Author has written 5 stories for Harry Potter, Black Books, and Mighty Boosh.
Sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll. Weed, speed and birth control. Life's a bitch and then you die, so fuck the world and lets get high.
Guten Tag, ich heisse Amber (and that's as good as my German gets...)
My name is Amber, but I prefer Abi. I'll also answer to the girl with the turqoise eyes, that reckless girl, crazy bitch... whatever...
I am English and (ish) proud. I AM proud of our comedy. God bless thee.
I am 13 and a girl.
I live at... Ha! Not telling pedos!
I'm not your average girl, I'm more messed up than that.
My hobbies include sailing, painting, drama, writing (fanfiction and original pieces), drawing, cycling, gym (can you believe it?!) doing punk hair and make-up to scare my parents, doodling, dancing like Morrissey and drama, but not sport cause I take it all as a joke to be honest.
Books: Harry Potter, Ally's Word, Angels Unlimited, The Boy With the Striped Pyjamas, Dorian Gray, Sherlock Holmes (I'm going through a classics phase) whatever I pick out of my book collection... I have about 100 but most of them haven't been read yet. The Charlie books (by the Vince Noir)
Tv: The Mighty Boosh, Black Books, My Parents Are Aliens, El Nombre, Sherlock, Fresh Meat, Peep Show, Maths Mansion, Friends, Big Bang Theory, The Inbetweeners, Nathan Barley, (Un)natural acts, the IT Crowd, Pete Sweet (though it's pretty rude!) Peacock Dreams, Would I Lie to You?, Ricky Gervais Show, Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum, Never Mind The Buzzcocks, QI, Mock the Week, Grandma's House, Have I got News For You, Spaced, Outnumbered, Being Erica, Accidentally on Purpose, The Goodies, Nothern Exposure, Scrubs, Doctor Who, Gilmore Girls... any crap I find whilst flicking around...
Films: Shaun of the dead, Hot Fuzz, Notting Hill, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Harry Potter (though the books are better), Twilight's okay, it's just not very cheery, Save the Last Dance, Die Hard, Love Actually, Bridget Jones, Juno.
Music: This could take a while...(this isn't in an order of favourites) and I have a strangeee taste, I like electro, rock, indie, alternative, britpop and all that combined (eg. indie pop/ indie rock, alt. rock) Yeah.. I like weird music...
The Killers, Amy Winehouse, S.C.U.M, Cat's Eyes, Girls, Television, Tribes, Death Cab for Cutie, Foals, Stornoway, My Bloody Valentine, We Are Scientists, Johnny Marr and the Healers, The Cribs, The Pigeon Detectives, Beach Boys, Jeff Buckley, The Enemy, Ryan Adams, Bert Jansch, Niki and the Dove, Best Coast, Wolf Gang, Wild Beasts, Tame Impala, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Adele, The Cars, Syd Barrett, Psychedelic Furs, Carl Barat, Kaiser Chiefs, Frank Turner, The Sex Pistols, Razorlight, Ed Sheeran, Tribes, Mona, Foster the People, Morrissey, Warpaint, The Who, The Clash, The Stranglers, Patrick Wolf, Klaxons,The Horrors, Two Door Cinema Club, Friendly Fires, Human League, David Vangel, Hellogoodbye, Radiohead, REM, The Libertines, David Bowie, Blink 182, Yuck, Cage the Elephant, Babyshambles, Dirty Pretty Things,The Cars, The Last Shadow Puppets, Miles Kane, Elvis, All the Beatles solo stuff, Manic Street Preachers. The Naked and Famous, The Vaccines, Gary Numan, Bright Eyes, Jesus and Mary Chain, The Shrangri-las, Talking Heads, White Lies, Joy Division, New Order, Miles Kane, The Subways, Kai Fish, The Coral, Stone Roses, Rolling Stones, Bloc Party, Fratellis, The Kinks, Blur, White Stripes, Ladyhawke, Plain White Ts, Robots in Disguise, Oasis, Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds, Noah and the Whale, Kings of Leon, Mystery Jets, The Police, Pulp, The Zoutons, The Vaccines, The Wombats, Blur, Sting, Aerosmith, James Blake, The XX, Glasvegas, Primal Scream, The Beatles, The Strokes, One Night Only, Kate Bush, Lana Del Rey, Morrissey, Biffy Clyro, Suede, Calvin Harris, IAMX, Fight Club, Bob Dylan, Laura Marling, Florence and the Machine, Mumford and Sons, Franz Ferdinand, Arcade Fire, Arctic Monkeys, Kate Nash, Nirvana, Lily Allen, Kasabian, The Pogues, Velvet Underground, Ramones, New York Dolls, Bright Eyes, Echo and the Bunnymen, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Smiths, The Doors, MGMT, The Cure... Some more probably...
Johnny Depp, Noel Fielding, Julian Barratt, Simon Amstell, Peter Doherty, Carl Barat, Miles Kane, Alex Turner, Morrissey, Johnny Marr, Syd Barrett, Jarvis Cocker, Dee Plume, Sue Denim, Helena Bonham Carter, Dylan Moran, Alex Kapranos, Stephen Fry, Scrubs cast, Tom Felton, Rupert Grint, Evanna Lynch... Most of the HP cast... I can't be bothered writing everyone... I like pretty much everyone in these bands^^^ (That was supposed to mean all the bands up there...) so yeahh.
Games: Phoenix Wright, Mario, Nintendogs... tissue tenis, mockey/mop hockey (don't ask) hide and seek, blocky 123, climbing trees,
Things(not those kid, hee hee :D ) : SWEEETIIEEESSS!!!, NME (ahhh, my saviour! :D ) CLOTHES, I love clotheesss :D
Me: Well, I'm a bit of a freak... eek. I'm sometimes very quiet and mumble stuff, other times I just tell everyone to fuck off and go off to my room to be a recluse, and then I'm all cheerful and weird and that's me most of the time I guess. I'm mostly Vince 'cause I'm obsessed with him and I love his style and everything he likes and I know I'm going and that this won't make sense but I don't care 'cause it's 8PM and I'm still in my pjs and I'm going back to school tomorrow (I got kicked out :D ) so I think you can tell I'm in a far too lazy mood to be arsed with punctuation. Or editing.
Again, this could go on for a while... I hate a lot of stuff.
Cheryl Cole, the government, JLS, taxes (and I don't even pay them yet!), stereotypes, people who aren't weird, people who call others mean stuff (well, it takes one to know one), sticky things (well I like the taste I just hate being sticky), JLS, xfactor (it's so comercialised and unoriginal) Pixie Lott... Oooh school too! Really long adverts, slow things, when I lose things I like stress, fake tan and girls who wear too much make up, my phone dying, people yelling right down your ear...
ooh, what I do like is , like, fucked up cult heroes. Y'know, like Syd Barrett and Brian Wilson, Keih Moon, Richey Edwards, Sid Vicious..
Livejournal- Ah, Livejournal, I have like 50 billion accounts on there... I forget passowrds REALLY easilyyyy... Anyway, the one I do remember is- sugarrush111, friend me, message me, explain to me how the fuck I'm supposed to use that site cos I don't understand it...
"People say I'm the Beatle who changed the most, but to me, that's what life's about." George.
"I now realise that taking drugs is like taking an aspirin without a headache." Paul.
"When two greats meet, it's a humbling experience." Paul.
"You can go to church and sing a hymn, Judge me by the colour of my skin, You can live a lie until you die, One thing you can't hide is when you're crippled inside." John.
"You're all geniuses, and you're all beautiful. You don't need anyone to tell you who you are. You are what you are. Get out there and get peace, think peace, and live and breathe peace, and you'll get it as soon as you like." John.
"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream." John.
"I am alive and well and unconcerned about the rumors of my death. But if I were dead, I would be the last to know." Paul (1969)
"I'm a tidy sort of bloke. I don't like chaos. I kept records in the record rack, tea in the tea caddy, and pot in the pot box." George. (this is why he's my favourite!)
"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans" John.
"We all have Hitler in us, but we also have love and peace. So why not give peace a chance for once?" John.
"I think people who truly can live a life in music are telling the world, 'You can have my love, you can have my smiles. Forget the bad parts, you don't need them. Just take the music, the goodness, because it's the very best, and it's the part I give most willingly'" George.
"I am not the Beatles. I'm me.Paul isn't the Beatles...The Beatles are the Beatles. Separately, they are separate." John.
"The things is, we're all really the same person. We're just four parts of the one." Paul.
"When I was about twelve, I used to think I must be a genius, but nobody's noticed. If there is such a thing as a genius...I am one, and if there isn't, I don't care." John.
"Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn't argue with that; I'm right and will be proved right. We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity." John.
"I'm not saying we're better or greater, or comparing us with Jesus Christ as a person, or God as a thing, or whatever it is. I just said what I said, and it was wrong, or it was taken wrong. And now it's all this." John.
"When I was 5 years old, my mum always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life." Lennon.
'You can only be so thick-skinned. You can only pretend not to care for so long before you have to admit that you hate being made to look like an idiot. I hate seeing myself misquoted. I hate being linked romantically with girls I’ve been close to for years but never slept with. It’s just upsetting, isn’t it? My nan reads and believes these things. I say, “Hiya Nan, how are you getting on?” and she’ll say, “Are you all right? What about that cat you injected with crack?”’
Broken glass. It's just like glitter, isn't it?
It's that mysterious thing called hype. I've looked under every rock, and I couldn't find out what it means. Certain people hear a certain melody, and they're attracted to it. I'm in love with that feeling. We're looking for fun and adventure and a bit of redemption and somewhere to live. Everything else is a blind venture into the unknown.
“I do maintain that if your hair is wrong, your entire life is wrong.”
"I am capable of looking on the bright side, I just don't do it very often."
"When I'm lying in bed and I think about life and I think about death and neither one particularly appeals to me."
"I'm not very good at being dull."
(On Richard Madeley) "He called me an unsufferable prat, This is a bit rich coming from a man who actually married his own mother."
“Nothing is important, so people, realising that, should get on with their lives, go mad, take their clothes off, jump in the canal, jump into one of those supermarket trolleys, race around the supermarket and steal Mars bars and kiss kittens.”
Bar lady: I like your dress...
: [grabbing book] Look at this one!
I might transform myself into a mighty hawk. Either that or work in Dixons - I haven't decided-Naboo
Naboo: I've got a crystal ball but what's in it for me?
Don't go eating 15 [hash cakes] all at once, because you WILL see the devil, and he'll try to rip your heart out through your kneecaps
The Rules of Hogwarts
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball (dangit! I was going to take him...)
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus's "time of the month" (Haha, I giggled at that)
10) I am not allowed to make light sabre sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
17) I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not use the phrase, "Get a Life" when talking to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling (that is awesome)
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bee's"
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
30) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"
31) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm, not even if they are in Slytherin
32) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
33) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
34) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
35) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts
36) I do not have a Noel Fielding patronus
37) I will not lick Trevor
38) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey"
39) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween and ask Harry if he forgives me
40) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously
41) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
42) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
43) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
44) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape or Draco Malfoy is the Voice of God
45)I will not ask Sirius if he's serious (What if I asked him if his middle name is 'Lee'?
I love the Pogues- they started in 1982 as Pogue Mahone—pogue mahone being the Anglicisation of the Irish póg mo thóin, meaning kiss my arse.
Wow, the stuff you find on Wikipedia.
If you're insane, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're obsessed with Harry Potter, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're regularly told not to ask stupid questions, copy and paste.
If you ever walk into a room and wonder why you went in there, copy and paste.
If you ever wonder what the point of life is, copy and paste.
If you're not an emo, but you're happy to talk about death, because, quite frankly, it is not scary, copy and paste.
If you're immature and proud of it, copy and paste.
If you don't take yourself too seriously because there's no point because you're incapable of being serious, copy and paste.
If you are a hypocrite because you get annoyed when people won't shut up, but you're more than happy to do the same, though you moan at people when they moan you're being hypocritical, copy and paste.
If you're a born whiner and proud of it, copy and paste.
If you were a troubled child because you always said you hated yourself and your favourite colour was red, copy and paste. (i think I may be alone on that one. Oh the shame.)
If you're insecure to cry around people, but are in no way an insecure person, copy and paste.
If you were cooler whe you were little than you are now, copy and paste. (I liked MCR when I was eight! :D )
If you think Remus and Tonks should not have died, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Dumbledore shouldn't have died, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Dobby shouldn't have died, copy and paste.
If you think Hedwig shouldn't have died, copy and paste.
If you think Fred shouldn't have died, copy and paste.
If you think Lily and James shouldn't have died, copy and paste.
If you're bummed that Fran and Bernard didn't get together in Black Books, copy and paste.
If you imagine them together, and think that that's how it secretly ended, copy and paste. (I am so right)
If you want Black Books to come back, copy and paste.
If you think Dylan Moran's cool, copy and paste.
If you are also bummed that you were born in to a generation too late too watch Black Books when it first came out, copy and paste.
If you are against homophobia, copy and paste.
If you are against racism, copy and paste.
If you're against sexism, copy and paste.
If you're against egotism, copy and paste.
If you're against classism, copy and paste.
If you're against ableism, copy and paste.
If you think JK Rowling's the awesomist, copy and paste.
If you already think I'm a bit random, but lovely and right about stuff ;) copy and paste.
If you think the irish and australlian accents are cool, copy and paste.
Quote of the year: (2010)
"I'm not insane, my mother had me tested."
(From Big Bang Theory)
Quote of the year:(2011)
Miles: He (Alex) turned up one day in red jeans. That surprised me. I like it when he wears red jeans. When they're tight.
Interview... (I don't know if this is real, I hope it is :D )
Jo: You two are getting on quite alright, then. Are you loving what you're doing at the moment?
Alex: Oh yeah, we're having a ball, Jo.
Miles: If only you could see what was going on now, Jo.
Jo: Is there a lot of stroking going on?
Alex: More than that.
Miles: Get off! Ah, get off me knee!
Jo: Knee, was that?
Miles: Yeah, he's just... he's working his way up.
If you so think Jack and Tom from Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum series 3 are together, copy 'n' paste :-) (I can't be the only one, I mean, they shower together, for God's sake, that's not just bromance!
A word of advice from me:
Drumroll please (I don't often give advice)
Never eat jelly beans in a cinema.
I wouldn't take me too seriously if i were you.
FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/uni. (aka: drinking buddies)
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
Morrissey/Marr (fluff or angst tho, not sex, ew,ew,ew..)
Carl/Pete (The Libertines)
Alex/Miles (The Last Shadow Puppets)
My Parents Are Aliens
Mel/Trent (omigod, omigod, who was totally in love with Trent when they were a kid?! And I love them two, they're cute, Mel and Trent are the coolest indie misfits EVER.)
Neville/Luna (sometimes... but I think J.K was right that they should marry different people)
Tom Riddle (when younger, say sixteen)/OC (someone who can't really see through the fact he is evil!!!!)
Lucius/Narcissa (but they go through trouble)
Bill/Fleur (opposites attract I guess)
Joel/Maggie (the perfect love/hate thing)
Things that make me sad/cry
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love.
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
Also, the other day I nearly cried when I realised Muse are English.
If you think that phsyco, emo, murderous barbers are 100 times better than sparkly vampires, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you want Jack Sparrow for President, copy this into your profile.
If every time you hear the word rum, you automatically think of Captain Jack Sparrow, copy and paste this into your profile!!
If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you LOVE Johnny Depp, copy and paste this onto your profile
If your one of the people who could perfectly understand Jack Sparrow's confusing rants and when your friends all had confounded expressions on their faces you were like, well duh that made perfect sense. Copy this into your profile.
If you eaisly fall in love with fictional characters, copy and paste this to your profile. (Sweeeney Todd, The doctor, Captin Jack, Sirius Black, Bernard Black, (People with the surname Black all the way!) Phoenix Wright...
If you know the smell of phsyco murderer barbers copy and paste this into your profile you obbsessed freak
If you think Sweeney Todd needs a hug, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you get easily obsessed copy this to your profile.
If you think High School Musical is not a real musical, copy this into your profile. (Learn some culture)
OOOOOH! I watched the Doctor Who Christmas Special and the doctor married a randomer! He looked semi drunk and cute :D
If you would happily marry the doctor (or a randomer), copy and paste.
Things to do on an Elevator:
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK.But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE.And you have the nerve to call me coloured?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on you're profile if you hate racism
Now talking's just a waste of breath
And living's just a waste of death- Fall Out Boy
And the poets are just kids who didn't make it- Ditto
When everybody else refrained
I'm not depressed, I just depress others.
Never ask me a question, if you're brave enough to try to, don't expect a normal answer.
Amber, what would you do if you were starving?
I say, eat food!!
Bye for now! :D
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