Author has written 80 stories for Criminal Minds, CSI, NCIS, Being Human, Mentalist, Doctor Who, Batman Begins/Dark Knight, Sherlock, House, M.D., and Supernatural.
I reject your reality and substitute my own
Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass.
Killing must feel good to God, too... He does it all the time, and are we not created in His image?
You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you; he never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. It's not the worst thing that could happen.
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so too.
Take my love, take my land
Take me out to the black,
There's no place I can't be
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
Cleaned up the page a little bit more and I am happy to announce the not-so-triumphant return of my Ramble/Rants section. Sort of. Back by popular demand (and by that I mean, like, three PMs over the course of like a year...) is my Twilight rant, along with the possibility of other ramble/rants being added as well.
Anyway, this profile is still ridiculously long, so as always, if you are only here to see my fics, scroll all the way down or hit the 'hide bio' button at the top of the page to get there faster.
A BIT ABOUT ME:
"I aim to misbehave"
Location: Night Vale
Occupation: Stressed-out college student
I love writing, reading, science fiction, Greek mythology, pizza, coffee and pretending that I'm not totally inept at everything. I'm a supporter of Equal Rights for everyone, an atheist who believes everyone has the right to believe in whatever god or gods they want, a crime procedural addict and prone to write crappy, emo poetry that no one is ever allowed to read.
I love cold weather, angst, characters with daddy issues, bittersweet endings, tragic romance, and hate-ships. I've been known to be bitchy, sarcastic, and rude, insightful, rambling, and obsessive. Sam Winchester breaks my heart into little pieces and my fondest dream is to have my very own baby Hellhound.
I don't dance, I sing off-key, I annoy my brother and sister because I can, I hate bad writing and would rather eat cookie dough than the actual cookies. I am a proud Ravenclaw. I hate cheesy romance and stories that promote unhealthy and abusive relationships as the Truest True Love Ever. I write to the best of my abilities and am constantly struggling to improve upon my past efforts and learn from my mistakes, numerous though they may be.
I do not believe in TOLERANCE. I believe in ACCEPTANCE. People should never have to be TOLERATED, they should be ACCEPTED.
Since I've recently had the broadness of my above statement pointed out to me, allow me to make myself clearer. I believe in equality. In everyone having a right to their beliefs and opinions. I believe in differing viewpoints living together in a sort of harmony. I'm not advocating for extremist viewpoints to be agreed with or adopted by everyone. I'm not advocating for anyone to drop their own convictions and accept someone else's. I'm certainly not going to change my convictions and beliefs for the sake of making someone else happy. I am fully supportive of everyone having their own moral and ethical beliefs.
I'm not saying that deviant and foul behavior should be accepted--I assumed that that would be implicit, but I'll make it clear: of course I don't think that murderers, rapists, or pedophiles should be accepted or even tolerated. Any behavior or belief that calls for harm or denigration of a person or persons is, of course, wrong. That's my point. People should not be hated or victimized. People have a right to be treated with respect,whether or not they share the same beliefs or lifestyle that is considered "normal".
My statement was meant to be about bigotry and prejudice. People of certain genders, sexuality, belief systems, races or ethnicity should not be treated as though they are separate from the rest of humanity and that was my sole point in making that statement about tolerance and acceptance. To me, "tolerance" implies a separation; it's allowed to exist, but it is not exactly welcome. It had negative connotations, at least to me. "Acceptance" implies that it is welcome. Differing lifestyles and opinions should be welcome, they should be considered an intrinsic part of humanity. Part of what makes humans unique is our ability to form opinions and think logically. We're not just sentient, we're sapient. Those differing ideas and beliefs are what make us human. Of course there are some exceptions; I think most of us can agree that violence against fellow human beings is wrong and I am of course not advocating for such behavior to be accepted.
But no one deserves to be treated as a second-class citizen. I believe that the world would be a much better place if people of differing viewpoints and faiths, and with differing moral convictions, could discuss and debate their opinions respectfully and openly, without having to fear attack.
Hopefully that's clear enough.
Due to recent incidents, I feel the need to make this as painfully clear as possible:
If you have something to say to me, please send me a private message--don't post your thoughts about me, my beliefs, my profile or anything that has NOTHING to do with my stories in a review. Reviews are for letting writers know what you thought of the story that they wrote, NOT for you to get on a high horse and tell someone what they need to do/should do/what you don't like about them. If you wanna complain about me, please have the decency to PM me instead of anonymously reviewing. Thank you.
My Other Sites:
AO3 FanFiction account (I've got a lot of crossovers posted on here and anything that's "explicit" will be posted here as well from now on)
Blog (dedicated to all things Supernatural)
Facebook Page (dedicated to all things fangirlishly awesome. If you like Supernatural, Doctor Who, Buffy, Sherlock, The Avengers or impossibly gorgeous men - and women - you should totally stop by and like us! I co-admin the page with my best friend Beth):
Aaaand one quick plug for my awesome friend Laura (SlasherrGirl) and her fantastic blog "Ask the Geniuses" She's got the Doctor, Spencer Reid, Sam Winchester, Patrick Jane and Sherlock Holmes in the same TARDIS, travelling the universe together and some of the questions she gets are just awesome. You guys really need to check out this amazingness:
NOTE TO ALL READERS:
Because I've received a number of PMs asking about this, I figured it was probably a good idea to explain this on my profile. I have deleted the following stories from my account:
Before the Storm
The Wake of Tragedy
Embracing the Future
A Place to Call Home
So far they are the only fics that have gotten the ax, but there is a possibility that I will delete a few others.
To anyone coming here looking for these stories, I'm sorry. I am not reposting them. Please do not ask me to email you a copy of them, either, as I will say no. There is a very, very slim chance that some of these may be rewritten in the distant future, but I am making no promises and I wouldn't hold my breath.
However, there are some translated versions of a couple of these stories floating around out there and I'm not going to ask the translators to take their versions down. If you are interested, you can find a translation of A Place to Call Home here, in French. There is also a French translation of Before the Storm available . I really must caution you all that both of these stories are rated "M" and possibly warrant an "MA" rating. They contain torture, abuse, violence, rape and (in the case of A Place to Call Home) pedophilia. They are very triggering. Not to mention, I made several errors in researching and medical science. Please be aware that these stories are very rough and, in my opinion, nowhere near my best.
I really, really appreciate the support, comments, reviews (good and bad) that I received on these stories (and all my stories), but I couldn't let them sit the way they were. They were, frankly, not as good as I wanted them to be. I have soft spot for A Place to Call Home because it was my first real attempt at writing anything of great length and depth and it was extremely well-received, but it was riddled with errors and inconsistencies and I couldn't leave it up. Same goes for the others.
I hope this at least clears up some confusion about the disappearance of the fics.
Obviously, I do not own Criminal Minds, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, NCIS, Being Human, The Mentalist, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Batman Begins/The Dark Knight, House, M.D. or Supernatural. Believe me, if I did you'd all be running scared from the mental depravity and the probably uncomfortable amounts of guy-on-guy sex. Honestly, I just borrow them and play with them and even though sometimes they get a bit banged up and broken, I always return them to their rightful places and owners. I do not make money off of the stories posted here and also fail to see the need for a disclaimer at all. Isn't the fact that I'm posting on a fanfiction website enough to tell you that I do not in any way own these characters?
Nominations and Awards (FanFiction(dot)net):
Haunted – nominated Best Morgan/Reid Fic for Profiler's Choice Awards 2010 [STORY HAS SINCE BEEN DELETED]
Yesterday's Pain, Today's Anger – nominated Best Crossover Fic for Profiler's Choice Awards 2010
Me – nominated as Best New Author for Profiler's Choice Awards 2010
Dance Lessons – nominated Best Erotica for Profiler's Choice Awards 2011
Fractured Hearts & Lullabies – nominated Best Morgan/Reid Fic for Profiler's Choice Awards 2011
Huge thanks and many, many virtual cookies to all of my amazing, splendiferous readers who nominated my fics and or me! You guys are seriously freakin' awesome and I love you! And many congrats to all of the winners!
Demons Run – nominated Best Angst for Profiler's Choice Awards 2012
And huge thanks to those who nominated it! I love you guys!
Of Love Songs and Old Movies - nominated Best Morgan/Reid Fic for Profiler's Choice Awards 2013
As always, thanks so much to those who nominated me!
Even a Small Degree of Hope – ONESHOT
Across the Sky in Stars – MULTI-CHAPTER
Meet the Family – MULTI-CHAPTER
His Own Hell – MULTI-CHAPTER
Claustrophobic – ONESHOT
Wedding Bells – MULTI-CHAPTER
Internal Damage – MULTI-CHAPTER
Dads For a Day – MULTI-CHAPTER
Fragments – MULTI-CHAPTER
Where the Heart Is – ONESHOT
Satan's Hollow – MULTI-CHAPTER
Demons Run - MULTI-CHAPTER
Of Love Songs and Old Movies – MULTI-CHAPTER
(Note: These stories all take place in the same universe, but were NOT written in chronological order. This list, however, presents the stories in chronological order for those of you who want to read them that way. They can be read in any order you want)
An Even Match (1987)
Brotherly Love (1990)
A Reasonable Distraction (2004)
Casual Deductions (2006)
Chinks in the Armor (2007)
Interesting Friends (2010)
Even Heroes Fall (2012)
Secrets and Revelations (2012/2013)
Criminal Minds/Doctor Who:
(Note: This was going to be a large, very expanded universe. At the moment, however, I have decided that once I finish Armageddon and the prequel, He Is Risen, I will be taking a step back from these fics. I don't know if or when I'll return to them.)
Beauty, the Beast
Armageddon *In Progress*(Another Note: This story is a semi-AU version of the events that take place in the span of episodes "Utopia" – "Last of the Time Lords" and contains MAJOR spoilers. It is my take on "The Year of Hell". It is also a multi-fandom crossover that includes Criminal Minds, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Sherlock, NCIS, The Mentalist, Supernatural and Psych characters.)
Bad Moon Rising *revised, rewritten version of "Armageddon"; currently in outline stages.*
He Is Risen *prequel to "Beauty, the Beast"; currently in outline stages*
Writing is a very big part of my life. It's part of who I am. I have come a long way as a writer thanks to this site and the wonderful reviewers. I take my writing very seriously. I admit that I have a long way to go and I still have plenty of things to work on, but I am a hell of a lot better than I was three years ago.
This site has really been a wonderful learning experience for me - I've branched out into different genres and challenged myself to write things I never thought I could. I've gotten wonderful advice and praise and critique and learned so much about writing. I honestly cringe thinking about some of the things I've written in the past.
I write anything from angst, to fluff, from romance to horror. I'm not above killing off characters either. Though, I will admit that character death is the one and only thing I don't warn for. That is spoilers and I don't give away spoilers. However, I will make it absolutely clear that a story is going to be dark or angsty so really, that's fair enough warning if you ask me.
I am my own worst critic. I pick apart and obsessively analyze everything I write and, frankly, I'm usually not happy with it. There are only a few stories I've written that I have total confidence in as a writer. Sometimes, I'll write something and be happy with it, but the next day I find myself reading over it and wanting to set it on fire because I hate it that much. I am rarely fully satisfied with what I write, which is why constructive criticism is so important to me; I want to know when I screwed up and how I can work to fix it.
I welcome all forms of constructive criticism. If you see something wrong with one of my stories, please don't be shy. Point it out. Rip the story to shreds if you have to, as long as you're honest and objective and not rude about it.
I'd be lying if I said that negative reviews don't affect me, but I still appreciate the reviews that point out where I went wrong. It helps me to learn to correct the mistake and not make it again. If there's some time-line screw up, the characters seem OOC, the plot is falling apart, etc. point it out. I'll gladly take any advice anyone has to offer. That's not saying I'm going to write a story a certain way because someone asks me to, of course. It's my damn story and I'll write it any way I please. I'm not writing to please everyone and I don't expect everyone to love what I write. If just a few people like it, though, I think that's pretty damn good.
What I don't appreciate, however, are reviews that have nothing to do with the story. Do not review my story to tell me you don't like me. Do not review my story to tell me you don't like my profile. Do not review my story to tell me you disagree with something I said or did. Just don't. Send me a PM if it's that fucking important to you. Reviewing my story and not saying anything about the story will piss me off. Don't do it.
I don't ask for reviews to boost the review count. I ask for reviews to get opinions. I want to know what people thought about THE STORY. Not about me. Not about my beliefs. Not about anything else, but the story.
If you want to leave a comment about something I said in an A/N, that's totally fine, but if there is nothing in your review pertaining to the actual story then please just send me a PM. It'll make me a lot less cranky, I can tell you that much.
But I do ask, if you read my stories, drop me a review. I try to review every story I read (and I'm doing much better at that lately) and I would appreciate any thoughts you have on my writing. I don't care if it's one or two words. I don't even care if you just want me to update - at least then I'll know you're interested in the story. Just leave me a comment or two if you read my stuff. It will be greatly appreciated.
While on the subject of reviews, I'd like to thank everyone who does review my fics. I try to reply to reviews, but real life and busy schedules and things sometimes get in the way. Just know that even if I don't send you a PM thanking you, I read the review and I appreciate it and, really, thank you so much for taking the time to let me know your thoughts!
Also, please note:
I will ALWAYS put warnings in my summary and my Author's Note. You will never be left wondering. If a story has slash, rape, drugs, foul language, violence, is total crack, etc. I will warn you ahead of time so if you read it, it's your own damn fault.
I will NEVER write MPreg. It's totally cool if you're into that sort of thing, but I'm not. I don't like it. It's very, very rarely written to any degree of actual readability. I've read maybe two MPreg stories that I actually enjoyed--because the quality of writing was astounding and because they actually explained why the hell a man was pregnant. I don't read it often and I won't write it.
I will NEVER write incest. It's disgusting. No incest pairing is okay with me. I do not read it, I will not write it. If you enjoy it, cool. But don't expect it from me. Unless it's canon (which has happened), incest seriously bothers me. Actually, even canonical incest squicks me out... This is a complicated issue for me. I'm not saying it's wrong to write incest though, merely saying that it really, really grosses me out.
I will NEVER write RPF (Real Person Fanfiction). It feels incredibly invasive to me. Writing about fictional characters is one thing, but to write smut about two people who are actually real just feels like taking things too far. It's like some horrible invasion of privacy. If I were a celebrity and discovered people writing fanfiction about me, I would be horribly uncomfortable. If you want to write, that's your prerogative, but honestly, it makes me so uncomfortable.
I will NEVER abandon a story without due cause and warning. I have only ever abandoned one story and I am still working on getting that story back in publication shape.
I will read every single review I get. I love reviews, good or bad. As long as they aren't unnecessarily rude or inflammatory, I encourage and accept them with open arms.
(Fandoms I have written for are in bold; fandoms I've only read for are in italics.)
Criminal Minds – My first fandom and the one that I write the most for because of one wonderful, amazing character named Spencer Reid and the sexy beyond comprehension actor who plays him, Matthew Gray Gubler. *sighs* I am in love. This show is such fun to write for and I love it with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. Recent shake-ups in cast and all the ridiculous squabbling have left me a bit annoyed at some of the fans, not to mention my waning interest after season 9 (which I loved, just to be clear). I still adore this show, but I'm gradually feeling myself moving away from it.
Batman Begins/The Dark Knight – I absolutely love the "Nolanverse" (especially Heath Ledger's Joker, may he rest in peace). There are some fabulous fics on here for this fandom and I'm considering possibly writing a few for it myself. It's very tempting; I love the whole Joker/Batman dichotomy and would probably have way too much fun exploring that myself. But for now, I'm merely writing crossovers.
The Mentalist – I've written a few fics and crossovers for this one. It's an amazing show and I adore Patrick Jane to bits. He's such a complicated, dark, interesting character. And Simon Baker isn't bad to look at either :P Plus, he's one heck of an actor to pull of Jane's character so flawlessly that I can *feel* the emotions he's feeling. It's terrifying. Unfortunately, I had a falling out with the show after the reveal of Red John and the very anticlimatic takedown that followed. I've watched a few post-Red John episodes and they are just... not the same. I am sorely disappointed, but at least I still have the earlier seasons to love...
Harry Potter – I was at first hesitant to read HP fics, because JK Rowling's work is just so brilliant I didn't want to soil it. But the author's on here come up with some pretty interesting (and often twisted) plots and new spins of the characters that I'd never consider. I really hope to eventually write a fic for this.
Iron Man: Armored Adventures – I only read in this fandom, but there are a few ideas I've got tucked away (mostly exploring the whole Tony/Gene relationship). Maybe I'll write them someday, maybe I won't. All I know is that I love this show and there are some very good fics on here. I honestly haven't watched much past the return of Howard Stark, but that's mostly because I haven't had the chance. I'm woefully behind and also very unsure of my feelings on his ressurection anyway... Still. This is a great show.
Doctor Who – This is, without a doubt, the single greatest Science Fiction television show in existence. Seriously, I'm incredibly obsessed with the show and I have lots of ideas for fics. The Doctor is such a complex character and the show has such an amazing cast of characters rotating through it and the morals and messages are generally fantastic as well. I'm actually surprised to say this, but I believe 12 may have replaced 10 as my favorite Revival Era Doctor. (I'm still slowly making my through the Classic Era, but 1 and 7 are my favorites of what I've seen.) I'm not especially fond of any Doctor/companion romance and not a huge fan of Rose Tyler from series 2 onward... Donna and Rory will forever be my favorite companions.
Star Wars - I have some vague ideas of vagueness about potential fics for this universe, but mostly I spend my time scrolling through the archives to find new fics to read. I'm a fan of pretty much anything to do with Anakin/Vader and Luke's relationship--like I said, I'm a sucker for a guy with daddy issues and angst is my crack. I also love Han/Leia stories and Han/Luke friendship fics. I don't reach much EU-specific fics, except a few things with Mara Jade. I'm also a big fan of the Clone Wars era and adore Ahsoka Tano to bits. I am fairly ignorant when it comes to the EU--same goes to the DW EU as well, actually--but I do intend to get better acquanited with it. Given it's very dubious canonocity, however, I'm not in a huge hurry to do so.
Psych – Another amazing crime/drama, Shawn is HILARIOUS. Right now I'm just reading, the only thing I've written for it are the scenes in Armageddon, but I do want to start writing more for this fandom as well. Probably angsty stuff. And Shassie. (What? I TOLD you I watched TV with my slash goggles on, jeez!)
Torchwood – I started watching TW because of DW, obviously, but I haven't watched passed Children of Earth. Not even sure if I *will* because CoE was painful. Beyond painful, really. The only thing I've written for it are in Armageddon during the Year that Never Was, but I do have ideas. Right now, I'm just an incredibly nerdy fangirl, which isn't really all that surprising given my massive obsession with Doctor Who and my incredible love of Captain Jack Harkness ;)
Sherlock – Oh Laura, where would I be without you? Possibly far saner than I am at this moment. But then I'd also have probably never gotten to see the most epic Sherlock Holmes in existence. I *love* this show and the characters and just everything about it. Sherlock and John BELONG together, Mrs. Hudson is awesome, Moriarty and the Master could totally take over the world and… I am in love.
House– The only medical drama I watch apart from "Scrubs" if that tells you anything. I adore House and I love Wilson and the fact that the characters are all human beings who make mistakes and sometimes regret them, sometimes don't. The show is amazing and I love it and there is only one character I have any real issue with and that's Cameron.
Supernatural – This show... I will make my friends Laura and Beth pay for ever MENTIONING this show to me. Especially Beth, because she talked about it for years before I finally decided to watch it. And now my heart has been broken and rebroken and shattered and set on fire and... It's holding on by a thread right now. I'm dead inside. But I can't stop watching it. It's amazing. Yet terrible. Supernatural is the murderer of fangirls and I am emotionally dead inside.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe – Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, The Hulk, Guardians of the Galaxy... I've sort of become enamored with the new movies. I haven't picked up a comic book in years but I still have a strange obsession with superheroes. Especially Marvel (Batman is pretty much the only DC hero I like) and, well, Joss Whedon is involved so of course it's awesome. I love pretty much everything about these films; they are epic.
Merlin– Because Laura can't seem to stop getting me sucked into new fandoms... I'm in love with Colin Morgan and Bradley James. Thanks Laura, thanks so much. Merlin finished the job of shattering my soul that all those other awful fandoms started so long ago. So thanks BBC, you seriously fucked up my life.
Elementary- I was extremely pessimistic about this modern Sherlock Holmes crime/drama. However, in the name of fairness I gave the show a chance and actually love it. It's (thankfully) not a carbon-copy of "Sherlock" and the two shows are two very different types of shows. While I still maintain that the show would've been far more interesting had they cast Sherlock as a woman as well, Lucy Liu is fantastic as Watson and Jonny Lee Miller's Sherlock Holmes is very different from Benedict Cumberbatch's while still maintaining the same personality of the original Holmes.
Hannibal – I am severely in love with this show. I have scoured fanfic archives to feed my very unhealthy obsession with it. I was, I admit, a teeny bit skeptical at first, but holy hell is this show fantastic. I can’t even put it into words properly, but it’s just so fucking awesome. The movies were awesome and Red Dragon is a wonderful book and now this seriously amazing TV show happens and… I’m a bit light-headed from the amazingness. I've written several fics for this fandom, but all are posted on my rather than here.
Firefly - I finally broke down and watched this show. I had been safely avoiding it for years because I knew that it had been canceled after about half a season and I would be very upset once I'd watched it all. But then my brother bought me the DVDs... I am very upset. Damn it, how could FOX cancel such a fucking fantastic show?! It is not fair! I want more! I just know that if Joss Whedon had been able to continue the series it would have been fantastical. Hell, it is fantastical and there are only fourteen episodes and a film! I want more!!
The Twilight Saga
I’m sure some of you remember my very long rants about Twilight. Well, this is probably going to be another long discussion about the series as a whole and my opinions on it all. Hopefully, though, a little shorter and better organized. Before I get started I need to state this as clearly as possible:
DISCLAIMER: These are my opinions on Stephenie Meyer’s and only mine. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, both positive and negative. While I have nothing but contempt and loathing for the series, I understand that there are fans and that my opinion is not the only one. I’m not telling anyone what to think; I’m merely stating my own grievances against what I believe is a horrible stain on Young Adult literature.
I have read and re-read nearly everything that Stephenie Meyer has written – Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn,, , the outtakes and extras on , and the short story she wrote for Prom Nights from Hell. I've read Meyer’s “story behind the story” explanations for and . I've read several interviews she’s done; I've watched some interviews she’s done; I've read analysis and recaps of ; I've read large portions of The Official Illustrated Guide to Twilight and I've read extensive analysis and recapping of it as well. I've seen the film adaptations of Twilight and New Moon and have watched clips from Eclipse and Breaking Dawn (yes, I most certainly did watch the infamous birth scene). I have even read the on her site.
As such, my opinions are not misinformed. I have a very good understanding of Meyer’s characters and her canon. I have a very good understanding of Meyer’s intentions when writing this series and I have an extremely good understanding of her writing style. I’m not saying I’m an expert, but I am certainly not just some random Anti-Fan hating on Meyer or Twilight simply because I can. I have read and watched a lot of this stuff. I have broken it down and read many different analyses on the series. I know what I’m talking about and can back up my claims textually. I don’t condone anyone, at all, saying anything about the series or Meyer’s writing unless they have read the books themselves. If you haven’t read the books, you've got no reason to hate anything except the hype. Even just seeing the movies doesn't give you a good grasp on Meyer’s writing, even if you want to say that the story sucked.
Personally, I think that Stephenie Meyer is a juvenile, arrogant twit. She seems to be under the impression that her series is the Be All, End All of epic romance and has continuously misunderstood the point of several classic pieces of literature—most infamously Romeo and Juliet. She is, in my opinion, just as annoying, whiny and conceited as her character—and obvious self-insert—Isabella Swan. However, this is not about Meyer personally or my opinions on Meyer as a person. This is about my opinions on Meyer as a writer and that’s a very different thing.
As a writer, I think Stephenie Meyer, to put it bluntly, sucks. She has no grasp on how to tell an interesting story; her characters are flat and uninteresting—not to mention horrible—and her writing is shallow and often contradictory. If I may quote Stephen King, Meyer “can’t write worth a darn,”.
But I can’t just say that and leave it at that. I feel the need to explain myself and my opinions. So let’s get started. Here are my grievances against Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga.
(or lack thereof)
Twilight: Literally nothing happens for the vast majority of this book. Bella moves to Forks, meets Edward and a few chapters later has declared herself irrevocably in love with him. Oh and Edward’s a vampire who wants to eat her, but that’s apparently irrelevant to their True Love. They continue merrily on their way like that—with Edward occasionally interjecting the odd ‘I’m dangerous’ warning just because—until the very end of the book. Three random vampires arrive and one of them—James— decides he wants to eat Bella.
Edward flips his shit. James and his girlfriend start hunting Bella, sort of. The Cullens are complete morons who can’t figure out that seven is greater than two and Bella runs away because Edward refuses to fight. James finds them, tricks Bella (because she’s a moron) and Jasper and Emmett kill James while Edward does the impossible and sucks the already spreading venom out of Bella’s hand. Everything is fine, except that Bella now wants to be a vampire and Edward—for no real reason—says he will never turn her. Prom happens. The End.
New Moon: Arguably the most pointless book in the entire series. Bella turns eighteen and whines about it forever. The Cullens throw her a party—none of her friends or family are included because they’re icky humans—and she gets a tiny paper cut opening a gift, which sets off blood-crazy Jasper. Never mind that Jasper was fine being next to Bella while she was bleeding out in Twilight. Edward freaks out and decides to force his entire family to leave to keep Bella safe without talking to Bella or giving her any choice in the matter at all. He lies and says he doesn’t love her. We then get endless pages of Bella bitching and whining because Edward doesn’t love her anymore. Because Bella is an idiot, as I said, and honestly believed him when he told her that.
Bella is apparently in a coma for four months—no, seriously. There are FOUR BLANK PAGES in the book to show this—and eventually develops a disturbing habit of trying to kill herself so that she can hear Edward’s voice in her head. She starts using Jacob Black for this purpose and Jacob begins to fall for Bella. Bella, meanwhile, continues lying to and callously manipulating Jacob for her own personal gain. Jacob turns into a werewolf and avoids Bella because of this and Bella then transforms into Creepy Codependent Stalker and refuses to leave Jacob alone.
Eventually Jacob tells her the truth and Bella goes back to lying and manipulating as per usual. She then attempts to kill herself by jumping off a cliff and Jacob saves her (and NO, I am not joking. She jumped, started drowning, and did NOTHING AT ALL to fight it. She even flat out stated that she was ready to die because Edward was gone. Don’t try to bullshit me, Meyer!). Alice shows up and Bella forgets all about werewolves and Jacob. Through a series of idiotic, improbable events Edward learns about Bella’s suicide attempt and thinks it was successful and so decides to kill himself. Alice and Bella hop on a plane and through the magic of stupidity reach Italy JUST IN TIME to stop Edward from sparkling at people, which would (somehow) reveal the existence of vampires and thus cause the Volturi (vampire leaders) to kill him.
The Volturi tell Edward he must turn Bella, or else. But he can do it at his earliest convenience. No rush or anything. Bella once again cons and manipulates people, this time Edward and the Cullens, and they all agree to turn her into a vampire. Except Edward. For no reason, again. (He SAYS it’s her ‘soul’, but that quickly gets thrown out and forgotten so I’m ignoring it.) Edward proposes marriage; Bella freaks out and says no. Jacob is angsty and sad because Edward’s back. The End.
Before I go on to Eclipse, I want to pause here to bring up a few things about this book.
1) Meyer very obviously meant for New Moon to be a literary parallel to Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. She even mentions it several times in-text. Now, I’m not an expert on Shakespeare, but I have read Romeo and Juliet—it IS required reading for Freshmen in high school, after all—and I’ve seen film adaptations and I know the story. And I have to say Meyer completely missed the point of that play. R&J is not about True Love at all. It is not about romanticizing suicide—which is sickening and exactly what Meyer does in NM. R&J is about a stupid, horny teenage boy and a stupid, naïve teenage girl who mistook Lust for Love and caused a whole lot of people pain and eventually killed themselves in dramatic and stupid ways. It isn’t romance. It isn’t an epic, beautiful story of True Love. Meyer clearly believes that it IS.
2) This book had no plot. None. It was, according to Meyer, the book where Jacob went from a plot device—which he was in Twilight—to a full-on Love Interest. Except that doesn’t happen because Bella never falls in love with Jacob. Jacob is and always was Bella’s second choice. The guy she’d settle for if Edward wasn’t there. And even with Edward gone, most of Bella’s thoughts revolved around him. Her actions—the dangerous stunts she pulled to hallucinate and her manipulation of Jacob to get that fix—clearly indicate that she was refusing to get over Edward. Nothing of any note happened here except Jacob turning into a werewolf. This book could have been cut down to a third of its size and combined with the next one and would’ve been much better.
3) One thing I didn’t mention in the summary was Victoria, James’s vengeful mate. I didn’t mention her because she was not present and had little purpose except to be an invisible threat. She was not scary, she was not interesting, and she was not even there. The main villain had so little impact on the story that I decided not to mention her at all and nothing about the plot summary changed. That’s sad.
Eclipse: Oh boy. This book… well. Let’s just say it’s the book that really made me hate pretty much everyone in this series.
Jacob is no longer speaking to Bella because she’s back with Edward. It’s not because he realized she was a lying bitch who manipulated him for months, though. He doesn’t hate or blame Bella for that at all. He’s just upset that Bella’s dating that douche bag Cullen.
Ostensibly, the plot of this book is that Victoria, in her quest for revenge, decided to build an army of newborn vampires to punch through the Cullen’s defenses and get to Bella. Victoria’s efforts to create this army are evident in a string of brutal, violent murders and disappearances in Seattle that are holding the city in terror.
These murders are literally brought up in the very first chapter of the book and Edward very pointedly informs Bella that the thing killing people is a newborn vampire who is out of control. Then everyone promptly ignores it. And this keeps happening. The murders are mentioned in passing and then forgotten. A vampire—unknown to the Cullens or the werewolves—breaks into Bella’s room and steals a shirt. This is promptly forgotten. The plot is right there, staring at them all, and is completely ignored. Worse still, the Cullens eventually figure out that it’s more than one newborn in Seattle and still ignore it. They speculate, they discuss, and then forget about. At least, until the threat is clearly against them. They seriously do not lift a finger or even bother until they realize that Bella and their family are the targets. They don’t even pass this information along to the werewolves—who are supposed to be the vampire killers—until it’s too late to do anything except wait for the army to attack them.
This book had a plot, but it was completely ignored. It was pushed into the background and deliberately forgotten in favor of focusing on how Jacob suddenly turned into a giant dick—because, you see, he’s a Love Interest now and cannot remain the mostly-decent teenager he was before—and how infuriatingly abusive and controlling Edward was in his refusal to let Bella do anything he didn’t want her to do.
Edward really ramped up the creepy in this book and Jacob just went full-on passive-aggressive sexual predator. He sexually assaults Bella twice. And don’t say he doesn’t—he forcibly kisses her once and laughs when she tries to fight him off, and then he emotionally manipulates and blackmails her into kissing him a second time toward the end of the book. He says things like “you totally liked it” and “you love me deep down” to excuse it, which is disgusting and VICTIM BLAMING. But that’s another rant. The army shows up and the Cullens and werewolves team up to fight it—it’s an easy win and a quick fight that we NEVER SEE because Bella isn’t there. Meyer doesn’t write action, you see.
Edward quickly and easily kills Victoria, and Bella stands around like an idiot. Bella and Edward literally negotiate a deal in which they will get married, as Edward wants, so long as they have sex, as Bella wants, and he can give her cars and money, as he wants, and he will turn her, as she wants. It really is that emotionless and makes me think of prostitution. Edward’s a giant dick and sends Jacob an invitation to the wedding to gloat about the fact that he got the chick. Jacob is an angsty little bitch. The End.
Breaking Dawn: Ah, this book. This book is easily the most infamous in the series, and with very good reason. It’s awful. It’s pointless. It’s anti-climatic. It’s disgusting. It’s as horribly written as the others and it’s ridiculous and infuriating at the same time.
Bella and Edward get married and go off on their honeymoon on the private Island that Carlisle bought for Esme for apparently no reason since they don’t use it. Bella and Edward have sex (and it is Beautiful and Magical and Better Than Your Filthy Sex) and Bella immediately becomes pregnant with the demon spawn.
The pregnancy is obviously abnormal and freakishly accelerated. Edward freaks out and wants Bella to get rid of it, but Bella is just so in love with the Spawn that she enlists Rosalie’s help to protect it. Which is kind of terrifying because she seriously expected Edward for force her to have an abortion in spite of her wishes—even worse is that she was right. Edward was going to force her to abort the pregnancy with Carlisle’s help until Rosalie stepped in to protect her. Jacob was also on board for the whole “strap her down and force her to get rid of it” plan. That’s just… No. I'm not even going to bother pointing out how sick and vile that is.
Then we skip over to Jacob’s POV and he spends over two hundred pages whining because he didn’t get Bella and it’s awful and stupid and annoying. Bella has the Spawn and Jacob imprints on it. Which is sickening and disgusting and vile and a lot of other words that mean horrible. Then we switch back over to Bella’s POV. Bella is a vampire now and has zero problems with blood-lust or thirst or anything because she’s Just That Awesome. There are hundreds of pages of NOTHING happening.
Bella just keep talking and talking and never shuts up. Alice has a vision of the Volturi showing up to kill the Spawn. Alice and Jasper leave and Alice tells NO ONE her plan because she’s an overly dramatic little twit. The Cullens spends months gathering vampires to their side while the Volturi very, very slowly make their way to Forks—seriously. Why does it take them an entire month to get there? They stand around and do NOTHING and Bella angsts and whines and moans and WILL NOT SHUT UP for the entire time.
The Volturi show up. Bella develops even more awesome abilities and then Alice returns with another half-vampire kid to prove that the Spawn isn’t dangerous or an illegal immortal child. The Volturi leave and there is no fight, in spite of the fact that the Volturi are supposed to be EEEVIL and Aro wants to wipe out the Cullens—except Alice, Edward and probably Bella—because Reasons. Because, again, Meyer doesn’t write action. They all live happily ever after. I threw up in my mouth. The End.
So, you see, what little plot there was in this series was contrived, stupid, random and/or entirely sickening. Meyer told us a story about a bratty, entitled seventeen year old girl who met a vampire and saw her ticket to sparkly, rich immortality and latched onto him and his family. In the end, she gets everything she ever wanted and sacrificed nothing at all. Bella never cared about anyone other than herself, in spite of the many times she claimed she did. She only ever mentioned other people’s problems in relation to her and how they made her feel. There is no real conflict in this series except the contrived and the stupid and most of it could have been solved quickly if the characters weren’t complete morons or if anyone had, at any point, ever heard of a damn cell phone.
Isabella “Bella” Swan: Bella is one of the most self-centered, shallow people I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading about. She tries to sound deep and mature, but she fails horribly. She constantly makes judgments based on physical appearance and her entire worth is tied into her beauty and her (false) lack thereof. She is a pathological liar—often she will lie for NO REASON. She says she’s a bad liar and says she hates lying, but does it ALL THE TIME. She is also condescending and bratty—she throws tantrums when she doesn’t get her way; she talks down about her parents and school mates and snottily mentions how Oh So Mature she is at every available opportunity.
She is, in a word, FAKE. Everything about Bella Swan is false. She constantly fakes her emotions and spews lies at every turn. She says one thing and thinks another. She claims she doesn’t love Edward for his beauty, but his beauty the thing she constantly emphasizes. She is manipulative and cold and sometimes downright terrifying. Especially in NM, where she went from slightly obsessive in her “love” of Edward to full-on serial killer levels of obsession in her determination and wish to be a vampire so that he couldn’t ever run away again. Not to mention her sickening obsession with Jacob and her manipulation of him. Bella Swan is a sick, twisted, selfish individual and I, quite frankly, HATE HER.
Edward Cullen: If Bella was sick, Edward is worse. Where Bella is emotionally abusive, obsessive and manipulative, Edward is all those things and then some. Edward says he loves Bella and claims he cares about her well-being, but he doesn’t have the decency to do the one thing he should to keep her safe: STAY AWAY FROM HER. He knows he should, but doesn’t care. He decides he is going to do what he wants, no matter the cost to Bella—and don’t say he doesn’t. That’s taken right from his own mouth in Twilight, and in Midnight Sun we get it confirmed from his thoughts.
Edward is also completely psychotic. He has killed HUNDREDS of people and does not feel bad. He ran off and killed people for a few years and feels little to no remorse for this. He says he was killing “bad” people and being a vigilante, but that DOES NOT MAKE IT BETTER. It’s never okay to play God. It’s never okay to decide who lives and who dies. It’s wrong, Meyer, and you can’t excuse it because Edward was only killing “bad” guys. He was doing it because he wanted to eat people. He wasn’t doing it to save people or to try and make the best of his vampire situation. He’d been a vampire for ten years when he ran off—he was just tired of Carlisle telling him what to do and ran off to KILL PEOPLE. Because he WANTED TO. Do you know who else killed and ate people he deemed “bad”, Meyer? Dr. Hannibal Lecter! That’s sick. That’s wrong.
And that’s not even bringing in Edward’s controlling behavior. He made sure he had control over every aspect of Bella’s life. To when and where she lost her virginity, to what car she drove, to who she could hang out with. Plus, he’s an asshole. He’s rude and condescending and holds humanity in contempt and thinks that he is the most awesome thing ever. He’s as arrogant and egotistical as Bella. I loathe him with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.
Jacob Black: In Twilight Jacob is hardly worth mentioning. Meyer herself has admitted that Jacob was originally nothing more than a device for Bella to find out about vampires. In New Moon he was supposed to be a Love Interest, but he wasn’t. What he was, however, was a mostly decent teenage boy who had a crush on Bella and was usually sweet and sometimes funny. He had a few moments of douche bag behavior—that trip to the movies with Bella, Jacob and Mike, anyone?—and seemed incredibly dense given how he didn’t see Bella’s lies and manipulation for what they were, but for the most part he was okay. Nothing special.
In Eclipse, Jacob suffers massive character assassination. He stops being that mostly decent teenage guy and is suddenly a cocky dick with a penchant for emotional manipulation, blackmail, and sexual assault. He only gets worse by Breaking Dawn. In BD he is whiny, angsty, self-absorbed and awful. By the end of it all Jacob has been turned into another version of Edward—he’s a jerk, he’s selfish, he doesn’t view Bella as a person and he’s eager to KILL Edward. And he doesn’t want to murder him because Edward’s a psychotic vampire, but because Edward got Bella. He claims he loves Bella, but he is only interested in one thing: sex. Much like Edward only being interested in controlling Bella, Jacob has no other interest in her. She is a prize to be won. I hate him, too.
Carlisle Cullen: Now this is an interesting conundrum. According to Meyer, Carlisle’s Super Awesome Vampire Power is his compassion and love of humanity. This is apparently supremely rare for Sparklepyres. Carlisle is the ONLY Cullen to have never killed anyone and he’s also never consumed human blood. He’s also a doctor and puts aside his burning thirst to help people and save lives. When I put it like that, Carlisle sounds damn near saintly, doesn’t he? Too bad it’s bullshit.
Carlisle is probably one of the creepiest Cullens, right behind Edward. Or maybe even in front of him… Carlisle spent a long time living with the Volturi and Word of God says he admired their “civility”. Need I remind you that the Volturi were EEEVIL and also ate people? Yeah, Carlisle ADMIRED them. Not only that, but Carlisle is friends with a whole lot of people-eating vampires and he turns a blind eye to it. We’re talking about MURDER here, guys. He just ignores it and the only restriction he gives is that they not feed near Forks because that would expose the Cullens.
That’s an awful, selfish reason to ask that, first off, and second off: IF HE’S SO COMPASSIONATE AND LOVES HUMANS SO DAMN MUCH WHY DOESN’T HE INSIST THAT WHILE THEY’RE IN FORKS THEY ONLY EAT ANIMALS?! Eating animals instead of humans is not a big sacrifice, despite what Meyer claims. It’s “unappealing” to vampires—and that’s Word of God straight out of the Guide. Basically it’s like eating broccoli instead of eating cake. You can’t expect me to think Carlisle is awesome for eating his broccoli, Meyer. That’s idiotic.
But Carlisle’s creepy goes deeper because Carlisle got lonely. He apparently wanted a companion and what does he do? He finds this seventeen year old boy who is DYING and he turns him into a vampire because his mother—delirious from fever and dying herself—begged him to do everything he could to save her son. That was Edward. Then he finds Esme, who had thrown herself off a cliff and clearly wanted to DIE, because her baby died. He changed her as well—WITHOUT HER CONSENT AND CLEARLY AGAINST HER WISHES. Worst of all is Rosalie. He found her beaten and savagely raped, dying in the street and thought “She’s so beautiful! I can’t let such beauty go to waste! Maybe Edward will take her as a girlfriend!” and changed her, once more without her consent and against her will. He changed Emmett because Rosalie wanted to save him and Carlisle hoped Emmett would make up for the fact that he ruined Rosalie’s life.
Carlisle never once asked for permission. He never explained what he was doing. He picked dying people—two of whom had been through severe emotional trauma on top of the physical trauma—and turned them into monsters WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. Because he was lonely. Carlisle is a twisted, sick, fucked up individual and I despise him. He makes me want to puke.
Esme Cullen: Is not worth mentioning. She has very few lines, does nothing but act motherly and be demure and prim and proper. She’s pointless and hardly featured at all.
Emmett Cullen: I’ll be honest, guys, I like Emmett. I think Emmett is awesome. I think he’s funny and interesting and his approach to life is pretty fantastically epic. He likes cars and sports and sex and he isn’t afraid to admit it. He’s bold and loud and, really, one of the smartest Cullens—he’s the one who keeps suggesting they just fight the vampires in Seattle; he’s the one who suggested they fight James and Victoria head on in Twilight and he is utterly unconcerned about the Volturi and their threats. Emmett is Awesome.
Rosalie Hale-Cullen: Rosalie is a tricky one. On one hand, she is tirelessly vilified by Meyer in the books. She’s put down for being blonde and bitchy and shallow—in spite of the fact that Bella is the shallowest bitch in the whole series—and we’re clearly not supposed to like her. She’s got an awful back-story—the aforementioned beating and gang-rape that killed her—but it felt like just an awful plot device. Which is WRONG. You do not use rape that way. Meyer never once tried to think of how the attack on Rosalie would have affected her character.
To make it worse, Rosalie goes through so many character transformations it’s not even funny. She’s bitchy and shallow and hates Bella and wants to kill her in Twilight and Midnight Sun. In New Moon she’s (somehow) vindictive and bratty for telling Edward about Bella’s death (even though that whole situation was ALICE AND EDWARD’S FAULT and had nothing to do with Rosalie at all). In Eclipse she’s still shallow, but now she hates Bella because Bella has a womb that can make babies and she wants babies. In Breaking Dawn she’s motherly and protective—in a terrifying way—of the Spawn and still baby obsessed. By the end of BD she has been utterly reformed and now loves Bella and is her BFF because… I dunno... Bella had the Spawn? Her character makes little sense at all.
However, I LIKE Rose. I can see the potential for how amazing her character could be in the hands of a better writer and I like her. We have wonderful moments of characterization for her that make me want to know more. She likes working on cars and isn’t afraid of her sexuality and owns her beauty and is blunt and opinionated and everything Meyer thinks women shouldn’t be. If she’d been developed properly and her story had been given the right attention she could have been epic.
Alice Cullen: Alice is a female version of Edward. She’s pushy, self-centered, bratty and completely uncaring about other people’s feelings. She throws tantrums when she doesn’t get her way; she is emotionally manipulative; she wants everything to be about HER. She’s one of the most wasteful creatures I’ve ever seen and flaunts her money and fancy clothes like nobody’s business. She is a fake, whiny little bitch. She’s pretty much all the worst parts of Edward and Bella combined into one tiny, falsely cheerful THING. I can’t stand her. She’s all happy and twirling and dancing and giggling and completely annoying in a way that makes her more irritating than Edward. Not to mention her STUPID power that makes no sense and only works when the plot demands it.
Jasper Hale: *starts to talk* *stops* *starts again* *stops* *drumming fingers* *sighing heavily* Okay. This is… difficult. First, let me explain what Meyer wanted Jasper to be: Jasper is supposed to be the Cullen with the most trouble reining in his blood-lust. He’s got to work hard to stay on the All-Animal diet. Word of God says he pretty much only does it for Alice and doesn’t care that much for the other Cullens. Jasper is supposed to be thought highly of for his struggle and for doing oh-so-well in not murdering people. He’s supposed to be one of the Good Guys. He’s a hero. *drums fingers* *shakes head* Jasper is not a hero.
Jasper is the creepiest Cullen (aside from the Spawn). His answer to most problems is to kill people. He uses his power—which is LITERALLY to twist people’s emotions into what he wants—even when he doesn’t need to and in Bree Tanner he was clearly using them to try and manipulate the situation so that he could KILL Bree. Jasper is psychotic. He is terrifying. He’s fucking creepy. He would make an excellent villain and thus, I love him. I know I shouldn’t, because Meyer clearly intended for Jasper to be a GOOD GUY. But he is so creepy, so horrifying and so downright sadistic that all I can see when I look at Jasper is the guy who should’ve been the series’ villain. Jasper and Alice working together as the villains would have made so much sense and would’ve been a far more interesting story than what we got. I honestly do not understand how Stephenie Meyer wrote Jasper Hale and seriously expected us to view him as one of the heroes.
Renesmee “Nessie” Cullen: Nessie is Bella and Edward’s Spawn. She is Perfect with a capital P. She was born with a fully aware, adult mind. She grows at a rapid rate, and will stop growing once she’s about seventeen years old in PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. She will be approximately seven years old at this point. She will then never age again. She is Smarter Than You, Prettier Than You, Better Than You and she has creepy mind-rape powers in which she can literally shove her thoughts into your mind with just a touch. She is so beautiful and wonderful and perfect that she’s in the Uncanny Valley. The only defense against the Spawn is to KILL IT WITH FIRE. She has no personality. She exists only as a creepy little plot device and may as well have been a sparkly rock for all the difference it makes. I’m convinced this thing is the Anti-Christ. For the sake of humanity, it needs to die.
The Werewolves: Yeah, I’m not doing individual spots for them all because, for the most part, they’re all interchangeable and useless in the text. Meyer clearly did not care much about the wolves. Aside from a few select scenes, the werewolves don’t get much screen time and sometimes I wonder why they were even included in the story. Meyer is very obviously biased and in fact often downright racist with the wolves. I really have nothing to say about them outside of Jacob and Leah and Seth. Yeah, not even Sam gets his own spot here.
Leah Clearwater: Since I mentioned her, I may as well bring Leah into play. I LOVE Leah. Leah is badass. She is a woman who had her entire life turned upside and stolen from her. Her fiancé runs off with her cousin – who was like a sister to her – with no explanation. Then she is turned into a werewolf IN FRONT OF HER FATHER according to the Guide. Her transformation shocked her dad so much that he had a heart attack and DIED and this also caused her little brother, Seth, to spontaneously transform into a werewolf as well. She discovers that she no longer has her period and is therefore infertile. She has to be around her ex-fiancé and cousin ALL THE TIME and was actually IN THEIR WEDDING. Her life is completely destroyed and everyone – and I do mean EVERYONE – treats this girl like shit. They think she should just get over it. She shouldn’t be upset and bitter. She should just MOVE ON because clearly Sam and Emily didn’t mean to hurt her and all that awful stuff that happened isn’t really that important. EVERYONE treats Leah like shit and she does relatively little to deserve it except retaliate for their awfulness. She is one of the few characters to tell Bella what an awful, manipulative bitch she is. She’s a strong, kickass, powerful woman. I LOVE Leah.
Seth Clearwater: Seth is Leah’s little brother. I’ll be honest guys, I like Seth. I think he was cute and funny. HOWEVER, even Seth treats Leah like shit, which is doubly awful considering she 1) Is his sister, and 2) Does nothing but try and look out for him and take care of him. Seth is really awful to Leah a lot of the time – nothing unique to the books, but it stands out because they’re siblings. If it hadn’t been for how Leah’s treated by everyone else I would have just brushed aside most of it as sibling arguing. I know how siblings act around each other – I’m the oldest of three kids and have both a little brother and a little sister. I know arguments happen, teasing happens and that sometimes siblings can be downright cruel. It wouldn’t bother me so much, honest, if Leah weren’t the character that EVERYONE shits on. It wouldn’t bother me so much if Seth and Leah’s father hadn’t just died a few months prior. Since all of that is true, though, all I can say is that Seth needed a good slap in the face several times for how unappreciative he was of Leah and her efforts to watch out for him. I also loathed the purpose of Seth in-story as well. Meyer used Seth as the werewolf who got over his “unreasonable” prejudice against the supposedly Saint-Like Cullens and Seth is a serious kiss-ass. He does a whole lot of talking about how awesome the Cullens – most especially Edward – are. It’s disgusting and I hate that.
Charlie Swan: The much-abused, unappreciated father of Bella Swan. Charlie (for some reason) loves Bella. And I liked him. For the most part, Charlie is an okay character – except when Meyer deliberately makes him stupid so that he won’t notice or question the Almighty Bella. Charlie’s supposed to be a cop, but there’s no way a man this unobservant could ever be a police officer. Charlie pretty much only existed for Bella to shit on and for Edward to condescend to when they felt like it. As such, he’s hardly even a character at all.
Renee Higginbotham-Dwyer: Bella’s mother. She’s only got a handful of scenes throughout the ENTIRE series and Bella only thinks about her when she remembers she exists or when she’s pretending to be selfless. Renee is even less of a character than Charlie.
Bella’s Human ‘Friends’: Barely worth mentioning. They existed solely to kiss Bella’s ass. And for Bella to condescend to. Bella shits on her ‘friends’ even more than her parents. They aren’t real people; they’re cardboard cutouts of the people that Meyer went to high school with and, as such, are worthless and completely meaningless.
The Volturi: Once again, I’m not doing separate parts for Aro, Marcus, and Caius. They are getting lumped together – partly because they get little characterization (does Marcus even COUNT as a character?) and partly because Meyer lumps them together most of the time in-text anyway. So. The Volturi are the EEEVIL vampire leaders. They are EEEVIL because… err… because… Well, they’re EEEVIL, I know that. I mean, look at them being all… Italian? All, uh… old? All… creepy? Yeah, I got nothing. Other than enforce the law (which is, you know, their job) and eat people I don’t know what the Volturi really did to be EEEVIL. Eating people can’t be it because all the Cullens – except Carlisle and technically Rose – have done it. All of their vampire friends have done it. And upholding the law can hardly be construed as EEEVIL.
According to the books and Word of God the Volturi, particularly Aro, are “power hungry”. Except that I don’t know WHAT power they’re talking about. It’s never explained AT ALL. Aro is a “collector” and finds vampires with rare powers and stuff to join his legions and… stand around, or something. Honestly, I don’t know. They weren’t threatening. Everyone went on about how scary they were, how EEEVIL they were, how they were going to kill them all, but… They gave the Cullens multiple chances to turn Bella; they gave them a chance to explain the Spawn situation, and then left when it was over. They are clearly doing well at their job, what with how the vampire secret hasn’t gotten out and that’s what they do. (Though, honestly, humans would have to be rock stupid not to have figured out that vampires are real since these vampires are really bad at blending in.) I do not understand why we’re supposed to fear them or hate them at all.
Victoria: Ah, Vicky. James’s pissed off mate. I’m listing her before James because I’m going in order or importance. Victoria was barely mentioned in Twilight and rarely even called by name. She was usually referred to as “the female” and was mostly an afterthought. Bella hardly paid her any attention and we got maybe two or three sentences describing her before we moved on and she was pretty much forgotten. In New Moon she was supposed to be the big, invisible, scary force, but she wasn’t because… we never see her and hadn’t really seen her before so why are we scared of her? Bella goes into hysterics and is about to piss herself in fear of Vicky, but we never had any basis for this fear and nothing textually backs it up except that she’s a vampire and, well, Bella knows a lot of vampires so why is this one so frightening?
And the thing is, Victoria is the only villain who had a semi-decent motive. The Volturi are “power hungry”, but we don’t know what power or even WHY. James was apparently a fucking idiot. Victoria? She was pissed because the Cullens killed her boyfriend. That’d make a decent motive if done correctly. Except she’s mad at Edward specifically for killing James, in spite of the fact that Jasper and Emmett did the killing and Edward did nothing. Her fixation on Bella, therefore, makes little sense at all. And she’s seriously stupid. Really, really stupid.
Her whole newborn army plan was needlessly complicated and pointless. There were any number of times when she could have attacked and killed Bella – particularly in New Moon when Edward and the Cullens were gone. (That trip with Jessica to the movies? Or even the one with Jacob and Mike? Bella was unprotected and away from the werewolves’ patrolling areas. Victoria could’ve had her easily!) Plus, she figured out how to trick Alice’s stupid powers and never used that to kill Bella even though she totally could’ve. She’s an idiot, really. And also: she had two, maybe three scenes in the ENTIRE series and only a few lines as well – all of her lines spoken in her death scene, I might add.
James: Even stupider than Victoria – and far less understandable – is James. James, Victoria and Laurent (who is not worth a character blurb of his own) were a small little coven who heard the Cullens playing their physics defying baseball and wanted to join in. Then James smelled Bella and THEN he realized that Edward would – ostensibly – defend her and inexplicably decided that he wanted to kill Bella. Apparently James likes a challenge. Or maybe wanted to die. A challenge would be James being an excellent fighter and taking on two – MAYBE three – vampires and winning. Possibly four with Victoria’s help. But James taking on all SEVEN of the Cullens just to kill one random human? Just… WHY? It makes NO SENSE. And neither does his apparent “tracking” ability that Meyer NEVER explains. The Volturi even have their own tracker, too, but I still don’t know how it works. Vampire magic? Hoodoo? It’s GPS isn’t it? Seriously, I’ve got no clue how James’s tracking thing works. Is it her scent? Because all vampires do that and it’s not special. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. What I do understand is that James was not scary and the only reason he nearly killed Bella is because Edward’s a coward and the Cullens can’t count.
Hell yes, imprinting gets its own special little section all to itself. Because imprinting is sick. It’s twisted and vile and it disturbs me more than words can describe. Meyer has gone on about how she emphasizes choice and free will in her books and I have to say that she is a LIAR. Not only is her bullshit about Bella making a “choice” between Jacob and Edward—Bella never had to “choose” because she KNEW she wanted Edward and there was no competition—a big fat lie, but the fact that she claims that ALL her romantic pairings are like that is an even bigger lie.
Let’s look at the mechanics of Imprinting, shall we?
The Quileute Werewolves imprint on their Destined One True Love Forever And Ever with one look. It’s literally the most creepy version of Love at First Sight that you can imagine. Because imprinting? It’s all about breeding. When a werewolf imprints on someone, it means that that someone is the person most suited to bearing his children (we’re not bringing Leah into this because she’s barren and Meyer hates her so she can’t have a Destined One True Love Forever And Ever) and continuing on the werewolf bloodline.
Doesn’t that just sound disturbingly animalistic? I’m not joking when I say that Meyer reduces the werewolves—who are PEOPLE even if they do turn into giant wolves sometimes—to animals in some of the most disgusting racism I’ve ever seen.
For the Imprintee, Meyer claims that they have the choice to ignore the Imprinter, but how could they turn them down when they are Destined One True Loves Forever And Ever? Seriously, she says, in-text, that of course the girl will get with the werewolf! How could she resist that level of adoration? Well, I’ll tell you how. By calling the cops. Because the imprinted werewolf? He is literally incapable of staying away from the girl he imprinted on.
No matter what she chose, or how she feels about the guy, the werewolf is in physical pain from being apart from his Imprintee. He will fawn over her, stalk her, spy on her, and obsess over her. She can say no all she wants, it isn’t going to change how the werewolf if effected and, being a puny human, there’s nothing she can do to fight him off. She pretty much HAS to say yes. What happens when they don’t? Well, ask Emily, because she turned Sam down at first and they started fighting and he ripped off half of her face. So yeah, that’s fun.
The werewolf who imprinted also gets a delightful personality overhaul. He loses whatever made him, him and becomes whatever the girl wants him to be. He is no longer his own person and is literally compelled to become the most perfect mate he can be for his Destined One True Love.
And this is where things get really sick… because imprinting has no age limit. Yeah, apparently, because werewolves are pretty much ageless and immortal the age of their imprint is irrelevant. I mean, hey, the Imprintee will grow up eventually, right? And the werewolf isn’t aging any. It’s not like they’re going to have sex until she’s of age, right? That’s makes it totally okay.
No it does not make it okay. Nothing will EVER make that okay.
That is sick. That is disgusting. That is WRONG.
An example from the books? Quil and Claire. Quil imprinted on Claire when she was TWO. Now, they insist that Quil does not view Claire in a sexual light and will be whatever she needs—which at two is apparently a nanny-slash-brother. They continuously remind us that, no, Quil isn’t going to have sex with Claire while she’s a kid. No, that’s for when she’s older. Never mind how disturbing it is that Quil will first raise her from a toddler and then one day will have sex with her. Never mind that that reeks of CHILD GROOMING. Never mind that every time they say “it’s not sexual!” you can almost hear the “yet” tacked onto that sentence because, in spite of Meyer pushing the whole “choice” thing, everyone expects Claire to just spread her legs and get ready to pop out babies as soon as she’s legal.
Seriously. Doesn’t anyone see how SICK that is? Because, my GOD, that is disgusting. That is vile.
An even worse example of this is Jacob and the Spawn. Jacob imprinted on the Spawn when it was just a few minutes old. And once again, everyone keeps saying “It’s not sexual!” YET. And they keep saying it and saying it and emphasizing it and it doesn’t make it any better. Know why? Because the Spawn? Will be physically mature at age SEVEN. She will be seven years old when she’s grown enough—PHYSICALLY—for them to have sex.
Please say you see the problem there? Because that’s four times as squicky as Quil and Claire.
I also have to question Jacob imprinting on the Spawn at all. Remember, imprinting is about breeding and carrying on the werewolf bloodline. The Spawn is half-human, half-vampire. Why would he imprint on something that was an entirely different species? And furthermore, I’m fairly certain that the Spawn can’t even get pregnant, so how on earth is this supposed to be about breeding? It makes zero sense, on top of being disturbing. And I can tell you EXACTLY why it happened.
Because Meyer has an idiotic need to pair up everyone and Jacob didn’t have his Destined One True Love Forever And Ever. So she had Bella pop out the Spawn and gave it to Jacob as some sort of sick consolation prize or something. Seriously. It’s really, really horrible.
Vampire Sparkling: The sparkling makes absolutely no sense. Why do they sparkle? I’m not just saying it’s stupid for vampires to sparkle—it is, but that’s not my point. My point is that it serves no PURPOSE. Meyer forgets about it and handwaves it away so often in-text that it might as well not exist, so what gives? Why do they sparkle? What is the purpose of it? These vampires are supposedly science based, and therefore have to follow an evolutionary path. Except that Evolution must’ve been drunk and not paying attention when it was working on the vampires because they make NO SENSE. I ask again, WHY DO THEY SPARKLE?
Vampire Childbirth: In interviews Meyer has stated that vampires cannot have children. In-text Meyer has stated that vampires cannot have children. The main problem Rosalie has with being a vampire is that she was robbed of her chance to have a baby because vampires cannot have children. And then in BD Meyer tossed all that out the window and had Edward knock Bella up because Bella must be a mother, because having babies is the most important thing a woman can ever do and she must do it or she is worthless.
There are multiple problems with this, not the least of which is that Meyer flat out LIED to people when asked about vampire’s having children. She said NO. She said vampires cannot have kids and she KNEW she was lying. She could have declined to answer, or just answered honestly and said they can. But she didn’t. She LIED.
Issues in canon are that, well, this violates her established canon for the first three books. In fact, a lot of BD violates things she’s stated or had happen in the first three books. With vampires and babies, specifically, she excused the Spawn by saying that vampire females cannot have babies, but vampire males can impregnate a human female. Because, you see, men don’t have to worry about being too old to have children. Their magical man juice is ALWAYS viable. They don’t go through physical changes that render them unable to make babies because men are always ready to shoot off sperm.
First, that’s bullshit. Men can have low sperm count. Their sperm can have low motility. As men get older they have to deal with issues that make it difficult for them to make little babies. Second, Word of God says that ALL vampire bodily fluids turn to venom during the transformation. That means Edward no longer HAS sperm. He’s got venom. Bella should have started her magical transformation as soon as Edward shot his load into her. Third, Word of God also says that Edward only had one viable shot of sperm—just one.
Never mind that that is utter BS. Let’s say that IS true. So Edward’s had this one last shot of jizz just sitting there for nearly a century. He’s been a vampire since 1918 and has NEVER, not even once, had sex or even masturbated. Not only is that stupid—and makes Edward look extremely repressed—but after that long? His sperm are dead and useless. Never mind that Word of God ALSO says that vampires do not have a circulatory system. Without that, Edward can’t even GET an erection. So even if the venom could have acted like blood and pumped into his sparkly dick to get it hard? He didn’t have the circulatory system to make that happen. What does Meyer think causes boners? Her vampires shouldn’t even be able to have sex, let alone get someone pregnant. It’s literally NOT POSSIBLE.
Vampire Venom: The venom makes no sense. And I don’t mean the fact that vampires are venomous doesn’t make sense—I could get behind that as an idea. I’ve seen it done a couple of times and it’s a really interesting idea. My issue is that the venom is STUPID. First, the venom makes up EVERY bodily fluid in vampires.
This makes no sense because different bodily fluids have different purposes. Blood does not do the same thing that bile does. Stomach acid, mucus membranes, spinal fluid, tears… they all have different functions and are made of different substances because of this. Venom is not that versatile. How does it perform the functions of every single fluid in the human body? Second, the venom in the skin cells is what Meyer says causes the sparkling—the cells are rigid and full of venom and makes them all glittery. This venom eats through contact lenses. It eats through make-up—which is why vampires don’t wear concealer to hide the sparkling.
Here’s a question: if the venom is so potent that it can eat through things that come in contact with their skin then why doesn’t it eat through their clothing? Why are vampires able to touch humans without the venom hurting them? What would happen if a vampire touched someone who had an open scratch or something? Wouldn’t that result in the person being turned without even being bitten? And also—if the venom is in their saliva how the HELL did Edward prevent Bella from getting it in her mouth when they kissed? How did he prevent venom transfer when he was putting his mouth all over her hand and sucking James’s venom out of her after James bit her? Seriously, Bella should’ve been a vampire a LOOOONG time ago.
Third, the venom is supposed to be something that keeps the prey in place while the vampire feeds. Why? Why do vampires—who are super strong and fast—need something to keep their prey in pain to stop them from fighting back? That seems pointless. And furthermore, WHY is the thing that keeps their prey in place also the thing that transforms people into vampires? Seriously, how does venom do all of these things? What the hell is it made of?
Vampire Skin: Vampire skin is supposedly rock hard. Or, more accurately, diamond hard. That’s pretty damn hard. Inflexible, even. So, um… how exactly do vampires move? Their skin is diamond hard and extremely difficult to crack or break—in canon Meyer claims only vampire teeth or werewolf teeth will do it, though I’m 100% sure that bullets, grenades, missiles, etc. would do it just as well. These vampires are pretty much marble statues. They really shouldn’t be able to move. Human skin is soft, permeable and flexible—that’s why we can move (well, that and our skeleton and muscles). Vampire skin is so hard it’s not going to be flexible—there won’t be any give unless they start chipping bits off and cracking. So HOW do they move?
Vampire Powers: All that stuff about vampires being all scientific and logical? Yeah, forget that. Now we’re gonna learn all about how vampires have magic powers. Alice can see the future. Why? Well because she was mildly psychic as a human. Yeah, there are psychics in this world, apparently. Which means magic is real. Jasper can manipulate people’s emotions. How? Well apparently he had psychic charisma or something as a human. Edward can read minds. Jane can inflict pain with her mind. Kate is a walking tazer. There’s a vampire in BD who is apparently some sort of mutant from the X-Men—or maybe just the next Avatar—because he can bend all the elements to his will. Zafrina can create illusions in people’s heads. Alec can shut off the senses of entire groups of people. Marcus can—for some ridiculous reason—sense the power of relationships.
Those are just a few vampires with powers. In Twilight Meyer said that vampire powers were rare. In Breaking Dawn she introduces a butt-load of characters and a lot of them have magic powers. Most are not explained. It makes no sense and I don’t understand how these vampires got these powers. We don’t get any real explanation. Meyer says that vampire powers are merely an accentuation of some strong aspect that the vampire had as a human. How does an aspect of someone’s personality allow them to be able to bend elements? How does it let you numb people’s senses? How does it turn you into a tazer? HOW DOES THIS BULLSHIT WORK? I want a proper answer, because this makes zero sense.
The Werewolves: My issue with the werewolves isn’t their strange mechanics that somehow allow normal teenage boys to age rapidly to twenty-five and then stop forever. My issues aren’t that it’s impossible for a teenage boy—no matter how tall he is—to explode into a wolf the size of a giant bear. (Which IS impossible—the Law of Conservation of Mass says so.) My problems aren’t that somehow having longer hair as a human makes them have longer hair as a werewolf and yet Leah doesn’t have longer hair as a wolf in spite of being a girl and thus having longer hair than most of them. My problem isn’t that they’re telepathic for no explainable reason whatsoever.
No, my problem is that these wolves come from an ancient line of magical Native Americans who could eject their souls from their bodies and travel around the “spirit realm”. My problem is that these werewolves are magic. The vampires are (supposedly) purely science based. They are grounded in our reality and Meyer does her best to try and explain them in scientific ways. Then we get to the werewolves and our explanation is that they are magic. You cannot do that. You cannot mix science and magic like that because it doesn’t work and it doesn’t make sense. It is lazy writing—not to mention vaguely racist, once again—and it’s incredibly stupid. No. This is not how you combine science and magic logically. There’s not logic here at all, there’s just Meyer pulling stuff out of her ass and not caring that it doesn’t add up because she’s too lazy to put any real effort into this.
And these are just a few of Meyer’s science fails. There are a LOT more (and probably some I didn’t catch because I am not an expert) like her saying that humans can’t smell blood or that vampires aren’t affected by girls’ menstrual blood because it’s “dead blood”. I guess that makes me a vampire then, because I sure as hell can smell blood and blood smells gross—especially when it rots because then it’s just disgusting. And the whole “dead blood” thing is just… My god, she doesn’t think about what she’s saying sometimes, I swear. But yeah, it’s pretty clear that Meyer doesn’t really understand science or how the human body works. And she constantly waves these criticisms away saying that these stories are fantasy and so of course the science isn’t real because vampires aren’t real.
First, I’m not stupid. I know vampires aren’t real. Second, you CANNOT make up a scientific explanation for a creature, set it in what is ostensibly supposed to be THIS WORLD, and then not follow the rules of science. You can’t ignore basic anatomy, biology or physics, Meyer. It’s WRONG. It’s wrong and it’s lazy and it makes you look like a moron. Then again, this is the woman who wrote the Twilight Saga and thought it was the most epic romance to have ever romanced. She already looks like a moron.
So that’s it. It’s long, yes, but shorter than the other rants combined and organized a bit better. Once more, I have a lot of other issues—the misogynistic attitudes, the blatant abuse, the racism, the anti-human sentiment, the shallowness of the story and the obsession with money and beauty. The fact that Meyer vilifies blondes for no real reason; the fact that people think whiny, bratty Bella Swan is a strong female character. I hate a lot about this series and there aren’t enough redeeming factors to make me even remotely consider changing that opinion. These books suck. The writing sucks, the characters suck, the story sucks. It just sucks, guys. I hate it. I really, really hate this series.
Red Dragon (Movie vs. Book)
For those of you (woefully) unfamiliar, Red Dragon is both the first book of the Hannibal Lecter Teratology (written by Thomas Harris) and the prequel of the first Hannibal Lecter film (based on the second book), The Silence of the Lambs.
(And for the record, I am aware that Red Dragon was made into a movie before Silence of the Lambs, called Manhunter. I have never seen that movie and don’t plan to. A combination of poor reviews and a lack of Anthony Hopkins makes me wary of watching that particular adaptation.)
Anyway, what I wanted to talk about here is the pros and cons for the book and the movie version (again, the 2002 movie adaptation).
I saw the movie not too long after it originally came out when I was about 11 I think. I honestly only remember the first time I saw it very vaguely: I knew the scary guy from that movie I wasn’t allowed to watch was in it and I knew there was a blind woman, a serial killer and a detective guy. I also remembered that the killer had a terrible back-story and that at the end the detective’s son was almost killed and the detective saved him by taunting the killer.
It was really very jumbled up because, I’ll be honest, the first time I saw the movie it scared the piss out of me. I had nightmares and they were not pleasant. I never wanted to watch another Hannibal Lecter movie as long as I lived.
Of course, I watched it again later (after having watched Silence of the Lambs several times and not suffered nightmares from it) deciding to brave the terrifying movie again only to find that it wasn’t quite so terrifying after I’d grown up a bit. It was actually significantly less scary than I remembered it being.
And recently, with the debut of the absolutely glorious NBC show, Hannibal (serving as a prequel of sorts to Red Dragon) I decided to read the book and find out how closely the novel had been adapted.
Now, after having finished the book, I couldn’t help comparing the two (and of course comparing them both to the show as well) and so here is my analysis. Just remember that these are my opinions. I can believe what I want, and you are free to disagree.
I personally loved the movie. I had issues with it, of course, but for the most part the movie was brilliant and it was the first time I’d truly been exposed to the character of Hannibal Lecter, if only briefly.
I really loved the opening sequence with Hannibal at the dinner party (the not-so-subtle hints that he was feeding the orchestra their missing member) and then Will showing up later. I loved the hinted at but never fully explained, open-ended sort of past Hannibal and Will had together.
All we really know about them in the movie is that they worked together and that Hannibal nearly eviscerated Will when he got too close to the truth.
The movie had a lot going for it: interesting back-story, wonderfully evil Hannibal and a significant lack of Dr. Chilton, whom I despise.
One issue I had is that Will’s character, in the movie, was a bit flat. Not totally boring and uninteresting, but just sort of flat and not totally captivating. The best parts of the movie were his interactions with Hannibal, because those were the few times when he really shined through as a complex character. Everywhere else he was just a regular, boring detective.
There was little mention of Will’s history with mental instability and it was apparent from the film that Will and his wife Molly had been together before his nearly lethal stabbing at Lecter’s hands.
There are a few issues I have: one, Molly clearly dislikes Will’s work with the FBI and has every reason to. However, she’s not even remotely supportive and is in fact cold and kind of distant. His son, Josh, is hardly featured at all until the final scenes when Dolarhyde tries to kill him.
The scene where Molly shoots Dolarhyde is probably one of Molly’s best; she emotional and her reaction is real and visceral; clearly killing the man has changed her.
But not really, as we see in the end scene she is totally fine and happy and she and Will and Josh are out fishing and nothing is really all that different. It bothers me because the beginning was clearly setting up conflict between them and then the end didn’t deliver that, it was just: the killer’s dead, it’s over, let’s move on and be happy.
I did like that Will got to read the letter Hannibal sent him, though his casual reaction was a bit off. I feel like he should have spent time agonizing over that.
I was also kind of pissed at the fact that they lessened the physical impact of his fight with Dolarhyde. In the book, he was left severely scarred in his face and really just battered and broken, but there were no facial scars at all in the movie. Why? I don’t get it.
Another mark against the film: we see very little of Dolarhyde’s back-story. He’s clearly set up to be a sympathetic villain, at least in part, due to his abusive past, yet we only catch snatches and glimpses of that rarely in the film. We actually don’t see much about Dolarhyde’s delusional state or his belief in his Becoming. It makes him less sympathetic when he’s harder to understand. Not that story didn’t get across, but there was very little of it and it wasn’t really displayed as well.
The best thing about the book was that it developed Will’s character far better than the movie did. Will in the book was a fleshed out, real human being with feelings and reactions and motives that went beyond just solving a case because (which is what it felt like much of the time in the film).
In the book we see evidence of the toll solving crimes takes on Will: his night sweats, his nightmares, his headaches and his drinking. We hear of his past experiences both with Lecter when he nearly died and with Garrett Hobbs when he shot the man and ended up in a mental institution.
Will is empathetic and real and it makes him far more likeable. (The television adaptation did an excellent job magnifying that.)
We are also given better reasons for why Jack Crawford specifically wants Will on the case. In the movie he says it’s because Will makes leaps he can’t explain, he sees things others don’t and can think like the killers. We don’t see much evidence of Will really thinking like a killer or retracing his steps beyond what any good profiler could’ve done themselves.
In the book we see Will’s thought process at the Leeds’ crime scene. We see him immerse himself in the killer and reconstruct the murder in a way most people could not. Jack’s interest in Will makes more sense here because Will’s unusual gift is shown rather than merely stated to us.
We also get a much better reaction to the death of Freddy Lounds in the book. He dies much the same way in both book and movie: at the hands of Dolarhyde because of the article Will and Jack had him write. However, in the film, his death (while horrific) is almost immediately glossed over in favor of the lead it provides.
In the book, they acknowledge the death and Will reacts to it with guilt and a bout of drinking. He wonders if Lecter is right about him intentionally setting Freddy up because he hated him (as did everyone) and he questions his own motives for a while, tormenting himself before immersing himself in Dolarhyde’s mind again.
The worst thing about the book, however, is the incredible lack of Dr. Lecter. Red Dragon is the book that introduced Lecter to the world for the first time and every scene he’s in is sufficiently creepy and wonderful, but there are not many scenes with Lecter.
In fact, there isn’t much Lecter at all. The book’s focus is on Dolarhyde, who is the murderer. It makes sense, but it feels like such a loss.
Will didn’t know Hannibal before he attacked him as he did in the film. In the book, Will discovers who Hannibal in much the same way (nearly exactly the same way) as Miriam Lass did in the TV adaptation: incredible leaps of logic and intuition based on an old hospital record from a man Hannibal treated and horrible luck.
It does make Hannibal’s fascination with Will a lot creepier knowing that Lecter had no knowledge of Will before he nearly butchered him.
The book does do a much better job depicting Will and Molly’s relationship. It was already strained because Molly didn’t want him to go back to work with Jack and she was worried about her son, Willy, once Dolarhyde became a threat to them too.
Their relationship slowly grows frigid because of Will working the case and the dangers it’s presenting Molly and Willy and it feels real. Molly never had to live with Will as an FBI investigator; she only knows of the danger from the horrible scar Will has and so of course she has difficulty accepting and coping with this sudden change in her life.
It doesn’t end with all roses and daisies. The relationship is damaged by what happened and it’s clear that it isn’t going to be an easy fix, if it gets fixed at all. It’s a much more honest and realistic portrayal of what a woman like Molly would be going through when placed in this situation.
Dolarhyde’s past and motivations are also much more clear in the book and he is painted as a far more complex character because there is more of his background and his thought process there that doesn’t translate well into film.
We learn not only about his abusive grandmother, but about his mother and his half-siblings and we see deeper into Dolarhyde’s delusions about the Great Red Dragon. We see how his past shaped him because we get to learn more about it than just a few voice-overs from an angry grandmother yelling horrible things.
The relationship between Dolarhyde and Reba McClane is also much more fleshed out and displayed than in the film: His thoughts about Reba, his struggle to decide whether or not she was worth the risk and whether or not he should kill her and his defiance of the Dragon and him fighting his own delusions.
The lack of history between Will and Hannibal is probably my least favorite part of the novel. I much prefer the version where they were colleagues before Will discovered Hannibal’s serial killer identity. It lends a certain edge to their relationship that it otherwise wouldn’t have.
Side by Side:
Overall, I love them both and I’m not sure which I love more because they really are both fantastic. (I pick NBC’s Hannibal! Can I do that? This is my little ramble after all…)
The movie’s portrayal of Will and Lecter’s past as colleagues and friends increases the drama and appeal to their talks and the fact that they put more focus on Lecter and his motivations is definitely a big plus for it.
However, the lack of depth to Will Graham and the hollow relationship with his wife, along with that near perfect, happy family ending is definitely a strike against it.
The book’s in-depth, close study of Dolarhyde is really sympathetic and tragic and definitely works in its favor. Along with the characterization of Will and his realistic and crumbling relationship with Molly. The lack of a perfect ending is also a plus.
However, the lack of history between Will and Hannibal and the miniscule amount of appearances Lecter makes are certainly not in the book’s favor.
It you took what I liked of the two and melded them together it would be utterly perfect. We’d get characterization of Will and his abilities, deliciously dangerous and tense history between Will and Hannibal as former friends and colleagues, realistic relationships and insight into the killer.
Basically, if you put my favorite aspects of both together you would get NBC’s Hannibal. Which means I totally can pick that one as my favorite.
Seriously. Watch Hannibal. It’s the perfect combination of horribly soul-crushing, dangerously morbid beauty and thrill. It is glorious.
A Tribute to Supernatural by criminalxxxmindsxxxfreak:
Here's to the boy, who saved a world
Here's the man, who sold his soul
Here's the old drunk, who always had the answers
Here's to the angel, who gave his life
Here's to the heroes, who were broken inside
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