Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.
So I'm new to writing. I'm gonna give it my best and see what comes up in this crazy mind of mine. Hope you all enjoy it! My new urge to write (even though I'm not the most creative) has come from all the amazing stories I've found on this site and I can only hope to be half as great as some of these authors. Wish me luck!! :)
Here's a little bit about me:
Favorite Band: 3 Doors Down
Favorite Books: Twilight/Harry Potter/Hunger Games/Vampire Academy
Favorite Colors: Purple and Blue
I like Harry Potter better than Twilight, although I do love them both. I'll write twilight fanfics but I don't want to risk completely destroying Harry Potter so I won't write any of those.
(got this from some website)
Funny Letters With Double Entendres Extracts from letters sent to a council housing office - Part 1
These are genuine extracts from letters sent to a council housing office. There are double entendres galore but the senders wrote their words in all innocence.
Lady tenant complaining about DIY repairs next door:
"He has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more."
Problems with the garden foilage:
"My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it"
"... and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6 a.m. his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me."
"I am a single woman living in a downstairs apartment and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night."
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle badly; then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."
"Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."
Kitchen furniture problems:
"I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers."
Send a man round with a big tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
"I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction."
Often in life we send people the wrong message or messages without realising we are doing it.
You know you live in 2010 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace.
4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.
7.As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
8. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.
9. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.
10. You were too busy to notice number five.
11. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.
12. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.
13. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did. (Yup, every SINGLE time!)
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Frito's! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!
If you have ever ran into a door, copy this to your profile (An open door as well :s)
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa, copy this to your profile.
If you're fricken crazy and proud of it, copy this onto your profile.
If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you are insane, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hate back stabbers, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile (doing so sarcastically will not win you any favors either, for I do this quite frequently)
If you have fell down the stairs, copy this to your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile,
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile
Wow, I'm really crazy!
A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.”
Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb”
Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward Cullen would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.”
A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.
If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself cause life without you isn’t worth living.
As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”
As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.
A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.
While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.
A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.
While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half myself with you”
A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
“Do you want me to sing to you? I’ll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away.”
A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.
╔══╦══╦══╗ You have been diagnosed
║╔╗║╔═╣╔╗║ with Obsessive Cullen
║╚╝║╚═╣╚╝║ Disorder put this on your
╚══╩══╩══╝ profile if you have it too.
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."
"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! (OMC! Carlisle!)
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and she got away.
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.
Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in heck would you keep looking for it if you already found it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
- Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
- When there's a will, I want to be in it.
"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious!"
Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird. If you agree but you've done this, too, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you kinda think mosquitoes are a little bit cooler now because they suck blood (which makes them kinda like a vampire) copy this into your profile
I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile
If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the darn Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this into your profile!
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.
"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile!
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If they are right... copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile.
If you're one of those people who gets excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile.
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried post this in your profile.
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things.
FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN DUDE! RUN!'
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS:Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS:Would be sitting next to you sayin "THAT WAS FREAKIN' AWESOME!!"
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's butt that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Dude drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS:Will confort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS:Will go up to him and say 'it's becuase your gay isn't it?'
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this thing!!
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole! Copy and paste this if you have ever wondered the same thing.