Author has written 9 stories for Hellsing, Legend of Zelda, and Dragon Age.
"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" I forget who said it, deal with it.
Honestly, I'd take over the world and declare carrying a tooth brush in your back pocket in Chicago on Labor Day a hate crime.
I'm just your average teenaged sociopath with an unhealthy love of anything and everything Dracula no matter how incredibly awesome or disgustingly cheesy and stupid. As some of you Spanish speakers out there may have guessed from my username, I'm a bit of a loner and honestly wouldn't remember to socialize with my fellow hu-mon creatures if it wasn't necessary for survival, though I do enjoy it on occasion.
Despite my lack of stories at the moment, I've been writing on fan fiction for nearly five years now *eyes popping out of my head thinking about that fact*. I've grown a lot as a writer in general and a person, as all of us do, and have subsequently thrown out 100% of my old stories, changed my username to something less stupid(twice), and am now beginning anew.
I am possibly my harshest critic. If I allow myself to brood on my own work too much I'm often prone to scrapping it and never touching the idea again. I also am trying to get over this problem I have with being absolutely unable to finish anything for the life of me.
Also, if I leave you a ridiculously harsh review concerning your grammar, please don't take it the wrong way. It's kind of a compulsion I have. I'm that person who corrects even her best friend's grammar as the poor girl is speaking, if you get the idea. I don't hate you or your writing; I'm just obsessive and overly perfectionistic. I'm really the one with the problem, if we're to be honest.
Hellsing: Started watching this around the same time I joined this site, but I was always too intimidated by its sheer awesomeness to write anything for it before now. Unfortunately, Alucard has influenced my development as a person in general far more than what is healthy. All my friends treat me like I'm some kind of immortal monster, namely because I kind of act that way most of the time.
This is definitely my favorite anime of all time, and possibly my favorite thing in general. I've watched every episode of the awful anime, read every chapter of the manga, and have seen every episode of the OVA dubbed and subbed at least a hundred times. Yes, I may need help, but at least I've reached the first step of admitting that I have a problem.
Dragon Age: Christ... This one happened a bit on accident. My brother purchased Inquisition, a game that I had been avoiding playing simply because I knew nothing about it (yes, yes, I know, beautiful logic there). Now I've been dragged off to Solavellan Hell, and there's no getting out for me at this point. Sad, because I was actually wanting to finish some of the stories I've had going for other fandoms, but it seems I'm going to have to hack out at least one of the twenty long-form stories I've got in mind for this monster of a fandom. I blame you, Patrick Weekes. Sick Bastard.
From the Vampiric Council regarding Stephanie Meyer
From the Council Chambers of the Association of Vampiric Activities Worldwide
Regarding those of the Vampire race in the Cullen family and the now-former human Isabella Swan, with the following issues brought before Stephanie Meyer.
It has come to our attention that your creation's popularity among humans - particularly adolescent females - has been on the rise as of late. While we do respect those promoting our kind who achieve fame and glory, we nevertheless must hold you accountable for promoting several grievous misconceptions about our race.
Grievance the First: Lifestyle
It has been discovered through various interviews with readers and fans that you claim the following: Vampires do not sleep, breathe, or eat. Additionally, you state that Edward Cullen drinks animal blood to avoid biting humans. To begin, Vampires should generally sleep in a coffin containing the soil of their homeland. It is not a necessity, but it is highly recommended to preserve vitality. This is a fact that has been laid down since the time of our most ancient ancestor Ch'thon. The concept of not needing to breathe is foolish. Certainly the more powerful among us consider breathing a hobby, however a study of the Cullen family reveals that none of them are at such a level. The consumption of animal blood is something you are only partially correct on. It is common knowledge that nothing can surpass 100 percent genuine virgin blood in terms of performance enhancement. Animal blood works in emergencies, but fresh human blood - preferably virgin - is the status quo.
Furthermore, if our kind were to feed solely on animals with lower-quality blood, feedings would increase and it would cause potential instability in the planetary food chain and we could all very well end up extinct.
Grievance the Second: Method
Your portrayal of Edward Cullen in particular is a slight affront to our race. He is described using reference from the novels in the following way:
"Edward, like all Vampires in the Twilight series, possesses superhuman beauty, strength, speed, endurance, and agility. His scent and voice are enormously seductive, so much so that he occasionally sends Bella into a pliant daze entirely by accident."
Our abilities do vary, so thankfully the idea of Edward being a fast mover is not an affront to us. The rest of the description, however, we take exception to. While the idea of our race being a sexual one by nature is indeed true, Vampires are quite adept at restraint of libido. We remain unobtrusive as need dictates, and merely charming when appropriate. Methods of seduction are to be employed against humans only when a Vampire has reached a state of mental maturity. The idea that Edward - being so young mentally - practically radiates lust is ridiculous. If Isabella Swan is indeed swooning around one such as him, the cause is more than likely akin to a pungent smother than an aromatic caress.
A requested message from Proinsias Cassidy states that one need not "look like a total (expletive deleted) wanker t'get some (expletive deleted)." To express things more eloquently, we wish you would cease writing things in an apparent state of self-induced arousal.
Grievance the Third: Concerning Isabella Swan
As is most likely obvious by now, the brunt of our displeasure with you seems to focus on Edward Cullen. Also of concern to us is your handling of the human Isabella Swan. While member Seras Victoria points out that Vampires can indeed fall in love with humans, such likelihood seems to fade as the Vampire grows more accustomed to their lifestyle. The near-immediate conversion to a Vampiric state to further develop a relationship is permissible and indeed encouraged. Unfortunately in your story, it seems it takes most of the series before this happens.
By all rights, only a fresh Vampire would be so hesitant to turn the target of their affection to their kind, as they would still cling to humanity. You state that Edward has been alive since the early 1900's. He should have shed such a connection to Humanity by this time. Furthermore, Vampires are generally not driven to attempt suicide simply because of badly-handled romantic situations.
Grievance the Fourth: Concerning Power
Stated above, powers do vary within, and a Vampire's abilities may even change as they gain power and status.
Default Vampire powers are the following:
Note that some Vampires may not possess these abilities, and some may possess others. Edward's current lineup of abilities is largely satisfactory, although we must state that no human is immune to a Vampire's telepathy. The idea of 'injecting venom into the heart' to convert a human to a Vampire is nonsense. Drinking a humans blood first renders them weak, and if a human is severely drained by a Vampire, only then do they themselves become a Vampire.
Additionally, the concept of Vampires having such varied powers among their own kind for the reason you describe is largely ridiculous. Vampires gain and perfect powers as they mature. Please realize that the varied capabilities of the Volturi are primarily telepathic in basic nature, and that the elementalist abilities of the Egyptian Coven's member Benjamin is more akin to the misrepresented nature of the so-called 'ninjas' of "Naruto" rather than the true abilities of any Vampire.
Furthermore, the idea of Vampires sparkling in sunlight is seen by us as truly nothing more than a foolish plot device. The most powerful of us are merely annoyed by sunlight, while the vast majority would - as member Proinsias Cassidy describes - "go up like six tons of Symtex."
President Vlad Dracula would like to state that even if you were a virgin he would not drink from you, for it would only sully our race.
Member Proisias Cassidy's message has been removed due to generally inappropriate language.
Member Saya Otonashi commends you on including a character who wishes to become a Vampire, however she feels offended that such a character would change so swiftly and practically throw her character away when changing so.
Member Angelus advises that the next time Edward Cullen feels jilted in his love life, that he try to sort out the problem himself.
Member Louise de Pointe du Lac recalls his own experience in Human-Vampire relations and cannot help but wonder how Isabella might have fared if she had met Lestat.
Member Seras Victoria wishes she could sparkle in the sunlight too. She has been reprimanded.
-We must commend you on the concept of the Volturi, although we find their policies regarding knowledge of our kind and dislike of Vampire children to be largely pointless.
-In anticipation of potential backlash regarding oddities among our own race, we wish to settle the following disputes here and shortly. First, concerning the unique nature of Vampires in Saya Otonashi's place of residence, human experimentation has muddled our kind their. The Chiropteran and Cavalier race are genetic deviants. Secondly, Proinsias Cassidy has quietly informed us that he had his fangs filed into normal incisors so as to avoid unwanted attention among humans. Furthermore, Louise de Pointe du Lac has commented on a new Vampire's need to bite and drink from the one who created them. This is not a necessary act and it has been concluded that this is an act done by some to give a Vampire their first blood until they are strong enough to feed themselves.
-In reference to your typical styles of romance, we have made contact with huntress Selene concerning her escapades with the Lycanthrope race.
-We are aware that the Count currently living on Sesame st. as well as Count Chocula do not conform to the standards set by the Council, however their actions and lifestyle are acceptable as they are useful for drawing in children.
-It is the esteemed belief of this Council that in cinematic portrayals of our race, Bela Lugosi and Tom Cruise make far better Vampires than Robert Patterson.
Post-script: Should you happen to be in contact with the esteemed Mr. Richard O'Brien before we are, please remind him that Transylvania is not 'trans-sexual', and we have no record of 'sweet transvestites' living here. The tourists are becoming annoying.
Post the Council's letter in your profile if you completely agree with them. I know I do.
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