Author has written 20 stories for Yu-Gi-Oh.
Hi! Germantownmadian here! Let's see, I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself.
Hair color: Dark brown
Eye color: Ocean blue
Height: Let's just say I'm 5 something. (As you can tell I hate being small.)
Couples on YGO*
& TristanxSerenity (sometimes Duke)
Hi there! As you know I'm Germantownmaiden who writes Atem/YamiXAnzu/Tea stories only. I don't plan to move from my place in this area and I don't plan to write about any other couples.
I love . . . Writing, cooking, drawing, painting, reading, playing games (computer or video games.), biology, anime, and so much more.
I don't like . . . math in general. I hate it! XP I understand the fact that I need to pay for taxes and bills in the future but some of the math is just . . . urgh! So, anyway, Bashing is a serious no-no. The author worked hard to make that character, drawing him or her out and planning the roles that the character is asigned to. Bashing a character just for the main character to be pared up with an OC is childish and shows just how weak someone is in writing. But then again, if you can do it with taste than I'll give you points.
I live in the north, I finished high school too. (Yay! :D) I'm hard-headed and I'm free of religion due to the fact that I want to stay open to everyone and make friends and I don't want religion to get in the way of that. I accept everyone no matter if one is gay or not, but if you spew out cruel words than I will often times ignore or just stop talking to them over a period of time.
German's All-Time Favorite Writers!: Sea Stars, peachi goddess, and TheRealContestshippingPrincess
The Germantownmaiden Promise: If you ask a question about anything, I will answer to the best of my abilities and if you answer anything about my stories it will be the same. Know this, if you ask a question about a story in progress, I might keep things from you. :3 (Just don't come asking me hard questions like 'what's the meaning of life?' You do I'll give you something utterly random and if you annoy me enough, I'll make it scary too. .) That is TGP!
What is Germantownmaiden doing right now??????: Hello! It's been a year since I've updated my page. *cue The Scream Painting pose* I know I've informed many of those who read my stories that I'm not going to give up on my stories but as an adult (shivers) I have to work for my money. (I seriously have to find a room mate or something to get out on my own, jeeze.) That takes up a lot of time. XX So my updates will take longer but chapters will be longer. I am also helping out Ime Aubrey (she's gone through a lot of name changes) Who has four stories but is well known for Persephone, Pulse, Dark Shines: Katabasis and it's sequel, Dark Shines: Anabasis. Not to mention I'll be rebooting my older stories and filling in any holes I've probably missed. German out!
What makes German angry?:(Plus some small advise from me.)
1.) LEMONLINE is probably the number one thing I hate. Every time I see one it makes me feel stupid. I know what I clicked into, I know it's rated M so that means there will probably be violence or (let's get straight to the point here.) sexual stuff. If someone is young and they just love reading lemons then fine, let em, but don't put a LEMONLINE and ruin it for everyone. LEMONLINES just ruin the whole mood of the story or one-shot.
2.) Bashing. I talked about it some but allow me to talk about it again. When you bash a character for stupid reasons then you have no reason to write that trash on this website. Keep your hateful bashing to yourself. I hate Vivian because she reminds me off this girl I totally punched the lights out of when I was younger, I still hate her, but I'm not gonna bash her just to put my favorite couple together! That's a newbie thing. (Not to mention hateful.) So if you've gotten pretty good at writing stories but you're still depending on bashing to make a storyline, get out and learn to make a plot. Seriously.
3.) Yaoi. I just . . . I can't understand the need for it. Sure, some like it but when that character is obviously straight, and its pretty well known that they don't like the same sex it's just . . . it's weird for me. A no-no zone for me...
4.) I have this thing for using 'I'm', 'aren't', and all the other likes. Why? Because it sounds better and is less word-y. You don't need to use 'I am' sometimes or 'are not' with the exception that if you're doing a time-period story.
5.) Yu-Gi-Oh! versions of movies. I had an orginal comment but it was slightly insulting, so now that I am calmed down from my writing rage, I will re-write it and be more specific as to who I am talking to when I see a Yu-Gi-Oh! version of a movie. Now, when someone makes a movie version, I will look at it, decide what I think, and if it is too close to the movie for my tastes, I will move on and leave it alone and let others enjoy it if they wish. Now, if it is so much like the movie to the point that one is having the anime characters even sing the songs and I see it before I actually get into the story itself, I'm GONE. I am not pointing the finger at those who can take the plot and change it up to the point where your like, "It's almost like the movie, but it's still different." Those I will read along silently and at the end I will leave a review telling them a job well done. (It's just how I am.) Now, if you copy the movie, script for script, I will probably tell you that there is a possibility you can be sued, especially if you haven't put up any disclaimer at all, and I have seen it happen, and people review it like crazy, yeah, I'm going to get angry. Not many writers like it.
6.) When you get onto FanFiction, there is something everyone needs to understand. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and what I mean by that is that when you post a story and you get one bad review pointing out all the weaknesses in your story, your plots, pointing out mistake after mistake. It burns and hurts like a bitch, I know, cause I have gone through a story just like that. I deleted it because I was frustrated and insulted. But over time I learned that I could have rewritten that story and made it better. I was still writing and still alive in the end of that review. A flame? Ignore it and smile knowing that they can throw dirty word after dirty word and you will remain unharmed, alive, and your fingers will still work. Sure, your pride and ego will hurt a little bit but you know what, the human race has enough of that crap. If it's your dream to be a writer, then this should be an important lesson. Not everyone is going to like your stories that you have to share. Constructive Criticism is different, yes it still hurts to see someone point out your mistakes but they're usually pointing out what you could do better, a constructive criticism review is something you can learn from and improve upon in your skill of writing.
7.)Mary Sues.OCs or Other Characters, are made up to either push the plot along in some way or are there to provide a new villain or just a simple new friend. With careful planning, an OC can be very much loved by readers as long as the character is believable! So the question, when does an OC become so annoying and hated? That is when the writer creates the feared, and very much hated, Mary Sue. A Mary Sue, an overly perfect girl, is usually the fangirls' way of inserting herself into the story to be paired with the hottest character or main character. In the story she may claim to be plain and boring, but to everyone else around the MS, they shall no doubt droll over her, they magically gain skills out of no where and when they try something new, they never get anything wrong, something is wrong with them yet they can kick butts any day of the week, and so on. Mary Sues can also be spotted through odd names, (Serena, Angel, ect.) their hair color, and eye color, meaning, it you have a character named Angel with long flowing blond hair and rainbow colored eyes, chances are its a Mary Sue. Now, there are some good Mary Sues out there so we can cheer them on to save the day, (Like Nancy Drew) but here's the thing, Nacy Drew is a character some people can connect to, but no one can connect to an overly perfect girl who is all about perfectiony perfection. Right? Right, because NO ONE is perfect, so how is it possible to connect and understand a perfect person? I certainly couldn't.
8.)Mpreg. First off, why? Why would you want to make a male experince pregnancy? To me, a man having a baby would scare me. Now I'm not going to stand here and say that it's not possible, because it is. No, seriously, a fertilized egg can implant itself into almost any living tissue that it happens to alight upon and because the abdomen is filled with all sorts of tissues – from the intestines to the kidney, to the liver and the spleen. With successful implantation and sufficient placental formation, the embryo can develop normally into a fetus that can be carried through a full nine months of pregnancy. At the end, of course, it has nowhere to go unless it’s delivered by a modified Cesarian Section. The medical literature is filled with sporadic reports of healthy live-born babies that were carried by mothers pregnant in this unusual way. But then again, here is the cons to it all,“Abdominal pregnancy is a rare but life-threatening condition.” “Morbidity and mortality for both the fetus and the mother are considerable... Once the diagnosis is established, immediate surgical intervention is usually advisable.” “Care of the patient afflicted with it may present formidable challenges.” Abdominal pregnancy is considered a “life-threatening condition” because of the placental connection that the embryo must set up between itself and the body within which it lies. Unfortuntately, when an embryo implants into an abdominal tissue, detachment is not so simple. The problem is that the development of the placenta can cause complete intermixing between embryonic and host tissues so that there is no clean boundary between the two. The more extensive the intermixing is, the more problematic it becomes to remove placental tissue. The physician has to cut between the wholely placental tissue, and the intermingled placental-‘maternal’ tissue. Large blood vessels must be severed, and as a consequence, difficult-to-control internal bleeding can take place. Problems are not just confined to the stage at which a pregnancy is terminated. Long before the final event, a placenta can cause severe damage to an organ that it’s invaded with the possibility of spontaneous hemorrhaging that can quickly result in death.
So is male pregnancy possible? Probably yes.
Is male pregnancy safe? No, not at the present time. But at some point in the future, it’s likely that reproductive biologists will figure out how to direct the growth of the placenta away from vulnerable abdominal organs and onto an easily detachable, but blood-rich, surface for growth. And then, pregnancy will be possible for men who are 100% men.
And there you have it, the its, ifs, and what's ups on MPreg. If one can write it with these facts in mind and taking it all in and explaining things, I could probably read and stand it. (With some humor added, of course.) Now that is what I would call a reality check. :3 (Most info here I got from,Ignore spaces)
9.) Sending out a PM to others about reading a story. I don't mind these random PMs because I will go and read the story that so-and-so wanted me to read. But here's where the problem arrises out of this. Some people don't like this at all.Talking with a few of my school buddies who have a FanFiction account and a few of my friends who have actually published something, I've discovered that some don't enjoy this random message request. You have to think about this from all sides, yes, some like myself will agree to read it(and even though I don't leave a review I still look at it.)but then there will be those who will snap and get frustrated with this PM that they probably don't want to deal with. So here's some advise.
When you first start out writing in whatever your writing in, people won't jump to read your story at first because your new, just starting out and some people will skip over for a story that they see as more interesting or a writer that they are more familiar with. (This goes for everyone in every category here on FanFiction.) Some will take a look and if they like it, they'll tell you. Just because your story as so little reviews means nothing. What's important is the Followers and those that put your story in their Favorites. Just because you don't get one review doesn't mean no one likes your story. (I guess they just don't like to review or something.) I knew this story that had a hundred something favorites and even more followers but they had reviews under thirty. So remember, it's not just reviews.
So with that being said, some people don't like those random PMs and sometimes you'll end up with more of a negative response than the positive you may have wanted. So be aware of when you send those PMs.
(That's all for now, these are my opinions that are not meant to insult anyone.)
What I'm working on right now and what new stories I have in store . . .
Dragon Princess Collection (T)- A collection of one-shots that will go inbetween the main chapters of my story and fill in the blanks of what thy went through, their old relationships with each other. Atem and Anzu will be in their as well too! Even the dragon babies will have a chapter of their own!
The Abyss(M)- My first crime story, but this will be a mix of many, many things. Romance, crime, murder, Monty Python loving hackers. It should be interesting on how I'll put this all together. ;)
The Story of the FairyTale Detectives- Atem and Anzu are two well known detectives who get the job done, they've solved things from crimes to kidnapping cases. So when they get their new case its not what they think it is. Dangerously sharp thorny vines are over-taking a castle in Edinburgh, Scotland and they have to find out why and stop it before it spreads and consumes a small little town on the castle's outskirts. Can the two find out what's going on before the village is consumed or will the vines do just what they fear and in the process, release an ancient evil force that has long been sealed away?
The Fountain of Time (T)- Working on it.
When it Rains(T)- A romance story that I will complete on my computer and then slowly put up.
Story Requests- I do them, yes. But I have my limits. That means . . . one at a time.
Currently working with . . . someone. I've been asked not to give out the name.
My OCs. (If you want to use them then you must ask first! Thank you!!)
Age: would depend on the story.
Hair: Will sometimes have plain black hair that (depending on the story) will be longer than her own body. Other times it will go past her waist.
Eye Color: Crimson
Skin: It depends on the story.
She's the first daughter of Atem. She's brave, strong-willed, and will put up a fight. Her boldness is a strength and weakness. Her mother, whom she hates with a firey passion, hit her in the first three years of her life before Atem took her away, devorcing Keeta. (Name came from Iris Cross) Raven can be a bit cold-hearted at times, but she only shows her kind side to her family or those who are very close to her or the family.
2. Danny Mazaki (or Mutou)
Age: depends on the story.
Hair: Brown, some highlights in it.
Eye Color: An icy blue
Skin: White, a touch of tan.
The first son of Anzu. He's on the shy side, doesn't like the spotlight that much, and will step into something without thinking. (Sometimes) He's a good runner and kicker. Plays soccor. He's protective when it comes to his friends and family. (Of course, when he gets older he'll start saving the random lady or two.) He isn't as cold-hearted as Raven is, but he can be mean.
Age: depends on the story.
Hair Color: Tri-colored with blond bangs.
Eye Color: Purple
This isn't the Yugi Mutou from the anime. In in The Matchmakers and The Troublemakers, Yugi Mutou, (from the anime) is Atem's brother who died from illness. Anzu and Raven were looking in the atic looking through things when they found a picture of him. So when the triplets were born, she named the boy after Atem's brother.
Age: depends on the story
Hair color: Brown hair with blond bangs
Eye Color: A lighter purple than her older brother's, Yugi.
Aura is a sweet little girl who hates to stand out. She's the youngest of the triplets and very shy. Whenever she's in trouble, she'll hide behind Yugi or Eva (Dealing with The Matchmakers and The Troublemakers she'll also hide behind Raven and Danny) She's a very good artiest and can sing. As she gets older, her dream to be an artest and singer will continue to grow. (Though, because she's shy and doesn't like the spotlight she might be and artest.)
5. Eva Mutou
Age: depends on the story
Hair Color: tri-colored. Long black hair tipped with violet and blond bangs
Eye Color: Her left eye is Crimson and her right eye is Sapphire Blue (fire and ice)
Eva is the middle triplet. She's got a huge temper and hates bullies. She's bold and daring, but it can often end up as her weakness too if she's too bold and daring. Her eyes make it hard to make friends. (Ya know those christan extremist? She's even had bad run-ins with them. You can guess what they called her.) She's good at cooking, math, and using her fists. Repells religion, hates it, in fact. She sees it as a barrior. Protective of her family and friends and when she decideds something it's like arguing with a brick wall.
Age: Older than Fireball and the Armageddon Princess
Hair: A sliver-white color. Like pure ice.
Eye color: Silver with a hint of blue.
Iceage is a huge wolf with massive eagle-like white wings. When he was just a pup his orginal pack left him to die seeing his pale white fur as a bad omen. The Armageddon Queen saved his life, gave him wings, and taught him all that she knew. When his teachings were done and over with the Armageddon High Council made him an Armageddon. After becoming a powerful being he killed off all the wolves save for one named Silver who was blessed with the same colored fur as his. They became the Father and Mother of the New Wolves. Iceage also was married to the Armageddon Princess and had two daughters with her, Destiny and Fate.
Age: the youngest out of all the Armageddons
Hair: Brown, a messy version of Seto Kaiba's hair.
Eye color: Blue eyes with a blue flame that burns within his eye.
Skin: he has a bit of a tan, but still light skined.
Fireball was made with a pact by the Armageddon King and a Great Dragon, or the Ancient Dragons, and he became an Armageddon with the same teachings that the Queen taught Iceage. He had a slight crush of the Armageddon Princess but was knocked to the ground by Iceage which sparked a rivialry that has faded slightly. Over a long period of time he fought Iceage and lost. The world fell into Iceage's cold grip and Fireball trained so that he could beat him. He did and the Earth warmed up too fast for animals to adapt and change which gave him his name.
Fireball is the last of the Ancient Dragons and is known as the father of all dragons since the dragons today can trace back their bloodline to him.
1 part 2. Armageddon Princess (Raven)
Age: She's younger than Iceage but older than Fireball.
Hair: Black and very long. (Longer than her body)
Eye color: A gold and silver mix
Skin: Very pale.
Raven is the Armageddon Princess, daughter of the Armageddons Shadow and Destruction and Creation. She first made the stars to cheer up her father and spread light to the dark endless space. She is married to Iceage. They both had two daughters, Destiny and Fate. She can choose when a star's life is over with or how long a star will last. Venus was the very first star made, it is the proof of her love for her father.
Pelt color: White. One of the few wolves blessed by Iceage to have the color.
Eye color: A gray-blue color
Silver was a wolf that got Iceage interested in love in the first place. She was the last wolf that he left alive and was blessed with immortality. She is the Mother of all wolves and bows to no one other than Iceage. But when Iceage disapeared for many years, she mated with the regular wolves and was the mother of the she-wolf named Lupa, who found Romulus and Remus. She is said to reside in the arctic regions where Iceage's home is and her blessed children, the Arctic Wolves, live.
It is almost impossible to find her for she can turn into mist at any given moment.
Age: Older than the gods and goddesses but younger than the Armageddons.
Hair: A pale blond.
Eye color: she can choose any color she wishes
Fate asigned two paths for humans to follow. The Good Path and the Evil Path. But she limited her powers that way and will never gain the title of Armageddon unlike her sister, Destiny, who holds half the title. She is seen as an outcast to the Armageddons but due to the fact that both her parents are Armageddons, she is more powerful than the gods and goddesses. It is a forbidden law, not to mention taboo, to limit one's power if you are an Armageddon. As punishment, she would have only two sons and each would follow a different path. It is said that her two sons are God and Satan in some religions, others think different. Fate's lover was killed by Iceage himself.
Though she wishes to hate her parents for doing such a thing, she knows that she limited her power, and she faced the punishment for doing so. She can never truely turn her back to them because she is always driven to be accepted as an Armageddon.
Age: Same as Fate
Hair: Black, like her mother's.
Eye color: she can change it and choose any color she wishes
Skin: Not as pale, a little tan
Destiny holds half title of Armageddon. She feels pity for her yonger sister and refuses to take full title since her sister gets no title at all. Unlike her sister, Destiny has had no children and doesn't really see any human male a perfect match for her. Though she loves her sister very much, she still holds very, very bitter feelings for Fate because long ago when they were children they promised to become Aramgeddons together, now because Fate has limited herself, the promise was broken and she constantly reminds her sister of the broken promise.
Destiny is loyal to the Armageddons only and if the order is given by her mother or father, she will remove herself from the humans but also kill her younger sister if asked.
Eye color: Blood red. (Crimson, red, you pick.)
Skin: he has a tan, but not very deep.
Dark is the son of Zorc the Dark One. He is the opposite of his father who has no heart. Dark's mother, Vega, claimed him a traitor and started to stread untrue rumors of him taking Zorc off the throne. Before anything could be done about it, Dark left and looked for a way to keep himself busy when he ran into Anzu who beat him silly when he tried to take her place as Death. (In Becoming Death) Anzu made him apprentice and they share a sister and brother relationship.
I am the Girl...
But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird, who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words, who believes in her dreams, and knows the importance of the little things.
I found this, and I LOVED IT! What's not to like? This isn't from me btw. These came from...
If you would like to see this place please ignore the spaces as you type it in.
Important Questions to Ask as You Make a Story
1.“What Is This About?”
This is, quite seriously, my most favoritest — and what I consider to be the most important — question for any author, writer, storyteller or general-class penmonkey to ask. Like I’ve said in the past, this isn’t just a recitation of plot. This is you going elbow-deep into the story’s most tenderest of orifices and seeing what lies at the heart of the animal. It’s you saying, “This is about how when people are stripped of civilization they turn into monsters, man,” or, “It’s about how the son always becomes the father,” or, “You dance with the unicorn, you get horn-fucked by the unicorn, you feel me?” It’s aboutof your work, about exposing the emotional core and the truth one finds there. You ask this question to make sure your daily word count lines up with your overall desire.
2.“Why The Fuck Am I Writing This?”
What I call: “The Give-A-Fuck Factor.” Why do you give a fuck? Do you? Why will anyone else care? Figure out what makes your story worth writing. Maybe it’s a character. Maybe it’s an idea. Maybe it’s one scene somewhere in the third act you just can’t wait to write. Find out why you’re writing this. If you’re just phoning it in, wandering aimlessly through the narrative without purpose, the audience is going to feel that. The audience can smell confusion the way that dogs can smell fear and hobos can smell a can of beans. They’re like sharks, those hobos. HOBO SHARK II: BLOOD BEANS III. I dunno. Shut up.
3.“Is This My Story Written My Way?”
When I read a story by Joe Lansdale, I say, “That’s a goddamn Joe Lansdale story.” The voice is his. The story is his. The characters are his. You could drag me to an alternate universe where Joe Lansdale was never born and still I’d know that this book in my hands is a book by him. We have to own our fiction. We have to crack our chests open with rib-spreaders and plop our viscera right onto the page. It’s gotta be us living there. Feel out the story. Feel if this is your story written your way (and if not, make it so). Write something that matters to you. If it feels like you’re not there? Backtrack, find out where you lost the story (or the story lost you) and rediscover your voice and your path.
4.“Am I Ready?”
You ask this before you start your project and before every day of writing: am I ready? Writer and El Sexorcisto Jason Arnoppthe other day on the Twittertubes: “I’m seemingly destined to regularly forget that sometimes you’re not ready to write a script because you haven’t finished thinking about it.” Amen! So say we all. Sometimes you just haven’t done the brain-work. Or gotten all your plotting and scheming out of the way. It is our nature as impetuous creators to want to jump in and do a cannonball, but all that manages to do is make a mess. Sometimes, truth is, you’re just not ready.
5.“Does This Make Sense?”
Biggest problem with Hollywood big blockbuster movies these days is they don’t make a lick of goddamn sense. Seriously, I feel like I’m in— I’m constantly asking, “Do they expect me to believe this shit? Did they dose up a four-year-old on Nyquil and let him write this plot?” You’ll find plotholes so big you could lose a Rancor Monster in there. Don’t be that way. When you’re writing, revisit the problem: does everything line up? Nobody’s just… pulling a gun out of their asshole or suddenly crossing 2,000 miles of desert in a day? Anticipate that your readers are going to be intelligent and will be able to smell mayhem and foolishness from a mile away. Have everything make sense.
6.“What’s My Plan?”
Have a plan and cast a wary eye toward it daily. It’s okay if your plan is: “I’m going to write until I’m done.” It’s fine if your plan is, “I’m going to write the dialogue now, then a few big action pieces, then I’m going to go back and fill in all the gaps.” Doesn’t matter what the plan is: it only matters that you’ve contributed a little brain-think toward it. Don’t be a pair of loose underwear caught on a tree branch.
7.“What Do These Characters Want?”
Characters have needs, wants, and fears. Simple as that. John wants a boat. Mary fears gonorrhea. Booboo the Space Whale needs to eat a supernova-ing star or he’ll die. Every character is motivated, and that motivation is the engine that pushes them from one end of the scene and out the other. Asking this while writing helps you keep the motivations of these characters in line: these motivations drive the plot.
8.“What’s The Conflict?”
Every character has a motivation, and then you come along, the Big Ol’ Grumpy Dickhead Storyteller and throw all kinds of shit in their way to stop them from realizing their hopes and force them to confront their fears. This is conflict. Hiram wants to have a dance party at the country club but OH NOES he just got kicked out of the country club because his rival, Gunther, has been spreading lies about how Hiram likes to “lay with caribou.” Now Hiram must defeat the machinations of his rival and prove his worth to the country club. What Hiram wants is prevented by conflict. So, every day, identify the conflict. Not just in the overall story but in each scene. How do the little conflicts build to larger ones?
9.“What’s The Purpose Of This Scene?”
Every scene has its purpose. Find it. Expose it. In this scene, you need to show Rodrigo’s helplessness. In that scene, you must foreshadow the showdown between Orange Julius (Secret Agent: Orangutan) and his foe, Hobo Shark. The scene after will see the protagonist lose everything and drive home the overwhelming difficulty. Blah blah blah, etc. As you’re writing, find the purpose. Let it impel the day’s writing.
10.“What Has To Happen?”
Every plot is like a machine. Some are simple — a lever, a pulley, a nut-cracker. Others are far more complex. No matter what the case, every machine would fall apart and fail to function without certain key components, and your plot is like that. These are the legs of the chair: you need them or the story will fall over and break its teeth on the linoleum. Keep your eye on these. Know when you’re approaching one. Orchestrate them. Find the way to each. Make the No Man’s Land between them compelling, too.
11.“How Does The Setting Affect My Story?”
Setting matters. Setting contributes to conflict (snowy blizzard!), to interesting characters (Brooklyn hipster!), to mood (a low rumble of thunder indicating slow-approaching doom!). A great setting puts a great deal of story toys on the table. You’d be a fool not to grab a couple, put them into play.
12.“What Do I Want The Reader To Feel?”
. You’re here to pull strings and make people feel something — often intensely, often deeply. And so it behooves you to aim for a feeling rather than randomly hoping one occurs. In this scene you’re writing, what do you want the audience to feel? Hopelessness? Triumph? Delight? Fear? Do you want them to laugh so hard they get a nosebleed? Or cry until they fall into a grief-struck slumber?
13.“Am I Enjoying This?”
Not every day is going to be a thrill-a-minute. Some days the word count is bliss; other days it’s like brushing the teeth of a meth-cranked baboon. But you should keep an eye on your overall enjoyment levels. You should be finding some pleasure, some measure of satisfaction, with what you’re writing. If not, try to suss out the reason. If you find it a misery, there’s a chance the reader will feel that misery, too.
14.“Am I Taunted By An Endless Parade Of Distractions?”
As you write, it’s best to ask: oh, shit, am I actually writing? Because, as it turns out, being on Twitter doesn’t count. Nor does playing a video game. Or watching football. We writers are easily distracted, like raccoons, babies, and — I’m sorry, where was I? The sun just glinted on a quarter and I found myself mesmerized for — *checks watch* — about 45 minutes. Point is, if you’re easily distracted, you need to cut that shit out. If it continues, you need to find out why. Why is it you don’t want to write the thing you (theoretically) want to write?
15.“What Else Is In My Way?”
We all find our work hindered by various reasons. Family obligations, writer’s block, technical problems, depression, vibrant hallucinations, addictions to huffing printer ink, etc. Time to identify these reasons — and by reasons, I mean, “excuses” — and begin systematically eradicating them. Find what blocks you, and either remove the block or find a way around.
16.“Where Are My Pants?”
Trick question! You should know where your pants are. They should be as far away from you as possible. Good penmonkeys work pantsless. I, for instance, pull a “Garfield” and mail my pants to Abu Dhabi. Just keep your underwear on if someone unexpected (Mostly unwanted) walks in on you.
17.“Am I Writing To Spec?”
If you’re rocking the NaNoWriMo, you know your count is 50,000 words. Or maybe you’re writing a 90-page script, or a 5,000-word short story. Always keep your mind roughly orbiting your total potential word count: good writers know to write to spec and, in the day-to-day act of penmonkeying around, recognize when they’re on-target or off-base.
18.“What’s My Daily Word Count?”
Part of writing to spec is knowing what your daily word count should be. If you’re writing NaNoWriMo, it should be somewhere between 1500-2000 words per day. Hit the target. Bing bing bing bing bang, popcorn!
19.“Who Is My Audience?”
This can be as broad or as limited as you care to make it. Your audience might be, “Everybody who loves a good thriller” down to “Teen boys between the ages of 15-18 who still wet the bed.” Just as good authors write to spec, good authors also write to an audience. A speaker would tailor his speech to his audience, and so the writer must tailor his writing to an audience as well.
20.“Have I Saved Recently?”
I am an obsessive-compulsive saver. I will save at the end of every sentence if you give me a chance. Save a whole lot. Learn to ask yourself that question in order to keep it and the habit top-of-mind. Oh, and just so we’re clear: don’t rely only on auto-save. We cannot trust robots with our future. Because robots hate us mewling meat-bags and secretly work to undermine our so-called “agenda of the flesh.”
21.“Oh Shit, Do I Have This Backed Up In 72 Different Places?”
You must save often and back up your work across multiple sources. External HD? Cloud storage? E-mail yourself the draft? Print copy? ALL OF THE ABOVE, TYPED IN CAPS TO DRIVE HOME ITS SCREAMING IMPORTANCE. RAAAAR YELLING YELLING SNARRGH. Ahem. Point being, at the end of every day’s worth of word-making, back up the file in as many ways and places as you care to manage. Future You, upon suffering a cataclysmic hard drive shitsplosion, will thank Present You for being so damn smart.
22.“What Will I Write Tomorrow?”
Toward the end of this day’s word count, keep an eye on tomorrow’s story-telling endeavors. Maybe make a few in-document notes. Keep a hazy picture of what happens when you next sit down to write. You’ll be happy when tomorrow comes. Unless tomorrow doesn’t come and the robots have finally decided to wipe us from the planet like one might wipe a booger off a drinking glass. Fuckin’ robots, man. Fuckin’ robots!
23.“Does This Look Like Shit?”
Does today’s word count look like garbage? Spelling errors? Funky plotting? Hastily-scrawled poop? That’s okay. You’re allowed to do that. Just note it. Make a little checkmark in your brain, or even do a comment in the document — just know that today’s word count will necessitate you coming back, doing some clean-up.
24.“Is This A Good Day To Write?”
Trick question! Every day is a good day to write. Go and do that which you claim to be. Writers: write!
25.“Am I Asking Myself Too Many Goddamn Questions?”
Of course you are. This post posits too many questions to seriously ask yourself: the point isn’t to compulsively go through this list of questions day in and day out, but more to help take these questions and let them float in the back of your mind: if you grow too crazy about this, you’re going to be focused more on the answers than you are on your actual word count, and that’s not the point, not the point at all. These questions are — well, you know what they’re like? You know how when you drive on one of those go-cart tracks they have the haybales up or the rubber bumpers to stop you from careening off-track and to your fiery doom? These are like that. These questions are what help keep your go-cart from flinging off into infinite space. Let them shepherd your word count rather than overwhelm it. Don’t blow a gasket. Use them where they’re useful; discard them with they’re starting to fritz your circuitry.
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