Author has written 6 stories for Hunger Games, Harry Potter, and Alice in Wonderland.
So, I thought I'd update my profile because what was on it is no longer relevant.
Time for randomness!
I shall now proceed to write stupid things I probably found on the internet that I found amusing.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words. Ironic much?
When you try to prove to the repairman that a machine doesn’t work, it will.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there’s a will…I want to be on it.
And this is something random I found:
You: "Our daughter should not be dating.
"Opponent: "Our daughter is mature enough to date, especially if we transport her to and from the restaurant and the movie theater ourselves.
"You: "Our daughter should not be dating.
"Opponent: "She has shown herself to be level-headed, of strong moral character, and very trustworthy.
"You: "Our daughter should not be dating.
"Opponent: "But she's 17 years old!
"You: "Our daughter should not be dating."
Opponent: "The guy she wants to date is the boy next door, whom we know is nice and would treat her right."
You: "Your adjudication is fallible if you do not contraindicate our Y-chromosome deficient offspring commencing to consort with potential inamoratos."
You: "Our daughter should not be dating."
Opponent: "Come now, be reasonable. Don't you see, if we keep her from dating now, what happens next year, when she can date without our permission? She should learn about dating now, while we're here to guide her."
You: "Well...well... I tell you, nothing makes me madder than those teachers' unions! They're too powerful! Why, combustion engine emissions are tearing through the ozone layer even as we speak! Oh, what were we just talking about?"
Opponent: "Our daughter, dating."
You: "Oh, right. I agree with you. Absolutely out of the question."
You: "BOYS ARE EVIL!! DATES ARE JUST AN OPPORTUNITY FOR A BOY TO CORRUPT OUR DAUGHTER! THEY'LL FIRE SOVIET MISSILES AT HER!! THE KID NEXT DOOR HAS PILES OF THEM IN HIS BASEMENT!!! NEXT TO THE TWELVE WOMEN HE HAS UP IN CHAINS!!!!"
Opponent: "Good heavens, what are you talk--"
You: (waving arms wildly) "CLEARLY HE MAKES THEM EAT LIZARDS!!!!! *! HE * AND * AND MAKES THEM * * * *!!!!!"
Opponent: "Gracious! I have never heard you use such language! What is wrong with you? I can't have a discussion when you're like this."
You: "Discussion schmiscussion!"
Opponent: "Calm down. And get off that chair."You: "
Why don't you make me!? Nyah nyah, can't make me! You're a wimpy dimpy loser!"
Opponent: (crying) "I don't believe you said that."
You: "You're right. I'm sorry. I don't really think you're a wimpy dimpy loser, and I'll get down from this chair, as long as our daughter isn't allowed to date."
Opponent: "Thank you. I didn't quite realize you felt so strongly about it. Why don't we let her date just this once and see how it goes, and then--urk...gurgle--
You: "Right, then. No dates."
Things to do on an Elevator
SMACK your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
WHISTLE the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
OFFER name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
ON the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.
STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
SAY -DING at each floor.
WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
WEAR a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers 'through' it.
SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
WEAR 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.
TRY to make a personal call on the emergency phone.
DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
TRY to order pizza from the emergency phone.
ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
LISTEN to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
SWAT at flies that don't exist.
OFFER to sell "preowned" gum to the other passengers.
SHOUT "I love this song" and start tapping your foot and humming to the tune-when no music is being played.
STOP at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it
Yes I am a girl and I hate Justin Bieber... post this to your profile if you agree
Slinky Escalator = Endless Fun!
Being weird is like being normal, only better.
When you say I'm weird, I laugh because I knew that wayyyy before you did.
Your just jealous 'cause we act stupid in public and people still love us!
Dear Math, Grow up and solve your own problems!
If you believe in God and Jesus Christ his Son copy and paste this on your profile.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.
After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..."
You live off of sugar and caffine
People think you're insane.
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then dissappear off the face of the earth the next.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. (ZIM STYLE!)
You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)
What A Boyfriend Should Do:
When she walks away mad...
When she stares at your mouth...
When she pushes you or hits you...
Grab her and don't let go.
When she's quiet...
Ask her what's wrong.
When she ignores you...
Give her you FULL attention.
When she pulls away...
Pull her back.
When you see her at her worse...
Tell her she is beautiful.
When you see her start to cry...
Just hold her and don't say a word.
When you see her walking...
Sneak up from behind and hug her waist from behind.
When she's scared...
When she lays her head on your shoulder...
Tilt her head up and kiss her.
When she steals your favorite hat...
Let her keep it and sleep with it for the night.
When she teases you...
Tease her back and make her laugh.
When she doesn't answer you for a long time...
Reasure her that everything is alright.
When she looks at you with doubt..
Back yourself up.
When she says that she likes you...
She really does...more than you understand.
When she grabs at your hand...
Hold hers and play with her fingers.
When she bumbs into you..
Bump her back and make her laugh.
When she tells you a secret...
Keep it safe and untold.
When she looks into your eyes...
Don't look away until she does.
When she misses you...
She's hurting inside.
When you break her heart...
The pain NEVER really goes away.
When she says 'it's over'...
She still wants you to be hers.
When she re-posts this bullentin...
She WANTS you to read it.
Stay on the phone with her...
Even if she's not saying anything.
When she's mad...
Hug her tight and don't let go.
When she says she okay...
Dont believe her and talk about it because 10 years from know...
she will remember you.
Call her at 12:00...
Just to tell her you love her.
Call her before you sleep and...
after you wake up.
Treat her like...
she's ALL that matters to you.
and let her tease you back.
Stay up with her All night when she's sick and watch her favorite TV show or Movie with her...
even if you think it is stupid.
Give her the world...
and let her wear your clothes.
When she's bored and alone...
Hang out with her.
Let her know how important she is to you...
and kiss her in the pouring rain.
When she runs up to you crying the first thing you say is...
"Who's ass am I kicking, babe?"
That's all I've got. Have a super sparkly day!
Hahahaha sorry, I've always wanted to say that :)