Katarina Wolffe
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Joined 06-21-10, id: 2413661, Profile Updated: 02-19-11
Author has written 6 stories for Naruto, Halo, and Death Note.

Greetings. I am Katarina Wolffe, esteemed nerd-lover and semi-leader of nerd-cults, player of Halo 3 campaign on Legendary Difficulty (if you've ever played Halo, you know what that means), DM of one of the world's best D&D groups ever, occasional painter of Warhammer 40K miniatures, worshipper of Star Trek, rabid Doctor Who fan and the resident representative for all nerdy girls. Because hells yes, we exist. And we're armed to the teeth with +5 Vorpal Flaming Battleaxes, Photon Torpedoes, Phasers set to kill, a TARDIS, and the classic Ork Snazz Gun. ^-^ Fear us.

My location will remain unnamed, as my super-secret base on Pluto cannot be found out (LONG LIVE PLUTO THE PLANET!!!...and the dog too, I guess!)... oh crap. I just told you where my super-secret base is. Eh, what the heck. There are enough Mountain Dews and Fantas there for all my wonderful readers!!

I ALSO REALLY LIKE CATS!!!! THEY ARE AMAZING AND KITTIES!!!! ...and they're so squishy... ^-^

AND DOGS OF COURSE!!! My dog is large enough that I frequently take naps using her as a pillow, and vice versa!!!

Also, I have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. So don't mess with me. Muahaahahahahahahaa. I'm talking to you, STALKER!!!!!

I like practically every kind of music, bar a lot of pop music. Here's a list of *SOME* of the various musicians and bands I love listening to...


Three Days Grace



Ana Johnsson

Panic! At the Disco




Linkin Park

Guns 'n' Roses

Green Day

The Cranberries

Shiny Toy Guns

Butterfly Boucher

...and that's only the beginning... -_-' ...

I also love Big Band, and YAY FOR CLASSICAL!! IT'S EPIC!! Especially Rachmaninaff!!! :)


I think Naruto the Abridged Series is amazing. "I'm Gaara... of the funk." Nn-ch nn-ch nn-ch nn-ch GAARA OF THE FUNK!!!!!!

And now, for something completely different (MONTY PYTHON IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!): Pairings I ai!!!!!!!

-NaruHina (so kawaii, and seriously, she CONFESSED TO HIM, how is it NOT going to happen?!?! Because everyone'd be SOOOO mad if Kishimoto-sensei made Hina-chan sad!)
-ShikaTema (it's gonna' happen. It is. It SHOULD. If you read the god danged chapter when the Sabaku siblings leave Konoha after the Sasuke Retrieval Arc, they seriously look like they're flirting.)
-NejiTen (It's cool. But Tenten's gonna' need an ENTIRE ARC devoted to her...)
-SakuLee (I don't think it's going to happen, but it SHOULD!!!!)
-InoCho (It's perfecto.)

Now for some OC pairings!!!

-MurtAbby (Murtagh from Eragon)
-KibaZula (it's from my story. I'm OBLIGED to support it.)
-ItaKira (after co-writing a lime for it, you tend to become a fan of it!)

I believe the Akatsuki ALL go with OCs, bar Pein and Konan, who go together!

Pairings I DON'T support:

-SasuSaku (Sasuke's an ass. Need I say more?)
-NaruxANYONE BUT HINA-CHAN (and vice versa.)
-Sakura x Anyone but Lee. I hate her to begin with (*sobbing* how dare she kill my Sori-kun!!!!), so don't make me hate her more by ruining a loverly Akatsuki member with her obnoxious pinkness.
-KakaSaku - So messed up, I had to give it it's own thing.

Though I don't believe any of them will probably actually happen, I read Yaoi and Yuri -- especially Crack NaruSasu, or just plain ol' SasoDei. XD

Anyways, my writing style relies on OCs. I don't like writing with only other people's ideas to kick around, so I like adding my own characters.

Current Story Stats Update (What's up with me??)

Blind Shadows - I try to update this when I can, as it's kind of my favorite story, but I still may be slow.

Felix: Spartan 666 - I have been losing interest and what waining inspiration I had for it has dwindled to a stub... on hiatus, and maybe even deleted some day... gomen, guys!

I DELETED MY TWO STORIES "Raw Fires" and "Café Konoha." I never updated them, didn't want to update them, and just plain didn't like them. Which is kind of a shame, because I think Café Konoha was my most popular story back when I updated it. But now I don't. So ha. Feel free to steal the idea though!!! And I'd love to read it if you do steal the idea! :)

OK, until next time, READ MY STORIES!!!! ^.^ And check out my favorited authors + stories, they're cool people writing cool things!

And Now, the Infamous Copy & Pastings

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, xGabriellaxBoltonx, IxShallxCryxToxicxTears,XxXbAbYbXxX, say.hey.a.dancer,DarkFairy13 Reader, Saskura-Chan,cherryblossom418, Mindori Takahashi (formerly Sabaku no Kunoichi),sisterofsasukeuchiha, Katarina Wolffe,

(゚、 。 7
l、 ~ヽ

Yaaaay kitty!

This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your
signature to help him gain world domination. So that I may serve him as his undying loyal servant, and watch as the mortals writhe in forever pain beneath me and my great Kitty, and when the time is come, raise myself to a position as his equal, and we may together forever watch the world burn, while sipping Green Tea and chomping on Chocolate Biscotti!!!! MUAHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fear my evil rants.

My Guy Side

You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats (The Two are a Tie!!!)
It's hilarious when people get hurt.
You've played with/against boys on a team.
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box. (And worship it, thankies very much!)
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega. (Sorry, PS3...)
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. (I thought it was sort of stupid sometimes, and loved it other times. No comment.)
You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun.
(some, not all, mind you!!)
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night.

Total: 15

My Girl Side

You wear lipstick/lipgloss.

You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black. (FOR SHAME!!! BLACK R U L E S !!!!!)
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance? (And now I don't. :P)
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid. (Though I'm Very Ashamed Of It Now... >.Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of every thing.



All in all, I'm WAY more dude-like than chick-like, but whatever.


Hilarious or epic quotes me and my friends have said:

"When life gives you lemons - who gives people lemons?! COMMIES, that's who!" -Ren

"It's all fun and games until somebody loses and eye. Then it's just fun!" -Neko

"Every conversation eventually turns to cats." -Me

"What is jello? It's not a liquid, it's not a gas, it's not a solid. It's like a... plasma or something." -Ren

"OK, so Sasuke's shirt is like this.."-Ren makes deep V-Neck shape on self, trying to explain his attire looks like. "Wait-- so... Sasuke has cleavage?" -me "BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!" -An epic conversation b/w Ren and I

"Who are you praying to? Kami - like the japanese god - or Commie - like Communists?!" -Karasu to me.

"Hail Satan!! - Oh wait, sorry, thought you were someone else... but hey, I was about to draw the pentagram, you wanna' help? Come on in!" -What my aniki would say to a jehova's witness.

"But *oh Jashin no!!!* we have to listen to the OTHER people's music..." me "Oh my Jashin save me... I'll probably go insane if I have to listen to any modern song... 20 bucks some loser in our class will play rap music for one of them." Neko "30 it's Ira." me "40 it's Ira." Neko "Dang!" -Conversation b/w Neko & I about a horrible English project we have.

"What has this world come to??"-Me "A lot of things, actually."-Karasu "...Like communism?"-Me "Is that all you think about?!"-Karasu "No. I think about food, too!"-Me - A conversation b/w Karasu and I.

"I'm sorry I got meat on your bed..." -Aniki after feeding pork to my cat, which my cat promptly dropped on my bed.

"My aniki really is a dolt. That must be why we keep him around... comic relief. Otherwise, I can't think of a reason why. It sure as hell isn't for his intelligent statements." -Me

"Ren, why does that scream rape?"
"Katarina, this is ME we're talking about."
"Ohhh, it DOES!" -Me and Ren.

"I don't take front doors. I only take the window." -Me in a super epic James Bond voice.

"Oh yeah, Vegas baby!!!" -Neko

"Mr. H, I'm not happy with this grade. Can I make a dog head instead?" -inside joke b/w me and my mom.

"Oh my god!! We're rubbing off on Karasu! Now she gets all of our subtle pervy references!!"-Me
"Sadly, I do..."-Karasu

"You need to vote for one of these movies!" Aniki
"What is this, the thought police?!"me
"Katarina, it's called fascism. Deal with it."Aniki -Aniki & me talking when my brother made me vote for a movie to watch.

"Or a democratic republic, which is fascism but with a happy name..."-Aniki about fascism.

"Couldn't that qualify as semi-pornographic?" -Me looking at an ad at the movie theatre with a nude woman (but you couldn't see the *ahem* not okay *ahem* parts)

"I knew there was a reason we kept you around!!" -Neko about the aforementioned comment.

"Wait, wasn't he a president or something?" -Me looking at another ad at the movie theatre, it said the name of someone who definitely WASN'T a president.
"FACEPALM." -Everyone around me.

"HAHAHA, SUCKER!" -Me laughing at the guy (who is your ALLY) in Call of Duty 5 who got caught in a trap and died painfully.

"You think that's intense? You should try camping!" -JW

"Whoa. That's almost as intense as camping." -Aniki Making fun of JW

"RAWR!" -Me trying to use the zipper on my backpack, in the middle of silent study hall. People gave me odd looks. XD

"Yeah. In this alternate reality, we actually open doors instead of walking into them."-Karasu "Oh. That's lame."-Me

"Why do people even NEED this much Cranberry Sauce?!?!?!? Do they just eat it right out of the can or something?!?!?"-Ren
"I would!"-Me

"Yes, Katarina. That is the diet of homeless people: Soup, Vegetables, Beans, Pasta Sauce, and Cranberry Sauce."-Ren

"What? No, not squirrel! Quail! QUAIL! Q, U, A, I, L! QUAIL! What??? I like quails!" -Karasu yelling at her mom.

"Mom, have you seen any brightly colored ninja quails? No? Dang! They aren't doing their jobs!" -Karasu yelling at her mom again.
"Those slackers!" -Me randomly adding to her statement.

"What is that music? It sounds like a high chipmunk trying to sing!" -Me yelling at aniki


"Life does that to you. It f*cks with you, and then suddenly everything is cool." -Me

"What is that, a sepia grenade?" -Me to aniki while he played Call of Duty, and someone randomly threw a grenade that turned his screen sepia.

"That is possibly the best idea for a weapon ever. 'Our military-grade sepia-tone will quickly wipe them out!' 'Oh no, I can't win!'" aniki
"'The old-timey lack of color is too much to take!'" - aniki and me making fun of said sepia grenade.

"I'm going outside! Dumb Dog, come here!"-mom
"I do hope you're not talking to me..."-me
"Yes, because I call you 'dumb dog' all the time!"-mom
"Stranger things have happened!" - Mom and Me

"Are you killing it with holiday cheer?"-Me

"No! You are not a cosmic girl!"-Me to aniki.

"Karasu, you're telling me that you have high-powered weaponry in your backpack? AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?! ...I'm hurt." -Me

"Is it a fashion statement that your shirt is mis-buttoned?" -Ms. B, the History Teacher, to Ira, an annoying classmate of mine.

"Sí, es verdad, ¡pero me molesta!" me in Spanish
"You're going to molest me?!" my mom. -My mom helping me to study for Spanish class, and becoming mightily confused.

"We're nerds, what do you expect?" -Ren

"OH MI GOD! Guess what?" me
"What?" aniki
"I JUST GOT THE WALKING FARTS!!!" -me, being *extremely* mature.

"Hey dad, guess what? I just got the walking farts!!! *breaks down into hysterical laughter*" -Once again, me being so mature.

"I guess Mr. H doesn't keep dead children in his closet!" me
"We haven't checked that back closet yet!" -Neko and I whilst exploring Mr. H's classroom.

"Whoa! Who know Mr. H was addicted to soda?!" -Neko, whilst once again exploring Mr. H's room.

"I hear homicide in the making!" -Me



Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Depression Life by Dcfan100 reviews
The year is 1936 right in the middle of the American great depression. Neji is an orphan living in Flint Michigan and decides to run away from the orphanage with his friends and a feisty new girl named Tenten. NejiTen
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 55,035 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 6/23/2013 - Published: 10/20/2010 - Tenten, Neji H. - Complete
The Fifth Element: On Tour by SilverEyeShinobi reviews
Trapped in their house from the insane popularity, The Fifth Element decides to take action and go on tour. A universe of troubles awaits them, and the return of a certain rival... NejiTenten, SasuSaku, NaruHina, ShikaTema, ItachixOC. THIS IS A SEQUEL!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 60 - Words: 276,561 - Reviews: 1041 - Favs: 212 - Follows: 129 - Updated: 9/29/2012 - Published: 6/21/2010 - Neji H., Tenten - Complete
Perfect by SilverEyeShinobi reviews
Tenten is shocked when famous teen actor Neji Hyuuga enters her high school. Without realizing it, Tenten gets trapped in the acting world where everything is supposed to be perfect, and she soon realizes it's far from it. NejiTen.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 44,648 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 9/1/2011 - Published: 8/5/2010 - Neji H., Tenten - Complete
The Kimiko Chronicles by DeafeningSilence1317 reviews
The Akatsuki, a powerful criminal organization, find a miserable 11 year old girl sitting around on the very outskirts of their property. And what do they do? Take her in, of course! First fic. Bad at summaries.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 69 - Words: 130,679 - Reviews: 530 - Favs: 167 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 6/14/2011 - Published: 6/5/2010 - Akatsuki - Complete
s ranked kittens by poisonlovely reviews
oh, my. the akatsuki have "poofed" into my world as kittens... and they're rather annoyed. Aw, snap... this can't be good... Let's hope the tooth fairy and chuck norris can help me... CRACK. T for Hidan. ON HIATUS.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 29,486 - Reviews: 298 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 5/30/2011 - Published: 9/23/2010 - Akatsuki - Complete
I'll Come Back Soon, I Promise by Jiang-Mei reviews
"That poor girl, what could've happened to her?"/"If you want to be a ninja you should learn to protect yourself." "What would you know? You're just a stupid boy."/"We got ambushed and separated."/"They're still out there, wounded!" NON-MASSACRE OC
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 32 - Words: 44,724 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 5/13/2011 - Published: 10/2/2010 - Itachi U. - Complete
Nevermore by YoBeezy reviews
In the end we both saw the truth. He saw the light I had been pressing him to find and I saw the darkness that had sheltered his ill thoughts. And when I asked if I would ever see him after this, he left me with few words to remember- "never again."
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 89,467 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 3/4/2011 - Published: 8/13/2010 - Itachi U. - Complete
akatsuki survivor camp! by poisonlovely reviews
the akatsuki are off to a desert/rainforest island located somewhere near australia to play survivor camp, a reality show! chased by beavers and chucked off cliffs, how will these poor ninja people survive an undetermined amount of time here? ON HIATUS
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,655 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 1/18/2011 - Published: 11/14/2010 - Akatsuki, Hidan - Complete
How Neji Hyuga Almost Stole Christmas by Dcfan100 reviews
It's Christmas Eve and Neji's dreading the following day. So naturally he does what every other great Christmas villain has done in the past, he decides to keep it from coming! But he does run into one little problem. Tenten! NejiTen! Please Review!
Naruto - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,630 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/7/2010 - Tenten, Neji H. - Complete
The Rain of Tempest by Tindra44 reviews
What if the Doctor wasn't the only Time Lord left. What if he knew the other one and was willing to go to lengths to save...Her? A 11th Doctor story. DoctorxOC probably.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 26,511 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 8/11/2010 - Published: 7/1/2010 - 11th Doctor
The Cafe by cOo.Me reviews
Mariko Kain was one of the clumsy ones." ItachixOC or maybe not? Rated T for certain scenes.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 32,944 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 6/21/2010 - Published: 3/11/2010 - Itachi U., Akatsuki - Complete
The Fifth Element by SilverEyeShinobi reviews
After befriending the band members of The Fifth Element, Tenten and her friends are dragged into the bands problems with a rival band causing a hell of trouble, as well as Neji's struggle with his uncle. NejiTen, ShikaTema, NaruHina, SasuSaku, ItachixOC
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 30 - Words: 78,431 - Reviews: 259 - Favs: 238 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 6/21/2010 - Published: 5/4/2010 - Tenten, Neji H. - Complete
How to Write a PERFECT Naruto Fanfic by AznAnimeGrl2649 reviews
...or not. CRACK! "Do you want to know how to write a perfect Naruto fanfic with Neji and Tenten as the main pairing? Well, here is a guide on how to begin. Just follow these easy steps and you'll be a pro in no time!"
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,235 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/10/2009 - Neji H., Tenten - Complete
Crazy by Syrasha reviews
He was her one respite. The one thing that kept her grounded. LXOC LLawlietXOC L/OC LLawliet/OC
Death Note - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,613 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 11 - Published: 7/8/2009 - L - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Blind Shadows reviews
Zulaan is starting a new life in Konoha training to a Shinobi. There, she casts aside her old self and meets Kiba. Life is amazing. But her bliss can't last when a strange incident occurs... Akatsuki show up later in story. Kiba x OC.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 23,826 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 6/10/2011 - Published: 6/24/2010 - Kiba I., Akatsuki
Have You Seen Thorn? reviews
AU, post-Kira case. Matt and Mello survived. For now a oneshot, will probably become a full-length story. Sort of MattOC / MailOC. A girl called Thorn, a quick smoke, and a conversation. If it becomes a story, genre will likely change.
Death Note - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,727 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 2/22/2011 - Published: 12/27/2010 - Matt
Movie Night: Team Taka reviews
Out of boredom, Suigetsu, Hotaru OC , Karin and Sasuke watch some movies. Hotaru and Suigetsu have similar opinions on movies, and also on... each other! SuiOC SuiXOC SuixOC Sui/OC SuigetsuOC T for language/tidbit of fluff!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,671 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/27/2010 - Suigetsu H.
Just Dinner and a Walk reviews
The Konoha 11 and the Sabaku Siblings all got together, but Rock Lee brought a special guest. Over just dinner and a walk, who knows what they will discover about each other. Oneshot. GaaOC. For a Friend!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,001 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/5/2010 - Gaara - Complete
Dancing In the Moonlight reviews
ItaOC, non-massacre, oneshot. Itachi was bored at the festival, until he met someone he had never seen before. Just innocent conversation, laughs, and... dancing to 70s music?
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,296 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/5/2010 - Itachi U. - Complete
Felix: Spartan 666 reviews
ON HIATUS! "I'm like Superman. I know when I'm needed." -Tucker from RVB. So maybe Felix didn't realize how much she was needed on Colony VI when she's sent there, but she is. As psychotic as she may be, she knows how to take down a Covenant Army.
Halo - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,522 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10/10/2010 - Published: 7/7/2010 - Miranda K.
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    Anime/Manga Naruto