Hello. My name is Daniella Rose.
"I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible."
Really Dumb Store labels:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (WAIT? IT WILL??)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Really? I thought it cause wakefullness! Dang it!)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Yeah, your point?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
HOW TO PISS OFF INTROVERSTreat us like we are FRAGILE Act like INTROVERSION is an affliction Equate INTROVERSION with low self-esteem KEEP TALKING talky-person Assume 24/7 introversion So sorry but I can't help you with your computer UNDERESTIMATE US (at your own risk) SAY 'It speaks" after I made a point Give unsolicited communication ADVICE Make ANOTHER 'How to care for your introvert' graphic
IF YOU ARE NEW TO FANFICTION,
Here are my helpful hints:WHUMP is delicious. Savor it. ROMANANCE, het or slash, is hugely popular. For some reason. You WILL wish there is such a thing as bleach for your mind. Kid!fics, done properly, are adorable. If you don't know what Supernatural is, you will. If you can't picture the characters doing exactly what it says they do, it's OOC. Be NICE. And if you can't be nice, just leave the story. If you don't know what ANIME is, you will. REVIEWS are authors nectar, ambrosia, reason for drawing breath, motivation to get up in the morning, sky, clouds, sun, and world. Basically authors like to get them. Hint hint. SHIPPING is rooting two (or more, it is a fantasy, after all) characters to get together romantically. Never, EVER piss off shippers. If you don't know what CRIMINAL MINDS is, you will. If you aren't good at deciphering every portmanteau couples name ever devised, you better learn. FAST. AUTHORS NOTES, sometimes come at the beginning or end of chapters, are extremely helpful. And, on occasion, hilarious. If you think you'd like to read a work that isn't complete yet, look at the last time it was updated. If the date was more than a year ago, the author probably isn't going to finish it. If you don't know what HARRY POTTER is, you've been living on the moon for the last decade. ONE SHOTS are ONE chapter. That's it. It is a mystery why there is a WESTERN genre. Nobody writes for it. It is common for authors to promise virtual sweets in return for reviews. The cookies are a lie. CROSSOVERS are (hopefully) rather self-explanatory. AND, most IMPORTANTLY, NEVER EVER EVER-