wolflover777
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Joined 04-18-10, id: 2332588, Profile Updated: 08-27-10
Author has written 9 stories for Maximum Ride, and Darkest Powers.

Hey everybody! What's up? For starters, I'm a girl. I love music, writing, goofing off, sarcastic people, and other stuff I don't feel like listing. I'm a funny, sarcastic person, so if what I say to someone personally or in one of my stories offends someone, I'm going to appologize in advance. I won't change it, but nothing I say is meant to offend anybody. My hobbies inclue annoying the crap out of my sister, reading, watching TV, playing video games, playing guitar, writing songs, and, if I'm really bored, practicing my clarinet (Don't underestimate the clarinet. Just don't.). I have tones of awesome friends, and my family is pretty cool too. But, you know how families are. Sometimes you hate them, sometimes you love them.

A friend will comfort you when he rejects you, Best Friend well go up to him and say "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A friend will be there for you when he dumps you, Best Friend will call him and whisper "Seven days..."

A friend will help you up when you fall, Best Friend will laugh because she tripped me.

A friend helps you find you're prince charming; Best Friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A friend gives you there umbrella in the rain; Best Friend takes yours and runs away.

A friend helps you move, Best Friend helps you move the bodies

A friend well bail you out of jail, Best Friend is sitting next to you saying "That was Awesome!! Let’s do it again!!"

A friend knows a lot of things about you; Best Friend could right a very embarrassing biography of your live.

A friend will teach me how to drive; Best Friend will help me push the car in the lake so I can collect insurance.

A friend will go to the concert with me; Best Friend will kidnap the band with me.

A friend will hide me from the cops; Best Friend is the reason there after me.

A friend will let me make a fool of myself in public, Best Friend is making a fool of herself next to me.

Friends Fade, Best Friends are forever.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend than copy this to your profile.

PREP

X You own a cell phone.
X You own something from Abercrombie.
X You own something from Pac sun.
X You own something from Hollister.
X You own something from American eagle.
X You love/like going to the mall.
X You own an iPod/MP3 player.
X You love Starbucks.
x you have been called a brat.
X You hate buying things that are on sale.
X You have more than one house.

Total: 5

GOTHIC

X Black is one of your favourite colors.
X You have thought about death.
X You wear chains.
X You like heavy metal.
X You’ve shopped at Hot Topic.
X You have worn black lipstick.
X Your hair was/is dark.
X You dislike preps.
x you’re an atheist/ Satanist/agnostic.

Total: 3

PUNK

X You can skateboard
x you’ve worn plaid.
X You like Converse.
X You hate MTV.
X You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair. - (streaks count)
x you dislike pink.
X You hate/dislike preps.
X you wear/wore skateboarding shoes.

Total: 6

GEEK

X You love the computer.
X You like Harry Potter.
X You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts
x you get straight A's.
X You love/like reading.
X You were/are in band.
X You don't care what you look like.
X You have a curfew.
X You always do your homework.
X You never miss school unless you're sick.

Total: 6

ATHLETIC

X You watch/watched the Super bowl.
X You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.
X You collect your jerseys.

X You have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards.
X You have posters or plaques of famous athletes.
X Your garage consists of sports equipment.
X You belong/belonged to a school team.
X You are going/did go to a sports summer camp.
X You have a specific number.

Total: 5

HARDCORE//SCENE

X You like loud music.
X You love/loved the Ninja Turtles.
X You never walk anywhere.
X You wear slip-on shoes.
X You wear/wore Vans.
X You like the band Panic! At the disco.
X You wear band t-shirts. (Do Rock Band T-shirts count?)
X People have called you a freak and meant it.
X You love to "hardcore" dance.
X Hair has been died more than 1 color

Total: 5

Your guy side

X You love hoodies.
X You love jeans.
X Dogs are better than cats.
X its hilarious when people get hurt.
X You've played with/against boys on a team.

X Shopping is torture.
X Sad movies suck.
X You own/Ed an X-Box.
X Played with Hot wheel cars as a kid.
X At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. (but really? Who doesnt wanna be a firefighter?!)
X You own/Ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
X You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
X You watch sports on TV.
X Gory movies are cool.
X You go to your dad for advice.
X You own like a trillion baseball caps.
X You like going to high school football games.
X You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
X Baggy pants are cool to wear.
X It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
X Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favourite colors.

X You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
X Sports are fun.
X Talk with food in your mouth.
X Sleep with your socks on at night.

Total: 20

Your girl side:

X You wear lip gloss/Chap stick.
X You love to shop.

X You wear eyeliner.
X You wear the color pink
x Go to your mom for advice.
X You consider cheerleading a sport. (Probably because my big sister did it. When she did, by the time it was over, she could totally kick my butt. She got muscles! Like BOOM!)
X You hate wearing the color black.
X You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
X You like wearing jewellery.
X Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. (O.o NEVER!)
X Shopping is one of your favourite hobbies.
X You don't like the movie Star Wars.
X You were in gymnastics/dance
x It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.

X You smile a lot more than you should.
X You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
X You care about what you look like.
X You like wearing dresses when you can. (Again, NEVER!)
X You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne. (Makes me cough like crap and usually end up going up my nose or in my mouth. I know, I'm brilliant.)
X You love the movies.
X You used to play with dolls as little kid. (Kinda. I had some, but my sister made me play with her ALL THE TIME. I'm the tomboy of the family, that's for sure.
X Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it. (I would probably mess up their face by accident. I hardly put the stuff on myself, let alone someone else.)
X Like being the star of everything.

Total: 6

Wow...these things really make you rethink your life. If I wasn't such a tomboy, I'd be scared that the answeres came out that way...

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile.

(BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be going out with them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly... or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and cool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I MUST do weed and steal stuff.
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks.
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I MUST be stupid and stuck up.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I DON'T LIKE to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I READ COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FAN Girl so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and A MURDERER!

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I don't HAVE MANY FRIENDS, so I MUST be antisocial.
I have a guy best friend, so I MUST be going out with him.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash

I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish.
I'm a good actor/actress, so I MUST be a liar.
I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's ass.
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant.
I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict.
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian.
I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie.
I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs.
I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life.
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up.
I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch.
I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention.
I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean.
I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports
I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time.
I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi
I WEAR GLASSES and RETAINERS, so I MUST be a nerd
I'm HALF ASIAN HALF BRITISH, so I MUST be short
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals
I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I HAVE BIG FAMILY siblings, so WE MUST be financially challenged
I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention
I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist.
I FROWN a lot, so I MUST have a bad life
I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try
I'm a JEW, so I MUST hate all Germans
I like to listen to HANNAH MONTANA, so I MUST be childish and immature
I am POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet.
I don't have a SOCIAL LABEL, so I MUST just be emo.
I like COUNTRY music, so I MUST be a redneck hick.

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I love SHOPPING so I MUST be rich.
I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd.

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED (I might not be all of these, but I hate pretty much any stereotype.)

If you rearrange the following words, you'll find that the same letters spell the given definition. Someone out there either has too much spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.

Dormitory: Dirty room

Astronomer: Moon starrer

George Bush: He bugs Gore

The eyes: They see

Slot machine: Cash lost in me

Desperation: A rope ends it

Presbyterian: Best in prayer

Election results: Lies! Let's recount

Snooze alarm: Alas! No more zest

Eleven plus two: Twelve plus one

Mother in law: Woman Hitler

The Morse code: Here come dots

A decimal point: I'm a dot in place

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix, Bust_A_Groover, Takahane, Fire Thief, Sarah303, Kinkatia, Portagas D. Yumi. Why me why not you, Society's Damnation, Gaara The Eternal, cats-rock-and-so-does-cheese, SoujaGurl, EmpireofShadow, Flightgirl, Vera A, All Mighty Ruler, f.l.o.c.k.f.a.n.f.o.r.e.v.e.r., wolflover777

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliche, Insane Winged Girl, UPDRAFTGIRL37,silentflier, Maximum Ride the Hero, Kara Nicole, Vera A, All Mighty Ruler, f.l.o.c.k.f.a.n.f.o.r.e.v.e.r., wolflover777

Boys say that in everything they do, they can kick a girl's butt so bad that they cry. If you're a girl who kicks the boys' butts so bad they cry like girls, copy this into your profile and add your name. Moonstar of FireClan, Flamestar, Samishi Destiny, Silverstar's Shadow, Darkangel24700, iLoVeMoOnYnPaDfOoT, Someone aka Me,Yourcool79, Give up your Prejudices, MyNameIsCAB, chibi-sarus, hawkstar2, CrazyLittleKookoo, Vera A, All Mighty Ruler, f.l.o.c.k.f.a.n.f.o.r.e.v.e.r., wolflover777

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, danceswithwings119, gottaluvtwilight, freexflyer, Green.Winged.Mistress, MoonStarWithWings, Yourcool79, MyNameIsCAB, chibi-sarus, hawkstar2, CrazyLittleKookoo, Vera A, All Mighty Ruler, f.l.o.c.k.f.a.n.f.o.r.e.v.e.r., wolflover777

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile.

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me colored"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your profile and help stop racism (I might be white, but I love this. It's awesome.)

If you think disclaimers are the most annoying thing ever copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do copy this in your profile. (That depends. How much do you guys like chocolate?)

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. (Don't you hate that?)

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a song in your head but can’t remember what it was called copy and paste this to your profile. (...I hate that too...)

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. (Read through the whole night once. I was completely drained the next day. I finished the book though.)

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile. (Both. I think I'm more though. It's a close call.)

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you have a teacher who doesn't know what the heck there doing and you hate them because they annoy you pastes this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Geez...I hope not. That would suck.)

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when Gazzy said "'I villa now destroy de Snickers bars!' then copy this to your profile! (Good times...good times.)

If your friend(s) think you’re crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog) and you don’t care copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If you think Max and Fang should confess their love for each other, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile. (Guess what's next...)

If you have ever tripped up the stairs copy this into your profile. (Heck yes! I'm just that awesome.)

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. (Like, ten times at this point. Maybe more.)

If you have ever burnt precooked food, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are as bad a cook as Max, copy and paste this to your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

if you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile.

If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile. (That hurt.)

65 percent of teenagers would rather watch TV than read. If you are one of the 35 percent who would have their nose in a book, copy/paste this to your profile.

If you have ever yelled at and/or slapped an inanimate object from anger, paste this on your profile. (That's what a pillow's for.)

If you have a profile, paste this on your profile.

If you have any secrets, paste this on your profile.

If you are a girl, paste this on your profile.

If you're on the computer, paste this on your profile. (Nope, I'm just physic. Sarcasm, people. You've got to love it.)

If you have/ wish you had a dog, and wish he could talk like Total, copy this onto your profile.

If you’ve ever been yelled by your parents for reading too much, copy and paste this into your profile. (My dad found me reading at two in the morning. He got ticked.)

If you aren't me, paste this on your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination or something to that effect, copy and paste this into your profile. (Muahahaha!)

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

Copy pastes this to your profile if you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of pushing the button on the TV.

If you’re a CHOC AHOLIC -TALK AHOLIC -OR A-SHOP AHOLIC then copy and paste this!

If you’ve ever wanted to go into a book and slap/ scream at a character copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Fang is hot...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you still laugh re-reading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you want to see Maximum Ride (the movie) on the first day it comes out, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile. (Like my dad says, nobody is normal. Normal is just a perspective.)

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you could, copy this into your profile. (I stayed up two days in a row when I was a kid. Beat that. And yes, that is over 40 hours. That morning, that night, the next morning, the next night, and the next next morning.)

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever shouted out the first thing that comes to mind, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever shouted a random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these, copy and paste it to your profile.

If you are in the 'Haters of ter Borscht' club, copy and paste this to your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the world should have no violence, but probably will always have it, copy this into your profile.

If you believe that 42 percent of statistics are made up on the spot, C&P.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and pastes this to your profile.

90 of teens today would die if MySpace had a system failure and was completely destroyed. If you are one of the 10 that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile. (Don't ask.)

If you go through profiles like mad, looking at all of the copy/pasty-thingies, and copy/paste every single one that has a remote chance of being interesting, fill up your profile to the limit, and continue doing it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love copy and paste its, even though there useless, copy this in your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

if you are procrastinating doing work that you really should be doing right now, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you are in lama land most of the time copy this into your profile.

If you forgot your phone number when someone asks for it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a mind that you're sure no one will understand, copy this into your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you've ever been in an awkward situation before paste this.

If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell and hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever wondered why someone decided to milk a cow, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile

Put this in your profile if you know a person or two who needs to get squished by a bus... or Tyler Crowley's van

If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the A morphs version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family act. Personally, I like this version better) to your most favourite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you don’t dance to avoid injury to yourself and those around you, copy this into your profile.

If someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a weird habit of writing inside jokes somewhere anyone can see, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever read/started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile

If you're too busy petting your cat and/or reading fanfiction to finish one novel a day, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you could easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freaking' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you agree, that purple bunnies that are high on CATNIP and eat TACOS WILL rule the world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever screamed at a book or the TV copy this!

If you are Homo sapiens, put this in your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when the ice cream truck comes down your street copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever done the evil laugh copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever started singing in a silent room copy this onto your profile.

If you think my long list of reasons you should copy and paste this onto your profile should stop, copy and paste this onto you profile.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: No
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die without you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Maximum Ride Crap…

What have you pulled?

If you have pulled a Max: You have made a snap decision and decided to do it without thinking it through first.

If you have pulled a Fang: You have sneaked up behind someone without them noticing, making it seem like you came out of nowhere.

If you have pulled an Iggy: You have run into an inanimate object without realizing it was there. This could include, poles, wall, doors, tables, etc.

If you have pulled a Nudge: You have talked about something nonstop for the past five minutes, not allowing anyone else to speak. This is also known as rambling.

If you have pulled a Gazzy: You have fared in a big group of people really loudly, and everyone could hear it and smell it.

If you have pulled an Angel: You have invaded someone else’s personal space, without any consideration for that person. You can also pull an Angel by gaining a whole lot of useless powers that you don't really need...but I highly recommend the first one.

If you have ever pulled any of these things stick this on your profile and write which ones you have pulled.

I’ve pulled a Max, Fang, Iggy, a Nudge and Angel.

You Know You're Obsessed With Maximum Ride When...

1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog.
2. You see someone in a white lab coat then run off screaming.
3. You've called one of your siblings/friends/family members Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, or Angel.
4. You refuse to talk to anyone who's named Ari.
5. You claim you have wings. (now see I dont do that but one of my freinds do. Im the only one at our school who gets the joke)
6. You drool when you hear the word 'Fang'.
7. You daydream about meeting the flock.
8. You've reread Maximum Ride about 3 times or more.
9. You look for the flock's theme songs and get excited when you find one that fits perfect.
10. You study about birds.
11. You hate science class/refuse to dissect any type of animal. (Well, kinda. We had to dissect a beaver once.)
12. You have a crush on Iggy or Fang or both.
13. You read Fang's blog daily. Even though you know it's JP talking.
14. You're waiting for your 'Nick Ride'.
15. You are counting down the days for the next book. (Which is coming out March 15, 2010)
16. You will go to the first opening for the movie, even if it's at midnight.
17. You look in the mirror cautiously to make sure your reflection is not an Eraser.
18. You hate dog crates.
19. You think scientists are evil.
20. You argue with people if Max is a girl's name or a guy's.
21. When you’re spending the night at a friend's, you say you'll take first watch.
22. You've found a new respect for blind people.
23. You think MR is the best series ever and you want to meet James Patterson, author.
24. You say 'U and An’ a lot.
25. You think you have a Voice like Max.
26. You've gotten your Online Friends hooked on it.
27. You use sarcastic remarks from MR.
28. You know what 'Fax' is.
29. You were one of the characters from MR for Halloween.
30. You claim to have brain attacks.
31. You protect your thoughts. Angel might be reading them.
32. You give a crazy look to people who don't know what MR is.
33. You daydream of flying.
34. You love chocolate chip cookies.
35. You seriously felt like you were in the book.
36. If you want to become a writer because of MR
37. If they make a poster, shirt, key-chain, button, anything MR you will buy it.
38. If you love Fan-fiction.
39. In school, it's hard to concentrate because you're thinking of Maximum Ride.
40. You want a talking dog.

15 Things to do when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream... "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"
15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting, "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAYS:

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.
39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if heshe did it.
42. Dress like the professor.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

FUN STUFF TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR:

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in
there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

WEIRD STUFF THAT MAKES YOU THINK...

The toothfairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.

Santa teaches you that it's okay to break into houses as long as you bring presents.

Show me a girl with both feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show some one who can't put her pants on

I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.

Backstabbing is fun... the look on your face is priceless

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it

I snap crackle and pop rice krispies.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

Workin' hard or hardly workin'?

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly

I say we shoot Cupid and see how he likes it.

I believe that dragons unicorns and sporks do exsist.

The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole.

Behold the mighty...chihuahua?

When you look at the sky do you see a cloud or a dinosaur in a tutu?

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.

Snot is brain juice leaking out of your nose.

If you're really my friend, I'll probably make jabs at you. It's all in good fun. But don't confuse jabs with insults. Insults involve actual dislike.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

"All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies." (TOO FREAKING TRUE!)

"He who laughs last thinks slowest and he who laughs first doesn't get it."

"Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought"

"Welcome to the Ool. There's no "p" in it, lets keep it that way." (Lol...)

Every time a guy ignores me, I know it’s just because he’s a vampire in love with me, and he is too polite to drink my blood.

Did you know that they have Bill Nye the Science Guy under T.V. shows and that ten people have written stories for it?

What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.

I'm an optimistic pessimist.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

Your multiple personalities are freaking out my imaginary friend!

It takes 48 muslces to frown but only 14 to flip some one off.

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive.

I'm the kinda girl who always falls for the sidekick, always.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Who ever said 'nothing is impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door.

(Like you don’t gasp every time you see a silver Volvo.)

I wish my lawn was emo... then it could cut itself.

Strangers have the best candy.

You stare because I’m different...(0.0) ('.') ('.') ('.')I stare because you're all the same.

Free hugs.

Your epidermus is showing!

I do what ever my rice Krispes tell me to.

You dropped your pocket.

I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.

I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny.

Its all gouda.

I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his 'time of the month'.

My imaginary friends are jealous of my voices.

When Edward goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Harry Potter.

You cry. I cry. You laugh. I laugh. You jump off a bridge. I laugh.

I'm not fat. I'm just short for my weight.

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

Your chances of being struck by lightning go up if you stand on a hill beneath a tree raise your fist to the sky and shout, 'Storms Suck!'

'We're gonna kick Luke and Titian ass.' 'What? Luke has a tight ass?'

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history

Can I borrow your pen? I need to stab you in the eye.

Your year book picture still haunts me.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.

Don't try to out-weird me-- I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast ceral.

Don't you look at me with that tone of voice.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Shakespear must have had a lot of one-night-stands because anyone who can make suicide romantic had to be a smooth talker.

Love can be soo boring

Many a grandchild was spoiled because you simply cannot spank Grandpa.

Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Ahh pure love (smiles wistfully) It makes me sick.

You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?

Fanfictions aren't everything... but they're right up there with oxygen.

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Colin.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.

You say crazy like it's a bad thing...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

They laugh because we're losers...We laugh because they just figured it out.

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

(said during baseball game) Anything going that fast should have seatbelts and a flight attendant

Stop with your premeditated spontaneity.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit.

If it wasnt for physics and law inforcement I'd be unstoppable.

How come we drive on a parkway and park on a drive way?

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

A computer password is like a toothbrush: Change it every six months and don't share with anyone else

On the down side I now am registered for things I don't want to be and I find my self paying for things I didn't buy and the up side I won Aol's most creative password

I trippped over a wireless phone

Remember students, all Voldemort really needs is a hug.

They say ignorance is bliss; I would rather be blissfully ignorant then know THAT.

Never say 'things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge

The world is big enough for Werewolves AND Wizards.

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

Why are the Force and duct tape the same? Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

People say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

I'm easily distrac- Look, shiny!!

Emily is not the wolf girl. I am.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I'm a big fan of letting my imagination run wild. There's always a chance it won't come back, but it always has, and usually with an odd scent attached to it.

If you're looking for sympathy, it's right between 'shit' and 'syphilis' in the dictionary.

I will temporarily rule the world, forever.

Aww heck no, I didn't kill him.

Everyday I think people can't get any stupider. Everyday I am proven horribly wrong.

Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.

In an average room there are about, 120,496 objects a Ravenclaw can use to kill you. Including the room itself.

I have the kind of friends that if my house was burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen.

Sometimes I wonder, 'Why is that frisbee getting bigger?'... then it hits me

I wanted to be a warrior like you, not a damsel in this dress.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.

If you cry, I cry. If you laugh, I laugh. If you fight, I got your back. If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall. If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me!"

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

If I asked for your oppinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.

I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. (Too. Freaking. True.)

I know at least one person who would love to push me down the stairs

Music is my boyfriend.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh,he just took a wrong turn,got lost,and is to stubborn to ask directions.

I'm here because Heaven wouldn't take me, and Hell was afraid I'd take over.

Fanfiction...Beacuse it's cheaper then therapy.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they've seen me laugh, and they've seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Ohh look its a bird, it's a plane, it's... an egg salad sandwich

Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird.

Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door. (Or nailing jelly to the wall)

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

I'm so gangsta, I carry a squirt gun.

Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up. (Soooo true)

Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it."

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train. (No. The light at the end of the tunnel is a reminder of why the hell you're in a tunnel)

If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk!

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity?... I think I lost it.

Do not attempt to follow my footsteps. I walk into a lot of walls. (...Yeah, taht pretty much describes me.)

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

You can't spell awesome without ME!

A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too!

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

'If you are first you are first. If you are second you are not in first.' (Really? I didn't know that.)

I was normal before I met you!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.(Why do all the good jokes have to be so funny, yet so wrong?)

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I say, when life gives you lemons, make apple juice and laugh at the looks people give you.

'I'm not moving backwards, I'm just moving forwards in another direction.' (Haha. That's technically true.)

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my roof!

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Wrinkles merely show where smiles have been.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

If I went to Hogwarts, and got sent to Dumbledore's office, I would so skip down the hallway and sing, 'I'm off to see the wizard...' LOL!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties.

"Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that."

"I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."

You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, bitch.

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit just a little bit harder.

Every time you open your mouth, you get in trouble. Alternatively, just stick up your middle finger under the table.

I have reviews from teens and you don't. In your FACE James Patterson.

There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, its when they start to talk back that you need to worry.

Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never got hit by a dictionary.

Nine of the ten Voices in my head think I'm sane. The tenth is undecided.

Growing older is manditory. Growing up is optional.

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had.

Yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet.

"We may not make good decisions But hell, we make good stories."

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "

"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "

"Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face, when you push them down a flight of stairs. "

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.""

(())_(())
( o . o )
( u_u)o

Arc, don't mock my grammar, you know this is all copy-pasted...

You know you live in 2007 when...

1. You go to a party, sit down and take MySpace pics.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace.

4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.

6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer. (And afternoon. And morning. It's quite sad really.)

7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.

8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.

9. You were too busy to notice number five.

10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.

11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.

12. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did.

13. You're sad because you fell for it and think you have to put it on ur pro


PROOF THAT THE HUMAN RACE HAS REACHED IT'S LIMITS OF EVOLUTION:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (I don't think that's what you have to worry about. It's when it comes out cold that you need to worry.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...raise your hand if you've tried this)

This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do!

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails (...no comment...)
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push

11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do. (I do that all the time.)
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it

47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair, (You can do that?)
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day. (My sister did this once. At about 11:30 pm.)
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it (Sometimes having family sucks...)
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out-
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam

74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it

76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people

80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about

85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair

86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone. (I do that to my sister at every single resturant we go to. Every. Single. One.)
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird (Who does that!)
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people (Hit my teacher in the back of the head once...good times. Good times.)
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story

96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.

99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth

...wow...that's a lot...

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

if you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window!

if two wrongs don't make a right, try three

borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to get it back!

there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can't. (Heheh...that's funny.)

if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?

if quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?'

whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

how is it possible to have a civil war?

if a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware?

Can you make a candle out of your earwax?

"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

Are marbles made of marble?

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back?

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put 'this side up' face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?

Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why does shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

If you're sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?

Which way does a compass point in space?

Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why are Pringles curved?

What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?

If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?

Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?

Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?

Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number? (intresting...)

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do
you call a girl that is named after her mother?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? (lol, Captain Terror...Gazzy...)

If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile Coyote keep buying their products?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?

Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it's really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?

Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?

What did Noah do with the wood peckers on the arc?

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright

until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. (As in me!!)

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something

right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be

stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the

fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those

who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he

will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

(1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

(2)Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

(4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
Are you done?
If so, scroll down
(don't cheat--)

THE ANSWERS
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you
love.
Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are
down.
3. If your initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to
blossom.
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If you were born in:
Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you
fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but
the memories will last forever.
July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life
changing experience for the good.
Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate.
5. If you choose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time
but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do
anything for you, but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.
8. If you choose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laidback person.
9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday.

PHOBIAS!!

Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.

Agateophobia- Fear of insanity. (It's too late for that.)

Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

Bibliophobia- Fear of books. (I totally don't have this one.)

Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.

Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors. (I would ask if everything would be black and white, but those are colors too...0.o)

Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch.

Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.

Ergophobia- Fear of work. (...Yeah, that sounds about right.)

Gerontophobia- Fear of old people.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. (...Whoever came up with that name is an evil genius. They are so totally my new hero!)

Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news. (These people have very depressing lives...)

Nomatophobia- Fear of names. (...So, how do you talk to them? "Hey...person! Come here!" Yeah, that'll work in a crowded room.)

Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything. (...no comment...)

How to improve at work: (Yeah, I love this one too.)

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100.

How about achieving 103? Here’s a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100?

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96

But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100

And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far this will take you...

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118

Think about it...and have a nice day at work.

A TRUE BOYFRIEND

When she walks away from you mad: Follow her

When she stares at your mouth: Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you: Grab her and don't let go

When she start's cussing at you: Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet: Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you: Give her your attention

When she pull's away: Pull her back
When you see her at her worst: Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying: Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking: Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared: Protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder: Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steal's your favorite hat: Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you: Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesnt answer for a long time: reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt: Back yourself up

When she says that she likes you: she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands: Hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bump's into you: bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret: keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes: dont look away until she does

When she misses you: she's hurting inside

When you break her heart: the pain never really goes away

When she says its over: she still wants you to be hers

When she reposts this bulletin: she wants you to read it

Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. - When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored or sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking babe?" (I especially like that last one. Now that's a good boyfriend.)

One of my favorite quotes of all time:

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me WEATHER
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about my Roots
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

In a dog-eat-dog world the best thing to do is become a cat. WAY ahead of the game on that one. _

If the good die young then the bad die old; thus leaving us with only politicans left.

Goldfish have the memory span of 3 seconds, sometimes i have to wonder if i'm a goldfish.

Sarcastic Sayings (Will be updated):

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionsals built the Titanic.

AAAAA-American Association Against Acronym Abuse

Advice is cheap!...supply always exceeds demand.

Any minute now I'll jump in with pointless observations.

Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.

Are you a bad side effect of my medication?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

As a matter of fact, I did sleep in these clothes.

At my age, getting lucky is finding my car in the parking lot.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. (No offense to any atheists out there.)

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. (Too true...too ture.)

Better to get forgiveness than permission. (That's one of my mottos!)

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:
-A billion seconds ago it was 1960.
-A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive
-A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
-A billion dollars only lasts 5 hours and 20 minutes at the rate Washington spends it. (Heheh...that's funny.)

Children is the gift God gives you, then he steps back and laughs.

Danger: Men thinking.

Dear Lord, so far I am doing all right. Today, I have NOT gossiped, yelled, been greedy, selfish, or self indulgent. I have NOT whined, complained, moaned, or binged on chocolate or junk food. I have charged nothing on my credit cards. I am going to get out of bed now Lord, and I will need your help to get through the rest of the day!

Don't interrupt me while I'm talking to myself.

Don't let your mind wander...it's too small to be out on it's own. (That should be a Happy Bunny T-shirt.)

Smile...tomorrow's just going to be worse.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?

Conscience is what hurts when everyhting else feels so good.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

It's easiler to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator. Never got around to it.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours. (Is it sad that it took me a minute to get that?)

I am having an out of money experience.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

A day without sunshie is like night.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. (For those of you that don't know, kleptomania is the irresistable urge to steal trivial things, like pens, paperclips, tape, etc.)

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

I'm not young enough to know everything.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beauticain.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Easily distracted by shiny objects. (That's so me!)

Thearpy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

Fred Astaire was great, but Ginger Rogers did everything he did, backwards, and in high heels.

Suburbia: where they tear down trees & then name streets after them. (I like that one. Even non-treehuggers have to admit it's funny.)

Everyone has photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

If you sued me, you'd owe me money.

Gone CRAZY! Be back soon.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personaility.

Happiness is...having a large, loving, close knit family, in another state!

Sometimes, I need something only you can provide: your absence.

I had some words with my wife - she had some paragraphs with me! (That's for all you guys out there.)

I feel so miserable without you, it's like having you here.

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on a disk somewhere!

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

I haven't been quite right since they took my blankie away.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two men are called a law firm, and that three or more are called a congress.

Marriage is the cheif cause of divorce.

I hate those construction barrels; they keep getting stuck under my car.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

I'd love to help you out! Which way did you come in?

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I'll try to be nicer...if you try to be smarter.

I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtains were up.

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not user friendly.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

I'm not driving badly...I'm just mult-tasking.

I'm so far behind, I won't be able to die for another 100 years.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Reader, suppose you are an idiot. And suppose you are a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

I've got more issues than a magazine.

I've stopped listening...why haven't you stopped talking.

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.

If common sense is common, why is there so little of it?

If I can't fix it...it must NOT be broken.

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research!

If you are taking a road trip remember - It's not the destination but the journey with screaming kids in the back that will drive you crazy.

Insanity is inherited - you get it from your children.

Let's hope intelligent life exhists in space. I'm so lonely here.

Just be happy I'm not a twin!

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Never go to bed mad. Stay awake to plot your revenge!

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so that he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Someday my ship will come. I'm sure I'll be waiting at the airport.

Some see the glass as half empty. Some see the glass as half full. I just want to know who is drinking my drink!

Too much month is at the end of the money.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of.

You shouldn't compare yourself to others...they're more screwed up than you think.

(On a Alcatraz T-shirt) Row faster. I hear banjos.

(On yet another T-shirt) My drinking team has a bowling problem.

(Let's just assume that all of these are on T-shirts until I say they aren't.) I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick.

"A government bit enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have." -Thomas Jefferson.

The police never think it's as funny as you do.

Cleverly disguised as an adult.

(On T-shirt with a chicken.) The tell me I have ADD. They just don't underst...Hey look a chicken!!!!

Arguing with you is like running a race in the Special Olympics, you may win but in the end you're still a retard.

I'd tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and I don't want to see you every day.

(On T-shirt with one of those red heart beat lines on the machines in hospital. There's a long line in the middle.) For a minute there, you bored me to death.

I got this shirt for my girlfriend. (Awesome trade) (I laughed when I saw this. Even if I'm a girl, that's funny.)

If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you just suck.

(On shirt with smiley with duct tape over mouth.) Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

I know karate, and like 2 other Japanese words.

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is NOT for you!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

(On a shrit with a stick figure on fire.) I tried it at home.

If a fat girl falls in the forest, and no one is there to see it...Do the trees laugh? (That's kind of wrong.)

(On shirt with tricycle) That's how I roll.

95% of all speices that ever existed are now extinct, so don't look so smug!

Ask me about my abilities to annoy complete strangers.

Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here!

Change is good. You go first!

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

I miss my ex but my aim is getting better. (On shirt with on of those aiming things you see on gun games.)

Department of Redundancy Department.

Don't make me viiolate my probation.

Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour.

Hard work is for people short on talent.

Half the people you know are below average.

Hobbies are for people who lack direction.

Humpty Dumpty was pushed!

I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.

I can't wait to procrastinate.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I don't have A.D.D. Your'e just boring me.

I don't know what makes you dumb, but it really works.

I give 100% 10% of the time.

I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

I hear voices...and the don't like you.

I know I should lift weights, but those things are HEAVY!

I like you best. I think I'll kill you last.

I never finish anythi

I put the fun in funeral.

I recycle. I wore this shirt yesterday.

I see dumb people.

If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

I'm a very good bad example.

I'm a ninja. (You can't see me.)

I'm immature, unorganized, irresponsible and loud. But I'm fun!

I'm in no shape to exercise.

I'm not cynical everything just sucks!

I'm not deaf. I'm ignoring you.

I'm not with stupid anymore.

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. (Aren't those the famous last words? I mean, that's what I say when I screw up.)

Let's be honest, you're a moron.

Jesus loves you but I'm his favorite.

Let's go do something stupid.

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.

To be honest, I'm a liar.

Pissing off the whole world, one person at a time.

Without me it's just aweso

(Written sideways) You look really stupid with your head like that.

Good girls just never get caught.

All men are idiots. I married their king!

I'm smarter than the president.

I am the future of America. Be afraid, be very afraid!

Born free, taxed to death.

I am one of 45 million Americans that don't care what you think.

Our only hope is insane leadership.

(shirt that has picture of Bush) Miss me yet?

"Government is the solution to our problem. Government is our problem." -Ronald Regan.

You can't fix stupid, but you can vote it out.

(On shirt with yoda.) My jedi skills you will like.

(Okay we're done with shirts...for now.)

Don't worry, I forget your name too!

I'm smiling. This should scare you.

The universe is laughing behind your back.

Mail your packages early so that the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

I'm not sure what's wrong...but it's probably your fault.

Whatever you do, don't congradulate yourself too much. You're not that good.

This isn't an office, it's hell with flourescent lighting.

If I throw a stick will you leave?!

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my cat.

Errors have been made, others will be blamed.

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done.

How do I set the laser printer to stun?

Fun Facts

The Bible, the world's best-selling book, is also the wolrds most shoplifted book. (That's ironic. Geez, those new believers. Don't they know that stealing is a sin? There already behind!)

The largest toy distirbutor in the world is McDonald's.

Cockroaches can live for nine days after having their head cut off. (Dang. Kind of makes you wish you were a cockraoch, huh? Those things are almost indestructable!)

Most lipstick is partially made of fish scales. (And people wonder why I don't wear make-up. I have just ruined the lipstick business.)

Ants never sleeep. (Wow. Talk about a major case of insomnia. For all of you complaining about lack of sleep, be glad you're not an ant.)

Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does. (Note to self: If you have to lose a lung, lose the left. Otherwise, you're very close to screwed.)

Buttermilk ddoes not contain any butter. (Whoever made that name drives the short bus. Forget riding it.)

Cleopatra married two of her brothers. (Geez. Talk about creepy.)

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. (For once, I have no comment on that.)

They have square watermelons in Japan-they stack better.

The first Fords had engines made by Dodge.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite. (Huh. There good to eat and they blow up stuff. Sweet!)

Thomas Edison, light bulb inventor, was afraid of the dark. (Why do you think he invented the light bulb? Duh!)

Over a thousand birds die a year from smashing into windows. (Those damn windows. Their just too darn clear!)

Ancient Eygptians slept on pillows made of stone. (Dang. And we complain about pillows made of feathers...)

In space, astronauts cna not cry becuase there is no gravity, so tears can not flow.

Owls are the only birds that can see the color blue.

Famous Last Words:

"Honey, watch this!"

"Uh-oh..."

"I've got this."

"Oh crap/(Insert cussword of your choice here.)"

"Look, no hands!"

"Am I missing an eyebrow?"

"It'll be fine."

"This is going to be awesome!"

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea..."

"Is it supposed to look like that?"

"I don't think it's supposed to do that..."

"What is that?!"

"Oh, he/she's perfectly harmless."

"I don't need an instruction mannual."

"Back off! I've got this!"

"I know what I'm doing."

Proof Reading Is A Dying Art:

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter. (I don't just blame the writer. I also blame the editor. It took him reading it two or three times before he realized he was reading the impossible!)

Something Went Wrong In A Jet Plane Crash, Expert Says. (And this is proof that the world is running out of good experts. It's a shame.)

Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jay Walkers. (I do believe that that is illegal. Wouldn't it be against their own law-abiding morals?)

Miners Refuse To Work After Death. (No. Comment.)

Juvenille Court To Try Shooting Defendant. (Well, it's more interesting than the traditional fair trial...)

War Dims Hope For Peace. (And you thought...?)

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly; It May Last Awhile. (We've got a genius in the house, people!)

Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures.

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide. (And I suspect they may be on to something.)

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges. (This is duct tape on steriods, people! Duct tape. On. Steriods. This is the future!)

Typhoon Rips Trhought Cemetery; Hundreds Dead. (Um...really? I mean...just...wow.)

Famous Last Words: Business Style: (http://web.mit.edu/randy/www/words.html)

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." -- Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"Who the h* wants to hear actors talk?" -- H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." -- 1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work.

"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." -- Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." -- Drillers whom Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist in his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." -- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." -- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872.

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

"No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris." -- Orville Wright. (Isn't he one of the guys who made the airplane. Aka, the "flying maching"?)

This, my friends, are all great examples of people eating their own words. So watch what you say. Because the moral of this story is to keep your big trap shut, or one day people might be makeing fun of the assumptions you make. And then who will look like the idiot?

Max's bike in Mute: http://www.motorcycles-review.com/motorcycle-large/yamaha/yamaha-motorcycle-006.jpg

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Nobody Knows by Hikaru-wa-shiawase-ni-eien-ni reviews
It should have been just like any other day after a successful show for Rachel Berry, Broadway Diva extraordinaire, but this night wasn't in the least and Rachel had no idea what to do after finding an unconscious and wounded cat on her apartment's doorstep that turns out to be more. Kurt was definitely going to kill her for sure this time. Or at least Santana would. Faberry AU
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 6 - Words: 31,914 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 150 - Updated: 4/23 - Published: 9/30/2014 - [Quinn F., Rachel B.]
Chances by angeljenz reviews
A chance meeting brings a new woman into Santana's life...Can she move on and make this work? Quinntana.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 61 - Words: 188,920 - Reviews: 660 - Favs: 225 - Follows: 484 - Updated: 4/15 - Published: 3/23/2013 - Quinn F., Santana L.
Instinct by xPaige Turnerx reviews
Set in New Moon before Alice came back. AU. A/B 'I felt like strangling her and kissing her at the same time. It was an odd feeling; two very powerful, and so very different emotions battling to win inside me.' R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 136,927 - Reviews: 832 - Favs: 712 - Follows: 982 - Updated: 3/19 - Published: 10/28/2010 - Alice, Bella
First And Goal by Rae Moore reviews
In order to escape jail time, Quinn has no other choice than to join McKinley high's football team. Faberry. G!P Quinn. Over done, I know, but whateves.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 60,086 - Reviews: 363 - Favs: 328 - Follows: 734 - Updated: 2/26 - Published: 5/6/2014 - [Quinn F., Rachel B.]
It's Not Like I Wanted This to Happen by icewaterdrive reviews
Quinn takes a very drunk Rachel home from a party...encounters the Berrys…and herself. This story contains a huge amount of Brittana and a lot of Puck.
Glee - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 99 - Words: 456,299 - Reviews: 3739 - Favs: 1,671 - Follows: 1,887 - Updated: 1/30 - Published: 2/12/2011 - Rachel B., Quinn F., Santana L., Brittany P.
Temporal Tide by Avanwolf reviews
AU. Heartbroken and lost, ripped from her home and turned against her will, Bella tries to learn what it means to be a vampire. Skipping through time, can a love a thousand years in the making come to fruition? Tanya/Bella Femslash. Time Travel.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 69,709 - Reviews: 1522 - Favs: 1,326 - Follows: 1,653 - Updated: 1/10 - Published: 4/10/2012 - [Bella, Tanya]
Hey it's You and You and You and Me by tehedward reviews
A series of related Faberritana one-shots. Established Faberritana, each chapter will tell a small story set within a larger universe. A brief glimpse into the 4 girls thoughts and feelings. Expect pov from all four girls as well as guest appearances from the rest of the gleeks :)
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 25 - Words: 83,864 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 276 - Updated: 12/31/2014 - Published: 12/5/2012 - [Rachel B., Quinn F., Santana L., Brittany P.]
The Knight and her Princess by Skye.Winter reviews
Little Quinn, a child of the streets with a hero complex, rescued Little Princess Rachel from being kidnapped. When offered a reward, she told the King that she wanted to be a knight. This story tells of Quinn's journey into knighthood and her relationship with the Princess that she had sworn to protect at all costs as her guardian, her friend, and maybe more? Faberry AU
Glee - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 18,252 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 239 - Updated: 12/17/2014 - Published: 1/22/2014 - Rachel B., Quinn F.
Goodnight From Me, Good Morning To You by CorvusCorvidae reviews
Quinn's nights of insomnia are filled with music and the alluring voice of one Rosario Cruz. AU. Previously titled 'In Love, In Fear, In Hate, In Tears'.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 13 - Words: 44,281 - Reviews: 257 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 234 - Updated: 10/24/2014 - Published: 1/10/2014 - Quinn F., Santana L.
An Urban Fairy Tale by Ms.Informed13 reviews
Rachel was going to NYADA for class when the unexpected happened and she finds herself in a sticky situation. "The man gave Rachel a hard push to the stomach, and the wind was knocked out of her lungs and she toppled backwards into the subway tracks. Her back hit one of the tracks and she was stunned for a moment before she came to her senses and tried to climb out." Faberry fluff
Glee - Rated: T - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 27 - Words: 51,887 - Reviews: 182 - Favs: 152 - Follows: 247 - Updated: 9/1/2014 - Published: 3/12/2014 - [Rachel B., Quinn F.] Kurt H. - Complete
Sweetie Pie's Bakery by the-littlest-pumpkin reviews
Future AU fic. Santana is happy living in New York, teaching music at a high school and living right around the corner from her two best friends; Brittany, and Rachel. Then some blonde chick comes to town with her stupid cupcakes of the Gods.
Glee - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 59 - Words: 234,444 - Reviews: 720 - Favs: 492 - Follows: 564 - Updated: 7/21/2014 - Published: 2/27/2012 - Santana L., Quinn F. - Complete
The Cullens did what! by JimmyHall24 reviews
The Denali sisters have learned that the Cullens not only exposed their secret but left the human behind in Forks. Having heard Alice and Esme arguing over whether or not to go back for her. The three sisters are on their way to Forks to speak to the girl. They're two options. Death or Vampirism. What they find breaks their hearts. Bella/Tanya/Kate/Irina and Alice/Victoria Femslash
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 28,984 - Reviews: 311 - Favs: 505 - Follows: 749 - Updated: 6/26/2014 - Published: 6/15/2014 - [Bella, Tanya] [Alice, Victoria]
Still Pink by Mele reviews
Epilog to Demons. In the wee hours of the morning Reid checks in with Garcia and offers what comfort he can, Reid style.
Criminal Minds - Rated: K - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,269 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 6 - Published: 5/17/2014 - D. Morgan, P. Garcia, S. Reid - Complete
Pandora's Box by Tattered-Petals reviews
In an attempt to help Spencer Reid clean his apartment, Penelope Garcia discovers he's still clinging to a painful demon of his past. With the help of Derek Morgan, can they set the genius straight? (WARNING: Major finale spoilers and past drug-use mentioned!)
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,543 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 6 - Published: 5/15/2014 - D. Morgan, P. Garcia, S. Reid - Complete
Rags and Riches by Lenetjie reviews
"I guess I'll go get your things then." Charlie said asked. "Unless you expect me to fetch it myself?" I jumped as her voice sounded right outside my door. I suppressed the urge to open the door and let it whack her for talking to Charlie like that. AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 54,960 - Reviews: 245 - Favs: 230 - Follows: 384 - Updated: 2/20/2014 - Published: 7/25/2011 - Alice, Bella
The Aurora Saga: Broken Aurora by Hollowgo reviews
AU. Haunted by her tormentor from the past, Bella Cullen has only wanted one thing: to find her soulmate. She may have just found that in the form of Alice Brandon, but what will the consequences be? Bella/Alice. Rated T for language and violence. COMPLETE.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 71 - Words: 409,061 - Reviews: 1630 - Favs: 839 - Follows: 821 - Updated: 2/4/2014 - Published: 9/10/2010 - Alice, Bella - Complete
Quinntana drabbles and one shots by bh9 reviews
The title says it all really. These are mostly prompts I've received on tumblr. There are the occasional non-quinntana such as judy!quinn but it will state the prompt before I write :) ENJOY x (Rated M just for future possibilities)
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,215 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 1/10/2014 - Published: 10/26/2013 - Quinn F., Santana L.
Top Dog to Top Pup by LexysK23 reviews
Werewolves live in Lima, the Fabray Pack. Someone hates them, so they use magic to change the pack's alpha, Quinn Fabray, into a puppy. Now the pack must find a way to reverse the spell and take care of their puppy alpha. Puppy!Quinn Faberry, Brittana, Pitty, Samcedes, Finley relationships. Friendships: Quintana, Fuinn, Quick, Fabrevans, Quitt. And more, Complete
Glee - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Friendship - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,965 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 11/15/2013 - Published: 9/22/2013 - [Rachel B., Quinn F.] Finn H., Santana L. - Complete
Magick by xPaige Turnerx reviews
AU. 'It's like I said; you're the storm. Now let me be the rainbow that goes hand in hand with it.'A/B R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 147,303 - Reviews: 694 - Favs: 499 - Follows: 561 - Updated: 9/11/2013 - Published: 11/9/2010 - Alice, Bella - Complete
Fallen by B. Silverbow reviews
When a new vegetarian vampire coven move to Forks, the Cullens couldn't be more surprised. That is, until they realise that one of the family isn't a vampire, but she sure as hell isn't human. Bellice fic. AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 25 - Words: 154,649 - Reviews: 1127 - Favs: 1,224 - Follows: 1,468 - Updated: 8/8/2013 - Published: 6/18/2010 - Bella, Alice
now I know that a breeze can blow me away by acid.glue234 reviews
"How do you coax an acrophobic out of a tree?" One-shot.
Glee - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,012 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 10 - Published: 8/6/2013 - Quinn F., Santana L. - Complete
The Life of Quinn Fabray in Frannie Fabray's Eyes by quinnthatsgay reviews
This is a story of Frannie Fabray and her baby sister, Quinn. And how Quinn fell in love with a deaf girl. Rated T to be safe.
Glee - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,469 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/19/2013 - Rachel B., Quinn F. - Complete
Soundproof by tenteitudonadadeu reviews
Faberry! Rachel and Quinn, from 6 to 16, from strangers, to friends, to lovers in 4 chapters. The reason why music means the world to Quinn, even when she can't hear it. AU- Quinn's deaf (not a sad thing)
Glee - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 15,541 - Reviews: 129 - Favs: 273 - Follows: 187 - Updated: 7/9/2013 - Published: 7/4/2013 - Rachel B., Quinn F. - Complete
Silent Sweetheart by EvangelVamp511 reviews
Bella is a child psychologist who has a soft spot for children of divorce. Edward is a concerned father of a two-year-old who refuses to talk. Will one sweet little girl bring these two together? OOC/Canon/E&BPOV
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 120,076 - Reviews: 682 - Favs: 895 - Follows: 666 - Updated: 4/5/2013 - Published: 1/29/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Island Paradise by Fangrules reviews
At the age of eight Max was shipwrecked and her family killed. Now she lives on an island far from any form of civilization. When a group of settlers come to her island she treats them as she would any other - as a threat - but it doesn't take long for her to realize they are special.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 38,525 - Reviews: 637 - Favs: 185 - Follows: 152 - Updated: 10/8/2012 - Published: 7/5/2010 - Max, Fang
Little Duckling by inkstainedpinky reviews
AU. Ugly duckling Lucy Fabray was picked on and bullied during her childhood years. Resurrected as gorgeous Hollywood swan and A-lister Quinn Lucas, she is content hiding behind a cold facade. However, Fate just might have other plans.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 184,788 - Reviews: 448 - Favs: 525 - Follows: 868 - Updated: 9/18/2012 - Published: 11/24/2011 - Quinn F., Rachel B.
Dumb and Ditzy by TimelessTears reviews
AU. Years of being bullied for his smarts left him dreading when people figured out he was a genius. What better way to throw them off then by acting stupid? Enter: Dumb Blonde Spencer Reid.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 13 - Words: 71,842 - Reviews: 607 - Favs: 1,615 - Follows: 534 - Updated: 8/10/2012 - Published: 9/22/2011 - S. Reid - Complete
Home is where the Heart is by Lil Q reviews
Max has had a tough life. Being exiled from the outside world, being tortured,it all takes its toll on our favorite Bird-kid. So what happens when she is pushed into a world of normalcy? Why is everything so familiar? Max is in for one heck of a ride.AU
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 31 - Words: 75,284 - Reviews: 314 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 7/15/2012 - Published: 8/17/2010 - Max
A Werewolf In The Making by Cheerfully Blue reviews
I love that Chloe and Derek are together, but I have always felt bad for Simon. So I decided to create a character just for him. Her name is Jessa. This story will include the main characters from Darkest Powers right from the start. Please read it's good
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 67,299 - Reviews: 153 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 6/5/2012 - Published: 5/18/2010 - Simon - Complete
Case Study by kitten2010 reviews
While studying old cases, Dr. Spencer Reid decides to help the only survivor of a child trafficking ring. He's finding out what it takes to be a father and learning the importance of family. Contains a Reid/OC relationship and one adorable little kid.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 48,123 - Reviews: 255 - Favs: 194 - Follows: 190 - Updated: 4/23/2012 - Published: 9/5/2011 - S. Reid
Orion's Law by HooahSergeant reviews
After a death in the family, Quinn and Rachel head back to Lima. Important introductions are made with surprising results. Rachel learns something dark about Quinn's past - and her reunions with certain people do not go as expected. FutureFic!
Glee - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 34,745 - Reviews: 151 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 4/7/2012 - Published: 12/12/2011 - Quinn F., Rachel B. - Complete
Just off the Key of Reason by ElsBells reviews
Faberry AU. Future fic. Rachel Berry is a successful Broadway star with a new roommate, the very odd, naive Quinn Fabray. It starts with a note on the fridge and a childishly scrawled doodle of an elephant. Everybody has a little crazy in them.
Glee - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 30 - Words: 129,400 - Reviews: 2195 - Favs: 2,544 - Follows: 1,200 - Updated: 2/11/2012 - Published: 11/21/2011 - Rachel B., Quinn F. - Complete
Will You Go Out With Me? by BrioScotty reviews
Prompted Rachel and Quinn have been friends for a while, Quinn realises that she's falling for Rachel and decides to ask her out on a date.
Glee - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,673 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 20 - Published: 12/29/2011 - Quinn F., Rachel B. - Complete
Needles and Cheer by Vnud reviews
Quinn's got a surprising winter break job. Rachel Berry happens to stumble upon Quinn by accident, which sets in motion events that will change their lives forever. Faberry Week prompt. Rated M for the hell of it, fluff not smut.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,066 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 10 - Published: 12/23/2011 - Quinn F., Rachel B. - Complete
Crashing Head On by HopelessRomantic79 reviews
Tempers flare and personalities clash as Bella cares for an injured Emmett, but does that hate translate into love? AU/AH.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 34 - Words: 103,916 - Reviews: 1347 - Favs: 1,020 - Follows: 385 - Updated: 12/16/2011 - Published: 8/21/2009 - Bella, Emmett - Complete
United at War by buffscoobs reviews
A fatal accident leaves Bella orphaned and adopted by an unlikely family. Now that family's being threatened by enemies, and they're sending Bella into hiding with friends. What happens when danger still follows her? AU story/contains Femslash
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 141,716 - Reviews: 421 - Favs: 687 - Follows: 434 - Updated: 9/28/2011 - Published: 9/12/2010 - Alice, Bella - Complete
The Wounded by Cassy27 reviews
AU - teenage Reid - When the BAU-team travels to Las Vegas, they are not getting any closer to catching their unsub. The case leads them to Spencer Reid, but they are unsure how he fits in. Is he their unsub or in danger?
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 9 - Words: 20,539 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 311 - Follows: 123 - Updated: 9/25/2011 - Published: 8/30/2011 - S. Reid - Complete
Broken Beat & Scarred by G3n3ralRedfield reviews
Quinn is far closer to the edge than anyone expected, but does anyone care enough to notice or ask why? an argument with Finn may be the last straw... Just my interpretation of things, please read the warnings before you read the story!
Glee - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,975 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 21 - Published: 9/14/2011 - Quinn F., Rachel B. - Complete
Do I Know You? by Momentarily Sane reviews
Bella was not Charlie and Renee's daughter, in fact she was born centuries before them. When moving to Forks she runs into our favourite vampire family, but how does she know one of them? And who is she running from? Why?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 11 - Words: 31,907 - Reviews: 332 - Favs: 441 - Follows: 292 - Updated: 8/29/2011 - Published: 3/9/2010 - Bella, Carlisle - Complete
A Different Path by Werewolf Cookies reviews
We know what happens to Chloe while she's a necromancer, but what if Chloe was a ... The Awakening, with Chloe being a different type of supernatural. Find out what the Edison Group did to her as you read my story.
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 33,629 - Reviews: 221 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 77 - Updated: 8/19/2011 - Published: 3/17/2010
Control by mortal-paralight reviews
Edward left Bella months ago and Victoria is still out there. But what happens when she gets to Bella and transforms her? Will Edward and his family come back to save Bella? And what will happen with Victoria? Will Bella be able to control herself? Read!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 21,040 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 7/3/2011 - Published: 4/16/2010 - Bella, Edward
Mother's Comfort by BlueLion20 reviews
Esme watches Bella one night. Esme and Bella bonding. The second chapter is up. Esme's POV now.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,218 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 6/19/2011 - Published: 5/13/2010 - Esme, Bella - Complete
Maximum Ride: Feel the Music by SarahBelle96 reviews
I hummed the tune and smiled as the calm feeling flowed through me. I slowly started to play my guitar. The melody sounded just about right. I took a deep breath and began to sing. . . SongFic! All human! Max's life as a human! FAX! Plz R&R! Thanks!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 58 - Words: 103,680 - Reviews: 1549 - Favs: 360 - Follows: 217 - Updated: 5/22/2011 - Published: 9/28/2009 - Max, Fang - Complete
Beautiful When You Don't Try by itwasadream reviews
Future fic. Written off of the prompt: Quinn is an up and coming photographer charged with photographing the award winning Rachel Berry. Faberry goodness. M rating for later chapters.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 111 - Words: 480,072 - Reviews: 3759 - Favs: 2,597 - Follows: 780 - Updated: 5/5/2011 - Published: 9/2/2010 - Quinn F., Rachel B. - Complete
Window Seat by SugaKane01 reviews
Jack gets a minor injury while Spencer is watching him and Aaron reacts badly. Jack is fine, but will Spencer and Aaron's relationship recover from the damage done? Hotch/Reid Slash...so you know boys kissing boys.
Criminal Minds - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 13,282 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 465 - Follows: 54 - Published: 4/23/2011 - S. Reid, A. Hotchner/Hotch - Complete
Tough, Sarcastic, and Beautiful by ArtIsOurAmmunition reviews
Having federal agents as parents has its ups and downs. The up is the definitely the thrill and adventure. The down is that here in California, things started to go wrong. Really wrong. And somewhere along the line, I managed to fall in love...FAX!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 13 - Words: 23,588 - Reviews: 246 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 142 - Updated: 3/16/2011 - Published: 6/30/2010 - Fang, Max
You Have the Right to Remain Silent by BookHunter reviews
Fang has been on the run for years, when the FBI finally catch up to him. Surprised, they see that he can be a valuable tool. A new case comes up involving a dangerous man named Riley Jones...and Maximum Ride? What happens when Fang ends up catching Max?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 95,748 - Reviews: 931 - Favs: 266 - Follows: 250 - Updated: 3/3/2011 - Published: 4/18/2010 - Fang, Max
Untouchable by ElspethGordie reviews
Bella, broken and hurting, escapes to Phoenix for a new beginning, and to pick up the pieces from her destroyed life. How long until Bella's past catches up to her? AH, Canon pairings
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 31 - Words: 148,373 - Reviews: 516 - Favs: 545 - Follows: 359 - Updated: 2/1/2011 - Published: 4/9/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Newborn by Bloody-Mad reviews
A half-vampire child is found by the Cullens in a forest. Her name is Bella. As she spends time with the Cullens she grows and learns and loves, but will she ever learn of her gruesome past? Will she want to? HIATUS pple, sorry bout that.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 20,377 - Reviews: 276 - Favs: 237 - Follows: 204 - Updated: 1/20/2011 - Published: 7/9/2009 - Edward, Bella
Snapshots by bodyandsoul reviews
A series of one-shots about our favorite group of genetically-altered supernatural teens.
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 17 - Words: 30,036 - Reviews: 184 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 1/18/2011 - Published: 4/1/2010
The Haunting by Eletha Landon reviews
Still on the run, meeting new supernaturals, and being in love, but... something is following Chloe. Nothing is normal, not for the human world or the supernatural. Chloe wonders... in her reality, are there no happy endings? Continued from The Reckoning.
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 28 - Words: 96,652 - Reviews: 573 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 131 - Updated: 12/31/2010 - Published: 5/15/2010 - Chloe S., Derek S.
The Consanguine Mind by Pipsy reviews
Repost. In an AU where Reid never joined the team, a case sends them to Nevada where his mother is a victim. As the team befriends him and the profile comes together, the UnSub and a dark secret is closer than they think. FINISHED! Previously 230 reviews.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Angst - Chapters: 13 - Words: 66,281 - Reviews: 142 - Favs: 754 - Follows: 95 - Published: 12/31/2010 - S. Reid, D. Morgan - Complete
My Future in Your Hands by jomarch05 reviews
Future fic. Quinn is a doctor trying to make up for all her past mistakes and Rachel has everything she's ever wanted but losing the one thing she needs. Starts with friendship and ends with love. Now with Epilogue :
Glee - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 18 - Words: 43,854 - Reviews: 375 - Favs: 428 - Follows: 162 - Updated: 12/7/2010 - Published: 10/13/2010 - Quinn F., Rachel B. - Complete
The Maximum Betrayal and Revenge by purplewing reviews
When Max is kicked out of the flock she is taken by the school.While she is there they video tape her every time they test her and send it to the flock.Will the flock help the ex leader?Or is the new leader going to say no helping Max! Please review!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 18 - Words: 19,193 - Reviews: 302 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 105 - Updated: 11/29/2010 - Published: 1/23/2010
The Beginning of the End by BookNerd7 reviews
When Max's parents perish in a horrible house fire, she is sent to Arizona to live with her birth father. Max's heart is broken and closed off from everyone. Fang, her next door neighbor, tries to break through. What will happen? A/U Fax On Hiatus!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 24,307 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 11/29/2010 - Published: 7/8/2010 - Max, Fang
Snapshots 1: Camping by Azurevi reviews
This is a sequel to What Binds Them, read that first because A it is awesome and B some of the events referenced here will not make sense. Everyone goes camping but the woods hold more than just trees; necromancy and werewolves and romance oh my!
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 33,737 - Reviews: 174 - Favs: 128 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 8/25/2010 - Published: 8/6/2010 - Chloe S., Derek S. - Complete
Face Down by And-Your-Point-Is.542 reviews
Max's boyfriend is an abusive jerk. Does she dump him for a way better guy that's actually nice? Who helps her get over him? It might sound unoriginal, but please give it a chance. There's also music 'cause music is my thing. All Human. R&R
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 26 - Words: 21,645 - Reviews: 198 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 8/25/2010 - Published: 4/10/2010 - Max, Fang - Complete
Wonderful Words by Airazena reviews
Max refuses to speak about her past as she moves to Arizona to live in her new foster home. She struggles with her memories and her past until Fang helps bandage her up. All Human, Sophomore year.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,189 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 7/28/2010 - Published: 7/1/2010 - Fang, Max
Confessed by emilymurphy reviews
What happens when Kit tells Simon and Tori that they're related? Read and review please.
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 8,861 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 7/17/2010 - Published: 5/23/2010 - Tori, Simon
Daddy by xxIceCrystalxx reviews
When Max discovers that she's pregnant, she has no choice but to leave the flock. Six years later: Something terrible has happened to Max and her daughter has to find the family that she doesn't remember. The family she's not even sure will take her.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 15 - Words: 14,330 - Reviews: 258 - Favs: 110 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 7/15/2010 - Published: 10/1/2009 - Complete
The Akward Andventures of the Safe House by Sapphiregorgeus reviews
What was I doing? I saw her coming closer, no- that was me closing in on her.I could feel my jaws'opening up,my heart was pounding,I couldn't control my body,I tasted blood."CHLOE!"* Derek is becoming less human what will happen when his 3 days r u?
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 62,679 - Reviews: 139 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 5/29/2010 - Published: 3/8/2010 - Chloe S., Derek S. - Complete
The Quiet Ones by Wraith Ink-Slinger reviews
Anyone watching Reid in an interrogation room knows it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. Oneshot.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,106 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 472 - Follows: 56 - Published: 5/26/2010 - S. Reid - Complete
Werewolves in the Park by WhisperedWords12 reviews
One Shot. Derek's point of view when they first meet Liam and Ramon. I did my homework, so it should be pretty good. Please Read&Review. :
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,323 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 7 - Published: 4/18/2010 - Derek S., Chloe S. - Complete
What Binds Them by Azurevi reviews
At the safe house Chloe has been trying to have as normal of a life as she can, but problems with her powers throw a wrench in her attempts. With only the boys as trustworthy allies she and a certain moody werewolf will have to work together to survive.
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 78,183 - Reviews: 558 - Favs: 357 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 4/10/2010 - Published: 3/7/2010 - Chloe S., Derek S. - Complete
The Nightmare by Saxyad18 reviews
Set during Eclipse. As Esme sits home one evening, Bella struggles through another nightmare. Will this give Rosalie a chance to overcome some of her issues with Bella, or will their relationship continued to be strained? One-shot from Esme's POV.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,860 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 211 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 1/11/2010 - Published: 4/25/2009 - Bella, Rosalie - Complete
A Taste of Family by LoraLee2 reviews
This is set after A Taste of Home but you don't need to read that one first. Reid's father is in an accident leaving him with temporary custody of his teenage sister.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 39,546 - Reviews: 228 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 190 - Updated: 8/22/2009 - Published: 8/10/2008 - S. Reid
Survival of the Soul by Lady Saffir reviews
The trauma suffered by Bella for three years has left lasting mental scars. Surrounded by the support and love of the Cullen family, Bella begins to grow and finds out there is more to life than simply surviving.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 22 - Words: 92,467 - Reviews: 1217 - Favs: 982 - Follows: 1,111 - Updated: 8/19/2009 - Published: 11/5/2008
The Sound of Silence by hopeisabluebird reviews
AU AH Carlisle and Esme keep foster children in an attempt to bring healing into their lives. When Bella comes, she's able to help without ever having to say a word... BxE
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 12 - Words: 22,477 - Reviews: 249 - Favs: 263 - Follows: 121 - Updated: 3/20/2009 - Published: 1/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My Brother's Keeper by REIDFANATIC reviews
Reid's father comes to Quantico asking for Reid's help for his thirteen year old son who has a medical problem. Relationships between Reid, his father, his halfbrother and his team are explored. ReidOC
Criminal Minds - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 30,589 - Reviews: 230 - Favs: 240 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 8/4/2007 - Published: 7/13/2007 - Complete
Little Boy Lost by Eligent reviews
The team is called out to find a serial kidnapper and murderer who targets young boys. But how far will the unsub go to find out what the team knows about him? And how far will one agent go to save a lost boy?
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Drama/Crime - Chapters: 4 - Words: 18,438 - Reviews: 214 - Favs: 679 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 8/1/2006 - Published: 7/29/2006 - S. Reid - Complete
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Under The Surface reviews
Max is an orphan that goes to live with the Martinez family. Can Fang uncover her past and what lies "under the surface"? It sounds like Is This Really Home, but it's different. READ!: This story is only partially AH! One flock member has wings! Fax!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 42,273 - Reviews: 299 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 1/10/2011 - Published: 5/21/2010 - Max, Fang
The Consequences of Leaving reviews
Lauren leaves the group after a surprise attack by the Edison Group, demanding Chloe goes with her. Months pass, and the group still hasn't see them. But what happens when they find Lauren knocking on their door at night needing help? After The Reckoning
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,937 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 11/11/2010 - Published: 9/17/2010 - Derek S., Chloe S.
On Our Way reviews
Max is in a band, and Fang soon joins. His dad offers them a recording deal they can't refuse. Follow them on their way to becoming famous! A lot better than it sounds. Can Fang help Max with family issues? Fax and Niggy or Eggy, haven't decided which.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,825 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 11/11/2010 - Published: 6/3/2010 - Max, Fang
Mute reviews
Fang's new neighbor, Max, was given vocal cord paralysis in an accident when she was younger. Max looks fine, but can Fang heal the broken part inside of her? Will they fall in love? Will Fang ever figure out what happened to her mysterious father? Fax
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 13,851 - Reviews: 154 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 11/11/2010 - Published: 6/8/2010 - Max, Fang
Max's Twins! reviews
Max left the flock for five years because Itex was hunting her down. When the flock learn she escaped four years ago, they go to her college to confront her. What happens when they find out she has twins? All Fang's POV. Chapter 5 is up! FAX!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 9 - Words: 16,271 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 11/11/2010 - Published: 5/12/2010 - Max, Fang
A New Kind Of Flock reviews
Max is a human-lupine-avian hybrid. The flock meets her when they're sent to a branch of the School. Will she help them escape? What adventures will follow afterwards? It's kind of a strange idea, but it has a good plot. Fax eventually. R&R!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 14,552 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 11/11/2010 - Published: 6/15/2010 - Max, Fang
On The Run reviews
This is as if Max didn't know the flock. What happens when the flock finds her injured one night, after she just blew up the School. The flock doesn't know the ropes to being on the run. Max does. Will she join them? Will Max and Fang fall in love?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 18,181 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 6/28/2010 - Published: 4/24/2010 - Max, Fang
Is This Really Home? reviews
Fang's next door neighbors adopt Max. He's the popular bad boy in school. She's the tough, sarcastic orphan. Will they get along? Will Max tell them how she became an orphan? First story, so suggestions are very appreciated! Chapter 18 is now up!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 19 - Words: 34,779 - Reviews: 447 - Favs: 227 - Follows: 187 - Updated: 6/27/2010 - Published: 4/20/2010 - Max, Fang
She's More reviews
Fang has just moved next to Max in Hollywood. Max is the tough bad girl that most people in school aviod. Is Fang different? Will he figure out her secrets? Both of them? Can he help save her? Chapter 14 is up!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 16 - Words: 24,838 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 6/26/2010 - Published: 4/22/2010 - Max, Fang