Albrecht Starkarm
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Joined 06-18-10, id: 2409289, Profile Updated: 09-10-10
Author has written 7 stories for Kim Possible, and Metal Slug.

"A pseudonym, I assure you."

I am presently accepting editing requests, though I would urge any prospective clients to thoroughly familiarize themselves with the terms of service within my profile.

It would seem as if lesbians are the foundation of a successful narrative. Who could possibly have known?

In response to the irrational and selective censorship of benign and consensual sexual content upon, I have established a tandem account upon Adult Fanfiction for works that evidently are anathema to the standards of a site that accepts rape, pederasty, and hideously graphic violence.

Not to seem paranoid, of course, but I have been notified by the administration that Off The Record AND Justice have been withdrawn for their alleged violation of content standards. maintains standards for graphic content? That's an intriguing revelation. I assume that some crusading soul, drunk upon their own self-righteousness (was it you, Reverend Pat Robertson?! Your head exploding from S Phase was simply a gag. Honestly), opted to apprise the administration of the purported content violation. If this is the case, then I would urge them to focus upon areas that actually concern them and ignore anything that somehow, inexplicably, offends them.

If, of course, this is simply a random act of draconian oddity on the part of the site's management, I'm more than slightly curious as to the reason for which my work, above various other authors', has been selected. It also begs the question as to for what reason consensual sexual acts, by definition wholesome and entirely constructive, are forbidden, and yet hideous portrayals of violence are accepted.

All matters considered, I wish that they'd solely removed Justice, whose innate satirical value seemed to elude a great many.

If you absolutely, positively must read Off The Record or any of my others [and, truly, who isn't overcome by that longing?] before they're restored (I've evidently been sanctioned by being prohibited from posting anything for a few days. I believe that I'll don black clothing, slather myself in pancake foundation, and begin weeping about the dark cruelty of the world while I actually write my own works from which I'll derive an income), then I'll be pleased to accommodate you by whatever means are convenient.

How appropriate that Justice was removed.

Also, and this is a matter of the most outrageous vanity, but- when Off The Record is restored- would the kind reviewers who offered their opinions be averse to reposting them? Also, assuming that I ever bother to replace Justice, I'd enormously appreciate the braying from a few select individuals who failed to appreciate the humor. I'd also quite care for Slipgate's valid critiques.

I considered including a theater of the absurd, dedicated to brandishing the babbling of those who, by dint of their utter lack of cogency, vocabulary, and general intellectual faculties, warrant ridicule, but decided against it. Their comments represent themselves. I will, however, mention that I consider it to be colossally entertaining whenever anyone complains about something that they haven't read in its totality, and acknowledge that fact, yet are possessed to offer a review, in any event. Furthermore, I should probably consider adding what I have within the Adult Fanfiction sister account- characters are mutable, and harping about a character's unrecognizability in their internal monologues is particularly fatuous; it's annoying for anyone to anoint themselves arbiters of appropriate characterization. Additionally, if you'd wish to be bored when you read, then, please, don't read what I've written; eloquent speech, an abundance of non-repeated synonyms, and other devices that inject diversity into a work's content are preferable to unrelenting repetition and banality. Criticizing sophisticated narrative is akin to demanding the return of inarticulate grunts in discourse.

This isn't a response to any particular interaction- and, alas, with Justice's deletion, the most entertaining whining evaporated-, but rather a general commentary upon how irksome it is for anyone to behave with the outrageous arrogance that I've witnessed. It's not solely those interactions I've experienced, either, but a rather an irritating and obnoxious trend of rigid and uncivilized behavior that can be confronted everywhere online. I seek to respect everyone's right to an opinion, even if I don't respect the opinion itself, but those that dismiss others' right to divergent interpretations, and express their own thoughts in an aggressively belligerent and annoying manner, befoul the already turbid and noxious waters of the internet, and render it generally miserable for everyone.

One final point: I do not use, have never used, and will never, ever, ever use a thesaurus or some counterpart, including the MS Word synonym generator (a suggestion that was entertaining upon a great many levels, including the fact that my favored word processor is the stellar OpenOffice). Any writer of experience will never be forced to defer to them, and what you're reading is basically my speech, albeit a bit more involved. Perhaps less profane.

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Ling Long reviews
The elegant tinkle of jade and the tender embrace of hearts and bodies in Shanghai.
Kim Possible - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 213,385 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 2/16/2011 - Published: 12/22/2010 - Kim P., Shego - Complete
For The Record reviews
Can even a cynic believe in happily-ever-after? A conclusion to 'Off The Record'.
Kim Possible - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 16,177 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 14 - Published: 9/15/2010 - Kim P., Shego - Complete
Daisy Chain reviews
The glorious and erotic camaraderie amongst three gorgeous soldiers. Warning: the title is not an allusion to combat engineering.
Metal Slug - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,732 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/31/2010 - Complete
Off The Record reviews
A comic disaster develops into an unexpected union. Warning: contains graphic depictions of gorgeous lesbians writhing, stroking, kissing, kneading... Where was I?
Kim Possible - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,919 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 184 - Follows: 38 - Published: 8/28/2010 - Kim P., Shego - Complete
Amendment One reviews
Censorship can strike anywhere. Literally.
Kim Possible - Rated: M - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,261 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 9 - Published: 8/24/2010 - Complete
S Phase reviews
Popularity, mathematics, and a foreign tutor create unexpected complications. Warning: features nubile schoolgirls involved in erotic antics that would cause Pat Robertson's head to explode.
Kim Possible - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 14,727 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/17/2010 - Bonnie R., Yori - Complete
Splash reviews
Written as a tribute to those who also find a certain aspect of the series a bit... Suspect.
Kim Possible - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 515 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/26/2010 - Bonnie R., Kim P. - Complete