Author has written 2 stories for Lord of the Flies, and Catcher in the Rye.
HEYY!!!! WHAT'S UP!!! Im not really the writing sort of person I much rather read everyone elses stories. But if I ever get off my lazy ass I'll try to come up with some sort of story. For now if there's a story that you want some feed back on just pm me and I'd love to read what u've got!!
My Fictionpress: http://www.fictionpress.com/u/831910/ (this is where my stories are.)
Harry Potter x Naruto
Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. (And people wonder why they can't beat me in an arguement)
I'm always right...unless I'm left...cause then I'm not right.
Disclaimer: Most of this stuff isn't mine. I got it off other authors or websites. So they belong to whoever they belong to.
I absolutly love this!!!!
13 Things I Hate About Everyone:
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? I'mma kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 bucks to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say "life is short". What the heck? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer?
9When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? Ears?, Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.
13.McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering... It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.
7 Ways to Scare your roommates (LOVE THIS)
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
A loving poem from a man to his wife
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.
After you, my love, my only prize
Of loving beauty you float with grace,
I thought that I could love no other
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
I want to feel your sweet embrace
Every time I see your face,
I saw your face as you walked by,
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
I see your face when I am dreaming
My love you take my breath away
My feelings for you no words can tell
Read a charming morning poem
I woke early one morning,
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Blondes Special Licnese
There was a blonde driving down the center of the road at 100 mph. A police officer pulled her over to the side of the road. When she had stopped, the officer asked, "License and Registration please."
"It's okay, Officer, I have a special license that allows me to do this," she said smiling.
"That's impossible!" The officer replied, "I've never heard of such a license."
To which the driver reached into her purse and handed him her license. Astonished, the Officer said, "Just as I suspected. This is an ordinary license, I see nothing here that would allow you special consideration."
She pointed to the bottom of the license and said, "Can you see this?? It says so right here: 'Tear Along The Dotted Line'."
'Blondes Are Not Stupid' Convention
80,000 blondes are gathered for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "18!" Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then, 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "90?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened. The blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "OK! OK! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "4?". Throughout the stadium, pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream ... Give her another chance! Give her another chance!
You know you live in 2011 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn;t even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Words of Wisdom and Quotes (Sorry if I have a few repeats, I can’t keep track of all of them)
-Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them
-Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat
-There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives
-Be patient. Waiting allows the development of humility.
-Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good?
-Nothing makes us so lonely as our own secrets.
-Don't let fear rule your life since F.E.A.R. stands for False.Evidence.Appearing.Real. Either that or it stands for First.Encounter.Assault.Recon.
-Asking for patience is asking for more problems...
-Living in denial is living a lie.
-A weak opponent in the past can become a dangerous one in the future.
-Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its pupils.
-A man with nothing to lose is capable of anything
-When you curse someone, you dig your own grave.
-Because our entire universe is made up of consciousness, we never really experience the universe directly we just experience our consciousness of the universe, our perception of it, so right, our only universe is perception.
-When outnumbered, don't think of it as outnumbered, think of it as a wide target selection.
-Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.
-Silence is the most pleasing sound, so shut up.
-Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Learn to recognize when speed is not important. Race when being first is important; move at your own pace at all other times. It is not necessary to always strike the first blow, to provide the first solution, or to reach a goal before anyone else does. In fact, it is sometimes vital to strike the last blow, to give the final answer, or to arrive after everyone else.
-War does not determine who is right only who is left.
-Heroes come and go, but the stories never change, the battle between good and evil will rage on for millenniums to come, yet through out all time there is one thing that has never changed, evil never dies, and heroes never surrender!
-One who does not sacrifice anything cannot achieve anything.
-You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same!
-I don't hit people, I only Hi-5 their faces!
A true friend sees the 1st tear, catches the 2nd, and bitchslaps the mothafucker that causes the 3rd.
Call me what you want; I really don't care. But if you insult my friends...see here, buddy, let's take a walk. Let me give you a little hint: call the police you stupid litte shit, 'cause there's about to be a murder.
I pray for wisdom to understand him, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because if I pray for strength, I'll just beat the shit out of him.
You're my best friend in the whole world. I would do anything for you. And since I know you would want me to stay safe, I'll trip you if zombies start chasing us.
I only seem like a smartass 'cause I'm surrounded by dumbasses.
Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine.
Trust no man, fear no bitch.
Hating me won't make you pretty.
Don't underestimate me, pal. See this smile? It's not really a smile. It's a destraction so I can punch you in the face.
MENtal anxiety, MENtal breakdown, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... Did you ever notice how all of out problems begin with MEN?
May God have mercy on my enemies, 'cause I sure as hell won't.
It's a beautiful day... now watch some asshole fuck it up.
I swear, officer. I didn't punch her; I just high-fived her face.
Didn't give a fuck yesterday, don't give a fuck today, probably won't give a fuck tomorrow.
He who laughs last didn't get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
Most women say that men should have to suffer through periods like us; not me. If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons.
Therapy pays off later; screaming obsentities and beating the shit out of people pays off now.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and 4 to reach out and slap someone.
I'd take a bullet for you. Not in the head, like in the leg or something.
Worst. Idea. Ever. [pause] Let's do it.
People who investigate noises in horror movies deserve to die.
It's better to have loved and lost than to live with the physco for the rest of your life.
I've probably learned more from Google than I have from school
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.
I'm not easily distr. . .OMG! SHINY!
95% of people would panic if the Jonas brothers stood on the roof of a 3 story building and said they were about to jump. If you are one of the 5 who would get all of your friends, some popcorn, and a soda and scream "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!" copy this
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off
There are 3 kinds of people in this world. those who can do math and those who can't.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Keep smiling- it makes everyone wonder what your up too
I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.
Kids are the future. Be scared. Be very scared.
When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in life's eye. and say 'How much you like lemons now, Life, huh? Huh?'
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! but not my brain. I need that.
Therapy is expensive. popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide.
Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.
Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
A idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
There's no 'I' in 'TEAM' but there's a 'U' in 'SUCK'!
I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.
I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly
I did not hit you. I simply high-fived your face.
I didn't run into the door, my face decided to say hello.
I never finish anyth
People are like slinkies, basically useless. But it's still amusing to watch them fall down the stairs
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that it up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!
If you have ever woundered what it was like to be a character in a movie, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever woundered what it was like to be the opposite gender, copy and paste this to your profile.
Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much
Con is the opposite of pro, so Congress the opposite of progress.
Sorry, but I’m in a rush. I’m going to try to kill one of your friends now, bye!
"I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned."
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
“I don’t see you doing anything.” - “No, you don’t; but thinking doesn’t usually require much movement.”
Heaven kicked me out. Hell is afraid I'll take over.
I am fluent in English, Gobbledegook and Sarcasm
Dont upset me - I'm running out of places to put the bodies.
Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.
My personal motto, ‘If you can’t beat them, join them; if you can’t join them, kill them; if you can’t kill them, blow them all to kingdom come!”
I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
Caution! Blonde thinking.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
Simplicity killed the cat--Curiosity was framed.
A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
No Trespassers! Violators will be shot, survivors will be shot again.
Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire, God would never trust an Englishman in the dark. (No offense intended)
Sometimes I Wonder, "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?" and then it hits me!!
The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Normal people make good pets.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia-is the fear of long words
Death is God's way of saying, 'You're fired!' with no second chance. Suicide is humanity's way of saying, 'You can't fire me! I quit!
Where negotiation and diplomacy fail, high explosives substitute nicely.
Join The Army! Journey to exotic places, meet new people, then kill them.
I didn't say it was your fault, I just said I was going to blame you!
Silence is golden, but duck tape is silver.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If a person with multiple personalities decides to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
What does OK actually mean?
We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!
Jamie is like a slinkie... basically useless.. but yet so amusing to watch him fall down stairs!!
Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and you LOSE that it's weird.
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Anything Ken can do, Barbie can do better...MUCH better.
The voices in my head are telling me I will get back to you as soon as they are done with me.
One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!
Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead.
Dream as if you will live forever, Live as if its your last day.
The problem with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, but with absolutely no talent. (Hugh Leonard, Irish writer)
LIFE is too SHORT to WAKE UP in the morning with REGRETS. So LOVE the people who TREAT you RIGHT, FORGET about the ones who DON'T. BELIEVE that EVERYTHING happens for a REASON. If you get a CHANCE, TAKE IT. If it changes your LIFE than LET IT. NOBODY said it'd be EASY, they just PROMISED that it'd be WORTH IT!
ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder
Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have.
Somebody needs a Happy Meal.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.
Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!
To put it nicely, I hope you choke.
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
Would you like a cookie? So would I.
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.
A day without sunshine is like... night.
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot
Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!
Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
I do what cheerios tell me.
I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.
If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.
Okay...so there's this thing called retarded-ness and me and my freinds, well...We've gone pro.
"I'm not crazy. I'm psychotic. There's a difference."
"My attention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you all at the same time."
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."
"Don't get mad; get sadistic."
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
"Common sense is the enemy of comedy."
"Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an ART."
"My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am."
"Knowledge is power; power is the root of all-evil. Therefore studying is evil."
"I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!"
"You know what?! Earth sucks, I’m going home."
"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity."
"your a great friend but if the zombies come I'm tripping you."
"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable; like a coma?"
"What is this 'kindness' you speak of?"
"Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking."
“They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.”
"Every rule has an exception, including this one." - this is probably my second favorite quote out there simply because it completely true and awesome.
"Any thing that can go wrong will, at the last possible moment" - Darwin's law, it's my third favorite quote for the reason above.
"Nobody move! I dropped me brain." - Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Carribean (Katt stated that I should add this when we were watching Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End so I told her that I'd say that she said I should add this to my quote list. And so: Katt said I should add this.)
"Blood is red because of these gay trolls that live in your red blood cells. But they're sensitve, so we call them homo goblins or more commonly known as hemoglobins." - Katt. (she came up with this in science...don't ask.)
"anything can be fixed/solved with: bubble gum, bailing wire or duct tape. (Or in katt's version: chocolate, duct tape or C4)"
"duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it binds the universe together."
"honor the power of the off switch" - Omi from Xiaolin Showdown.
"If my body must suffer than so must yours." "Where is that in the bible?" - my brother and I.
"I think I owe you one, that was actually fun." Pause. "That time you cried and I let your parents stay at my condo." Strait-oh-crap-face-with-an-oh-uh-smile. "Yep" - Harvey and Donna, Season 1-Episode 4 "Bailout" of Suits.
Take Time To Read Each Sentence
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
this is person cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now read the THIRD word of every line :)
*instructions; number your twelve favorite Naruto characters in order and answer the questions!
1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven Fanfic before?
2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
3) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
4) Do you recall any fics about Nine?
5) Would Two and Six make a good couple?
6) Five/Nine or Five/Ten?
(Kyuubi\Sasori) or (Kyuubi\Shisui) Definitely the second one. *Shudders inwardly at prospect of the first*
7) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex
(Deidara-Sakura\Neji) I really have no freakin clue.
8) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten Fanfic.
(Pein\Shisui) I don’t write stories, I read them, so no summary for you. But I might actually read that.
9) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff?
10) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic.
11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to de-flower One?
12) Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
13) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
14) Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five ?
15) What might ten scream at a moment of great passion?
(Shisui) How the heck show I know!!!!
16) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?
17) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
18) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two?
19) How might Eleven describe a relationship between Two and Eight?
(Zetsu-Sakura\Madara) You know this came up in a fic I read, but I just can’t for the life of me remember what it said.
20) How emo is Seven?
(Deidara) I highly doubt that Deidara is emo. Suicidal,yes. But emo, definitely not!!!
(These aren’t mine I got them off of boredatuni.com, each underlined sentence is a different segment!)
Read some stupid answers given on game shows
Name something a blind person might use - A sword
Name a song with moon in the title - Blue suede moon
Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell
Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar
Name a dangerous race - The Arabs
Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers - A horse
Name something that floats in the bath - Water
Name something you wear on the beach - A deckchair
Name something Red - My cardigan
Name a famous cowboy - Buck Rogers
A number you have to memorize - 7
Something you do before going to bed - Sleep
Something you put on walls - Roofs
Something in the garden that's green - Shed
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine - A bicycle with wings
Something you might be allergic to - Skiing
Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters
Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate
Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog
Something associated with the police - Pigs
A sign of the zodiac - April
Something slippery - A con-man
A food that can be brown or white - Potato
A jacket potato topping - Jam
A famous Scotsman - Jock
Another famous Scotsman - Vinnie Jones
Something with a hole in it - Window
A non living object with legs - Plant
A domestic animal - Leopard
A part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee
A way of cooking fish - Cod
Finally - Women have been analyzed
Tests 1. Pure specimens turn bright pink when found in their natural state.
Hazards: 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
You may be stupid if...
...you can't remember how to spell "IQ."
...you can't remember the number for 911.
...you just discovered your AM radio also works in the afternoon.
...you use correction fluid on your PC monitor.
...you fail Physical Education.
...you can not spell it.
...you try to turn the light on to find a flashlight in a power outage!
...you put braille on a drive up teller machine.
...you think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
...you think a pigpen is something to write with!!!
...you think a cartoon is a song about automobiles.
...you use your CD-ROM unit as a drink holder.
...you frequently misspell your own name.
...you've ever been stuck in a toilet seat.
...you walk your kid to school because you're in the same grade.
...it takes you two hours to watch 60 minutes.
...you often wonder who Ronald McDonald's parents are.
...you sell your car for gas money.
...you think Hamburger Helper comes with a man.
...you try thinking and nothing happens.
...you think a quarterback is a refund
...you think hot dogs are real meat.
...people nick-name you Homer.
...you cook Minute Rice for an hour!
...upon approaching a traffic sign that says STOP AHEAD, you reach over and grab your passenger by the top of the head.
...you lose $25 on a horse race and then lose $25 on the instant replay
...you were the one testing out the shark bite suit.
...you get tangled up in a cordless phone.
...you need to be reminded to breath.
...someone tells you to call 911, and you can't find the 11!
...you take a donut back cause it has a hole in it!
...you stare at an orange juice can because it says concentrate.
...you have to look "stupid" up in the dictionary.
...you sit on the TV and watch the couch.
...you tell your wife not to laugh as you point a gun to your head, because she is next!
...you think Yogi Bear played for the Yankees.
...you bronze a gold medal as a keep sake.
...you get lost in your closet.
... you take an I.Q. test and forget to write your name.
...you go around a revolving door looking for the door knob.
...you list the police department as a reference on your resume.
...you get fired from volunteer work.
...a hamburger is a cheeseburger, hold the cheese, to you.
...you run around looking for a quarter to call 911.
...you can't find the "ANY" key on the keyboard.
...you feel for one millisecond that you may have won the sweepstakes this time despite the fact that it is stamped in clear view "bulk rate."
...you try to look up a word in the dictionary without knowing how to spell it correctly, and you can't find it. Feeling like a ''genius'', that you realize that WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY made an error.
...you have to look on both ends to open a bottle.
...someone offers you a bagel and you reply, "No thanks, I already have a dog!"
...you turn the light on to see if it's dark.
...you take your chia pet for a walk.
...you wear your glasses while looking for them.
...you think it's funny when someone makes fun of you.
...you laugh at yourself when you step in dog crap.
...you come out of the shower and burp a soap bubble.
...you can't find your ringing phone.
...you ask someone "Can I ask you one question?".
...you're saying "I don't get it!" right now.
...you put the milk in the dishwasher and the glass in the fridge.
...you can't find this website.
...you see a sign with a cigarette with a \ through it and just think that the owner of that sign hates drugs, and then light a cigarette.
...you can't get online right now.
...you went to the library to read.
...you figured you were stupid from the last line you just read.
...you just threw your monitor out the window.
...you just walked outside to see if you had mail because your computer said you did.
...you went to a movie to catch up on some reading.
...you tried to get off drugs by pushing the "Caps Lock" key.
...you used your friends computer to get home by pressing "Home".
...you typed your soc. security number in just for fun
...you just played 53 pickup
...you put doritos in a tennis ball launcher and had one smack you in the head.
...you pushed the "emergency stop" button on an elevator to see what it did.
How about some highly interesting (read useless) facts?
1. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
2. Coca-Cola was originally green.
3. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
4. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
5. The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:Alaska
6. The percentage ofAfricathat is wilderness: 28% (now get this..)
7. The percentage ofNorth Americathat is wilderness: 38%
8. The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
9. The average number of people airborne over theUSany given hour: 61,000 (wonder if this one is still true)
10. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
11. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived inChinain 1910.
12. The youngest pope was 11 years old.
13. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
14. ThoseSan FranciscoCable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
15. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
16. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
17. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
18. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
20. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
21. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that make them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
22. Until the St. Louis Rams, no NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Super bowl.
23. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars Game.
Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
Q. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show?
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
2. It was the accepted practice inBabylon4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.
3. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in oldEngland, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
4. Many years ago inEngland, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
5. In ancientEnglanda person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.*.*.*. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that came from.
6. InScotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden... and thus the word GOLF entered the vocabulary.
Would you sue God??
In 1970 anArizonalawyer named Russel H. Tansie filed a $100,000 damage suit against God. The suit was filed on behalf of Mr. Tansie's secretary, Betty Penrose, who accused God of negligence in His power over the weather when He allowed a lightning bolt to strike her home. Ms. Penrose won the case when the defendant tailed to appear in court. Whether or not she collected has not been recorded.
You'd never be caught out by trick questions...would you?
Welcome to The Weakest Link.
Here is a very simple little test comprised of four questions to determine the level of your intellect. Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating or wasting time.
And NO CHEATING. On your mark, set...GO!!!
1: You are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in second place.
If you answered that you're now coming first then you're completely wrong. You overtook the second runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.
For the next question try not to be so dumb.
2 : If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in?
If you answered second-last, once again you're completely wrong. Think about it...How can you over take the person coming last? If you're behind them then they can't be last. The answer is impossible!!
It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points. You would make a good door-stop!!! Anyway, here's another to try, don't take any notes or use a calculator, and remember your replies must be instantaneous.
3 : Take 1000. Add 40. Add another 1000. Add 30. 1000 again. Plus 20. Plus 1000. And plus 10. What is the total ?
5000??? Wrong again!!!!
4 : Marie's father has five daughters:
Question: What is the fifth daughter's name?
Answer: Chuchu??? WRONG!!!!!
You are clearly the weakest link...GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Something Americans might find interesting (and the rest of us will find funny!)
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300° C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Enjoy paying your taxes.
A good example of an idiot ringing technical support
Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A drive won't work."
Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."
Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"
Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out and that didn't work either."
Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."
Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"
(At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.)
Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"
Customer: "I said I put butter in my A drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"
( Silence. )
Tech Support: "Sir?"
Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer!"
Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, but instead proceeded to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"
Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"
Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day!"
Why punctuation is important
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
One guy with a serious complaint to NTL!
Dear Cretins, I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your three-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions.
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties -- or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.
My initial installation was canceled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website. HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes -- an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -- such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.
Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over four weeks my modem arrived ... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet servers downtime is roughly 35% -- the hours between about 6 pm and midnight, Monday through Friday, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made nine calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman. And several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle moments to attend to.
Frankly I don't care. It's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought British Telecom was shit; that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations; and that no one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?
How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
BT -- wankers though they are -- shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you.
I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver. Any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief -- quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit -- they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.
Have a nice day. May it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
One of these silly email forwards...with a difference!
Think of a letter between A and W.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Keep going . . . Don't stop . . .
Think of an animal that begins with that letter.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Think of a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animals name.
Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.
Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level
Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand.
Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name?
Of course not...
Now smack yourself in the head, get a life, and quit playing stupid e-mail games!
More Men v Women stuff
Smart man + smart woman =3D romance
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
The Fundamental Differences Between Men & Women
Women love cats.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
What a woman says:
What a man hears:
What is written on a job advert, and what it actually means
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
"APPLY IN PERSON"
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Some suggestions to lighten up exams
If you're going to go down, go down with style. Failing your final exam can actually be an amusing experience, depending on what you make of it. Here are some suggestions...
Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
Come into the exam wearing a pair of birkenstocks, and nothing else.
Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc..).
Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink).
Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you start to hold your mouth and make "I'm about to bring something up" sounds.).
Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations.
Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
Bring cheat sheets FROM ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out, too) and staple them to the exam with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
One word: Wrestlemania.
Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
Play Frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why My Professor Sucks".
Why English is the hardest language to learn
1, The bandage was wound around the wound.
2, The farm was used to produce produce.
3, The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4, There is no time like the present, so he thought he would present the present.
5, When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
6, He did not object to the object.
7, The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
8,The oarsmen had a row about how to row.
9, he was too close to the door to close it.
10, A stag does strange things when the does are present.
11, After a number of injections my jaw became number.
12, The artist saw a tear in his painting and shed a tear.
13,She had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
14, An army chef decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
There are no eggs in an eggplant, no apple or pine in pineapple.
Quicksand works slowly.
Boxing rings are square.
Guinea pigs are neither fromGuineaor are pigs.
Writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham.
If a vegetarian eats veg, what does an humanitarian eat?
A slim chance and a fat chance are similar.
So are quite a lot and quite a few.
But overlook and oversee are very different.
You fill in a form to fill it out.
An alarm goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, you see their light but when the lights are out you see nothing.
Talk about "ask a silly question"...
How do they get deer to cross at their special road sign?
How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? (Does he employ a splinter group?)
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock?
If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless, naked, or both?
Sad News - The Pilsbury Doughboy died yesterday
It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following:
Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pilsbury spokesman. The Pilsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus, they had a bun in the oven. His elderly father, Pop Tart, also survives him.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects; including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, and The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, as well as Captain Crunch.
The gravesite was piled high with flours as long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. He rose quickly in show business, yet his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie; wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he was still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes, until done. Truly, a sad day.
Do a quiz with absolutely no trick questions. Kinda.
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makesPanamahats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) TheCanary Islandsin the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) How long did the Thirty Years War last?
1) 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.
3) From sheep and horses.
4) November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.
5) Squirrel fur.
6) The Latin name was Insularia Canaria -Islandof the Dogs.
7) Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of QueenVictoriathat no future king should ever be called Albert.
8) Distinctively crimson.
10) Thirty years, of course. From 1618 to 1648.
Read some particularly badly formed headlines
Not suprisingly (harsh but true), most of these supposedly true newspaper headlines are from the USA...
March Planned For Next August
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip
L.A.Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through
Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Half ofU.S.High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
Read some supposedly true signs from around the world
Supposedly true signs from around the world
In a Tokyo Hotel:
In a Bucharesthotel lobby:
In a Leipzigelevator:
In a Belgradehotel elevator:
In a Parishotel elevator:
In a hotel in Athens:
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
In a Japanese hotel:
In the lobby of a Moscowhotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Outside a Hong Kongtailor shop:
In a Bangkokdry cleaner's:
Outside a Parisdress shop:
In a Rhodestailor shop:
From the Soviet Weekly:
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
In a Zurichhotel:
In an advertisement by a Hong Kongdentist:
In a Romelaundry:
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
In a Swiss mountain inn:
In a Bangkoktemple:
In a Tokyobar:
In a Copenhagenairline ticket office:
On the door of a Moscowhotel room:
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
In a Budapestzoo:
In the office of a Roman doctor:
In an Acapulcohotel:
In a Tokyoshop:
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
Read some very funny answering machine messages
These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
Check out some supposedly true and very funny answers in a written driving test
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
25 Steps To Building A Webpage
1. Download a piece of Web authoring software ~ 20 minutes.
This is a really good beer problem information sheet
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
Check out the top 20 homicides
Every year the US FBI is asked to investigate over 36,000 serious crimes including Murder/Homicide. Every year the Homicide Investigations Unit publishes its "Top 20 Homicides of the Year".
20. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a 20" vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged bout of "fun" she snapped, pushing all 20" of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.
19. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.
18. Peter Stone, 42 years old, is murdered by his 8 year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her father's coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed. She was given a suspended sentence as the judge felt she didn't realize what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later.
17. David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girlfriend after he attempted to "have his way with her". His unwelcome advance was met with a prompt kick in the chest and then 4 shots from a double barrelled shot gun Carla's (the girlfriend) father had given to her an hour before the date started, just in case.
16. Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to pay his rent for 8 years (yes, 8 years). The landlord Kirk Weston clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had been since Mr Halos paid his rent.
15. Mary-Lee Cooper, 11 years old, was killed by her 1-year-old sister who climbed on top of her while she was sleeping, suffocating her.
14. Megan Fri, 44 years old, is killed by 14 State troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town simulation. Seeing the troopers all walking slow down the street Megan had jumped out in front of them and yelled "Boo!" The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting their target. "She just looked like a very real looking target." one of the toppers stated in his report.
13. Fiona Given, 17 years old, was killed by a "Hit Man" hired by her ex-boyfriend after she broke off their relationship. The "Hit Man" was promised $500,000 for the task. The "Hit Man" also killed the boyfriend after he found out that a 16 year old high school student, whose father was in jail for rape, and mother worked as an ironing lady, didn't have access to $500,000.
12 LouisZaragoza, 68 years old, was killed as he prepared to drive to work. Lee Zaragoza had been plotting to kill him for over a year, and had cut the brakes on his car 4 times previously. On this attempt Lee was just about to cut the brakes again when Louis snuck up behind her, grabbed her and spun her around. As he did, she lost her footing and stumbled into him, stabbing him in the lower ventricle of the heart, killing him instantly.
11. Mummod Foli was killed by an unknown member of the Russian Mafia after he accidentally took away the gangster's drink too soon as the nightclub he worked in. The gangster was so upset he forced the waiter to drink over 27 liters of Coca Cola (the drink he had taken away) until Mummod drowned.
10. Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael because she talked on the phone too long. Michael clubbed his sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken aerial.
9. Helena Simms, wife of famous American nuclear scientist, Harold Simms, was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the neighbor. Over a period of 3 months Harold substitutedHelena's eye shadow with a Uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of Radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many symptoms, including total hair loss, skin welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off, the victim never went to a doctor or hospital for a check up.
8. Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his "two timing wife" by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4) the Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kgs of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. Several persons, some up to 14 kilometers away, witnessed the explosion. No traces of the car or the victim were ever found, only a crater 55 meters deep and 500 meters of missing road.
7. Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbor in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbor, Falt Hame, for years had a mounted F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at an empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately. Not liking this he invited Miss Winter over "for a cup of coffee and a chat" about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know that he had changed the position of the engine, as she walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5,000 degrees, killing her instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.
6. Michael Lewis, angry at his gay boyfriend, used the movie, "Die Hard, With a Vengeance" as inspiration, drugged his boyfriend Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double sided white board that read "Death to all Niggers!" on one side, and "God loves the KKK" on the other side. Lewis then drove the victim to down townHarlemand dropped him off. Two minutes laterBerrywas deceased.
5. Jay Newton was killed after a co-worker at Sea World Florida dropped a 20 ton killer whale on him. The whale had been hoisted out of his tank by a Master Ton Crane. When the victim swam underneath to inspect the harness his colleague, Brian Hartley released the whale, crushing the victim instantly (and emptying 1/4 of the water from the pool).
4. Carl Densinter, 34 years old, was killed by a fellow worker trying to prove a point. The worker, San Amote Pet, disconnected the internal landing gear settings on a Boeing 747 test plane. The plane's gear automatically retracted after take off, but come landing time they wouldn't deploy. The helpless Densinter could not do a thing as the plane ran out of fuel, in an attempt at an emergency landing the 747 exploded. Densinter was killed instantly
3. Mary Dridely, Joseph Coles and Haven Gillies were killed as they walked past aNew Yorkapartment building. David Smee, 7 years old, and his 6 year old sister were left alone in their 27th floor hotel room by their parents as they went to the hotel's gaming room. Bored, the kids thought it might be fun to try and squish the "ant looking things on the foot path below." They started by throwing fruit, then quickly graduated to chairs, televisions, even the drawers from the bedroom dresser.
2. Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem, and had no sense of smell. After the argument Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later and turned on the 3 gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, "Sorry for the spree, have a puff on me, Brian" Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house, and himself in the process.
1. Gail Queens, 23 years old, was killed by her Zookeeper boy- friend Matthew Kellaway after she refused sex. He "invited her" to the zoo to the see the lions feeding. She accepted and he then led her into a room that had a large slide away panel. He explained to her that it was a large glass viewing window to watch the lions devour their prey. He "ducked out for a quick smoke" and locked her in the room. Suddenly the slide away panel opened to reveal many persons starring at her; she was just about to yell and tell them that they were on the wrong side of the glass when she realized that it was she who was on the wrong side. Another panel opened and 3 hungry lions were let into the pen. Gail survived for 2 days in hospital before dying of massive internal injuries.
Actual answers given by students on their test papers
Men are mammals and women are femammals.
Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones.
Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is called gross anatomy.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars and eight cuspidors.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
Learn how to be a gangsta in 5 easy steps!
How To Be A Gangsta (In 5 Simple Steps)
1. You have to master the swagger of your typical homie. Watch MTV for inspiration, then imitate the ridiculous walk of your favourite rap star.If you find yourself having difficulties, visualize yourself with a massive case of hemmorhoids, and/or a pickle shoved up your ass. A big pickle.
-- Are your feet wider apart than your shoulders?
2. Language is very important. When attempting to fit in with the rap community, you must forget everything you have learned about the English language and how to speak it properly. It helps if you have some sort of speech impediment, preferably one which makes you sound like you have a mouth full of oatmeal at any given point. Remember, contractions are your new god. Practice at home, at the bus station, at school; anywhere you can.
yo'ma'ma = A derogatory term, used to insult your mother. (Note: this is supposed to incense you.)
-- Do you use four-letter words within 30 seconds of each other?
3. You'll have to acquire a g' name. 2-Pac is a popular one, as is Biggie. (For more information, see "people" section below.) Or, there's always shortening your name to the first letter of your first name, then adding an adjective. For example, there's Lil' J, or Big R. You can also go with just the adjective: Slim, Shorty, etc. You'll fit right in.
-- Does your name sound stupid?
4. You'll need to be hip to the rap gurus of the moment. A commonly idolized rapper, 2-Pac, was shot some time ago. In the "softcore" rap crowd, Ma$e and Puff Daddy are really cool. Busta Rhymes, Lil' Kim, Biggie Smalls (also dead), Snoop Doggy Dog and Dr. Dre are also cult favourites. Feel free to mix 'n' match at will.
With the celebrities, come the "sides". There's Westside and Eastside. They have nothing to do with where you are on a map. To demonstrate your undying allegiance to the Westside, cross the two middle fingers on one hand, and wave that hand about profusely, whilst shouting "Wess'ide, man..Wess'ide!" This will go over big. The Eastside sign is formed by turning the previously-made W upside down, in the shape of an M. One will shout "Yo'mofos! Eass'ide rules!" or something of that ilk. Make sure, before you attempt the hand signs, that you're with a group of the same patriotism, or else you'll get a can of whoop'ass opened on you. Y'all, rather.
-- Can you name the past five rap stars to have gotten shot?
5. G' clothing is rather simple. For pants, all you need to do is cruise the local mall until you find a really fat person. Check out the waist size on his jeans, then head to the nearest store playing rap music to buy a matching pair. They must also be long. You'll know you've made a good buy when you have three yards of fabric bunched about your ankles. You must wear them low-slung as well. The prerequisite, an assumed few pairs of cool boxer shorts, should be mostly hanging out. But to complete your lower half, you must own a stylin' belt. The purpose of this belt is not altogether clear, save for it holds your pants firmly against your upper thighs and restricts movement, making the rap strut easier. Trust me.
As for what kind of pants to wear, army pants (in any, and all, colours), jeans, tearaways and cargo pants will all do nicely.
On your top half, you should wear shirts which would fit the fat man at the mall. At the same store where you bought your pants, you will find the bright colours that are a necessity to successful gangsta dress.Oranges, yellows, and greens are especially good. T-shirts are acceptable, provided they have sleeves that reach halfway down your forearm, and that they come at least halfway down your thigh. Sweatshirts should be almost as long, and have either Nike or Fubu emblazoned across the front. Never, EVER get caught dead in a sweater. Jackets are easy. All you need is something that's shiny, bright, and looks like it would fit a 300-pound Eskimo, as well as be suitable for said Eskimo's environmental surroundings.
For shoes, again, Nikes and Fubus are the best. Reeboks and Adidases are fine for the beginning g'. They have to have cost at least $150, and be shiny and bright. You might as well forget how to tie knots, because the gangsta who ties his shoes up, gets beat up. You can accessorize with one of those key chain straps (the ones that circle your neck) that seem to be all the rage. It must say Fubu on it, of course. A hat is good, as long as it's got one of the previously-mentioned trade names on it. Turn the hat sideways for extra respect. That's spelled R-E-S-P-E-C-T. You can always go with a handkerchief as well, with the hat or alone. Snoop Doggy Dog wears one, if you need celebrity reinforcement.
-- Could you put on 200+ pounds and not have it be noticed while dressed?
Ponder these imponderables!
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What happens if you open it somewhere else?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways inHawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Learn how to give more than 100%
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
Here is how to achieve 103%.
Here is a little maths that might prove helpful in the future!...
H A R D W O R K
K N O W L E D G E
A T T I T U D E
B U L L S H I T
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A S S K I S S I N G
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, its really the BULLSHIT and the ASSKISSING that will put you over the top.
Learn what these computer industry acronyms really mean!
CIA - Computer Industry Acronyms
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can't See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
CA: Constant Acquisitions
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.
LEGAL MORON LAWSUITS
In 1994, aNew Mexicojury awarded $ 2.9 million in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin, and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in theU.S.The ones listed below are clear candidates from 1997 through last year.
All these cases are verging on the outright ridiculous and show (in the good oldUSA) with the proper attorney and right jury you could be awarded anything! (O.J. had to wait for his second trial to get his financial comeuppance. That was perhaps a rarity of "justice." The below are not rare; just plain outrageous.)
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson ofAustin,Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little prick was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19-year-old Carl Truman ofLos Angeleswon $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his the car's hubcaps.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson ofBristol,Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. Mr. Dickson sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams ofLittle RockArkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in yard with Mr. Williams. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. May 2000: APhiladelphiarestaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson ofLancaster,Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Walton ofClaymont,Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
7. (Date missing): And just so you know that cooler heads do occasionally prevail: Kenmore Inc., the makers of Dorothy Johnson's microwave, were found not liable for the death of Mrs. Johnson's poodle after she gave it a bath and attempted to dry it by putting the poor creature in her microwave for "just a few minutes, on low." The case was quickly dismissed.
Why you should be proud to be British!
Proud to be British!
Very proud to be British because...
Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain... do we buy hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight.
Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
In 2000, eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
HOW TO INSTALL SOFTWARE, the Truth!
1. Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software. It should look something like this:
NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.
2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.
3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:
4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."
5. If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
6. Turn the computer on, you idiot.
7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
8. You will hear grinding and whirring noises for awhile, after which the following message should appear on your screen:
The installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:
9. After you make your selection, you will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does God knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a food processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."
10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:
CONGRATULATIONS The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. You may now attempt to run your software. If you experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, or intestinal parasites, you should immediately *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$.
11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.
12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.
Some rules to live by
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and shoot other people in the eyes.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school -- you'll be working for them in the future.
Birth Months: (bold yours)
This is the stupidity test! 100 stupid things that people do! Bold the ones that you have done!
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
One Hundred Laws of Anime:
Disclaimer: I did not originally compile nor do I own this. All credit belongs to the rightful owner/s.
1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
6. Law of Temporal Variability
7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
11. Law of Inherent Combustability
12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
13. Law of Energetic Emission
14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
15. Law of Inexhaustability
16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
19. Law of Demonic Consistency
20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
26. Law of Feline Mutation
27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
29. Law of Melee Luminescence
30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
32. Law of Follicular Permanence
33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
34. Law of Probable Attire
35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
39. Law of Inverse Attraction
40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
41. Law of Xylolaceration
42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
45. Law of Uninterrupted Metamorphosis
46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
47. Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission
48. Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism
49. Law of Female Wrath
50. Law of Artistic Perversion
51. Law of Uninterrupted Nominative Clamovocation
52. Law of Telepathic Obliviousness
53. Law of Chromatic Diversity
54. Law of Old Man Comic Relief
55. Law of the Wise Old Man Little old Japanese men always know how it ends andwithhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special/powerful weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.
56. Law of Omnipotent Unreliability Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
57. Law of Minimum Corneal Volume
58. Law of Electrical Charges in Hair
59. Law of Ammunition Accuracy
60. Law of Active Female Attraction
61. Law of Sweat Pore Variability
62. The Law of Inverse Training Time
63. Law of Needs to Few and Many
64. Law of Bad Humor
65. Law of Extreme Anger
66. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
67. Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension
68. Law of Coercive Vehicular Control
69. Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension
70. Law of The Rushing Background Effect
71. Law of Interdimensional Hammers
72. Law of Instant Band-Aids
73. Law of Universal Edge Defense
74. Law of Intractable Sanity
75. Law of Celestial Body Control
76. Law of Aura of Forgetfulness
77. Law of Cool Hair Factor
78. Law of Inverse Coping
79. Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability
80. Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics-
81. Law of Shades/Coolness Factor
82. Law of Hentai Plot
83 Law of Understatement
84. Law of Dormant Powers
85. Law of Style Coefficient
86. Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor
87. Law of Tableware Nonexistence
88. Law of Goofy Turn-Ons
89. Law of Penile Variance
90. Law of Hentai Female Characteristics
91. Law of Vaginal Variance
92. Law of Hero Identification
93. Law of Cute Mascots
94. Law of The Force
95. Law of Naughty Tentacles All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
96. Law of Cat-Fighting
97. Law of Healing
98. Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics
99. Law of Sparkliness
100. Law of Anime Events
You know you're obsessed with Naruto when you:
-Dye your hair blonde and try to walk up a tree.
-Live by a strict diet of only ramen.
-Call your semester exam a chuunin exam.
-Roll your eyes back in your head and shout "byakugan".
-Copy every thing a person does and claim it's your bloodline.
-Stay up all night waiting for the release of the next manga chapter.
-Start adding the words chan and kun on the end of your friends names.
-Paste a piece of paper that says "Icha Icha paradise" on the front of adult books.
-Jump off a cliff and attempt to use Kuchiyose No Jutsu to summon the toad boss.
-Keep all your money in a frog shaped wallet..
-Stick your hand in a electric box and scream "chidori" as you pass out.
-Join a website and use one of the names in the anime as your username.
-Start to call your teachers Sensei.
-Claim you're going to kill your best friend so you can have a better Sharigan.
-Sit in your local book store and read the manga all day.
-Spend your week searching down Naruto sites.
-Graduate high school and proclaim yourself as an Anbu.
-Cry at the flash back scenes of Sasuke's family.
-List Anbu as current occupation on a job application.
-Can spout out a random character quote on command.
-Wake up in the middle of the night and scream "Itachi why?!".
-Eat all day and all night, and then try to roll into a ball and run someone down.
-Get bit by a snake and decide stabbing the wound is a good idea.
-Decide that if you can't hit a tree 1500 times then you'll jump rope 2000.
-Call the teachers you hate Kabuto and sound ninjas and the teacher you hate the most Orochimaru (in your head or outloud)
-Call your principal the Hokage or the Kazekage or some other random Kage person
-Decide to call your moral code your "nindo" (ninja way).
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On artificial bacon:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
On a birthday card for a 1 year old:
Sign at a railroad station:
On a bottle of bathtub cleaner
Pick the ones that fit you (italicized and bold= stuff for me)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm FAT so I MUST smuggle chips into my classes.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I have EMO FRIENDS so I MUST be emo as well.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.
I'm a BRUNETTE WITH BLOND HIGHLIGHTS so I MUST be a wanna-be.
I'm JAMAICAN, so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN, so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I must have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terriost.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I'm LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convienance store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid and stuck-up.
I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST have a big dick.
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.
I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be gay too.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a big butt.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I MUST be violent.
I'm a FEMALE VIDEO GAMER, so I MUST be ugly...or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be a nerd that does homework 24/7.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I MUST be fucked up.
I'm AMERICAN so I MUST be plotting to take over the world.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe Jesus Wuz A Brotha.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I love SHOPPING, so I MUST be rich.
I hate SHOPPING so I MUST be a freak.
I'm an OG so I MUST be mexican.
I like ROCK MUSIC so I MUST be a druggie.
I play CHESS so I MUST be a nerd.
I have a LOT OF FRIENDS so I MUST be bribing them with sex.
I have a FEW FRIENDS so I MUST be a freak.
If you hate stereotypes and think people should just SHUT UP AND STOP, POST THIS!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Try to half-ass comfort you when you feel down.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Always keep your stuff they borrowed in perfect condition.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink because they think it's polite.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask if you're alright.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask you what you number is.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have to be reminded not to tell.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will offer to pay when you have a drink.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will apologize when you forget lunch money and say that they don't have any left.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will smile and say "Don't worry about me" when they forget their lunch money, even if you didn't offer to pay.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will automatically tell you you're beautiful when you ask if something makes you look fat.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would tell you not to get a face-lift because you already look perfect.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Tell you your zits aren't noticeable.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh with you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh at all your jokes.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Congratulate you when you get good grades.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Encourage you not to skip school.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will glare at the guy who dumps you and say "Forget him. You're too good for him."
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Crush on your older brother whom you absolutely despise.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live.
If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste.
Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!
My name is Sarah
I must be stupid
I wish I were better
I can't speak at all
When I awake
When my mommy does come
Don't make a sound!
I hear him curse
I try and hide
He finds me weeping
He slaps me and hits me
He's already locked it
I fall to the floor
"I'm sorry!", I scream
The hurt and the pain
And he finally stops
My name is Sarah
Her name was Auroura
Her dad was a drunk
Her only friend
She always talked to it
Until her parents
A bruise on her leg
But she grabs her bear
She sits in the corner
Such a bad life
Then one night
Then her mom suddenly
She thrusted the blade
The mom walked out
Police showed up
One officer slowly
It must have been bad
If child abuse makes you sick and you think it's horrible and should be stopped, put this poem on your profile.
Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
1. Falling in love.
42 Things to do in an Elevator
1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
Things not to do at hogwarts! (yes hp is also cool!)
1. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
2. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not an extra credit project for Herbology.
3. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.
4. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
5. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”.
6. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
7. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
8. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless, tacky, and not a clever money-making concept.
9. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
10. Adding the name “Bueller” to Professor Binns’ roster is not funny.
11. “Springtime for Voldemort” is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.
12. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.
13. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
14. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to “Get a room” whenever they start to fight.
15. I am not a tribble Animagus.
16. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
17. I do not weigh the same as a duck no matter what that Muggle movie says.
18. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
19. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
20. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
21. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and walking away is only funny the first time.
22. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
23. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.
24. Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say “NI”. (you've gotta have watched the monty python to get it)
25. I will stop asking when we will learn to make “Love Potion Number Nine”.
26. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”
27. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I it’s founder.
28. I am not allowed to order the kitchen house-elves to spit into all the food to “enhance the flavor”.
29. The proper way to report to my Teacher is “Yes, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!”
30. I am not allowed to add pictures of teachers I don’t like to Wanted Deatheater posters.
31. There is no house made of candy in the forbiddenForestand it’s wrong to say so to first years.
32. I shall not add “according to the prophecy” at the end of my sentences to raise my Divination grade.
33. I am not to ask Aragog how things with the wife are. Especially if his wife is Shelob.
34. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriate career choice. Not even if I am a witch.
35. I will not call my wand “an elegant weapon from a more civilized age”.
36. It’s just cruel to tell Nearly Headless Nick that he’d forget his head if it wasn’t attached.
37. The four houses are not the Morons, the Barons, the Smartasses, and the Junior Death Eaters.
38. My headmasters name is Albus Dumbledore, not “Gandalf”.
39. I will not teach the house-elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
40. Yelling “to infinity and beyond” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.
41. I will refrain from calling Harry and Ron “Frodo and Sam” and the Weasley twins “Merry and Pippin”.
42. Telling Draco Malfoy to “Make like a ferret and bounce” is always a bad idea.
43. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.
44. No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in any of them.
45. I will stop sneaking out at night to look for Ents in theForbiddenForest.
46. I am not allowed to flood the Chamber of Secrets, install an organ, wear half a mask and sing Andrew Lloyd Webber.
47. I will not tickle a sleeping dragon “just to see what happens”.
48. When being questioned by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce “These aren’t the droids you are looking for”.
49. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter’s Firebolt.
50. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and blame that someone put the Imperious Curse on me.
51. I will not refer to the Accio Charm as “The Force”.
52. I will stop telling tree-huggers to go visit the Whomping Willow.
53. Loudly repeating “Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort” is not a good way to get the classroom quiet.
54. I must not sing “I’m off to see the wizard” every time I am sent to the headmasters office.
55. I must not throw Hermione’s copy of Hogwarts: A History out the window and then claim that it wanted freedom.
56. I will not tell Professor Trelawny that my teacup says she’s lying.
57. I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor tower is “Petrificus Totalus” and must be recited with their wands pointed at themselves.
58. I will not jump up, yelling “VOLDEMORT, RUN!” in the middle of a Order of thePhoenixor DA meeting.
59. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his “Happy place”.
60. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
61. I must not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos”.
62. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.
63. I will not set Ravenclaw house on the task of calculating the exact value of pi.
64. However tempting it may be, I will not send Voldemort a Christmas card telling him how much we all love him, even through these difficult times.
65. I will not point out to the house-elves how much sushi could be made of the giant squid.
66. I will not dress like Neville’s grandmother when going to the Halloween Party in Snape’s class.
67. I will not give Voldemort a toupee to hide his baldness.
68. I will not steal veritaserum from Snape’s store and add some to the teachers’ morning tea.
69. When asked a question by a teacher I will not point out that the answer is protected by a fidelius charm and I am not the secret-keeper.
70. Do not jump out at Mad-Eye Moody for a joke.
71. The phrase “Good dragon, nice dragon, please don’t kill me,” doesn’t work.
72. I must not point to the Dark Mark in the sky and shout “To the Batmobile, Robin!”
73. Making a fake journal and leaving it in Ginny’s dormitory is not funny.
74. I must not point at Voldemort and say “I taught him everything he knows.”
75. I will not tell Umbridge “Voldemort says, ‘Hi,’” every time I see her.
76. I should not tell Cho Chang Cedric came to me in a dream and wanted me to tell her something, but I woke up before he did.
77. I must not intentionally mispronounce Cho’s name as “Ho”.
78. I should not tell Umbridge that I have a kitten named “Fluffy” she would like to meet. But I will anyway.
79. I will not pay Professor Flitwick to run around yelling “Help, they’re after me lucky charms!”
80. I must not convince Cedric to wear a red shirt on the last task of the Triwizard Tournament.
81. My name is not “Dark Lord Happy Pants” and I will not sign my papers as such.
82. I will not follow my Potions instructions backwards “just for the heck of it”.
83. I should never ask Harry if his “Scar Senses” are tingling.
84. I must not lock all of the Gryffindor and Slytherin in a room and see which house comes out alive.
85. I will not call the Dark Lord “Tommy-boy”.
86. As Stan Stunpike learned, impersonating a death eater doesn’t “get you chicks”.
87. I will not crush up booger flavored jelly beans and put them in Draco’s pumpkin juice…after this time.
88. I will NOT bleach Lucius Malfoy’s Deatheater robes.
89. I must not fill Umbridge’s room with flies and then tell the headmaster “She was looking a little deprived, flies are what toads eat right?”
90. I must not call Potions “Home-Economics” in front of Professor Snape.
91. Telling Lockheart that there’s something in between his teeth will NOT get you out of DADA.
92. Do not ask Snape how to make a love potion!
93. I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armor to skip through the halls singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”.
94. I will not hit on Hermione while Ron is in the same room.
95. Ron Weasley does NOT know Kim Possible.
96. I will not say, “What’s the sitch?” into the Order’s two-way mirrors.
97. I will not ask Snape who dumped him and made him so cranky.
98. A hug is not all Snape needs.
99. I will not splash water in Professor McGonagall’s face, expecting her to melt.
100. I am not allowed to set a troll loose because I think it needs some fresh air.
101. I can not call Professor Snape “the Sheriff of Noghtingham”.
102. I will not tell students that can’t see Thestrals that they are about to attack us.
103. Harry’s resemblance to Davy Croccet is purely coincidental.
104. Dropping a bucket of water on Snape’s head was only funny the first time…and the second…and third. But the forth time! No way.
105. I am not to sing “That’s So Raven” when passing Ravenclaws in the corridors.
106. I must not grind with my broomstick. (Tony Hawk style!)
107. I will not tell Hermione that the Hogwarts library has burned in a fire.
108. I must not tell Bellatrix that Voldemort got married.
109. I am not allowed to run my hands through Snape’s hair.
110. I must not tell Umbridge that some centaurs have invited her to a party.
111. I shall not tell Snape, “There is a thing called shampoo in the world.”
112. I must not yell “She-who-must-not-be-named is coming!” every time Umbidge walks down the hall.
113. I shall not say, “I heard that if you hug Voldemort he won’t kill you,” to the first years.
114. Professor McGonagall likes her milk in a glass, not a saucer.
115. Saying, “Here puss, puss, puss, puss, puss,” is not the best way to get McGonagalls attention during class.
116. Wolf whistling at Lupin when he walks by is not funny.
117. I must not bewitch the door to Professor Snape’s office so that it will only open if he says, “Business in front; party in the back!”
118. Convincing Peeves to go into suits of armor and say, “I am your father” isn’t funny.
119. Telling Slytherin first years that to enter their common room they must point their wands strait up and say, “Morsmordre” is just plain mean.
120. I will not bewitch Umbridge’s hand to take her special quill and write: “I am a pompous, ugly toad” 10,000 times.
At least, that’s what I’ll tell her.
In fact, make it 100,000!
121. When I see Professor Umbridge, I will not say, “There you are, Trevor. Neville has been looking all over for you.”
122. Dementors don’t like it when you walk up to them and ask if they are the Ghost of Christmas-Yet-To-Come.
123. When someone pulls Godric Gryffindor’s sword out of the Sorting Hat, I will not say, “You have acquired the Master Sword.”
124. Saying, “Accio brooms” while first years are having flying lessons isn’t nice.
125. I am not to ask, “Voldemort: boxers or briefs?”
126. I am not allowed to say, “Accio Hermione’s panties!”
127. Mad-Eye Moody’s moto is “constant vigilance” not “custard pudding”.
128. I must not moon Professor Lupin. Even if his nickname is “Moony”.
129. I will not stick Bill Weasley’s hair to the ceiling with a permanent-sticking charm.
130. The resurrection stone is not materia.
131. Voldemort’s nickname is NOT “Filthy Half-Blood”.
132. “Rub-on aphrodisiac” is not one of the twelve uses of dragon’s blood.
133. i will not buy professer snape head n shoulders shampoo for christmas.
134. i will not skip down the hallway singing, "we're off to see the wizard!" whenever i'm sent to the headmasters office.
If you have wasted precious hours of your life reading this random crap that gets you a few giggles well... YOU'RE JUST LIKE ME!
20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity:
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And TheFinal WayTo Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: Send This In An E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile!
One day a woman caught a magic frog while jogging. The frog gave her three wishes for catching him, but with one catch: everything she wished for, her husband would also get, only he'd get 10 times more than her. First she wished to be the most beautiful woman on earth. "Are you sure? Your husband will be 10 times more beautiful than you," the frog clarified. "Oh yes, I'm sure." ZAP! The woman was instantly beautiful, but she was still only the second most beautiful on earth, her husband being first. "My second wish is that I wish I was the richest person on earth," she told the frog. "You sure? Your husband will have 10 times more money than you." "Oh yes." "Okay, then." ZAP! Trillions and trillions of dollars appeared in a safe in the woman's house. However, her husband was granted with even more money. "What's your third wish?" the frog asked. "I wish for a mild heart attack.
A couple of strangers were drinking at a cliffside bar overlooking the ocean. Both of them look a little drunk, when one says to the other: "Hey, look at the wind whipping up the side of that cliff. It moves pretty fast. I'll bet I could jump off of the ledge, catch the wind in my coat, and get lifted right back up to the bar!" "No way", says the other guy, "you'd fall to your death." "Well, I'm going to try it!", says the first, and at that he walks over, stands on the ledge, and leaps off in a swan dive. Sure enough, he comes sailing back up in no time, and lands on his feet right in front of the bar. "I can't believe it!" says the second guy, "that's impossible" . So the first drunk does it again: he jumps off the cliff, catches the wind in his coat, and comes sailing back to the bar. "Go ahead", he says, "try it, it's great!" "Well, OK, I'm just drunk enough to give it a go", says the second fellow. So he climbs the ledge and leaps off the cliff, only to fall screaming to his death on the rocks below. The first guy walks back to the bar and sits down to his drink. The bartender steps over, looks him in the eye, and says to him: "You know, you can be a real jerk sometimes when you've been drinking, Superman".
THE MORSE CODE:
ELECTION - RESULTS:
A DECIMAL POINT:
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
It's the 50's, and a black man drinks from a white water fountain. A white man approaches him and says, "Excuse me, that is for whites only. You are colored." The black man then raises his head, and replies, "I was black when I was born. I'm black when I'm cold. I'm black when I'm hot. I'm black when I'm sick, and I'll be black when I die. You sir, are pink when you're born. Blue when you're cold. Red when you're hot. Green when you're sick. And purple when you die. Now who's the colored one?" Whoo-hoo! Go anti-racists!
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .sSS... ... ..sS... ... ... ... ... ... ... . If you're a girl and you've ever
50 OR SO AWESOME WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TEACHER WANNA BACKHAND YOU!!!
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG??” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “ THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “Your racist against paper aren’t you.”
8. Don’t do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a substitute teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name is Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write "This paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds." at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream “OMG GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!”
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree!" after everything your teacher says
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
23. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
24. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelt.
25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “The queen is never late, everyone else is simply early."
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
29. Tell yourself knock-knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a 4th Grader and says he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question, just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewelery. I.e. necklaces, earrings, etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am retarded’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what’s wrong, yell “NO I WON’T MAKE OUT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS!”
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a substitute teacher is taking attendance, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down and go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS!!"
49. When a teacher calls on you say, "I forgot." To every question she asks.
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song.
51. When the teacher is not facing you, get the whole class to move their desks forward towards the him/her!
52. Hum throughout the lesson, but make sure you do not get caught!
53. When a teacher asks you a question... Reply "ERM, COMPUTER SAYS NOOO!!"
54. When the teacher makes a statement, stand boldly and shout "I OBJECT!!"
55. REPEAT the last word the teacher says but say it much louder!
56. While the teachers back is turned, everyone swaps seats!
57. If you are sure you haven't passed the test, write your phone number at the end with a heart!
58. When you hear a Police car siren from outside, run around screaming in the classroom shouting "Oh no, they're here. They must have found the body! HELP!"
59. When it's your turn to answer a question... Shout "NEXT!"
60. If you find a pencil on the floor, jump onto a desk, hold up the pencil, and yell, "LITTERING IS WRONG!! WHOEVER DROPPED THIS MUST BE PUNISHED!!" Then run around the room singing in a foreign language.
100 Things to do if bored during class
1. Devise a secret code with your friends then hand in the homework in that code
If you have ever run into a mirror, copy this into your profile. (Surprising how many times I accomplish that one...)
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.
Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombie and Finch told them it was uncool to breath. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.
If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile.
30 of kids go to college. The other 70 either drop out or don't have the proper skills to. If you are one of the 30 that KNOW that you're going to college put this on your profile and add your name to the list. EcoliandDahChihuahua, Gaara's-pandachan101, Evilfangirl, Feareth the Kitty, Monko25, leafninja345435, Frozen Fyre, AkatsukiFan, DeiDei-kunsgirl, ShdwBlood.
If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you KNOW the voice in your head is real, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have WAY too much time on your hands and your on fanfiction.net with that time, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you think that those stupid kids should just give the God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.
If you believe PREPS TRAVEL IN PACKS, copy this to your profile.
DeiSaku must become the next big thing! If you like this pairing, copy this onto your profile pweeze :3
If you think Deidara's smexy, copy this to your profile.
Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (I find that I am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever spelled your name wrong paste this into your profile.
If you have ever ran into a sliding glass door paste this into your profile.
If your family wonders how you can remember the names of Naruto characters, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that Tenten is awesome and deserves more screentime, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you want to slap Naruto for not noticing Hinata, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you want to slap Sasuke for leaving Sakura, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you want to slap Kabuto for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that says Pull or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
1.)You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.)You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3.)The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have a screen name or myspace.
4.)You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6.)Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) You read this list, & keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) and you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.)You actually scrolled back up to check that there was a number 5.
11.) & now you're laughing at your stupidity.
12.)Put this in your profile if you fell for it. And you know you did.
Is it just me or is Gaara really hot? If you think he is copy this and put it into your profile and add your name to the list. UNITE GAARA LOVERS!! GaaraandAikoforever, LoveShinobi4eva, Silver Element,BlueSkyHeIs, aven, Ketsueki Senshoku, Gaara's Pyro RACCOON, Gaarasminestayaway, .Faking.This.Smile, Lilly, Jay Jay, StormofSilver, inspired122, Kasumi18, Rawr I'm Gonna Eat You, Missyserena214, GaaraIno4ever, sasukerules.org,animeprincess619, Whats2Live4, Shad-Amy, RoseHathaway, bellacullen3, PeinSaku, ShdwBlood
THE WE HATE KARIN CLUB:If you hate Karin from NARUTO, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Pink Crescent Moon, Miyako-hime, XSakuraHarunoX, I'm in love with a Uchiha23, Angel Of Cherry Blossoms, Cherrilatina, CherryBlossoms016, Rayray, Sakura the lover, Sasusakufan2357, Lina Mistress of Elements, xnarutoxrocksx,uchihasakurah26, Nokas-Kokas, NorthernLights25, KunoichruleALL, Kawaiiblossom94, dera-chan,Mai-'-Kawaii-'-Ai,Ebil Chameleon you.broke.a.promise, XweaponsXmistressX, Sakura-Sasuke-love-em' , SASUXSAKUFREAK, PinkBlossem, Shadow Princess, CherryBlossoms, Hinatakura, Sakuranata, uchihasakura285, Could-careless, NejiSakuFan, xXHyuugaSakuraXx, RoseHathaway, Shad-Amy, bellacullen3, PeinSaku, ShdwBlood
THE WE LOVE SASUKE-BASHING CLUB: If you hate Sasuke from NARUTO and love making him suffer, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Kinomi-chan, EstherAngelofDeath, GaaSakuforever, Flyflew, XxMadara's-Little-StalkerxX, xXFallenSakuraXx, RoseHathaway, Shad-Amy, bellacullen3, PeinSaku, ShdwBlood
THE WE LOVE SAKURA CLUB: IF YOU LOVE SAKURA FROM NARUTO, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND ADD YOUR NAME TO THE LIST: XxMadara's-Little-StalkerxX, xXFallenSakuraXx, RoseHathaway, Shad-Amy, bellacullen3, PeinSaku, ShdwBlood
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, WhiteWinged Alchemist, DeiDei-kunsgirl, Foxfeather1337,Sadistic-Bitch, RoseHathaway, Shad-Amy, bellacullen3, PeinSaku, ShdwBlood
If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whats so ever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it and you are one of those people, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, WhiteWinged Alchemist, DeiDei-kunsgirl,Foxfeather1337,Saditic-Bitch, RoseHathaway, Shad-Amy, bellacullen3, PeinSaku, ShdwBlood
WE LOVE SAKURA CLUB: IF YOU LOVE SAKURA FROM NARUTO, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND ADD YOUR NAME TO THE LIST: XxMadara's-Little-StalkerxX, Kashira358, bloodroseinthetwilight, CherryBlossomSavior, animefan831, candyluver, Naruto-fan-Okami-chan, ShdwBlood
"Let me tell you something...
Just because I'm nice don't mean I have to be...
Just because I smile doesn't mean you're off my list...
Just because I may not be a bitch doesn't mean I can't show you one...
And just because love is a four letter word, doesn't keep me from kicking your ass...
So back the hell up and leave me alone."
Post this in your profile if your tired of being treated like shit...
if you are one of those people who feel bad when you eat meat but like it too much to stop eating it copy this into your profile
if you are random copy this into your profile
if you are a tomboy copy this into your profile (so we can get rid of the evil girly girls!! DIE GIRLY GIRLS DIE!!)
if you are a naruto fan and you HATE Sasuke and Ino im begging you to copy this into your profile
~R.I.P Uchiha Itachi~
You will always live within our hearts.
Copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list if Itachi's death affected you greatly.
Show the world how much you care.
98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever sung a song you hated so much, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventilated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile
If you have ever dreamed about being an Anime Character, copy and paste this into your profile
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
~~If you think Akatsuki rule, put this on your profile!!~~
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
I solemnly swear that anyone who flames my stories will get a flame back. FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! BEAT OUT THE FLAMES! If you agree (or hate flamers) put this in your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever said that an anime character is hot and you love them and you mean it, copy and paste this into your profile
98 percent of the population would die if Johnny Depp said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy this onto your profile if you would be one of the 2 percent that is laughing your butt off.
If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have EVER yelled at a TV after getting frustrated at someone who can't hear you, put this on your profile.
If you have ever considered going to the dark side since they have cookies, copy this onto your profile.
If you are starting to like darkness more then light, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you want Jack Sparrow for President, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever wanted to give a movie or show character a flyingtacklehug, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think High School Musical sucks...and you hate it to no end and is an insult to the classic Disney movies and musicals...then copy and paste this now!!
Anime is the greatest thing since sliced bread! Agree, then put it in your profile!
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile
If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room for no reason copy this into your profile
If with no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, copy this into your profile.
Insanity is defined as doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. If you're insane, copy this onto your profile.
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself . So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.
Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, put this in your profile.
If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.
If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
I'm the kind of person who walks into a door and apologizes.
Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.
If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.
If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could have clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile
If you're easily confused or confuzzled add this to you're profile
If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile
If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this in your profile.
If there are times when you just wanna annoy people for the heck of it then copy this into ya profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile
If you have ever tried to make plans for world domination, copy and paste here.
If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever sat in a class and poked the person in front of you just for fun, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile
If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this into your profile.
If you want to touch Hyuuga Neji's hair, paste this in your profile!
If you've been on the computer for hours on end reading multiple fanfictions copy and paste this on your profile
If you like being utterly random copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever been hit by a parked car copy and paste this into your profile.
If your right mind has ever had a fight with ur left mind copy it into your profile.
If you listen to and talk back to the voices in your head and find nothing wrong with it because you know they're there, put this in your profile.
If you've ever driven your friends/family insane with your constant anime blathering, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you believe all your favorite anime characters are indeed alive in their own dimension, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!
If you avoid teen fads and don't live your life according to others copy and paste this.
If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile.
Post this on your profile if you have ever had a major fan girl moment.
If Fanfiction to you is what Facebook is to other people, copy this into your profile.
If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile.
If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.
If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile.
If you have ever had a crush on a movie character, copy this to your profile.
If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:D
If you are a total clutz copy this into your profile.
If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile
If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.
If you've ever wanted to say "fuck you" to any sort of authority, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you find internet ads annoying, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you love men with long hair, copy and paste this onto your profile.
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Copy and paste this in your profile if you think that some times we take things for granted
At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap.
When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.
When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.
When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country.
When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him. You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.
If you love your dad, post this on your profile