Author has written 6 stories for Harry Potter.
"Welcome, Witches and Wizards, to Bowling for Dementors!" - My reaction to the opening of the OotP film, thanks to reading way too much Jim Butcher.
Hello. I'm Mandible Bones, the worst pirate ever.
I do not write “ficcies,” which do not contain “chappies” or end on “cliffies.” I write fanfiction, broken into chapters, which only occasionally involve cliffhangers. Mr. Zabini's first name is Blaise; his last name is not Zambini, Zamboni or Zabroni. It is spelled Seamus, not Shaymus – it's fecking Irish. Likewise, it does not rhyme with "beamish". Ron is occasionally immature; he is, however, not a date rapist or a creepy stalker. Nor is Harry. NOR IS NEVILLE. Draco Malfoy marries Astoria Greengrass; her name is not Asteria, and she will kick you in the shins if you get it wrong. Hermione's middle name is Jean. You may be confusing her with Delores Jane Umbridge, but I hope not. The Dumbledore siblings are Albus, Aberforth and Arianna. Canon means, alternatively: an accepted body of work, for instance, Harry Potter canon, a high-ranking church official, or a 4th-level Healer. A cannon, by contrast, begins the Tri-Wizard Tournament in Harry Potter canon, announces the arrival of a high-ranking church official, and occasionally causes wounds worthy of a 4th-level healer. Shipping outside canon is perfectly acceptable and can be done very well. Complaining that “canon got it wrong!” gives you all the dignity of a drunken flobberworm (why, yes, I AM looking at you, Harmonians). If you can do it better, shut up and do it (and some of you can). Zacharias Smith is a Hufflepuff unless you sort him otherwise (I recommend sorting him into a small closet, but that may be just me). You're probably already aware that Miss Weasley's name is Ginevra, not Virginia – please also consider that, as an athletic and attractive young woman with a clear head on her shoulders, she is probably not a Galleon-digging society whore wielding Love Potions. In fact, this is probably something to remember about ALL the Weasleys, since apparently people forget. Not all Slytherins are villains. Not all villains are Slytherins. The world isn't broken up into good people and Death Eaters.
Neville Longbottom's the real hero.
"After all this time?" "Always."
Edit: Thanks to user tinesubic for catching a spelling mistake in our least favorite Hufflepuff's name. Would have been somewhat hypocritical of me to leave it, I think.
Complete: "A Waste of a Perfectly Good Cell Phone," "Until the Very End," "Last Second Chance," "Umbridge, After Kipling"
In-Progress: "Advancing to the Rear" (Sequel to "Last Second Chance")
On Indefinite Hiatus: "Disturbing the Universe"
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