ballons.
55) I am not allowed to change the Slytherin common room to red and gold.
56) I am not allowed to tell the Revenclaws and/or Hermione Granger that the libray has been closed down.
57) I am not allowed to tell Lockheart that his fanclub is waiting in the Whomping Willow. Paste/copy this thingy...
x] My fingernails/toenails are almost always painted.
TOTAL SO FAR: 7
] My hair is mostly always straightened. (Naturally straight)
TOTAL SO FAR: 8
] I would NEVER set foot into Hot Topic.
TOTAL SO FAR: 11
x I love to have other people do my hair.
TOTAL SO FAR: 19
x] I'm self-conscious.
TOTAL SO FAR: 23
[x] I dance randomly around the house.
TOTAL SO FAR: 29
] I wish I could meet Paris Hilton.
TOTAL SO FAR: 31
] I write my own music.
TOTAL SO FAR: 34
x] I love to gossip.
TOTAL SO FAR: 38
x] I LOVE life!
TOTAL SO FAR: 41
] You like the colour pink.
Sweet baby Jesus.
1. The Doctor
2. Sherlock Holmes
3. Loki Laufeyson
4. Neville Longbottom
5. Iron Man (Tony Stark)
7. Claire Beauchamp Randall Fraser
8. Patrick (Perks of Being a Wallflower)
10. Annabeth Chase
12. James Moriarty
Six/Eleven fanfic before?
I don’t think that’s humanly possible.
Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
Super hot, motherfucker.
What would happen if Three got Four pregnant?
Well, anatomically impossible, but it would result in a very fucked up child.
Do you recall any fics about Nine?
Yes, there was one about her and Neville getting together and it was fucking adorable.
Would Two and Eleven make a good couple?
Probably not. No, Sherlock would not enjoy being Eli’s lover. He probably wouldn’t enjoy being anyone’s lover, to be frank.
Five/Eight or Five/Ten?
Well, Patrick and Tony Stark would make a lovely couple. I don’t think Annabeth would be a good match for Mr. Stark, though
What would happen if One walked in on Five and Six having sex?
He would most likely cover his eyes and run back to the TARDIS, wishing he could unsee what he just saw.
Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic.
Well, the Gods of Olympus could be having some issues with Asgard and meet for a delegation to deal with this problem. Obviously the people of Asgard have forgiven Loki for his mischief making and send him, so he meets Annabeth and chaos ensues...?
Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff?
Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic.
Jesus Roosevelt Christ
What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to de-flower One?
No plot. He’s a 900 years old Time Lord. I don’t think he’s a virgin.
What might 3 scream at a moment of great passion?
“I am burdened with glorious purpose!”
If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?
Sweet Transvestite by Tim Curry. Get it? Because he’s Frank-n-Furter?
If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fanfic, what would the warning be?
There will be an alarmingly large amount of villainy, human-on-vampire violence, and wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.
What might be a good pick-up line for 1 to use on Two?
“I have a time machine.” Seriously. That pickup line would work on anybody.
What would happen if number 1 woke you up in the middle of the night?
I would immediately join him in awesome adventures throughout time and space. Duh
Number 3 walked into the bathroom while you're showering?
Give him an invitation to join me in the shower.
Number 4 announced he/she's going to marry 9 tomorrow?
Oh my god. That worked out perfectly. I would shout congratulatory statements at them.
Number 5 cooked you dinner?
It’s probably shwarma.
Number 8 got into the hospital somehow?
He probably tripped over his awesomeness and broke his arm.
Number 9 made fun of your friends?
Ha ha. That’s funny. No. She would never do that
Number 10 ignored you all the time?
She’s probably just worried about Seaweed Brain.
Two serial killers are hunting you down. What will 1 do?
He’d probably end up discovering that they’re aliens and stop them from taking over the world.
You're on a vacation with 2 and manage to break your leg. What does 2 do?
Proceed to tell me the doctor who’s helping me’s whole life story based upon his tie and shoes.
It's your birthday. What does 3 get you?
World Domination. Or a cat
You're stuck in a house that's on fire. What does 4 do?
He probably does some water/plant spell and destroys the fire.
You're about to do something that'll make you feel extremely embarrassed. What will 5 do?
Talk about himself.
You're about to marry number 10. What's 1's reaction?
Something like “Fantastic!”
You got dumped by someone. How will 7 cheer you up?
She’d probably talk about healing plants. Or Jamie.