Ardenaxelia Enna Martezi
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Joined 06-04-10, id: 2390317, Profile Updated: 03-11-12
Author has written 10 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Twilight, Avatar: Last Airbender, Outsiders, Harry Potter, Halloween, Robert Langdon series, and Teen Titans.

Dude I hate these things but I am very superstitious: This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

Some guys say, "Oh well I don't read books because there isn't any good guy books," well my response is, "Well if some of you guys get off your fat lazy butt and write books there would be more guy books." :)

I hate people that are flamers...

I HATE people that say oh its well rounded critism well this is my well rounded critism STOP READING stories you don't think are interesting... there problem solved

I LOVE writing at lunch.

I love drawing.

I love reading. Reading books not classes. Reading classes are lame.

PM me i'm always bored.

I LOVE music!!!!!!!

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

I have five fingers

The middle ones for you

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

If you love Jesus and believe he saved you from your sins when he died on the cross, copy this onto your profile.

15 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!" '

Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things

Are you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if you think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem?

Love your enemies... it pisses them off.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

I was wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer then it hit me.

Angry people need hugs (or sharp objects).

Don't smoke and throw the butts on the floor. The cockroches are getting cancer!

An apple a day keeps everyone away, as long as you throw them hard enough

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

He who laughs last didn't get it

Everyone is wierd in their own special way! copy and paste if you love being wierd and don't care wwhat others think

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent that would be laughing their butts off.

If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "cookie", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, zElDaPhAnToM-bLiNdBaNdIt-RaVeN, Firehawk, Rainfire, Snowfur, Firestar's Gal, Amberstar-Leader of SkyClan, Liza Taylor, fictionlover14, Saffire55, queen92a, Kaitie Kaye, artemisgirl 101

95 percent of teenagers care about popularity. If you like pretzels, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that disclaimers are the most annoying things EVER Copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile

If you are in love with a Twilight character, copy and paste this in your profile. JACOB ROX!! EDWARD IS A PSYCOTIC STALKER!!!!

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

Ninety-six percent of teens in the world today don't stand up for God. If you are one of the 4 percent that does put this in your profile.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

Perfection is a waste of time.

Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work? Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

I blame my attitude on videogames

Scared to remember, terrified to forget

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face

Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

Heaven doesnt wan't me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit

Tired of living and scared of dying

I hear your silence loud and clear

Children in frontseats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.

Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?

How can i miss you if you never left?

I'm not with stupid anymore!

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends (and boyfriend!)

Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable

Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.

Boys are like knives, usefull but they'll cut you eventually. (cough, cough Edward cough, cough)

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person,"What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Lola, Heather, Chris, Delilah, Edward, Diana, Brandon, Ivan, Andrea.

Benefits of being a woman-
Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.

She Said: You wear pants don't you?

People often ignore the simple things in life. If someone really annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown. On the other hand, it only takes 4 muscles to reach over and bitch slap that mutha fucker upside the head.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!

"We were in a top-secret facility in the middle of Death Valley, officially called 'Freaking Nowhere' on any map, and yet he managed to produce marshmallows." -Max

For mNow, Max, I think we both know your parents aren’t missionaries.” –FBI investigator
“No? Well, for God’s sake, don’t tell them. They’d be crushed. Thinking they’re doing the Lord’s work, and all.” –Max

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you fill up the tab separators in your binders withe doodles/love notes/confessions of love/any other Twilight related thing you can think of about Twilight or the Twilight characters. Crazy is when you can open up Twilight and know exactly which part you're at by reading one word. Crazy is when you print out copies of all the twilight series covers and put them on the wall of your closet. Crazy is when you buy a paperback copy of Twilight before you get a hardcover, so that after the cover falls off from reading it 52 time, you can go back and underline every time you see the amazingly beautiful name "Edward." Crazy is when you go to the book stores just to see how many copies of Twilight you can find. Crazy is when you save the extras and deleted parts of the Twilight series, so you can read them later. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

Comebacks to crappy pickup lines!-(Hilarious)

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

1. My mother taught me to appreciate A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

What a guy means, when he says some stuff-
"You know how bad my memory is!”
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned…but I forgot your birthday."

“Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s not big deal.”
"I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

“Take a breath honey. You work too hard.

"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"It‘s a guy thing"

"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to "
"I have no idea how it works."

"I cant find it."

"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

Emmett's the strongest,

Edward's the fastest,

But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people laugh.

shit happens.

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen
Good friends will pick you up when your fall, BEST FRIENDS will push you back down and laugh
Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry
Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"
Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you
A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell going "We fucked up, huh?"
Good friends dont let you do stupid things, BEST FRIENDS don't let you do stupid things ALONE

Repost or you are going to die.

If you would kill to have wings, post on profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer

Bella: Your pale white and ice cold, i know what you are
Edward: Say it... Out loud...SAY IT!
Bella: Vanilla Ice-cream ...
-->LMAO!

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, rainbows are gay, and so are you." Petunia Rose

Fun Things To Do On An Elevator.

1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"

2) When the elevator doors shut, reassuringly say, "It's OK, they will open up again!"

3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.

5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

11) Meow occasionally.

12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

18) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"

There's always a Light even on the darkest of Nights...

Unless you're me, because I bring the Night and destroy the Light.~Aidan.

I'm Cute and everyone knows it.(My sayings and personality):

I'm Awesome, my friends just don't want to admit it.~Moi

Me crazy?!Nev-Oooh lets jump off that cliff!~Moi

Faster!Faster!You'll never lose me at that rate!~Moi

OMG A TALKING GHOST NAMED FRED WHO THINKS I'M THE PHSYCOPATH THAT KILLED HIM!~Moi

Random guy:DEMON!DEMON!HELP ME LORD A DEMON IS UPON ME!

SnAp:Huh?Oh thats just Aidan.

I'm not THAT bad...HEY!YEAH YOU, AM I INTIMIDATING?!

I'm bored...Amuse me.

Psh I can make anybody look like a complete idiot, including myself!

I'll do the puppy dog eyes aproach first and if that doesn't work then I'll bring a shovel just in case!

What the hell are you looking at, haven't you ever seen a girl skip?!

Huh...I wonder if Vodka in Kool-aid tastes as good as it sounds...

Do you want to die?

Mom:"Looks at new skirt"Thats not a skirt thats a belt.

Me: Hey you should know not to let me get bored!

Me:Hey mom I'm going to get leather pants!

Mom:Why would you want those?

Me:I don't know I got bored!You know what happens when I'm bored(Rolls Eyes).

Me:Mom!I'm going to go jump in the river!

Mom:You are, why?

Me:Why do I do anything?

Tips on being my friend:

Wake me up in the morning and I will kill you!

That's pretty much it...


BEST FRIENDS N FRIENDS:

FRIENDS:never ask anything to eat or drink

BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FREINDS:Call your parents M. Mrs and grandma and grandpa

BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night

BESTFRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and herself in the process

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore

FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you

BESTFRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the shit out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts your bestfriend

FRIENDS: Will say you can do better

BESTFRIENDS: Will call him and say"you have seven days to live"

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying

BESTFRIENDS:Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will help you move

BESTFRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall

BESTFRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain

BESTFRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, -Bitch- RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipes your tears when your rejected

BESTFRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Tell you that you look nice.

BESTFRIENDS: Say your outfit looks like throw up, and then help you find a new one 10 minutes before school starts.

FRIENDS: Say "good luck" when you go get your ears pierced.

BESTFRIENDS: Help pick out your studs, take before&after pictures of your earlobes, and then put up with the unending questions and mirror-staring.

FRIENDS: Roll their eyes when you start rambling yet again about your boyfriend (the fourth time that night).

BESTFRIENDS: Start gushing with you.

FRIENDS: Smile when you get obsessed with something.

BESTFRIENDS: Get obsessed with you.

FRIENDS: Say "see you later!"

BESTFRIENDS: Say "I LUUUUUHHHVVV you! DON'T LEAAVVEE!" and then tackle/hug you.

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number

BESTFRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Forgive you.

BESTFRIENDS: Hold a fake grudge against you until you let them borrow a hair band.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BESTFRIENDS:Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. heres a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FREINDS:Will leave you behind if thats what everyone else is doing

BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you

FRIENDS: Tell jokes with you.

BESTFRIENDS: Have countless inside jokes with you.

FRIENDS: Tell you that you're the most annoying thing on earth.

BESTFRIENDS: Say the same thing, except then they laugh and say "I guess that counts for me too!"

FRIENDS: Annoy you.

BESTFRIENDS: Annoy you, but then make you laugh.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BESTFRIENDS:Would walk right in and say,"IM HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell

BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)

BESTFRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS:Will be there to take your drink away when they think youve had enough

BESTFRIENDS:Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you know we dont waste

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his ass

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house

BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: kick your ass and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS:dare you to scream into the street

BEST FRIENDS: dare you to go streaking

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" (don't ask you don't want to know)

BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you

FREINDS: Will ignore this

BESTFRIENDS:Will repost this crap.

My Favorite Insults (use at your own risk)

Everyone is intitled to being stupid, but you just abuse the prviledge.

I would say "screw you" but I think to many people already have.

I am really trying to imagine you with a personality. Oops, I can't.

Not the brightest crayon in the box, now, are we?

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Your a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal.

You just won't leave me alone, will you? You know, people like you are the reason why people like me need medication.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're an idiot!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
God made me beautiful,
What happened to you?

List 5 reasons why I shouldn't talk to you. And then read them over and over.

If stupidity was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head


Stuff I thought was funny!

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!

When life gives you lemons throw the back and demand vodka.

Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

Shit fire and save matches (ha ha!!)

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.


16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance to the Prophecy".
7.Don't use any punctuation.
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Specify that your drive thru order is "To Go"
10. Sing Along at the Opera
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON I WON!!"
14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
15. Tell your children over diner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It's called therapy.

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

Ninety-six percent of teens in the world today don't stand up for God. If you are one of the 4 percent that does put this in your profile.


For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is downloading all of Twilight and New Moon off the books on C.D. from the libary, and listning to them over and over again. Crazy is when you dont say a thing about yourself in your fanfiction bio but insted yell random things that make you lafe. Crazy is when you start getting antisocial because you want to read instead of hanging out with your friends. Crazy is when you laugh about how Edward Cullen thinks Bella is DEAD in New Moon, even though it's a very serious matter, and your sister hears you and asks why you're laughing so loud and you tell her and she just cries about it because she thinks it's sad. Crazy is when you headbang to a slow song, or become odsessed with the song "Let it Die" by Three Days Grace because it reminds you of Edward Cullen for some odd reason. Crazy is naming your winter jacket Mr. Puffy and your best friend naming hers Mrs. Puffy and letting them marry for the winter. Then at the end of the winter, they both retire and divorce each other. Crazy is when you are taking a math test and go over on ur scrap sheet of paper to work out the problem, and start drawing spirals until the teacher goes five minutes left! Crazy is having a major arguement with your friend...and i mean major...its still going on and it has already been a year...about which one is better: pudding or jello. Crazy is when you start laughing until you butt falls off for no apparent reason and your mom comes in the room and goes like, "What the hell is going on?" Crazy is if you suddenly yell, 'PARTY IN MY TUMMY!' and everyone stares at you in Pre-Algebra class. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

95 percentage of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 that would shout "Jump assholes!" (same goes for Miley Cyrus)

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her

When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you
Grab her and don't let go

When she starts cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she likes you
she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
don't look away until she does

When she misses you
she's hurting inside

When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away

When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers

When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it -

Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.-

When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-

Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-

Tease her and let her tease you back.-

Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-

Give her the world.-

Let her wear your clothes.-

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-

Let her know she's important.-

Kiss her in the pouring rain.-

When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking?"

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.

-FEMALE COMEBACKS

Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Woman: Do not enter.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together

Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Try Not to Cry

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech
Students Who Were Lost

If you almost cried while you read this copy this to your profile, and add your name to the list; Mysterious Miracle, Silverdiamond23, Peridot Tears, Katie Ladmoore, Moonstream-Warrior, Spottedpaw13, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, Mcnug3ts, Lexi St. James, SamAnne-C

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To Be Without by Agrabah's Princess reviews
Claire's mother didn't approve of imprinting and fled with Claire when she was only 5 years old. Now, Claire is 18 and she wants to find where she belongs and knows exactly where that is. QuilClaire. Rating may change. Post BD, 15 years.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 41 - Words: 107,848 - Reviews: 1210 - Favs: 530 - Follows: 564 - Updated: 12/10/2012 - Published: 2/4/2009 - Claire, Quil Jr.
The Rites of Man by Steph36 reviews
Soda is taken prisoner in Vietnam. Now he must struggle to survive, and escape does not always mean freedom.
Outsiders - Rated: M - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 44 - Words: 148,116 - Reviews: 378 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 2/29/2012 - Published: 10/11/2009 - Sodapop C. - Complete
Kiss Me by kristy267 reviews
What does fate have in store for Quil and Claire after a heartbreaking accident? "I love you and nothing is ever going to change that. Don't ever forget that, Claire Summers." ***I Own Nothing*** T rated just to be safe!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 27 - Words: 42,536 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 5/27/2011 - Published: 4/29/2010 - Quil Jr., Claire - Complete
Nico's Trip to the Orphange by ravenpaw48 reviews
I would just continue to ignore Hawk-Eyes and get these kids to Camp. Easy, except for the fact that Hawk-eye is a cruel loser who wont let me out of her sight! Not to mention that there are so many kids I need to get out of this hell-hole. Easy.Not.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,152 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 12/21/2010 - Published: 5/13/2010 - Nico A.
Tips on How to Become Insane by dromedatonks reviews
Ever wonder how Bellatrix became insane?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 451 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/13/2010 - Bellatrix L. - Complete
25 Things I Cannot Do At Hogwarts by The-Magic-Orb reviews
The title says it all. Review please!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 311 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/11/2010 - Complete
Shades of Gray by biteme4realz reviews
My arms were shaking. To calm down, I started to run, not daring to glance in the direction where I could feel Collin’s eyes staring after me. -- Mandy Call is Embry’s younger sister, Collin’s imprint, and the youngest member of the wolf pack.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 24,548 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 5 - Published: 3/6/2010 - Collin, Embry - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Hidden From Plain View reviews
In the aftermath of a deadly explosion there are a birth of two new teen super villians. The Titans rush to defend their city when they find out something most peculiar. Will these new threats challenge the forces of the Teen Titans? Or will the Titans triumph over these newbies? Read to Find Out.
Teen Titans - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 8,844 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/31/2013 - Complete
Running From White reviews
A girl, Xiamaria, and her little brother, are left abandoned after one of the Church kills their parents. Now she is running from her hometown in Florida to where ever she finds refuge. What happens when she finds her safe haven with a killer? Will she fall hopelessly in love? Or will she fight for her and her brothers freedom? Rated M for possible future content Silas/OC or is it?
Robert Langdon series - Rated: M - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,017 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 4/11/2013 - Published: 3/30/2013 - Silas
I Wish I Could Love Him reviews
It starts out as a simple church lock-in. Then a group of kids get the shock of their lives as their friends start to be pickedo ff one by one, and the only way to stop this madness is ...well read the story. Rated T for now.
Halloween - Rated: T - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,654 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 7/16/2012 - Published: 4/20/2012 - Michael M.
My Greaser Boyfriend
I'm not good with summaries. Pony and Johnny run away and leave us devastated. During Soda's depression he finally admits to Samantha that he loves her. R&R.
Outsiders - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 544 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/4/2011 - Sodapop C.
Death's Daughter reviews
Jade is 12 millenias old because of a dark wizard. The only one who can free her is her perfect other half. Can Draco Malfoy release her or will she remain cursed? Please R & R!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 684 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9/4/2011 - Draco M.
Why Me! reviews
Arabella Gabriel moves to Tulsa and soon learns she must choose sides between Socs. and Greaser. She is falling in love with a greaser though her brother is a socs. Will she choose right or will she pay the price? R & R please!
Outsiders - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 951 - Reviews: 1 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/4/2011 - Sodapop C.
Fire Academy reviews
Zuko's friend Yuki is going to the Fire Academy. Will she fall in love with Zuko or will it be her downfall. Most likely not going to continue but please read. Flames welcome but keep in mind I wrote this when I was six.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 528 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/4/2011
The Forgotten Character in Percy's Story reviews
Nikkole di Angelo was always the outcast, but now she is telling her parts in Percy's quest to save the world. R&R.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,786 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/4/2011 - Percy J., Grover
The Unknown reviews
My life always takes a turn for the worse and this one was the worse turn yet. Between my training and keeping the secret of the werewolves and school I live a pretty normal life... If you consider being anceint history normal. No flames.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 8,998 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/5/2011 - Published: 1/12/2011 - Embry
It All Started With Him reviews
A girl thought it was a normal day with her normal class until she met the new kid Hermes. Can she reassemble the broken pieces of her old life and continue on with her school work or does she have to go to Camp Half-Blood? Read and Review please..Thanks.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 7 - Words: 4,140 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Published: 11/14/2010 - Hermes