I am a 58 year old attorney from Pennsylvania. My obsession with Twilight and Edward Cullen began in December 2009. My husband died on September 13, 2009 after a long illness. The weekend before what would have been our twenty-seventh wedding anniversary, I went to the book store to find something to distract me and get me through my first Christmas and anniversary without him. I didn't go to get Twilight. I don't remember being aware of Twilight. After debating whether a story about vampires in high school could do it for me, I purchased the audio books. At least with audio books, I wouldn't have to change my habit of sitting and staring into the fireplace for hours at a time.
I finished Twilight in one sitting which is kind of difficult for eleven CDs. As soon as Edward Cullen showed up, I was hooked. Edward gets what he wants in the end. I wanted to be Edward Cullen. After reading Midnight Sun, I really wanted to be Edward Cullen. After listening to Breaking Dawn, I realized that I was wrong about Edward. He doesn't just get what he wants. He gets everything. I really, really want to be Edward Cullen. But it was New Moon that kicked me in the gut and forever linked this story to my life. I froze the moment that Bella’s alarm clock informed her that the date is September 13. I attach great significance to the coincidence in the date of my husband's death and Bella’s birthday. Edward's abandonment of Bella stirred a vigorous internal discussion of my feelings about my husband's death.
I spend an inordinate amount of time listening to the books again and again, keeping up with news of production of the movies, the cast (especially Rob), and reading fan fiction. I am a little concerned with the amount of fan fiction I read and follow. I am a little concerned about how frustrated I get and how much I cry when I read the inevitable miscommunications and abandonments between Edwards and Bellas. I am a little concerned about the force of the joy I feel on reaching HEAs. But about three things I am absolutely positive. First, after my own October . . . November. . .December, Twilight got me engaged with something again. Second, Twilight got me feeling something other than numbness and nothingness again. And third, while it may be overly dramatic to say that Twilight saved my life, it has at least saved my sanity.
I don't write fan fiction . . .yet.
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